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media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org don't forget sunday night 8:00, night of too many stars. please tune in. here it is, your moment of zen. >> the debate moment the new york democratic incumbent big lead over wendy long. >> ms. long, have you read "50 shades of gray?" . >> no. >> stephen: tonight, an october surprise that could bring down obama. and a rocktober surprise that could bring jethro tull to your town! [ laughter ] then, it's autumn. don't forget to go outside and watch the beautiful changing of mitt romney's positions. [ laughter ] and my guest, chrystia freeland, says the wealthy are leaving the rest of the world behind. yeah. that's kinda the point. [ laughter ] scientists have found a turtle that pees through its mouth. or has a penis that looks like a face. [ laughter ] this is "the colbert report." [ captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) holy cow. wow. [cheers and applause] ladies and gentlemen, unbelievable. you will not believe -- [crowd chanting stephen] oh, my gosh. thank you. [cheers and applause] welcome t

he can't keep his pants captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org can. >> ste tonight scandal at the c.i.a. why can't claire danes get her [bleep] together. can meth be medicine. four out of five spiders on your face say yes. that all humans came from africa. >> see, i told you obama was from kenya. >> the president is about to pardon a turkey. what did the turkey know about benghazi. this is the "the colbert report". welcome to the program, everybody. [applause]. >> ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. >> thank you for joining us. i'm in the tv biz where it's all about the demographics. the demo we call it. i work hard to appeal to the millenials, for example, by calling them millenials. young people love to be target marketed by their birthdate and marketing power. >> you know "gangnam style." no idea what that means but they eat it up. that's right. that's why i stay up on all of the hottest millennial trends. right now there is nothing that 18 to 34 love more than soup player. you need proof. let me school on america's hott

e ) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh

and applause) captioning sponsored by triage entertainment group captioned by media access group at wgbhccess.wghb.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) it's a special election neelt edition of the da daily show. my name is jon stewart. than exciting night here. this is the night the americans in the millions conduct some kind of real time poll. the results of which i'm sure will be contested the next day. we have some preliminary results. pennsylvania which as you know is a great state named after the great pendulum has gone most supporting barack obama. [crowd cheering] >> jon: the electoral vote. obviously that was a state that mitt romney at the very end made a play for, but the amish don't play that. good news from mitt romney he has won tonight making announcements right now most of the confederacy. he's the winner there. a lot of the electoral votes. michigan, 15 electoral votes it's mitt romney's, one of mitt romney's home states. most presings reporting, we're going to call that for barack obama. [crowd cheering] it's a shame t

all. ( crowd cheering ) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhgbh.org ♪ chappelle's show, chappelle's show ♪ ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ow! ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! ♪ whoo-hoo! ♪ yeah, yeah. [♪...] let's start the show. [♪...] man: ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for dave chappelle! oh! whoa! man. hey, everybody, what's happenin'? what is happenin'? [cheering...]

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all. ( crowd cheering ) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhess.wgbh.org [♪...]@ h0p >> announcer: ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jeff dunham. [cheering and applause]

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the caption center wgbh educational foundation] bh educational foundation] funding for this program [oning] was provided by: additional funding is provided by: and:

( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhs.wgbh.org from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york are ar are, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause )

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org here it is, your home of zin. >> live from randolph, new jersey. >> more on that story. >> good morning, to everybody. the fbi-- black friday-- in >> tonight guns allowed on college campuses. now you really don't want too face the fightin irish. then i get snubbed by a major magazine. shocking. that there is still a major magazine. (laughter) >> plus my guest theoretical physicist sean carroll has a new book that i theoretically read. (laughter) nasa claims they found ice on mercury. well, i'll believe that when the closest planet to the sun freezes over. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report! thank you for joining us! choo, choo, choo! hello! (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen. you are the greatest! thank you very much. i got to tell you, when i get that kind of 4r06 from you fo

the caption center wgbh educational foundation] [captioned by y ;onal foundation] ;onal foundation] fundinging] was provided by: additional funding is provided by: and:

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> fromy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. oh, our guest tonight, a good one, tv journalist, co-founder the bob woodruff foundation, bob woodruff, he'll be joining us. now obviously new york still reeling from the affects of the superstorm this whole region. things are getting back to normal in small measures. this morning, in fact, crazy person was outside my window yelling we're all going to die! and it was mayor bloomberg was-- it was him. (laughter) and he wasn't talking about

captioning sponsored by triage entertainment group captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wghb.org >> a party too patriotic for facts. a candidate too successful for taxes; a city whose name sounds like tampon, from tampa, florida, this is the republican national convention, the road to jeb bush 2016. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. thank you so much for tuning in. we are on on a friday night t is very unusual for us. and i'm-- let's just-- here's the-- i'm the-- here's the fact. this has been a long week. we are on the road, away from our families, the people here in tampa have been very nice, very hospitable, but let's face facts. it is hotter than a gorilla's anus. (laughter) (applause) >> jon: although, to be fair to gorillas-- (laughter) -- that is a dry heat. (applause) the worst part of this town-- the worst part of this town, you can't even sit down to take a break from the unrelenting heat because the moment you form any kind of lap in the

