and what you get is what you get.g this up is we here at "late night", we come up with tons of different ideas all the time for the show. and many of them aren't quite enough to be a full sketch, a full meal, if you will. so instead of just discarding all those ideas we thought we'd throw them together, casserole style in a segment we call "late night casserole." ♪ [ applause ] >> seth: all right, first up, one of our writers thought instead of showing celebrities caught without their make up, it would be funny to show celebrities caught with their make up. in a segment cleverly titled, "celebrities caught with their make up." ♪ okay, let's check out the first celebrity. looks like we caught this hollywood star wearing make up. uh-oh. [ light laughter ] that was celebrities caught with their make up. [ applause ] not enough for a full sketch, but a fine, a fine piece of writing. [ light laughter ] have you heard of gaydar? great. well, gaydar is when an individual is able to look at a person and know if they are gay o

that's when you got -- you were nine when you started? >> and i put my hands in my pockets like he did. >> seth: that's, like, the nine-year-old power move. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: and so when did the singing start? did you start doing nightclub stuff? >> no, i was -- i left cleveland, where i was an actor. >> seth: okay. >> and thinking that that was my was to be in the theater. and i moved to los angeles, and there was no theater there. >> seth: so, you should have checked before you went. [ laughter ] >> well, my father -- my father, mickey katz, got a job with spike jonez and the city slickers. >> seth: oh, fantastic. >> yeah, he was the one that went -- [ funny noises ] >> seth: yeah, that was a very popular song back then. [ laughter ] >> well, that's my father. >> seth: your father is the one who did that on spike jonze? oh, i didn't realize that. that's fantastic. >> yeah, it went -- [ funny noises ] [ laughter ] >> seth: that's an interesting skill to find out you have. [ laughter ] now, you did -- so, you do the film of "

wherever you go whatever you do i will be right here waiting for you ♪ kassie: we are here to tell your everyday lives. kassie: so sit back or snuggle up -- jim: and let kassie and me take you on a romantic journey through all the love songs you grew up with. some you fell in love to, some you danced to, and some that will remind you of those wonderful, shared moments. >> ♪ love lifts us up where we belong where the eagles cry on a mountain high ♪ >> ♪ i know it's not much but it's the best i can do my gift is my song and this one's for you ♪ >> ♪ lady i'm your knight in shining armor and i love you ♪ kassie: wow, kenny rogers singing a great love song. it doesn't get much better than that, does it? jim: when you have amazing lyrics and a great singer, you have a love song that really hits home. >> ♪ tonight's the night it's gonna be all right ♪ >> ♪ so i sing you to sleep after the loving with a song i just wrote yeerday ♪ >> ♪ even now when i have come so far i wonder where you are ♪ >> ♪ you were always on my mind you were always on my mind ♪ kassie: you know, a love song can remind

be making anywhere -- you know, when you get good, you could be making anywhere from, you know, $25 or $50 an hour, to $500 for a couplofe hours. so, you're going to set your own prices. i mean, this is the thing about being an entrepreneur. you're in controof when andl where you work and how much yo make.u >> so, if a teen wants to learn how to become a balloon artist, how would they go about learning how to do it? >> uh, you know there's books,. like my book there's youtube videos -- i have a ton of videos on youtube. >> oh, really? >> um, and then once you get, you know, a little bit better, there's conventions, there's seminars, there's workshops, and there's also just hanging out with other balloon artists , other balloon twisters -- we call it balloon jams -- showing different ideas. >> jams? >> yeah, we took it from so there's a ton of ways to learn. the main thing is that when you start, you really want to, you know, do everything at least three to five times in a row, and that way you'll start to own that pattern. yeah. >> get it in you, yeah. well, thank you so much for be

but, you know, you do not have to. for free. your satisfaction is guaranteed. if you don't absolutely love the lost episodes, we will refund your purchase price, no questions asked. but wait, there's more. call or visit our website for an amazing offer from carol and time life -- carol herself will sign a limited number of the lost episode collections made out to anyone you choose, but you will have to act fast. these vip additions are one-of-a-kind collector's items, and when they are gone, they are gone. this is an incredible value. >> brace yourself. announcer: 21 star-studded episodes, hours of brand-new exclusive extras, and the collectible guestbook, all for just five payments of $19.99. >> these hands were meant to hold charge cards. look at that. perfect. announcer: and we will ship it for free. you can't buy it in stores. you don't have it on dvd. you can only buy the lost episodes here with this exclusive tv offer. >> you will get the chance to know us for the swell folks we are. announcer: order now. carol:

i'm telling you, they will make you switch. >> you will love it. >> mark my word, you will love it. >> okay, moving on. just because you break up with someone it doesn't mean you lose that connection. >> no. >> at least that is advice chloe kardashian gave on her web site that she's an expert on i guess. her relationship with ex-husband lemar odom good chloe doesn't feel the need to cut ties with lemar at all. and she explains that she always wants to feel like she can say hi to anyone when she has had a relationship with them. she's offering same add rise to scott disick split with her big sister courtney in july after photos surfaced with him with a girl in monaco. they have been seen out together. they have posted a video, scott disick and they are like hey, files, when you have three kid together you have to get along. that is how it goes. don't think we're dating again. >> no, and if you care about your children you will do that and try to have a good relationship, you know, or at least a cordial relationship so there is not tension, stress around the kid. it makes perfect sense.

