oh, winslow, winslow, take them away, they depress me and they smell like shrimp. out! out! oh! (cheers and applause) what did i say? they'll never vote for me. anyway, thank you for all the cash, to the (bleep) pit! i call topsies! we'll be right back. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. nation, folks, i want you to let go of your prejudices and then replace them with mine. (laughter) this is tip of the hat, wag of the finger. (cheers and applause) folks, i'm an apple devoe tae, in fact, i'm thrilled to see a jury award one billion dollars to a until a patent lawsuit against samsung who shamelessly stole a proprietary apple design break through. >> if you look at the shape of the iphone, which we're all familiar with now, enough rectangular shape with roupbed corners. apple says they patented that design. >> stephen: that's right! apple holds a patent on rectangles with rounded corners. (laughter) that's in addition to the patent they already hold on the condescending look they give people with blackberries. (laughter) which is why i'm giving a big tip of my hat to apple for c

oh, winslow, winslow, take them away, they depress me and they smell like shrimp. out! out! oh! (cheers and applause) what did i say? they'll never vote for me. anyway, thank you for all the cash, to the (bleep) pit! i call topsies! we'll be right back. (cheers and 4h$h 6> stephen: welcome back, everybody. nation, folks, i want you to let go of your prejudices and then replace them with mine. (laughter) this is tip of the hat, wag of the finger. (cheers and applause) folks, i'm an apple devoe tae, in fact, i'm thrilled to see a jury award one billion dollars to a until a patent lawsuit against samsung who shamelessly stole a proprietary apple design break through. >> if you look at the shape of the iphone, which we're all familiar with now, enough rectangular shape with roupbed corners. apple says they patented that design. >> stephen: that's right! apple holds a patent on rectangles with rounded corners. (laughter) that's in addition to the patent they already hold on the condescending look they give people with blackberries. (laughter) which is why

winslow, take them away. they depress me and they smell like shrimp. out. out. >> i tell you what, if you are going to do something like that, that is as eloquent as it gets. how about the guy who caught it. did you see that? do we have it? no? no. there we go. no. nope. nope. t.j., you are the best. it was the first one of this sequence. anyhow -- still ahead on "way too early" why are you awake? your eloquent tweets, texts and e-mails are next. [ woman ] ring. ring. progresso. i just finished a bowl of your new light chicken pot pie soup and it's so rich and creamy... is it really 100 calories? yes, ma'am. 100 calories. yea...i'm gonna need some proof. we get that a lot... let me put you on webcan... see? hearty vegetables... lean roasted chicken... and a creamy broth that tastes indulgent -- but isn't... so feel free to enjoy a bowl anytime. mmm i can still see you. [ male announcer ] progresso. you gotta taste this soup. [ male announcer ] progresso. music: "make someone happy" ♪it's so important to make someone happy.♪ it's so important to make someone

intended for kellen winslow.the hall of fame san diego charger tight end and winslow signed this week by new england after they looked at him in camp and didn't sign him and he was in seattle last year but had to bring him back with hernandez on the shelf. third and six. >> cris: it was a big miss on this first opportunity. >> al: done more time throwing and handling than any receiver this week so they could get it together. third and six. play clock at 3. >> cris: he is coming. brady caught him. >> al: create just does get it away. welker to led the league in catches 122 last year. pollard coming around the corner to get to brady and they met in 2008 when pollard ended brady's season on opening day. >> cris: brady is audible he saws poleard coming up here. able to get the play off. terrific quarterback play. >> al: ball now at the 47 yard line. deion branch at the bottom of the screen. and hand the ball off to danny woodhead who worked his way up to the 50 yard line where lewis pops him. three-yard pickup. >> cr

oh, winslow, winslow, take them away. they depress me, and they smell like shrimp.hilarious. hilarious. "saturday night live" found enough material for a special thursday night edition. >> this first question is worth $25. >> that's okay. we're not going to answer questions for a quarter. >> so, that's $25. >> right. which is a quarter of $100. is there any other type of quarter? i don't understand. >> as for his claim that it's not his job to worry about americans who don't pay taxes, i wouldn't worry, buddy. it's looking less and less like it wouldn't be your job. >> i think we'll be seeing a lot more of that in the next 46 days. it's all in good fun, but when your campaign becomes a punch line, you know they're laughing until it hurts. back with us is krystal ball, cohost of "the cycle" here on msnbc, and comedian and tv personality chuck nice. chuck, this is really not his best week. are late night comedians making it worse? >> absolutely. and with good reason. mitt romney is to comedy what mr. softee is to ice cream, so easy to serve up. i'm sorry. that's just

but the pats signed kellen winslow this week.so the offensive scheme ssouldn't change..what has changedns defense.giving up over 400 yards per game...and last week tight end was an issue... 157 yards went to brent celek on 8 receptions.an area of concern. 3 our high school game of the week...brouuht to you by varsity sports network dot com...is a battle of the top 10's tonight. tonighh.undefeated and number 7 catonsville...at number 9 franklin..1st quarter..no score...jackson thornton fires it to steven smothers...long t-d connection...franklin leads 7-0....2nd quarter... catonsville down 14-7...justin sprankle hits joseth hylton in the flat...dives for the pylon...touchdown ties it at 14....3rd quarter...28-21 franklin...thornton with a the back of the endzone... 35-28 indians....they beat catonsville 35-30.... that's all for sports unlimited...i'm morgan adsit... thanks for watching...have great night... night...

