[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
[Static]
DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: Goku!
GOKU: Hi, Dr. Briefs!
DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: Goku, what have you done?! You've blasted off into space!
You're incredibly lucky I already set the coordinates for Namek, but you...
you...
Where did you get that muffin?
GOKU: Muffin Button.
DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: But... I... never installed a Muffin Button!
GOKU: Then where did I get this muffin...? [Mystery muffin from nowhere?]
DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: Listen very close, Goku.
Whatever you do, don't fool with the gravity controls. It goes up to 100 times Earth's normal gravity. [Why would you even set it to do that?]
GOKU: So what you're saying is:
If I turn up the gravity, then I can get stronger!
DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: NO! What I'm saying is it will crush your bones!
The detrimental effects could be catastrophic! You may never walk again! [He has senzu beans.]
GOKU: Bored now. Gotta train. Bye bye!
DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: GOKU! WAIT!
[Static]
GOKU: I like his mustache.
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
[Birds tweeting]
DODORIA: (Grunts)
ZARBON: Are you alright over there?
DODORIA: Yeah. Little bastards just hit me outta nowhere.
ZARBON: Oh, trust me. I know what it's like to take a hard one to the face. [Oh my...]
FREEZA: Good to see you're still conscious, Dodoria.
Oh, and just so you know, it's not a big deal or anything, you might want to get right onto this one, but
THEY'RE GETTING AWAY, YOU FAT BASTARD!
DODORIA: (Growls angrily)
KRILLIN: Not gonna lie, Gohan; not your brightest move. [At least he did something other than quack off]
GOHAN: Oh, come on, Krillin; we have a two mile lead on him.
Factoring in our speed and velocity and his mass, there's no way he should be able to catch up--
DODORIA: URAAH!
KRILLIN: Well, *look who's wrong*!
GOHAN: There's always room for error!
DODORIA: URAGH!
KRILLIN: AAHRUGH!
'Aw dammit'
'Aw dammitdammitdammit'
'Aw dammitdammitdammitdammitdammit'
'Aw dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammit'
'Aw dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammit--!'
DODORIA [off-screen]: No, you don't!
[Birds tweeting]
ZARBON: How do you think Dodoria is doing up there?
FREEZA: We're talking about one of my finest soldiers.
There's no way that they'll escape Dodoria's grasp.
KRILLIN: D'YAGH! DODORIA: OOGH! [They escape Dodoria's grasp.]
God dammit. [They escape Dodoria's grasp.]
ZARBON: But what if they have any tricks up their sleeves?
FREEZA: Come now, Zarbon! We both know Dodoria would never let them out of sight.
KRILLIN: SOLAR FLARE!!!
[ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ] [Dodoria lets them out of sight.]
DODORIA: God, *dammit*! [Dodoria lets them out of sight.]
ZARBON: Still sir, we have to remember that Vegeta is on the planet.
FREEZA: Oh, please! Like Vegeta could even lay a hand on Dodoria!
DODORIA: D'UGH! [Vegeta lays a hand on Dodoria.]
GOD *DAMMIIIIIIIT*--!!! [Vegeta lays a hand on Dodoria.]
{SPLASH}
(Gasping for air)
VEGETA: 'Sup, Bubblegum?
BUBBLEGUM: Vegeta! You got some serious balls to get the drop on me!
VEGETA: Funny you should mention that. I just happen to be looking for a set.
DODORIA: Well, look at you, Veggie. All grown up and out on your own, trying to move up in the world.
VEGETA: And look at you, packing away more bacon than Hormel.
SUPER HORMEL: Very funny. But you won't be laughing when Freeza finds your scrawny ass.
So how about I make you a deal:
You hand over that pretty red Scouter, and maybe I won't point Freeza in the right direction. [Looks more pink than red.]
VEGETA: Oh! You mean *this* Scouter?
DODORIA: That's right.
VEGETA: Well, I'd be inclined to give it to you; but, you see, there's a problem with it.
DODORIA: And what would that be?
[Scouter crunches and explodes]
VEGETA: It's broken.
DODORIA: Blagh!!! You fool! Now you're as blind as the rest of us!
NOT-SO-BLIND VEGETA: Not quite. See, while I was on Earth, I learned a new trick.
I can sense energy.
DODORIA: How the hell'd you do that?
VEGETA [mumbling]: I dunno.
DODORIA: Wait a minute...! I get it now! Those little bastards I were chasing were Earthlings!
You sent them to lure me away from Freeza!
VEGETA: I'm sorry, but at this point, all I hear is:
"Hit me, Vegeta!"
"Please kill me!"
"God, this armor makes me look fat!"
PESTO: THAT'S IT! RRRRAGH!
MOUTHY!
MOUTHY! LITTLE!
MOUTHY! LITTLE! PRICK!
