Previously on Dawson's Creek.
How's it going? Billy Conrad.
Billy's just an old friend of mine from New York.
Is he really just a friend
or is he something more than that?
I hear Jen's ex has been lurking around Capeside.
You're really, really enjoying the fact
that Jen's ex is in town, aren't you?
I'm not one to get in the way of true love.
Goodbye, Billy.
You can't just come into town.
Make me fall for you, and then...
I need to try life on my own.
For a while.
Dawson. The neighbor girl dumped you.
No one died. Just get over it.
48 hours ago.
I don't think I've exceeded the statute of limitations on angst.
It's not a matter of time, Dawson. It's a matter of degree.
I mean, you haven't eaten,
and you stare at Jen's house like it's going to disappear.
And I've seen you at school--you spy. It's twisted.
I'm almost afraid to ask what movie you brought back tonight.
Sid and Nancy.
See?
See, your problem is that you're getting off on this.
Well, sorry, Joey.
It's tough to come up with creative moping strategies
once I realized that everything I'm about
is exactly what turned her off.
It's not like I can... Learn to dance or get a new haircut or something.
Dawson, she dumped you, not your belief system.
She rejected romance, honesty, and respect.
Every time I see Billy outside of her house, I'm reminded of that.
Yeah, well, everything reminds you of her.
Yeah.
Dawson, you've known the girl for 3 months.
How can everything possibly remind you of her?
I don't know, Joey. I can't explain it.
It just does.
Fine. Let's just watch the movie,
this conversation is becoming far too disturbing.
Hey, Grams, have you seen my green shirt?
I--I think it needs ironing.
Oh, yes, dear, I thought I saw it in your closet.
Oh!
You left it on the dresser.
Jennifer, would you come up here now, please,
and bring the telephone?
And you would be?
Quite comfortable, thanks.
I want a name.
Billy.
Billy. Oh--oh, yes, I've heard about you before.
Ok, I got the phone--
What the hell are you doing here?
Word's out you dropped Dawson,
so I just thought you might be looking for a suitable replacement.
Well, if he's not out of my house in 2 minutes,
I'm calling The National Guard.
And then I would like a serious word with you.
Great to meet you.
I thought you were leaving.
You know, my car was packed, and--and I really was, Jenny.
But then word trickled down,
and I thought it might be in my best interest
to stick around a little longer.
Well, then why don't I clarify things for you?
Just because Dawson and I are on hiatus
doesn't mean there's some vacancy I'm looking to fill.
Let's just say there happened to be this guy.
Some guy you had a... Intense connection with.
Well, then I might think you'd be open to the possibility, right?
I'd have to say no.
But I'd also like to add "not a chance" and "never again."
You used to be fun, you know that?
No. I used to be weak and vulnerable.
Yeah, well, next time you alter your personality,
let me know in advance.
It'll save me in gas money.
You know, I'm beginning to doubt your sincerity
when you tell me you're leaving.
Hey, just the man I was looking for.
What can I provide you with this time, Billy?
A place to stay?
Or just another chance to completely screw up my life?
You know, despite outward appearances,
you and I actually have a lot in common.
Right.
We've both got our hearts broken by the same girl,
but you know what?
Jen didn't flee the state
to get away from me.
Give her time.
And, man, if I lived 50 yards away from her,
I swear to you, I'd go insane.
I'd stare up at her window, wondering what she's doing.
She's talking on the phone. Who is she talking to?
And if she's listening to music,
who do those songs remind her of?
Does she still think about me?
And if so, does she think about me half as much as I think about her?
See what I mean? Common ground.
But the good news is,
there's a simple cure for all this.
Yeah? What's that?
Now don't get me wrong. Jen is a great girl,
but last time I checked, she wasn't the only one.
What are you, unconvinced?
Look, take a little ride with me
and let me illustrate my point.
Take a ride where?
Providence.
There's this club there. It's a bit of a dive, but...
Absolutely remarkable in one respect.
It lies exactly equidistant between a pair of women's colleges.
Coeds wall to wall, Dawson.
Well, can I get in? I'm not exactly legal.
I know the bouncer.
Of course, there's school.
And what's waiting for you there?
Another day wondering about Jenny?
