[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
VEGETA: Hahaha! Aha! He’s gone! He’s finally gone! [This is likely the happiest he's been since his planet blew up.]
I’m so happy right now! I might not even slaughter you all!
KRILLIN: R--... really?
VEGETA: Haha! Ha! Oho! Oh.
Oh no; you’re all thoroughly screwed.
KRILLIN [off-screen]: Awww...
GOKU: Gohan, Krillin – I’ll handle Vegeta on my own.
I need the both of you to get as far away as--
[Whoooosh]
Where’d Krillin go?
KRILLIN [crying]: Aaaahahaahaah...!!
GOKU: Gohan, follow Krillin. Get home to your mother.
GOHAN: Right, Daddy. Is there anything you want me to tell her?
GOKU: Yes, Gohan.
Tell her
♪♪Coming Undone♪♪
To put dinner on.
♪♪Coming Undone♪♪
Because I'm hungry. [Our hero, people.]
♪♪Coming Undone♪♪
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
VEGETA: Alright, are you ready for this?
GOKU: You bet I am! But first, why don’t we take this battle somewhere else?
VEGETA: What's wrong with here?
GOKU: I don’t know. Something about it doesn’t feel right.
VEGETA: Well, it is a little corpse-y. [A little?]
[Wind blowing]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on King Kai’s planet...
KING KAI: 'So, the fight is about to begin.'
'The showdown between the Saiyan elite; and the low-class warrior, trained by me.'
Takin’ all bets, guys! Takin’ all bets!
[Monkey noises]
BOJACK: Yargh! I bet 50 gold doubloons on the short one.
GREGORY: Uh, sir, is this really appropriate?
If Goku loses, the entire Earth could be destroyed.
KING KAI: ...You were saying...?
GREGORY: D’ah. 1,000 zeni on Goku.
NARRATOR: Hey, can I get in on this?
KING KAI: Wait a second! Don’t you already know the outcome of the fight?
NARRATOR: N-- noooo~
GOKU: This is it!
VEGETA: Ah, yes. A *perfect* place to mark your grave.
GOKU: Listen. We don’t have to do this, you know.
If you leave now and promise to never come back,
I’ll let you go.
And we can stop this meaningless bloodshed.
VEGETA: Such tripe! Where’s your Saiyan pride, Kakarot? [Blame the head trauma.]
We are proud warriors - bred to fight and conquer!
This planet has made you soft.
GOKU: Are you sure about this? Because even if you’re a little~ sorry--
VEGETA: No! I'm not sorry!
GOKU: Are you absolutely sure you--
VEGETA: Yes! I am entirely sure!
I’m going to obliterate you and the rest of this planet myself with my own two--
GOKU: Kaio-ken!!
VEGETA: Kaio-wha--
GOKU: AAAH! VEGETA: Kaio-wha--uwagh!
[Goku grunts]
[Vegeta panting]
Okay, not bad... but still nothing compared to me.
Now witness the power of a Saiyan elite!
GOKU: Elite? What's that mean?
VEGETA: It means I’m of the upper class. A finer breed! The highest grade of warrior!
[Wind blows]
(Sigh), okay, consider yourself beef jerky while I’m filet mignon.
GOKU: Oooh, I like both those things!
VEGETA: I’m going to start beating you now. I don’t know when I’ll stop.
GOKU: Hopefully before dinner. 'Cause I told Gohan to tell Chi-Chi that--
AH! Unh!
VEGETA: Hah! What’s wrong, Kakarot? Can’t keep up?! [Why fire exactly?] [Better question: Why doesn't he do that more?]
I told you, Kakarot. There’s no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You’re fighting a losing battle here!
You may as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and--
GOKU: KAIO-KEN TIMES *THREE*!
VEGETA: Times wha--?
AAAAAGHHH--!!
This... proves... nothing...! [It kinda does...]
GOKU: Are you okay in there?
VEGETA [o-s]: Yah. I’m fan-f**king-tastic. Nothing but gumdrops and ice cream in here.
GOKU: Oh, really?! Can I come in too?!
VEGETA [o-s]: I’m surrounded by idiots...