if you take a single bubbleatter who you are, no matter what you do, if you let go, it's not going to stay. so it needs to be locked to another part of the balloon.o do is we're going to take it, squeeze and twist a little bubble off. yep. perfect.'re going to fold it and make a loop like this, about the size of your hand, or about, you know, maybe a little bit bigger than your palm. and then squeeze it like that, good. t from the top and just twist. it's easier if you twist from the top. yeah, good, perfect. right here, like, just swivel >> there we go. >> yeah. all right, and now what you're going to do is flip it around so it kind of looks like a golf club. okay, and you're just kind of gonna open up the circle,our hand. and you're going to feed the rest of the balloon into it. almost all they way but not quite. just like that. yeah, you did it. a little bit. there you go, you've made your first sword! en garde! congratulations! [ both laugh ] very good!. wow. >> you know what, i think that you can have this now. i -- i think that you are -- have become an official ballooner. >> yo

you know, you go through dry spells. you know this as an actor. there's going to be -- you know, say, james. >> jimmy: so i've heard. >> can i call you james? >> jimmy: yes, you may. >> thank you. so every now and then, you have to make ends meet. and my godsister does these industrials, you know, for these big corporate companies, right? >> jimmy: right. >> where they do these presentations where you have to like introduce some new product or whatever. and they have actors come out and do songs and dances. and for a little extra dough, she said, why don't you write the script for one of these things? and i said, okay, great. what do they want me to do? she said, they want you to write slam poetry about drugs. pharmaceuticals. their new drugs. >> jimmy: prescription drugs? >> their new prescription drugs. and i said, uh, slam poetry? i mean, okay. i'm not a poet. >> jimmy: right. >> i don't know -- i mean, i read it occasionally. i don't know how to make a poem. do you? don't act like you do, because it's very hard. >> jimmy: you have to find rhym

that fun, and that, you know, that sex isn't real, it's just a story they tell you to scare you, you ( laughter ) >> stephen: yeah, spooky stuff. spooky stuff. >> yeah. ( laughter ) you know, it's funny, i often wish there was somewhere that i could go to sort of get back to that-- just, back to that innocence, you know? >> stephen: oh, but there is... there is my blanket fort. >> you have a blanket fort? ( laughter ) >> stephen: yes, i do. and in there, everything makes sense again. everything you knew when you were a child, is still true in the blanket fort. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) >> can we go there? >> stephen: will... we're there already! ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ( laughter ) ( laughter ) >> stephen: hey, will... >> yeah, steve? >> stephen: you still awake? >> yeah. >> stephen: hey, man... these kids down the street, they told me that garbage men live at the dump. is that true? >> yeah. yeah, i heard that, too. >> stephen: yeah? >> and you know what? >> stephen: what? >> all teachers live in the school. >> stephen: yeah, yeah. you know, i saw my math teacher at the

thank you for watching. thank you for coming. want to let you know, every night i take a look at the audience and i decide, we've got a bunch of lunatics in this group. and you're happy about it, i guess, huh? hey, december wguess who turned old? barbie the doll is 57. she looks great, holding up well. the original barbie was created in 1959. the first african-american barbie came out in 1968. in 1984 barbie got married to larry king. [ laughter ] and the rest is history. since 1959, more than 800 million barbie dolls have been sold. some have been subjected to the imaginable. armed broken off. children chewing on their feet. horrible things. over the years barbie has evolved. now we have a full-figured barbie, short barbie, tall barbie. a new barbie who finally acts her age. >> you love barbie for 57 years. and this year for her birthday, mattel is introducing a brand-new barber. barb! >> she looks like my aunt nancy. >> barbie's 57 and her bone density is low, feed her a calcium chew. >> i miss regular barbie. >> oh, honey, i h

are you looking? i want you to lock it in there. [ laughter ] are you locked? >> yeah. >> are you there? all right. i want you to close your eyes, but don't stop looking into mine. [ laughter ] you can figure it out, all right? you got this. you got this. >> okay. >> okay, now, open your mouth and say, "ahh." i want to look and see your throat. [ laughter ] oh, yeah. ooh, you might be developing a minor case of strep throat there. [ laughter ] i don't care. through sickness and in health, right? >> yes. >> will you marry me? >> oh, yes! [ cheers and applause ] oh, my god. that's so great! [ applause ] aaah! gosh. [ laughter ] here, take this. >> okay. >> here you go. it's a brownie. [ laughter ] take a bite of it. [ laughter ] >> wonderful. >> thank you. the secret ingredient is love. [ laughter ] and the other secret ingredient is acid. [ laughter ] and there might be a ring in there. hours. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> ayour honor! [ cheers and applause ] oh my god! so many husbands! aaah! [ laughter ] hi. >> hey. >> so, i don't want to propose to you. [ laughter