Where she is, when you'll see her next,
what football player is she having lunch with?
You made your point.
And you know what? You're right.
This is exactly what I need: To get away from her, to get away from here.
You know what?
She's gonna freak when I'm not there.
It'd be good to let her wonder about me for a while.
There you go.
Hey...Warren Gary.
I'm on my way to school. You need a lift?
Ah, no, thanks.
I'm waiting for Ted Bundy.
Well, Ted's a lucky man.
Ted Bundy is dead. He was a serial...
Killer. Yeah, I know.
Executed in Florida. Claimed porn made him do it.
So, come on, what do you say? I need the merit badge.
And which badge is that?
Community service.
I'm going to say you were 80...and blind.
Well, I'm sure you'll be an eagle scout before the end of the day.
Exactly. So what do you say? Come on.
Help me out here.
So, is the air cold, or are you just happy to see me?
You had to do it. You had to live up to the expectations.
Does it bother you to know that you single-handedly perpetuate a stereotype?
Uh...
Which answer means we get friendly down in the sand together?
You know, if--if having sex with you would end famine, disease, and war,
and if kissing you would bring on a new age of enlightenment,
I still wouldn't-- - You know something?
You talk a lot.
That's better.
So, what, is that all you and your boyfriend Dawson--
and I use the term loosely--do?
Talk?
You don't need to use the term at all, Warren.
Dawson is not my boyfriend.
It was the "boy" part I was referring to.
Well, have you ever seen the guy throw a baseball?
Believe it or not, there is no correlation
between a slider and a sperm count.
Well, how would you know?
I mean, you're obviously a virgin.
How do you know that Dawson and I haven't been going at it for years?
I mean, we could be annotating the Kama Sutra for all you know.
You know, I may be a virgin, but believe me,
it's by choice.
You could have waited in the car.
Don't worry. I won't tell anyone we're together.
Hi. Hey.
What's he up to?
We're cutting out of here.
We're going up to a club in Providence that Billy knows.
Ah. Finally. Dawson's evil twin.
This has been a much anticipated pleasure.
What are you doing?
You're cutting class to go to a nightclub.
You're asking what I'm doing?
I'm coming with you, man.
I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Billy? Hey.
Great. So, we're ready to go?
Yeah. Just got to turn in my math homework, and we're outta here.
Yeah. Walk on the wild side.
Listen, I heard something this morning,
and I thought that you should--
at the risk of sounding redundant,
what the hell are you doing here?
The boys just had to wrap up a few things
before we left, so, uh...
Good morning.
What are you talking about?
I'm taking Pacey and your boy on a little road trip.
Funny, but, uh, in the midst of all the confusion,
Dawson and I actually stumbled upon some common ground.
I don't think I like the sound of this, Billy.
The last thing that Dawson needs is to be pulled down by you.
I swear to you. Dawson was simply complaining
about how a guy can't seem to get any around here.
So I told him about this little place I know.
What kind of place?
Well, let's just say that the women take cash
and are remarkably friendly.
You're taking him to a whorehouse?
Ah, there's his holiness now.
Well, girls, gotta run.
I see Saint Dawson's champing at the bit.
So...come on. Yeah.
Excuse me.
We're not really gonna go to a--
No. I was just kidding around.
Let's go.
God, I know I've never really had a whole lot of faith in guys, but I...
I don't know, I just thought Dawson was different.
Yeah, he's different.
Unfortunately, he's just not as different as we thought.
Yeah. Listen, uh, Joey...
You know that--that football player, Warren?
What?
You didn't sleep with him, did you?
Yeah, I had sex with Warren Gary,
uh, right after I gave the sponge bath to the Navy pilots.
Why would you even ask me that?
He's telling everyone you did.
I'm gonna go downstairs, get a drink.
All right. We'll be right here.
All right, one more time.
Dawson, you're not the type of guy
who does something bad just 'cause it feels good.
Well, there's an oxymoron to live by.
What? You want examples of this?
All right. What was the first thing,
the very first thing you did,
after announcing this little road trip of ours?
Remember? You know exactly what it was, don't you?
You turned in your math homework, man.
Hey, those are not exactly the actions of a rebel.
But there's nothing wrong with that.
You just--you just care about what people think about you.
