all of us by the foreign companies going to trash the boom and over that we can't collect any more zen eligible or. yes this is a problem the must we must introduce this new concept. that we can carry out source separation and residents learn that we were cycle of no model everything my idea that i feel people will start to appreciate us and. no one cares about us that. was sorry to bother you and i i get to come see what they've done. and my name is les that this is car even at my age has ms i. would like your cooperation with our project of sorcerer peroration way of food waste is separated from the other trash. so who will be collecting this separator trash may be political i mean i would hope we asked the foreign companies collector to keep the trash separate bank and she's the one with the like our mission this way the trash stays divided obviously so we just need to throw it out of two different bugs. one of the many my asking me to post all to garbage backs i don't have the space most of these are for taking up your tarver. but i am doing that as long as my efforts aren't in vai

and all of us while the foreign companies get to trash subliminal shit all we can to collect any more zen and. yes this is a problem i must we must introduce this new concept. to carry out source separation the residents learn that we recycled all mellow everything my idea that i feel people will start to appreciate us and then this bit i know no one cares about us. to. do is sorry to bother you that i might get to come see what they did on. my name is lame this is carmen at some design. process must have we would like your cooperation with our project of source of peroration way of food waste is separated from your other trash. so who will be collecting to separate a trash. bin i mean we asked the foreign companies collector to keep the trash separate of them and she's the one to the last mission this way the trash stays divided obviously so we just need to throw it out into different bugs. one of the many night asking me to put it all to garbage backs i don't have the space in this misery for taking up your time for. i don't know why i'm doing that as long as my efforts aren't in vain t

zen. >> and last but not least,. you wish you could. i'm talking about this man captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> tonight, i kick off "the colbert report" summer concert series. it will be just like mtv but with music. then new developing technology. i hope it's a rob-- robot that can protect me from my tivo. and my guest bon iver has a new album called bon iver or i might have that backwards. 8% of u.s. kids have food allergies. luckily very little of what they eat is technically food. >> this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) welcome to the report, everybody. good to have you with us. thank you so much. whooo! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) wow, thank you. you know, it's hard to tell you about it almost sounds like you folks want me to do an encore and i haven't even played yet. folks, what a gorgeous day in manhattan. sunshine, warm br

here it, is your moment of zen. >> tonight i am going to tell you that jon stewart, because of what he did, is a racist. i don't believe that, but i'm goingcaptioning sponsored by comedy >> stephen: tonight, big news for wal-mart, not wal-mart big but big. and then animals respond to advertising. you know what they say? leg humping sells. [laughter] and my guest alexandra pelosi made a documentary about immigrants becoming u.s. citizens. i'm going to watch it backwards and make them all leave the country. [laughter] the pope wrote his first tweet today. he is truly the vessel through which god wastes time. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colbert repor captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) [cheers and applause] >> stephen: thank you very much. very kind. [cheers and applause] welcome to the report, everybody. thank you for joining us. [cheers and applause] thank you so much. [cheers and applause] thank you, very kind. nation -- [cheers and applause] i don't know actually -- thank you, please, please. please -- i have to -- i don't hone

here it is, your moment of zen. [babies crying] >> you okay, baby? >> they're fighting over a bottle. >> oh, no. oh. >> oh, yeah. >> can i get a quick picture? >> come on. captioning sponsoredy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> dr. pepper presents: ♪ rock you like a sugar cane [cheers and applause] >> stephen: woo! woo! boom! woo! [cheers and applause] welcome to the show, everybody. [cheers and applause] lovely, that's lovely. thank you so much. welcome to the report begun everybody. [cheers and applause] as you can tell people are loving steve fest cobecella-011. let me start by saying -- [laughter] some of you you may understand that. folks brrk we get to the rock 'n' roll, nation, some news to touch on. nation, the republican race for 2012 is heating up. today, former obama ambassador to china. and current crest white strips after-photo jon huntsman got in the race. jim? >> i'm jon huntsman, and i'm running for president o

waste and all of us by foreign companies get to trash the bill and alter that we can't collect any more zen end of the. yes this is a problem of the much we must introduce this new concept. of either way to carry out source separation and the residents learn that we recycled will mellow everything my idea that i feel people will start to appreciate us. no one cares about us that have. to. run those stories of all they hear and then i get to come see what they've done. and my name is late this is car im an atom smashers from the sun. the rest as we would like your cooperation with our projects of source of a ration way of food waste to separate it from the other trash and. let me know so who will be collecting this separator trash me but i mean i would hope we asked the foreign companies collector to keep the trash separate day and she's the one to the last missions and this way the trash stays divided not easy so we just need to throw it out and two different bugs. but one of the many my asking reason was all to garbage bags i don't have the space in this misery for taking up your childhood

