[Disclaimer read by a F.A.G.]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
NARRATOR: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged...
VEGETA: Finally! I've gathered all seven Dragon Balls!
SHENRON: State your wish. [How do you know about Shenron?]
VEGETA: Dragon! Grant me immortality!
SHENRON: Your wish is granted. [we know its a dream cause Shenron isn't being a smartass]
VEGETA: Yes! I've done it!
I'm finally the strongest in all the Universe! [Immortality=/=strength]
WAH HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! >XD
[Well, shit.]
[Vegeta, tired as all hell] I am unstoppable...
ZARBON: Oh, how cute. He's having a little dream. [Thats hot]
VEGETA: Mine!
VEGETA: Mine! Mine!
VEGETA: Mine! Mine! Mine!
VEGETA: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!
VEGETA: Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! [DRAGONBALL]
ZARBON: Now, let's get you back to Lord Freeza.
I need to... probe you for the information. :O
[Uh Oh!]
[Vegeta, hella tired] My power is maximum... [No, that's Broly.]
{♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫}
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! {fading echo} ♫
{Muffled video game noises (Budokai Tenkaichi 3)}
{Normal video game noises}
APULLE: Take that, you bastard.
This one's for Ichpe!
ZARBON: Report!
APULLE: Uh, I just..
I'm just checking...
... his vitals. [yeah, that what you cheeked]
ZARBON: Is he going to make it?
APULLE: Well, it's a good thing you got him to me when you did.
Even a little later, and we might not have been able to save him.
ZARBON: Why isn't he naked? [⊙_⊙]
APULLE: Luckily, we--
...*what*? [sounds hella gay]
ZARBON: In the healing tank; I always thought you needed to be nude.
APULLE: Wha--?
W-why would you think that??? [because is a pervert]
ZARBON: You know, to...
... absorb all the healing juices. [The saiyan's spooge has been really helpful]
⊙_⊙ ಠ_ಠ ⊙_⊙
WELL, looks like you have everything under control here.
APULLE: Freaks me the f*ck out. (Me too dude
[Ghost Nappa] (Whistles)
{Tap, tap, tap}
Is this thing on?
Is it o--
VEGETA: (Moaning)
GHOST NAPPA: OKAY, there we go.
(Clears his throat)
YOU are now thinking about what Zarbon did to you... [I hope he didnt touch me]
while you were unconscious.
[Ghost Nappa] Have fun with that...
VEGETA: (Groaning) [Ghost Nappa] Have fun with that... that...
VEGETA: (Groaning) [Ghost Nappa] Have fun with that... that... that...
VEGETA: (Groaning) [No Zarbon, not there]
APULLE: You know, Vegeta, I've gotta admit - it was pretty impressive how you went all man-hunter on us.
VEGETA: (Groaning intensifies) APULLE: But now, you're all ours.
VEGETA: (Groaning intensifies further) APULLE: And I can't wait to watch Zarbon break you like a glowsti--
Here I come, Ichpe... [see you in HFIL]
FREEZA: And I want you here in twenty-four hours, understood?
And make sure to bring the up-to-date Scouters.
[Ginyu, on screen] Understood, Lord Freeza.
ZARBON: Lord Freeza, I really need to use the space Skype.
FREEZA: Zarbon, what could possibly be so important that you need to interrupt me during my call?
ZARBON: Well, I need to call my girlfriend.
FREEZA: Well, I-- [(THE FUCK?)]
...Ginyu, I'll call you back.
Come again? [shouldn't have ask *him*]
ZARBON: You see, our one-year anniversary is coming up and I want to see where she wants to go so I can make reservations early.
FREEZA: Oh.
And all this time I could have sworn you were-- [He still could be bisexual]
...Nevermind.
ZARBON: What, you thought I was single?
FREEZA: Well, no. I just...
I... thought you were into...
You know, it really doesn't matter.
ZARBON: Well, it matters to me; because, frankly, it sounds like you thought I was--
DISPOSABLE MOOK: LORD FREEZA!
VEGETA'S BROKEN OUT OF THE HEALING T--
Aiee!
FREEZA: Oh, no. That minion died.
Could you go fix that? [how? give him nouth to mouth?]
We'll continue this conversation never. [Smooth.]
ZARBON: ...Did he say something about Vegeta?
[Freeza] What?
{Explosion}
Zarbon ...
... who did you leave guarding him?
{Alarm} APULLE?!
YOU LEFT APULLE HERE?!
ZARBON: Well, I thought he could handle it!
FREEZA: Apulle couldn't handle a shot of raspberry Schnapps, much less Vegeta!
Oh, where's the damn phone? I need to make another call.
ZARBON: Yes, sir! I'll go look for Vegeta!
