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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

2
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GOKU: Hey Piccolo, mind if I ask you somethin'?

3
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PICCOLO: What is it?

4
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GOKU: You’re not human either, right?
[Genius of the year, everyone]

5
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(As far as we know, he's a demon. Demon King Piccolo)

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PICCOLO: Maybe ...?

7
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GOKU: And your dad spit you out as an egg, right?

8
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NON HUMAN: What about it?

9
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GOKU: Are...

10
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Are you Yoshi

11
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?

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YOSHI [sarcastic]: ...Yes, Goku, I’m a green f*cking dinosaur!

13
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GOKU: Can...

14
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Can I ride you?
(that sounds really suggestive)

15
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YOSHI: Huuuurrrrgh...!

16
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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

17
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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

19
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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

20
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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
(HAH! GAAAAYYYYYYY)

21
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[Gohan is crying]

22
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RADITZ: Shut up.
[Gohan is crying]
(That's not how we deal with kids Raditz...)

23
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[Gohan is crying]

24
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I said shut up!
[Gohan is crying]
(Doing it twice is not gonna help)

25
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[Gohan is still crying]

26
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SHUT UP!
[Gohan is still crying]
(LEARN SOME DAMN MANNERS RITZ)

27
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Dammit, why isn’t screaming angrily making you cry less?!
(Says the scary child abductor)
[Gohan is still crying]

28
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[Gohan is still crying]

29
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Aw, to hell with this, you're roomin' in the time-out pod.
[Gohan is crying]
[That's how you do it ;) ]

30
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[Gohan's cries are silenced by Raditz closing the pod door]

31
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'Thank sweet merciful GOD that’s over.'

32
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Now I can just sit back and--

33
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[Scouter beeps]

34
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... beat the crap out of whoever’s coming, (Sigh), great...
(Not like you could relax and have a nice cold beer)

35
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GOKU: Raditz, give me back my son!
[Even though you never take care of him]

36
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Wheeeeee!
[also as a side note Raditz never said his name either]

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9.87/10

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RADITZ: Hmmm... so, you’re here already...

39
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and I see you brought the Namekian as well.

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GOKU: A-actually, that hasn’t been explained yet.
(Why did you call him a Yoshi if you knew that?)

41
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RADITZ: Oh...

42
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Well, it’s not like anyone cares about it anyway.
(I do)

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YOSHI: Well, screw you too!

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{THUD}

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CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Piccolo? You use weighted training clothes as well?

46
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ANNOYED PICCOLO: No Goku, I just *love* to get naked when I’m around you.

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RADITZ: 'Their power level is rising!'

48
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So... nudity makes you stronger on this planet!
(oh my GOD)

49
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[Raditz unzips]
(Yes, because *that's* how physics works)

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GOKU: Uh, no, we’re wearing weighted clothing.

51
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[Raditz zips back up]
RADITZ: Oh... of course!
(OH my GODDD)

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Because that would be ridiculous! A-hahahaha...!

53
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[Awkward silence]
[Saiyans are just as dumb as Gokus]

54
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PICCOLO: So that hair *does* compensate for something.
(OOOHHHH MYYY GOOOODDDDD)

55
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PHIL KEN SEBBEN: Ha ha! Dangly parts.
(Sounds like someone needs ENGORGE by Atlas)

56
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RADITZ: SHUT UP!

57
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GOKU: ERGH!
PICCOLO: OOARGH!

58
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PICCOLO [o-s]: OK, what the hell was that?

59
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GOKU [o-s]: I don’t know! But let’s try it again...
[oh my...]

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from *behind*!
[OH MY...]

61
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GOKU: AHHHH!
PICCOLO: HURRRGH!
(Damn it Takei)

62
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AGHH!
GUWAH!

63
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PICCOLO: We *really* shouldn’t be announcing our attack strategy--
[Oh yeah, cause we never see that in DBZ]

64
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GOKU: Rush him!

