hurry, wilbur. step right down on my back. (roaring) wilbur! wilbur! what were you doing in there? and in your shorts? well, i was just trying to stay ahead of the lion. what? it's a long story, honey, and i... mr. foster, i want to talk to you about that job. you get that man away from me. no, honey, i don't want you working for that man. but security? there's no real security unless you're happy, and i don't see how you can be happy working for him. honey, every man should have a wife just like you. i agree. say, mr. lion, aren't you glad you're in there instead of out here with all those goofy humans? (roaring) you both have a perfect driving record. >>perfect. no tickets. no accidents... >>that is until one of you clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. >>yup... now, you would think your insurance company would cut you some slack, right? >>no. your insurance rates go through the roof. your perfect record doesn't get you anything. >>anything. perfect! for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. and if you do h

[grunting] if you're gonna kiss me, wilbur, shave first. (carol) wilbur! wilbur? hi. hiding out here in the barn so that i had to walk the baby. i'm sorry, honey. i must've fallen asleep. i don't think it was fair at all. well, i had to take care of ed. see, he came down with the mumps. the mumps? yeah. well, he didn't have 'em when he was a baby. wilbur, this is the wildest story you've ever cooked up. horses don't have the mumps. well, his--his cheeks are all puffed out, and he wasn't whistling dixie. oh, wilbur. the baby's over at the kirkwoods. now, please get dressed. i have some shopping for you to do. ok. uh, carol. look, uh, stay away from ed. see, if those are the--the traveling mumps, why, you might end up looking like a camel. i can't get over wilbur, ducking out on me all night like that. now, don't get yourself all worked up, carol. the colonel promised he'd give us a hand with the baby, today. halt, colonel! (carol) stop, honey. stop, darling. here's your uncle gordon with his magic mustache. [stops crying] i'm shaving it off right after lunch. darling.

(women chattering) carol: wilbur! wilbur, what's going on here? uh, i... i can explain. you see, what happened, you know it's ed's birthday and, well, i wasn't going to throw a birthday party for him, believe me. you see, horses have feelings just like people. you ladies understand? kay, you understand, kay, because you know how i feel about ed, and you see, horses can sense what you're doing, you know what i mean? carol, honey, i know how ridiculous this seems. but you gotta see my side of it. i mean, if i can't discuss it with my wife, just... well, i thought they'd never leave. let's get back to my birthday cake, huh, uh, uh, is carol talking to you yet? well, she just smiled at me, so there's hope. but that was a terrible trick you played, switching that luncheon to mildred's house. don't be sore at me, wilbur. i'm only a 9-year-old kid. well, 9 years old in a horse is equal to 60 in a human being! then stop yelling at an old man! oh, you. [ giggling ] ...with elinor donahue, billy gray,

we didn't either, did we, wilbur? wilbur? -wilbur! -two eggs, fried. -(gasps) -oh, honey! -poor thing. -is it time to go home? lady linda hasn't even come out on the track yet. ugh, i don't blame her. only people are stupid enough to get up at this hour. here they come! addison: come on, lady linda. well, here she is, wilbur. look at her. lady linda. isn't she magnificent? right now i'd give you $10 for that blanket. (all laughing) oh, wilbur, i want you to meet my trainer, whitey morgan. how do you do? ladies, how are you? jimmy, take her up to the starting gate, let her come all out. i want to see what she can do. okay, girl. yes, sir, if we get a good workout today, we'll know whether she's ready. she'll be ready. and after she wins saturday, and then on to the big win in indianapolis. no, dear. no. but why not? well, for one thing, i don't want my horse running against automobiles. here we go. she's ready. here we go. okay, jimmy, let her go. -(starting bell rings) -(william tell overture plays) (music slows down) oh, what happened? maybe she only runs when people are

wilbur, one of your guests is leaving. oh? (wilbur) oh, it's just rog'. [laughs] [wilbur laughing] [women laughing] i know another one of his guests who is leaving. who? me! [sobbing] oh. oh, kay, that's not the wilbur post i married. why, he's spoiled and conceited. if he keeps on acting like this, it will wreck our marriage. oh, please don't cry. i just can't bear to see you like this, carol. come on over to my house, and we'll have a cup of coffee. you'll feel better. come on. (carol) what would i do without you? good morning, edward. hmm, quite a party last night, wasn't it? the nice thing was that everybody had a chance to meet me. by the way, when my book comes out, i'll autograph a copy for you. [yawning] thanks a bunch. hey, wilbur. yes, edward? i finished the first chapter. you'd better read it. good. my first chapter. uh-huh. "if horses could talk and man would listen, "the world would be one large, happy stable. one of our cherished blessings is humility." i like that, ed. continue. "a horse would never let success go to his mane." wonderful. (

you got to work fast, wilbur. lot of companies coming out with new stuff, and i've got to beat them to the punch. roger, what were you doing in there? developing pictures? you may not believe this, but i had a very good reason for being in there. really? what? i was hiding from you. well, that's a pretty wild story. you know something? i believe him. well, it all depends. paul, do you want a plain, ordinary hit, or--or an immortal classic? [bowling pins clattering] hey, you're getting to be a real sharpshooter. [laughing] thanks. you know what i'd like for my birthday? no, what? 2 pairs of bowling shoes. ok, ed, if, um-- if you do me a favor. you've got a deal. what's the favor? well, paul fenton dropped by. oh. yeah. he, uh... he wants me to write a song for his publishing company. oh, yeah? here, ed, have a carrot. thank you. hmm, imported. well, he said he wants a blues number now. you see, that's the trend. so i told him i'd see what i could do. huh, you mean what i could do? well, that's what i meant, yes. we

