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Super Kami GURU: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody.
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball GT are all owned by

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Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV and Ak—

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ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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--Akira Toriyama.

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Please support the official RELEASE!

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NAIL: This is my people's sacred battleground.

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FREEZA: We flew over an hour for *this*?

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It looks exactly the same as everywhere
else on this godforsaken rock!

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NAIL: Hmph. Racist.

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RACIST: Well, maybe so, but I can't quite be a
racist against a race that doesn't EXIST.

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Like the Clorfors.

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Dirty, money-grubbing Clorfors.
Tried to clorf me right out of my money.
[yeah, Fuck thous Clorfors]

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Blew those little bastards up is what I did.

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NAIL: RAAAAGGH!

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FREEZA: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know we were starting.

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Here, allow me.

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NAIL: AAAAAAAGGGH!!!

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FREEZA: Looks like someone's going to be missing this.

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NAIL: No, not really.

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FREEZA: Hmm?
NAIL: HRRRAAAAAH!

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NAIL: HRRRAAAAAH!

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FREEZA: Ooh, that looks like it hurts a *lot*.

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Are you okay?(Aww he cares.}

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NAIL: I'm fine!

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FREEZA: Good to know.

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Yoink!(NVM)
NAIL: URRRGG--!!

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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GOHAN: So, what exactly is this?

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VEGETA: It's a healing tank.
This'll bring the idiot back to full strength.

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IDIOT: 'Heh heh, the bubbles tickle.'

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'Heh heh, ow, it hurts to laugh.'

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'Heh heh, ow.'

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'Heh heh, ow. Heh heh, ow.'

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'Heh heh, ow. Heh heh, ow. Heh heh, ow.'

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VEGETA: It'll take a while though. This is the only
other model the ship has. And it's kind of an old one.

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KRILLIN: What happened with the newer model?

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VEGETA: Blew it the f*ck up.

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KRILLIN: What, did it have an opinion?(Dayum)

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VEGETA: Eat me. Now both of you...

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STRIP.

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KRILLIN: Uhhhhhm...
(at least buy them a drink first)

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VEGETA: I’ve got body armor for you.
(oh)

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KRILLIN: *Less* awkward.(I agree)

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You know, Gohan, it just occurred to me.

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GOHAN: Yeah, Krillin?

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KRILLIN: We're *still* on Namek.

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GOHAN: What do you mean?

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KRILLIN: Well, I mean, it feels like
we’ve been here for, like, a year.

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GOHAN: But we've only been here for six days.

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KRILLIN: I know, right?!

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Hey, by the way, don’t I look like that one guy that Vegeta
landed with back on Earth? What was his name again?

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Hey Vegeta, what was that one guy's name?

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KRILLIN [repeatedly]: Vegeta?

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KRILLIN [repeatedly, "changing" to NAPPA]: Vegeta?

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NAPPA [repeatedly]: Vegeta?

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VEGETA: God damn it, Nappa.

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KRILLIN: Oh right. Good old "God damn it Nappa".

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GOHAN: Krillin, we should probably focus
on finding a way to use the Dragon Balls.

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KRILLIN: Well, there’s always Little Green, but…
(His name is Dende)

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GOHAN: But what?

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KRILLIN: That’s a really long flight.

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GOHAN: Krillin…

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KRILLIN: Plus, I think I sense some hostility.

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GOHAN: Krillin!

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KRILLIN: Fine, fine, I’ll go get him. Enjoy your company.

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BAD COMPANY: Try not to get yourself
killed, God forbid you make me happy.

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GOHAN: You know, you seem like you’re in
a bad mood. Maybe you should take a nap.

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VEGETA: Maybe YOU should— eh,
actually, that sounds good.

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You keep guard out here. Make sure not to go too far;
I like my meat shields within bullet-blocking distance.

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GOHAN: I didn’t think bullets could hurt you.
(they can't)

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VEGETA: Shut up, I'm sleepy. (no your an idiot)

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GOKU: 'Heh-heh, ow.'

