bolding is a love like zen and the art of marjorie you know before you even throw the ball the pins are down it's how your mind is set plus using if you're paying attention to your credit your comfort on this it really larry king of the world with the colors a sudden resolve oh no go back you believe you know all next on larry king now. we're in a place of my boy well brooklyn they used to travel up the hill and i did visit central park trump of course blocked the view looking for a little have a nice one anyway of the park and the with one of my favorite people the terrific that the jet bridges academy award when he stars in this summer's r i v day it opens this friday night he's opposite ryan reynolds r i b d stands for rest in peace police department right wrist and peace department rest in peace the part some people are calling it ripped rick. what do you make of this film i don't know what to make it is totally a crazy crazy crazy movie yeah sorry i like to make those a caged especially at summer time gives them some people to chortle at is it fun to do oh yeah especially when

here it is your moment of zen. >> and this is your moment of zen. ♪ ♪ [ applause ] [cheers and applausetephen: tonight is santa claus an american, well, he is fat and wears a velvet track suit. then a shocking taste of government waste. there is nothing wrong with the old hampshire. and my guest is keanu reeves who stars in the new samurai movie "47 ronin", oh, three more and he can get the free "ronin". stock tores say an apple a day may prevent heart attack, if only there were some sort of rhyme to remember that. this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause)

i'm actually way more zen than i thought i would be.ce we are in there, things will change. >> reporter: it's interesting because this movie, it's a very powerful film. it's a very important film. it's a tough film to watch, especially some of the scenes with you and sarah pallson and you and michael fassbender. when you're shooting those, of course it's acting. how did you all deal with the brutality of it all? did you take a moment after filming and just kind of talk to each other or realize we got to remember this is acting? >> no. we never had to do that because i guess we all knew that we had to do this. it was our responsibility and our privilege to play these roles. we had to go all the way in order for it to work. we never talked about it, but we did have rituals. like just check-ins. i remember with michael, we'd check in, you know, with a look and a squeeze of the hand right before we did it. then another one after we did it. >> i know one of the scenes that sticks with me is just the look in your eye when you're being raped b

here it is your moment of zen. >> got some legal weed. >> my plans are basically to pick up a quarter [crowd cheering] >> stephen: thank you. thank you, thank you so much. [crowd chanting] >> stephen: thank you. thank you ladies and gentlemen. i appreciate all that energy because this country remains in the grip of the polar vortex. [laughter] but today has brought new york temperatures in the single digits, and wind chills of why doesn't colbert make his way outside. [crowd cheering] put some hair on your chest. of course, science tells us that if it ever gets cold global warming isn't real. [laughter] that's not just me folks that's noted climate ologist donald trump about this global warming [bleep] this is one thing trump knows it's expensive [bleep] [laughter] one day at below average temperatures doesn't make you question climate change maybe one minute of fox and friends will. >> wait until you hear how much al gore's books is selling for right now. >> these a picture that's now circulating on twitter, you can see this right here and it shows the price of the book on the so cal

here it is your moment of zen. >> i want to be clear to say to the folks i'm not saying president obama is the anti-christ. i'm sure he is not because the ♪ ♪ >> stephen colbert reports the colbert book club. tonight's selection. >> a farewell to arms by earnest hemingway. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome, everybody. thank you for joining me. thank you, ladies and gentlemen. >> audience: stephen! [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for being here tonight. in here, out there, joining me for the and historic third edition of the colbert book club. i started as a tribute to and copy write infringement pop my deer friend oprah winfrey. as everyone knows oprah gives me things. sweaters, avocados, or cease and desist letters. previous installments of the colbert book club include "the great gatsby" and anything but "catcher and the rye." they're wonderful shows filled with thoughtful literary analysis. none of which i can remember because i was [beep] on chardonnay. tonight, tonight is a special night.