here it is your moment of zen. >> what andrew was insinuating about him with young g captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, did the world end? could be -- a lot of places were closed yesterday. [laughter] then, my guest, author james stewart has a new book about lies, which i totally read. [laughter] i just spent seven days on a boat with no showers. so i'm not sure if this is a beard or barnacles. [laughter] this is "the colbert report." ["the colb captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) [crowd chanting stephen] ahoy, land lubbers. welcome to the reporrrrrrt! [laughter] thank ye fer joining us. forgive my grizzled visage and hollow, haunted eyes, for i have just sailed seven days on the heaving breast of cruel poisedon in the 2011 charrrrleston-to-bermuda yacht race! there i be at the helm. [laughter] now i know what lies beyond the horizon's salty veil. the buffeting winds, ravenous whales as long as twelve stout men laid head to heel. don't ask me how i know. [laug

here it is, your moment of zen. >> something is not right when a newlywed is sending pornographic pictureshimse captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the report." that you can for joining us. folks, i've got to tell you. please, listen, folks, you know, people may call me old-fashioned, but to me the real news organizations are the big four-- cbs, nbc, abc, and mebc. (laughter) and as top news dog out there, i look after the rest of the pack. i give helpful advice to the on-camera talent. not many people know this, but i'm the one who suggested that sam donaldson replace his eyebrows with muskrats. (laughter) makes him seem more trustworthy that way. you know, katie couric just left the "cbs evening news" anchor chair to open, i believe a storm door company. (laughter) and last night i tuned in to the very first broadcast of the new cbs anchor ander is which you arery 21 realtor sco

here it is, your moment of zen. >> something is not right when a newlywed is sending pornographic pictures of himself captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: wow, thank you. thank you very much. welcome to the report, thank you very much. welcome to the report. good to have you with us. it was a battle for dominant there. there was someone going stephen, stephen, and then stephen, stephen over here and one person chanting stool! (cheers and applause) it's a beautiful word it just slips off the tongue. sit down. sit down. sit down, you're embarrassing yourself. lady-- ladies and gentlemen, i apologise and i will not explain. nation, nation, i never thought i would say this but i have had it up to here with anthony weiner's penis. (laughter) >> stephen: and yes, i regret putting my hand there. but this weekend more photos of the congressman were released. it's a series of self-portraits taken in the congressi

here is the moment of zen. >> lindsay grachl doesn't enjoy war. he would like everybody to come on as soon as we can. >> how many troops do you need to fight 25,000 taliban fighters? >> lindsay graha captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) >> dr pepper presents, teamfest coachella 011. (cheers and applause) ♪ ♪. >> stephen: whooo! whooo! whooo! (cheers and applause) whooo! whooo, whooo, whooo! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you so much. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thanks for joining us, folks. it is the last night of my summer concert series and of course i save the biggest name for last, me. (laughter) >> stephen: later tonight jack white and i are going to present my new hit song, so wake the kids and ask them who jack white is. (laughter) >> stephen: but first, afghanistan. last night the president addressed the nation from the east ro

here it is, your moment of zen. >> you have more evidence i think it will end the prosecution case, brian work bang so to speak to show that this was a selfish, nacaptioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ["the colbert report" theme music playing] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> dr. er presents steve fest colbechella 011. ♪ rock you like a sugar cane [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] >> stephen: thank you very much. welcome to the report. good to have you with us, everybody. [cheers and applause] i would call you nation but based on that clapping -- rhythm nation, it's the third night of my summer concert series and i am ready to rock out with my sock out-- and you know what's in my sock. [laughter] but before we get to tonight's jam-splosion, regular viewers know i've never been a fan of george w. bush. [laughter] you can check the tape. jimmy, we've destroyed the tape, right? >> yep! >> stephen: good. but i have to admit, he has made the most of his post-presidency. last night at a texas rangers game, president

here it is, your moment of zen. >> montel williams now sells weed. he's going to be here tocaptiony comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, how can republicans attract the youth vote? i say we spread the rumor that mitt romney is a sexy vampire. and then seniors face a shocking new threat, their grandchildren might not be the smartest, most talented children in the world. and keith olberman returns to television. it will be the worst interview in the world! a 99-year-old oregon man just graduated from college. ouch! terrible time to enter the job market. this is "the colbert report" captioning sponsored by comedy central ["the colbert report" theme music playing] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome to the report. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] that's nice. thank you so much, everybody. welcome to the report. please -- [cheers and applause] , please, folks, nation, with us to have you good. i'm so outraged i can't keep my sentences straights but our enemies in iran led by their

here it is, your moment of zen. [babies crying] >> you okay, baby? >> they're fighting over a bottle. >> oh, no. oh. >> oh, yeah.

