[Disclaimer read by Dende]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
FREEZA: To think your race had the ability to produce such capable fighters...
I'm surprised I hadn't destroyed you sooner.
CAPABLE FIGHTER: And to think *your* race has the ability to produce such whiny bitches.
*I'm* surprised anyone can take you seriously.
WHINY BITCH: D'aah-augh!
VEGETA: Wait a damn minute, something's wrong here...
GOHAN: Huh?
VEGETA: Back on your planet, the Namek couldn't even stand up to Nappa; yet here he is now taking on Freeza...
*in his second form*!
GOHAN: What do you think happened?
VEGETA: Well, either Freeza hit me so hard I'm in a delusional coma, or...
GOHAN: Or?
VEGETA: POWER LEVELS ARE BULLS***! [Took him long enough to figure that out.]
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
PICCOLO: Aaaaaahhhrgh!
NAIL: 'Wow, you're really kicking his ass!'
PICCOLO: 'Oh, you're still here...'
NAIL: 'Yeah, I've just been watching you knock this guy around. Kind of bored, wishing I had something to do...'
'You got any ideas?'
PICCOLO: 'Now is NOT the time!' [Since when does he have laser eyes?]
FREEZA: D'ergh!
D'augh!
GOHAN: Piccolo's actually standing up to him, Krillin!
KRILLIN: I don't believe it! We may actually win! [You probably jinxed it just now]
VEGETA: Yeah, that's just, uh...
great, if you'll excuse me though, I've a... got a...
Bye. [COWARD!]
FREEZA: 'Oh, for the love of...'
PICCOLO: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
FREEZA: Time out!
PICCOLO: D'agh--!
Huh?
FREEZA: Would you hold on for a moment, please? I'll be right back.
VEGETA: 'All right, I just gotta find one of the Ginyu ships, and get the hell out of here.' [Not with Freeza chasing you.]
'I'll just go to Freeza Planet 419. No one ever goes to Freeza Planet 419.'
'Not since its species miraculously repopulated...'
[Random prophecies by Kanassans ⬇] I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!
BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KID!
THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!
CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FORM!
GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUY!
GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAAAP! [NOT HIS FAULT!]
VEGETA: Ga-hah!!
FREEZA: So Vegeta, where are you going?
VEGETA: Oh, you know... places...
FREEZA: "Places", hmm? Like that mountain over there?
VEGETA: Actually, that looks more like a plat--
EAAAAAUUUUUUU--!! [NERRRRRRD!!]
[Still want to disagree with him?]
FREEZA: Sorry about that. Where were we? [In an epic battle.]
PICCOLO: Last time I checked, I was planting my foot firmly somewhere between your glebork and squedlispooch.
FREEZA: An admirable feat for a low-life such as yourself. I have a question for you, though...
PICCOLO: What's that?
FREEZA: Die.
PICCOLO: That's... not... a question--
FREEZA: Rreugh! PICCOLO: Aaaaaahhg!
FREEZA: That's because I don't do requests. [So no Careless Whisper, then]
VEGETA [snarky]: Well that didn't last real f***ing long...
FREEZA: Oh, come on now, that was just a love tap. [Freeza can feel romance?]
PICCOLO: Don't think you have the upper hand yet. I'm still wearing weighted armor!
[Neck cracking sound]
KRILLIN: Aw man, that sounded good! Now I have to do my neck! [Don't do it Krillin]
{THWACK} [I warned you]
HUUUUOOHGH MY NECK! [I warned you]
{DING} [I feel sorry for Krillin]
FREEZA: Weighted armor, how quaint... And how much does it weigh?
PICCOLO: Same as it always does:
100 kilo--!
...Oh.
FREEZA: That's just *cute*!
PICCOLO: That... concept just sort of lost meaning after a while, didn't it?
FREEZA: True... but I have one that's nice, fresh and ripe for abuse: [Transformation.]
Transformation! [Exactly.]
And spoiler warning - it's not getting old any time soon. [No kidding, almost everyone uses it later in the series.]
PICCOLO: You can't be serious! [Yes he is, Piccolo.]
FREEZA: Oh, but I am. See, I merely... (trails off)
NAIL: 'Hey man, can I talk to you about something really quick?'
