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[Disclaimer read by Nail]

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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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PICCOLO: Hurgh... what was that
idiot *doing* bringing me here?

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It's...

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It's... wait a minute...

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It's... wait a minute... I can feel it...

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This is my home!

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I can finally see its beauty:

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The lush blue fields,

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The lush blue fields, the crystal clear waters,

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The lush blue fields, the crystal clear waters,
the wind brushing past my...

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GOD, THIS IS BORING.

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Huh... no wonder I feel at home.

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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FREEZA: Well, Vegeta - you've finally pulled it off.
You've managed to dash my hopes entirely.

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With some help, I see.

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SPACE DUCK: Quack!

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GOHAN: Krillin, seriously not helping!

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KRILLIN: I can try!

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FREEZA: I'm very curious - where exactly are you from?

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KRILLIN: We're from Ea--!
GOHAN: Krillin, no!

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KRILLIN: Oh, right.
Thanks for stopping me Gohan, 'cause I can't shut--

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DENDE: They're from Earth.

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KRILLIN: Little Green! Why?!

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LITTLE GREEN: Because my name is Dende.

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FREEZA: Oh good! I'll stop by there on the way home.

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Pick up some space eggs, some space milk, and

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⚠️ BLOW IT THE F**K UP ⚠️

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Oh, I'm sorry. I'm usually far more composed.
I'm just a little bit

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ABSOLUTELY LIVID.

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VEGETA: Oh Freeza, quit being such a woman.
[aren't he/she/it?]

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I lost my chance at immortality too
and you don't see me crying about it.

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FREEZA: Yes Vegeta, but you see,
the difference between us is

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I'll live long enough to regret it.

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HIYAAAAGH!!

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PICCOLO: 'Hurgh... everything looks the
goddamn same on this GOD DAMN PLANET.'

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'Wait a minute - a body!'

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SOCIAL ACTIVITY!!

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Please tell me you're not dead.

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NAIL [speaking Klingon (Namekian)]: Kill... that... douche...

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PICCOLO: Ah crap, I find the only living thing for miles
and he's so broken he can't even talk right. 
[If only Gohan was here. Im sure he speaks nerd.]

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NAIL: I was speaking Namekian, you idiot.
Don't you know anything about your own people?

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PICCOLO: Well, we're demons, right?

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NAIL: Eh, more like slug people.

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PICCOLO: Ah, dammit!

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I liked it better when I was a demon.
[Pretty sure demons are more terrifying than you...]

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NAIL: And I liked it better when I had
proper bladder control. Nobody's perfect.

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PICCOLO: Yeah, I've been meaning to
ask about that; what happened?

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NAIL: Let's just say our world elder's
kind of a giant green asshole.

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PICCOLO: Preaching to the choir on that one.

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Well, its been fun, but I have to go *die* again.

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NAIL: Wait! I *might* be able to help you.

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PICCOLO: Look buddy, if you wanna add me on
MySpace, I switched to Spacebook a while ago.

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NAIL: No no, no no, listen. I think I know
something that might work out for both of us.

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I don't wanna die, and you seem pretty lonely.

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PICCOLO: DESPERATEL-- I mean go on.

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NAIL: There's a special ability our people share,
forbidden, even amongst our most sacred clans.

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PICCOLO: And we're just going to abuse it?

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Epikoros#1: Ooh, maliciously!

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Epikoros#2: Bitchin'! How do we do?

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NAIL: Well - first you put your hand upon me.

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PICCOLO: 'K...

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NAIL: Yes. Like that.

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Now lower.

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PICCOLO: Uh-huh...

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NAIL: Lower.

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PICCOLO [off-screen]: Hm....

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NAIL: Little lower.

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PICCOLO: Hmm...

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NAIL: Ahh, if we had junk, you'd be gay right now.

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PICCOLO: Hurrgh!

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NAIL: Fusing!

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[Ooh, kinky!]

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♫

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PICCOLO: Wow...

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PICCOLO: Wow... unreal...

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PICCOLO: Wow... unreal... my gosh...

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THIS IS AMAZING!

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THIS IS AMAZING! I FEEL INCREDIBLE!

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YES. YES.

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YES. YES. YES! YES!

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I CAN WIN!

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I CAN WIN! I FEEL GREAT!

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I CAN WIN! I FEEL GREAT!
I! CAN!

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I CAN WIN! I FEEL GREAT!
I! CAN! DO! THIS!

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I CAN WIN! I FEEL GREAT!
I! CAN! DO! THIS! AAAAAGH!

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NAIL [in Piccolo's head henceforth]: 'What are you doing?'
PICCOLO: I-uhh-uhh... nothing.

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NAIL: '*Really*? 'Cause it looked
like you were chanting to yourself.'

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PICCOLO: Are you in my head?

