[Disclaimer read by Guldo] [*Throw dog treat*]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
[♫ Red Ribbon Army theme ♫]
CAPTAIN GINYU: Men, introductions!
Ginyu!
Jeice!
Burter!
Guldo!
Recoome!
CPT. GINYU: And together, we are:
[♫ "Sanjō!! Ginyū Tokusentai!!" ♫]
Eriito Senshi - Ginyū Tokusentai!
♫ Tokusentai! ♫
[Tumbleweed sounds]
FREEZA: 'Sure is Zarbon in here.'
CPT. GINYU: Lord Freeza, thank you for this chance to serve you.
RECOOME: AND BUST SOME HEADS!
CPT. GINYU: Quite. But before we get down to business... Jeice!
JEICE: Yes sir, Cap'n. Here you go, Lord Freeza - the new up to date Scouters.
FREEZA: Good. And they have the ringtone I wanted?
CPT. GINYU: Yes, sir.
[♫ "F" by Maximum the Hormone ♫]
FREEZA: Glorious! [♫ "F" by Maximum the Hormone ♫]
Now, as you have been informed, Vegeta and a few other pests have taken my Dragon Balls.
RECOOME: Whoa, whoa, whoa - Vegeta?
BURTER: Little Veggie?
GULDO: What's a Dragon Ball?
RECOOME: Recoome can't believe he had it in him!
BURTER: I know, right?!
GULDO: What's a Dragon Ball?!
FREEZA: Yes, it turns out Zarbon and Dodoria weren't enough. I've called you five here to get them back.
CPT. GINYU: Easy enough. Would you rather them dead, or alive?
FREEZA: Either/or.
CPT. GINYU: Dead it is.
[♫ Red Ribbon Army theme ♫] Ginyu Force, assemble!
BURTER: Speed of light and strength of all
RECOOME: The Ginyu Force shall make them fall
JEICE: Lord King Cold's army's strongest force
GULDO: We'll beat them all, secure the course [Yeah, I'd be making that face too.]
CPT. GINYU: If trouble meets us as we pass
GINYU FORCE: We'll shove our fists right up their ass!
CPT. GINYU: Ginyu Force!
GINYU FORCE: MOVE OUT!
♫ Frieza! Frieza! Frieza! Frie-za! ♫ [This song still rules.]
VEGETA: We're dead!
VEGETA: We're dead! We. Are. Dead!
VEGETA: We're dead! We. Are. Dead! All dead!
All gonna die!
VEGETA: We're dead! We. Are. Dead! All dead! All gonna die! Dead Men Be We!
A cornucopia of pain and despair is coming our way to ensure our demise!
We are so going to die-e-e!
VEGETA [off-screen]: Why-y-y-y?!
GURU: Naaail. Slap him.
{SMACK} KRILLIN [o-s]: Ow! (Why me? Vegeta's the one freaking out!) [Nail knows.]
GURU [o-s]: Thank you.
VEGETA: Every fiber of my being wants to puke at once when I say this...
but I need your heeeh...
I need your heeeheeeeeh...
GOHAN: You need our help?
VEGETA: That, yes.
KRILLIN: Alright, but if we're gonna be a team, we need a name.
VEGETA: No, we don't.
KRILLIN: Ooh, I know! How about "Team Three Star"? [Lame.]
VEGETA: ...What?
KRILLIN: * Well, we're a team
* And there's three of us
* And the Dragon Balls have stars on them.
Team Three Star! [Still Lame.]
VEGETA: That just makes me want to kill you even more,
and you're *still* the second most annoying bald person I've ever had the displeasure to work with. [Just wait till he meets Tien.]
SECOND MOST ANNOYING BALD GUY: Team Three Star, move out!
VEGETA: I swear to God...!
[Calm, soothing music]
BULMA: AAAAAH!
[Sinister music]
VEGETA: Hello, Earth woman.
BULMA: Whaa... aaah...
BULMA: aaaah... aah... VEGETA: You know what I want.
Now give it to me.
BULMA: But, the Dragon Ball's right there!
VEGETA: Oh... I'm not here for the Dragon Ball. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
BULMA: Whaa... what?
VEGETA: Spread 'em. [Trunks is coming early.]
BULMA: Ah... AAAAAHHH! [Trunks is coming early.]
[Bulma wakes up] BULMA: Ah... AAAAAHHH!
KRILLIN: Takin' the Dragon Ball! Bitch at me later!
VEGETA: Your hair looks stupid! (I'll still impregnate you though.)
GOHAN: Sorry, Bulma...
BULMA: ALL OF MY HATE!!
GOHAN: Vegeta, if you don't mind me asking... what are we in for?
VEGETA: You ever watch Power Rangers? [Super Sentai.]
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: Ninja Turtles? [Heroes in a half shell]
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: Sailor Moon? [Pretty Soldier]
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: Beetleborgs? [Juukou B-Fighter]
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: VR Troopers? [Superhuman-Machine Metalder]
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: Samurai Syber-Squad? [Gridman the Hyper Agent]
GOHAN: No.
