[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
GOKU: Hey Piccolo, mind if I ask you somethin'?
PICCOLO: What is it?
GOKU: You’re not human either, right? [Genius of the year, everyone]
(As far as we know, he's a demon. Demon King Piccolo)
PICCOLO: Maybe ...?
GOKU: And your dad spit you out as an egg, right?
NON HUMAN: What about it?
GOKU: Are...
Are you Yoshi
?
YOSHI [sarcastic]: ...Yes, Goku, I’m a green f*cking dinosaur!
GOKU: Can...
Can I ride you? (that sounds really suggestive)
YOSHI: Huuuurrrrgh...!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫ (HAH! GAAAAYYYYYYY)
[Gohan is crying]
RADITZ: Shut up. [Gohan is crying] (That's not how we deal with kids Raditz...)
[Gohan is crying]
I said shut up! [Gohan is crying] (Doing it twice is not gonna help)
[Gohan is still crying]
SHUT UP! [Gohan is still crying] (LEARN SOME DAMN MANNERS RITZ)
Dammit, why isn’t screaming angrily making you cry less?! (Says the scary child abductor) [Gohan is still crying]
Aw, to hell with this, you're roomin' in the time-out pod. [Gohan is crying] [That's how you do it ;) ]
[Gohan's cries are silenced by Raditz closing the pod door]
'Thank sweet merciful GOD that’s over.'
Now I can just sit back and--
[Scouter beeps]
... beat the crap out of whoever’s coming, (Sigh), great... (Not like you could relax and have a nice cold beer)
GOKU: Raditz, give me back my son! [Even though you never take care of him]
Wheeeeee! [also as a side note Raditz never said his name either]
9.87/10
RADITZ: Hmmm... so, you’re here already...
and I see you brought the Namekian as well.
GOKU: A-actually, that hasn’t been explained yet. (Why did you call him a Yoshi if you knew that?)
RADITZ: Oh...
Well, it’s not like anyone cares about it anyway. (I do)
YOSHI: Well, screw you too!
{THUD}
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Piccolo? You use weighted training clothes as well?
ANNOYED PICCOLO: No Goku, I just *love* to get naked when I’m around you.
RADITZ: 'Their power level is rising!'
So... nudity makes you stronger on this planet! (oh my GOD)
[Raditz unzips] (Yes, because *that's* how physics works)
GOKU: Uh, no, we’re wearing weighted clothing.
[Raditz zips back up] RADITZ: Oh... of course! (OH my GODDD)
Because that would be ridiculous! A-hahahaha...!
[Awkward silence] [Saiyans are just as dumb as Gokus]
PICCOLO: So that hair *does* compensate for something. (OOOHHHH MYYY GOOOODDDDD)
PHIL KEN SEBBEN: Ha ha! Dangly parts. (Sounds like someone needs ENGORGE by Atlas)
RADITZ: SHUT UP!
GOKU: ERGH! PICCOLO: OOARGH!
PICCOLO [o-s]: OK, what the hell was that?
GOKU [o-s]: I don’t know! But let’s try it again... [oh my...]
from *behind*! [OH MY...]
GOKU: AHHHH! PICCOLO: HURRRGH! (Damn it Takei)
AGHH! GUWAH!
PICCOLO: We *really* shouldn’t be announcing our attack strategy-- [Oh yeah, cause we never see that in DBZ]
GOKU: Rush him!
PICCOLO: Dammit, Goku! [You shout the name of your own attacks before shooting them, smart ass]
GOKU: HURRRGH! PICCOLO: Will you at least try to dodge this one?!
GOKU: Dodge wha--
GOKU: Dodge wha-- WHOA GEEZ!
PICCOLO: ARRGH!
GOKU: Ha! You missed me--!
RADITZ: My bad.
GOKU: AGH!
{SLAM} Ugh!
RADITZ [chuckling]: Hu-hu-hu-hu!
IDIOT HERO: 'Note to self: Less talky, more fighty.' [if it means less screamy as well then go for it]
Ahh... hey, Piccolo, we may be taking a beating, but at least we managed to dodge that one.
High fiiii-EEEE-ee!
High fiiii-EEEE-ee! Uh... handsha--...
