[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
[Sounds of traffic]
MASTER ROSHI: Hey there, Goku. How goes the recovery?
FORMER COMA PATIENT: Well, the doctor said I should be in here for a couple of months; what with the crushed legs, shattered ribs...
...and the brain damage. [You mean more than before?]
...and the brain damage... and the brain damage. [Error 404: Brain may be melting into slag]
...and the brain damage... and the brain damage ...and the brain damage. [Deleting: GOKU/knowledge/commonsense.doc] [restarting system]
Oh hey Master Roshi, when did you get here? [.... OK I'm just going to accept this as Goku stupidity]
DOCTOR FIELDGOOD: Mister... "San Gaa-ku"? [Doctor's handwriting everyone]
You have another visitor to see you.
GOKU: What? But... all my friends are already here. [What about Launch? Or Oolong?]
OVERLORD POPO: Not *all* of them. [Uh-oh]
GOKU: Uh... uh... uh! [PTSD attack is coming]
[DUN] [Flashback]
YOUNG GOKU: Yay! I made it to the top!
[ANOTHER DUN] Now I can train with Kami!
[THIRD DUN] The strongest, most powerful--
[WE'RE DUN FOUR] --being on the--
...Hmm? Who's--
[#DUN] --that?
[DUN]
[DUN DUN]
[DUN DUN DUN]
[DUN DUN DUN DUN]
[DUN INTENSIFIES] [OVERLORD POPO [directly into Goku's soul: HIIIII~]
[Monitor beeping rapidly in time with the DUNs in Goku's maggot head] [Flashback ends]
GOKU: AAAAAH! AAAAH! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!
NURSE 1: Hold him down! GOKU: AAAAAAAYAAAH!
NURSE 2: Careful, he’s injured! GOKU: OH GOD!! OH GOD!!
AAH! UNGH!!! AAH! UNGH!!! AAAAAAH!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
DR. FIELDGOOD: Well, we’ve finally been able to sedate him. Took us a while; we had to go through some alternative treatment.
MAS. ROSHI: Oh, really? What did you use?
DR. FIELDGOOD: Something I found under the sink. I think it was... Clorox or something. [Bit overboard there... maybe]
GOKU: Aarrggargggg... [Eh, it's Goku. Don't think it'll hurt more than usual]
DR. FIELDGOOD: Well, page me if you need me.
DARK LORD POPO: Byyye~
MAS. ROSHI: Oh, you’re still here. Who are you anyway? [Why wouldn't he be?]
KORIN: That’s Dark Lord Popo. He lives up on the lookout with Kami. [You mean used to...]
MAS. ROSHI: ...Did that cat just talk? [You spent three years with him...]
DARK LORD POPO: Alright. Everyone listen up if you want to get those other useless maggots back.
KRILLIN: You mean, you can get our friends back--?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): Shut up, maggot! [0.0]
MAGGOT: Yes, Sir!
DARK LORD POPO: As I was saying,
the only hope to get your friends back is to use the Dragon Balls on Kami’s home planet:
Namek.
BULMA: Namek? That’s not a planet I’ve ever heard of. [Of course you haven't]
DARK LORD POPO: Oh, look at that. A woman who doesn’t know any better. What are the odds?
KRILLIN: To be fair, Lord Popo, until recently I’ve never heard of that planet either.
DARK LORD POPO: Oh, look at that. A woman who doesn’t know any better.
A Woman Who Doesn’t Wnow any Bette: AGA--d'aah! Dammit I walked right into that one. [Ding]
DARK LORD POPO: Anyway, I’m the only one who knows where Kami’s old ship is,
and the only one with the transportation to get you there.
And this is a carpet made for two~ [GEORGE TAKEI: Oh my~]
BULMA: Well, I think the only way to fairly decide on this is to have a democratic vote--
KRILLIN: Bulma!
MAS. ROSHI: Bulma! KORIN: Bulma.
GOHAN: Bulma.
YAJIROBE: Bulma.
OX KING: Yoooohooo! Bulma.
GOKU: (Gurgle) [I think that means "Bulma"]
BULMA: Okay, um... uh... oh! [Hey, it was your idea]
HA! We don’t need your help!
I’ve got right here a remote control to one of the crashed Saiyan ships. All I have to do is put in these coordinates and...
{SSSSSS}
FUCKED: YEEEEEEE--!! {BOOM}
[1000 Hz audio tone]
VOICE: CRITICAL FAILURE! [XD]
DARK LORD POPO: Well, well, well. Look who just ran out of options... [He planned that]
MAS. ROSHI: Dammit, Bulma, stop being such a scaredy-cat and get on the carpet with the scary genie. [KORIN: I take offense to that!]
BULMA: Ugh, I swear to God - if anything happens to me while I’m gone, I’m kicking Krillins’ ass. [Why just him?] [I mean, he does have an owned count]
DARK LORD POPO: Oh, you and I are gonna get along just fine. BULMA: (Distressed noises)
{BYEOO}
DARK LORD POPO: Alright, here we are - Yunzabit Heights. [Iceland?]
BULMA: Wait a sec... how did we make it here so fast? This is the other side of the planet! [Are you serious? The dude's a genie!]
DARK LORD POPO: Yep, this carpet gets about ten thousand miles to the soul. [It prefers women]
BULMA: What?
DARK LORD POPO: ...The gallon. [HA!]
BULMA: But... if you can make it to the other side of the planet so fast,
why didn’t you help Goku get to the Saiyans when he arrived on Earth?
DARK LORD POPO: I was preoccupied... [Delicious murder anyone?]
[Flashback]
GOKU: Lord Popo! I need your carpet to get to my friends as quickly as possible!
