[Disclaimer read by Burter]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
BURTER: YES BEST TIME!
GOKU: Finally! I'm on Planet Namek. [finally]
KRILLIN: (In distance, sobbing) HELP UUU-UU-UUS!
GOKU: So serene.
KRILLIN: (in distance, wailing even more desperately.) OH GOD HE'S KILLING US! HE-E-ELP!
GOKU: I think I hear a duck...but this far out in space? (bemused) That doesn't make any sense!
KRILLIN: (in distance) QUAAAACK!
GOKU: OH NO! That sounds like Krillin! [Well if all else fails... Quack.]
I'ma COMIN'!
[Space Japanese Ginyu Force Theme Opening]
[A guy talking in Japanese about Team Four Star Soda-?]
[And now they're talking about Spacey's I guess-?? Did someone learn Japanese JUST for the sake of this joke? Cause if so, I'm impressed.]
FREEZA: I can't believe we came all the way out here and spent a week in the space boonies for NOTHING!!
Seriously, I'm surprised that we didn't hear banjos on the way in, because everybody's inbred
AND LOOKS THE F****** SAME!
Not to mention I lost Dodoria *and* Zarbon
the latter of whom spent 400 credits making long distance calls to his girlfriend
WHO I AM CONVINCED IS NAMED *CHUCK!!*
GINYU: Lord Freeza?
FREEZA: (PURE RAGE) *WHAT!?*
GINYU: There may be still be a few holed up somewhere! Perhaps you should check your scouter.
[PROOOOBABLY should've done that sooner.]
FREEZA: Well would you look at that. Three in that direction! Good work Ginyu.
GINYU: All in a day's work, sir.
(NYOOOOOM!)
And now...The Dance of Solitude!
[♪ "Vogue" ♪]
BURTER: So are we just waiting for this thing or wha-
JEICE: HOLY DOOLIE!
BURTER: JESUS, THAT WAS FAST!
I-I-I mean not as...not as fast as me considering I'm the fastest in the... (Stutters) in the universe...
...but compared to the average person-!
JEICE: We get it mate it's cool.
GOKU: Gohan! (Goku what are you doing)
HEY GOHAN? (GOKU PLEASE STOP)
Gohan? (GOKU THAT IS YOUR SON STOP)
Gohan? (OH GROSS HIS NECK.)
Maybe he'll wake up if I shake him some more?
KRILLIN: (Part way mortified at stupidity.) GOKU JUST GIVE HIM A SENZU!
GOKU: OH, right! Eat up Gohan!
RECOOME: (Indignant) HEY! RECOOME WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH HERE! SO HOW ABOUT YOU-!!
GOKU: (Emphasized impatience) Sir... I am talking... to my son.
RECOOME: Oh... Recoome apologizes... [Awww, what a nice guy...]
... !!!!! Wait? What am I apologizing for??? RECOOME'S GONNA KILL YOU!!! [...Or not.]
(Gohan has returned to Full Health!)
GOHAN: Dad? DAD! OH MY GOD YOU'RE HERE! I LOVE YOU DAD!
GOKU: That's right, Gohan.
[Goddammit Goku...] I *am* here!
Hey Krillin! Ya hanging in there?
KRILLIN: Oh! I've had worse. You know, when I died...
This is definitely a close second though....
RECOOME: (Steadily losing patience.) RECOOME WILL NOT BE IGNORED!!!!
GOKU: SIR! I AM TRYING TO TALK TO MY FRIENDS!
Hey Vegeta, we're friends now, right?
VEGETA: (Succintly) F*** Off.
GOKU: THE BEST! Now have a magic bean!
But make sure you chew it or else you'll grow a beanstalk in your belly!
KRILLIN: Goku, it was terrible! We landed here,
and then there were these really strong guys,
(Increasingly whiny) and there was even more strong guys,
(Christ Krillin dial it back) AND THEN OUR SHIP BLEW UP,
(Oh god are you about to start crying?) AND THEN THERE WAS EVEN MORE STR-
GOKU: Bored now, reading your mind!
KRILLIN: Wait wha-?
[Wait...the Idiot Hero can read *minds*?!]
GOKU: Haha! That thing was a guy!
KRILLIN: Goku, did you just read my mind...?
GOKU: Yuh-huh!
KRILLIN: But how could you...??
GOKU: (As if that's all that needs explaining.) Muffin Button.
KRILLIN: ........ What?
GOKU: Huh?
RECOOME: THAT'S! IT! RECOOME HAS HAD ENOUGH!!! (Wow, what took you so long.)
FEEL THE STRENGTH OF THE *REEEEEECOOME..!! ULTRA FIGHTING MIRACLE-*
GOKU: SIR.
(THAT MIGHT'VE BEEN WHAT USED TO BE HIS RIB CAGE........)
(Making himself clear.) I will fight you in a minute. [Damn, Recoome got jobbed like a bitch.]
VEGETA: '?????? This... This is impossible-!!!!'
