the case against this are going to be veryored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: right there? is that the one? welcome to "the report," everybody. [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheering and applause] welcome to "the report," everybody. folks, thank you so much. you know... [cheering and applause] welcome to "the report." good to have you with us. nation, i don't know what it is, but tonight i feel ten years younger. it might be the summer sun or the smell of barbecue or the chaos in iraq. [laughter] jim? >> militants on the move in iraq conquering city after city. >> they've now taken mosul, iraq's second largest city, tikrit, saddam hussein's hometown, baiji, an iraqi oil refinery town, and today they are taking direct aim at baghdad. >> the country's government and military is literally disintegrating before our eyes. >> the situation is growing more urgent as american contractors are forced to

i was captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight a huge shakeup in the rebound party. you'll never guess which middle aged white man replaced the other middle aged white man and you now have the right to remain silent and party and rob rhinehart wants to replace all meals with a nutrient rich shake with soylent. he's people. police in arizona arrested a man trying to shoot the moon with a handgun. what an idiot. have you to wait until it's full. this is the "colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] >> welcome to report, everybody. whoo, whoo! good to have you with us. [cheering] >> stephen: it was all over the place. thank you, so much. folks, we have -- have to settle down. i'm sorry. we have to do this. i'm sorry. i understand the feeling but there is no time for your celebration. because tonight i'm reporting on a surprise balloon drop! whoo! whoo! whoo! [ patriotic music ] >> stephen: now are probably thinking, stephen, why are you celebrating at the top of your show. well, greg, f

this someone who is trying to fight against his comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, steve only, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you so much. good to have you with us. please, everybody, first off, everybody at home watching right now, i want to thank everybody in here, out there, all around the world. but if you are just-- if are you just joining our broadcast already in progress, you may be noticing this. (laughter) this will all be explained later. (laughter) for now just enjoy the ride. (laughter) i know i am. but first, folks, it's a great day for america. and i could not be angrier about it. (laughter) i try getting angrier and i couldn't do it because i started getting happy about how angry i was. (laughter) >> and it's all because of major news from our war in afghanistan. first we're still fighti

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: whoo. welcome to the show, everybody. [audience chanting "stephen"] steep u-s-a, u-s-a, u-s-a, u-s-a, u-s-a! [cheering and applause] welcome to "the report." thank you for joining us. ladies and gentlemen. nation, nation, you can feel it at home. it's like a wave of electric patriotism right across the wire. we're all excited and cheering for the same reason -- i'm about to take a two-week vacation. [cheering and applause] but also i am pumped about team u.s.a.'s match against germany today. they said it could not be done, but we dug down deep and lost our game. [cheering and applause] but, but, but we also had portugal win in a different game by not by a lot, so we're number two, we're number two, we're number two! >> audience: we're number two, we're number two! >> stephen: and folks, i cannot wait for the next round. like you, i've been bitten hard by the soccer bug, also known as luis suarez. i'm

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheering and applause] [audience chanting "stephen"] >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. welcome to "the report." good too have you with us. folks at home, if you've never been to the show live, you've got to come here to the studio to see the show in person, because what you don't get at home is that right now in this room, the air is thick with the opiate of love. [cheering and applause] and i'm taking deep tokes off these people. thank you so much for being here. don't do drugs. nation, the mid-terms are rapidly approaching, and things look good for republicans across the board with one glaring exception. the g.o.p. continues to struggle with hispanic chamber of commerce -- hispanic voters. for some reason they're not rallying to the g.o.p.'s message or "look, marco rubio! " that's why it's more important than ever to reach out the suburban futbol madres and average jose seis-pack. but a new strategy has been pioneered by ari

soccer, soccer, soccer, captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report. welcome. thank you so much. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, folks. sit down. folks thank you so much. oh, you, my brother, it was gorgeous and yum, " why um. thank you so much for being here tonight. i told you all about the recent surge of violence in iraq and how it caught president obama with his mom jeans down. ( laughter ) but you know what they say-- every brutal terrorist onslaught has a silver lining. in this case it brought back my old pals, the iraq pack, and they are sing the same old tune. >> look, i think we should have found a way to keep an american presence in iraq. >> president bush did exactly the right thing in overthrowing saddam hussein. >> i'm not responsible for iraq today. that's because of what barack obama did. >> general petraeus had the conflict won, thanks to the surge. we had

the case against this are going to be veryored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhtioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org [theme music playing] [cheering and applause]

get stuck in sculptures of captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: welcome to "the report." good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen. [audience chanting "stephen"] that's it. hit their mark right away. ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. [cheering and applause] thank you, ladies and gentlemen. with an open like that... thank you, ladies and gentlemen. i will try to live up to the adulation you just gave me. nation, president barack obama has been one big national disgrace. first it was the embarrassing mom jeans. then there was the embarrassing mom blouse and the embarrassing mom hairdo. of then there was the embarrassing realization they was looking at a photo of my mom. [laughter] thanks a lot, obama. folks, his biggest blunder yet came at a recent visit to away chipotle. >> take a look at this picture. see anything wrong with that? >> oh, yeah. >> he actually sneezed over the sneeze guard. >> he reached over the sneeze guard.