You're that nice Leery boy, man.
You like being the nice Leery boy.
Oh, and you're any different?
Hey, please. Just talk to the school board
or take a glance at my permanent record.
There's no comparison between you and I, Dawson.
Everybody knows you're a regular Richie Cunningham.
That guy, he's The Fonz.
Well, congratulations. That makes you Potsie.
We need to talk.
She needs to talk.
Well...
It wasn't very memorable, Warren.
What?
The sex. In fact, I can't seem to remember it at all.
Why don't you refresh my memory?
It was actually pretty good,
although you did eventually complain of fatigue.
What is going on in that twisted head of yours?
Look.
This can be a win-win.
Explain.
Our reps.
Ok, I've got one to live up to.
You have one to...
Live down.
What? And people thinking we're doing the deed
is going to help my precious reputation?
Well, you know how in baseball
there are major and minor leagues?
Yeah.
Well, think of this as your call-up to the show.
No more shagging fly balls with washouts and wanna-bes.
You are such a bastard.
If you're the major leagues, Warren,
I hope I never get out of a-ball.
Hey, look. I never said I'd be your boyfriend.
I never believed it, you know.
Sure. That's why you asked.
I only asked because I was concerned, Joey.
But--but I would have bet anything against it.
Besides, I...
Uh...
Besides, what?
I don't know. I guess I always pictured you with someone different.
Someone like...
You know, just-- just a different type.
Walking upright?
Yeah. Opposable thumbs. The...whole bit.
And maybe someone just a tad more sensitive than Warren Gary.
Yeah, well...
In my experience, even the sensitive ones
can let you down with the best of them.
You know, Joey, maybe Dawson isn't--
Look, I didn't say a thing about Dawson.
And as far as Warren and his pathetic fantasies go, you know,
what harm can a guy do?
I mean, being called a football groupie
could describe half the girls in this school,
so it's not that big a deal.
Joey, I may be overstepping my boundaries here,
but, uh... I think I know a way to get Warren back.
What? Do you know how to make a voodoo doll or something?
No, I'm serious.
You know, guys like Warren have been getting away
with this kind of stuff for way too long.
So, what do you say, Joey?
Interested in a little payback?
All right, I'm listening.
Let me put it this way.
You know when cartoon characters are trying to make a decision,
and the good angel pops up on one shoulder
and you got the little devil on the other?
Yeah.
Well, I don't have a good angel, Dawson. I have you.
I'm not interested in the gig.
It doesn't work for me anymore.
I swear to God, you two sound like my parents.
Hang tight. I'm going to go see
what the deliverance twins are up to.
You know, need I remind you again of the ill-fated toilet papering
of Coach Roland's house.
There you go again. Equating fun with youthful indiscretions.
Youthful indiscretions? What, am I running for the senate?
Ok, granted, Dawson. For high-minded conversation, you're the man.
But generally speaking,
you're better at verbiage than actual verbs.
Verbs?
Yeah, action words. Revel, carouse, party.
What year was it exactly when party became a verb?
The year that you and I came into high school, Dawson.
Ok, you're just gonna have to trust me on this one.
Sometimes friendship means taking part in stupid stuff.
No judgments, no questions asked,
and no deconstruction of the events.
You don't think I'm capable of that?
Let's just say I've seen no evidence to the contrary.
I don't like those guys down there.
What's up?
They're harassing everyone from the sea gulls to the senior citizens.
It's not really my idea of fun.
Well, what do you say we give them a little instant karma, huh?
Maybe, uh...a banana in the tailpipe?
See, I was just thinking we could slash their tires or something.
Well, that's imaginative.
Well, you got a better idea?
Yeah, I do.
Oh, yeah. I can't wait to see this one.
Good angel this, Pacey.
Did you guys ever see American Graffiti?
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Mrs. Warren Gary?
So you know?
Well, it is news, and this is high school.
He swore he wouldn't tell, Abby.
He told me he loved me.
$100,000 pyramid.
Things guys say in the backseat.
Yeah, well, you can add "We don't need protection" to that list.
What?
I am so stupid.
Wait. What are you saying?
Well, he started off, you know,
just calling all the time.
He'd be so sweet.