VEGETA: Where you aiming, Dewgong?
DEWGONG: RRGGHH!
VEGETA: Upsie daisy! DODORIA: RRAAGH!
DODORIA: (Growling in pain)
VEGETA: Any last words before I take you apart like a pink Potato Head? DODORIA: (Growling in pain)
PINK POTATO HEAD: W-W-Wait! I can tell you what really happened to your planet!
VEGETA: You mean that Freeza blew it up?
DODORIA: NO! THATFREEZABLEWITUP!!!
...What?
VEGETA: Really should have told Freeza to keep off the Twitter.
♫
DODORIA: Ple-e-ease,
DODORIA: Ple-e-ease, do-hon't kill me,
DODORIA: Ple-e-ease, do-hon't kill me, I beg ya,
DON'T KILL MEE-EE-EE-ee-ee-eeeee...!
VEGETA: Look at you, Dodoria... you were always so damn proud...
and now here you are, CRYING like a woman!
DODORIA: I AM A WOMAN!!!! [Huh?]
VEGETA: Wha--
...*What*?
DODORIA: I SAID I AM A WOMAN!! [HUH?!]
[Vegeta is processing reveal]
VEGETA: ...WHAT?!
KRILLIN: Welp! Good thing I was there to get us out of that one!
GOHAN: Well, yeah, but, why didn't you use your Kienzan--? [Good question, Gohan]
KRILLIN: HEY LOOK! I even saved this thing. [To Young Namekian] Can you fly, little guy?
YOUNG NAMEKIAN: My name is Dende. And yes; we all learn when we are children.
GOHAN: You know, you should probably stick with us.
DENDE: Considering it is either that, or going back to meet the same fate as my brother and father...
I am weighing my options.
KRILLIN: I like you! I'm gonna call you Little Green!
LITTLE GREEN: My name is Dende.
KRILLIN: Come on, Little Green! Let's go introduce you to Bulma!
DODORIA: ...and that's why I was considered the most beautiful, and fertile, woman on my home planet. [o.o......]
...Before Freeza blew it up.
VEGETA: He tends to do that. Also, huuuughhh!
DODORIA: So now you know the truth, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Yes, I do. And now I'm going to start repressing the truth!
And the first step... is killing you.
DODORIA: W-W-Wait!
You and I, w-we could team up against Freeza! Rule the universe - as husband and wife!
VEGETA: Repressing in 5...
DODORIA: (Panicking) VEGETA: Repressing in 5...
VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4...
VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3...
DODORIA: (Panicking) VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3...
DODORIA: (Panicking) VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3... 2...
VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...!!
DODORIA: (Panicking)
(Screaming)
VEGETA: ...aaaaaand repressed.
GOHAN: Krillin, that's the cave!
KRILLIN: Hey Bulma, you clean up in there? We have guests.
[Monster roaring]
DENDE: I do not think I want to go in there.
KRILLIN: Awww, don't worry. That's just Bulma.
DENDE: I do not know what this "Bulma" is, but it sounds needy.
KRILLIN: Hey Bulma, open up!
NEEDY: Hmm?
Well, if it isn't Mr. Super Soaker himself!
What happened? Got tired of abandoning me and found something else to abandon?
MR. SUPER SOAKER [o-s]: BULMA! You're scaring Little Green!
DENDE: I am still weighing my options...
BULMA: Oh, by the way, my Dad called earlier.
He says Goku's on his way here!
♪ KRILLIN: WOOHOO!
BULMA: And he'll be here in six days. [Damn, fast ship.]
♪ KRILLIN: WOOHOO--
KRILLIN: WOOHOO--oohhhh.....
Well....good thing I took out that life insurance policy.
DENDE: Mr. Gohan? Those things on that person's chest... what are they?
GOHAN: Oh, on Bulma? Those are breasts.
DENDE: They look lovely. I wish to nestle between them...
KRILLIN: You are just adorable! [I agree.]
[Ominous music]
FREEZA: Oh-- no, no Ginyu, we don't need any assistance. We have this all under control.
ZARBON [o-s]: Lord Freeza, I wish to enter.
FREEZA: Oh pardon me, I have to take this. Ta ta!
What is it, Zarbon?
ZARBON: Well, sir, the Scouters reported back.
FREEZA: Gooooood; so Dodoria has eliminated those pests then? [Define Eliminated]
ZARBON: Well... that's just it...
It turns out...
It turns out... she's dead.
FREEZA: ...THE F**K?!
[Closing theme]
GOKU: Now... before I start training, I need the right music to train to!
Let's see here...
[♫ "Live to Win" ♫]
[♫ "Gonna Fly Now" ♫]
[♫ "Never Surrender" ♫]
[♫ "Montage" ♫]
[♫ "Cooking By the Book" ♫] [God dammit Goku.]
YAAAY! [God dammit Goku.]