(wilbur) that's right. wilbur, this is a stroke of genius. this can't miss. this has got to take first prize. i'm gonna get in this picture if it kills me. come on, honey, we'll be late for the ballet. oh, wilbur. oh, roger. yeah? when you're finished with ed, put a couple of hot water bottles next to his feet. you both have a perfect driving record. >>perfect. no tickets. no accidents... >>that is until one of you clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. >>yup... now, you would think your insurance company would cut you some slack, right? >>no. your insurance rates go through the roof. your perfect record doesn't get you anything. >>anything. perfect! for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. and if you do have an accident, our claim centers are available to assist you 24/7. for a free quote, switch to liberty mutual and you could save up to $509 call today at see car insurance in a whole new light. liberty mutual insurance. hi, ed. how do you feel today? in the pink, wilbur. it's good to

very stylish, wilbur. plunging seatline, huh? (laughs) now, gordon, leave wilbur alone. winnie: (laughing) it's not funny. it's not funny at all. (laughs) please excuse me. (laughing) i have some work to do. (laughing) since our air force days. anything for a laugh. (laughs) oh, i just happened to sit down on a freshly shellacked chair, which i guess is a pretty silly thing to do. you know, wilbur, that's what i like about you. i've always believed if a man can laugh at himself... (slowly) which chair? the one with the gabardine seat cover. this chair i'm sitting on... was it shellacked, too? well, gordon, if you plan to laugh at yourself, now's a good time to start. (cloth tearing) welcome to the "sun-worshippers" of america. gordon... colonel, sir, i'm sorry. winnie, look. a brand new pair of slacks completely ruined. now, stop carrying on. these things are bound to occur. only when wilbur post is around. the man's a walking accident looking for someplace to happen. -(laughs) -(doorbell ringing) hello, wilbur, carol. hi. are we interrupting anything? no. come in, come

carol: oh, wilbur! oh! oh! wilbur! oh, wilbur! oh, he hit his head. wilbur, are you all right? his eyes look glassy. he always looks like that. oh, wilbur, did you hurt yourself? wilbur? who's wilbur? who are you people, anyway? where am i? oh, wilbur, you did hurt yourself! he's only faking. mister, will you take your daughter and get out of here? he's got amnesia. daughter? i like him better with amnesia. wilbur. will you stop shouting at me, louise? louise? why are you calling me louise? for the same reason you're calling me wilbur. now, wait a minute. he just doesn't want to go to the concert tonight. the concert. of course! where's my piano? piano? how can i play tonight without my piano? he thinks he plays the piano. thinks? thinks? everybody knows rabinski plays the piano. hello, dr. cathcart? this is carol post. oh, please hurry over here right away. i'm worried about wilbur. well, what do you think? i'd cut out those late nights, big boy. now he thinks he's a doctor. i am not a doctor. i am vladimir rabinski! before the accident, he couldn't even say vladimir rabinski.

wilbur, addison has something to say to you. me? wilbur. it seems there were some cats in my backyard... now, just a minute. apples, he'll eat. fish, maybe. but cats, never. wilbur... hi, fella. look... addison just found out that some cats ate his fish. i'm sorry i didn't take your word. ed. i know you said you'd never talk to me again, and... well, i... look, i... i really can't blame you. i mean, you gave me your word, and... i should've believed you. like i said, i... i got it coming to me, ed. i only hope that someday, maybe you'll forgive me, and ed: wilbur. ed. you talked! what is it, ed? what do you want? i'll forgive you, if you do me a great favor. anything, ed! just name it, anything. come closer. (inaudible whispering) barker: you have plenty of time to... two? thank you, sir. you have plenty of time to stop here and see the sideshow! and, ladies and gentlemen, the admission price is 25 cents! uh, two tickets, please. two tickets. yes, sir. and thank you very much, sir. now, ladies and gentlemen, the price of admission is 25 cen

but wilbur, you don't have a reputation as a magician. wilbur. wilbur, why can't i go along to san francisco? ed, don't bother me. your little horsie is gonna miss you. it'll only be for three days, little horsie. go back in the stall, huh. you know, we've never been separated, wilbur. i'm gonna miss you. go back in the stall. -what? -hmm? oh! oh, carol it's you. who did you think it was? oh, i thought it was you, and darned if it wasn't. wilbur, why can't i go with you? honey, it wouldn't be any fun for you. i'll be up there tied up with all those magicians, you'll be bored to death. she was my roommate in college. and while you're busy with the magic, why, judy and i can go shopping all day. -shopping? -mmm-hmm. that'll take a load off my mind. and my checkbook. oh, wilbur, i promise i won't spend much. ten dollars a day. how's that? ten dollars? on my word of honor. okay. oh, wilbur! thank you, darling. it'll be like a second honeymoon. yeah. just you and me and 400 magicians. oh, thanks again, honey. well, that's settled. i've still got anoth

wilbur, your shoes! oh, wilbur, don't forget your shoes! wilbur, don't forget your shoes! your shoes! -can you reach it with that boom, gordon? -yes, it's fine. perfect. -uh, excuse me... -i'll be with you in a second. just take a chair and sit down. make sure that key light hits mr. ainsworth. a little more. pick it up a little bit. yeah, the lights look fine. better check my opening introduction. oh, i'm sorry. i didn't know these things slipped off so easily, mister... uh, mister... uh, that's mr. fuller, is it? who are you? wilbur post. i'm in the debate. i'm the negative. why don't you come back when you're developed. (laughs) very funny. that's a good joke. may i help you up, mister... well, hello, mr. ainsworth! -mr. ainsworth! -hello, russ. don't you look fine. good to see you. elsa! my favorite script girl. don't you look pretty? (chuckles) -hello, gordon. how's mr. big ears? -fine, fine. that's the boy. ernie, how's the boy? how's your little boy? oh, fine. nice of you to remember his birthday. ainsworth: i hope he liked the electric train set. -oh, he sure does.