High fiiii-EEEE-ee! Uh... handsha--... thumbs u--...
g-good job. [fist bumm ehhhh....]
RADITZ: HAHA, AHAHAha, AHAHha!
"Aw, excuse me, has anyone seen my arm? You can’t miss it - it’s green!" Hahaha...! [Racist...]
[Raditz continues to laugh] PICCOLO: Yeah... anyway, listen. (he hasn't done much of that lately)
I’ve got one more attack that should do it. Upside is, I can use it with one arm.
GOKU: And what's the down side?
PICCOLO: You’ll have to distract him while I charge it...
GOKU: That's not too ba--
PICCOLO: ...For five minutes. (Frieza sneezes)
And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one-- eh...
ah, never mind, I’m sure you can handle it.
GOKU: Wow... you really have that much faith in me?
PICCOLO: Yeah, sure... why not? (Faith is a *strong* word)
GOKU: Well then, I won’t disappoint you.
Here goes nothin'!
HURRRGH! Ready or not, here I co--!
AGGGHH! [Sounds of Goku getting thrashed throughout]
PICCOLO [to the tune of “Mahna Mahna”]: ♪ 'Dun dunnnn duh dun dun...' ♪
♪ 'Mahna mahna' ♪
♪ 'Dun duh dun duh...' ♪
♪ 'Mahna mahna. Dunnn duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh, dunna' ♪
♪ 'I'm a chargin’ my attack.' ♪
GOKU: Ha! Got your tail! (That's why people say Goku's a genius in batle)
RADITZ: Please let me go?
GOKU: Well... since you asked nicely... [no no no no no no no no]
AHHH! (Nevermind)
[Goku continues to get pummeled]
PICCOLO: 'Perhaps on second thought, a whole five-minute startup time for an attack is preeetty abysmal in terms of usability in battle...'
GOKU [o-s]: Piccolo help!
Ha! Got your tail! Again!
RADITZ: Please let go?
GOKU: I’m not falling for that again! (Really?)
RADITZ: Pretty please let me go?
GOKU: Wellllll... (NOOOOOOOOO)
Ooh, OW! Spine! (Genius in battle)
Ohh, OW! Spine! OW! Ribs!
Ohh, OW! Spine! OW! Ribs! Definitely ribs!
RADITZ: Aha! Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one-on-one battle... a cunning strategy!
No... no n-not “cunning”... what’s the opposite of that? [Retarded]
PICCOLO [o-s]: Retarded?
RADITZ: That's it, thank you! [To Goku] Now, disregarding the Namekian, I--
Goku: Uh-uh! A Yoshi!
YOSHI [o-s]: I’m not a goddamn Yoshi!
GOKU: But you said you were!
PICCOLO: It’s called "sarcasm"!
GORDON RAMSAY: What’s that taste like? (Don't tell him it tastes like bacon)
PICCOLO: Damn it, Goku!
{CRACK} GOKU: AHH! RADITZ: STOP IGNORING ME!
GOKU: Aaah, my *ribs*! *I think you broke my*...!
GOKU [dreamily]: Mmmmmm ribs... (I want my baby back baby back riibs)
RADITZ: Eurrrgh!
GOKU: Ow. RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop...
GOKU: Ow. Ow. RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring...
GOKU: Ow. Ow. Ow! RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring... me...
RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring... me... and
[Scouter beeps] RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop...ignoring...me...and DIE!
[Scouter beeps] Huh?
CRY BABY [o-s]: Stop beating up my Daddy~!
{BOOM}
GOHAN: AAAHH! RADITZ: Nooo, my space pod--!
RADITZ: Nooo, my space pod--! AAAUGH!
RADITZ: Nooo, my space pod--! AAAUGH! My space armor!
PICCOLO: We get it, you’re from space!
RADITZ: Ughh! Uhhhh...!
{THUD} GOHAN: Uhh!
GOKU: G-Gohan?
GOHAN: Huh?
GOKU: What... was that? (What? You mean daddy issues?)
GOHAN: Daddy!
GOKU: No, no, seriously, what the hell was that? We were getting slaughtered out there, and you could do that...
oh, crap... [Gohan whimpers]
CHILD ABDUCTOR: Uncle Raditz is PISSED!!