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KAKAROT: 'Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh, ow.'

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SUN WUKONG: 'Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh, ow.'

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MORON: 'Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh, ow. Heh-heh—'

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KING KAI [telepathically]: Goku! Goku, are you there?

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GOKU [t]: Oh, hey, King Kai. I’m in a healing pod.

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KING KAI [t]: I noticed, I wasn’t
paying attention. What the hell?
(Why would you stop paying attention to him?)

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GOKU [t]: Well, when I got down I ran
into some really weird guys.

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One was really big and muscly;
he went down real easy.
(phrasing)

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Then these two guys double teamed me.
One of them took it really hard in the back.

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The other didn’t seem that interested, so
he went and brought this really horny guy!

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GEORGE TAKEI [t]: Oh myyy~

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GOKU [t]: Who’s that, King Kai?

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KING KAI [t]: It’s George Takei. Somehow
we made this into a three-way.
[be careful with your word choice]

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GEORGE TAKEI [t]: Oh myyy~!

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KING KAI: *CALL*! THREE-WAY CALL!
(and yet you still use Verizon)

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NAIL: AAAAAAAaaugh!
[oh, that still going]

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FREEZA: How many arms do you think we’re up to?

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(Twenty-five?)

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I think we’re up to twenty-four. (Dammit)

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NAIL: HRAAAAAAHHHHH!

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FREEZA: Tell me. Have you ever
heard of the planet “Vegeta”?
(Why would he?)

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NAIL: N-no?

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FREEZA: Funny, because I expect to hear the same
from the next person when I ask them about *Namek*.

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Oh, was that your nose? That was your nose!

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I’ve had a worse time, you know. It’s not often I
dirty my own hands with this sort of grunt work.(This hurts me more than it hurts *you*)

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There’s always a certain amount of
satisfaction I get out of doing it myself.

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[Both laughing]

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Ahh, it is kind of funny, isn’t it?

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NAIL: Aha I’m, I’m laughing at something else actually.

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FREEZA: Eh heh heh heh, what?

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NAIL: The Earthlings have the password.

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FREEZA: ...what?

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NAIL: Remember the little Namekian
you passed on the way to Guru’s?

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On his way to the humans with the password. (You're dumb for not realizing it sooner, Freeza)

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By now he’s probably already there and
they’re about to summon the Dragon. Haha.

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FREEZA: Ghh, SHHUURRRRRGGG...!

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NAIL: Yeah. If I had to guess your biggest
mistake, it would be not stopping him.

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That, or the purple lipstick.

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FREEZA: I WILL F*CKING MURDER YOU!!

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NAIL: Whatever.
[he worked with *Guru* he dosen't give a damm]

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FREEZA: Why aren’t the Ginyus showing up?!

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Oh, they’re dead.

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WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!(Circle of life)

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KRILLIN: Stop right there, Namekian scum!

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[Namekian scum screams in fright]

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KRILLIN: Haha, you should see the look on your face!

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Oh, I’m just kidding, it’s me, Krillin!

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[Dende screams even *louder*]

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Haha, you’re killing me, Little Green!

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Now come on, we gotta go summon the Dragon.

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[Still screaming...]

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DADDY ISSUES: 'You know, it’s not so bad. I mean sure,
I’ve seen more people die than most people my age.'
[You make it seem like it's no big deal.]

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'Or really, most people in general (5 isn't that big number in general).
Then again, I don’t really know anyone my own age.'

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'My best friends are a 26-year-old dwarf and
a giant green alien who constantly hits me.'(Tough love relationships)

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'Still, better than my Dad. At least they’re AROUND!'(subtitles can relate youtube makes them seem incorrect)

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'Huh... where did that come from?'

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26 YEAR OLD DWARF: Hey! Gohan!

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GOHAN: Huh? That sounds like Krillin.

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Wow, you made it in no time at all!

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KRILLIN: Yeah. Little Green here
was on his way back from Guru’s.(His name is Dende)

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He said he can help us summon the Dragon!