(sniffling) it's not that, wilbur. it looks like we'll never go camping. wilbur. here they come, rog. -hello, wilbur. -kay. welcome home, mother. thank you, dear. thank you. mother, this is carol's husband wilbur. he's addison's best friend. your mother. well, you must be kidding. if she looked any younger, why, she'd be twirling a baton. roger's best friend? how do you do? oh. oh, addison, mother's here. mother, darling. welcome. hello, roger. mother, i bought this candy just for you. candy? you know i'm on a diet. oh, and it shows, mother. it shows. you look simply wonderful. you're looking well, roger. i'm a little surprised, though. you still have some hair left. isn't it amazing? would you believe it at one time, this man had as much hair as you have? well, you know what they say. a high forehead is a sign of intelligence, and each time he combs his hair, roger gets a little bit smarter. oh, what lovely gladiolas. the most beautiful gladiolas i've ever seen. they're simply darling gladiolas. they are not gladiolas. they're snapdragons. simply darling snapdrag

ed: wilbur. (groans) wilbur. (groans) ed. ed, what happened? i've been shot by some careless hunter. (groans) i didn't hear any shot. he must have used a silencer. (groans) ed, you're bleeding. i'll wipe it off for you. no, don't touch it. it hurts. ed, i should never have brought you here. i forgive you, wilbur. oh, it's getting dark. come on back. we came up here to shoot ducks, remember? what... my. some careless hunter shot ed. oh, that's too bad. oh, is there anything i can do? no, i don't think so. yes, there is. take my gun and you can throw it in the lake. i'm never going hunting again. all right, wilbur. and throw yours in, too. oh, no, wait a minute. my... my gun cost $375. rog, if you don't throw that gun in the lake, i'll never speak to you again. fine. oh. ed. ed, how do you feel? getting weaker. oh, no wonder. (groans) ketchup! wilbur, yell, but don't hit. oh, oh, ed. oh, i had a... i'm just relieved that you're all right. (laughs) oh, boy. i mean, this could've happened, you know. oh, ed. oh, believe me. i really learned my lesso

poor wilbur. wilbur: i'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen. (whispering) it's a fiasco. wilbur: he generally does it right away. i can't understand it. i cannot understand it. why, that horse hasn't done one trick yet. wilbur: he's getting it. he's getting-- please, if you love me, ed, please. 1, 2, 3. this is your big chance. come on, ed. look. (thumping) (applause) joe, margie's music! ladies and gentlemen, this is margie, the only elephant that can really twist. come on, girl. (rock 'n' roll) (laughter, applause) look, what was going on out there? i couldn't go through with it. why not? and also save mr. hodges' bread and butter. oh, so that's what this was all about, huh? yeah. (laughing) ah, look. isn't she cute doing the twist? (laughter, applause) i'm a bit of a twister myself. come on, wilbur, join me. no. well, that's show biz. well, no matter what they say, ed, you'll always be a star to me. - [voiceover] robert young and jane wyatt (children laughing) with elinor donahue, billy gray, and lauren chapin in father knows best. (soft music) (restless movement) - [m

wilbur. if you want it, honey, you go buy it. wilbur. hm? oh, i'm sorry. what are you reading, carol? aristotle's metaphysics, rhetoric, and poetics. you ought to read it, honey. no, i'll wait until they make it into a movie. frank sinatra should be great as aristotle. hm? do you know why they called aristotle's school the peripatetic? look, what am i having here, lunch or a final exam? you just don't want to discuss anything intellectual with me. you don't think i'm on your level. carol, what are you so upset about? all you think i can talk about is whether we have fish or meatballs for dinner or holes in your socks. holes in my socks for dinner? who can understand women? hello, is this j.p. allen the locksmith? good. i've got a stall door that's jammed. would you bring a blowtorch over? forget it. the warden just came in. i heard that, ed, and it's not going to do you any good. you will stay locked in that stall. if i'm going to wear stripes, i might as well be a zebra. you're acting like a jackass. so, now you're bringing my relatives into this. oh, wil

addison: wilbur. wilbur! kay and i are going with you to san francisco. that's wond... she talked you into it, huh? money's only money. sure. after all, you can't leave it all no. uh, wilbur, why are mister ed's eyes so bloodshot? huh? they're not bloodshot. no? look again. oh, maybe just a little bit. i keep warning him about those all-night alfalfa parties. he's all right. come on, ed. you, uh, still want to drive to san francisco instead of taking the plane? oh, yeah. oh, by all means, wilbur. i think so. uh, you know, we drive up the coast route. we can see all the scenery. it's very beautiful along 101 up there. uh, we could stop off along the way but when we get to san francisco, you know, we'd have the car there, and, uh, you know, it's a big town. it would save us a lot of money. we can use our car instead of hiring cabs. and i think all in all, it'll be a much more enjoyable trip. i think that's a pretty good idea. we should get a good early start, you know? uh, excuse me. isn't that horse losing an awful lot of hair? gee, he never lost this much before. i wond