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NAIL: 'Yup. Don't worry - supposedly I should
fade away into your subconscious...'

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'sooner or later.'
[probably later]

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PICCOLO: OK. So, what now?

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NAIL: 'By my estimate, this fusion should have given you just
enough power to wipe out the *bastard* who killed our people.'

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PICCOLO: And?

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NAIL: 'Well, let me put this in terms you'll understand:'

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'YOU CAN WIN!'

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'YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT!'

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'YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT!
YOU!'

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'YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT!
YOU! CAN!'

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'YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT!
YOU! CAN! DO!'

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'YOU CAN WIN! YOU FEEL GREAT!
YOU! CAN! DO! THIS!'

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PICCOLO [sarcastic]: OH HA HA!

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[Simultaneous grunting]

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FREEZA: *Impudent*... *little*...!

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Guh!

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FREEZA: I'm impressed, Vegeta!
When did you graduate from pull-ups?

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VEGETA: 'Bout the same time you got off the rag.

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FREEZA: Cute. But bear no false hope, Vegeta.
You're a mere paper tiger in front of a storm.

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You have no idea what true power I possess.

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VEGETA: It's that you can transform, right?

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FREEZA: I CAN TRANSFORM--!

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...

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OK; when and how?

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VEGETA: Guldo told me.

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[Flashback]

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GULDO: So...

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Did you know that Freeza can transform?

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VEGETA: Huh. That right?

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GULDO: Yeah. And Burter's gay.
[so Burter's second name is Chuck?]

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VEGETA: *Really*?

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[Flashback ends]

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And then I threw a dog treat at him. True story.

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FREEZA: Right... but if you are so aware,
why do you persist in goading me?

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VEGETA: Because Freeza, you're not dealing
with the average Saiyan warrIor anymore.

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I... am a SUPER SAIYAN!

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FREEZA: Oh, here we go...!

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VEGETA: That's right, Freeza. I've risen beyond the
limits of a normal Saiyan and into the realm of yada yada...

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blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah!

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VEGETA: I,

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VEGETA: I, Prince Vegeta,
FREEZA: "Vegeta,"

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VEGETA: I, Prince Vegeta, have become
FREEZA: "Vegeta, have become"

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VEGETA: I, Prince Vegeta, have become a Super Saiyan!
FREEZA: "Vegeta, have become a Super Saiyan",

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FREEZA: blah blah blah blah, I get it!

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Then you beat your chest and threw your dung at the zookeepers.

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VEGETA: Go ahead and mock me
Freeza, but I'm not afraid of you.

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So why don't you doll yourself up
and get ready for a night on the town,

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because I'm about to take you to a ballroom blitz.

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FREEZA: Fine, I'll indulge you Mr. "Super Saiyan", but
before I do I have a funny little story I'd like to tell you.

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Mr. "Super Saiyan": Funny how?

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FREEZA: I like to call it
"I Killed Your Dad".

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PRINCE VEGETA [deadpan]: So "haha" funny.

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[Flashback]
FREEZA: You see, thanks to a rogue lower-class warrior,

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[Flashback]
your father caught wind of my plans.

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BUTAREGA: King Vegeta, I have urgent news!

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KING VEGETA: Speak, Butarega!

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BUTAREGA: Bardock has gone absolutely *mad*, sire!

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BARDOCK [o-s, muffled]: FREEZAAAA!

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KING VEGETA: What's all the commotion about?

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BUTAREGA: He's been telling everyone
that Freeza plans to destroy Vegeta!

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KING VEGETA: Wait - my son, the planet or me?

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SMARTASS: ...yes.

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[XD]
DORRAAAAGGGH!

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KING VEGETA: Freakin' smartass.

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Councillor Nappa, what do you think?
[Wait, what?!]

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COUNCILLOR NAPPA: Let me tell you what you need to do:
[Oh fuck right off! XD]

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COUNCILLOR NAPPA: You need to sit him down,
KING VEGETA: Uh huh...

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COUNCILLOR NAPPA: you look him dead in the eye,
KING VEGETA: ...yes...

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COUNCILLOR NAPPA: and you say:

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"Don't blow up my planet."

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KING VEGETA: ...and you think that'll work?

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COUNCILLOR NAPPA: He'd have to be awwwfully evil if it didn't.

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And I'm not gonna lie...

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I like the cut of his jib.

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KING VEGETA: Alright. But I want you to take my son,
the Prince, off-planet just in case things go south.

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COUNCILLOR NAPPA: Don't worry sir, you'll do juuust fine.

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KING VEGETA: Freeza, can I sit down and have a word--?

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FREEZA: (He says yes.)

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KING VEGETA [echo]: GWRRAAUGH...!

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STREET FIGHTER ANNOUNCER: KO! YOU WIN!