DARK LORD POPO [off-screen]: Makin' toast! [I wouldn't interrupt him... he makes damn good toast]
GOKU: Aww, fiiine...!
Nimbus!
{WHOOSH}
{DING}
DARK LORD POPO [o-s]: Butterin' toast! [Damn good toast]
[Flashback ends]
Here it is - Kami’s ship. [How has no one found it till now?]
BULMA: It’s old and covered in moss! [I mean, have you seen Kami?]
DARK LORD POPO: I know. Fits, doesn’t it? Now get in. [It even matches the hair]
BULMA: But, how do we--
DARK LORD POPO: Popo!
{WHRRRRRRR}
BULMA: Oh wow! Your name opens the ship?
DARK LORD POPO: Popo!
{WHIRRR}
BULMA: ...And it closes it too!
DARK LORD POPO: POPO!!
[Ship whooshes] BULMA: AAAAAAAAAAH!!
[Tire skid noise] BULMA: AAAAAAAAAAH!!
DARK LORD POPO: No; it just knows better. [As it should] Welcome to Jupiter.
BULMA: My God! We’re so far into space! In such a short amount of time!
This is wonderful, Lord Popo! We can finally save our friends! This is terrific! This is--
DARK LORD POPO: POOOOOOPO--
OOOOOOOO!! BULMA: AAAAAAAAAAH!!
And we went to Jupiter in just a couple of seconds! We’ll be at Namek in no time!
And even better, Lord Popo could be our pilot! [Yeah, like that'll ever happen...]
KRILLIN: OH DEAR GOD!
DARK LORD POPO: No. [Told you]
KRILLIN [o-s]: OH THANK GOD!
BULMA: But, why aren’t you--
DARK LORD POPO: If I was going to do it myself, why would I need you? [Growing pot is serious business ;)]
See you when you get back!
Except...
See you when you get back! Except... this season...
See you when you get back! Except... this season... you.
[Well, *that's* not ominous as hell...]
KRILLIN [nervous]: Heh... whaddya think he means by that? Heh. [You know what he means]
CHI-CHI: Well, all I know is that my little boy isn’t going anywhere.
GOHAN: Actually, Mom... I’m going to Namek. [Rebellious phase initiated]
CHI-CHI: As.
CHI-CHI: As. I.
CHI-CHI: As. I. Said.
My little boy...
CHI-CHI: As. I. Said. My little boy... isn't...
CHI-CHI: As. I. Said. My little boy... isn't... going...
CHI-CHI: As. I. Said. My little boy... isn't... going... *anywhere*!
REBELLIOUS SON: But Mom! Piccolo died for me! It’s my responsibility! [Only because you didn't DOOOOODGE]
CHI-CHI: Gohan, I am your mother! And as your mother, you will listen to me, and you will do as I say!
STILL REBELLIOUS SON: But that's not--
CHI-CHI: Did you carry around a baby in you for nine months, with a man who literally thought you had Cinna-Buns hidden in your shirt?!
EVEN MORE REBELLIOUS SON: But I--
CHI-CHI: Now you’re going to lay in this hospital bed, recover like a normal boy, and then you’re going right back to your Advanced Trig classes,
AND THAT IS THE LAST WE WILL--!!
FINALLY SNAPPED: SHUT YOUR F**KING FACE!!!
[The awkwardness is real]
...I’ll be going to Namek now. [You're grounded if you stay here so yeah]
CHI-CHI: You best.
{SLAM}
BULMA: Uh well, uh... better get started on that ship!
NOW GROUNDED: Please hurry...
NARRATOR: With that, Bulma got to work on the ship to prepare it for their travel.
BULMA: Hey Dad, how are things coming along?
DR. BRIEFS: Well, I’m working on your translator, but all I can get it to do is translate the Namekian into another language I don’t understand.
TOILET: Toire de arimasu! (Japanese for “I am a toilet”)
DR. BRIEFS: Damn moon-speak!
NARRATOR: And in ten days, the remaining warriors* were recovered and ready to set out to Namek. [* All two of them]
KRILLIN: So, you sure this thing’s ready to fly?
BULMA: Yep! I’ve gotten everything worked out. Well, except for one thing:
We couldn’t fix the translator for the toilet...
TOILET: ICH BIN GEFÜLLT MIT PISSWASSER! (German for “I am filled with pee”)
MAS. ROSHI: Hey, I think I see their car.
KRILLIN [o-s]: Hey Gohan, how are yo--
KRILLIN [o-s]: Hey Gohan, how are yo--ooOOOH MY GOD!
What happened to your head? You look like a young Moe Howard!
MOE HOWARD: Well look who’s talking, Curly! [Totally not taking it to heart]
CURLY [o-s]: Why, I oughta--!
BULMA: Clam it, chowderheads, we gotta get going! [Why are they launching from Kame House btw?]
GOHAN: Bye everybody!
CHI-CHI [o-s]: Now Gohan, don’t make any friends with any questionable strangers! [Does Dende qualify as a friend?]
That includes you, Krillin! [HA!]
KRILLIN: So Bulma, where do I put my stuff?
BULMA: Sit down, strap in, and shut up! [Alliterative much?]
KRILLIN: Uh, alright...
So Gohan, how much stuff did you bring?
GOHAN [o-s]: Well, Mom packed my bags, so there’s a lot in there. [Books about peach farms mainly]
KRILLIN [o-s]: Well, you know what they say: “Always be prepared”.
BULMA: Popo.
KRILLIN [o-s]: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! GOHAN [o-s]: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
{TCHING}
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
{Captions by PyroAvok}
GOKU: Gggrarrrggagrggagrag... bacon.... hcrrrg... [They should really do something about that]