1
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[Disclaimer read by Dende]

2
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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please
select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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FREEZA: To think your race had the ability
to produce such capable fighters...

4
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I'm surprised I hadn't destroyed you sooner.

5
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CAPABLE FIGHTER: And to think *your* race
has the ability to produce such whiny bitches.

6
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*I'm* surprised anyone can take you seriously.

7
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WHINY BITCH: D'aah-augh!

8
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VEGETA: Wait a damn minute, something's wrong here...

9
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GOHAN: Huh?

10
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VEGETA: Back on your planet, the Namek couldn't even
stand up to Nappa; yet here he is now taking on Freeza...

11
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*in his second form*!

12
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GOHAN: What do you think happened?

13
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VEGETA: Well, either Freeza hit me
so hard I'm in a delusional coma, or...

14
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GOHAN: Or?

15
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VEGETA: POWER LEVELS ARE BULLS***!
[Took him long enough to figure that out.]

16
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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

17
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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

18
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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

19
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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

20
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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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PICCOLO: Aaaaaahhhrgh!

22
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NAIL: 'Wow, you're really kicking his ass!'

23
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PICCOLO: 'Oh, you're still here...'

24
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NAIL: 'Yeah, I've just been watching you knock this guy around.
Kind of bored, wishing I had something to do...'

25
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'You got any ideas?'

26
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PICCOLO: 'Now is NOT the time!'
[Since when does he have laser eyes?]

27
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FREEZA: D'ergh!

28
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D'augh!

29
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GOHAN: Piccolo's actually standing up to him, Krillin!

30
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KRILLIN: I don't believe it! We may actually win!
[You probably jinxed it just now]

31
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VEGETA: Yeah, that's just, uh...

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great, if you'll excuse me though, I've a... got a...

33
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Bye.
[COWARD!]

34
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FREEZA: 'Oh, for the love of...'

35
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PICCOLO: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!

36
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FREEZA: Time out!

37
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PICCOLO: D'agh--!

38
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Huh?

39
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FREEZA: Would you hold on for a moment, please?
I'll be right back.

40
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VEGETA: 'All right, I just gotta find one of
the Ginyu ships, and get the hell out of here.'
[Not with Freeza chasing you.]

41
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'I'll just go to Freeza Planet 419.
No one ever goes to Freeza Planet 419.'

42
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'Not since its species miraculously repopulated...'

43
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[Random prophecies by Kanassans ⬇]
I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!

44
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BULMA AND VEGETA HAVE A KID!

45
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THE REAL BUU IS A CHILD!

46
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CELL REACHES HIS PERFECT FORM!

47
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GOTEN AND TRUNKS BECOME A GUY!

48
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GOHAN IS THE STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE
BUT STILL DOESN'T DO CRAAAP!
[NOT HIS FAULT!]

49
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VEGETA: Ga-hah!!

50
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FREEZA: So Vegeta, where are you going?

51
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VEGETA: Oh, you know... places...

52
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FREEZA: "Places", hmm?
Like that mountain over there?

53
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VEGETA: Actually, that looks more like a plat--

54
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EAAAAAUUUUUUU--!!
[NERRRRRRD!!]

55
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[Still want to disagree with him?]

56
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FREEZA: Sorry about that. Where were we?
[In an epic battle.]

57
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PICCOLO: Last time I checked, I was planting my foot
firmly somewhere between your glebork and squedlispooch.

58
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FREEZA: An admirable feat for a low-life such as yourself.
I have a question for you, though...

59
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PICCOLO: What's that?

60
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FREEZA: Die.

61
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PICCOLO: That's... not... a question--

62
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FREEZA: Rreugh!
PICCOLO: Aaaaaahhg!

63
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FREEZA: That's because I don't do requests.
[So no Careless Whisper, then]

64
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VEGETA [snarky]: Well that didn't last real f***ing long...

65
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FREEZA: Oh, come on now, that was just a love tap.
[Freeza can feel romance?]

66
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PICCOLO: Don't think you have the upper hand yet.
I'm still wearing weighted armor!