'Kakarot was nowhere NEAR that same level when we fought on Earth!'
'The only way he could've obtained this strength is-...'
... !!!!!!!..NO... IT CANT BE-!!!
THE LEGEND SAYS IT ONLY HAPPENS EVERY 1,000 YEARS!!
HAS HE BECOME
*A SUPER SAIYAN?!?!*
GOKU: So, anyway Vegeta, what happened to you?
Did you get beat up by this guy?
RECOOME: (Gurgling up stuff that needs to stay IN his body.)
VEGETA: AHH N-NO I UM.... UH-...
GHOST NAPPA: (Casually offering) You fell down some stairs.
VEGETA: (Takes offering like a shmuck.) I fell down some stairs.
KRILLIN: (Forgetting his place.) No ya didn't, you-
VEGETA: (Putting him back into it.) SHUT UP, BEFORE I THROW YOU DOWN A FLIGHT.
SK GURU: So Dende... sucks about your family...
DENDE: We've gone over this.....
SK GURU: But do you know who also lost his family?
Batman.
DENDE: (Steadily losing what little sanity he has left.) I don't know who that is.....
SK GURU: (Impatiently.) See!? This is why we need T.VEEEEEEE!
DENDE: WHY?
SK GURU: (to the Tune of 1960's Batman theme.) NANANANANANANANA DENDE! NANANANANANANANA DENDE! DENDE!
DENDE: (See's the lost cause.) Guru...
SK GURU: (Continuing heedless.) Dende!
DENDE: (Hope is now dead.) Nail's here...
SK GURU: NAAAAAAAAAAILLLL!
Why are you back?
NAIL: I NEVER LEFT SIR......... I was outside HITTING MY HEAD against the WALL for 20 minutes........
(Nail giving himself a concussion via the wall.)
SK GURU: (Contemplative) So that's what that was...
Why have you ignored my order!?
NAIL: *BECAUSE,* LORD GURU, I CAN'T leave you unguarded no matter-
(Spits on Nail)
SK GURU: CLEAN THAT UP!!
JEICE: WHAT THE BLEEDIN' 'ELL-?!?
WE WERE HAVIN' A RIGHT RIP SNORTER 'ERE,
AND THEN THIS PIKER SHOWS UP,
And, just like that, IT'S GOOD NIGHT IRENE!!!
KRILLIN: (Background.) We get it, you're from *Space Australlia!!!*
BURTER: He's making fools out of us, Jeice!
JEICE: You're bloomin' right he is!
We'd better bust out our special technique!!
JEICE: SEIZURE PROCEDURE!!! BURTER: SEIZURE PROCEDURE!!!
[♪ "Sandstorm" ♪]
GOHAN: Krillin! What ever you do... DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY AT IT.
Krillin?
KRILLIN: (Seizure induced gurgling... What a shmuck. Cue up the owned count!)
JEICE: NO WAY!! NO ONE RESISTS THE SEIZURE PROCEDURE!
BURTER: PLAN B!
JEICE: Alright you bastard!! Prepare to feel the wrath of the Ginyu-
(THWACK) GUOGH-!!! [1]
DAAUGH!!!! YOU GODDAMN WANKER!
YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE-
(SLUGGED) OGH-!!!! [2]
DAUGH-!!! YOU DID IT AGAIN!
D- (STAR PUNCH) AGH-!!! [3]
STOP IT STOP I- (JABBED)
(Aren't you getting tired of being punched?) KK-!! PIIIISS!! [4]
'AUUGH, WHAT DID THE CAP'N TELL US TO DO IN THIS SITUATION!?!?'
GINYU: (Memory) Jeice, if you ever find yourself being punched repeatedly in the face, always remember to-
(THAT'S NOT BOXING, BITE HIS EAR!) [5]
JEICE: (Present) OHH OWW! HE CUT OFF THE CAP'N!!!
GOKU: (Rightfully confused, boy those times are rare...) So... are you gonna *dodge* any of these?
JEICE: OHHHH! (...... You're only realizing that NOW?) THAT'S what the Captain-
(You kinda deserved THAT one ya Dope.) [Half a dozen]
BURTER!!!! SUPPORT!!!!!!
BURTER: Well you've got very nice hair, you're a beautiful shade of red,
and honestly? You're the only guy I can rely on on this team.
JEICE: *I MEANT PUNCH HIM, YA DAFT BASTARD!!!!!* UGH-!!!
(Deep breath) Oh, but, thanks ya know-? Th-that really cheered me-
(Okay, THAT ONE was your OWN fault.) OHH, GOD I THINK HE BROKE SOMETHING THAT TIME!!!! [7]
(Play - MC Hammer's 'U Can't Touch This.)
GOKU: Goku Time!
JEICE: Alright, this is just Bloody Stupid!
BURTER: Calm Down! We got to come up with a plan;
Listen, if you use your Crusher Ball on him, I can rush him the moment he tries to dodge.
He may be fast, but he's not faster than the fastest guy in the universe!
