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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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[Sounds of traffic]

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MASTER ROSHI: Hey there, Goku. How goes the recovery?

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FORMER COMA PATIENT: Well, the doctor said I should be in here
for a couple of months; what with the crushed legs, shattered ribs...

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...and the brain damage.
[You mean more than before?]

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...and the brain damage... and the brain damage.
[Error 404: Brain may be melting into slag]

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...and the brain damage... and the brain damage ...and the brain damage.
[Deleting: GOKU/knowledge/commonsense.doc] [restarting system]

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Oh hey Master Roshi, when did you get here?
[.... OK I'm just going to accept this as Goku stupidity]

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DOCTOR FIELDGOOD: Mister... "San Gaa-ku"?
[Doctor's handwriting everyone]

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You have another visitor to see you.

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GOKU: What? But... all my friends are already here.
[What about Launch? Or Oolong?]

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OVERLORD POPO: Not *all* of them.
[Uh-oh]

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GOKU: Uh... uh... uh!
[PTSD attack is coming]

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[DUN]
[Flashback]

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YOUNG GOKU: Yay! I made it to the top!

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[ANOTHER DUN]
Now I can train with Kami!

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[THIRD DUN]
The strongest, most powerful--

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[WE'RE DUN FOUR]
--being on the--

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...Hmm? Who's--

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[#DUN]
--that?

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[DUN]

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[DUN DUN]

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[DUN DUN DUN]

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[DUN DUN DUN DUN]

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[DUN INTENSIFIES]
[OVERLORD POPO [directly into Goku's soul: HIIIII~]

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[Monitor beeping rapidly in time with the DUNs in Goku's maggot head]
[Flashback ends]

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GOKU: AAAAAH! AAAAH! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!

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NURSE 1: Hold him down!
GOKU: AAAAAAAYAAAH!

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NURSE 2: Careful, he’s injured!
GOKU: OH GOD!! OH GOD!!

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AAH! UNGH!!! AAH! UNGH!!! AAAAAAH!

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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DR. FIELDGOOD: Well, we’ve finally been able to sedate him.
Took us a while; we had to go through some alternative treatment.

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MAS. ROSHI: Oh, really? What did you use?

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DR. FIELDGOOD: Something I found under the sink.
I think it was... Clorox or something.
[Bit overboard there... maybe]

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GOKU: Aarrggargggg...
[Eh, it's Goku. Don't think it'll hurt more than usual]

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DR. FIELDGOOD: Well, page me if you need me.

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DARK LORD POPO: Byyye~

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MAS. ROSHI: Oh, you’re still here. Who are you anyway? [Why wouldn't he be?]

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KORIN: That’s Dark Lord Popo. He lives up on the lookout with Kami.
[You mean used to...]

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MAS. ROSHI: ...Did that cat just talk?
[You spent three years with him...]

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DARK LORD POPO: Alright. Everyone listen up if you
want to get those other useless maggots back.

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KRILLIN: You mean, you can get our friends back--?

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( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): Shut up, maggot!
[0.0]

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MAGGOT: Yes, Sir!

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DARK LORD POPO: As I was saying,

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the only hope to get your friends back
is to use the Dragon Balls on Kami’s home planet:

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Namek.

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BULMA: Namek? That’s not a planet I’ve ever heard of.
[Of course you haven't]

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DARK LORD POPO: Oh, look at that. A woman who
doesn’t know any better. What are the odds?

54
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KRILLIN: To be fair, Lord Popo, until recently
I’ve never heard of that planet either.

55
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DARK LORD POPO: Oh, look at that.
 A woman who doesn’t know any better.

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A Woman Who Doesn’t Wnow any Bette: AGA--d'aah! Dammit I walked right into that one.
[Ding]

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DARK LORD POPO: Anyway, I’m the only one
who knows where Kami’s old ship is,

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and the only one with the transportation to get you there.

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And this is a carpet made for two~
[GEORGE TAKEI: Oh my~]

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BULMA: Well, I think the only way to fairly
decide on this is to have a democratic vote--

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KRILLIN: Bulma!

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MAS. ROSHI: Bulma!
KORIN: Bulma.

63
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GOHAN: Bulma.