67
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[Neck cracking sound]

68
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KRILLIN: Aw man, that sounded good!
Now I have to do my neck!
[Don't do it Krillin]

69
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{THWACK}
[I warned you]

70
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HUUUUOOHGH MY NECK!
[I warned you]

71
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{DING}
[I feel sorry for Krillin]

72
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FREEZA: Weighted armor, how quaint...
And how much does it weigh?

73
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PICCOLO: Same as it always does:

74
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100 kilo--!

75
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...Oh.

76
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FREEZA: That's just *cute*!

77
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PICCOLO: That... concept just sort of
lost meaning after a while, didn't it?

78
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FREEZA: True... but I have one that's nice, fresh and ripe for abuse:
[Transformation.]

79
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Transformation!
[Exactly.]

80
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And spoiler warning - it's not getting old any time soon.
[No kidding, almost everyone uses it later in the series.]

81
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PICCOLO: You can't be serious!
[Yes he is, Piccolo.]

82
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FREEZA: Oh, but I am.
See, I merely... (trails off)

83
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NAIL: 'Hey man, can I talk to you about something really quick?'

84
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PICCOLO: 'I'm *seriously* in the middle of something right now!'

85
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NAIL: 'Yeah, I know, but I've been looking
around and you've got like, no apps on here.'

86
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'I have already played the *crap* out of Minesweeper.'

87
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PICCOLO: 'COULD YOU JUST--?'

88
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'Wait, I have apps? I have Minesweeper?!'

89
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'I just thought I could connect to
the internet with my antennae.'

90
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NAIL: 'I didn't even know we COULD do that!'
[Probably because you don't *have* internet.]

91
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PICCOLO: 'Well, you learn something new every day.
Now could you let me focus--'

92
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NAIL: 'Heeeey... you wanna play me in Minesweeper?'

93
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PICCOLO: 'You CAN'T play someone in Minesweeper;
that's a single player game!'

94
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NAIL: 'Nah, see, first I go, then you go and try to beat my time--'
[Sounds like a good idea.]

95
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'Unh, hey, is he transforming?'
[Obviously.]

96
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PICCOLO: Uh?! DAMN IT!

97
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FREEZA: HAHHHHHHHHHH!

98
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FREEZA (voice adopts raspy tone / higher pitch): AHHHHHhhhhhh!
[Shit is going to get real!]

99
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Ssso, Namekian - what do you think of my third form?
[I think it's creepy.]

100
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PICCOLO: I think Ridley Scott's gonna sue somebody.
[Exactly, Piccolo.]

101
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FREEZA: What are you talking about?
[Copyright infringement.]

102
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Yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn yahn!
[o_o]

103
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Let me touch your skin!
[0_0]

104
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PICCOLO: Ugh!
[My thoughts exactly!]

105
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GOHAN: Oh no, this is horrible! How could this happen!?
[Unoriginality?]

106
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VEGETA: He's going to kill us all!
[Why do you all let him transform them?]

107
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KRILLIN: HEEEEELP ME!
[Kinda too late for that Krillin.]

108
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PICCOLO: HAHHHHHHH!

109
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Hyah!

110
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Hyah, hyah!
[*Intense dodging*]

111
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(Rapid hyahs), HYAH!
[You know where this is going.]

112
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Grrrrrrrh!

113
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Hya--D'AARRGH!

114
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FREEZA: Poor little Namekian!
Can't touch me anymore!

115
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How about this:
Let's play a game!

116
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Ever heard of paintball?
[Yes I have.]

117
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POOR LITTLE NAMEKIAN: Yeah...

118
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FREEZA: Just remove the "T".

119
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POOR LITTLE NAMEKIAN: I don't get it--

120
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ARUGH-HUH, I GET IT!!
[PAINBALL!]

121
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FREEZA: Now for your other glu-bock!
[The hell's a glu-bock?!]

122
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PICCOLO: ARGH!
[Sound like it REALLY hurt!]

123
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You're not really familiar with our anatomy, are you?
[Well to be fair Piccolo, neither am I.]