And one time he...he won me this stuffed frog at coney island
and brought it back for me.
The first time we made love, he cried.
Warren Gary?
That was before the pee strip turned blue.
Blue?
Oh, my god!
Do you know what that means?
Yes, I do.
You're pregnant?
I know.
Does Warren know?
He told all his friends it's my problem and mine only.
Oh, that little puke.
Oh, that sorry puke.
Now. Pacey, now!
Yeow!
Hit it! Go, go, go!
Ha ha ha. Whoa! Yeah!
Hey! What are you doing?
Get that jerk.
Whoo!
Yeah!
Ha, ha!
...stay right here, heh.
All right, d-man,
you got your companion picked out for the evening yet?
What? Already?
No, dude. I'm shooting pool.
You gotta stay on top of these things.
I'll bet Pacey ain't lettin' pool get in the way of business.
Uh-uh. Take your pick.
The blonde at the bar,
tank top in tan up at the jukebox,
or the leather pants by the foosball table.
Rack 'em.
You know, that was a beautiful thing.
All right, everyone.
Can I have your attention, please?
I just want to thank you all for helping me
prepare for tonight's college fair,
and I'll see you all back here in a couple of hours.
Joey...
Can I have a word with you, please?
Sure.
Joey, in a school this size it's difficult to keep any secrets.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Girls your age often make mistakes.
Yeah, well, boys have been known to make a few mistakes themselves.
True. But the price they pay seems to be so much less.
You're going to be going through some tough times ahead,
and I want to make sure you're prepared.
Excuse me?
The family living course here offers some valuable preparation.
Wait. Isn't that the class where they make you carry around
a sack of flour and pretend it's a baby?
That's only part of it.
I know the task you face seems manageable now,
but child rearing is filled with trials and tribulations.
You know what? Let me get back to you on that one.
Did you notice how Pacey had his eye on 3 girls?
The man knows it's all about numbers.
Numbers?
Odds. Don't waste time.
You'll know within 15 seconds
whether a woman wants to see you naked.
If the answer is no, you bail.
Who cares? You know, there's plenty more where they came from.
But that's why you ask 10.
Whatever you got to do to seal the deal,
and pull the trigger. Pow!
Hello.
Well, wish me luck, boys, 'cause here I go.
So, who's it gonna be, buddy?
Time's a-wasting. We don't got all night.
Hi, what's up?
Found her.
Hi. My name-- my name is Dawson.
Oh, you're Dawson. Wow, yeah, all right! Good to know.
Hey, there. I'm the drummer for Pearl Jam. You?
You're dumber than who?
Look, I--I just want to let you know that I completely understand
the absurdity of this moment.
I actually thought of sending over a drink or saying something clever
and what's your sign?
You know, I figured directness would be the best approach.
I.e., my name is Dawson.
Not that my name in it of itself should impress you,
but kind of in the hopes that you might in response tell me your name.
Did it occur to you that maybe I'm just not interested?
Oh, no, actually, um, but blind optimism is one of my faults.
One of your faults? Do you have many?
Let's see, there's, um,
my reckless disregard for danger,
my tiresome romanticism,
and then there's the way I keep on talking
long after the person I'm trying to impress has lost all interest.
My name is Nina. And if you ask me
where Pinta and Santa Maria are,
I'll be so out of here.
Find someone special?
I did. She didn't.
Damn! Check out Dawson.
That girl's fine.
There's lot of women in this place. Why me?
Did you notice my inner light
or was it something a little more base?
Um, actually, it was your shirt.
Really, this thing?
And not even any cleavage.
So what are you, Dawson, some sort of film buff?
Uh, come on in.
Hey. How's my favorite mother-to-be?
Actually, not so good.
Look, I--I just came over here to tell you
that we should call the whole thing off.
Wh-why?
Because it's too much.
I don't like to be in the middle of everything.
Mrs. Tingle wants me to sign up for that mommy and me class.
Yeah, and Sherman Williams, that Adventist kid,
he offered to marry me today.
It's nothing compared to what they're doing to Warren.
Oh, wait, wait a minute. You and I both know that
that guy deserves everything that's coming to him.
Maybe. I don't know.
Joey--Joey, that guy treated you with no respect, all right?