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GOHAN: Great! I’ll go get Vegeta and—

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DEATH WISH: No, no, no, see, that’s the best part!
We’re not gonna TELL Vegeta!

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GOHAN: That sounds like a very dangerous
idea that could very easily backfire. (Duh)

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KRILLIN: Well, we can either take the
wishes for ourselves or give ‘em to Vegeta.

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And I’m not gonna lie - I don’t think he’s
dedicated to Team Three Star at all.(what makes you say that HUH?)

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GOHAN: You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you. That name...

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really doesn't sound very good.

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KRILLIN: Well, why didn’t you tell me sooner?! I thought it
was stupid from the beginning but nobody said anything!

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GOHAN: Let’s just go summon the Dragon and go home.

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KRILLIN: Yeah, fine, whatever.

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VEGETA: Hurr-hrr, first immortality... then the bitches…(Priorities)

150
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-Minnie the Moocher-
[The Blues Brothers]

151
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KRILLIN: We did it! Again!
For real this time, though!
[Wait I thought that first time was a dream. Damn Filler.]

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Now we just can have Little Green summon
the Dragon, and we’ll finally have our wish!

153
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GOHAN: Hey, is that Freeza?

154
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KRILLIN: ...No.

155
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GOHAN: I think that’s Freeza.

156
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KRILLIN: No, it’s not!(Denial)

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GOHAN: Yeah, that’s definitely Freeza.

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KRILLIN: ...summonit!

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KRILLIN: ...summonitsummonitsummonit!

160
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KRILLIN: ...summonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonit!

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DENDE: [Speaking Klingon (Namekian)]
KRILLIN: ...summonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonitsummonit!

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DENDE: [Speaking Klingon (Namekian)]
KRILLIN: [Etc...]

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KRILLIN: Dammit, stop speaking gibberish *and summon the*—!

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Holy crap, your Dragon’s on steroids.

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PORUNGA(ROID MONSTER): [Speaking Klingon (Namekian)]

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FILTHY ALBINO: All right! We can finally get our wish!

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DENDE: The Dragon says he’ll give ya three.

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KRILLIN: Wait a minute, we get three wishes?
That's awesome!

169
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:04,220
I want a three foot—!

170
00:08:04,220 --> 00:08:07,440
KING KAI [t]: Stop screwing around
and wish these idiots off my planet!

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KRILLIN: Holy crap, I can hear a voice in my head!

172
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:10,840
DENDE: Is it telling you my name is Dende?

173
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KRILLIN: Hush, Little Green! The voice speaks to me!

174
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:18,000
KING KAI [t]: This is King Kai. Wish these
guys back to life before I kill myself.

175
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KRILLIN [t]: Wait, can gods kill themselves?

176
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SUICIDAL GOD [t]: *I’m about to try*!

177
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KRILLIN: All right, Little Green! Use our
first wish to bring our friends back to life!

178
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LITTLE GREEN: Porunga can only bring back one person at a time.

179
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KRILLIN: Oh.

180
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KRILLIN [t]: King Kai, he says it can
only bring one person back at a—

181
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KING KAI [t]: I heard him!

182
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TENSHINHAN: Which means one of us gets left behind.

183
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PICCOLO: Just wish me back.

184
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:38,240
KING KAI: I guess we should
ask Yamcha what he thinks.
(Yamcha hasn't mattered 
since that one time in Dragon Ball)

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YAMCHA: (Gasp)

186
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PICCOLO: No-one cares what Yamcha thinks!
(THANK YOU)

187
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PICCOLO [t]: Listen - if you wish *me* back,
then that wishes *Kami* back.

188
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:49,620
Then you can use THOSE Dragon
Balls to wish these morons back.

189
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KRILLIN: Which leaves us with two more wishes!

190
00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:53,140
Let’s wish him to Namek!
(Wait, what?)

191
00:08:53,140 --> 00:08:53,700
GOHAN: Wait, what?

192
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,260
PICCOLO: Wait, what?