well, i better start wilbur's dinner. oh, carol? i'd like to talk to you about wilbur. why? is anything wrong? i'm very fond of wilbur, carol, and frankly, i'm worried about him. why? i stopped by the barn this morning, and, well, i found him talking to his horse again. so what? lots of people talk to their animals. horses, dogs, cats, canaries. true, but they don't expect them to answer back. oh, roger, wilbur doesn't expect mister ed to answer him. carol, i was standing there, and i heard him begging that old plug to do him a favor. favor? what favor? don't ask me. all i know is that when he goes into that barn, he enters the twilight zone. he talks to that animal as if it were human, and do you know why? exactly. butterfly, one more crack like that and i'll reach for the net. why does wilbur talk to mister ed so much? now, i don't want to offend you, carol, but i suspect it's because he feels he has no one else to confide in. oh, well, i'm his wife, he can confide in me. i'm not so sure. this morning at breakfast, he was trying to talk about something that was very import

hello, wilbur. come in, come in! we've been waiting for you. how are you, wilbur? ah, you're looking fine, rog. thank you. i was about to phone you and see how you felt. no sense running up your phone bill, wilbur. you make enough telephone calls. well, let's sit guarded... uh, get started. let's play bridge. oh, wilbur, aren't we lucky? not only are our neighbors nice people, but they also play bridge. you never know what the fellow next door is capable of. strange, those were my thoughts. oh, well, let's not play the usual way tonight. let's switch partners. uh, good idea. uh, i enjoy a nice sociable evening. -(doorbell ringing) -excuse me. well, hello. is mr. post in, please? yes, come in. wilbur, a young gentleman to see you. well, hello, joey. and what can i do for you? well, uh, my dad said i should come over to apologize. oh, what for? dad made mr. hunt tell him the name of the man that reported me. well, he certainly didn't say that i did. don't feel bad, mr. post. my dad says sometimes it's necessary to rat on somebody. (stammering) but that's not true. oh

oh, wilbur, wilbur. my pal, wilbur. (kay) hi, wilbur. oh, addison. (kay) addison? they're just darling. this is my husband, mr. addison. hi, daddy-o. how are you, sir? and our neighbor, mr. post. how do you do? mr. post. and this is buzz dixon, and zelma beasley. aren't you a little early for trick or treat? mmm-hmm. yeah, that's my husband. always making little jokes. the littlest jokes you ever heard. i gotta mail this letter. this is for you, mrs. addison. i painted it myself. oh, thank you, doll. oh, what a wonderful subject. why, it's, uh, uh, unique. uh, i know just the spot for it: over my fireplace. i know a better spot: in the fireplace. i'm a very busy man. what is it you came to see me about? well, mr. addison, we came to, like, ask a big favor. we'd like to put up some lean-tos, like, on your property, so we can make it like an art colony. fine. oh, gee! we don't have that kind of money. man, we don't have any kind of money. addison, they're not harming our property in any way. that's right. we're not taking any sand, and the ocean is just where it alwa

don't you listen to wilbur, sweetheart. if there's a whistle coming with that outfit, mother will get it for you. (both laughing) well, thorndyke's chauffer should be dropping by any minute now to pick us up. oh, thank you, honey. oh, i'm really starting to get excited now. ah, me too. you know i have a feeling that this is going to be the most unforgettable weekend of my life. you know why? because it's free. my dear, if thorndyke takes me into a syndicate we'll both be wearing mink. oh, honey, shouldn't you get mister ed ready? oh, yes. yeah. rog, would you care to give me a hand with ed? anytime i can do something for that wonderful animal count on me. oh, boy! but to think just a couple of days ago roger couldn't stand mr. ed. that's one thing you can count on my husband, give him something for nothing and you touch that soft spot in his wallet. (both laughing) well, now that the fashion show is over i think i better go get the suitcases. okay, see you in a minute. okay. ed, we're ready to go. what's wrong, wilbur? we c

oh, wilbur, you're a doll. come on, carol, sweetie. oh, my dear, i have to throw my whole wardrobe away. you know, like heavy orbach's league. well, there go the addisons. (ed laughs) when do we break open the champagne? ha ha. you don't know addison, ed. he's a wonderful guy. yeah, every time i bite into one of his apples and see a worm, i'll think of him. you both have a perfect driving record. >>perfect. no tickets. no accidents... clips a food truck, ruining your perfect record. >>yup... now, you would think your insurance company would cut you some slack, right? >>no. your insurance rates go through the roof. your perfect record doesn't get you anything. >>anything. perfect! for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. and if you do have an accident, our claim centers are available to assist you 24/7. for a free quote, call liberty mutual at switch to liberty mutual and you could save up to $509 call today at see car insurance in a whole new light. oh, boy. how long have

