he thought of george constanza and woody allen. he thought of philip and alexander's father yelling and screaming telling his son he was the son of the family shames. you don't be deserved to be called a view. you, alexander are being embarrassed by the surface of the mirror. you don't deserve to be a mexican. nor the fact that mexicans are the hardest working people and came here to work and give their children a better future. there is no mexican who tried to justify with arguments like a fantasy to celebrate cinco de mayo. you, my friend are the self hating [inaudible] of all mexicans. you are nothing but a big master baeter. foolish man who hides from the rest of the world and sees his shame in order to dream a man can exist without a pas port or green card and labels him as what he is. remember the ones who tried to pass as something else? remember the [inaudible] of life. the [inaudible] of the nation of the [inaudible]. remember the guy from tijuana you met years ago and is proclaimed he was italian because he would and peop

. >> woody allen wrote jobs for local newspapers and comedians. you wrote for comex. does that still happen? >> that is a good question. >> leno, letterman -- they all have staffs. but if you're talking about starting up, most comics writer their own stuff. but they buddy up. that is what larry did with jerry. >> can you teach somebody to be funny, to write comedy? do you have it or do you not? what about being funny? >> no. [laughter] >> either you have it or you do not. >> you do not. [laughter] >> no, i do not believe you can teach people to be funny. i think people can hone it

he said, well, he used to write for woody allen. he used to produce monty python specials. oh, and he hates mimes. lorne hates mimes. the bulls up a chair and give him this poem with 1100 jokes in it. he opens it. he reads the first joke. egos, u -- he goes, uh-huh, good. then he closes the book. i wrote 1100 jobs over two days, and he reads one joke. i wrote a jokes and the post office was about to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution in the united states. 10 cents, but if you want to lick it, it is a quarter. [laughter] he said, good. good. he said, tell me, how much money do you need to live on? i said, well, i am making $2.75 an hour at the deli. match it. [laughter] he said, well, tell me a little bit more about yourself. acted it to mean before he committed this kind of cash, he wanted to see what he was buying. i said, with the allen is my idol. i love monty python. but if there is one mime on the show, i am out of here, and he gave me a job. [laughter] that was my great. ultimately, hear i am, having written a novel with my childhood hero dave barry. [applause]

our next guest is a talented actress who's worked alongside bruce willis, johnny depp, woody allen and "red widow." it premieres here on abc sunday night at 9 please say hello to radha mitchell. [ cheers and applause ] >> hi. >> jimmy: how you doing? right there is good. you could always move over one. how are you? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: were you part of the oscar celebration last night? >> i went out. a friend of mine invited me to a garden party to support children uniting nations which is an organization that advocates the rights of foster children. >> jimmy: what a boring party that sounds like. >> come on. i arrived and there was like 300 people and a red carpet. >> jimmy: there was? >> and journalists. one of my favorite moments is when an israeli journalist came up to me and said have you seen the life of pee? and you are happy with the results? >> jimmy: and she wasn't screwing around? >> she was quite serious. >> jimmy: did you show her to the bathroom? where are you from? >> australia? >> jimmy: where in australia? >> i'm from melbourne. >> jimmy: do you go back to that part

woody allen signature film. number three, "gone with the wind," from 1939.s masterpiece brings us amazing performance of vivian leigh . and number two, anybody's favorite film, "the godfather" from 1972, the classic one of the most quoted films of all-times, when it is on tv, an offer we can't refuse, number one best could best is casablanca from 1942, one of the greatest love stories of all-times, the beginning of a beautiful friendship, do you like this list? is it right or wrong? do you prefer more recent hits? let us know, drop us an e-mail, jerrwe'll be right back with myo cents more, and answer to my question of the day, would you buy something from the post office's clothing line? office's clothing line? hmmmm? all stations come over to mission a for a final go. this is for real this time. step seven point two one two. rify and lock. command is locked. five seconds. three, two, one. standing bfor capture. the most innovative software on the planet... dragon is captured. is connecting today's leading companies to places beyond it. siemens. answers. it'

tonight, he is a combination of woody allen and mel brooks. laughs from the audience. segment. he stays for another segment. tells a poignant story that is very touching. and then he goes back to another. it goes on for three to four more segments. finally, there is only one segment left in the show. and i said, irvin. irvin says "you just sit right here. i am going to take care of this." he goes outside broke for commercial. the producer, at the time, he said you don't know who david steinberg, you have never put him on. he is going to be a star. you have got to treat him with more respect. i've was listening from inside the green room. i thought that was really impressive. i am impressed by this. this is great. and then irvin comes out. i said am i going to get on. you are not going to get on. get your coat on. but i guarantee you are getting on the they don't know how to treat you. we are walking out. as we are walking out. tony bennett says in the faint distance. now i would like to sing "i left my heart in san francisco." irvin said, wait a sec. i love this song.