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and cheering) captioning sponsored by triage entertainment group captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wghb.org captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we have a fine one tonight. our good friend calvin trillin from calvin trillin & hobbs, the great cartoon, calvin trillin, you remember him peeing by the wall, and there is a tiger. (laughter) hey, quick, off the top, you remember that contest, the obama campaign had, you donate and you might win lunch with the president? (laughter) you are not going to believe who won! (laughter) >> president barack obama, mitt romney just wrached up lunch in the private dining room at the white house. >> jon: i can't believe it-- mitt romney, the guy is just lucky! he probably barely donated much money at all but he still got-- (laughter) the event was actually closed to cameras but we do have footage of governor romney arriving at the white house. i believe that is him there and then he's getting out and then-- (laughter) that's-- campaign is over. so he doesn't ha

oflobalization,xpory. there wichanges and settlement patterns.luds captioned by media access group at wgbh media ♪ for information about this and other annenberg media programs call 1-800-learner and visit us at www.learner.org.

comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> welcome too the report, everybody. >> thank you so much. >> thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. folks, good to have you with us. hey, hey, let me ask you something, everybody see that debate last night? butn't that great? i mean, romney clearly won. and, folks, i am not just saying that, i am saying that on tv. so if you're an undecided voter who did not watch, just trust me, it is 2 and 0. even though, even though, folks, the night was clearly stacked against mitt. after that first debate debacle, barack obama had definitely won the low expectations game. >> for obama the bar is rather low, compared to the first debate all he has to do is string a few sentences together, coherently to make eye contact with a single extentient human and show the slightest animation in his face. >> colbert: charles kraut hammer is right, low bar, obama's last debate performance was so bad .. that bar was set at charles kraut hammer. >> now,

he can't keep his pants captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org is snupt tonight, do government officials make good role models for our kids? well, they don't make good role models for our adults. (laughter) and my guest, former speaker newt gingrich has a new novel about george washington. i cannot tell a lie-- i have not read it. (laughter) duke university has developed a working invisibility cloak. now the blue devils quiddich team will be unstoppable! (laughter) this is the "the colbert report"! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (audience chanting "stephen") thank you, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the "report." chausz (cheers and applause) thank you, thank you so much for joining us. please, nation, we have a big show tonight. my guest is none other than former presidential candidate and current moon governor newt gingrich. (laughter) two titans of south carolina politics going head to head. but who can forget when gingrich swept the south carolina re

this broadside display like captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (wolf howling, thunder crashing) >> storm clouds gather, darkness prowls,

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> jon: that's our show, join us next week at 11:00 when we all will have power an electricity and water and food. here it, your moment of zen. >> they keep playing something in my ear, some kind of weird bubbling sound. i don't know what that is supposed to indicate. >> i think from a bong, right, but i only know that from chief and chong. >> stephen: tonight, what is art, a three letter word for disappointing your parents. then scientists released a study on friendship. and squirt shampoo in arabity's eye, it is what they do. and my guest is msnbc host rachel maddout. if she's here then who is getting ratings on msnbc. a nine-year-old boy spent his parent's life savings on candy. he shouldn't have paid full price for that $100,000 bar. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (cheers and applause) thank you ladies and gentlemen. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> jon's our show, join us next week at 11:00 when we all will have power an electricity and water and food. here it, your moment of zen. >> they keep playing something in my ear, some kind of weird bubbling sound. i don't know what that is supposed to indicate. >> i think from a bong, right, but i only know that from chief and chong. >> videos from the internet and intended for a mature audience. enjoy. >> oh jesus. >> get up. woe. [applause].

and applause) captioning sponsored by triage entertainment group captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wghb.org from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. my guest mike huckabee of the fox news program huckabee will be on the program. he's clearly landed in the right place for himself in terms of hosting. i just want to tell you very quickly, hurricane sandy relief efforts still slowly but surely advancing. the red cross, fema companies doing a nice job except obviously the power company in long island. [bleep]. it would be a shame if you lost power. but here is the thing about the conditions. it's much worse than you probably understand even from the vivid and horrific nature of the images you've seen. the destruction and devastation. the crazy part some of the hardest hit area are places heavily populated with our first responders. firefighters, police, sanitation, e.m.t.s, all live very heavily in these areas. people we rely o