wilbur, get off. roger, make wilbur let tiger up. wilbur, you let... tiger, i order you to throw that bag of bones off your chest. what's going on here? mrs. addison, help me. if you'll excuse me, i'm going to my room and have a good cry. save me a handkerchief, rog. what happened? oh, i'm afraid the boys were right. he's in no condition to wrestle next week. and it's our fault. i guess i have gained a little weight. and i know just the way he can take it off. the very best way. trainer: and sway. two, three, and jete. glissade to jete. arabesque. kay. and glissade to jete. arabesque. very good. excellent. and in such a short time, too. i've never seen such natural ability. it's a lot more fun than working out in the gym. and you couldn't ask for nicer sparring partners. (laughs) shall we all assume the first position? ready? and plie. and straight. two, three, and jete. two, three. you were right. the tiger is a pussycat. a fat pussycat. not for long. ask miss canfield. ballet is the quickest way to lose weight. and wrestlers are the quickest way to l

wilbur! (wilbur) is that you, ed? uh-oh. here comes another lecture on neatness. ed, where have you... oh, no! ed, look at yourself! revoltin', huh? look, ed, i told you, come in here once more looking like that... and as far as i'm concerned, you'll stay that way. and i'm a lover, so love me. oh, you crazy horse. [ed singing] got a date, a little later when the moon is on the trail you're, uh, you're really stuck on that chiquita, huh? yeah. she sure makes a horse wanna settle down. you know, you're not the marrying type, ed. you're more of a lone wolf. you know, "love 'em and leave 'em." matter of fact, i, uh-- i was like that myself, you know. you were, huh? oh! hello, dad. i-- i was just, uh... talking to the horse? yeah. uh, no. no, to myself. not that i--i talk to myself, but-- where've you been all morning, dad? uh, looking over that property. is this were you work? yes. yes. this, uh, this is my office. sit down. i'll show you some of the things i'm working on. [sighs] designing a medical building, you see. i've laid out the parking lot in an l-shape, so a

wilbur! help! wild elephant stampede! oh, get away from me! get him off of me, wilbur! ohh! come on here. come on. be a good boy now. you shouldn't frighten ed. who's frightened? what happened, ed? oh, he won't let me sleep. i turned the light off, he turns it on. would you rather sleep outside, ed? anything's better than this. okay. i'll get your blanket for you. come on, ed. hey. what happened to your foot? twinkletoes just stepped on it. i'd like to sue him for every peanut he's got. he won't get away with this. do i get my blanket back, or do i call the cops? (sputtering) that does it. operator, get me the police. riot squad. for heaven's sake, what's going on here? that big crook in there rolled me for my blanket. oh, stop acting like a baby. then he tried to drown me. oh, he's just being playful. mister ed: i don't see you laughing. i see what you mean. that big ape goes now, or i go. okay. i'll put him in addison's garage, and he can spend the night there. come on, bongo. come on. come on. (ring) yes, doll? kay, i'm coming home. oh, doll, that's wonderful. i've been w

(wilbur) honey, is the golf pro here yet? yes, wilbur, he's here. i'll wait outside. hi, wilbur. hi. wilbur post, john reynolds. how do you do? hello, john. boy, this is a real treat for me. rog' has been telling me how much you've improved his game. well, he's been a very apt pupil. now, if you'll just sit down and watch, i'll demonstrate the proper stance. ok. all right. now, the most important thing in getting a good, smooth stroke is to, uh, pivot your knee correctly. oh, which knee? oh, that's fine. fine. now you take the club because i want to check your grip. oh, all right. there we are. uh, the right hand first. there we are. good. now. nice grip. firm but gentle. that's it. [speaking softly] 99. uh, what was that? 99. louder, please. 99. fine. fine. what's fine? uh, your grip. now, let's see about those shoulders. they must be straight, you know. [laughs] i'll try not to tickle you. now, let's see. no tenseness. no tenseness. now, let's see. would you take a deep breath for me, please? a deep breath? oh, yes, it's--it's very important just before you hit the ball, to hol

wilbur? wilbur? wilbur! ha ha ha! see, i had you fooled. isn't this a great illusion? oh, it makes me too nervous! i can't stand it! oh! look, carol, there is nothing to-- carol, carol, wait. wait for me, honey, this is stuck. carol! ed? ed: (chuckling) hi. hi. (ed laughs) where did you get the crazy necktie? forget about that, ed. ed-- (ed laughs) --i want you to help me. see, what happened is i was showing this off and it got stuck. would you just give this a whack? watch the ear, will you? now the other side. all right. okay? ah, that got it! what happened, houdini? i thought carol's head was gonna be in the chopper. well, she chickened out. on the way over here, i got a better idea. a real showstopper. what's that? well, instead of a person, i'm putting a horse's head through here. i'll tell him when he comes in. ed, there's nothing to be afraid of. but when the audience sees a horse in a guillotine, they'll flip. yeah, and so will my head. ed, ed, just a minute. do you want to see addison have a better act than me? suddenly, i'm on his side. ed, let me in. this is

(wilbur) oh, of course. and to make sure he's nice and soft, before you get here, i'll stuff him with hay. now don't make too much noise, anybody. i don't want mister ed to be nervous on his first day with me. come on, boris, bring the ladder, please. helen, you hold his back end, and marie, you hold his front end. ok, thank you. now, mister ed, please behave yourself. girls, hold him quietly on both ends. look, everybody! i am sitting on a horse! thank you, thank you. oh, it's so nice up here. now, come on, kids, what are we waiting for? come on. eddie, that's my good, beautiful, blonde horse. that's a good, beautiful horse. there, my dear. thank you, dear. now give one for mister eddie. well now, what was the letter i wanted to dictate to you this morning? oh, yes, it's meant for the tiffany's jewelers in new york. gentlemen, darlings: last month, an acquaintance of mine sent me a beautiful pair of diamond earrings for my birthday from your shop. i would very much appreciate if you would make up a matching