He won't get far!
VEGETA: 'Yes, that's right. Search all over for me, Zarbon.'
'Of course, you'd never think to check inside your own SHIP!' [thats Freaza's ship actually]
'You know what they say:'
'"Keep your friends close ..."'
'"... and your enemies closer."' [Is that why he went to live to Earth?]
Huhaha!
Huhaha! Hahaha!
Huhaha! Hahaha! HA, hahahahahahahaha! Ha--
[Minion, off-screen] Lord Freeza, I found him!
VEGETA: Ah, f*ck it.
[Minion, o-s] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
[Freeza, over comm] Ginyu! Hurry up, double time!
Zarbon really screwed the pooch on this one.
[Zarbon, oc] Lord Freeza, Vegeta's really giving us a pounding!
[Freeza, oc] I'm coming, Zarbon! Quick, grab my Balls! phrasing]
{Call ended}
{Snickering}
{Laughter}
{♫ A parody of "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" ♫}
VEGETA: ♫ I've got a lovely bunch of Dragon Balls ♫
♫ Do-do-do-do-do ♫
♫ Here they are, all sitting in a bunch ♫
♫ Doo-doo-doo ♫
♫ One star ♫
♫ Two star ♫
♫ All as big as my head! ♫
♫ Give 'em a toss ♫
♫ A planet across ♫
♫ That's how Vegeta wins ♫
♫ Ba-bye! ♫ :P
FREEZA: Damn it all to hell, he's gone!
And he took off with my Dragon Balls!
ZARBON: Lord Freeza, I found a note!
FREEZA: Let me see that!
It just says "Dear Fr ̶i̶eeza", and it's a picture of a butt.
Curious Perv: Can I see it, Lord Freeza?
FREEZA: Vegeta!
Dragon Balls!
NOW!!!!
ZARBON: Yes, sir!
'Dammit! He's up here somewhere! I just need to spot the bastard!'
The Bastard: 'Later, bitches.'
{Submarine dive alarm}
GOKU: Whew!
It's taken me five whole days!
But I'm finally up to 100x gravity!
It's a good thing I brought along all these Senzu...
Aw man, it looks like we only have four left.
Aw well, we won't need that many on Namek. [Dammit Goku.]
Om nom nom!
(Gulp)
Mmmmm, tastes like healing. [Is healing bland and tasteless?]
[King Kai, telephatically] Hello, Goku? Do you hear me?
I swear to God, if this is George Takei again
I'm gonna shove a brick up the Verizon guy's a--
[Goku, t] King Kai?
[King Kai, t] Ah, there you are Goku.
I see you're on your way to Namek.
[Goku, t] I'm gonna beat someone up!
[King Kai, t] Of course, you are.
But listen!
There's someone on Namek that you must absolutely stay away from.
You hear me?
He's even *stronger* than Vegeta, and he--
[Goku, t] I know!
[King Kai, t] What?
[Goku, t] I'm gonna beat him up!
[King Kai, t] Goku, no.
This is nothing like Vegeta. It is much, MUCH worse.
[Goku, t] Uh huh...!
[King Kai, t] He is known throughout the galaxy as the most terrifying and evil person there is!
[Goku, t] Really?!
[King Kai, t] He's conquered hundreds of planets!
And slaughtered *billions* of people!
[Goku, t] Eeeeeeeeeeee! [Dammit Goku]
[King Kai, t] Stop it! Stop getting excited!
Now promise me you will not fight hi--
[Goku, t] Ooo, I can see Planet Namek!
*BZZZT*
Naw, wait, naw it's fake. [even Goku know not to trust signs]
[King Kai, t] Goku! Seriously!
Promise me that under no circumstance will you go anywhere near Freeza!
[Goku, t] But, King Kai, I--
[King Kai, t] PROMISE ME!
[Goku, t] Aw, alright.
I promise I will absolutely not--
Click! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
[King Kai, t] What the-- [Goku, t] rrrrrrrr--
(Inhale)
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
[King Kai, t] He-- [Goku, t] rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... {how stupid do you have to be to be fooled by *Goku*}
[King Kai, t] He hung up on me! [Goku, t] rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... {how stupid do you have to be to be fooled by *Goku*}
[Goku, t] rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
[King Kai, t] How the hell did he even do that?! [Goku, t] rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr--
{Call ended}
[King Kai, t] Dammit, I'll call him back!
{Key depressed}
{Phone ringing}
{Click}
Goku, I swear to God! I will ride your *ass* on this one!
[George Takei, t] Oh, myyy~ [that poor Verizon guy ass]
[King Kai, t] DAMMIT, TAKEI!
VEGETA: (Gasping for air)
Alright...
