even though there's a lot of recovering to do, he says the city of wayne is strong. e zen community are resilient. they are determined. and i know they're going to rebuild this community. peak winds from friday's tornado reached 170 miles per hour. the ravens are back atop the a- f-c north after beating the dolphins in miami sunday. paul gessler is live at panera in towson... where he awaits talking to ravens nation. ul-- glimpes of ravens football came to the surface agan sunday. dolphins quarterback ryan tannehill was facing heat from the ravens 'd' all afternoon. justin tucker kicked four field goals... incuding what would be theame winner. ray rice h a season- high 74 yards rushing... ...scored two touchdowns. no takeaways.... but, timely defensive plays... including an elvis dumervil sack to push the dolphins game- tyi field goal attempt back to 57 yards away. of course... it was wide left. john harbaugh... on the thousands of ravens fans in south florida... john harbaugh: "it seemed like half the stadium... i'm so proud of the baltimore ravens fans. thank you. thank you. our playe

and today our secret lies in his super zen l.a.sion that zac efron just lived because it's where a killer once lived. a killer partier! >> sean kingston lived there. he would throw these crazy raves there, people partying like chris brown andry hana. >> what are you say something and -- saying? >> i'm saying this is not the zen palace they tried to pass it off as for the recovering addict. >> well, any house with -- can be a trab -- tranquil house. >> well, maybe you're right. just look at this nice, tranquil back yard that can turn into a raging party! you have to admit this wall -- balcony is relaxing. until it's filled like this. or this lovely driveway where justin bieber's out of control car was once parked. 6 or this indoor water fountain . e living room -- oh, my god, soulja boy. he's actually harmless. but the kitchen is ridiculous. >> you're ridiculous. >> we have joe jonas. very quickly. >> are you optimistic bauer -- you're going to be able to save your band or what's going on? >> because. back story -- [laughter] >> bro

here it is your moment of zen. >> they've had over 8 million hits, people tried to sign up and so far they have people in the single digits. >> i'm not exactly clear what you mean b captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to the report, everybody, thank you for joining us. wow! right here. thank you so much. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you. folks, what you are saying to me right now, you make me feel like joshua an we're going to tear down the walls of injury cotonight. now nation, it is day three of the government shutdown and it is a critical moment in our nation's history. and not just because yogurt left by furloughed federal workers are passing their expiration date. now it's also because yesterday the president invited congressional leaders from both sides to the white house. >> i have to tell you, speaker boehner just came out even though it was a relatively long

(woman) the roots of shakuhachi music lie in zen meditative practice.f buddhism--they believe playing the shakuhachi, playing even a single tone, was a means or vehicle for enlightenment. [soft flute plays] shakuhachi has such a palette of different color sounds. for example, if we want a very strong round sound, more like a western flute, very hard-edged sound, we have [hard-edged flute sound] very, more strong kind of shakuhachi sound. then we also want a very airy sound so the same kind of [airy flute sounds] (narrator) when another instrument and voice are added to the shakuhachi, what kind of texture results? (hahn) when shakuhachi plays with the ensemble, with koto and with vocalist, these kinds of lines together are heterophonic in nature. the same melody is being played, but there are little nuances partular to each instrument. so the koto might play a line that sinks down [sings example] like this. shakuhachi, they may not play in that kind of ornamentation, that kind of subtlety, so we might play just an introductory note to the phrase, where

here it is your moment of zen. >> at this clinton global initiative bono had fun with president clintonhen i first met bono he walked into the oval office and i actually thought it was ["daily show" theme song playing] ♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ bender: "free beer"?! (panting) free beer. free beer. free beer. free beer. free beer-beer-beer-beer-beer- beer-beer-beer-beer-beer! free...! (birds squawk) (grunts)