wilbur. you can do me a big favor. now it's very important that i make a good impression on the voters, you know... meet them on my own ground. so i was wondering, could we switch the voting to my home tomorrow? oh, i don't know. carol's all hipped up about having it at our house. talk to her, will you? and let me know as soon as you can. mm. i better. i mean, if we turned you down, hmm! ed, you can stop sulking. i've got great news for you. roger has volunteered his house for the voting tomorrow. what's wrong with this place? i thought you didn't like all the noise, the people. what people? these are fellow americans. what made you change your mind? that little speech you made about american horses. you made me fell like black bob. black bob? who's that? the only horse that chickened out at the battle of gettysburg. i'm glad i finally got through to you. wilbur, am i a good american horse? oh, ed, you're the finest. if you were human, you'd make a great citizen. -wilbur... -yeah? -can i vote? -can... oh, ed, don't be

how's wilbur? wilbur who? i trust you had a good night's rest on the couch? whose side are you on, anyway? yours. i always root for the underdog. and i've never seen a dog who looked more under. i'm going out to get some fresh air. this play isn't coming very fast. how far have you got? the first word of the title. [doorbell rings] yeah? are you wilbur post? that's right. how would you like a punch in the face? the things they're selling door to door these days. you must be making some mistake, fella. i don't know you. look, i'm the guy on your party line. don't tell me you didn't play that practical joke on me. what practical joke? well, uh, come to think of it, his voice was a little deeper than yours. what voice? look, i don't even know who you are. aren't you clint eastwood? yeah, that's right. whose voice is lower? what practical joke? my wife and i watch you every week on rawhide. oh, we think it's a wonderful show. well, thank you, sir. my name is roger addison. i believe you've met wilbur post. say, could i have your autograph? my wife likes to save t

wilbur, i just saw carol. she told me to tell you that she was going to that dance studio in just a few minutes and she left a turkey in the ice-box. oh fine. while she's dancing with some hot latin, i'll be snuggling up with a cold turkey. -i'm going to make her quit. -don't. don't weaken my boy. don't weaken. as i told you, it's just a matter of two or three months. months? wilbur, when have i ever advised you wrong? when? well, let's see. we moved next door to you on the 12th of april. i'd say, since the 12th of april. all right, fine. don't listen to me. go in there on your hands and knees. beg her to quit. give her free reign on the phone. humble yourself. wave the white flag. that is the worst thing he could possibly do. now he's got me talking to this dumb animal. some day i'm going to answer him and he'll drop dead. honey, i feel that one worker in the family is enough. oh well, darling, if you want to quit your job, go ahead. -excuse me honey. -(phone ringing) hello. yes, this is mrs. post. oh, how mu

now, where would i hide them if i was wilbur? yep! that figures for wilbur. well, while wilbur's having his breakfast, i'll have mine. carol! -oh, good morning, folks. -both: hi, kay. guess what i read in the paper this morning. there's a rabinski piano recital tonight. why don't we all go? -wonderful idea, kay. -yeah. uh, not for me, carol. oh. well, look what happened the last time you dragged me to a concert. he snored so loud, they asked us to leave. that must have been very embarrassing.

(wilbur stuttering) turkey? what turkey? and two quarts of cranberry sauce and five bunches of carrots. cranberries and five bunches of, of carrots? mr. post, don't you want this turkey? well, as long as you're here. never mind. this is one turkey that will not be left at the post. take it back, henry. (door closing) heh-heh, that's very good, left at the post. quick as a flash, too. i tell you. you really had me fooled with that phone call. now, look, carol, i don't want any arguments. (ed barking like a dog) now cut that out. if there's anything i can't stand, it's a wise guy horse. me, too. i'm glad i'm a cocker spaniel. (barking) why did you order that turkey without my permission? i would have had it all set with carol, if you hadn't phoned the butcher. ah, me and my big mouth. i'm afraid your big mouth will be eating by itself. but, wilbur, you're my family, and we ought to be together on my holiday. your holiday? sure! if it wasn't for a horse, there wouldn't be any thanksgiving. what are you talking about? what did a

what would wilbur do? we live in a pick and choose world. choose, choose, choose.edtime... ...why settle for this? enter sleep number and the ultimate sleep number event, going on now. sleepiq technology tells you how well you slept and what adjustments you can make. you like the bed soft. he's more hardcore. so your sleep goes from good to great to wow! only at a sleep number store, right now save 50% on the ultimate limited edition bed. know better sleep with sleep number. . liz: the dow jones industrials right now is down about 81 points, but just a few minutes ago, we hit session lows, that would be a loss of 114 after having been up 187. why all of this? well let's take you to japan, raise your hand if you think japan had a vibrant economy over the past two decades? trust us, it has not. federal reserve chair janet yellen today said wait a minute, maybe we should be more like the japanese, she took a more cautious tone during day one of the biannual testimony on capitol hill citing global economic troubles and the recent sell-off as the potential reason the fe

i think wilbur has very clever hands. yes, it's just too bad that those 10 clumsy fingers are attached to them. very funny. oh, now, now, carol, don't get me wrong. i like wilbur. he's a wonderful guy, and a great architect. but when it comes to magic, he should've taken up basket weaving. (marty laughing) anybody care to see my trick? all right. all right, wilbur. surprise me. make it work. oh. okay. you'll notice i have here an ordinary cage containing an ordinary bird. at the count of three i'll make the cage and the bird disappear before your very eyes. one, two, three! four, five, six! (laughs) oh, carol, forget about the basket weaving. he'd probably weave himself into the basket. stuck here a minute.