. >> woody allen syndrome. >> have i so many physical ailments that are the product of my brain, but there is nothing i can do. >> i bite my nails a lot. i have some stomach problems. every now and then i pull hail out of my head. >> i knew somebody who used to pull their eyelashes out when they were stressed out. >> not good. >> why is that not good? >> i don't know. it sounds not good. >> try it and let us know. >> eventually you run out. >> what about eyebrows? >> and then you move on to your eyes. >> my eyelashes have been compared to butterfly wings, so that makes me sick. they are gorgeous. do a close up. >> that leads to my next question. according to the survey, millenials are the more stressed generation, but according to what i typed on my paper, they are also the sexiest. how do you reconcile those two obviously true things? >> considering what you like on your facebook page, you do like that generation. it is funny i brought up facebook, andrew. i think that is the real problem. it is not the job market. it is not their social circles although one begets the other. they h

woody allen signature film. number three, "gone with the wind," from 1939. this masterpiece brings us amazing performance of vivian leigh . and number two, anybody's favorite film, "the godfather" from 1972, the classic one of the most quoted films of all-times, when it is on tv, an offer we can't refuse, number one best could best is casablanca from 1942, one of the greatest love stories of all-times, the beginning of a beautiful friendship, do you like this list? is it right or wrong? do you prefer more recent hits? let us know, drop us an e-mail, jerrwe'll be right back with myo cents more, and answer to my question of the day, would you buy something from the post office's clothing line? hmmmm? today is gonna be an important day for us. you ready? we wanna be our brother's keeper. what's number two we wanna do? bring it up to 90 decatherms. how bout ya, joe? let's go ahead and bring it online. attention on site, attention on site. now starting unit nine. some of the world's cleanest gas turbines are now powering some of america's biggest cities. siemens.

. >> woody allen syndrome. >> have i so many physical ailments that are the product of my brain, but there is nothing i can do. >> i bite my nails a lot. i have some stomach problems. every now and then i pull hail out of my head. >> i knew somebody who used to pull their eyelashes out when they were stressed out. >> not good. >> why is that not good? >> i don't know. it sounds not good. >> try it and let us know. >> eventually you run out. >> what about eyebrows? >> and then you move on to your eyes. >> my eyelashes have been compared to butterfly wings, so that makes me sick. they are gorgeous. do a close up. >> that leads to my next question. according to the survey, millenials are the more stressed generation, but according to what i typed on my paper, they are also the sexiest. how do you reconcile those two obviously true things? >> considering what you like on your facebook page, you do like that generation. it is funny i brought up facebook, andrew. i think that is the real problem. it is not the job market. it is not their social circles although one begets the other. they h

that's the same year "star wars" went up against and lot of to woody allen's "annie hall."ny fiction lost to forest gump. who should win best picture this year, and who will? >> you have to consider "argo" the favorite. the reason is simple numbers, actually. . of the 6,000 members, about 1298 are from the actor's branch and another 500 are so are from the producer's branch and 400 from the director's branch. each of the guilds separately voted argo best picture. in the director's case they voted ben affleck best director. but producers picked argo, actors picked targ argo, so you have to consider it the favorite. >> a lot of snubs come up this time of year. a lot of people felt affleck was snubbed in the best actor category. do you agree? were there any other oversight? >> it was clearly a surprise and snub of course, the complication here is you had nine pictures nominated for best picture and only five directors can be nominated for best director p. that snub i think gave argo tremendous momentum. people felt it was unfair that ben affleck, who was the major driving forc