your moment of zen. >> let me get this straight you're asking me if it's hard to get laid off of a job i've held since 19 fricking 44. >> yeah, yeah. >> is that what are you asking me. >> i this that is what i asked you, yeah. >> let me ask you a captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome toot report. thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you so much. nation, thank you for joining me in here, out there, all around the world. mr. and mrs. america. nation, you know it is day 10 of the government shutdown. you know what day 10. let me actually just add that to my frequent shutdown punch card here. right there. oh, hey! i win a free c.d.c. ebola morningy. all right, that's fantastic. now, folks, tonight, tonight, there are dramatic new developments in the obama-boehner shutdown debt ceiling tag team death match. there has evidently been some progress in that they have found new things to completely disagree about. all right, that, information, that is the big news. but i've o

here it is your moment of zen. >> a new poll came out what do you have a higher opinion of congress or dog poop. you have a higher opinion of congress or dog poop. >> will the ♪ two... two, three... ♪ (gasping) run, leela! they're bouncing right at us. (angry yelling) so, anybody hungry? i could stuff myself. i'll use that free app that tells what restaurants you're near. you mean the window? yes. (horn honking) i am lrrr, ruler of the planet omicron persei 8! i demand extra dipping sauce! how many? i don't know. two? (tires squealing) (static) welcome to fishy joe's.

here it is your moment of zen. >> this is a rather large basin and here is the -- your heart, normal heart but basically about the size of two fists clamped together like this, maybe a little bit smaller and it's a (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. good have you with us, ladying and gentlemen. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you, please, nation, sit down! thank you so much! folks, good to have you with us. folks, i got, it's not always this way but tonight that chanting was as crisp as an october morning. (laughter) nation, i'm back from my vacation. hi a great time. i spent it screaming obscenities at park rangers. (laughter) and of course the big story while i was gone is the end of the government shutdown. (cheers and applause) now congress can get back to the important work of government gridlock. (laughter) the shutdown cost the economy $24 billion and caused china to lower our credit rating to a minus, or

here it is your moment of zen. >> they've had over 8 million hits, people tried to sign up and so farey have people in the single digits. >> i'm not exactly clear what you mean b >> stephen: tonight, did a congressional candidate violate election laws? even more shocking, we have election laws? (laughter) then, twitter prepares for its i.p.o. hashtag: i don't know what an i.p.o. is. (laughter) my guest tom hanks stars in the new film "captain phillips." he's a hero who saves the

here it is your moment of zen. >> they've had o

here it is your moment of zen. >> you will negotiate with iran but you won't make a call to the leaders of the house? i mean that doesn't mean anything. >> i >> stephen: tonight, is marijuana legalization here to say, or is it just crashing on our couple for a while? then, holiday horrors-- it wasn't magic in that old silk hat they found. it was a human head. and my guest, paul giamatti, stars in a new film "parkland" about the kennedy assassination. i haven't seen it yet, so no spoilers. a new wifi tea kettle will text you when your water boils. the text reads, ," why the hell did you leave your house with the kettle on." this is the "colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report. thai. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! steepen. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you for joining us. all right, folks. hello, ladies and gentlemen. ladies and gentlemen, in the television viewing audience, if you only know what these people have been through tonight. ( laughte

here it is your moment of zen. >> they've had over 8 million hits, people tried to sign up and so farey have people in the single digits. >> i'm not exactly clear what you mean b ♪ chappelle's show, chappelle's show ♪ ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ow! ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! ♪ whoo-hoo! ♪ yeah, yeah. [♪...] let's start the show. [♪...] [cheering and applause] announcer: dave chappelle! oh, wow... man. welcome, welcome to the chappelle show, everybody. thanks for coming out, man, i am your, um, host. [laughs] [laughter]

here it is your moment of zen. >> voter registration is the most important undertaking now.can't get a 35-year-old to teach the republican party to get the young people. you can't rely u a. tonight a new way to eat ont. tracheotomies aren't just for breathing anymore. then it's christmas gift season. i know who's been naughty, who's been nice, and thanks to the n.s.a., everything else. ( laughter ) and my guest, a. scott berg, the pulitzer prize-winning author with a new biography on woodrow

here it is your moment of zen. >> they've had over 8 million hits, people tried to sign up and so farhey have people in the single digits. >> i'm not exactly clear what you mean b captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! welcome to the report, everybody, thank you for joining us. wow! right here. thank you so much. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, s

here it is your moment of zen. >> this is a rather large basin and here is the -- your heart, normal heart but basically about the size of two fists clamped together like this, maybe a little bit smaller and it's a

here it is your moment of zen. >> voter registration is the most important undertaking now.ou can't get a 35-year-old to teach the republican party to get the young people. you can't rely u a. tonight a new way to eat ont. tracheotomies aren't just for

