[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
KRILLIN: Alright, Gohan... keep your power level down.
GOHAN: I’m trying, but I can’t seem to get it as low as yours, Krillin.
KRILLIN: But I haven’t ev-- I mean, yeah!
Like me! [Good save][The birth of "Stealth Mode"]
GOHAN: Hey, Krillin, look! The Dragon Balls!
KRILLIN: *Whoa*, those things are *huge*! AC/DC be *damned*!
KRILLIN: Jeez... these aliens are scary.
MR. BLOBBY [sotto]: Heh. KRILLIN: Jeez... these aliens are scary.
KRILLIN: Especially that one in the front.
F.A.G. [sotto]: He-heh, heh. KRILLIN: Especially that one in the front.
Looks like a total FAG. [WOAH MAN!]
GOHAN: Krillin!
KRILLIN: What? A "Freaky Alien Genotype". [less offensive]
What’d you think I meant?
GOHAN: Oh. I thought you were calling him a derogatory term for a homosexual.
KRILLIN: THAT THING’S A GUY?! [we still do not know to this day what gender it is]
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
DODORIA: Hmm? What was that?
SPACE DUCKS: NnnghNnnuhhh....
Quack!
DODORIA: Oh, it’s just a space duck.
MOURI: Who are you?
FREEZA: Hello. Allow us to introduce ourselves.
My name is Freeza, and we’re a traveling improv group. Here, let me give you a demonstration:
My men shall play a group of drunken sailors, and you’re a bunch of baby seals.
Aaaand, go.
{POW} BABY SEAL 1: AGH!
BABY SEAL 2: GAAGH--guh!
FREEZA: Aaand, scene. [Eh, 6/10]
MOURI: Ugh... [Young Namekians whimper]
MOURI: What do you want from us? Why are you slaughtering our people?
ANOTHER F.A.G.: Mmm! MOURI: What do you want from us? Why are you slaughtering our people?
FREEZA: Well, you see - I was just in the area, and I thought this would be a delightful place for a summer home--
what the f**k do you think I’m here for?!
MOURI: ...Our trees?
FREEZA: ...Zarbon, two or three more.
ZARBON: Two or three more?
FREEZA: Two or three more.
{POW} BABY SEAL 3: GAH!
BABY SEAL 4: GAAUGH!
FREEZA: Very good, Zarbon! See? Why can’t you be more like him, Dodoria?
DODORIA: Sorreh. Just listening to the space duck.
SPACE DUCK [off-screen, distant]: QUACK!
[LOL] SPACE DUCK [off-screen, distant]: QUACK! QUACK!
DODORIA: What a majestic creature...
FREEZA: Now-h-how, then, all kidding aside…
Where’s the Dragon Ball?
MOURI: We don’t have it.
FREEZA: You know, I’d be inclined to believe you if the last village elder didn’t say the exact same thing…
until we killed everyone and tortured the information out of him, of course.
[Namekians grunt / whimper in fear] It’s the darndest thing, too…
you’re beginning to remind me a lot of him... [doesn't help that a lot of you look the same]
MOURI: Please... do not be upset.
FREEZA: Ohhh, I don’t get upset. I have people to do that for me. [what about when you run out]
Dodoria...
DODORIA: With gusto.
[Foreboding music]
[Foreboding music; young Namekians whimper]
[Foreboding music]
MOURI: (Grunting) [Foreboding music]
[Scouter beeps]
???: Stop right there!
[Musical swell (heroic music)]
FREEZA: Oh, look - more baby seals.
[♫ ▶ ♫] TYPICAL HERO: We’re here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people.
TYPICAL HERO: We’re here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people. (Oh great, heroic speeches) (Like he hasn't heard those a lot)
[♫ ⏸ ♫] FREEZA: Ninety two...[only 92 your slipping]
[♫ ▶ ♫] TYPICAL HERO: This has gone on for too long. And now, you’re going to pay.