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YAJIROBE: Bulma.

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OX KING: Yoooohooo! Bulma.

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GOKU: (Gurgle)
[I think that means "Bulma"]

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BULMA: Okay, um... uh... oh!
[Hey, it was your idea]

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HA! We don’t need your help!

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I’ve got right here a remote control to one of the crashed Saiyan ships.
All I have to do is put in these coordinates and...

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{SSSSSS}

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FUCKED: YEEEEEEE--!!
{BOOM}

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[1000 Hz audio tone]

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VOICE: CRITICAL FAILURE!
[XD]

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DARK LORD POPO: Well, well, well. Look who just ran out of options...
[He planned that]

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MAS. ROSHI: Dammit, Bulma, stop being such a
scaredy-cat and get on the carpet with the scary genie.
[KORIN: I take offense to that!]

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BULMA: Ugh, I swear to God - if anything happens
to me while I’m gone, I’m kicking Krillins’ ass.
[Why just him?]
[I mean, he does have an owned count]

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DARK LORD POPO: Oh, you and I are gonna get along just fine.
BULMA: (Distressed noises)

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{BYEOO}

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{BYEOO}

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DARK LORD POPO: Alright, here we are - Yunzabit Heights.
[Iceland?]

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BULMA: Wait a sec... how did we make it here so fast?
This is the other side of the planet! 
[Are you serious? The dude's a genie!]

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DARK LORD POPO: Yep, this carpet gets
about ten thousand miles to the soul.
[It prefers women]

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BULMA: What?

84
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DARK LORD POPO: ...The gallon.
[HA!]

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BULMA: But... if you can make it to the other side of the planet so fast,

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why didn’t you help Goku get to the Saiyans when he arrived on Earth?

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DARK LORD POPO: I was preoccupied...
[Delicious murder anyone?]

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[Flashback]

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GOKU: Lord Popo! I need your carpet to get
to my friends as quickly as possible!

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DARK LORD POPO [off-screen]: Makin' toast!
[I wouldn't interrupt him... he makes damn good toast]

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GOKU: Aww, fiiine...!

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Nimbus!

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{WHOOSH}

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{DING}

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DARK LORD POPO [o-s]: Butterin' toast!
[Damn good toast]

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[Flashback ends]

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Here it is - Kami’s ship.
[How has no one found it till now?]

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BULMA: It’s old and covered in moss!
[I mean, have you seen Kami?]

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DARK LORD POPO: I know. Fits, doesn’t it? Now get in.
[It even matches the hair]

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BULMA: But, how do we--

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DARK LORD POPO: Popo!

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{WHRRRRRRR}

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BULMA: Oh wow! Your name opens the ship?

104
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DARK LORD POPO: Popo!

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{WHIRRR}

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BULMA: ...And it closes it too!

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DARK LORD POPO: POPO!!

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[Ship whooshes]
BULMA: AAAAAAAAAAH!!

109
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[Tire skid noise]
BULMA: AAAAAAAAAAH!!

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DARK LORD POPO: No; it just knows better. [As it should]
Welcome to Jupiter.

111
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BULMA: My God! We’re so far into space!
In such a short amount of time!

112
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This is wonderful, Lord Popo! We can finally
save our friends! This is terrific! This is--

113
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DARK LORD POPO: POOOOOOPO--

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OOOOOOOO!!
BULMA: AAAAAAAAAAH!!

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And we went to Jupiter in just a couple of seconds!
We’ll be at Namek in no time!

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And even better, Lord Popo could be our pilot!
[Yeah, like that'll ever happen...]

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KRILLIN: OH DEAR GOD!

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DARK LORD POPO: No.
[Told you]

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KRILLIN [o-s]: OH THANK GOD!

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BULMA: But, why aren’t you--

121
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DARK LORD POPO: If I was going to do it myself, why would I need you?
[Growing pot is serious business ;)]

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See you when you get back!

123
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See you when you get back!
Except...

124
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See you when you get back!
Except... this season...

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See you when you get back!
Except... this season... you.

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[Well, *that's* not ominous as hell...]