>> yes, i have a 9-year-old son named zen. >> do you want him to be part of the hollywood?ace is covered and distorted. you can't -- he's never been on front in the red carpet, none of that. i keep him far, far away from him. if he's 18 and says i want to be in the movie business, i'll support you. [ applause ] >> thank you so much for being here. >> he's doing a book signing of his new book tonight in the city. the strand. at 7:00 did you say? >> 7:00. >> very nice to meet you. >> thank you. god bless you. >> we're going to reveal o [ telephone rings ] good evening, this is flo. [laughs] yes, i'm that flo. aren't you sweet! licensed phone-ups available 24/7. call 1-800-progressive. i'm snding with tabitha cartwright. an independent business owner from dallas, texas. she's my audience eye candy of the day. >> thank you. >> your figure is dynamite. tell me about your jacket. >> my blacklet her blazer i got for $99. my blue crop top is $17. my black and white skirt $59. steve madden shoes. got them on sale for $80. got them on sale for $80. >>> go! it's back. olive garden's b

here it is your moment of zen. >> voter registration is the most important undertaking now.ou can't get a 35-year-old to teach the republican party to get the young people. you can't rely u >> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on the internet today. (laughter) that horse noted something odd. this is apparently called horse burlesque. i'm weirded out but i got kind of a boner watching it. this was blown 6-blowing up vimeo today, that's film school students and people who want to see tune ed ted version of "blurred lines." horse burr lofk is exactly what you think it is and it was sad, one of the dancers stepped in a gofer hole and they had to shooter. (audience reacts) comedians, please come up with a better name for this video than horse burlesque.

here it is your moment of zen. >> a new poll came out what do you have a higher opinion of congress or dog poop. >> will the >> stephen: tonight, did a congressional candidate violate election laws? even more shocking, we have election laws? (laughter) then, twitter prepares for its i.p.o. hashtag: i don't know what an i.p.o. is. (laughter) my guest tom hanks stars in the new film "captain phillips." he's a hero who saves the day using a particular type of screwdriver. the congressional business center is still open during the shutdown. wow! it is really hard to get out of a gym membership. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! (audience chanting "stephen") whoo! whoo! welcome to the "report," everybody! good to have you with us in here, out there, all around the world. ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, as you know it is day nine of the government shutdown and you know what they say: no news is good news -- so -- good news. (laughter) yesterday obama actually held another hour-long

here it is your moment of zen.say fox news special presentation of the cost of freedom. ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody! good to have you with us! (audience nt

here it is your moment of zen. >> voter registration is the most important undertaking now. you can't get a 35-year-old to teach the republican party to get the young people. you can't rely u a. tonight a new way to eat ont. tracheotomies aren't just for breathing anymore. then it's christmas gift season. i know who's been naughty, who's been nice, and thanks to the n.s.a., everything else. ( laughter ) and my guest, a. scott berg, the pulitzer prize-winning author with a new biography on woodrow wilson. two million for lincoln, one for wilson. research version developed a breathalyzer for marijuana. and it's already been turned into a bong. this is the "colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you very much. stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. ( cheers and applause ) y thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. i don't know what it is. i don't know what it is about this audience. ( chee

it led to two civil lawsuits zens aldon smith and now the district attorney deciding to file three serious felonies. >> h ewill self-sur rebder later this month and there will be a court date set. >> the district attorney charged alcharged aldon smith with serious felonies. >> we're grateful none of these weapons

here it is your moment of zen. >> this is a rather large basin and here is the -- your heart, normal heart but basically about the size of two fists clamped together like this, maybe a little bit smaller and it's a a. tonight a new way to eat ont. tracheotomies aren't just for breathing anymore. then it's christmas gift season. i know who's been naughty, who's been nice, and thanks to the n.s.a., everything else. ( laughter ) and my guest, a. scott berg,