[♫ ⏸ ♫] FREEZA: Three hundred and fifty-five… [that's...better]
FREEZA: Three hundred and fifty-five…[that's...better]
[♫ ▶ ♫] TYPICAL HERO: We are…
We…
[♫ ⏸ ♫] What are you--
FREEZA: No, go on, continue, don’t mind me.
TYPICAL HERO: ...Aaand…
[♫ ▶ ♫] TYPICAL HERO: ...Aaand…
We are the ones who will stop you!
[♫ ⏸ ♫] FREEZA: Ooh, wow, four hundred and nineteen. [did you count beerus in that]
[♫ ▶ ♫] TYPICAL HERO: That--
[♫ ⏹ ♫ (Needle scratch)] What the Hell are you doing?!
FREEZA: Oh, sorry, it’s a little hobby of mine.
I hear these heroic speeches so wearily often, so I started making a mental list of how many times I’ve heard certain lines.
TYPICAL HERO: You… You insane bastard!
INSANE BASTARD: One hundred and ninety. [four...counting beerus]
TYPICAL HERO: Yeah? Well... uh... we’re going... to…
F**K YOUR *FACE*!
[Bold boast for a species that can't fuck ;)] FREEZA: Ho-ho-ho, my...!
Twelve. [thirteen...counting bardock]
TYPICAL HERO: Hrrrrgh!
FREEZA: Zarbon, give the command!
ZARBON: Dodoria, give the command!
DODORIA: *Get ‘em*.
DISPOSABLE MOOKS: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
[Disposable Mooks getting their faces f**ked]
BRAVE CHILD: Krillin! We have to help them!
SPACE DUCK: Gohan, we need to stick to the plan.
QUACK!
BRAVE CHILD: What plan? You just keep quacking over and over.
SPACE DUCK: And we’re still *alive*! (Yes, but for now Krillin, for now.)
ZARBON: Sir, they seem to be stronger than we thought.
FREEZA: Oh, how cute. They can hide their little power levels.
{KABOOOM} [Disposable mook screams in the background]
DODORIA: Kinda killin’ our guys.
FREEZA: Oh, we have more of those things back at the ship. It’s not like we’re losing anything valuable.
DODORIA: Gurrh!
FREEZA: Huh--ughhhhhh....
MOURI: Hah! Now you can no longer find our villages! [wrong]
FREEZA: ...*Dodoria*...
Kill them.
DODORIA: 'K.
TYPICAL HERO: Come on, bring it! There’s three of us, and one of you!
DODORIA: Man~, you must suck at math even worse than me.
TYPICAL HERO: What do you mean?
DODORIA: There’s only TWO of you.
TYPICAL HERO: That’s not right--
GAAAAAaah! [It is now :P]
[Light, whimsical music]
PANCHY: Goku! It’s been too long!
GOKU: Hi there, Mrs. Briefs!
PANCHY: Oh Goku, you can call me what everyone else calls me.
GOKU: What's that?
PANCHY: "MILF".
I have no idea what it means, but it’s just the cutest little name! (You should better search the meaning)
DR. BRIEFS: Well, you are quite the MILF, honey. (He's probably the one who started it) Now what are you doing out of the kitchen?
MILF: Oh! My mistake!
DR. BRIEFS: Remember what I told you, sweetie:
DR. BRIEFS: "Wives are for kissing, not talking!" (Laughs) MILF: "Wives are for kissing, not talking!" (Laughs)
Have fun, you two!
GOKU: Wow, is this the ship?
DR. BRIEFS: Well, Bulma told me to start on it while you were in the hospital... in case anything went wrong.
GOKU: Krillin?
DR. BRIEFS: Krillin. (Of course Krillin)
The good thing is it’s almost all done.
GOKU: Wow! This is just the best day ever!
[Light, whimsical music ends in 3] GOKU: Wow! This is just the best day ever!
[Light, whimsical music ends in 2] GOKU: Wow! This is just the best day ever!
[Light, whimsical music ends in 1] GOKU: Wow! This is just the best day ever!
{BAM} [Pest control in action]
MOURI: Eugh!
DODORIA: Whoops. Looks like I miscounted.
I must be havin’ an off day.