PICCOLO: 'I'm *seriously* in the middle of something right now!'
NAIL: 'Yeah, I know, but I've been looking around and you've got like, no apps on here.'
'I have already played the *crap* out of Minesweeper.'
PICCOLO: 'COULD YOU JUST--?'
'Wait, I have apps? I have Minesweeper?!'
'I just thought I could connect to the internet with my antennae.'
NAIL: 'I didn't even know we COULD do that!' [Probably because you don't *have* internet.]
PICCOLO: 'Well, you learn something new every day. Now could you let me focus--'
NAIL: 'Heeeey... you wanna play me in Minesweeper?'
PICCOLO: 'You CAN'T play someone in Minesweeper; that's a single player game!'
NAIL: 'Nah, see, first I go, then you go and try to beat my time--' [Sounds like a good idea.]
'Unh, hey, is he transforming?' [Obviously.]
PICCOLO: Uh?! DAMN IT!
FREEZA: HAHHHHHHHHHH!
FREEZA (voice adopts raspy tone / higher pitch): AHHHHHhhhhhh! [Shit is going to get real!]
Ssso, Namekian - what do you think of my third form? [I think it's creepy.]
PICCOLO: I think Ridley Scott's gonna sue somebody. [Exactly, Piccolo.]
FREEZA: What are you talking about? [Copyright infringement.]
Yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn! [o_o]
Let me touch your skin! [0_0]
PICCOLO: Ugh! [My thoughts exactly!]
GOHAN: Oh no, this is horrible! How could this happen!? [Unoriginality?]
VEGETA: He's going to kill us all! [Why do you all let him transform them?]
KRILLIN: HEEEEELP ME! [Kinda too late for that Krillin.]
PICCOLO: HAHHHHHHH!
Hyah!
Hyah, hyah! [*Intense dodging*]
(Rapid hyahs), HYAH! [You know where this is going.]
Grrrrrrrh!
Hya--D'AARRGH!
FREEZA: Poor little Namekian! Can't touch me anymore!
How about this: Let's play a game!
Ever heard of paintball? [Yes I have.]
POOR LITTLE NAMEKIAN: Yeah...
FREEZA: Just remove the "T".
POOR LITTLE NAMEKIAN: I don't get it--
ARUGH-HUH, I GET IT!! [PAINBALL!]
FREEZA: Now for your other glu-bock! [The hell's a glu-bock?!]
PICCOLO: ARGH! [Sound like it REALLY hurt!]
You're not really familiar with our anatomy, are you? [Well to be fair Piccolo, neither am I.]
FREEZA: It doesn't matter; I'll hit your glu-bock somewhere! [I don't think it works like that]
GOHAN: PICCOLO, NOOO!
KRILLIN: Aw, not this crap again!
VEGETA: HOLD ON!
I have an idea, and I don't want to hear any of your stupid crap.
KRILLIN: I only promise to try.
VEGETA: I need you to - and follow me on this one! -
...*almost* kill me. [YAY ZENKAI ABUSE!]
KRILLIN: Almost... kill you? [You heard him correctly Krillin.]
VEGETA: Yeah.
KRILLIN: And there's no repercussion for this? [He's going to beat the shit out of you.]
VEGETA: ...I will not punch you. [Liar.]
KRILLIN: Oddly specific. [Don't trust him Krillin.]
VEGETA: I'm going to need a moment to prepare myself, otherwise I might go into--
SHOOOOCK!! [You're screwed Krillin.]
YOU ARE SO PUNCHED! [Knew it.]
PICCOLO: AUGHHAAHAA! WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING!? [Because you won't DOOOOOOOOODGE!!]
GOHAN: Circling around, Mr. Piccolo!
Hey, Freeza!
The human body is composed of 75% water. I am 100% *death*! [NERRRRD!]
HAVE SOME!
FREEZA: What?!
GUAHHH!
Oh no~! The invincible Lord Freeza defeated by a mere child! What dramatic irony!
Ohohoho nohoho...
Ohohoho nohoho... just kidding.
MERE CHILD: 'Crap baskets...!'
Mr. Piccolo! You saved me again!
PICCOLO: "Saved" is sort of subjective here. [I agree Piccolo.]