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FREEZA: Ya-tta.

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[Flashback ends]
And then I blew the planet up. The End!

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PRINCE VEGETA: How did you know about the parts you weren't there for?

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FREEZA: HIYAAAAAAAAAAH...!

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VEGETA [terrified]: Aah, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-a...!
FREEZA: HIYAAAAAAAAAAH...!

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GOHAN [o-s]: Krillin! Do you feel that?

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KRILLIN [o-s]: I *TASTE* THAT! 
[And with all that purple you know its Grape flavored!]

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FREEZA (now with a deeper voice): All done.
And judging by the expression on your face,

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so are you.

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VEGETA: What? *How*?

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FREEZA: Let's be practical and put a number to that feeling, shall we?
Last time I clocked this form, it was at:

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*One Million*.

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VEGETA: You're lying!

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FREEZA: Am I? Am I really?
[that voice is sooo sexy-no homo]

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{BAM}

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{TCHING}

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VEGETA [o-s]: Not impressed! I can do that too!

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GOHAN: Krillin! Are you OK?

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KRILLIN: Yeah! And I've got Little Green right here.

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[♫ A dark parody of "My Favorite Things" ♫]

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FREEZA: ♫ Peaceful young races with fires on their houses ♫

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♫ Millions of voices all silenced like mouses ♫

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♫ Watching the cowards bow toward their new king ♫

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♫ These are a few of my favorite things ♫

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KRILLIN: Is it just me, or is he singing to himself?

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FREEZA: HIIROOOAAAGGH!

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KRILLIN: GAAH-AA-AACK! {1}

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GOHAN: KRILLIIIIN!

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VEGETA: 'Well, he's dead.'

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KRILLIN [through gritted teeth]: This...!

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KRILLIN [through gritted teeth]: This...! Jis...!

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KRILLIN [through gritted teeth]: This...! Jis...! *The worst*...!

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KRILLIN [through gritted teeth]: This...! Jis...! *The worst*...! PAI-AI-AI-AIN!!

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FREEZA: Really?

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[Krillin continues to cry out in pain]
Sure it isn't THIS? {2}

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[Krillin continues to cry out in pain]
Sure it isn't THIS? Or THIS? {3}

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[Krillin continues to cry out in pain]
Sure it isn't THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? {4}

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[Krillin continues to cry out in pain]
Sure it isn't THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? {5}

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[Krillin continues to cry out in pain]
Sure it isn't THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? Or THIS? {6}

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[LOL, the KOC ain't stoppin' anytime soon XD]
[♪ Super Mario Bros. - 1-UP Mushroom SFX ♪] {7}

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[LOL, the KOC ain't stoppin' anytime soon XD]
[♪ Super Mario Bros. - 1-UP Mushroom SFX ♪] {8}

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GOHAN: Krillin, stop! You're making him stronger!

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KRILLIN [gurgling]: I! {9}

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KRILLIN [gurgling]: I! Can't! {10}

218
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KRILLIN [gurgling]: I! Can't! Help! {11}

219
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:05,260
KRILLIN [gurgling]: I! Can't! Help! It!! {12}

220
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,620
FREEZA: One down...

221
00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:14,620
Ah, I think impalement is my favorite way to kill a person.
[Ohhhh myyyyy!]

222
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,720
Triggerd: You...

223
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,800
Triggerd Half: You... condescending...

224
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,560
Triggered:: You... condescending... sadistic...

225
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:20,780
Triggerd: You... condescending... sadistic... *callous*...

226
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:22,440
⚠️ MOTHERF**KER ⚠️

227
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:22,940
FREEZA: Pardon--?

228
00:08:22,940 --> 00:08:23,440
BUWHOA!

229
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:23,940
BUWHOA! OOF!

230
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:24,560
BUWHOA! OOF! D'hoagh!

231
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,940
[Etc...]

232
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:32,480
GOHAN: GOHAN SMASHED EFFEMINATE ALIEN!
GOHAN STRONGEST THERE IS!

233
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,820
{DOOOOM}

234
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:49,500
VEGETA: Yeah! How's that feel, Freeza?! Now if you can,
why don't ya pick ya sorry ass up, and take on a *real* Saiya--?!

235
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,320
an-na-na-na-na-naa...

236
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,200
EFFEMINATE ALIEN: Huh... that happened.

237
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,440
Vegeta, mind sitting right there for just a moment?
I need to go play babysitter.

238
00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,160
GOHAN: 'Uh, think! What would Dad do in this situation?'
[bad choice boy]

239
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,080
[Flashback]

240
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,640
GOKU: Bye, son!

241
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:03,420
[Flashback ends]

242
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,220
GOHAN: 'I'm beginning to think I have issues.'
[better find a good psychiatrist]

243
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,920
AAAHEHHuh! Ohh...