he's been the author of the book "talk show" where woody allen calls him the best talk show host everladies and gentlemen, this is dick cavett. can we hear it, please? [ applause ] >> wow. three men in the studio. >> john: yeah, that's how it is. >> i'm exhausted from that. i couldn't wait to see about whom you were talking. i really owe you a terrible or real apology because you were sweet when i came in absolutely ignorant of most of the social media and said i don't know what all this tweeting or thatting or twittering or whatever it is and you wised me up. actually -- put me on twitter is it? >> john: twitter. the reason i did it is because twitter, i think, is the most ideal social media system for what you do. for your -- witticisms. if groucho were alive today, he would own twitter. it is so suited for your tight pointed, one-liners. what have i got to do? it has been so long. >> i'll tell you what though, because of you in this interim which i have neglected your shepherding me into it and really disgraced myself -- >> john: yes. >> every so often i think here's a line. i've g

down to the show of shows and there was the writer room and we are talking about neal simon and woody allenome of the most brilliant writers. and my dad and everybody. and i remember like 5 or 6 years old. signature up waiting for him to kilometer out of the writer room and i thought screaming crazy screaming at each other. because they were fighting for the joke or whatever. i said that's comedy? they are making comedy. sounds lake they are killing each other in there. >> also asked rob about what it was like at his home and did he recognize it was kind of unusual childhood with mel brooks and folks hanging around no not until i went over to a friend house one day and i thought his house isn't nearly as funny as main. any way delightful. very sharp guy interest to go talk with. >> we continue tonight. up next san francisco banjo man. >> in new orleans with one of the most popular niner anywher anywhere. he has a problem. anywhere. he look at you guys with your fancy-schmancy u-verse high speed internet. you know, in my day you couldn't just start streaming six ways to sunday. you'd get kno

in light of the oscars last night, what we're waiting for, in the words of woody allen, will it be from rome with love. can we actually see positivity come out of italy or will it still come back to credibility and implementation risk. what we're seeing here is concern over reform. that's at the heart of the issue in italy. can reforms continue. any pullback is a fantastic buying opportunity for international companies that are headquartered in europe but crucially generating returns outside of europe so they are immune to a certain extent from domestic woes. this gives you attractive entry points. >> a lot of people are looking for a pull gaback, 2%, 3%, 5%. is that a good thing that everyone wants to buy that weakness? >> it is a concern when consensus views come out that are so strong in wanting a pullback. it gives us comfort that when we do see a correction we know there will be a level of support and we know it is healthy. instead of getting spooked we maintain a longer term time horizon. we do think that in terms of yield and in terms of opportunity going forward, that is the are

kind of funky, woody allen. david: one shot. security did jump in. they separated the nice guys after the one shot. heavy guy looks like he came out of the wrong end of that fist. the men were escorted off the set. it highlights the underlying tensions shall we say political parties in georgia. liz: should have super slow-moed that. top three things to watch for tomorrow. michigan consumer sentiment index. they are expects it to rise to 73.8 in january. david: number two, industrial production expected to rise .2% down from december's reading of .3% and a jump of 1% in november. these numbers get all mixed in. the november spike was largely due to recovering from your gained sandy. liz: the number one thing to watch tomorrow, the markets. nasdaq and s&p, will they hold to their six-week winning streak? the dow snapped its five-day winning streak last week. find if the comeback is regained. david: we'll see you tomorrow. melissa: i'm melissa francis and here's what's "money" tonight. the government is dumping money into solar and wind power. but is nu

the old woody allen line. she went to places no secretary of state had gone.eting about back roads through africa and all kinds of places that a secretary of state might not necessarily be seen to do kind of retail diplomacy. she brought i think a politician's flair to this of kind of glad handing and handshaking and doing a personal style of diplomacy that people around the world and certainly people at the state department really appreciated. >> now, kiki, i know we don't like to speculate about 2016. i know. i know. >> why not? >> i know, i know. >> it's so fun. >> kiki, i want to ask you a question. one of the things that strikes me, everybody sort of says, well, if she gets in, she'll be the nominee. this idea of inevitability i actually think was harmful to her the last time, and so i really personally don't like that conversation, but it seems like it is not going to go away until she herself makes the decision or makes a formal announcement about 2016. >> well, i think you're right in your analysis it's not going to go away, and i think the good news i