but the pats signed kellen winslow this week.so the offensive scheme shouldn't change..what has changed... the ravens defense.giving up over 400 yards per game...and last week tight end was an issue... 157 yards went to brent celek on 8 receptions.an area of concern. 3 what a difference a year makes...what difference what a difference a year makes...at this time last season...the orioles were 29 and a half games out of first place...and the red sox had a 2 game lead in the wild card...fast forward to today... and it's the o's in playoff contention while the red sox are 19 games out of first... first...they have 6 games remaining with boston...and the red sox will have revenge on their minds...robert andino ended boston's season with this game winning hit....buck showalter said that win fueled this season's turn around... miguel gonzalez faces jon lester in game one tonight. against the birds...lifetime o's and red sox...plus our high school game of the week... tonight on sports unlimited... its going to cool off sunday for the ravens game... whats in store for the rest of the we. week.

winslow probably will not find bill belichick very warm and fuzzy either. ry football to film and turned sports. he won more than 40 emmys. he pioneered put the microphone from players during games, super slow motion, the use of music behind highlights. 11 months ago, steve introduced his father ed at t he pro football hall of fame. he is survived by his father, mother, wife, son. every year on the third saturday, the conversation turns to a horse. the last maryland bred horse to win the preakness. today the worst that at the age of 32. next year's preakness is the 30- year anniversary of the 1983 victory of the second jewel of the triple crown. he won the race. even the name had an unlikely story to his owner intended to name a horse disputed testimony. but a typo on the printer or created the puted testimony. stay with anncr: their dishonest ads are everywhere. a west virginia casino spending a fortune... to stop question seven. they don't want competition. the washington post wrote the casino behind the ads is... "most concerned with its own bottom line.

there was one excavation along the way i remember out in the desert nears winslow, arizona. the desert out there is just a still life with a few landmarks on the horizon and this empty hole, the little colorado river desert, the painted desert, and we were working on a 500-room pueblo dating back to about 1400 ad. i just remember the wind just hailing down on us for days and you would be working down with trowels inside of a trench and if you stop for too long, the sand would start to fill up your hole again because it was blowing so much and everybody was turned away from the wind. so it looked like some kind of religious thing was going on here, all these people bowed to the ground for days and days tinkering with some unimaginable smallness in front of them while the wind just pushed harder and harder, sand blasting across you, filling up all the rooms that you just emptied out as if the desert is rolling back over itself. because even where trails are left, trails disappear out there. nothing stays for too long, even the footprints that last for 7 years eventually disapp

oh, winslow, winslow -- take them away, they depress me and they smell like shrimp. ouch! ouch!ke us inside the october issue. he's the man who interviewed denzel washington. >>> also discovery channel's mike rowe here with a new project. "tracing america's love for booze." what a racket that show is, mike rowe. we'll talk to him about it when we come back. americans believe they should be in charge of their own future. how they'll live tomorrow. for more than 116 years, ameriprise financial has worked for their clients' futures. helping millions of americans retire on their terms. when they want. where they want. doing what they want. ameriprise. the strength of a leader in retirement planning. the heart of 10,000 advisors working with you one-to-one. together for your future. ♪ i was talking to my best friend. together for your future. i told her i wasn't feeling like myself... i had pain in my pelvic area... and bleeding that wasn't normal for me. she said i had to go to the doctor. turned out i had uterine cancer, a type of gynecologic cancer. i received treatment and we're

that was haley winslow reporting. interesting story. >> was he riding bare back?> i don't know. >> it looked like it. >> did he have a shirt on? glad everyone's all right. 5:56 already. almost 6:00 already. it is 57 degrees at the airport. here's a look ahead to our next hour. >> john, stay off the horses. >> believe it or not, o's magic continues. coming up what this team is doing for fans and the city itself. >>> the weather today should be all right for horse back riding if you're so inclined. just stay within the boundaries. we'll talk about the insta weather plus forecast. >>> and the mayor creates a task force to review the city's speed and red light cameras. what city hall is trying to find out when the morning news continues. stay with us. >> baltimore shows up in a lot of best and worst lists, but the city was the toast of the town last sunday. and in a good way. in the midst of a lot of awards presented at the 64th annual primetime emmys, one of the biggest winners was baltimore on multiple fronts. it was a big night for baltimore productions, stars and