it's your moment of zen. >> new developments in the vandalism case involving justin bieber. >> had toer a hard boiled detective for that. captioning sponsored by comedy central >> hey, look at that. well come to the report, everybody, good to have you with us. >> stephen, sthe

here it is your moment of zen. >> this is the future that remains to be won, and it will be won. captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welt come to the report, everybody, thank you so much, good to you have with us. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. oh, oh, you can tell these people-- thank you, folks. let me-- folks, i got a very important question to ask every single person in here and watching out there in america and around the world. are you ready for some foot and ball! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: i don't blame folks, because this year they are playing the game right here in the heart of new york city, east rutherford, new jersey. that's right. the excellent contest of top yardage is coming to my home turf and i cannot wait until the best team from one side meets the best team from another side. and runs to the most points of victory. (applause) i can hear you. folks, i can hear you o

here it is your moment of zen. ♪ >> what was the real wrecking ball 2013? chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ow! ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! ♪ whoo-hoo! ♪ yeah, yeah. [♪...] [cheering and applause] man: ladies and gentlemen, dave chappelle! thank you all. thank you, folks. uh, tonight you've tuned in on a very special night. you know, now that the show's becoming successful-- people are writing about it in the papers-- the only thing more spectacular than our success is our failures. tonight, i will show you some of the craziest things we have tried to get away with and didn't succeed. [dave laughs] and these are old sketches, we actually went out, we shot these sketches-- i didn't make this idea up. this is a crazy, uh... well, you'll see, as we go along. but this is a good thing about black people. we are just the best at taking lemons and making lemonade. this is a skill that black people have been down with. they gave us the worst part of pigs and we said, "we're gonna call 'em chitlins, put some hot sauce on the nigga,

[laughter] here it is your moment of zen. >> well, hello there tall drink of water.le. >> happy new year. >> say something to the nation.

here it is your moment of zen. >> this is what they do every single time, anderson.nowstorm. they end up having a snowball fight. hundreds of students outs here. [ laughter ] (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you for joining us, ladies and gentlemen. >> stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen. thanks so much. you know, folks, thank

here it is your moment of zen. >> got some legal weed. >> my plans are basically to pick up a quarter

[laughter] here it is your moment of zen. >> well, hello there tall drink of water.ople. >> happy new year. >> say something to the nation. >> we've got five minutes of 2014 and we're going to

[laughter] here it is your moment of zen. >> well, hello there tall drink of water.ople. >> happy new year. >> say something to the nation. >> we've got five minutes of 2014 and we're going to >> tonight, hang on, hold on, i got t i got it, i gotcha, here we go. (cheers and applause) wait, wait a second. hold on, here we go. here we go

here it is your moment of zen. >> i actually. >> i want to say political character. can i just say this. >> then i need to talk. i don't get it and i doesn't look -- i'm not done. it's a part of her diar >> tonight new advances in cap follow punishment. when will they finally find a vaccine against lethal injection. then how to become a saint.

[laughter] here it is your moment of zen. >> well, hello there tall drink of water.ople. >> happy new year. >> say something to the nation. >> we've got five minutes of 2014 and we're going to - everyone knows our target audience... is 18 to 34-year-old males. but how do we hit that target? - how? - how? by relying on market testing? no. - [scoffs] no. - by trusting our gut? no. we need more. lars. and so for the past six months, we have been developing a prototype that combines all of our target viewers into one composite viewer. ladies and gentlemen, the future of television. [thudding] a fully functional 18 to 34-year-old male. - pizza. - let's give them a little demonstration of how he works. [tv turns on] [upbeat music] - [robot beeps] [all applaud] - he loves it. [seductive music] [moaning] [robot beeps] he likes it. that's a hit. - uh, george, if i may? i've been working on a little show myself and i gave it to lars and, well, i'm curious to see what the demo monster thinks about it. i think he's gonna love it. - oh. it'll be a true test. - fell pretty good ab