244
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,300
[More strangled cries of pain]

245
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,680
FREEZA: So Vegeta, does this get you an-gry?

246
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,340
VEGETA: Not really; kind of a smartass.

247
00:09:15,340 --> 00:09:17,560
FREEZA: Well then, why am I even bothering?

248
00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,500
VEGETA: Because you get off on it?

249
00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:21,360
FREEZA: Oh, unbelievably!

250
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:21,860
GOHAN: Uhh!
FREEZA: Oh, unbelievably!

251
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:22,520
FREEZA: Huh?

252
00:09:24,820 --> 00:09:27,360
Alright, who has the balls?!

253
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:31,420
KRILLIN: Kiss my ass bitch! I'm immortal!

254
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:32,120
FREEZA: (Growling)

255
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:37,000
KRILLIN: WOO, HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!
SUUCK MYY DIIIIIIIIIIII--!

256
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:43,000
VEGETA: 'How the hell did he get up?! Oh my God, I
swear if he used that wish of immortality *on himself*,'

257
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,660
'I AM GOING TO MURDER--!'

258
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:46,200
...

259
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,220
...*that*...

260
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:48,620
...*that*... *bastard*!

261
00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:52,760
DENDE: Come on, you can't leave me alone here;
you're the only one I can talk to!

262
00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:56,640
GOHAN: I... you... healed me.

263
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,320
DENDE: You are the only one I respect.

264
00:09:58,320 --> 00:09:59,960
GOHAN: Then why did you heal Krillin?

265
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,280
DENDE: The better question is:
Why did I tell him he was immortal?
[why indeed]

266
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,200
KRILLIN: Holy crap! Thank God I'm immortal!

267
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,720
DENDE [o-s]: Actually I healed you, you idiot!

268
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,400
KRILLIN: Wait... so I could've *died* back there?

269
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,840
VEGETA: Yeah; and unlike the runt and
I, you don't get a power boost from it.

270
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,700
KRILLIN [indignant]: Hax! I call hax!

271
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,000
The Runt: How *did* you escape?

272
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,540
KRILLIN: Oh, it was awesome! See, he
was gaining on me there for a minute,

273
00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:25,680
but then I managed to lose him in some crevices,
but he kept cutting me off at every pass!

274
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:26,700
VEGETA [surprised]: He didn't just blow it up?

275
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:29,760
KRILLIN: I thought the same thing, but no!
So I thought fast and used the

276
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:30,760
Solar Flare on him!
[Oh God, it's Mr. Creosote with boobs!]

277
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,320
GOHAN [hopeful]: And then you used your Kienzan to cut him in half?
[you do realize this is *krillin* we speak about here?!]

278
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:34,400
KRILLIN: Uhhhm...

279
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,140
FREEZA: I WILL MOUNT YOUR HEAD
WHERE MY TAIL USED TO BE!!

280
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,620
KRILLIN: (Says no twice.)

281
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:42,700
VEGETA: DUST THIS BITCH!

282
00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:48,440
KRILLIN [o-s]: Did we get him?!
(no)

283
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,200
GOHAN [o-s]: Krillin, we can feel his energy.
Why do you bother asking?

284
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:52,140
KRILLIN [o-s]: I'm an optimist.
(no you are not)

285
00:10:52,140 --> 00:10:53,080
VEGETA [o-s]: You're an idiot.
(yes he his)

286
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,500
FREEZA: You're both wrong.
You're dead.
(also true)

287
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:57,980
GOHAN: Y'know what? I'm sick of this!

288
00:10:57,980 --> 00:11:02,080
If I'm gonna die, then I'm gonna go out the same way Piccolo would!
[Jumping in front of a Ki Blast?]

289
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:02,880
KRILLIN: GOHAN, NO!

290
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:03,780
VEGETA: NO, GODDAMMIT!

291
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:05,200
GOHAN: Uhh!

292
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:05,740
GOHAN: Uhh!
KRILLIN: Uh!

293
00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:06,360
GOHAN: Uhh!
KRILLIN: Uh!
VEGETA: Urgh!

294
00:11:07,140 --> 00:11:10,600
(♪Magus theme starts rocking♪)

295
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:11,720
GOHAN: M...

296
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,000
GOHAN: M...Mr. Piccolo!

297
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,420
FREEZA: Well, well, well!
I'm legitimately surprised I missed one of you.

298
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:22,460
But that's just fine, because I've been working on
some jokes. Now tell me if you've heard this one:

299
00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:23,940
How many Namekians does it take to--?

300
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:24,740
D'HOAAR!

301
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,320
AWESOME SLUG-MAN: Just one.

302
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:31,480
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]

303
00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:37,640
[♫ "Super Mario Bros." original theme ♫]