nice to meet you, ben. why are you here? my partner and i are investigating the possibility that mike stratton was murdered by a fellow superhero. what? it seems the killer left a piece of a tactical belt at the scene. would it surprise you to know that it's the same brand of belt that you wear as the standard-bearer? lots of heroes have that belt. how many do you suppose want to be the new midnight ranger? i have to admit, ben, looks good on you. i'm lucky to get through a shift without a disaster. my bargain detergent, it couldn't keep up. so i switched to tide pods. they're super concentrated... so i get a better clean. voted 2016 product of the year. if it's got to be clean, it's got to be tide. we need this vacation so bad. absolutely. honey, can you grab my hat? got it! the weather's supposed to be beautiful this weekend, too. do you think we should get a boat? we need the big bag. i put my sunscreen on already. me too. let's go swimming! yeah. now that's the good stuff. the sonoma collection. only at kohl's. this is t

you shoot in l.a., but you live here. >> yep. >> seth: through the years you obviously you have gone back and forth, had to live in l.a. >> yep >> seth: true that you lived at one point in ricky martin's house? >> this is true. >> seth: okay. >> i wanna preference this by saying this wasn't "livin' la vita loca" superstar. >> seth: okay. >> this was back in the mid-'90s. >> seth: this is pre-that? >> this is "general hospital" ricky martin. >> seth: okay gotcha. >> to me this is, menudo ricky. he was in menudo. >> seth: this was like -- this was somebody who's house you could afford to stay in. >> oh, i couldn't afford, "livin' la vida --" no, i could afford to lease or to rent menudo, ricky's house. i moved to l.a. with a bunch of dj's working at a radio station. all over the country. i'm moving in a truck, six years six station i'm in san francisco, down in san jose. and a bunch of us get a job in los angeles. world famous k-rock, i'm playing nada surf, i'm playing all these great bands at the time. so i think i've died and gone to heaven. i never think i'm going to be anything. so

>> denise, you look smoking hot. are you ready? i think you are. spin right here. >> oh, my gosh. >> wow! >> y you look beautiful. >> hot. does she not look hot? >> tell us about the h hair. what did you do? >> when i saw heher, i saw these beautiful eyes that just sort of disappeared. so, of course, it's st. patrick's day, so what a perfect day to make someone darker aububurn which is the perfect color for her skin complexion. then arsene gergoff who did her haircut framed her face to show them off more. layered. >> i like that cut. >> she could do it herself. >> debby, mom, what do we think? >> fantastic. very beautiful. >> can you believe what't's going on there? >> jill, talk about a perfect dress. >> well, color, obvious reasons why we picked this color. but i love the interest, the sheer in the front and the back. look at how lovely the v-neck is. >> is there no bra? >> it's a strapless bra and she was wearing a convertible bra so it worked perfectly. >> i like those. >> thank you. big round of applause. >> good job! correia. she's 48 from ho

if you want to save on car insurance, you switch to geico. r it's what you do. where are you?r it's very loud there. are you taking at >>> hoda, how do you who saint patrick was? >> do i know who he was? >> don't worry, you're not alone. >> we hit the streets to ask people who they thought saint patrick actually was. take a look. >> who was saint patrick? >> an irish saint of some sort? >> oh, i have no idea. >> i'm going to go with a catholic saint. or an elf, i don't know. >> patron saint of leprechauns. >> a guy who wore green. >> drove out the snakds. . >> snakes in ireland. >> everyone has been saying that. and i don't know what that means. >> a saint. >> saint patrick. i guess that's all i know. >> like a saint or something. i don't know. >> uh -- a saint in a church, i guess? i don't really know. >> a leprechaun? >> a saint? >> i really don't know. who was he? >> he was a christian missionary. >> the first person who got it right. good job! >> way to go. somebody got it. ireland ireland together standing tall >> i want to be irish! shoulder to shoulder we'll answer irel

you seem like you-- have you done your research? >> are you kidding me?!t done my research? do you realize, i went to iowa, new hampshire, i studied every candidate; i read every one of their books! >> stephen: really, every book? >> every book. would you like to see them? >> stephen: yes i would, triumph. >> all right, well, here, look. here's a book i read. i read donald trump, his run's making history, and he's making history with his updated new book "pride and prejudice: now with more prejudice" by donald trump. ( applause ) florida governor jeb bush. he still hopes he will be the next president of 1600 penn. read about his vision for the country, in "leading to courage--" you're not going to show it? ( laughter ) his vision for the country, "leading to courage, america, freedom, future, ah, ( bleep ) it, i'm out." by jeb bush! i did my research! i did my research! let no one say i did not do my research! >> stephen: "triumph's election special 2016" is now streaming on hulu. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) your husband w