after this great classic scene that some of you may know from "sleeper" which involves woody allen playing this kind of health food store owner from the 1970's who suddenly jumps forward 200 years and wakes up and it's 2173 and all of the scientists are analyzing him are confused because he keeps asking for tigers milk and organic wheat germ and things like that. they said why is he asking for this? they said, those were the charmed substances that were once thought to contain life preserving properties. and then they said, he doesn't want hot fudge or cheeseburgers or all the things we now know that are really good for you? and so basically the concede is all the things that were supposed to be so much junk food, when you look at that time from this angle which i hope to persuade you of, end up turning out to be more nourishing than we thought so that's the sleeper curve, the argument of "everything bad is good for you." i just want to backtrack and talk about something i've never talked about before but it's one of my favorite parts of the book which comes at the beginning. this kind of

osgood: woody allen paid tribute in the 1973 time travel movie. >> they really built these things, didn'tporter: and disney cast the beatle as the star of the herbie the love boat films. the last of the original design beatles was built in mexico in 2003. five years after the debut of a newer and more futuristic beatle, which has just rolled into modern year 2013. today the v.w. beatle is 4th in all-time production ranks between the toyota core al a the ford f series and volkswagen's own gulf. as for the model-t nearly 86 years after production stopped the tin lizy still finishes number 8. >> i kristen thee united states. osgood: coming up full steam ahead. a talking train. this ge locomotive can tell you exactly where it is, what it's carrying, while using less fuel. delivering whatever the world needs, when it needs it. ♪ ♪ after all, what's the point of talking if you don't have something important to say? ♪ ♪ [ theresa ] it does surprise me how much acidic foods i'm actually taking in a day... in the morning i start with coffee then i move to diet cola. i usually have a salad with dre

>> actually, i really like the woody allen film "to rome with love" which isn't on the red carpet butly sings in the shower. the met and the great opera houses, i think woody al sentence still firing in all cylinders and there were many touches of jean jusgeniuses. >> who are the best actors and actresses that you haven't worked with. >> daniel day-lewis. >> is he the dream to work with? >> i think so. and i also think his approach is very interesting. he makes one or two films every two or three years. >> what is it like being a brit guy who ten years ago, we'd never heard of you. suddenly you're marching up and down this carpet every year, glory heading your way. you must be pinching yourself. >> i could throw that back at you piers as a brit guy standing on the carpet. >> i'm on the wrong side, mate. >> i don't know. it's a huge feeling. as a kid i didn't fant size about coming to the oscars or winning an oscar. never occurred to me it would happen. it's the most amazing. at this kind of moment i really think about the huge team back home in london, over 1,000 people were involved

diane keaton, woody allen. this is the last comedy to win best picture at the oscars. 1978.edy, romance and new york city. >> let's watch a clip. >> that co see sieve core. >> he's reading his opinions in my year. >> the joy of spirit, the -- i found it incredibly indulgent. he's one of the most indulgent filmmakers. >> i love his dialogue. it's so great. >> is this the one woody allen tries to pick up a woman, what are you doing in i'm committing suicide. what are you doing later? i'm committing suicide. he's attacked to her. >> and a young christopher walken. >> there was a young christopher walken? >> there was. >> here's a quirky movie, 500 days of summer. >> i call this the anticliche romantic comedy. joseph gordon levitt. you watch the movie and go through the 500 days, 50, then 30 and you see the ups and downs. it's realistic. it doesn't end on the happiest of notes so i feel like it's one you don't love on valentine's day but it's a classic scene where he goes to visit her after a bad moment. a split screen of reality versus expectation. it's one of the best written

woody," which is a classic piece. i ended up finding a letter from allen loemax that said i'm going to drop everything i'm doing becausehapters and it's going to change things. then a kind of hunt went around looking for it. ended up finding it. and i should add they're building a museum for woody guthrie this april, they're opening, in oklahoma. >> really? >> woody guthrie museum. >> where in oklahoma? >> tulsa. >> tulsa. fantastic. >> when you first read this, what did you think? i'm just noticing there's a lot of sex in it. you warned me about that. it's like -- >> he went for it. >> oh, my gosh! >> actually, that's exactly what i did. i went, oh, my god! dad! >> dad? >> dad! >> i mean, i can't -- i would read this except i can't. out loud. >> you mean on the air, right. >> oh, my goodness. >> well, you know, woody was very free in his writing. he was probably the most unself-censored writer in his lyrics and in his novels. so here you go. this is what they did out there in the dust bowl. >> yes. >> there was nothing else to do. >> nora, let me ask you. you know, unfortunately our culture today, people learn about t