That hurts. I know.
Oh, so that's what this is about.
What--what do you mean?
You don't care about me.
You're just looking for some convenient revenge scenario
to dump all your residual male anger.
Is that what Dawson was for you?
Just some patsy to take the fall
for all the guys who have done you wrong?
You know what? Don't, Joey. All right?
Don't--don't turn this into a Dawson thing.
The real question is why did I listen to you in the first place?
Dawson was probably the first decent guy you ever gone out with,
and look what you did.
You drove him right into the arms of a prostitute.
Joey, you took that one way too far.
You want to know the truth?
You want--'cause the truth is ever since Dawson and I broke up,
you have been scared to death.
Oh, please.
You're scared because now there's no more excuses.
There's no one else to blame.
And now when Dawson treats you like good ol' understanding Joey,
just one of the guys Joey,
I'm not going to be around for you to hate.
And that is how he'll treat you, Joey.
Scorcese, Kubrick. Those are directors.
I can't believe you're a Spielberg fan.
The guy makes slick fairy tales.
Movies by nature are escapist.
If you want reality, look out the window.
Uh, come on, he's a schlockmeister.
Whose movies have done a billion dollars of box office.
I can't believe you're equating mainstream popularity with artistic merit.
By that logic, we should be studying Ace Ventura in film school.
You're in film school?
Hey, Dawson, they got, uh, that chocolate milk you ordered
up at the bar there.
And what is your name, beautiful?
Nina.
You can call me Columbus.
You know what, Dawson, this place is getting really crowded.
What do you say we get out of here?
Yeah. Let's.
Hey!
So, thank you back there.
Billy, I mean, he can be sort of a jerk sometimes.
Thinks he's, you know. It's colder out here than it was before.
I think a little bit chilly.
He's from New York, Billy is.
So he's the one who brought me here.
Film school, huh?
Dawson, are we doing something you don't want to do?
No.
'Cause you've launched
into a pretty convincing
Rain Man impression.
Look, all we're doing is walking to my car.
And after that?
Well, after that, I'm driving home.
Notice the first person singular.
I'm not in the habit of being the sexual facilitator
for men with something to prove.
It's not like that.
Come on, I saw your friends over your shoulder.
They did everything but hold up scorecards.
Maybe--maybe it is something like that.
I just got dumped.
Ahh, the evening snaps into focus.
And I let them convince me that the best way to get over her...
Was to nail a stranger?
Yeah, I guess, but--
It's not exactly healthy, you know.
I'm sorry, but--but it did quit being about that.
For nearly an hour in there, talking to you.
I forgot all about it. All about her.
And, ha, ha, for the first time in 3 days,
I actually don't feel so bad.
So, um, would it impress your friends if you didn't, um, reappear till morning?
I think they'd erect a statue.
Ok, tell you what. Come over.
We'll fall asleep watching TV.
I mean, you're a Spielberg fan.
It's not like I'd be in any danger, right?
Hurry up. Come on. Before I start listening
to that little voice in my head telling me I should card you.
The girl that I told you about...
I still sort of want her back and I...
I don't know. Maybe I'm just being really crazy here,
but I...
I just don't think it would be right.
Wow! Can't decide if I'm offended
or if you've just restored my faith in the male sex.
Call me if she doesn't come to her senses.
Bye.
Welcome to Capeside's annual college fair this evening.
Please be sure to check out our international booth.
That's booth 3.
Imagining what she'll look like with a bowling ball in her uterus?
Don't bother.
What do you mean? I thought that she was--
Not a chance.
That girl's comic relief. Speaking of which,
Warren Gary was called into the nurse's office this afternoon
for a lecture on contraception.
Well, good. He could use--
You don't get it.
Warren is the last person who needs that lecture.
What you heard was a lie made up by a pathetic sophomore
trying to land a popular boyfriend.
Besides, Warren couldn't fertilize a garden.
What do you mean?
I had a chat with my friend Elise today.
She used to date Warren.
She dated him for 6 months.
She used to bake him spirit cookies before every game.
She bought a $400 dress for a dance he failed to show up for.
Ok, your point is?
According to Elise,
Warren had one other significant failure as a boyfriend.
Let's just say he had a soft spot for the ladies
in a very unfortunate location.