wherever you go whatever you do i will be right here waiting for you ♪ kassie: we are here to tell youime life called "the power of love." jim: it contains music from a very special time -- the mid-1970's to the early 1990's. the biggest hits and the best artists singing about two of our favorite subjects, love and romance. kassie: that is the era that we grew up in, from being teenagers to, let's just say, the adults that we are now. jim: it was a time when music was so very much a part of our everyday lives. kassie: so sit back or snuggle up -- jim: and let kassie and me take you on a romantic journey through all the love songs you grew up with. some you fell in love to, some you danced to, and some that will remind you of those wonderful, shared moments. >> ♪ love lifts us up where we belong where the eagles cry on a mountain high ♪ >> ♪ i know it's not much but it's the best i can do my gift is my song and this one's for you ♪ >> ♪ lady i'm your knight in shining armor and i love you ♪ kassie: wow, kenny rogers singing a great love song. it doesn't get much better than that, does i

you look -- you look healthy, well, you know. you do the superhero movie, you get muscled. then muscle turns to fat, you know. >> jimmy: uh-huh, wow. i mean, really. >> on and off cycle. >> jimmy: no offense, i don't mean to put you in an uncomfortable position, but you really ballooned up. >> thanks. i didn't think it was going to >> jimmy: what is going on? >> thanks but -- >> jimmy: have you got a monkey under there, what's happening here? what is going on here? it's moving. >> no, it's not. >> jimmy: what the hell is going on there? >> what is this? hey, why are you touching me? >> jimmy: i'm not touching you. oh! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, no! sit! i won't have it -- sit down! no clapping! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's -- >> jimmy: i'm upset with you more than him about this. >> i think it's maybe time to bury the hatchet here, man. >> jimmy: you get to decide when it's time to bury the hatchet? >> i think as a mutual friend it's time to, you know -- well, there is no us, it's not about us. >> matt, have a seat, sit down. t

>> yeah, shathe. >> jimmy: and then when you shathe, do you -- do you -- do you have to use soap? >> yeah, soap or, you know, different mud oils. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i -- >> i'm not gonna make this easier for you. >> jimmy: just straight -- just straight hand to skin, to skin to skin and rub it around. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: or do you use a a towel? >> um -- >> jimmy: do you use a loofah? [ ding ] [ laughter ] >> that was good. that was good. go stegs! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: go stegs. >> no, i do. >> jimmy: you do use a loofah? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you do. >> no, i've never used a >> j jimmy: no. i have. >> no, you know, because a a a loofah's for cleansing, right? for getting -- you know, getting yourself clear of things and, you know, i think -- [ laughter ] for me prune juice just does that the best. [ ding ] [ laughter ] that does the trick for me. [ cheers and applause ] it gets all -- it gets everything o out. >> jimmy: gets everything out. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: all the bits and bobs and nuts and bolts and fruity pebbles and things. [ ding ] [ laughter and applau

who are you who are you who who whwhwho who are you who who who who who are you who who who who who are you who who who who i really wanna know who aryou who who who who come on and tell me who are you who are you who whw who who come on i really wanna know who are you who who who who oh who the crap are you who are you who who who who i know there's a place you walked where love falls my heart is like a broken cup i only f fl right on my knees i spit out like a sewer hole yet still receive your kiss how can i measure up to anyone now after such a love as this well who are you who are you who who who who come on and tell me who 7 who are you who who who who well i really wanna know who are you who who who who oh who the -- are you who who who who come on and tell me tell me tell me who are you who who who who but i really wawaa know who are you who who who who come on and tell me tell me tell me who who who who well i really wanna know who arereou who really wanna know who i really wanna know come on and tell me who are you you you [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! oh, my g

i mean, you don't know these people, but you feel like you do. you get connected to them.h that i could get into a time machine and go back 100 years, 200 years and just meet these people. being on ancestry just made me feel like i belonged somewhere. discover your story. start searching for free now at ancestry.com. >>> in the impact segment tonight, at times during this g.o.p. campaign for president, it seems like the candidates feel pure hatred for each other, but, could they put that aside to support the eventual nominee? >> you can you definitively say you will support the republican nominee even if that nominee is donald j. trump? senator rubio? yes or no? >> i will support the republican nominee. >> mr. trump, yes or no? >> i will support donald if he is the republican nominee. >> yes, because i gave my word that i would. and what i have endeavored to do every day in the senate is do what i said i would would do. >> i will support whoever is the republican nominee for president. tonight that you will definitely support the republican nominee for president even if it

why don't you spin it, you spin it. hold on. you spin it. do you have anything i can pull as the lever? give me your other hand. you spin it with that hand, give me your other hand. okay, ready?ick, tick! >> stephen: oh, oh, oh! oh, looks like it might be "mini clubman integration."mental health." >> ding, ding, ding, ding! ( laughter ) >> stephen: okay, great. a topic that is not covered enough in our media, and it is important to take a moment to shine a light on it. a beautiful light like... the interior ambient lightingini clubman doors! ( cheers and applause and that's it-- that's it for "mental health."! >> tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick! cheers and applause ) >> tick... tick... tick...tephen: "a recent study!" according to a recent study, people who are significantly overweight may perceive distances as being greater than they actually are.he old joke "yo mamma is so fat, her depth ( laughter ) and let's spin again! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "clip without context!" jim?ing ) let's spin again! let's spin again!ll love you