193
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IDIOT: Little Green! Wish our friend Piccolo back to
life, and then with our next wish, bring him to Namek!

194
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:01,860
PICCOLO [t]: Hold on a minute, don’t
do that, that is a terrible i—

195
00:09:01,860 --> 00:09:02,360
{BANG}

196
00:09:02,420 --> 00:09:03,100
{BANG}
—dea!

197
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,320
PICCOLO [off-screen, distant]: AUUUUUUUUUGH!!

198
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:08,880
DENDE: He is on Namek.

199
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,100
GOHAN: Wait, where is he?
(He just told you)

200
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,080
DENDE: On Namek.

201
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,440
PICCOLO [o-s, distant]: You dumbass!(I agree)

202
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:13,980
KRILLIN: Why didn’t it bring him *here*?

203
00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:15,420
DENDE: You must be specific.

204
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GOHAN: Oh, so it’s a sort of monkey’s paw.
You have to be careful with the hubris in your wishes.(NERRRRRRD!!)

205
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,860
PICCOLO [o-s, distant]: NERRRRRRD!!(Told ya)

206
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:25,600
{SNAP}

207
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,340
VEGETA: I HAVE TO PEE!

208
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:33,080
Wah, urk - Jesus, I overslept. It’s already night.
(Who would Jesus even be in DBZ?)

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For the first time since I got here…

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For the first time since I got here...
...on a planet with three suns.

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[Alarm clock clip sourced from Merrie Melodies short "Farm Frolics" (1941)]

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Oh you MOTHERF—

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—UCKERS!!

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PICCOLO [o-s, distant]: Ow, my ears!!

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GOHAN: So, what do we do with the third wish?

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KRILLIN: Well, if nobody else has
any ideas, I want my three foot—

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VEGETA: HI! WHAT’S UP, GUYS?!

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KRILLIN: I’m never gonna get my hoagie.
(I thought he wanted to get taller)

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VEGETA: So what’re you doing?!

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DEAD MAN: What am I doing?

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VEGETA: What’re you doing?!

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GOHAN: Nothin' much.

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VEGETA: Thwartin' my plans?!

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GOHAN: Thwarting your plans?

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VEGETA: Are you?!

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GOHAN: ...Yes.

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VEGETA: ...I’M GONNA F*CKING KILL YOU!

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But first - you are going to give me
my wish for immortality, or I will

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Snap.

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Snap. His.

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Snap. His. *Neck*!

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KRILLIN: Wait! He’s the only one who
can ask the Dragon to grant wishes!

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VEGETA: And I’ve got nothing to lose!

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DENDE: Whatever.

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VEGETA: GOOD ANSWER! Now get to wishing!

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GURU: 'I feel that they have finally summoned the
dragon. Would be a real dick move do die right now.'

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Huuurr!(Dick Move)

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VEGETA: Is...

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VEGETA: Is... I— Is that normal?

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DENDE: No. It’s dead. And that means Guru is, too.

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KRILLIN: I’m so sorry for your loss.

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DENDE: Someone has to be.

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VEGETA: That doesn’t matter! Don’t you understand?!

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If it didn’t me grant my wish, then I’m not immortal!

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And Freeza’s going to…! G-going to…

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Ah, aah, aaha, aaaaha...!

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KRILLIN: (Whimpering)

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FREEZA: Ohohoho nohoho, don’t mind me. By all means...

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*give me some ideas*.

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[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]

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MR. POPO: (Humming "Because I Got High")

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{BANG}

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KAMI: Fan-freaking-tastic, we're back here again.

254
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,100
MR. POPO: Oh. You’re back. Hi, Kami.

255
00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:27,100
KAMI: Mr. Popo, what are you watering?

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00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:27,740
MR. POPO: Pot.

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00:11:27,740 --> 00:11:28,720
KAMI: Pots of what?
(he just told you)

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MR. POPO: Pot.

259
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I'm not getting rid of it.

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KAMI: Are you kidding? That sh*t’s great for my glaucoma.