65
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PICCOLO: Dammit, Goku!
[You shout the name of your own attacks before shooting them, smart ass]

66
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GOKU: HURRRGH!
PICCOLO: Will you at least try to dodge this one?!

67
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PICCOLO: Will you at least try to dodge this one?!

68
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GOKU: Dodge wha--

69
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GOKU: Dodge wha-- WHOA GEEZ!

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PICCOLO: ARRGH!

71
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GOKU: Ha! You missed me--!

72
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RADITZ: My bad.

73
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GOKU: AGH!

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{SLAM}
Ugh!

75
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RADITZ [chuckling]: Hu-hu-hu-hu!

76
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IDIOT HERO: 'Note to self: Less talky, more fighty.'
[if it means less screamy as well then go for it]

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Ahh... hey, Piccolo, we may be taking a beating,
but at least we managed to dodge that one.

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High fiiii-EEEE-ee!

79
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High fiiii-EEEE-ee! Uh... handsha--...

80
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High fiiii-EEEE-ee! Uh... handsha--... thumbs u--...

81
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g-good job.
[fist bumm ehhhh....]

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RADITZ: HAHA, AHAHAha, AHAHha!

83
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"Aw, excuse me, has anyone seen my arm?
You can’t miss it - it’s green!" Hahaha...!
[Racist...]

84
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[Raditz continues to laugh]
PICCOLO: Yeah... anyway, listen.
(he hasn't done much of that lately)

85
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I’ve got one more attack that should do it.
Upside is, I can use it with one arm.

86
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GOKU: And what's the down side?

87
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PICCOLO: You’ll have to distract him while I charge it...

88
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GOKU: That's not too ba--

89
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PICCOLO: ...For five minutes. (Frieza sneezes)

90
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And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one-- eh...

91
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ah, never mind, I’m sure you can handle it.

92
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GOKU: Wow... you really have that much faith in me?

93
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PICCOLO: Yeah, sure... why not?
(Faith is a *strong* word)

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GOKU: Well then, I won’t disappoint you.

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Here goes nothin'!

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HURRRGH! Ready or not, here I co--!

97
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AGGGHH!
[Sounds of Goku getting thrashed throughout]

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PICCOLO [to the tune of “Mahna Mahna”]: ♪ 'Dun dunnnn duh dun dun...' ♪

99
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♪ 'Mahna mahna' ♪

100
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♪ 'Dun duh dun duh...' ♪

101
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♪ 'Mahna mahna. Dunnn duh duh duh duh, duh duh duh, duh duh duh, dunna' ♪

102
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♪ 'I'm a chargin’ my attack.' ♪

103
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GOKU: Ha! Got your tail!
(That's why people say Goku's a genius in batle)

104
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RADITZ: Please let me go?

105
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GOKU: Well... since you asked nicely...
[no no no no no no no no]

106
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AHHH!
(Nevermind)

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[Goku continues to get pummeled]

108
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PICCOLO: 'Perhaps on second thought, a whole five-minute startup
time for an attack is preeetty abysmal in terms of usability in battle...'

109
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GOKU [o-s]: Piccolo help!

110
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Ha! Got your tail! Again!

111
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RADITZ: Please let go?

112
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GOKU: I’m not falling for that again!
(Really?)

113
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RADITZ: Pretty please let me go?

114
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GOKU: Wellllll...
(NOOOOOOOOO)

115
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Ooh, OW! Spine!
(Genius in battle)

116
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Ohh, OW! Spine! OW! Ribs!

117
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Ohh, OW! Spine! OW! Ribs! Definitely ribs!

118
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RADITZ: Aha! Attacking an opponent roughly four times
your strength in a one-on-one battle... a cunning strategy!

119
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No... no n-not “cunning”... what’s the opposite of that?
[Retarded]

120
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PICCOLO [o-s]: Retarded?