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: welcome to "the report." good to have you with us. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you so much. [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheering and applause] thank you, ladies and gentlemen. it's so lovely to have you here. foarks we have so many stories that we've got to cover tonight, and it's foreign let you know there is so much news breaking right now. for instance, u-s-a, u-s-a, u-s-a, u-s-a! and if you thought i wasn't going to lead off tonight with patriotic chance and correspondent: you were wrong, you were wrong, you were wrong! thank you. last week i may have seemed excited about team u.s.a.'s world cup win over ghana, but that's because i thought it was over and we had won the world cup. well, news flash, there is more to the world than us and ghana. [laughter] i have some terrible news, folks. i don't know how the say this, but i care about soccer. [whistles] that's a foul on futbol for u

this is a big [bleeped] captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, a new secret weapon to defeat. she can't run for president if she's binge watching "orange is the new black." then a longtime g.o.p. senator is in trouble. the raccoon on rand paul's head woke up, and it is not happy. and my guest katty kay and claire shipman believe women's brains work differently. i don't understand what that means and it makes me angry. police in fresno, california, busted a meth lab in a retirement community. they got suspicious when no one there had any teeth. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] [audience chanting "stephen"] steep welcome to "the report," everybody. good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen. [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheering and applause] welcome to "the report," everybody. nation, folks, i have gone... i have got some enormous news tonight, huge news, breaking today. it has been nearly two years since the tragic attack o

they'll need overflight rights, they'll need air s comedy centrl captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] u-s-a. u-s-a. u-s-a! ole! ole! ole!. u-s-a! ole! ole! ole! welcome to "the report." thank you so much. welcome to "the report." folks, i want to start off tonight by saying hello and gracias for joining us or however brazilians say "gracias" in portuguese because last night in brazil at the world cup america won a soccer. >> a world cup victory for team u.s.a. >> the dramatic game that had the whole nation cheering. >> team u.s.a. defeating ghana 2-1. >> millions of americans are celebrating this morning. >> we have soccer fever. >> stephen: yes, we have soccer fever, and one of the symptoms of soccer fever is victory foot. u-s-a! ole! ole! ole!. folks, this is a huge day for america's sports fan, who have been excited about the world cup ever since they noticed it was happening, which was shortly after the nba finals ended on sunday. [laughter] now, it's no secret, i have always been

this someone who is trying to fight against his comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (eagle caw) >> stephen: tonight, obama makes a huge overreach on climate change. get ready for government-mandated sun bonnets. (laughter) then a new threat to our senior citizens. time continues to move forward. (laughter) my guest tonight is morgan freeman, host of "through the wormhole" on the science channel. i'm still on season one, so no spoilers on how the universe ends. (laughter) this week marks the 25th anniversary of tiananmen square -- or as they call it in china, tank man happy day. (laughter) this is the "the colbert report"! (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: welcome to "the colbert report thank you for joining us, everybody! thank you so much! (audience chanting stephen) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! that was a first! that was a first! (cheers and applause) thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen! i've got to say, your enthusiasm tonight, what you just did almost led to a first on the show! i almost

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." 8 captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a a show for you tonight. my guest tonight, the former iraq ambassador to the united nations, hamid al-bayati, will be on the show tonight, author of the book "from dictatorship to democracy," which i imagine for the paperback there will always probably be an addendum, depending on where it goes next. but first, you know, sometimes a legal ruling comes down that makes everyone say, what? we're just getting around to that now? like when mississippi finally ratified the 13th amendment banning slavery. [laughter] um, last year. laughter or when the supreme court ruled recently you can no longer use kittens for skeet shooting. [laughter] [audience reacts] before you, oh, that cat does look like it's attacking. i'm just going to give you the

good night. ponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight, oh, we love this woman, melissa mccarthy is going to be joining us tonight. we're so excited about that. [cheering and applause] but first, funny story, remember that time we invaded iraq to remove the threat of the world's most dangerous people using the world's most dangerous weapons and it turned out the threat wasn't there? well, good news, the threat's there now. [laughter] in some measure due to the destabilizing effect of our intervention. you'll never guess what the people who hyped the original plan would like to do now. >> we must grapple our best to help iraq meet this threat. >> it is absolutely essential that we stop isis from gaining this foothold in iraq. >> we need air power immediately to stop the advance. >> we

captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. thanks for joining us. my guest tonight, i think you'll enjoy, this his name is daniel schulman. he's the author of a book called "sons of wichita," which is the somewhat less-exciting sequel to "sons of anarchy." actually, it's about the rise of the billionaire libertarian koch brothers, who if you live in new york city, you know they are ruining the country and funding the ballet. so we're not quite sure what to make of these cats, but before we get to, that there was real milestone in the fight for marriage equality. >> this afternoon the last state without a legal challenge to its same-sex marriage ban got one. seven couples filed a federal lawsuit in the u.s. district court in fargo. >> jon: oh, yeah. yeah, equality descending on north dakot