what did the smart money decipher from message, we have billionaire wilbur ross to tell us where he's putting money now. less than an hour to the closing bell. the dow is confused at this very moment, so let's start the "countdown." did fed chief janet yellen hint today we too could be turning japanese if the markets and the economy really tank? just as japan caved last week and allowed rates to go below zero in an effort to stimulate disastrous economy. today our markets look to nod zero rates and promise to throw

wilbur. he was a peculiar man. - who wilbur? - yeah he was too. - no i mean what was peculiar about him? - well he found fault with jeeves when he played the minute waltz during breakfast. - during breakfast he played the minute waltz huh? - yeah three times! - three times. - yeah so he'd know when mr. wilbur's eggs were boiled enough. - boiled enough. and why didn't mr. wilbur like that? - well because jeeves played it on the trombone. - played the minute on the trombone? - yes and by time the eggs were done the wind from the trombone cooled the coffee. (audience laughs) - yeah well he should have played it on the harp, then he'd have hard boiled eggs and he could slice them at the same time. (audience laughs) - oh about that size, but let's go ahead. oh you say a butler has problems? - oh yes and especially the time his boss was murdered. - jeeves' boss? - yes and he confessed to it. - he murdered his boss, huh? - oh no no he didn't have anything to do with it, but he loves the movies and when anybody is murdered it's always t

carol: wilbur. emmy lou came over to ask a favor of you, hun. mr. post, i know we just moved in, and i wouldn't want to impose on you. that's all right, honey. impose away. well, i'm not going steady with anyone... i'd be delighted. i feel i should warn you my fox trot's holding up well, but my twist is bent. emmy lou is serious. i'm sorry, honey. what's the favor?

. >> i don't know if you saw wilbur ross, and i want us to cue up what wilbur ross said yesterday, rather elegantly but quite bluntly about what janet yellen was saying yesterday, and that would be the d-word, dithering, listen to what wilbur ross said. >> to show tentative views about the economy is a bad thing for the federal reserve chair to do. i think part of the reason that we have the market is they dithered and dithered and dithered about the first 25-basis-point hike, and so it became an event blown all out of proportion. liz: what do you think about that point? >> i agree with his assessment, his assessment of her policy, of her fiscal policy, i'm talking about something different, excuse me, her monetary policy. talking about something different. her assessment of the u.s. economy seems to contradict the assessment of her boss, and i think that's something scary, i should point out -- liz: she should argue she is independent, charlie. >> she was appointed as a dove, she was appointed by president obama. his hand appointed fed chairwoman is contradicting him, and that is a prett

wilbur is well aware of the high prices for cancer drugs, sharing with me the annual cost of some other drugs used in oncology: from 60-thousand to 120-thousand dollars. she says one reason for the astronomical prices is there simply isn't as much market competition for these drugs as there is for medications that treat common, less life- threatening illnesses. "you have ten blood pressure pills so they all have to kind of compete against each other on price because you're only going to need one or two. / even though there are perhaps several drugs that can be used, for say, metastatic colon cancer, eventually, you're going to need every single one of those drugs. so there's not that market prices down." the pharmaceutica the pharmaceutical companies say they need to charge high prices to recoup the money they invest in research and drug development. but many question w wt that level really is. "you have drug companies that are pushing their prices up to as high as $30,000 a month for a drug treatment, not because that's truly what it costs them but because they're teststg the limits of

wilbur also says the drug companies have become experts in extending their patents to keep drugs from going to cheaper, generic versions. "so when the drug is supposed to be coming off patent, they'll tweak a formulation, they'll tweak an indication and they'll be able to prolong the time it's on patent." fortunately, there is financial help available. - "we actually meet with the patient before the doctor ever meets them."as a patient financial advocate at mercy medical center. it's young's job to find co-pay assistance for patients like hyberger. and her biggest resource-- foundadaons, funded soley or in part by the pharmaceutical companies. "we would not be able to help as many patients as we do without the help of the pharmaceutical companies." companies." "they're coming directly through the drug manufacturers themselves or through foundations which are from the drug companies. and i understand the pitfalls of that but i also understand that we have to do what we have to do to get help for these patients right now and if that's what's available at this point, then that's what we'

. >> mike wilbur has the scoop. > >> reporter: it looks to be the year of kendrick lamar with nods at the grammy awards. >> grammies feel they have to make it up to keep trick. >> he is the leading editor and theys it is his turn to sweep the major categories. >> you may remember, two years ago he had numerous nominations including. and he did not win in those major categories. so many people were surprised. >> this year's lineup is also impress i have is. >> but the performers also are looking to make an impression. >> he predicts wig things from rhianna. and lady gaga will do a david came out too late to be nominated this year. >> lionel richie who sank the classic hello is set to perform as well. >> love yourself singer justin bieber who didn't make the cut will also perform. mike wilbur. >>> they air tomorrow night on cbs, cps programming comes here to wncncht on february 29 rdz. >> it will be a cold one. >> temperatures near freezing this afternoon. then we have a chance for the wintery mix tomorrow. we will have more updates and forecast coming up in the next hour. >> still ahea