121
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RADITZ: That's it, thank you!
[To Goku] Now, disregarding the Namekian, I--

122
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Goku: Uh-uh! A Yoshi!

123
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YOSHI [o-s]: I’m not a goddamn Yoshi!

124
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GOKU: But you said you were!

125
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PICCOLO: It’s called "sarcasm"!

126
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GORDON RAMSAY: What’s that taste like?
(Don't tell him it tastes like bacon)

127
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PICCOLO: Damn it, Goku!

128
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{CRACK}
GOKU: AHH!
RADITZ: STOP IGNORING ME!

129
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GOKU: Aaah, my *ribs*! *I think you broke my*...!

130
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GOKU [dreamily]: Mmmmmm ribs...
(I want my baby back baby back riibs)

131
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RADITZ: Eurrrgh!

132
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GOKU: Ow.
RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop...

133
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GOKU: Ow. Ow.
RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring...

134
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GOKU: Ow. Ow. Ow!
RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring... me...

135
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RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop... ignoring... me... and

136
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[Scouter beeps]
RADITZ: Eurrrgh! Stop...ignoring...me...and DIE!

137
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[Scouter beeps]
Huh?

138
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CRY BABY [o-s]: Stop beating up my Daddy~!

139
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{BOOM}

140
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GOHAN: AAAHH!
RADITZ: Nooo, my space pod--!

141
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RADITZ: Nooo, my space pod--! AAAUGH!

142
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RADITZ: Nooo, my space pod--! AAAUGH! My space armor!

143
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PICCOLO: We get it, you’re from space!

144
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RADITZ: Ughh! Uhhhh...!

145
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{THUD}
GOHAN: Uhh!

146
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GOKU: G-Gohan?

147
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GOHAN: Huh?

148
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GOKU: What... was that?
(What? You mean daddy issues?)

149
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GOHAN: Daddy!

150
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GOKU: No, no, seriously, what the hell was that?
We were getting slaughtered out there, and you could do that...

151
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oh, crap...
[Gohan whimpers]

152
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CHILD ABDUCTOR: Uncle Raditz is PISSED!!

153
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{DING}

154
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:20,300
{A completely seamless, hilarious joke}

155
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{WHAM}

156
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GOKU: Wait... hold on!

157
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,280
RADITZ: Or what?

158
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,580
Mr. Shattered Ribs is going to stop me?

159
00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:35,200
MR. SHATTERED RIBS: Listen, you don’t understand! Nothing you could do could ever
compare to what Chi-Chi would do to me if she found out he died.
(He's actually right)

160
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:36,900
RADITZ: Well, sucks to be you.
(Probably castrate him with a rusty carving knife)

161
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:38,420
GOKU: 'I don’t have any choice...

162
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I have to use my last technique!'

163
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RADITZ: NOW, DIE!

164
00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,300
[Dramatic sting]
GOKU: Full Nelson!

165
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:48,640
RADITZ: A Full Nelson?
That won’t work on me; I’m *Raditz*!
(That's exactly why it works on you)

166
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[Both Saiyans grunt]

167
00:05:51,020 --> 00:05:52,240
RADITZ: OK, let go!
[try ask nicely]

168
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:56,060
[Both Saiyans continue to grunt]
(You could try to ask nicely again..)

169
00:05:56,060 --> 00:05:58,140
RADITZ: Seriously, this is starting to piss me off!
(Just...Saiyan..)

170
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Hurh!
GOKU: Piccolo!

171
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PICCOLO: Ready!

172
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RADITZ: HURRRGH!
GOKU: Good!

173
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Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing. I’m right behind him!
(OH MY!)

174
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RADITZ: HURGGH!

175
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PICCOLO: Oh, sure, I’ll give you a signal...
it’ll be the last signal you’ll ever *get*! >:D

176
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PICCOLO [distant]: Muahahahaha! Rahahahahahahahahahahaa!