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KRILLIN [nervous]: Heh... whaddya think he means by that? Heh.
[You know what he means]

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CHI-CHI: Well, all I know is that my little boy isn’t going anywhere.

129
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GOHAN: Actually, Mom... I’m going to Namek.
[Rebellious phase initiated]

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CHI-CHI: As.

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CHI-CHI: As. I.

132
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CHI-CHI: As. I. Said.

133
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CHI-CHI: As. I. Said.
My little boy...

134
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CHI-CHI: As. I. Said.
My little boy... isn't...

135
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CHI-CHI: As. I. Said.
My little boy... isn't... going...

136
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CHI-CHI: As. I. Said.
My little boy... isn't... going... *anywhere*!

137
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REBELLIOUS SON: But Mom! Piccolo died for me! It’s my responsibility!
[Only because you didn't DOOOOODGE]

138
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CHI-CHI: Gohan, I am your mother! And as your mother,
you will listen to me, and you will do as I say!

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STILL REBELLIOUS SON: But that's not--

140
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CHI-CHI: Did you carry around a baby in you for nine months, with a
man who literally thought you had Cinna-Buns hidden in your shirt?!

141
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EVEN MORE REBELLIOUS SON: But I--

142
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CHI-CHI: Now you’re going to lay in this hospital bed, recover like a normal boy,
and then you’re going right back to your Advanced Trig classes,

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AND THAT IS THE LAST WE WILL--!!

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FINALLY SNAPPED: SHUT YOUR F**KING FACE!!!

145
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[The awkwardness is real]

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...I’ll be going to Namek now.
[You're grounded if you stay here so yeah]

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CHI-CHI: You best.

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{SLAM}

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BULMA: Uh well, uh... better get started on that ship!

150
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NOW GROUNDED: Please hurry...

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NARRATOR: With that, Bulma got to work
on the ship to prepare it for their travel.

152
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BULMA: Hey Dad, how are things coming along?

153
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DR. BRIEFS: Well, I’m working on your translator, but all I can get it to
do is translate the Namekian into another language I don’t understand.

154
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TOILET: Toire de arimasu!
(Japanese for “I am a toilet”)

155
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DR. BRIEFS: Damn moon-speak!

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NARRATOR: And in ten days, the remaining warriors*
were recovered and ready to set out to Namek.
[* All two of them]

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KRILLIN: So, you sure this thing’s ready to fly?

158
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BULMA: Yep! I’ve gotten everything worked out.
Well, except for one thing:

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We couldn’t fix the translator for the toilet...

160
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TOILET: ICH BIN GEFÜLLT MIT PISSWASSER!
(German for “I am filled with pee”)

161
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MAS. ROSHI: Hey, I think I see their car.

162
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,160
KRILLIN [o-s]: Hey Gohan, how are yo--

163
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KRILLIN [o-s]: Hey Gohan, how are yo--ooOOOH MY GOD!

164
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What happened to your head?
You look like a young Moe Howard!

165
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MOE HOWARD: Well look who’s talking, Curly!
[Totally not taking it to heart]

166
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CURLY [o-s]: Why, I oughta--!

167
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BULMA: Clam it, chowderheads, we gotta get going!
[Why are they launching from Kame House btw?]

168
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GOHAN: Bye everybody!

169
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CHI-CHI [o-s]: Now Gohan, don’t make any
friends with any questionable strangers! 
[Does Dende qualify as a friend?]

170
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That includes you, Krillin!
[HA!]

171
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KRILLIN: So Bulma, where do I put my stuff?

172
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BULMA: Sit down, strap in, and shut up!
[Alliterative much?]

173
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KRILLIN: Uh, alright...

174
00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,020
So Gohan, how much stuff did you bring?

175
00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:18,240
GOHAN [o-s]: Well, Mom packed my bags, so there’s a lot in there.
[Books about peach farms mainly]

176
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KRILLIN [o-s]: Well, you know what they say:
“Always be prepared”.

177
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BULMA: Popo.

178
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KRILLIN [o-s]: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
GOHAN [o-s]: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

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{TCHING}

180
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[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]

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{Captions by PyroAvok}

182
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GOKU: Gggrarrrggagrggagrag... bacon.... hcrrrg... 
[They should really do something about that]