here it is your moment of zen. >> you will negotiate with iran but you won't make a call to the leaders of the house? i mean that doesn't mean anything. >> i captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," ladies and gentlemen! thank you so much! good to have you with us! (audience chanting "stephen"). (cheers and applause) thank you so much. ladies and gentlemen, i don't know how you knew it, i don't know how you possibly knew it, but that is my favorite christmas carol. (laughter) folks, good to have you with us. this could be the greatest night of my life because thanks to the government being unable to agree on a resolution to fund itself, the government will shut down at midnight. jimmy? put up the countdown clock! (cheers and applause) that's all right. that's all right. never learned somehow-to-set that thing. hold down one of these buttons and i push that. i've got to call my nephew, have him come over. (laughter) anyway, trust me, we are counting down tonight. just look all over cab

here it is your moment of zen. >> a new poll came out what do you have a higher opinion of congress or dog poop. >> will the >> stephen: tonight, is marijuana legalization here to say, or is it just crashing on our couple for a while? then, holiday horrors-- it wasn't magic in that old silk hat they found. it was a human head. and my guest, paul giamatti, stars in a new film "parkland" about the kennedy assassination. i haven't seen it yet, so no spoilers. a new wifi tea kettle will text you when your water boils. the text reads, ," why the hell did you leave your house with the kettle on." this is the "colbert report.

here it is your moment of zen. >> there's new and definitive evidence tonight that americans have wa

here is your moment of zen. >> it is a very limited economic impact from this shutdown. >> right. >>n't know how many millions of dollars a day it is costing but it is not that big of a deal. >> the cost of all of this you might be wondering, well it is estimated to captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ double time, soldier. i want this ice fishing operation up and running by 0800 hours. (shivers) it's too cold, dad. my teen region is freezing off. (blows raspberry) you don't know what cold is. i once survived an entire week trapped in a swiss glacier, eating nothing but frozen neanderthal. to this day i can't stand the taste of early hominid. (groans) let's just get inside the shack. hold, maggot! ow! remember the code of the ice: thick and blue, tried and true; thin and crispy, way too risky. shows what you know. crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky. aah! help, i'm drowning! (blubbering) don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

here it is your moment of zen. >> a new poll came out what do you have a higher opinion of congress or dog poop. >> will the >> stephen: tonight, is marijuana legalization here to say, or is it just crashing on our couple for a while? then, holiday horrors-- it wasn't magic in that old silk hat they found. it was a human head. and my guest, paul giamatti, stars in a new film "

>> jon: that's our show, join us tomorrow at 11:00, here is your moment of zen. >> i'm going to i is a for the last time that the gentlemen on the left be removed and ask the officer to remove. if i see one pore example of that, i will ask you all to be removed. >> stephen: tonight, a new threat to your marriage! the old threat was replaced by a younger one. (laughter) then, how is technology changing t.v. news? tweet me your thoughts with hashtag "pointless tweeting." (laughter) and my guest, jack andraka, is a 16-year-old who invented an early test for pancreatic cancer-- but you enjoy that bumper sticker for making honor roll. (laughter) there's a global wine shortage. great, now people in book clubs will actually have to read. this is "the colbert report"! (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen"). >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody, good to have you with us. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) thank you so much. please, ladies and gentlemen. sit down, folks. you know, i like giving you good news but i'm afraid it's sad to say this c

here it is your moment of zen. >> guns for the blind. the stage is granting gun permits permrm >> tonight, certain americans find a new source of income, did you know the pawnshop will also accept your neighbor's bike? then when is it okay to plagiarize other people's work? quoth the raven, nevermore. and my guest tonight is former two term poet laureate of the united states, billy collins. i will ask him if he's met that guy from nantucket. the jonas brothers have announced they are breaking up. yoko! >> this is the colbert report! >> captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) [ cheers and applause ] >> colbert: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us. >> ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us. in there, out there. all over the world! [ cheers and applause ] >> colbert: thank you. thank you, folks. i mean this sincerely. i want to send out a greeting to all of the canadians out there waiting for surgery. please take a number. please take a number and bite on a stick or s