thank you so much. thank you so much. good to see you. welcome to "the late "the late show" everybody. i'm stephen colbert. it's been a huge week in america. we've seen cataclysmic events, decisions with unknown implications for all our future, choices being made that cannot be undone because monday on "the bachelor," ben said, "i love you" to two different women. two! this has never happened in the history of bachelordom. ben, what are you thinking? saying "i love you" is a sacred vow between one bachelor and one of 28 housebound tv concubines. ( laughter ) i can see why ben's in this pickle. it's a real pickle, man. these women are spectacular. let's show a picture of them up there, jum, can we? they're both lovely. between apples and oranges who've been drinking white wine for two months. now, i, heaven forbid if i had to choose between lauren b. and jojo, i know who i'd pick. my wife. because that's who i watch "the bachelor" with. because i'm in this marriage for the right reasons. thank you for saying yes. but ben is struggling. jus

you get up, you go to the gym, or something if you have any, you know energy. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> but with the baby, he wakes up now. and then nancy will sew and drew also helped me put the baby on a complete sleep schedule. so he goes to bed at, like, crazy. >> jimmy: yeah. me too. anyone. >> jimmy: i'm on the same -- baby. >> jimmy: oh, that's so cute. >> so good. >> jimmy: that's great. so you have -- what season are four? >> yeah, we're in the middle of four now. >> jimmy: and it's fantastic. and you're going to direct an episode? >> i'm directing another episode, yeah. in march. >> jimmy: why are you adding more work to your work schedule? >> i don't know. i don't know. >> jimmy: someone else will direct it. >> when it gets busy, it gets busier. it's fun because you know how it is when you get creative and it's busy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's when everything is kind of -- all the juices are flowing. yeah. >> jimmy: it all starts working, yeah. absolutely. but now you have that. you have "kung fu panda 3." >> yeah, which i can't -- i mean rockwell is too small now, but i th

how are you? good to see you, my friend? how you doing? >> jon: good, good, solid. >> stephen: how are your hamstrings, jon? >> jon: yeah, they're nice and stretched. >> stephen: i have to stretch mine out before i do anything rough tonight. welcome to "the late show," everybody. life is good, isn't it? ( cheers and applause ) some of it is absolutely fantastic. for instance, it's getting warmer. spring training right now upon down in florida. i just saw this heartwarming story of a baseball bat flying at a child's head. ( laughter ) did you guys see this today? danny ortiz of the pittsburg pirates is up to bat, takes a chop at it, the bat flies out of his hands-- apparently they have not gotten to the part of spring training where they are trained to hold on to the bat-- and it goes straight for the skull of an eight-year-old boy in the stands. and check out how his father protected him with his forarm. look at that! ( applause ) that dad-- that dad-- there's your season m.v.p., and the season hasn't even started. the dad's name is sean c

hey, did you know if you keep your eyes open when you sneeze, you die?>> stephen: yeah. i always thought if you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyeballs pop out of your head. >> stephen: you want another? yeah. (laughter) >> thanks for noticing i was so hungry. (laughter) >> stephen: mmm... yeah, yeah. >> hey, steve? >> stephen: yeah, will. i got a question for ya. >> stephen: okay. why do adults drink alcohol? it tastes so bad. >> stephen: they need to drink it. otherwise, they don't know how to laugh. (applause) or sleep. or do sex. (laughter) >> steve? >> stephen: yeah? can i tell ya something? >> stephen: will, you can tell me anything. this is the blanket fort. nothing ever leaves the blanket fort. >> i stole a baseball from the hardware store. (audience reacts) >> stephen: you are going to jail. (laughter) >> i know. >> stephen: hey... tomorrow when we get up, do you want to look at the national geographics my brother keeps in the basement? >> do they have pictures of tigertying -- do they have picts of -- >> stephen: tigers on every page! awesome

you show up every day. you do your job.is case sthey actually killed you. >> shocking. shocking. >> jimmy: when you saw -- >> no, i argued for 30 years for this to happen. finally i wore them down. >> jimmy: i guess you did. so you won't be in any of the other movies, han solo won't be in any of the other movies? >> who said that? >> jimmy: i don't know. i'm asking. >> who made you the boss? >> jimmy: do you know, nobody made me the boss, no one ever will make me the boss. do you know if the character han solo will continue or do you not know? it's a good question, right? that means either -- well. hm. interesting. i have no idea what to make of your answer. when you saw yourself or han solo die on screen -- >> >> do you know how much money you can make selling reverse mortgages? >> jimmy: is that right? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> you have no idea. it's a gold mine. >> jimmy: is that right? >> it's a gold mine. >> jimmy: explains chuck wollery's fans. anyway. the movie came out great. >> came out good, huh? you