FREEZA: Bravo, Dodoria!
Now, seeing as we have no one left to threaten you with…
[Young Namekians whimper] Oh, wait, what are those *adorable* little things over there?
MOURI: You wouldn’t...! (Oh he would)
FREEZA: They’re just so cute, though!
I could just pinch their little heads off! [Literally pinch them off]
Are you going to make me do that? Because at this point, I could go both ways.
ZARBON: As could I, Lord Freeza.
MOURI: Fine. Here. Take the Ball! And leave us be.
KRILLIN: See, Gohan? He’s handing over the Dragon Ball. Now no one else has to die.
FREEZA: Oh, just one more question:
Could you point us in the direction of the next village? You seem to have destroyed our Scouters.
MOURI: That wasn’t part of our deal!
FREEZA: Annnd five hundred!
Dodoria, show them what they’ve won!
MOURI: Uh!
DODORIA: BLUH!
{BOOM} [Cargo destroyed]
{DUN} [You were saying, Krillin?]
{DUN DUN} [You were saying, Krillin?]
{DUN DUN DUN} [You were saying, Krillin?]
YOUNG POSSIBLY BISEXUAL NAMEKIAN: Ah! (Whimpers)
GOHAN: Krillin! He’s *killing* them!
KRILLIN: Happy thoughts, Gohan! Happy thoughts! [Dammit Krillin]
MOURI: You… You killed my son!
DODORIA: Yeah, sorreh 'bout that. How ‘bout I do you a favor?
{PEW}
MOURI: Huuh...?
{SNAK} Ugh--!
[Thud]
DODORIA: There. Now ya won’t miss him. [How nice of him]
GOHAN: Nnnngh!
FREEZA: Oh, and while you’re at it, could you deal with the rest?
[Young Namekian yells in fright] FREEZA: Oh, and while you’re at it, could you deal with the rest?
FUTURE SUPER KAMI: Uh!
GOHAN: (Grunts of suppressed rage)
DODORIA: I really do love kids. They don’t leave much of a mess.
KRILLIN: Breathe, Gohan! You’re a leaf! A leaf in a calm stream!
GOHAN: (Grunts of suppressed rage) KRILLIN: Breathe, Gohan! You’re a leaf! A leaf in a calm stream!
GOHAN: F**K THE STREAM!
DODORIA: The Hell was--
HURGH!
Did I just get hit by a bowl cut?
HURGH!
SPACE DUCK: Quack!
FREEZA: Zarbon… what the Hell was that?
ZARBON: I believe that was the space duck, sir.
GOKU: This ship is awesome!
Now, where’s that button that makes blueberry muffins? [Wait, what?]
DR. BRIEFS: There is no button like that. I never even considered that. [its built in]
GOKU: Are you sure? It’d be really nice to wake up in the morning, push a button, and have muffins.
That’d be great...
wink, wink.
DR. BRIEFS: Dammit, there is no Muffin Button! [yes there is]
GOKU: Darn. So, is it ready to take off then, Dr. Briefs?
DR. BRIEFS: Goodness, no! I still have to install the cappuccino machine!
GOKU: But… But I don’t even drink coffee!
DR. BRIEFS: It’s not coffee, Goku, it’s cappuccino! ( Sooooooooo, no coffee?)
Now stay here; I need to grab the parts from my shop.
Make sure not to touch anything - like the *gravity controls*...
or the *Start Button*.
*The Start Button*.
*Don’t touch*...
...*the Start Button*.
Now I’ll be right back. [enjoy banging your head on a brick wall]
GOKU: Okey-Dokey. [What could possibly go wrong]
I wonder if this is the button...
{BEEP} I wonder if this is the button... (Of course he does it)
[Ship launch] Wheeeeeeeeee...!
DR. BRIEFS: No! Goku! He’s blasted himself off into space!
[Dramatic sting] What has science dooone?!
Sweetie, I do not see a sandwich with that beer.
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
{Captions by PyroAvok}
[Craft whooshing]
GOKU: Mmmm, those muffins smell like they’re almost done!