that's whitney cummings. i hate you because you're a cunt. [laughter] anthony jeselnik is here. i'll pause for a few moments so those of you at home can wikipedia him. [laughter] it's great you're here, anthony. what happened? is daniel tosh busy getting fisted in key west? [laughter] it's great to see my old friend jeffrey ross here tonight, doing what he does best-- sitting and watching funny people tell jokes. wow, jeff, you're even uglier than you were last year. look at that hair. look at that mop. i've seen better hair on susan boyle's taint. [laughter] don't you laugh at a hair joke, trump. look at that helmet. what do you say to a barber to get that type of hair cut? "i fucked your daughter"? [laughter] situation from the jersey shore. you're all over television. and you have a book out. i tried ordering your book on amazon.com. amazon said, "customers who bought this book also bought a rope and a stool." [laughter] but enough about chachi. let's get to the reason we're all here tonight-- donald trump