how are you? >> seth: you look beautiful and you are pregnant. congratulations. >> i am. >> seth: and you and my wife are very close to the same due date. my wife -- this is our first. >> it's true. >> seth: this is your third. >> this is my third. any advice you can give me on how to act as we go into the final month here? >> just say yes, you're right, and be so nice to her. >> okay, so like -- for an example like. >> be so nice. >> seth: if she's having -- help me out with this. if she's having a food craving, a weird middle of the night food craving, do i run out and get it for her or do i say, no, you're better than this? >> i don't care -- >> seth: fight your cravings. >> what she asks for you get that for her. >> you get that for her. >> seth: gotcha. i was saying backstage, we are "americans." >> no. >> absolutely one of our favorite shows. and we were trying -- i said you know keri we should watch the first episode of the new season. >> that's me. that's the story my like right now. going on as far as staying awake. >> by the way my 8-ye

had to turn to the person next to you and tell them four things about you that you loved.ch of actors, most of them were really serious with tears in their eyes and they got to me and i said, "i really need to vomit." ( laughter ). >> stephen: well, we're sitting next to each us right now, theo. an acting exercise, i'll say something i love about you, and you say something you love about me, okay? ( laughter ) ( laughter ) your accent feels like a warm blanket. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> um... your salt and pepper hair feels smooth like the ocean. ( cheers and applause ) i haven't felt it yet. i kind of copied yours. >> stephen: that's good. that was good. we can stop there. we can stop there. >> i have more. >> stephen: we'll throw the cameras off and keep going for a while. >> "the divergent series: allegiant" is in theaters this friday. theo james, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) "the divergent series: allegiant" is in theaters e*trade is all about seizing opportunity. and i'd like to... cut. so i'm gonna take this opportunity to direct. thank you, we'll call you.

thank you for coming. >> thank you, thank you for having me.s the midseason. this is the fourth season of "nashville." >> yes. >> jimmy: it gets confusing sometimes. now the seasons, every season seems like two seasons. >> i know. trust me, it seems like four seasons a season sometimes. which is four seasons a season and then this is our fourth season so then that's like 4 times 4, which is 28. >> jimmy: there are stoners at home who are run together refrigerator right now, they're so confused. >> right? yeah. >> jimmy: do you live in nashville? >> pretty much. because we were saying, you know, it's like -- takes 10 months out of the year so shoot the show, so yeah. >> jimmy: did you imagine when you signed on you'd become an almost permanent resident of tennessee? >> i did not imagine that. i mean, i guess i sort of did. because i was committing to do the show and i wanted to do it in nashville, if you're doing a show called "nashville" do it in nashville. >> jimmy: makes sense. a lot of shows don't. "csi: new york" is shot in, i don't know, d

you will have one soon, are you going to go do it. >> you started thinking. >> you are getting married mike and when you first get married, first come marriage and then come the baby in the baby carriage. >> i put out a post over the weekend on alex baldwin, got a ton of response. >> you made it seem like you are ready. alex baldwin will have one, should i get the one next. >> so excited about having a baby just a question to get my cher rocket up. >> he follows you, my gosh, he is ready. >> it is time. >> that is why i didn't hear from her all weekend. >> i cannot believe i missed saturday night, at the basketball game, i missed saturday night live because my favorite ariana grande you doughnut licker was the host of the show. >> and the performer. >> i know she's really good impersonating other famous singers. >> she started out as an actress on disney. >> same and cat was that the name of the show. >> yes. she talk like this. >> yes. >> more talent then i realized she has a lot of talent. >> so what happened here. her character closed she played the character chloe. >> she was an as

comisky, bless you. thank you. thank you. yes. i keep the checkie, thank you. thank you, mrs. comisky. yes, good-bye, mrs. comisky. here we go. that's a girl. oh, oh! beautiful, beautiful. we're going right out the door. all right, easy now. easy, we don't have time for that. easy. don't worry, it's only six flights. bye! >> bye. >> thank god for citizens united. >> 22 ambassadors to france so far. >> and 25 million bucks, bloom. i have to tell you, running trump was smart. but your idea about building a wall across the mexican border? brilliant. >> not as brilliant as your idea about making the mexicans pay for it. >> he won't last the week! >> oh, look, max, this is it. >> i will build a great, great wall on our southern border and i will have mexico pay for that wall. mark my words. we're in the money we're in the money >> announcer: but they pick the wrong fool. >> good news for donald trump. the whole world has gone stark raving mad for him like these two looney birds, these numb skulls, even in whack a doodle. >> you ready for someone who will let our warriors do their j

you did that on purpose, didn't you? >> no. >> you're a liar. >> i'm not. >> it's okay. >> are you -- >> seth: please welcome to the show, sally field. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good, how are you? i know how you are. >> seth: yeah, i know. >> whoo! yeah. >> seth: you've been through it? >> oh yeah. yeah, i have three sons and five grandchildren. >> seth: oh my goodness, so yes. and it's great, right? you get through it? >> it's life. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> you know what i mean? >> seth: that was a little less than enthusiastic than i was hoping for. it's life, it is truly life. >> you know, in reality, life meaning, it's everything. >> seth: it is. >> what else is there? it's life. what are you looking for except life. >> seth: it does make everything else seem fairly insignificant. yeah. >> it's yeah. i'll say it, and sleep -- >> seth: yeah, just goodbye to that. huh? >> you know, the first two days of a baby's, three days of a baby's life, they sleep the who