mike wilbur nbc news. >>> coming up a lookk at our top stories. but first a live look at miami from our first alert camera. just ahead on "today" we will take a look back at the life and legacy of the supreme court justice antonin scalia. we will also look ahead to that looming fight. whether president obama or the justice scalia's replacement. justice scalia's passing staunld blee the hot topic in the debate but it turned intnt a knock down, drag out fight as things started to get personal. we have a full wrap up this morning. >>> also today dylan is taking to the ice for a little pond hockey. how did she do on the skates? we will take a look. even the zamboni. those stories and a special love story on this valentine's day when we get started on a sunday morning right here on "today." >>> new video this morning of a series of smash and grabs in hialeah. the shameless suspects caught on can a m ra. they took the cash regester and merchandise near the west 29th street and 9th avenue stoe. the same group appears to have robbed other stores in the ar

he is a man accused of stabbing a fellow sailor criminal charges against wilbur harwell rock will tell you why. plus way they can really sing. one had lied to that thirteen years now oscar viewing party and we ask the question what would where should you start when you're told you have cancer? start with a specialist. start where you'll find advanced technology, precision treatment opopoptions and truly compassionate care. start here with a team of experts who treat only cancer. every stage. every day. its not one thing we do. it's the only thing we do. start at cancer treatment centers of america in philadelphia. the evolution of cancer care is here. learn more at cancercenter.com/e/e/experts show are in the race site we like you're on the nightcap of hollywood's golden night providing some golden moments house chris rock not holding back about the huskers diversity controversy while the eightieth academy awards was full of hot new hollywood heavy hitters and some newcomers as well. mad max fury road swept several awards including production design film editing sound mixing editing an

mike wilbur has the scoop on who is favored to win big tomorrow night. >> reporter: it must be the year of kendrick lamar who leads the pack with 11 nods at this week's grammy awards. >> grammys feel like they have to make it up to kendrick. >> reporter: "rolling stone" thinks it is kendrick's turn to sweeeethe grammy categories. >> a few years ago he had numerous nominations in many categories. he did not win. >> reporter: this year's lineup on stage is impressive. >> the performers are always looking to make an impression. >> reporter: he predicts big things from rihanna. lady gaga will do a david bowie tribute. hello from the other side >> reporter: lionel richie is set to perform as well. justin beiber didn't make the cut in the major categories, but will perform. >> more than 380 artists will be back tomorrow for the last day of the coconut grove arts festival. you can listen to tunes performed by several bands. tomorrow gates open up at 10:00 in the morning. kids 12 and under get in nbc 6 is a proud sponsor of the festival. be sure to stop by our tent there. you can snap a selfie

they hiss, they slither, and they're coming to the wilbur d. may museum. "snakes alive!" is a new exhibit runs through april 10th. the exhibit will feature more than 20 live venomous snakes along with dozens of interactive displays. there will also be non-venomous snakes that visitors can see up close. assistant curator samantha szesciorka says the exhibit is

mike wilbur has the scoop. >> reporter: it looks to be the year of kendrick lamar who leads the packwith 11 nods at this year's grammy awards. >> here's the thing. grammys feel like they have to make it up to kendrick. >> reporter: the leading editor at rolling stone thinks it's kendrick's turn to sweep the academies. >> you may remember two years ago he had numerous nominations in some of the big categories, and he did not w major categories. so many people were surprised. >> this year's line-up on stage is also impressive. >> the performers are always look to go make an impression. >> reporter: he expects big things from r rihanna. lady gaga will perform. adele will also perform this year. lionel ritchie who sang the 1980 classic "hello" is set to perform as well. justin bieber who didn't make the cut in the major categories will also perform. mike wilbur, nbc news. >> should be a pretty good show tonight. >> everybody is going to stay home. >>> that's it for news4 midday. we thank you for joining us. we're back on the air this afternoon first at 4. >> you can get your news or weat

wilbur, wait till you hear this. it's almost too much to believe. -oh, i'm too excited, addison. you tell him. - well... we got a telegram from a lawyer in new york. -you tell him, doll. -the telegram said... an uncle of mine left us this beautiful mansion, this big house in new york and it's just... i'm too excited, addison. you tell him what the rest of the telegram said. "signed j.t. farnsworth, attorney." boy, this is exciting. a real mansion in new york, huh? it's called hastings on the hudson. yes, sir, from now on, it'll be roger addison, country squire, living on the banks of the hudson, lord and master of all he surveys. doll, there's no community property in new york. technically, the house is all mine. -it is? -uh-huh. what she's getting at, rog, she'd like the rent on time every month. -(laughing) - aw, gee, i think it's wonderful for both of you,

(carol) wilbur. think i'll take a carrot break.

wilbur and sandy larson of south sioux city, nebraska are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary today. vergil & jackie heyer of cushing, iowa wiwi celebrate their 62nd wedding anniversary on saturday february 20th. if you or someone you know is having a birthday of 80 years or more or an anniversary of 50 years or more, please send in their name (and correct pron), address and telephone number along with their pictures to ktiv. please make sure to have all the informationon printed and send it in at least two weeks in advance. if you would like your picture returned please enclude a self addressed stamped envelope. happy birthday and happy the number of farms and ranches in nebraska declined again last year. the u-s department of agriculture says the number of farms and ranches in the state went down 400 from the the number of small farms with less than 100-thousand dollars in revenue declined 500, while the number of large farms increased by 100. the average size of farms in nebraska increased by 7 acres to 928 acres. iowa has lost the bid to house the corporate headquarters of