[Disclaimer read by Recoome]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
GOHAN: You really saved us, Vegeta.
KRILLIN: Yeah! You totally pulled our butts out of the fire there! Really showed that Team Three Star spirit!
VEGETA: They'll never find your body.
GOHAN: I feel a little sorry for those guys. They just lost their teammate... they must be devastated.
JEICE: So, when was the last time you had to... you know... [Yes Gohan, they're *totally* devastated...]
RECOOME: 3 weeks.
JEICE: Bloody hell, 3 *weeks*?!
BURTER: And I did it on the trip here.
RECOOME: Recoome didn't even have enough room in his pod.
JEICE: Oi... oi, is that Guldo over there? Is he dead?
RECOOME: How tragic.
BURTER: Not telling the Captain 123 not it.
RECOOME: Not it.
JEICE: Not it-- ahh, wankers.
[♫ Sweet, swaggy Ginyu Force theme ♫]
Eriito Senshi - Ginyū Tokusentai!
♫ Tokusentai! ♫
VEGETA: So are we gonna do this or wha--?
RECOOME: HIT *RECOOME'S* MUSIC!
[♫ Doom Theme (1993) ♫]
Vegeta!
You think that just because you're the Prince of Allll Saiyans you're the best there is at what you do.
But let Recoome tell ya somethin', brother:
You ain't no Wolverine...
You ain't no Wolverine... and you ain't got what it takes...
to STEP UP...
You ain't no Wolverine... and you ain't got what it takes... to STEP UP... to a
You ain't no Wolverine... and you ain't got what it takes... to STEP UP... to a FIVE
You ain't no Wolverine... and you ain't got what it takes... to STEP UP... to a FIVE-TIME
You ain't no Wolverine... and you ain't got what it takes... to STEP UP... to a FIVE-TIME CHAMPION!
VEGETA: Champion of *what*?
JEICE: This fight right here's gonna be a bloomin' slobber knocker it is!
BURTER: You can just feel the intensity.
VEGETA: Who are you talking to?!
BURTER: The audience.
JEICE: We're doin' commentary, mate.
RECOOME: You see, Vegeta...
You sit there and brag about how the Saiyans are the mightiest warriors in allll the Universe...
how they're the most ruthless.
Well, look at where they are now:
DEAD! [K.O.!]
Yooou talk about your legends,
*and* your warrior race,
*and* your pride...
but that doesn't mean a DAAAAMN thing to this man!
Because the name's
Because the name's RECOOME!
And it rhymes
And it rhymes WITH DOOM!
And YOOOU'RE gonna be hurtin'!
And YOOOU'RE gonna be hurtin'! ALL!
And YOOOU'RE gonna be hurtin'! ALL! TOO!
And YOOOU'RE gonna be hurtin'! ALL! TOO! SOOOOOON
And YOOOU'RE gonna be hurtin'! ALL! TOO! SOOOOOONuhh!
VEGETA: ...Wrestling's fake.
[Audience boo and jeer]
SPECTATOR: You suck-diddly-uck! [Audience boo and jeer]
VEGETA: Oh, go to Hell, all of you!
And if it means getting this damn thing over with, then I'm just going to have to KILL your ass!
Now hit MY music!
[LOL] [♫ "Step Into the Grand Tour" - theme of Dragon Ball GT (FUNimation dub) ♫]
Oh, the f*ck with this! [♫ "Step Into the Grand Tour" - theme of Dragon Ball GT (FUNimation dub) ♫]
[Nothing like shit music to piss him off, eh?]
[Le Zoom]
RECOOME: OOOOMPH!
[And there goes the Space Mountain. Disney won't be happy.]
VEGETA: SUCK IT, JABRONI!
[HUGE EXPLOSION]
[Explosions TAS]
Well... everything went better than expecte--
RECOOME: You talking more smack, Vegeta? [This Muscle Tower won't break so easily]
VEGETA: What?! How could you possibly get up after a hit like that?!
RECOOME: Silly Vegeta. The only thing Recoome sells...
RECOOME: Silly Vegeta. The only thing Recoome sells... is merchandise!
[Various pieces of merchandise pop up... don't ask what the last one is.]
[Good Vibrations ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
JEICE: Oi, Burter - bet ya Recoome don't even leave a body.
BURTER: Please, you already owe me a Space Soda from our LAST bet!
JEICE: Well, you still owe me a Space Burger from the one BEFORE that!
[Commercial music] COMMERCIAL: And where can you find all this spectacular space food?
At Spacey’s.
Now with our new Raditz Menu.
[Spacey's: Better than Kentucky Fucked Chicken.]
CAPTAIN GINYU: ...and one more makes seven.
FREEZA: Ahhh Ginyu, I should've called you from the beginning!
CPT. GINYU: Thank you, sir. Now in celebration, I shall commence:
The Dance Of Joy!
