at the sushi plant where my mother's skin turned purple from unrelentingexposure to ice water . learning that i was nearly quote unquote illegal i walked the other day whenever i saw anyone in uniform . or custodian. the first english word i learned was the slur for chinese. the word into my brain with the certain knowledge that my race was repugnant. by memory of our first days in america still comes to me in a fog of fear, loneliness and hunger. i still remember the confusion that enveloped me as i wondered how the chinese could call this land literally translatedbeautiful country . but albert einstein once said the only thing you absolutely have to know is the location of the library. and we call that managing is for a reason. when i found the branch a block away from my elementary school, the fog and confusion estimated. and my world opened up again. i was no longer alone. however i cannot restore my life in china, give me back my family and friends but it did supply me companions. clifford the big red dog, the very hungry caterpillar. the berenstein bears. amelia adelia soo