here it is, your moment of zen. >> something is not right when a newlywed is sending pornographic picturesning sponsored by comedy central

your moment of zen. >> we had intended to report on five young american men lost in iraq today. implications of the 9.1% unemployment rate and the two

you've heard about guys who can reach enormous depths on a single breath in the search for a pure zen state. well, now, they are super charging that whole idea by holding propellerss between ther legs and racing. it's called formula three free diving and abc's matt gutman went to check it out. >> reporter: they go places humans shouldn't go. 60 feet under water, without oxyge oxygen. meet the fist generation of human or the bee dopes, hurtling through this race course, clinging to these 50-pound water scooters. >> free diving meets formula one meepts "top gun." >> three, two, one, go! >> reporter: this race takes free diving, diving as deep as you can on one breath, already one of the world's most deadliest sports, and turbo charges it. kurt crock, the sport's founder, calls it formula three free diving. this is the most dangerous sport in the world? >> i would say so. >> reporter: "nightline" was here exclusively at the first and only event of its kind, a gathering of the best free divers in the world. five teams -- >> gold fusion! >> r rorter: vying for a $1,000 pot. except it's not

here it is, your moment of zen. >> you have more evidence i think it will end the prosecution case, brianbang so to speak to show that this was a selfish, nacaptioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org

here it is, your moment of zen. >> something is not right when a newlywed is sending pornographic pictures of himself captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, who won the g.o.p. debate? i'd say newt gingrich. he went two hours without anyone quitting his campaign. (laughter) then is "sesame street" corrupting our children? i find out firsthand if someone would just tell me how to get there. (laughter) and my guest janney scott wrote a book about barack obama's mother. i guess her own mom must be really boring. (laughter) "spider-man" the musical finally reopens. just in time to save new york's struggling hospitals. (laughter) this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (crowd chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much. welcome to the "report," everybody. please. thank you for joining us. nation, last night all eyes were on new hampshire for the very first second republican debate. (laughter) and the candidates wast

of zen. >> a man in west virginia faces assault charges after police say he passed gas in front of the officer. [laughing] the man was already arrested for d.u.i. according to police

your moment of zen. >> we had intended to report on five young american men lost in iraq today. implications of the 9.1% unemployment rate and the two key countries on the brink, yemen and syria. that, as you just saw, played out live here on cnn changed in matter of moments. now more on the confessions of congressman anthony weiner in captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [applause] >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to "the report." thank you very much. oh, yeah, i gotcha. [audience chanting "stephen"] thank you, folks. [cheers and applause] thank you. please. thank you for joining us. good to have you with us. i'm glad you're as excited as i am because, nation, the 2012 republican presidential race is heating up faster than a slice of godfather's pizza. [laughter] mostly because former godfather's c.e.o. herman cain has fired up his liberal burning oven. they love him in new hampshire, but iowa republicans have eyes on cain, too, and not just

here it is your moment of zen. >> found a place to cool off. >> surfing the seal river. check that out. have you ever seen anything like that? >> new york city plans to feed geese to the homeless. the city will actually send the birds captured around its airports to pennsylvania to

here it is, your moment of zen. [babies crying] >> you okay, baby? >> they're fighting over a bottle. >> oh, no. oh. >> oh, yeah. >> can i get a quick picture? >> come on. captioning sponsoredy comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing )

here it is, your moment of zen. >> montel williams now sells weed. he's going to be here tocaptiony comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: tonight, how can republicans attract the youth vote? i say we spread the rumor that mitt romney is a sexy vampire. and then seniors face a shocking new threat, their grandchildren might not be the smartest, most talented children in the world. and keith olberman returns to television. it will be the worst interview in the world! aye

here it is, your moment of zen. >> a lot of people are asking why aim using plastic forks and fives that the pizza parlor gave. frankly, it was very comfortable, plus this way you can dig the top of the pizza off, you're not justcaptioning y comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh ready to go. >> stephen: tonighti congressman anthon weiner tweet lewd pictures of his fourth branch of government? [laughter] then who's riding my coattails now? i hope it's a monkey. that would be cute. and my guest, robert fm kennedy, jr., is in a new comery about mountaintop mining. he's making a mountain out of a molehill that used to be a mountain. i got rid of my beard, and let's just say the lack of carpet matches the lack of drapes. this is the "the colbert report" captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [applause] [audience chanting "stephen"] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: folks, i mean this in the nicest possible way, if i were a vampire, i would feast on your life force. welcome to "the report," everybody. good to have you with us. folks, last night i told you