VEGETA: ...Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills? [And this IS a real show] [It's a guilty pleasure.]
GOHAN: Oh yeah!
VEGETA: Goddammit!
Yes! We made it here before the Ginyus! Come on, let's get this over with and...
What the hell are you two doing?
KRILLIN: We don't think we can trust you. You still haven't pledged your allegiance to Team Three Star!
VEGETA: What are you, dense?! The Ginyu Force could be here any second and then we're--
CPT. GINYU: Hi, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Hi, Ginyu. And then we're--
[Dramatic metallic sound effects]
Son of a c{BLEEP}-g{BLEEP} f{BLEEP}-beast!
Why the f{BLEEP} does all this f{BLEEP} s{BLEEP} happen to me?!
VEGETA [o-s]: As far as I care, these miserable CPT. GINYU: Jeice, please.
VEGETA [off-screen]: c{BLEEP} can have a f{BLEEP} s{BLEEP} JEICE: Sorry, Cap'n. Me scouter's acting a bit shonky.
VEGETA: with a goddamn pig!! [*With* the censors, this line makes no sense]
CPT. GINYU: Are you done?
[Panting]
VEGETA: ...Yeah.
CPT. GINYU: Very good. Now to cut straight to the point, I want those two Dragon Balls you have there.
GULDO [o-s]: Oh, so *that's* a Dragon Ball.
CPT. GINYU: Supposedly, there are seven in total if my report is correct, and the other five are...
KRILLIN: Right behind you!
VEGETA: My *God*, man, you just *cannot*--
KRILLIN: Shut up when I'm scared I know.
I once had a crush on a little Indian boy that I thought was a girl. [TMI.]
VEGETA: Please kill him. Seriously, he won't be missed. [He's right, you know]
CPT. GINYU: Well, I do believe that accounts for everything.
Before I take these Dragon Balls and leave my associates here to clean up,
is there anything you'd like to say to me, Vegeta?
VEGETA: As a matter of fact, there is.
Look at your men,
Look at your men, now back to me,
now look back at your men,
Look at your men, now back to me, now look back at your men, back to me.
I am not your men,
I am not your men, I'm flipping you off, [Rude.]
I am not your men, I'm flipping you off, now look at the ground,
I am not your men, I'm flipping you off, now look at the ground, back to me.
Where's the Dragon Ball?
Where's the Dragon Ball? It's gone!
Where's the Dragon Ball? It's gone! I threw it!
AND THERE IS NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN--!
BURTER: Here you go, Boss.
CPT. GINYU: Thank you, Burter.
BURTER: S'what I do.
VEGETA: But, but I chucked that son of a bitch as hard as I could!
BURTER: Oh, you can't beat my speed. I'm the fastest in the universe!
KRILLIN [o-s]: That's what she said!
VEGETA: We're all going to die anyway, so...
Baldie! Break the ball!
BALDIE: What-the-I--
VEGETA: Punch the damn thing!
KRILLIN: RRRAAAHHH!
{DUN} KRILLIN: OW, my hand!
VEGETA: Hit it harder!
KRILLIN: But I-- VEGETA: HARDER!
KRILLIN: YAAAAAH!
[Krillin repeats to no avail under Vegeta's orders]
RECOOME: Uh, Guldo, don't you think you should... [Krillin repeats to no avail under Vegeta's orders]
GULDO: Oh-oh right, that thing I do... stopping time, yeah. (Err... Whis? Beerus? He's breaking your laws...) [Krillin repeats to no avail under Vegeta's orders]
GULDO: Oh-oh right, that thing I do... stopping time, yeah. (Err... Whis? Beerus? He's breaking your laws...) VEGETA [o-s]: Break it or I'll break you!
GULDO: One sec... [Krillin repeats to no avail under Vegeta's orders]
KRILLIN: WAAAHHH--!
What-I...?
VEGETA: What? Where did it go?!
GULDO: See this, Vegeta? This is for all the time you used to embarrass me!
[Flashback]
GULDO: Hey Vegeta, how's it going?
VEGETA: Aw, look, it's Guldo!
You wanna biscuit, boy? You wanna biscuit?!
GULDO: Do you think I'm a dog? [Aren't you?!]
VEGETA: Have a biscuit!
[Growling]
[Flashback ends]
GULDO: And now, it'll be *you* who rolls over and plays dea--
[Growling]
CPT. GINYU: Alright, everyone settle down. Before I take these Dragon Balls to Lord Freeza,
it's time for everyone's favorite game!
[© November 2, 2010]
Now for the folks viewing at home, the rules are simple.
One of my men will spin the wheel, and whoever it lands on - he kills!
VEGETA: What the...? When did you have time to set this up?
And... is that a camera?(!)
VEGETA [on GalacTV]: What kind of sadistic retard watches this crap?!
SADISTIC RETARD: Love this show.
CPT. GINYU: Alright - first contestant.
GULDO: Come on, Vegeta! Come ooon, Vegeta!
Aaarrrgggh! Re-spin! Re-spin! Re-spin!
RECOOME: Lucky little bastard got two of 'em.
BURTER: Alright, let's give this sucker a spin!
CPT. GINYU: *Congratulations* - you've just won a free all-expense-paid trip to Space Australia!
BURTER: Oh, you've got to be freaking kidding me.
JEICE: Oh hey, Space Oz! That's me home planet!
KRILLIN: Wait, hold on... you're from Australia?
JEICE: *Space* Australia. Or more specifially, Space Brisbane.
Go Space Broncos!
KRILLIN: So... it's, like, Australia--
JEICE: In space! [Does that mean it used to be a space jail?]
Gotta be careful though, Burter. Space Dingo will eat yer space baby...
like me sister... poor Sheila--
VEGETA: Can we *please* get on with this?
JEICE: Oh, right. Let's have a go, then.
Oh, *piss off*, you great bloomin' pinwheel!
BURTER: Oh, great. That means Vegeta goes to--
RECOOME: Yes! [To Guldo] In your face! [To Vegeta] Vegeta, your time is coming.
Soon - you will face the End-All,
Soon - you will face the End-All, the Be-All,
Soon - you will face the End-All, the Be-All, the Plead-All:
REEEEEEEEEE
REEEEEEEEEECOOOOOME
REEEEEEEEEECOOOOOMEuhh!!
GOHAN: I swear I don't even know what's going on anymore. [Join the club.]
CPT. GINYU: Alright gang, it's time for me to head off. Try not to mess up your uniforms and be back by 0500!
REST OF THE GF: Yes, Captain!
CPT. GINYU: Ciao!
KRILLIN: So, uh... I guess we're fighting the little green guy over there?
VEGETA: Yeah, that's Guldo. Have fun with him.
KRILLIN: Any strategies?
VEGETA: Throw dog treats at him.
KRILLIN: How will that help?
VEGETA: I'll find it *hilarious*.
KRILLIN: Well come on, Gohan. We're strong enough to take this guy. Just keep your guard up.
PAT: That's right - keep on your guard. Don't drop it...
not even for an *instant*!
GUL-DIO: ZA <You won't be crushed by a steamroller!>
GUL-DIO: ZA WARUDO!! <You won't be crushed by a steamroller!>
KRILLIN: What are you--
[Crazy Talk Activates]
going on about--?
[Crazy Talk makes Pat a liar]
GUL-DIO: You see that? That was just a taste of my power!
Huh?
KRILLIN: Yahoow! What, the, hell was that?!
GUL-DIO: That... was supposed to crush you.
KRILLIN: Gohan! Did you see it? His power... he can--
GOHAN: Bend reality to make his statements lies?
KRILLIN: Summon steamrollers!
GOHAN: ...Y... you sure about that?
KRILLIN: Positive! Go for him!
PAT: You fools! <YOU'LL COMPLETE YOUR ATTACK!>
KRILLIN: EEEEERGH!
GOHAN: UHHHH!
[Guldo laughs]
PAT: My psychic powers are unrivaled in all the galaxy!
You stood there and *mocked* me... the whole *world* stood there and mocked me!
But now, you find yourselves slaves to my whim! Feel the earth fall out from under you, your world *shatter*!
AS I... [Crazy Talk Activates]
AS I... AM... [Crazy Talk Activates]
AS I... AM... YOUR-- [Crazy Talk Activates]
...Why can't I feel my everything?
Oh...
'This is the end of the road...'
'This is the end of the road... the end for me...'
'This is the end of the road... the end for me... I...'
'This is the end of the road... the end for me... I... I wonder...'
'This is the end of the road... the end for me... I... I wonder... will I dream?'
I f**king hate you.
VEGETA: I know.
♫ Tokusentai! ♫
[So, what *did* Vegeta say?] 'Uncensored' (Uncensored) ;)
Son of a gum-chewing funk-monster! (Son of a cum-guzzling fuck-beast!)
Why the fruit does all this funny stuff happen to me?! (Why the fuck does all this fucking shit happen to me?!)
Forget my life! (Fuck my life!)
Always surrounded by miserable failing clods! (Always surrounded by miserable fucking cunts!)
Like this whole world (Like this whole world)
just likes to *bend* me over (just likes to *bend* me over)
and FIND ME IN THE ALPS! (and FUCK ME IN THE ASS!)
Like I'm some sort of shlock receptacle! (Like I'm some sort of cum dumpster!)
Well as far as I care, (Well as far as I care,)
these miserable cows can have a fancy barbecue (these miserable cunts can have a fucking shitorgy (?))
with a goddamn pig!! (with a goddamn pig!!)