unwrap paradise. and discover an exciting combination of tastes.e covering soft centers with the flavors of exotic fruit juices. it's chocolate like you've never experienced it before. discover brookside. why get delivery, when you can have digiorno? delivery or digiorno. now with a flavorful new sauce, digiorno's rising crust pizza is better than ever! thankfully it's not delivery, it's digiorno. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is an activist working to transform poor neighborhoods with art. well, that explains all the chalk outlines in chicago. please welcome theaster gates. whooo! good to see you! thank you so much for coming on. brother gates, how are you? >> super good, man, things are well. >> stephen: i just met you backstage a little while ago and i almost have a contact high off of all the positive energy that comes off the of you. you are an artist, correct? >> i am. >> stephen: how would you describe your art? >> i believe my art is interested in transforming ugly things into beautiful things

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unwrap paradise. ♪ that's pretty tasty. it's from special k? 240 calories.andwiches. if you guys could come back tomorrow, it would be fantastic. [cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. ♪ thank you for captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: oh, hey! welcome to the report, everybody! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: thank you so much. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen, in here, out

unwrap paradise. every child deserves a place to call home. hi, i'm wendy thomas. is to help every child waiting in foster care find the loving family they deserve. help us support adoption at wendys.com/adoption. swear i feel like a human again. why are we here? relax. smell the steak. if you need more inspiration, just look at the handsome man sitting across the table from you, paying for your dinner tonight. hahaha. [ restaurant noises ] [ talking in the background ] ♪ hey. thanks for coming. to wallflowers. and bone-in ribeyes. [ glass clink ] mmm hmm. and bone-in ribeyes. [ glass clink ] it's an invitation to stop and savor the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. [cheers and applause] >> jon: wait. that's our show. listen. i must publicly apologize to jason bateman. in my usage i always thought the term hazar was something trying to cheat. the yiddish diction teary describes ate as something garbage and junky. jason bateman was correct. i was incorrect though i still stand by the fact that i'm pretty sure they didn't serve him bread on p

unwrap paradise. [cheers and applause] >> jon: those our show. here it is your moment zen.olution was supported by some of most powerful people in the country like billion this billionaire. >> people are not familiar with me because many of the -- >> you are the seventh richest ma >> stephen: tonight, an inovation in beauty products. you won't believe what they're squirting in rabbits' eyes now. then, are copyright lawsuits getting out of hand? unfortunately, the answer to that question has been trademarked. ( laughter ) and my guest theaster gates believes we can transform poor neighborhoods with art. that's easy-- just paint a better neighborhood over it. ( laughter ) staples is closing 225 stores. great-- now where will i not find the ink cartridges i need? this is the "colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central

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unwrap paradise.ive into our salmon bruschetta atop a buttery crab risotto, the new spring seasonal menu is now at olive garden. or fall in yum with our chicken primavera, always served with unlimited salad and breadsticks. the all new spring seasonal menu at olive garden. crest 3d white whitestrips vs. a whitening pen. i feel like my lips are going to, like, wash it off. these fit nicely. [ female announcer ] crest 3d white whitestrips keep the whitening ingredient in place, guaranteeing professional level results. crest whitestrips. the way to whiten. aarrggh! >> that's it for the report, captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org - "comedy central" presents... jack whitehall! [audience cheering] - evening! new york city! so... hello. good evening! uh, my name's jack. uh, i-i'm from london, england. uh, this is-- [audience cheering] oh, thank you-- thank you. uh, this is my first ever time in new york. my first ever show in new york-- so, thank you