here it is your moment of zen. ♪ >> what was the real wrecking ball 2013? our n

here it is your moment of zen. >> in colorado where marijuana is legal thieves have been selling the 420 mile marker on interstate 70 so often >> tonight did we life iraq too soon or did we not start our third war there early enough. then a new breakthru in marketing. i'll tell you about it after an unskipable 30 minute ad. and my guest david fanning is the eck difficult producer of pbs's investigative news program frontline, dammit, i said i wouldn't pledge, now they're coming to my office. the new ford 5150 is made of 97% aluminum which means it's lighter but you can't put it in the microwave. this is the colbert report. captioning sponsored by comedy central

here it is your moment of zen. ♪ >> what was the real wrecking ball 2013?wo... two, three... ♪ ♪ well, what'll it be, folks? tap water or bottled? whatever. kif, you pick. oh, oh, it's always so hard to decide. um, uh, tap. i mean bottled. bam! ooh, i love your boots, leela. nobody would ever guess they're knockoffs. how could you tell? i guessed. (imitates cat's yowl) they're at it again. please, fry. girlfriends always talk trash to each other. like how i might say i like amy's dress 'cause it covers all her tramp stamps. (yowls) knock it off, fry. it's when women are polite to each other that you know there's a problem. exactly. now, enough about who is and who isn't a chinese skank. we're just two happy couples on a double date. (screeching yowl)

here it is your moment zen. >> you've been watching hannity for us every night now for five months. >h. [ laughter ] >> jon: you are 23 years old? >> i will be 23 next month. abraham lincoln is my name. rebuilding the party captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody! (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen")

here it is your moment of zen. >> this is what they do every single time, anderson.there's a huge snowstorm. they end up having a snowball fight. hundreds of students outs here. [ laughter ] ♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ good news, everyone! well? what is it? what is what? oh! right! ladies and gentlemen, we'll be delivering this mysterious crate to peebles alpha. peebles alpha? the planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? ooh! let's go! let's go! let's go! hang on. if we're delivering a package to criminals, i want to know what's in it.

here it is your moment of zen. i said before i think a speech by bara test. >> stephen: whooo!

here it is your moment of zen. >> happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy

here it is your moment of zen. >> i actually. >> i want to say political character. can i just say this. >> then i need to talk. i don't get it and i doesn't look -- i'm not done. it's a part of her diar ♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ (applause) as mayor, it is my deeply tedious pleasure to kick off the 83rd or 84th annual e-waste recycling festival! (cheering) down in front! sorry. i get aroused in crowds. i will now throw out the ceremonial first dump-- this old, inefficient vote rigger! (cheering) these old doomsday devices are dangerously unstable. i'll rest easier not knowing where they are.

it's your moment of zen. >> new developments in the vandalism case involving justin bieber. >> had toend over a hard boiled detective for that. ♪ chappelle's show, chappelle's show ♪ ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ chappelle's show ♪ ow! ♪ whoo-hoo-hoo! ♪ whoo-hoo! ♪ yeah, yeah. [♪...] let's start the show. [♪...] when the baby was born, i promised karen i'd quit smoking. but i didn't know how. well, that's when a friend of mine recommended o'dweeds. it's the first brand of marijuana with no t.h.c. so, it's like o'douls, but for weed. now, i can get that full reefer aroma... without any of the guilt. [♪...] [bong gurgling] shotgun, little buddy.

here it is, your moment of zen. >> people are holding tickets that match the winning numbers in the $636ion mega millions drawing. >> let's go from the best of luck to the worst of fate, it's still not clear why a gunman walked into a medical buildi captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ two... two, three... ♪ ♪ bender: "free beer"?! (panting) free beer. free beer. free beer. free beer. free beer-beer-beer-beer-beer- beer-beer-beer-beer-beer! free...! (birds squawk) (grunts) (people scream) (grunts) hello. i'm here for the free beer. you got it. right after these 800 people get it. beer, beer-beer, beer-beer. ("stars and stripes forever" plays) beer? ah... yeah! (cheers, applause) thank you, headless clone of agnew. my fellow earthicans, i'm proud to announce i'm running for reelection as president of earth, the greatest planet in the world. (cheering) is everyone enjoying their free beer? (cheering)