here it is your moment of zen. >> there's new and definitive evidence tonight that americans have wa >> it is 11:59 and 59 seconds. this happened on the internet today. that is an artist in brooklyn pouring milk over herself while reciting poetry. because... brooklyn. ( laughter ) comedianes, please tweet as a member of that audience right there. kyle kinane. >> finally a poeet that knows enough to baeft herself before putting her head in the oven. >> deon cole. >> all that milk is going to make those kit kitties soggy. >> it's brooklyn, so the milk is local. tom. >> party got great when the giant box of cocoa puffs came out. >> it's time for "@midnight." captioning sponsored by comedy central welcome to "@midnight." belching up the acid of social media from the peptic ulcer of p

here is your moment of zen. >> it is a very limited economic impact from this shutdown. >> right. >> i don't know how many millions of dollars a day it is costing but it is not that big of a deal. >> the cost of all of this you might be wondering, well it is estimated to captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) hey! thank you so much! welcome to the "report,"! thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen! thank you so much. thank you, folks, thank you for being here. thank you for braving the marauding gangs and packs of wild dogs that now rule the night in ama!

here it is your moment of zen. >> a new poll came out what do you have a higher opinion of congress or dog poop. >> will the - [clears throat] hey, buddy. - hey, my dude. what's going on, man? - okay, we got the-- - it's good to see-- i'm sorry, i'm talking at the same time as you. - okay, go ahead. - you go ahead and talk. i'm sorry, go ahead. - no, it's all right, i-- - [stammers] - go-- - are you talking right now? - yeah, i'm trying to-- - go ahead. - all right, this is-- - go ahead. - okay, go ahead. - try to not--um-- - i'm just--i'm gonna talk and you just keep--okay. - no, it's you. - i'm sorry. - no. all right, i'll go... - it's just that my internet connection's a little weak--ugh. - and then you just--gosh. - are you talking right now? - i'm--no. - are you talking right now? - i think--i can't tell if it's a delay-- - god damn it. - [bleep]. - okay. - you go first, and speak... - i'll talk, and then you start--no. - and then--no. - w-what's that? - what? wait. what? [bleep]! - god damn it! - i can't [bleep] believe this. not today! - you got to be kidding me! - not [bleep] t

here is your moment of zen. >> it is a very limited economic impact from this shutdown. >> right. >> i don't know how many millions of dollars a day it is costing but it is not that big of a deal. >> the cost of all of this you might be wondering, well it is estimated to captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org captioning sponsored by comedy central

here it is, your moment of zen. >> we are going to let these, this world war ii vet used as political pawns that is why we showed up. >> we're trying to protect captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> stephen: how to end the government shutdown. i think if you hold down texas and maine at the same time, it automatically reboots. ( laughter ) he is the same age of their average viewer. and by guest chris matthews is the host of msnbc's "hardball." incidentally, "hardball--" not covered under obamacare. ( laughter ) the new york city opera is closing. it isn't over until the fat lady doesn't sing. this is the "colbert report. ( cheers and applause ). captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. good to have you with us. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thank you for being in here, out there, all around the world. ladies and gentlemen, i only have one question fo

here it is your moment of zen. >> they've had over 8 million hits, people tried to sign up and so farhey have people in the single digits. >> i'm not exactly clear what you mean b - welcome back. we're here talking with all-star shooting guard charlie sanders about his amazing career. now charlie, you grew up in a tough neighborhood, didn't you? - that's right. drugs, violence. my whole life, i had to deal with adversity. - and that continued when you went on to the pros? - that's right. you know, fines, injuries, everything. no matter how big a star i am, i'm always gonna be dealing with adversity. - adversity johnson, what's your take on this? - i don't know, girl. i just like [bleep] with him. just like, eh. - ah! come on, adversity. - deal with me, dog! [laughs] [loud slap] - [groans] - [laughs maniacally] i said, "deal with me!" - always. wherever we go, it's-- come on, no, don't. don't drink my water. don't drink my water. adversity, leave me some. leave me a sip. leave me a sip. damn, come on, man. [loud slap] aah! - deal with me! [laughs] - this--he doesn't-- i'm sorry. no, he