unwrap paradise. are you flo? yes. is this the thing you gave my husband? well, yeah, yes.name your price" tool. you tell us the price you want to pay, and we give you a range of options to choose from. careful, though -- that kind of power can go to your head. that explains a lot. yo, buddy! i got this. gimme one, gimme one, gimme one! the power of the "name your price" tool. only from progressive. >> stephen: we're back with neil degrasse toyson talking about the new television show cosmos. all right, why did you, neil, the show was great, i really enjoyed it. and so do pie kids, but why did you want to make this show? we already had one, you know, 34 years ago. why do it again? has science really changed all that much? >> no, the times had come. it was-- so not only has science vince then we discovered a thousand exo planets, the his boson, we have discovered the-- we have strong ideas that a multibirth exists. i mean the list goes on and on. >> stephen: multibirth. >> a multibirth. well, it may not be just one universe. there may be many universes. but there wasn't -- >

unwrap paradise. you may be muddling through allergies. don't get caught off guard.solve tabs. powerful allergy relief now in a tablet that starts dissolving instantly. new zyrtec® dissolve tabs. ♪ [ gasps ] [ giggling ] [ old spice whistle ] frequent heartburn? the choice is yours. chalky. not chalky. temporary. 24 hour. lots of tablets. one pill. you decide. prevacid. ♪ 24 hour ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. thank you for watching. guys, do you ever go online or watch tv and you see some weird, random thing on your screen. something that's just, like, accidentally funny? well, we asked you guys to keep an eye out for tuff like that and take a screengrab of it and send it to us. we got a ton of great ones in. so, now i want to share some of our favorites. it's time for a thing we call screengrabs. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ now, this first screengrab was sent in to us by paula -- of ames, iowa. it's from an ad that showed up in her email. let's see what it's for. "get thin slimmer arms instantly." look at the before and after. [ laughter

unwrap paradise.. ♪ and when they get there, they do things most people can only imagine. that's why we made the all-new jeep cherokee, with its exclusive select-terrain system for class-leading capability. for wherever you find yourself. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everyone. it is time for "tonight show" hashtags. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hahstags >> jimmy: you guys are on twitter, right? [ cheers ] >> it's fun. well, we use twitter on our show every single week. so if you watch our show and you want to play along we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag on a a wednesday evening. we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. so a lot of you probably know i love -- this is my favorite picture ever. [ laughter ] a picture of rob ford. i mean, it's just like a random awful photo. did you ever have someone take a bad picture and it goes everywhere? that's the one. can i see it again? it's just -- [ laughter ] so i have been talking about this

unwrap paradise. [ sneezes ] [ male announcer ] you may be an allergy muddler.cause it starts working faster on the first day you take it. zyrtec®. love the air. [ sneezes ] on the first day you take it. whoa, what's that? umm...a flatizza. it's new from subway. what's a flatizza? tom, i'm patching you in. the latest invention from subway, the new flatizza. crispy flatbread loaded with mozzarella. now get 2 for $5. subway eat fresh. directions to the nearest subway. brewed for more this ispirited nights.tune. it's undistilled, yet it has a smooth clean finish. you might choose a regular beer, but then you might get a regular night. miller fortune. your fortune awaits. ♪ boom, boom, shake the room ♪ the unstoppable offender ♪ boom, boom, shake the room ♪ the unstoppable -- [ male announcer ] an electric city car here... makes about as much sense as a gas guzzling suv here. ♪ the quick charging, zero emission, all-electric all-new smart electric drive. just $139 a month. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. we are back. and if you are wondering, ree

unwrap your paradise. soft, sweet coconut covered in rich, creamy chocolate. almond joy and mounds.♪ i'm more than you know ♪ you don't see me but you will, ♪ ♪ i am not invisible. ♪ there is no them... ♪ there is no them... ♪ there's only us. powerful deodorants can result in irritation to the underarm. [ gasps ] [ male announcer ] use dove men+care instead, the one with 48-hour sweat and odor protection in a non-irritant formula, tough on sweat, not on skin. to "you are here."man, in a non-irritant formula, "that life exists and identity." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." "that the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse." what will your verse be? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everyone. welcome to "late night." you know, it's easy to find out what's happening in the news every week, but tonight we thought we'd take a little peek into the future in a piece we're calling "next week's news." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: now, with a piece like this, it would be nice to have someone next to me, but i don't have a s

unwrap paradise. so our business can be on at&t's network for $175 a month? yup.tention. there's unlimited talk and text. we're working deals all day. you get 10 gigabytes of data to share. what about expansion potential? add a line, anytime, for $15 a month. low dues, great terms. let's close! new at&t mobile share value plans our best value plans ever for business. ♪ i'm the protector of my patio ♪ ♪ killing weeds where they grow ♪ ♪ a barrier forms so weeds can't appear ♪ ♪ serious weed prevention up to a year ♪ ♪ new roundup max control 365 ♪ so i'm fighting weeds on opening day ♪ ♪ and preventing weeds while i get away ♪ ♪ weeds stay dead as we carve this beast ♪ ♪ and they still aren't back when i cook this feast ♪ ♪ new roundup max control 365 ♪ one more time let me make it clear ♪ ♪ with no more weeds, it's your year ♪ but one is so clever that your skin looks better even after you take it off. neutrogena healthy skin liquid makeup. 98% saw improved skin. does your makeup do that? neutrogena® cosmetics. does your makeup do that? so we habut now with the ac

unwrap paradise. aaaahhhh. [ animals shouting ] why can't everyone just be more tea? ] watch it! nice. whoa! one step at a time. ♪ i don't hear a word they're sayin' ♪ ♪ [ wailing ] ahhh. lipton. [ wailing continues ] [ paper ripping ] ♪ ah! [ female announcer ] lipton. be more tea. [ male announcer ] disney's muppets most wanted march 21st. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: ladies and gentlemen, kermit the frog. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it's not that easy being green having to spend each day the color of leaves ♪ ♪ when i think it could be nicer being red or yellow or gold or something much more colorful like that ♪ ♪ [ applause ] ♪ it's not easy being green it seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things ♪ ♪ and people tend to pass you over because you're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water ♪ ♪ or stars in the sky [ cheers and applause ] oh, may goodness. >> jimmy: hey, kermit. >> jimmy? >> jimmy: don't you know that today is the easiest day to be green. >> you know what? that's a very good point. ♪ we are green and you'll find that it's

unwrap paradise. to the toughest test i could think of. animals shouting ] why can't everyone just be more tea? [ tires screech ] excuse us. [ bicycle bell rings ] watch it! nice. whoa! one step at a time. [ tires screech, crash ] kermit, how do you cope with all these animals? just be more tea, with lipton. hey! ow! aaaaahhhh. that's better. [ female announcer ] lipton. be more tea. [ male announcer ] disney's muppets most wanted march 21st. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >>> welcome back, everybody. the good news is that jeff is still here. [ laughter and applause ] and -- >> jeff: i'm hanging out all night. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean? what's your twitter handle again so everyone can follow you? i don't know, why would they follow you? >> jeff: because it's the best thing ever? >> jimmy: what do you tweet about? selfies of you with sloths. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: selfies with sloths that way you can't talk now? >> no, it's the water. i don't know, that's not water. i don't know what it is, but jeffanimalguy. >> jimmy: what?

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unwrap your paradise. helps heal me ♪ soft, sweet coconut covered in rich, creamy chocolate.] >> seth: bleachers is the latest musical endeavor for my next guest, grammy award winner jack antonoff. here to make their television debut with the smash single "i wanna get better," please welcome bleachers. [ cheering and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ hey i hear the voice of the preacher from the back room ♪ ♪ calling my name and i follow just to find you ♪ ♪ i trace the faith to a broken down television and i put on the weather ♪ ♪ now i've trained myself to give up on the past ♪ ♪ cause i froze in time between hearses and caskets ♪ ♪ lost control when i panicked at the acid test i wanna get better ♪ ♪ while my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines ♪ ♪ i was losing my mind because the love the love the love the love the love ♪ ♪ the love that i gave wasted on a nice face ♪ ♪ in a blaze of fear i put a helmet on a helmet counting seconds through the night and got carried away ♪ ♪ so now i'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars hey i wanna get better ♪ ♪ i did

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