very nice to meet you. >> how are you? it's nice to meet you. >> heard a lot about you. >> you too.o, rich, tell me a little bit about the history of mr. green tea. >> well, you know, my dad started this business, you know, 45, 50 years ago. >> he's the real mr. green tea. >> he saw the need of high-quality ice cream for the restaurants. he had a friend who was also in the ice cream business, and my dad believed you gotta sell to food service--to restaurants, and his friend believed you gotta sell to grocery stores. my dad went his way, founded mr. green tea, and put it into restaurants, and reuben went his way and founded haagen-dazs. so, you know. you see who actually had the better idea. >> haagen-dazs as in-- as in the haagen-dazs, multi-billion-dollar ice cream? >> exactly. >> do you have his number? maybe i can go do some business with him. >> well-- [laughter] >> i like this story because it's a classic case of being willing to take risks. in the case of mr. green tea, they like to get up to the plate and hit singles, and in the case of haagen-dazs, they were swinging for the

can you nap, and can you wake up, or when you nap, do you go in a deep slumber? >> i get a deep one and don't -- i love it because i don't get that during the middle of the night. >> so you take it during the day? >> yes. on weekends, i love it. >> they said you should have a 20-minute power nap. it takes 20 minutes to kick in. once it kicks in, you're awake. >> coffee in the middle east -- is it like thick? >> that's like a turkish, but just a regular coffee, everything is better. everything tastes better. smells better. except with kojak. they played a trick on me. if you go there and you're on the mount of olives and you're lucky enough to get off koj ak, don't let the guy tell you to go ride him on the front, on his neck. it's a trick. >> riding kojack's little neck? >> it's not little. they're 20 feet tall. >> when they get up and down, it's scary. >> you have to lean back, and it's counterintuitive. you want to go like that. >> we rode them when we were kids. >> of course you did. >> we were terrified. >> saw more kids trying on top of kojak. they really ar

you know what? you got that thang! i don't know about you folks, but i could listen to that song twice in a night! (cheers and applause) scott kelly may have missed a lot of the presidential race so far, but there is plenty more in the next few weeks, five more states will weigh in on the presidential election: michigan, ohio, louisiana, nebraska and florida. in florida, they will cast their votes the traditional way, by voting for whoever looks more like their grandson. (laughter) but even then, we still won't even be halfway through the primary process. which means this is the road to the white house! >> i just want a job! just get me a job! >> stephen: well, he might get one because donald trump's big win on super tuesday has made it clear that he is the likely nominee of the republican party, and that has sent the republican establishment into a panic. they do not want to be with this guy, but the voters are choosing this. it's like an arranged marriage. and unlike trump's other eight years. (laughter) (applause) t

i'm sorry, did you? i don't think you did? could you come here a second? here a second, i just want to ask you something. did you park in at the gate? did you? >> jon: yes, i did. okay, yeah, okay. >> you did, oh, good! i'm very happy to hear it! come over here. now, we've got a very good stall here. you know, my prizes... ( laughter ) >> jon: yeah, over there. >> stephen: she got you. jon, helen. helen, jon. >> jon: hi. ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: she got me. >> that's blagging. >> stephen: how much different is that from acting? >> it's exactly the same! ( laughter ) you're so right. >> stephen: yeah. >> that was when my career began. i never thought of that. >> stephen: well, helen mirren, thank you so much for being here. it was an absolute pleasure to meet you. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) "eye in the sky" opens this friday. helen mirren, everybody. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ to those who don't run from mud...but through it. who know it wasn't a day at the beach... unless someone got buried. to the fullbacks... gearheads...

thank you. thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: great to see. [ cheers and applause ] >> great to be here. great to be here. >> jimmy: you look great. >> thank you, man. >> jimmy: i want to get to talking about "miles ahead."bout this because i know you worked a a long time on this thing. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but we have some photos from your high school year book. >> oh, good. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah.. you don't really look that different to me. wait -- [ cheers ]ghting it's very good. >> yeah. very dramatic. >> jimmy: very dramatic. yeah. >> and the shadow that it tehre. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that a piano there? >> of course it's a piano. >> jimmy: what else? a guitar strap? >> that is a saxophone case strap. >> jimmy: oh. >> 'cause you gotta pose to do sax. >> jimmy: you had a lot -- you had a lot going. you got a lot going in this one photo. >> i just had to cover all the bases. was working with.here's you in theater club. that's you on the top there. [ laughter ] >> yeah. yeah. play was t