FREEZA: So, we're all well aware that that all basically equated to a game of hot space-potato, right? [I am aware Freeza.]
Well then, I say we get a move-on! Who here's tired of my third form? [Ridley Scott is obviously.]
PICCOLO: Me. GOHAN: Me. KRILLIN: Me.
FREEZA: Alrighty, then! Final form it is!
KRILLIN: Personally, I was a bigger fan of the first form.
PICCOLO: I'd settle on second, really.
FREEZA: HYAHHHHHHH...!
GOHAN: Come on, Mr. Piccolo.
PICCOLO: Urgghh...
GOHAN: Don't worry, we have Dende. He can heal you! [Well not for long.]
Krillin, where's Dende?
KRILLIN: I dunno but Little Green's over there with Vegeta.
GOHAN: Why?
KRILLIN: I blew a hole in his chest.
GOHAN: ...WHY?! [Zenkai abuse Gohan.]
KRILLIN: Because he asked for it. [He's not wrong.]
VEGETA: Gaaugh...
You... green thing...
Heal me.
GREEN THING: Oh I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you over the smell of my people's blood on your hands. [Pretty sure that's his own blood, actually...]
VEGETA: Oh no... do not be that guy right now. [Oh yes he will Vegeta.]
THAT GUY RIGHT NOW: Oh, I'm going to be that guy right now.
VEGETA: I am LITERALLY going to die! [He's not wrong.]
THAT GUY RIGHT NOW: Well, how about this: I'll heal you, on one condition...
VEGETA: And that is?
DENDE: Say my name. [Dende.]
VEGETA: Oh...
uhhhhhhhhhhh...
UHHHHHHHHHHH: You don't even know my name.
VEGETA: OH! I-I do! It's, uh...
Um, uh...
Little... Green? [No, Dende.]
TOTALLY NOT LITTLE GREEN: Hahahahahaha - no.
No - it's Dende.
Say "Dende".
VEGETA: Dende.
DENDE: Now say, "Please heal me, Dende."
VEGETA: Please heal me, Dende.
DENDE: Well, since you asked so nicely...
VEGETA: Come back, magic man...
augh...
[High pitch/frequency pulse] MAGIC MAN: And you, my friend, are a subject of nepotism.
[High pitch/frequency pulse] PICCOLO: Ughh...
Thank you, magic man.
MAGIC MAN: It's good to have you back, Nail.
PICCOLO: I'm not Nail.
NAIL: 'Technically you kinda are.'
TECHNICALLY NAIL: Shut up, Nail!
DENDE: Why are you talking to yourself?
TECHNICALLY NAIL: No reason; now go heal Vegeta.
DENDE: Why would I do that?
FREEZA: AHHHHHHH...! [There's your reason Dende.]
TECHNICALLY NAIL: Because *that*.
DENDE: Oh yeah... that's happening right now. [Yes it is.]
FREEZA: YEH-AHHHHHHHHH...!
GOHAN: Krillin, why aren't you using your Kienzan? [Exactly Gohan.]
KRILLIN: Yeah you know, I keep forgetting to do that.
GOHAN: ...And?
KRILLIN: Well, I kind of used all my energy to mortally wound Vegeta.
GOHAN: Seriously, what did I miss?! [Zenkai abuse.]
DENDE [off-screen]: (Sigh), twist my arm a little bit more, why don't cha?
VEGETA: You... healed me.
DENDE [o-s]: Of course I did. I'm a nice guy.
VEGETA: And now what's to stop me from kicking your face in?
DENDE: Because you touch me... and you're not getting back up again.
WHITE MAGE: That's right, I'm your White Mage...
and *nobody*...
WHITE MAGE: That's right, I'm your White Mage... and *nobody*... f**ks...
WHITE MAGE: That's right, I'm your White Mage... and *nobody*... f**ks... with the White Mage.
*FIRAGA* [Nobody on his team that is...]
[The Enemy Final Boss on the other hand...]
FREEZA (now with his normal cultured tone): Oh, I feel REAL good about my life right now.
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
KRILLIN: LITTLE GREEN! NOOOOOO!
GOHAN: Actually, Krillin, his name was Dende.
KRILLIN: Huh, that's funny. Never spoke up about it. [That's why you get punched so much.]