They should be here somewhere.
Aha! They're here!
They're all here.
Perfect. Now, I have six, counting the one I have hidden near the village.
All I have to do now is stay under the radar and not fly around like a jackass, saying
JACKASS: I've got a Dragon Ball!
VEGETA: I was gonna say, "Come and get me, Freeza"
But that works, too!
ZARBON: This is useless! I'm never going to find him like this!
I might as well hide under a rock!
Maybe Lord Freeza won't find me if I just lay low and don't fly around like a jackass, saying
VEGETA: Come to papa, ya bald bastard! [Vegeta doesn't even go with his own plan.]
ZARBON: I was going to say "Come and get me, Freeza"
But that works, too!
{Bulma humming "I'll Give You Romance" (original DB ending theme)}
BULMA: Son of a bitch!
KRILLIN: Huh.
I thought you'd be back in the cave.
BULMA: Well, I WOULD, if I didn't keep finding puddles of--
KRILLIN: Yeah, yeah, I know, in the cave.
Get over it.
Besides! I brought us a Dragon Ball!
BULMA: Oh, wow!
They're much bigger than the ones on Earth.
KRILLIN: Yeah, Gohan and I were pretty surprised, too when we...
Wait...
Where is Gohan?
BULMA: Oh. He took the Dragon Radar.
We found a Dragon Ball that was all on it's own.
KRILLIN: Wait, what?!
GOHAN: I've got a Dragon Ball!
KRILLIN: You let Gohan go out on his own?!
BULMA: Yeah.
What's the big deal?
KRILLIN: Do you have ANY idea what Chi-Chi will do to me if he gets hurt?!
I like my penis where it is, thank you.
BULMA: I still don't see how this is my problem.
KRILLIN: Aw.
Well, we'll just have to wait for him here, then.
At least we have a Dragon Ball!
VEGETA: Hi, there! I'm taking your Dragon Ball.
KRILLIN: Uh...
Care to trade for one of yours?
VEGETA: How 'bout "no"?
KRILLIN: You drive a hard bargain.
ZARBON: Who drives it hard, now?
Hmm-hmm...
VEGETA: Oh, I thought I smelled body glitter...
BODY GLITTER PRINCESS: You. The short one over there.
Give me the Dragon Ball.
KRILLIN: Ummm...
VEGETA: Not so fast! He's handing the Ball over to me!
Right, baldy?
KRILLIN: Uhhh...
Bulma? Little help here?
BULMA: Oh my God, he's so hot!
I just wanna grab him and--
GOKU: sixty-nine...
seventy...
seventy--
VEGETA: One time, you've defeated me, Zarbon.
And that's one time too many.
ZARBON: Nothing's changed, Vegeta.
The last time we fought, you were barely alive when I retrieved your body.
VEGETA: That... reminds me...
Did you DO anything to me while I was unconscious?
ZARBON: Did--
Did I *what*?
VEGETA: Did you do anything to me while I was unconscious?
ZARBON: What?!
No! GOD no!
VEGETA: Oh, thank GOD, I ju--
Wait, what do you mean by that?
Am I not good enough for you?! [Why would you ask that?]
ZARBON: Alright, Vegeta - I'm gonna be totally honest with you.
This is sounding really gay. [and that comming from the F.A.G]
VEGETA: Wha-I--
What are you--
ZARBON: Not that there's anything wrong with that! [no there is not]
VEGETA: Just--
Just- transform, damn you.
BULMA: We're going to have a penthouse suite,
and he'll drive a Corvette,
and we'll make love every single--
KILL IT WITH FIRE! [i don't think it would be enough]
[Zarbon, deep beastly voice] You've made a huge mistake, Vegeta. [What happened to his armor?]
Now prepare to die!
ROOAARRGH!
RRAGH...!
UUGH...!
VEGETA: What was that? I couldn't hear you over that hole I made in your
STOMACH.
ZARBON: But...
Vegeta...
Please...
Just ... give me a chance.
We ... could ... work ......
together--
VEGETA: Yeah, yeah, I've heard that bit already.
Now, let me put this in a way you'll understand.
I'm about to blow my load all over your insides. [OH MY]
ZARBON: ...WHAT, THE--
VEGETA: No homo.
ZARBON: AAAAAAAARRaaaaaaaugh...!
VEGETA: ...Freaky Alien Genotype...
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
DENDE: Guru, sir.
I have a question.
SUPER KAMI GURU: Ask away.
DENDE: You've been around for so long.
Just how old are you?
GURU: I am this many.
DENDE: ...You didn't raise your hand.
SUPER KAMI GURU: That's how OLD I AAAAAAAMMMMM!
BULMA: KILL IT WITH FIRE!