{DING}
{A completely seamless, hilarious joke}
{WHAM}
GOKU: Wait... hold on!
RADITZ: Or what?
Mr. Shattered Ribs is going to stop me?
MR. SHATTERED RIBS: Listen, you don’t understand! Nothing you could do could ever compare to what Chi-Chi would do to me if she found out he died. (He's actually right)
RADITZ: Well, sucks to be you. (Probably castrate him with a rusty carving knife)
GOKU: 'I don’t have any choice...
I have to use my last technique!'
RADITZ: NOW, DIE!
[Dramatic sting] GOKU: Full Nelson!
RADITZ: A Full Nelson? That won’t work on me; I’m *Raditz*! (That's exactly why it works on you)
[Both Saiyans grunt]
RADITZ: OK, let go! [try ask nicely]
[Both Saiyans continue to grunt] (You could try to ask nicely again..)
RADITZ: Seriously, this is starting to piss me off! (Just...Saiyan..)
Hurh! GOKU: Piccolo!
PICCOLO: Ready!
RADITZ: HURRRGH! GOKU: Good!
Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing. I’m right behind him! (OH MY!)
RADITZ: HURGGH!
PICCOLO: Oh, sure, I’ll give you a signal... it’ll be the last signal you’ll ever *get*! >:D
PICCOLO [distant]: Muahahahaha! Rahahahahahahahahahahaa!
GOKU: Well, OK, as long as we’re clear on that. PICCOLO [distant]: Muahahahaha! Rahahahahahahahahahahaa!
PICCOLO: MAKANSA...
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh),
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP...
(Sigh),
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP... (Sigh), MEKKASAPPA...
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP... (Sigh), MEKKASAPPA... oh, to hell with it!
SPECIAL BEAM CANNON! [Makankōsappō]
RADITZ [choked]: Aaah...!
GOKU: Is that what you’re going to yell out when you--
GOKU: Is that what you’re going to yell out when you--OH GOD!!
RICOLA GUY: Riiiiiicolaaaa--
{BOOM} RICOLA GUY: Riiiiiicolaaaa--AAAHAAHAAH!
RADITZ: Aagh!
GOKU: Augh!
RADITZ: Dammit! Ungh... and there was no way I could have gotten out of there!
PICCOLO: You know, you could’ve flown. (DUH)
RADITZ: Damn you, hindsiiiiight! (Always 20/20)
Bleh.
KRILLIN [through speakers]: Goku! After several hours of debating, we decided you might need our--
[Jet engine groaning]
... *aah, crap*.
Goku! You can't die! Here, I brought a Senzu bean!
GOKU: I don’t think that’s gonna work.
KRILLIN: Why not?
GOKU: I sort of have a hole in my esophagus... [How the hell do you know what an esophagus is?!]
KRILLIN: Wait, then how are you breathing? [Really? Thats what your questioning here?]
GOKU: U-uhh...
KRILLIN [o-s]: Goku?
GOKU [sotto]: Huhh...
KRILLIN: Goku...? GOKU [sotto]: Huhh...
KRILLIN: Holy crap...
I’m not the first person to die in this series!! (Really Krillin? Mr.Popo will see to this later.)
[Needle scratch] ROSHI: Krillin!
KRILLIN [o-s]: What?
ROSHI: Too soon!
BULMA: I can’t believe he’s gone (Doesn't matter, you have dragon balls)
PICCOLO: Yeah, pity that.
RRRRRRAAAAHHH!!!
Errrughh...
KRILLIN: Wait, what the hell? You can regenerate?
PICCOLO: Yeah... and you know what else?
KRILLIN: What?
PICCOLO: I’mtakingGohanBye!
KRILLIN: Quick... somebody stop him!
[Chirping crickets]
Dammit Roshi!
ROSHI: Shut up, Krillin.
{DING}
KRILLIN: Aww...
[Captions by Proavok] [Edited by FXGMach] [♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
GOKU: Gohan, do a Headbutt!
[♫ Pokémon battle music ♫] GOHAN: GoooHAN!
{SLAM [No, not the move ;)]}