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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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[Static]

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DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: Goku!

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GOKU: Hi, Dr. Briefs!

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DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: Goku, what have you done?!
You've blasted off into space!

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You're incredibly lucky I already set the coordinates for Namek, but you...

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you...

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Where did you get that muffin?

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GOKU: Muffin Button.

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DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: But... I... never installed a Muffin Button!

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GOKU: Then where did I get this muffin...?
[Mystery muffin from nowhere?]

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DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: Listen very close, Goku.

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Whatever you do, don't fool with the gravity controls.
It goes up to 100 times Earth's normal gravity.
[Why would you even set it to do that?]

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GOKU: So what you're saying is:

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If I turn up the gravity, then I can get stronger!

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DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: NO! What I'm saying is it will crush your bones!

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The detrimental effects could be catastrophic!
You may never walk again!
[He has senzu beans.]

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GOKU: Bored now. Gotta train. Bye bye!

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DR. BRIEFS [on TV]: GOKU! WAIT!

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[Static]

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GOKU: I like his mustache.

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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[Birds tweeting]

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DODORIA: (Grunts)

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ZARBON: Are you alright over there?

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DODORIA: Yeah. Little bastards just hit me outta nowhere.

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ZARBON: Oh, trust me.
I know what it's like to take a hard one to the face.
[Oh my...]

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FREEZA: Good to see you're still conscious, Dodoria.

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Oh, and just so you know, it's not a big deal or anything,
you might want to get right onto this one, but

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THEY'RE GETTING AWAY, YOU FAT BASTARD!

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DODORIA: (Growls angrily)

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KRILLIN: Not gonna lie, Gohan; not your brightest move.
[At least he did something other than quack off]

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GOHAN: Oh, come on, Krillin; we have a two mile lead on him.

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Factoring in our speed and velocity and his mass,
there's no way he should be able to catch up--

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DODORIA: URAAH!

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KRILLIN: Well, *look who's wrong*!

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GOHAN: There's always room for error!

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DODORIA: URAGH!

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KRILLIN: AAHRUGH!

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'Aw dammit'

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'Aw dammitdammitdammit'

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'Aw dammitdammitdammitdammitdammit'

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'Aw dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammit'

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'Aw dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammitdammit--!'

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DODORIA [off-screen]: No, you don't!

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[Birds tweeting]

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ZARBON: How do you think Dodoria is doing up there?

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FREEZA: We're talking about one of my finest soldiers.

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There's no way that they'll escape Dodoria's grasp.

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KRILLIN: D'YAGH!
DODORIA: OOGH!
[They escape Dodoria's grasp.]

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God dammit.
[They escape Dodoria's grasp.]

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ZARBON: But what if they have any tricks up their sleeves?

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FREEZA: Come now, Zarbon!
We both know Dodoria would never let them out of sight.

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KRILLIN: SOLAR FLARE!!!

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[ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]
[Dodoria lets them out of sight.]

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DODORIA: God, *dammit*!
[Dodoria lets them out of sight.]

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ZARBON: Still sir, we have to remember that Vegeta is on the planet.

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FREEZA: Oh, please!
Like Vegeta could even lay a hand on Dodoria!

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DODORIA: D'UGH!
[Vegeta lays a hand on Dodoria.]

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GOD *DAMMIIIIIIIT*--!!!
[Vegeta lays a hand on Dodoria.]

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{SPLASH}

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(Gasping for air)

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VEGETA: 'Sup, Bubblegum?

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BUBBLEGUM: Vegeta! You got some serious balls to get the drop on me!

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VEGETA: Funny you should mention that.
I just happen to be looking for a set.

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DODORIA: Well, look at you, Veggie.
All grown up and out on your own, trying to move up in the world.

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VEGETA: And look at you, packing away more bacon than Hormel.

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SUPER HORMEL: Very funny.
But you won't be laughing when Freeza finds your scrawny ass.

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So how about I make you a deal:

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You hand over that pretty red Scouter,
and maybe I won't point Freeza in the right direction.
[Looks more pink than red.]

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VEGETA: Oh! You mean *this* Scouter?

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DODORIA: That's right.

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VEGETA: Well, I'd be inclined to give it to you;
but, you see, there's a problem with it.

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DODORIA: And what would that be?

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[Scouter crunches and explodes]

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VEGETA: It's broken.

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DODORIA: Blagh!!! You fool! Now you're as blind as the rest of us!

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NOT-SO-BLIND VEGETA: Not quite.
See, while I was on Earth, I learned a new trick.

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I can sense energy.

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DODORIA: How the hell'd you do that?

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VEGETA [mumbling]: I dunno.

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DODORIA: Wait a minute...! I get it now!
Those little bastards I were chasing were Earthlings!

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You sent them to lure me away from Freeza!

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VEGETA: I'm sorry, but at this point, all I hear is:

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"Hit me, Vegeta!"

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"Please kill me!"

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"God, this armor makes me look fat!"

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PESTO: THAT'S IT! RRRRAGH!

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MOUTHY!

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MOUTHY! LITTLE!

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MOUTHY! LITTLE! PRICK!

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VEGETA: Where you aiming, Dewgong?

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DEWGONG: RRGGHH!

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VEGETA: Upsie daisy!
DODORIA: RRAAGH!

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DODORIA: (Growling in pain)

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VEGETA: Any last words before I take you apart like a pink Potato Head?
DODORIA: (Growling in pain)

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PINK POTATO HEAD: W-W-Wait! I can tell you what really happened to your planet!

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VEGETA: You mean that Freeza blew it up?

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DODORIA: NO!
THATFREEZABLEWITUP!!!

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...What?

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VEGETA: Really should have told Freeza to keep off the Twitter.

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♫

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DODORIA: Ple-e-ease,

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DODORIA: Ple-e-ease, do-hon't kill me,

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DODORIA: Ple-e-ease, do-hon't kill me, I beg ya,

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DODORIA: Ple-e-ease, do-hon't kill me, I beg ya,
DON'T KILL MEE-EE-EE-ee-ee-eeeee...!

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VEGETA: Look at you, Dodoria... you were always so damn proud...

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and now here you are, CRYING like a woman!

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DODORIA: I AM A WOMAN!!!!
[Huh?]

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VEGETA: Wha--

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...*What*?

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DODORIA: I SAID I AM A WOMAN!!
[HUH?!]

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[Vegeta is processing reveal]

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VEGETA: ...WHAT?!

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KRILLIN: Welp! Good thing I was there to get us out of that one!

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GOHAN: Well, yeah, but, why didn't you use your Kienzan--?
[Good question, Gohan]

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KRILLIN: HEY LOOK! I even saved this thing.
[To Young Namekian] Can you fly, little guy?

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YOUNG NAMEKIAN: My name is Dende.
And yes; we all learn when we are children.

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GOHAN: You know, you should probably stick with us.

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DENDE: Considering it is either that,
or going back to meet the same fate as my brother and father...

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I am weighing my options.

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KRILLIN: I like you! I'm gonna call you Little Green!

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LITTLE GREEN: My name is Dende.

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KRILLIN: Come on, Little Green! Let's go introduce you to Bulma!

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DODORIA: ...and that's why I was considered
the most beautiful, and fertile, woman on my home planet.
[o.o......]

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...Before Freeza blew it up.

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VEGETA: He tends to do that.
Also, huuuughhh!

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DODORIA: So now you know the truth, Vegeta.

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VEGETA: Yes, I do.
And now I'm going to start repressing the truth!

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And the first step... is killing you.

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DODORIA: W-W-Wait!

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You and I, w-we could team up against Freeza!
Rule the universe - as husband and wife!

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VEGETA: Repressing in 5...

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DODORIA: (Panicking)
VEGETA: Repressing in 5...

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VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4...

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VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3...

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DODORIA: (Panicking)
VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3...

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DODORIA: (Panicking)
VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3... 2...

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VEGETA: Repressing in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...!!

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DODORIA: (Panicking)

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(Screaming)

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VEGETA: ...aaaaaand repressed.

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GOHAN: Krillin, that's the cave!

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KRILLIN: Hey Bulma, you clean up in there?
We have guests.

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[Monster roaring]

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DENDE: I do not think I want to go in there.

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KRILLIN: Awww, don't worry. That's just Bulma.

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DENDE: I do not know what this "Bulma" is, but it sounds needy.

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KRILLIN: Hey Bulma, open up!

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NEEDY: Hmm?

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Well, if it isn't Mr. Super Soaker himself!

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What happened? Got tired of abandoning me
and found something else to abandon?

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MR. SUPER SOAKER [o-s]: BULMA! You're scaring Little Green!

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DENDE: I am still weighing my options...

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BULMA: Oh, by the way, my Dad called earlier.

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He says Goku's on his way here!

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♪
KRILLIN: WOOHOO!

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BULMA: And he'll be here in six days.
[Damn, fast ship.]

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♪
KRILLIN: WOOHOO--

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KRILLIN: WOOHOO--oohhhh.....

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Well....good thing I took out that life insurance policy.

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DENDE: Mr. Gohan?
Those things on that person's chest... what are they?

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GOHAN: Oh, on Bulma? Those are breasts.

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DENDE: They look lovely. I wish to nestle between them...

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KRILLIN: You are just adorable!
[I agree.]

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[Ominous music]

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FREEZA: Oh-- no, no Ginyu, we don't need any assistance.
We have this all under control.

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ZARBON [o-s]: Lord Freeza, I wish to enter.

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FREEZA: Oh pardon me, I have to take this. Ta ta!

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What is it, Zarbon?

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ZARBON: Well, sir, the Scouters reported back.

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FREEZA: Gooooood; so Dodoria has eliminated those pests then?
[Define Eliminated]

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ZARBON: Well... that's just it...

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It turns out...

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It turns out... she's dead.

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FREEZA: ...THE F**K?!

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[Closing theme]

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GOKU: Now... before I start training, I need the right music to train to!

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Let's see here...

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[♫ "Live to Win" ♫]

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[♫ "Gonna Fly Now" ♫]

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[♫ "Never Surrender" ♫]

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[♫ "Montage" ♫]

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[♫ "Cooking By the Book" ♫]
[God dammit Goku.]

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YAAAY!
[God dammit Goku.]