media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org uncer: june 3rd. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to the show. i'm jon stewart. man, do we have a good show tonight. my guest tonight on this very night we have -- you want to hear this. my guest tonight is richard gervais. he is a comedian of note from the united kingdom. very exciting. first very big story broke concerning our now teenage war in afghanistan. teenage years are tough for everybody especially wars. let's see what happened. >> breaking news a good news story u.s. army sergeant bowe bergdahl who has been in captivity in afghanstan for about five years was released by the taliban. >> across the board this is a magnificent wonderful story. >> jon: yes, this sounds like the perfect time for a brand new segment "a magnificent wonderful story." [cheers and applause] >> jon: you know it's so rare. this is why it's so amazing. it's so rare america gets a story like this, magnificent and won

shall live in peace we shall captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhess.wgbh.org g sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: tonight, partisan politicpolitics are tearing this country apart. i blame the democrats. then, new regulations in soc media. you can no longer claim your facebook friends as dependents. and my guest, edie falco, plays a nurse on showtime's "nurse jackie." i will interview her in a backlesbackless robe. a new study says casual sex may be good for you. well, it was good for me. this is the "colbert report." ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: whooo! whooo"no. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: whooo! whooo! >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. ( cheers and applause ). >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. in here, out there, all around the world. you know why we're here. we're not here to frost cup cakes. we're not here to pussy foot around. so pull up your panties, ladies and gentlemen. it is time to drive the 18 wheeler of truth down the

good night. red by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

g sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> it's 11:59 andit today. an amazing video of a bachelor party gone horribly wrong in sweden-- or as i like to call it, scandinavian tampa. that thing that we all do at our bachelor party. take this live chicken. now run through the fire! run through the fire! get into the lake! get in

this someone who is trying to fight against his comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhme to the report. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, steve only, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause)

g sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> it's 11:59 and this on ridit today. an amazing video of a bachelor party gone horribly wrong in

this someone who is trying to fight against his comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhaptioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, steve only, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause)

good night. red by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org if it is 11t's also throwback thursday we thought we'd celebrate with a look back at the league's i ill uh lustrous past. the geniuses over at

get stuck in sculptures of captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhred by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: welcome to "the report." good to have you with us, ladies and gentlemen.

good night. red by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org this is "the daily show" with jon stewart! (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." i'm jon stewart. we've got a program for you tonight! our program tonight is very special, spectacular. first of all, from the new film "edge of tomorrow," we have a talented young actor named thomas cruise! (cheers and applause) he'll be joining us in a bit. but before that, tonight i want to begin with guns. (applause) (laughter) because this is north america, and everything begins -- and frequently ends -- with guns. >> walking in to a convenience store with a rifle, ordering a latae with a long gun. it's all part of a protest by the group open carry texas. they advocate for gun rights with an in-your-face style that is perfectly legal in the lone star state. >> i'm about to show you how to get a slurpee with an ak-47. (laughter) >> jon: and then after that a slightly used bmw with the car already running and the driver already in it. obviously, the gentleman isn't robbing the 7-11 -- by the wa

get stuck in sculptures of captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh.org

this someone who is trying to fight against his comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbhin the building? (elevator ding) yeah. they keep making 'em bigger every year. buildings. (elevator ding) you grew up around here? i was born here. oh, you were born here, in the elevator? kidding, it's my new york sarcastic sense of humor. (dinging) looks like we caught the local. and what about you-- you doing all right? everything all right? uh-huh. life. yeah, i'm fine, thank you. i'm fine, too. i just need my first cup of coffee, then i'm a little better. not good for you, it's not that bad for you. like red wine. they say you have a glass of red wine and it's good for your heart. this week went by fast, didn't it? i mean, it's already thursday. i was telling somebody yesterday, i go, "what is it, tuesday--" they go, "no, wednesday." i go, "shut up." they go, "look." i looked, you know, and it was wednesday, they were right, but, yeah, you know, you gotta enjoy-- we got a couple of days left so we can enjoy those, that's for sure. so how you doing, all right? mm-hmm, fine. me too,

it for "the report," eve captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh damn it! put the teethy wrench on the square thing and jiggle it left. [dishwasher whirring] thanks. by the way, that square thing is a hampton bolt and a manacheck maneuver. hey. hey, i'm just here for the tater tots. wait. look, i know you think you made your mind up about plumbing, and i respect that. but come to the third floor men's room tomorrow after 3.

g sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org thjust got coolerpes, just a dance floor of freshly baked bread packed with tender sliced turkey, black forest ham, lean roast beef and every veggie under the flashing disco ball of your imagination. and if this club wasn't bumpin' enough, avocado's here bustin' some superfood super moves. subway club with avocado: one club we can all get into. perfectly bite-sized drops of rich and creamy chocolate happiness. when the chocolate is hershey's, life is delicious.

they'll need overflight rights, they'll need air s comedy centrl captioned by media access group at wgbhccess.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing]