woooh! if you were to compare the honda crv to this... i definitely like the ford better...ghs) . >> jimmy: first, an item from our goods friend. last night, jake was talking about a new book written by former defense secretary robert gates. and in doing so provided us with our unintentional joke of the day. >> "the new york times" and "the washington post" got a hold of gates' new book "duty." >>. >> jimmy: an important note. you should always say the title of your book allow before you publish it. you know what the most dangerous neighborhood in the country is right now? the comments section on every web page. people are so unbelievably harsh with these comments. i oef spent many sleepless nights thinking about the terrible things big nuts 55 said about my double chin. no sane person would ever say the kind of things that they write online to someone face to face. if you did, you would get killed. and to illustrate this tonight, we collected real internet comments that people posted about me and about one of my guests tonight. and i'm going to invite her out here now so we

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woooh! if you were to compare the honda crv to this... i definitely like the ford better...i press a few out flat, add some beef, sloppy joe sauce and cheese, fold it all up and boom! delicious unsloppy joes perfect for a school night. pillsbury grands biscuits. make dinner pop. ♪ [ male announcer ] don't wait for awesome... totino's pizza rolls gets you there in just 60 seconds. ♪ . >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the program, a charming and gifted young man who has a very inventive new variety show. it's called "hit record" on tv. joseph gordon-levitt is with us. and then music from the cd called "fight for my soul" johnny lang from the sony stage. tomorrow night, chris pine will be here from "shark tank" kevin o'leary will be with us. he's the mean bald one. and we'll have music from gregory porter, too. so join us then. our next guest is three-time oscar and eight-time golden globe winner who is to acting what michael jordan was to basketballing. she has a nominee once again for her work in "august: osage county" which is in theatres now. please welcome meryl streep!

woooh! if you were to compare the honda crv to this... i definitely like the ford better...foju rebus.moco.. les t meeaas yodre.i ad t c f t tto [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. music from michael kiwanuka coming up. earlier tonight on abc an all new episode of "the bachelor." the second episode of the season and they still haven't revealed which of the female contestants is secretly a guy. so keep watching. [ laughter ] bachelor juan pablo has his work cut out for him this season. he has the tricky assignment of deciding which women are there to find true love and which are there to just get back at their dads. tonight he whittled his flock down to 15. he went on what they call a group date tonight with 13 of the bachelorettes. that's not a date. that's a book club. [ laughter ] the group date did not go well for a young lady named victoria who seemed to be drunk. another contestant tried to help her get it together, but according to victoria she was not drunk, she did not need help. >> okay? >> why? >> i think everyone thinks you're a little hammered and cra

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woooh! if you were to compare the honda crv to this... i definitely like the ford better...applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, guys, welcome back. higgins, i haven't told you this. i noticed that people and animals can be an the exact same setting and thinking two totally different things. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: what kind of things? let's find out in a segment we call "animal thoughts." ♪ that was a new edition there. >> steve: 2014, man. >> jimmy: that was good, man. i liked it. can i hear that again? that was really good. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's like spike jonze. it's like spike jonze man. >> steve: right in the viewers face. >> jimmy: so guys, i'm gonna let you in on a little secret. i'm basically a mind reader. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: we already did that bit. i can tell what people and animals are thinking just by looking at the way they interact with each other. for example, take a look at this. here we see a man is holding his cat while looking at his laptop. that's cute. >> steve: aww. >> jimmy: and you can tell just by looking at the man that he is thin

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