in the ten years we had to put him on the show with it weeks ago to get this moment of zen.m going to order it right now. >> jon: that was fast, thank you so much, sir. very kind of you, sir. no, captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report. thank you. >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, steph

here it is your moment of zen. >> i actually. >> i want to say political character. i just say this. >> then i need to talk. i don't get it and i doesn't look -- i'm not done. it's a part of her diar - we need to pull together as a team and get this product to the client tonight. - karen, i've got plans tonight with my-- - frank, cancel your plans. [train whistle blows] - karen? karen? [train whistle blows] [train whistle blows] [train whistle blows] [train whistle blows] [train whistle blows] [train whistle blows] [dramatic music] ♪ [train crossing bell ringing]

[laughter] here it is your moment of zen. >> well, hello there tall drink of water.e. >> happy new year. >> say something to the nation. >> we've got five minutes of 2014 and we're going to >> tonight a new breakthru in medicine, a pill that doesn't give you a boner. then america is enveloped in record cold, luckily americans are enveloped in record fat. and my guest author ishmael beah was a child soldier, still better adjusted than a child actor. happy birthday to north korea's kim jung-un, please accept our gift of dennis rodman. no returns. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central

here it is your moment of zen. >> in colorado where marijuana is legal thieves have been selling the 420 mile marker on interstate 70 so often >> tosh.0 features videos from the internet. we discourage anyone from attempting these. enjoy! [laughter] [cheers & applause] >> laughter is the best medicine next to oxicontin. [laughter] welcome to tosh.0. [cheers & applause] i am your host, daniel tosh. i'm aware this show is not for everyone. if funny jokes are not your cup of tea, then maybe you should just keep watching "rules of engagement." [laughter] on tonight's episode, the greatest actor you've never heard of. brian atene, stops by. i seek out my own golden voiced hobo. and we take a long hard look at black twitter.

here it is your moment of zen. >> i actually. >> i want to say political character.can i just say this. >> then i need to talk. i don't get it and i doesn't look -- i'm not done. it's a part of her diar >> tonight new advances in cap follow punishment. when will they finally find a vaccine against lethal injection. then how to become a saint. you need a leper, a spare arm and hot glu gun and my guest journalist scott stossel says-- are winners, i don't know if i'm a winner which means i am. over 1.7 million towns of velveeta products recalled from kraft for mislabeled ingreddiants. they accidentally called it cheese. this is the colbert report.

here it is your moment of zen. i said before i think a speech oh, god! [screams] [panting] run! are you guys?! [screams] [frank groans] what's happening?! over here! over here! - where are you? - frank! - charlie! - oh, my god! - [all shouting] - over here. we're all here?! we're all here?! guys! [siren whoops] [man on p.a.] stop! stop where you are! you four got some explaining to do.

here it is your moment of zen. >> just one word try it. now you know half the song. now sing it. ♪ ♪ [crowd cheering] >>> stephen: welcome. thank you so much. thank you so much ladies and gentlemen. as you can tell from the colbert nation march is on the victory again tonight. folks it is night two of my coverage what for legal reasons i'm calling su superb all 48. the same way i cover hockey's championship, the stand lee cup. [laughter] folks we all know football's america's sport but my beloved gridiron is under attack. >> roger goodell said t legal is considering a proposal that would eliminate points. >> why are we debating the merits of the extra points. >> an example of the nfl can't helping themselves. they've got to change every f-ing year. >> stephen: yes, every f-ing year. first they changed the field goal from 4 points to 3 points in 1909. and now this. when will it end. [laughter] folks it's not just the extra points. there's talk the kick off will eventually be eliminated. come on, how can you, i agree, how can you even call it if nobody touches the ball

here it is your moment of zen. >> happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you.irthday dear marshall, happy birthday to captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause)