here it comes. 7 years ago, my beloved mary had a torrid affair with vincent strudwick. oh, god. i thought it was going to be something i cared about. hey, dick. harry? there's no good way to hear something like this. you might want to sit down. albright dorked strudwick. i almost sat down for that? the universe is out of balance. nothing makes sense anymore. strudwick gets everything i deserve. if it's not a cappuccino machine, it's a book deal. if it's not a book deal, it's mary. if it's not mary, it's... a cappuccino machine. well, maybe you should even the score. yes. yes! i could sleep with strudwick's wife! well, i was thinking you could get a cappuccino machine. wait. dick, you're talking about sleeping with my girlfriend's mother? uh-huh. don't you see? alissa looks up to her mom. if you do that, it'll undermine all of her morality, all of the values that she spent years trying to instill in alissa. that is so perfect! pave the way for the little guy, caligula! hey, hey! what? we could take them out together! what could be cooler than double-dating with your dad?! hey, yes

this is vincent strudwick. you just published my book physics for a new millennium. i want all copies recalled. why? well, besides the fact that i plagiarized the whole thing from renowned genius dick solomon, i also feel that the jacket photo fails to highlight my pouty, feminine mouth. get on it! of course this is the real strudwick! hello? hello? what's this? it's strudwick's new book. oh, i thought i smelled a stink in here. well, get used to the stink. he new textbwhat?! you' they say it's brilliant! who says that?! everyone. well, call up "everyone" and tell them to go to hell. i'll get right on that. look at this. i could writt. you think you're the smartest man on the planet, don't you? for the thousandth time, yes! nina, cancel my classes. i've got some writing to do. get out of my way! d that was dr. solomon. and this is my office. oh, gentlemen, it has been a tremendous honor to be able to give you the tour. thank you for coming. oh! you know what? you haven't seen our cafeteria! i'd love to join you, but i have a class. do they have soup? yes, i believe t