GOKU: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice cream…
VEGETA: WAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED BY A LOW-CLASS WRETCH!
GOKU: Aww, sounds like somebody’s got an ice cream headache!
VEGETA [Done with this shit]: THAT’S IT! EVERYONE DIES!
SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR PLANET, KAKAROT!
GOKU: Well that's not very nice...
VEGETA: OF COURSE NOT! I’M F**KING EVIL!!
GALICK GUN…!
GOKU: Oooh! Did he say garlic--
VEGETA: HUUUAAAARRRGH...!
GOKU: ...Oh, man!
KAAAAAAA
MEEEEE
HAAAAAAAA
MEEEEEEEE
VEGETA: ...FIIIIIIIREEE!!!
GOKU: ...HAAAAAAAAA!!!!
VEGETA: This is the end, Kakarot!
You don’t stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack! [That's a lie.]
Now perish, with the rest of your pathetic world!
GOKU: [Grunting]
KAIO-KEN...
VEGETA: Noooo...! [Yeah]
GOKU: TIIIIIIIMES...
VEGETA: No, no no! [Yeah, yeap, yep]
GOKU: FOUUUURRRR!
VEGETA: NononononononoNONO-- [Yeayayayayaya--]
VEGETA: NononononononoNONO--
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuu...! [It goes, goes, aaaaand it's gone]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
[Clock ticking]
BULMA: Remember when we used to do stuff? [Nope.]
You know? Be out there with them? And help? [Nope again.]
[Sounds of agreement]
OOLONG: And remember the Red Ribbon Army?
[All agree]
ROSHI: And what about King Piccolo?
[Assent]
BULMA: Whatever happened to Launch?
[The silence is real]
ROSHI: Who?
♪♪ “The Singing Sea” from Cowboy Bebop ♪♪
LAUNCH: (Sigh) [I miss her]
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the plot...
VEGETA: ...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! [That has to be a record.]
[Panting]
Son of a BITCH!
This can't be happening!
I’m the Prince! I’m supposed to be the best by default! [No it doesn't]
[Panting]
I'll show that little bastard!
I’ll become the mighty Oozaru, and crush him into the--!
...Where’s the Moon?
WHERE’S THE DAMN MOON?! [IT'S STILL DAY!]
PICCOLO: MOOOOOOOOON~! [BLLLLLLAAAAAAST]
GOKU: Huh?
VEGETA: Very clever, Kakarot! I’d taken you for a fool but it seems you’re far more cunning than you let on!
But destroying the Moon won’t stop me! We’ve learned to create artificial moons that supply the necessary Bl-- [Bardock apparently created that technique... so there's that]
GOKU: Question!
VEGETA: What?
GOKU: Are they made of cheese?
VEGETA: I’m going to enjoy this far more than I should.
GOKU: Ah, uwaaahaa...! VEGETA: Now watch, Kakarot!
As your life becomes inconsequential, as I reveal my GIANT MONKEY-- [0-0]
AUDIENCE: [Aghast gasps] [Who the fuck shot that angle?]
VEGETA: ...form!
AUDIENCE: [Sighs of relief]
BYSTANDER: Thank God; I thought he meant penis!
VEGETA: [Growling with a deepening voice]
GOKU: 'He's getting huge!'
'That means he’ll only be stronger. That means he won’t be as fast--'
OhGodhe’sstillasfast!
VEGETA: ROOAAARGH!
GOKU: 'He’s too powerful! I have to come up with a plan!'
'Wait! I know!' I just have to think like a monkey! Hmmm… [But...you are a monkey.]
[Monkey noises]
'Hey! It’s working!'
KING KAI [telephatically]: No, that’s just Bubbles. Get off my back, Bubbles!
[Thud] [Bubbles groans]
Goku, listen! The only way you can beat him is if you use the Spirit Bomb!
GOKU [t]: On it!
KING KAI [t]: And whatever you do, make sure you’re very well hidden! It’s going to take a lot of time to gather up all that energy! [Screw campers]
GOKU: AAAAUGH!
[Static]
PHONE OPERATOR: We’re sorry. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again later.
KING KAI: Huh...