177
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GOKU: Well, OK, as long as we’re clear on that.
PICCOLO [distant]: Muahahahaha! Rahahahahahahahahahahaa!

178
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,460
PICCOLO: MAKANSA...

179
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,120
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh),

180
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,140
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP...

181
00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:19,940
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP...
(Sigh),

182
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,360
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP...
(Sigh), MEKKASAPPA...

183
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:22,700
PICCOLO: MAKANSA... (Sigh), MAKAKASAPOP...
(Sigh), MEKKASAPPA... oh, to hell with it!

184
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SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!
[Makankōsappō]

185
00:06:25,420 --> 00:06:25,980
RADITZ [choked]: Aaah...!

186
00:06:25,980 --> 00:06:27,440
GOKU: Is that what you’re going to yell out when you--

187
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:28,580
GOKU: Is that what you’re going to yell out when you--OH GOD!!

188
00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,440
RICOLA GUY: Riiiiiicolaaaa--

189
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,680
{BOOM}
RICOLA GUY: Riiiiiicolaaaa--AAAHAAHAAH!

190
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:32,560
RADITZ: Aagh!

191
00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:33,760
GOKU: Augh!

192
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:39,560
RADITZ: Dammit! Ungh... and there was no way I could have gotten out of there!

193
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PICCOLO: You know, you could’ve flown.
(DUH)

194
00:06:41,580 --> 00:06:43,780
RADITZ: Damn you, hindsiiiiight!
(Always 20/20)

195
00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:44,280
Bleh.

196
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:49,220
KRILLIN [through speakers]: Goku! After several
hours of debating, we decided you might need our--

197
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,900
[Jet engine groaning]

198
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:52,400
... *aah, crap*.

199
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,160
Goku! You can't die!
Here, I brought a Senzu bean!

200
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,060
GOKU: I don’t think that’s gonna work.

201
00:07:01,060 --> 00:07:02,000
KRILLIN: Why not?

202
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,140
GOKU: I sort of have a hole in my esophagus...
[How the hell do you know what an esophagus is?!]

203
00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:06,680
KRILLIN: Wait, then how are you breathing?
[Really? Thats what your questioning here?]

204
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:07,640
GOKU: U-uhh...

205
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:08,560
KRILLIN [o-s]: Goku?

206
00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:09,860
GOKU [sotto]: Huhh...

207
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:11,020
KRILLIN: Goku...?
GOKU [sotto]: Huhh...

208
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:14,100
KRILLIN: Holy crap...

209
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,900
I’m not the first person to die in this series!!
(Really Krillin? Mr.Popo will see to this later.)

210
00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:18,720
[Needle scratch]
ROSHI: Krillin!

211
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:19,460
KRILLIN [o-s]: What?

212
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:20,400
ROSHI: Too soon!

213
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,760
BULMA: I can’t believe he’s gone
(Doesn't matter, you have dragon balls)

214
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,000
PICCOLO: Yeah, pity that.

215
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,900
RRRRRRAAAAHHH!!!

216
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:27,060
Errrughh...

217
00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:29,520
KRILLIN: Wait, what the hell? You can regenerate?

218
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,940
PICCOLO: Yeah... and you know what else?

219
00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:32,700
KRILLIN: What?

220
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,400
PICCOLO: I’mtakingGohanBye!

221
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,180
KRILLIN: Quick... somebody stop him!

222
00:07:37,060 --> 00:07:39,820
[Chirping crickets]

223
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:40,800
Dammit Roshi!

224
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:41,880
ROSHI: Shut up, Krillin.

225
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:42,720
{DING}

226
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:43,440
KRILLIN: Aww...

227
00:07:43,780 --> 00:07:48,640
[Captions by Proavok]
[Edited by FXGMach]
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]

228
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:51,780
GOKU: Gohan, do a Headbutt!

229
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:52,960
[♫ Pokémon battle music ♫]
GOHAN: GoooHAN!

230
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,400
{SLAM [No, not the move ;)]}