FREEZA: Oh, no no, that won't be necessary.
CPT. GINYU: It is entirely necessary.
FREEZA: Uh, n-no, really, y-you don’t have to--
CPT. GINYU: Actually, I do. I'm contractually obligated under your father to dance The Dance of Joy post every successful mission.
FREEZA [resigned]: Erghhh... proceed. [If he wasn't a heartless bastard, I'd feel sorry for him.]
CPT. GINYU: (Humming)
[Rock/metal music]
[NAMEKIMANIA 2011 BABY WOO!!!!]
JEICE: And we're back, mates!
BURTER: While you were gone, Recoome caught Vegeta off-guard with his patented Recoome Knee.
JEICE: It was absolutely devastating, Burter! And now he’s back on the offensive...
but he can’t seem to land a single 'it!
RECOOME: Recoome ELBOW!
VEGETA: GAAAH--!
JEICE: Ohh, and Recoome follows up with a *vicious* Recoome Elbow!
BURTER: It looks like Recoome is just too fast for Vegeta, and that's coming from the fastest guy in the Universe.
JEICE: *Not* really relevant, Burter...
[After half an hour] CPT. GINYU: (Still humming)
And that ends The Dance of Joy.
FREEZA: Ughhh, thank *God*. Now, let's wish me some immortality--
CPT. GINYU: Not quite yet, Lord Freeza. Lastly, I must complete The Daddy's Little Princess Dance.
DADDY'S LITTLE PRINCESS: My father would command no such thing!
CPT. GINYU: You are correct, Lord Freeza.
FREEZA: Very well--
CPT. GINYU: It was your brother.
WISHES HE WAS AN ONLY CHILD: Aggghhhhhh!
[NAMEKIMANIA 2011 WOOO!!]
JEICE: And we're back with the fight. [Audience cheering]
BURTER: Here's what you missed.
[You missed sweet FA.]
JEICE: Boy, did we time that commercial right or what?
VEGETA: Gah! RECOOME: (Groaning)
BURTER: Oh, sneak attack from Vegeta! RECOOME: (Groaning)
JEICE: But it looks like it didn't do jack s***!
BURTER: Wait! He’s letting up the--!
JEICE: PILE DRIVER!
VEGETA: WAAAAAAAAHH--!!! JEICE: PI-LE DRI-VER!!!
RECOOME [chuckling]: Heh heh heh. [Yeah, that IS funny. XD]
KRILLIN: Hey! Hey Gohan, look! He picked *Vegeta*... like a--!
GOHAN: Like a vegetable, yes.
KRILLIN [off-screen]: HAH!
RECOOME: Ya see, Vegeta... you don't seem to comprehend where you stand right here.
RECOOME: Be-cause the name's
RECOOME: Be-cause the name's RECOOME--!
VEGETA: HAH! RECOOME: Be-cause the name's RECOOME--!
RECOOME: OOHMPH!
[Crowd booing]
BURTER: Oh, look at that!
JEICE: He mighta just taken Recoome's bleedin' 'ead off!
This would be a *huge* loss for sport entertainment!
[Where's Zarbon?]
RECOOME: As Recoome... was *sayin'*... [P.S. That wasn't a pun ;)]
[Crowd cheering] THE NAME’S
[Crowd cheering] THE NAME’S RECOOME!
[Crowd cheering] IT RHYMES
[Crowd cheering] IT RHYMES WITH DOOM!
AND YOUUUUU’RE GONNA BE HURTIN'!
ALL!
ALL! TOO!
[Crowd cheering] ALL! TOO! SOOOON!
BURTER: He’s setting up for the Recoome Eraser Gun!
JEICE: This is *vintage* Recoome right here.
RECOOME: RECOOOOOME...
RECOOME: RECOOOOOME... ERASER...
BURTER: THIS COULD BE THE END!
RECOOME: ...GUNNNNN!
DOOMPHH! [That'll clean his nostrils]
GOHAN: VEGETA!
JEICE: Oh, last-second interference from Team Three Star!
VEGETA: You *idiot*; I'm already one foot in the grave.
You should've attacked Recoome!
KRILLIN: Come on, Vegeta! We couldn't lose one of our most valuable Team Three Star members!
You CARRY this stable!
VEGETA: If there is any solace to all of this, it’s that you will die along with me.
RECOOME: Could Recoome get a mirror? He feels like he might have chipped a tooth.
KRILLIN [o-s]: Dear *God*, what happened to your face?!
BURTER: According to the rules 'n reg, he's allowed to take on both of these new challengers!
RECOOME: Sounds good to Recoome!
RECOOOOME...
KRILLIN: Does every move you have start with--?
RECOOME: ...KICK!!
{DING} KRILLIN: AGHHHHHhhhh...!!!
[Crowd cheering] KRILLIN: AGHHHHHhhhh...!!!