winslow, bring me the shrimpp and the mindless masses. there we go. thank you, winslow.re you go. there you go. see how they love it. see. >> okay. we have to talk about lindsay lohan and we do and she fund herself in handcuffs again. she is now accused of hitting a man with her porche while driving through a crowded area between a hotel and a restaurant in new york, and of course, everybody is saying, oh, come on, lindsay, what is up with you! initi nischelle turner is joining us from "showbiz tonight" and i'm not sure you can answer that question, but what happened? >> well, we went from just laughing to not, carol. we have to talk about this now, carol. here is what we do know. an nypd spokesperson tells cnn that lindsay lohan was entering the parking area near a chelsea neighborhood in new york after midnight. she hit a pedestrian as she went into the driveway and went on the park her car and went into the hotel and the pedestrian was taken to the hospital with nonlife threatening injuries to her knee, and police arrested lohan at 2:30 in the morning when she was lea

chessboards. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: what is going -- you're like michael winslow-- ♪ it's a chess reference. just two guys. >> steve: yeah, come on. anybody? no? chess, the musical? come on. i'm sorry. ♪ one night in bangkok and the world's your oyster ♪ ♪ ♪ i can feel the devil walking next to me ♪ ♪ bangkok oriental city and the city don't know what the city is getting ♪ ♪ ♪ [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, drano, for being like cough syrup for my sink. [ laughter ] >> steve: or another kind of syrup. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, woody woodpecker, although i prefer your original name, boner bonepenis. [ laughter ] >> steve: i thought it was peter o'toole. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> steve: it wasn't? was it wally cox? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it might have been. ♪ thank you, al gore's new climate change project called the dirty weather report, for sounding less like an al gore initiative and more like an al roker sex tape. [ laughter ] there you go, guys. those are my "thank you notes"! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with "ultimate mu

winslow catches a pack. i'm thinking, this could have been cooley. what is your status now? what's keeping you busy? >> i talked to nbc and i get the dan hellie report. so i'm excited to do that. i've talked to some other teams. i've had some other options come up. nothing that i'm excited about, nothing that i want to do. i'm still happy to be here. this is where i live. we'll see what i do moving into the future. nothing's a real hurry for me. obviously what i would like most is to be back practicing at redskins park instead of talking to you right now. that's not what we're doing. we'll see how it goes. >> all right. chris cooley, going to be on again at 6:00. hopefully every monday from here on out, if he agrees to do so. we'll be talking to you again in a few minutes. >> double-teaming it. >>> still ahead, police attempt to sort out what happened in the chaos that led up to a teenage girl being struck by a police car. >>> some virginians are already casting their ballots for the white house. what you need to know about absentee voting coming up. >>> the actress that sai

they did sign kellen winslow jr.imation, the new england patriots are a very good football team and watch wes welker have a huge game tonight. dan: one of the reasons he wasn't targeted is because of brandon lloyd. they're trying to get him involved more down the field but after hernandez was out of the game, he was targeted 11 times and whatever it is, tom brady knows he can count on wes welker in situations in tight games. he'll be fine. james: i learned something are the doctor. not only the pain that you were talking about but the sensation of instability. doctor, thank you so very much for joining us and we look forward to more of your medical insights right here on "the nfl today." >> thanks, fellows. james: all right, coach. as dan and boomer always say, nobody knows a game like a quarterback! so don't miss phil simms, rich gannon and steve beuerlein on nfl monday q.b. tomorrow at 6:30 only on cbs sports network, the 24 home of cbs sports. look who's joining us in the studio now, our good friend billy gardell

>> pro football player kellen winslow was first introduced to the total gym by his dad when he was onlyyears old, and he's been using it ever since. [♪.. >> you know, they ask me a lot of questions-- "how does it work?"-- and i show 'em. and i usually show 'em by starting off with the chest, the bench press, and it really helps me with my blocking. get about three sets of 15, three sets of 10... how much time you have and it's real efficient. it just keeps me flexible. i can, um... it takes a few seconds, you switch from the workout and then you get your triceps in. come here with it... then you switch... just like that, and you can get your biceps in. [♪.. and just like that, within a minute, i've done three exercises. and it works, total gym works. >> recently, i had a chance to meet a group of total gym users to share some exercise tips and hear how it changed their lives. ...well, why don't you show me your favorite exercise on the total gym? >> my favorite is for my triceps because they were really flabby, they... yeah. this is my favorite one. >> christie: oh, i love that. >> and

thank you, winslow. thank you. now hold still. hold still. okay. there you go. there you go.ove it? see? see? oh, they crave it. oh, it's so sad. take responsibility for your lives. sing nothing at all. but neosporin® eczema essentials™ is different. its multi-action formula restores visibly healthier skin in 3 days. neosporin® eczema essentials™. then don't get nickle and dimed by high cost investments and annoying account fees. at e-trade, our free easy-to-use online tools and experienced retirement specialists can help you build a personalized plan. and with our no annual fee iras and a wide range of low cost investments, you can execute the plan you want at a low cost. so meet with us, or go to etrade.com for a great retirement plan with low cost investments. ♪ try this... bayer? this isn't just a headache. trust me, this is new bayer migraine. [ male announcer ] it's the power of aspirin plus more in a triple action formula to relieve your tough migraines. new bayer migraine formula. in a triple action formula to relieve your tough migraines. music: "make someone happy"