>> well, some women are completely obvious whelmed and it is devastating and you don't know it is comingt to get help when something like this happens. when something like this dramatic happens, people retreat and go off to be alone and you need to take advantage of being with friends and family and don't blame yourself, because obviously this person kept this secret from you, and they did not necessarily let on that this is where they were going with things. >> and why it makes for good reality television or drama television is because it is so public, which adds to perhaps the psychological damage. >> absolutely. i mean, how do you feel when all of this is being played out in front of everyone. it is one thing to be so, you know, disappointed by your partner, but another thing for everyone to witness it. and for you to not be able to sort of sweep it under the rug and deal with it privately, but to have everyone that you know asking you indefinitely what is going on. >> in terms of your expertise, is there a way to prevent this? i mean, are there certain clues and science and conversat