GOHAN: Krillin!
JEICE: Oh, and a *devastating* Recoome Kick there!
Let's see that again - in slow motion!
Brought to you by Space Four X!
Space Four X: Because Space VB is piss!
[Slow motion sounds]
JEICE: What a ripper!
GOHAN: KRILLIN!
KRILLIN [voice cracking]: HELLO GOHAN have you done your homework, cause if you don't Chi Chi will KICK my ass!!
GOHAN: Are you OK?!
KRILLIN: Yeah! Seems he threw my nervous system out of whack there! Can't quite feel the pain!
...There it is!
Owwwwwwww--
GURU: Naaaaaaaiillll!
Our visitors from Earth require your assistance. You must go help them.
NAIL: Lord Guru, that would leave you totally unguarded.
GURU: No... I would have Dende--
DENDE: Please don't leave me alone with him.
GURU: He is the third strongest of our kiiind.
NAIL: Lord Guru, there are... only three of us left.
GURU: Dende... how does it feel to be the bronze medal?
DENDE: Like everyone I know and love is dead.
GURU: ♪ Every party needs a pooper ♪
♪ That's why they invited youuuu ♪
♪ Party pooper ♪
♪ Party pooperrrr ♪
NAIL: Lord Guru--
GURU: Why are you STILL HEREEE--!!??
JEICE: And welcome back to the fight, ladies and gents.
BURTER: Last we left, we had two new contenders!
JEICE: We now have one.
GOHAN: I'm not going to back down!
* I might be younger than you
* Smaller than you
* Weaker than you
* And *much* less experienced
But I learned more about peach farming than you—
I think this was a horrible decision...
RECOOME: Recoome agrees.
GOHAN: AAH!
JEICE: This fight is turning into a regular piss-kicker!
BURTER: Poor kid doesn't stand a chance.
JEICE: How old is he? Like five?
BURTER: Six, five and a half...?
JEICE: But the real question is: What do the fans think?
[They want more child abuse...]
GOHAN: You... you talk about who you are all the time...
"Recoome" this, "Recoome" that...
but... you're nothing... compared to my *Dad*.
RECOOME [chuckling]: Ha ha ha. GOHAN: but... you're nothing... compared to my *Dad*.
but... you're nothing... compared to my *Dad*.
I...
I... am the son of...
I... am the son of... Son Goku...
the man who will come...
I... am the son of... Son Goku... the man who will come... and *kick your*--!
{CRUNCH}
[The silence is real]
JEICE: *My God*.
[Crowd cheering]
BURTER: THAT was INCREDIBLE!
This seems like the end, folks. Recoome looks like he’s got this one in the bag!
JEICE: It doesn't look like there's *anyone* left who can stop Recoome!
Wait! Who's that?
[Distant explosion]
[♫ "Real American" (Hulk Hogan's theme) ♫]
♫ When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside ♫
♫ You gotta take a stand, it don't help to hide ♫
♫ If you hurt my friends, then you hurt my pride ♫
♫ I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide... ♫
[Fade-out; HULKMANIA BROTHER] ♫ I gotta be a man; I can't let it slide... ♫
[♫ "Sanjō!! Ginyū Tokusentai!!" ♫] ♫ Tokusentai! ♫
[After 3 hours, he's *still* dancing--] CPT. GINYU: (Still humming)
[oh wait, he's finished]
All done.
FREEZA: Alright - so, you're done with all your dances?
CPT. GINYU: Yes, sir!
FREEZA: We can wish for my immortality now?
CPT. GINYU: Of course.
FREEZA [relieved]: Fantastic.
♫
Now, Dragon Balls - grant my wish!
MAKE ME,
MAKE ME, LORD FREEZA,
MAKE ME, LORD FREEZA, *IMMORTAL*!!!!
[Music cuts-off]
[Is it Freeza or Freiza?]
[Freeza or Frieza, though TFS prefer the first option. Either way, he's still a ginormous prick. :P]
CPT. GINYU: ...Umm... I don't think it worked...
FREEZA: But...
but why *not*?
Those village elders *explicitly* told me there were only seven balls and that I need merely to bring them together to grant my wish!
So what THE HELL?
CPT. GINYU: Perhaps there's a password.
FREEZA: A password...?!
FREEZA: A password...?! But... I... killed them *all*!
There's no one left to tell me!
I'VE LOST MY WISH!!
CPT. GINYU: Might I suggest the Dance of Cheering You Up?
FREEZA [resigned]: Ugghhhh... proceed.
JEICE: G'day! Jeice of the Ginyu Force here with a Public Service Announcement.
We've got no worries up in Space Brisbane right now, but your Brisbane's been hit hard by floods.
So, if you'd like to donate to the relief effort, follow the link in the description to the Queensland Government's website.
Cheers, mates. Every donation would be appreciated.