live from studio 1a in hey hey hey >> you guys are pretty good, you two! >> hi! >> how are you? >> happy st. paddy's day. >> what are your names? >> james. >> maggi. . what were you doing? >> a quickie, ready? >> and, go. how do we do it? i'm going to hold yoyou because i'm going t to fall down. >> i gotcha. >> okay. right, left and over. >> up! >> watch it. >> thanks, hoda! >> okay. >> thank you so much! that was great! >> our exercise for the day. >> we're exhausted. now we need a drinky. >> happy st. patrick's day. >> those are two of the dancers from the riverdance. >> unbelievable. i saw it at rockefeller center years -- >> we finally found a hat that fits hoda. >> that's actually not nice, all right? anyway -- so, so true. happy st. patrick's day, everybody. it is the day -- they're blocking the streets of manhattan. >> i know, i can't get over to neary's pub. i was s so upset. i was going to go for lunch. i can't get there, baby. >> we just saw maggi and james, with the show for five years. by the way, it's celebrating its 20th year. >> remember michael flatly? he madee a

you hit me, i hit you back. think about it after in the hole, you sitting there like damn. >> along with determining how many days peters must serve in segregation, deputy stangel must also figure out where to place him when his stay in segregation is over. >> david peters came into the building without any issues and since he's here he picked up issues in the building that make it very difficult for us to house him here. you guys did not start this fight but you guys did finish it. especially -- all right? >> yeah. >> so, what are we going to do with you? i can't guarantee it. obviously. it's not my end of the business. i do this end, i do the seg unit. but i will recommend that you guys go back to 2-4. >> yeah.to separate likely comb. >> that makes five units i can't put david peters on, considering i only have 11 units to actually work with here it makes him very difficult to house. >> i'm probably a headache to stangel. i get into fights. these people, these people, he don't know where to put me. everywhere

you can laugh. >> the fact that you said you don't know what to tell your daughters yet, do you think he is sexist? >> look, i'm not going there. >> do you think -- >> i'm not going there. >> why did you say two daughters. >> because if they were my two sons. i have daughters, okay. >> because a lot of people believe -- [ applause ] >> chuck, we're not in a psychologist's office here. i've said what i have to say. you figure. they pay you all this money to figure this out. all i want to do is -- a politician want please to read between the lines. >> all i want to tell people is how we can get it fixed. a lot of people say why do you always talk about your record. i'll tell you why. in this day, if a politician's lips are moving, we assume they're lying. if i can tell you what i have done in various places, and tell you what i can do, instead of hey, i'm going to give you a 10% flat tax, all this and other things, i can tell you what i think can be accomplished. >> you just brought up what ted cruz said about patrolling muslim neighborhoods, and as you know, bill bratton, he criticized

and you had to -- you know when you walk in a parade you have to really smoothly go heel-toe? >> seth: i did not. >> did you not? because you don't want to jostle your instrument. >> seth: sure, sure, okay. >> you know what i'm saying? >> seth: obviously so it's real -- >> right. >> seth: yeah. >> so you have to go a smooth heel-toe, so you want a steady gate. >> seth: yep, okay. >> you wanna key off of the person to your right, 'cause you want a straight line. >> seth: yep. >> right? >> seth: yes. >> okay. and then you walk like this at rest. which i was clearly at rest. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and then when the person in that. you go -- >>eth: okay. >> all at once. you cannot mess around. it's got to be -- [ laughter ] >> seth: and i will say, when i watch marching bands, i'm very impressed by the precision. and this does not come easily. there's a lot of repetition. >> absolutely not. you go to band camp. >> seth: uh-huh. >> you stand in the sun and you practice marching at the same -- you know, everyone has to have the same steady level of gate. and it's not easy, seth. >> set

you okay? you realize how quickly you can lose the people you love. all the more reason we should appreciate each other while we have the chance. okay, mom, didn't you say you saw nathan's doctor? i lied. [ sighs ] i wanted to get you alone so you could tell me what's wrong. nathan has been shot...again. isn't that enough? [ chuckles ] it's more than enough, sweetheart. but it's obviously not everything. so tell me, is nathan's condition worse than we actually thought? no, no, nathan's gonna be fine. okay, when he was falling asleep, i said, "i love you," and he said, "i love you, too"... aww. ..."claudette." oh. yeah. "oh." who is she? according to nathan, claudette is some french poodle he had when he was a kid. nathan had a french poodle? i know. it doesn't make sense. i don't know. has nathan ever given you any reason to doubt him? no. see? not until yesterday, when we were getting ready for the wedding. i found a single white ladies' glove in his tux jacket. did he recognize it? he said it had to have been there for years, and that he couldn't re

but you shoot that -- do you shoot in malibu?bu, but the -- all the -- the house, which is supposedly in malibu, is in chatsworth, and our studio is in chatsworth. >> jimmy: for those who don't know, people who live in l.a. know chatsworth. >> yes. >> jimmy: just give a little bit of a description of -- >> people know it. they just don't know they know it. it's a major porn hub. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's number one. >> yeah. we are two blocks from a dildo factory called pipe dreams. >> jimmy: made in the usa. >> yeah. the other side of it is basically -- the other side of it is the porter ranch methane leak. [ laughter ] so we've really got it coming from both sides. >> jimmy: it's a beautiful part of the country. it really is. >> actually, there are some very nice parts there. you get up in the hills and you guys, go to chatsworth. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you worried about being allowed back into chatsworth? >> what's that? >> jimmy: pipe dreams is the place? oh, i want to ask you about -- speaking of photographs. not a gre