JEICE: OK. Mate, we need to talk...
About this whole.... "Fastest in the Universe" thing....
First off, the Captain's got a higher power level than you.
BURTER: (Not catching hint.) Yeah, so?
JEICE: Well then, correct me if I'm wrong,
But a higher power level means he's faster yeah? (Technically-? Not always the case but sometimes it is.)
BURTER: Well, okay maybe... (-_-)
JEICE: And Lord Freeza's got a higher power level than all of us....
[Yeah, it's not fair to compare pawns to a King.] BURTER: OK, that's just not fair-!
JEICE: AND, if you think about it, Guldo can stop time! (OOOOOOOH! GOOD POINT!)
So that technically makes him faster then-
BURTER: **NO! NO! NO, OKAY?!?! I am not..!! Slower..!! Than F******* GULDO!!!!**
JEICE: (O_O) Burter, calm down-!!
BURTER: NO! SHUT UP!! YOU SHUT YOUR *STUPID RED FACE!!!*
(mockingly) "Oh don't worry MATE, you're just SLOWER than *GULDO!*"
GOKU: (Thinking, the Ginyu's conversation not even heeded.) I wonder if there is a Denny's on this planet...
[(facepalms abound.)] (Thinking) I could really go for a Grand Slam!
BURTER: - WHAT IT'S LIKE-!! Everyone has something special! I don't!
What AM I?! The big blue snake guy!! That's all I've got!! [Well some people might *like* that...]
THAT'S ALL I'VE GO-OO-OOOT!!!! (Starts sobbing)
JEICE: Geez, mate... I'm-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...
BURTER: I just-I just want to be special!
Something to call my own you know?
JEICE: Mate mate, you DO got something special!
(Sincerely) You're me mate.
[AWWW~] BURTER: (Touched) Aww dude!
JEICE: NO! NO! REALLY!!
Remember when I had to move me piano into me flat?
And Recoome was too busy with his match? And Guldo...
(Snide) well, he was Guldo,
BUT YOU! YOU got those Ivory keys up those five flights in no time at all!
You're me best mate!
BURTER: (Sincerely) Thanks Jeice! You're my best friend too!
You know? After all of this is over,
What do you say we head off to Spacey's and just... Have a good old time?
JEICE: Sounds Good mate!
BURTER: But remember! You still owe me that space soda!
JEICE: HAHA! You're right I do!
Now! Let's go show that bloke what for-
BURTER: GAH!
(And his last words were literally about one of their bets. Kinda sad honestly.) [Goku: Master in mood killing.]
GOKU: Say, do you know where there's
Jeice: (Reviling in horror.) AH-...!!! AH-....!!! GOKU: Say, do you know where there's a Denny's around here?
JEICE: BURTER-!!!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!!!!
[GOD... DAMMIT... GOKU.....] GOKU: (Clueless as always) Butter~!! That'll go GREAT on my Grand Slam~!
JEICE: (Devastated) YOU JUST KILLED ME BEST MATE-!!!
I'M-I'M GONNA GET THE CAP'N,
*AND HE'S GONNA BEAT YOU UP!!!!*
(Crying) CAAAAPTAAAAAAAIN-!!!!!!!!!!
GOKU: .... Well that was fun.
Now where are the fighters?
(ONLY GOKU....) I really wanna deck that Freezer guy~!
VEGETA: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
"THIS" IS A **SUPER SAIYAN-??**
GOKU: A Super wha-?
VEGETA: NOTHING JUST........
(Disbelief) Lamenting my crushed dreams.........
KRILLIN: (Likely almost terrified.) GOKU!! I can't believe you're so strong-!!!
GOKU: Well, I DID train at 100 times Normal Gravity.
[Vegeta: (Mentally) '..... *WHAT-??!?!?!?!?!?!?*'
VEGETA: F*************!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KRILLIN: Man no WONDER you killed them so easily!!
CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOKU: (offscreen, reprimandingly) Krillin!! I'm not gonna kill them,
[Insert Mass Effect Joke here] They're hardly even a threat!
(Vegeta being Awesome.)
GOKU: VEGETA-! That was NOT very Paragon!
(spits out of spite)
VEGETA: *RENEGADE FOR LIFE.*
[Japanese Ginyu theme plays]
VEGETA: You think that's bad?
Seriously - if you hit him hard enough, you can play a song.
[ - Play Korobeiniki, the signature theme from WHICH game?]
VEGETA: (Laughing) I don't even know what that's from!
[Correct! See Krillin? You CAN be smart when you try.] KRILLIN: I think that was Tetris.
[Other parties meanwhile.............] VEGETA: Isn’t that what you get when you cut yourself with something rusty?
GOKU: Nope! That's Rabies!
GOHAN: (NEEEEERRRRD) Actually, Dad, you contract rabies when you’re bitten by an animal with a disease.
GOKU: Silly Gohan! Animals don’t eat people, people eat animals!
Silly Gohan!