Hey, man.
What are you doing back here?
God! You couldn't pull the trigger.
Guess not, Billy.
Man, you practically had her begging for it.
Listen, a little piece of advice--
for future reference, getting laid,
it comes down to a simple Beatles/ Stones question.
What?
Do you want to hold her hand
or do you want to spend the night together?
Some women might say they're looking for a Beatle,
trust me, they're looking for something
a little more... Tangible.
All right, thanks. I'll keep that in mind, Billy.
Hey, know what, guys? Maybe we should just get out of here.
It's funny, uh, watching you with this girl.
It sort of makes sense why you blew it with Jen.
I don't get you!
You came to town to break Jen and me up. Mission accomplished.
Are you pouting now because things didn't go according to plan?
What?
You think I don't know why
you wanted me to get lucky tonight?
So you could go whisper in Jen's ear,
convince her that all men are dogs,
then assume that she'd seek your comfort.
For all that wisdom, you sure bit hard.
Hard enough to know that it's not my style, man, it's yours.
And frankly, your style's pathetic.
If you really had Jen's best interests at heart,
you would stay away from her.
Do you know those are the exact same words her dad used
when he told me he'd send her away?
Do you think it's funny you sound like her dad? I do.
It's better than sounding like her loser ex-boyfriend.
Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, Dawson.
And, uh, since you 2 cool guys
probably wouldn't want a loser like me hanging around,
I'll tell you what.
Have a fun trip home, boys.
You think you could have maybe waited till we were back in Capeside
to throw out that last zinger, Dawson?
Hey, loverboy.
Spare a minute?
You know, it's been a really long day.
Oh, my heart bleeds.
Look, I know you're not too thrilled with me,
but here's an idea.
One way to get rid of a lie is to make it the truth.
So maybe you and me--
You know, I'm afraid I'd be getting worked up
for something that I hear is quite the anti-climax, so.
What?
Your reviews are in, Warren.
And frankly, you've been panned.
So what is this, some kind of sophomore threat?
No. Just a reminder.
That if one person says something, it's a rumor.
But 2 people. Mmm. It's gospel.
But you're probably not planning on dating anyone ever again, so.
All right, what do you want?
Complete and utter denial.
Fine! Just so you know...
The reason I picked you up this morning was because--
I thought it would be nice.
You know, just--
Saturday night I have plans, but they're breakable.
What do you say?
In public...official...
Groping-optional date.
Yeah.
Sure, um, yeah, just, uh, pick me up after my lobotomy.
So, you wanted to get out of Capeside to get Jen off your mind.
Did it work?
No.
Maybe for awhile.
All right, am I going to have to wait all night,
or you gonna tell me what happened outside the club with that woman?
Nothing happened. I just walked her to her car.
That's it. Nothing happened at all.
Right. Absolutely. So you're just wearing that lipstick
as a fashion statement, right?
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey.
Look, I'm--I'm having an ice cream anti-social here.
You want to join me?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
The Warren Gary information proved useful. Thanks.
Oh, rumor has it that his public retraction is already making the rounds.
Well, it is news and this is high school.
Mmm, cookie dough.
Yeah.
So--so what do you think, Joey?
Is there any way we can keep Dawson from coming between us?
Yeah, sure, I mean--
he's--he's only in love with one of us, so.
You're right.
Must be, oh, a lot easier than just being the object of his infatuation, huh?
Although, I doubt that after today
either of us will be vying for his affections.
I know what you mean.
I mean, just picturing Dawson so... Male, it's just--
I don't know. It's made me nauseous all day.
You think he's already--
So, did you get everything you went there for?
I was a non-stop sex machine, Joey.
You know me.
How was your day?
Ah. I boffed Capeside's starting fullback
and got knocked up, you know.
Oh, that's nice.
So was it all good clean fun, Dawson?
Um, not exactly.
Tell me about it.
I will. Oh, Joey, there's so much that I want to tell you,
but I am so tired right now. I haven't slept in 24 hours.
Plus...
You know what? I can wait.
It's ok.
Ok. Hey!
For awhile tonight,
nothing reminded me of Jen.
It was like looking at the world without blinders on.
Yeah.
I can wait.