straw in a twinge key an captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody! (cheers and applause) thank you so much! change so much, ladies and gentlemen. (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen") thank you, ladies and gentlemen. you're too kind. thank you for joining us. (cheers and applause) folks, folks i wish everybody at home could be here in the studio tonight. these people have made me feel like king of the road. (laughter) (cheers and applause) thank you for joining us. nation, i am happy. it's the christmas season. or as my jewish viewers call it: christmas. (laughter) no exceptions. but there is one bit of yuletide news that's making visions of anger plums dance in my head. jim? >> one man's heart is two sizes too small this holiday season. he was arrested in canada for lying and telling kids that santa claus doesn't exist. 24-year-old man walked the parade route in ontario saying "santa's not

captioning sponsored by wpbt captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> join us anytime at nbr.com. there, you'll find full episodes of the program, complete show transcripts and all the market stats. also follows us on our facebook page at bizrpt. and on twitter @bizrpt. >>> the following is a co-production of kqed and the center for investigative reporting. >> the system for corrections itself is failing with the cost of $50,000 per inmate, this is not a sustainable system. >> governor jerry

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captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org stephen: that' >> from comedy cd news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we're going to have a nice one for you tonight. from "the new york times" 538 block, statistician all-star nate silver will be joining us on the show. [cheering and applause] and then tomorrow night it's president barack obama. but still... [laughter] these people get to... [cheering and applause] nate silver, the president of statistician-stan. as you know, last night the presidential cam pan headed to hofstra university where the candidates debated from a diverse crowd hard of long islanders ranging from italian guys to other italian guys to a jewish guy and his mom. [laughter] such diversity in long island. the first question somehow ended up on the auto industry rescue. >> i know you keep saying, you want to take detroit bankrupt. well, the president took detroit bankrupt. you took general motors bankrupt.

ng sponsored by levity entertainment group captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> from comedy central world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. oh, our guest tonight, a good one, tv journalist, co-founder the bob woodruff foundation, bob woodruff, he'll be joining us. now obviously new york still reeling from the affects of the superstorm this whole region. things are getting back to normal in small measures. this morning, in fact, crazy person was outside my window yelling we're all going to die! and it was mayor bloomberg was-- it was him. (laughter) and he wasn't talking about the storm. he was talking about transfats. (laughter) but so everything seems to be coming around. (laughter) i'm actually so proud of this area. still very thankful to be in soggy portion we areless new york. because, and this is true, you have to keep perspective n someplaces in this count

he can't keep his pants captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ chappelle's show, chappelle's show ♪ ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ow! ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! ♪ whoo-hoo! ♪ yeah, yeah. [♪...] let's start the show. [♪...] man: ladies and gentlemen, dave chappelle! dave: hey. what? oh, snap, oh. thanks, y'all, thanks, y'all. welcome, everybody. welcome to chappelle's show. welcome, man. thanks for coming out tonight, y'all. you know, i almost was afraid no one would be here. i had a conversation that upset me where a dude said my show was offensive to black people. normally, that doesn't bother me, but he was white. so it freaked me out that much more. [laughter] he had me thinking for a second, "word, nigg...?" but he might have a point. i'm not gonna discount him just because he was white.

captioning sponsored by wpbt captioned by media access group at wgbh accous.wgbh.org i'm tom hudson with an nbr news >> join us anytime at nbr.com. there, you'll find full episodes of the program, complete show transcripts and all the market stats. also follows us on our facebook page at bizrpt. and on twitter @bizrpt. >>> the most expensivle

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org that'sour show. at 11:00, and remember, the rumble 2012.com, it's going to be at 8:00 p.m. saturday, eastern, he's going downtime

captioning sponsored by wpbt captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> join us anytime at nbr.com. there, you'll find full episodes of the program, complete show transcripts and all the market stats. ttlso follows us on our faceboop page--izrpt. and o twitttter @bizrpt. @ captioning sponsored by macneil/lehrer productions >> brown: israel stepped up its military offensive in gaza today and hamas rockets targeted tel

he can't keep his pants captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh ♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ announcer: it's the futurama holiday spectacular,

captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org - she's been dead maybe ten minutes. - like head chopped off. - no, she died of, like, natural causes. - i'd do it, man. she was cute as hell in commando. i'd show her who's the boss. poison her ivy. - whoa. something's up. - guys, we've been boiler roomed. telamericorp was just a shell of a company. alice probably felt some heat from the feds, right? so she packed up in the middle of the night. that makes me vin diesel. - ooh, i'm giovanni ribisi. - oh, i'm like a scott cann- jamie kennedy combo doggie then. - jamie kennedy, maybe. i feel that experience. [cell phone rings] - hello? [whispers] it's alice. okay, let's talk. what's the vig to get in on your game? - why aren't you here yet? [snaps fingers] - why aren't we where yet? - oh, christ, you're at the old offices, aren't you? we moved offices over the weekend. it's all i've talked about for weeks. - guys, we moved offices. - oh, yeah, i totally forgot. - yeah, um, alice... - oh, wait, wait, let me-- hey, alice, so we're done with the old office, right? we're never going back?