124
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FREEZA: It doesn't matter; I'll hit your glu-bock somewhere!
[I don't think it works like that]

125
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GOHAN: PICCOLO, NOOO!

126
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KRILLIN: Aw, not this crap again!

127
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VEGETA: HOLD ON!

128
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I have an idea, and I don't want to hear any of your stupid crap.

129
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KRILLIN: I only promise to try.

130
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VEGETA: I need you to - and follow me on this one! -

131
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...*almost* kill me.
[YAY ZENKAI ABUSE!]

132
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KRILLIN: Almost... kill you?
[You heard him correctly Krillin.]

133
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VEGETA: Yeah.

134
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KRILLIN: And there's no repercussion for this?
[He's going to beat the shit out of you.]

135
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VEGETA: ...I will not punch you.
[Liar.]

136
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KRILLIN: Oddly specific.
[Don't trust him Krillin.]

137
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VEGETA: I'm going to need a moment to
prepare myself, otherwise I might go into--

138
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SHOOOOCK!!
[You're screwed Krillin.]

139
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YOU ARE SO PUNCHED!
[Knew it.]

140
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PICCOLO: AUGHHAAHAA! WHY IS THIS STILL HAPPENING!?
[Because you won't DOOOOOOOOODGE!!]

141
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GOHAN: Circling around, Mr. Piccolo!

142
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Hey, Freeza!

143
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The human body is composed of 75% water.
I am 100% *death*!
[NERRRRD!]

144
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HAVE SOME!

145
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FREEZA: What?!

146
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:37,480
GUAHHH!

147
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:44,400
Oh no~! The invincible Lord Freeza defeated
by a mere child! What dramatic irony!

148
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,280
Ohohoho nohoho...

149
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,140
Ohohoho nohoho... just kidding.

150
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MERE CHILD: 'Crap baskets...!'

151
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,660
Mr. Piccolo! You saved me again!

152
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PICCOLO: "Saved" is sort of subjective here.
[I agree Piccolo.]

153
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FREEZA: So, we're all well aware that that all
basically equated to a game of hot space-potato, right?
[I am aware Freeza.]

154
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Well then, I say we get a move-on!
Who here's tired of my third form?
[Ridley Scott is obviously.]

155
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PICCOLO: Me.
GOHAN: Me.
KRILLIN: Me.

156
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,520
FREEZA: Alrighty, then! Final form it is!

157
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,660
KRILLIN: Personally, I was a bigger fan of the first form.

158
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PICCOLO: I'd settle on second, really.

159
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FREEZA: HYAHHHHHHH...!

160
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GOHAN: Come on, Mr. Piccolo.

161
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PICCOLO: Urgghh...

162
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GOHAN: Don't worry, we have Dende.
He can heal you!
[Well not for long.]

163
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Krillin, where's Dende?

164
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,900
KRILLIN: I dunno but Little Green's over there with Vegeta.

165
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GOHAN: Why?

166
00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:29,780
KRILLIN: I blew a hole in his chest.

167
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:31,140
GOHAN: ...WHY?!
[Zenkai abuse Gohan.]

168
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,320
KRILLIN: Because he asked for it.
[He's not wrong.]

169
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,340
VEGETA: Gaaugh...

170
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,760
You... green thing...

171
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,040
Heal me.

172
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:41,600
GREEN THING: Oh I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time hearing you
over the smell of my people's blood on your hands.
[Pretty sure that's his own blood, actually...]

173
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,620
VEGETA: Oh no... do not be that guy right now.
[Oh yes he will Vegeta.]

174
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:46,820
THAT GUY RIGHT NOW: Oh, I'm going to be that guy right now.

175
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:50,200
VEGETA: I am LITERALLY going to die!
[He's not wrong.]

176
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:54,020
THAT GUY RIGHT NOW: Well, how about this:
I'll heal you, on one condition...

177
00:06:54,020 --> 00:06:55,140
VEGETA: And that is?

178
00:06:55,140 --> 00:06:56,200
DENDE: Say my name.
[Dende.]

179
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:57,420
VEGETA: Oh...

180
00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,780
uhhhhhhhhhhh...

181
00:06:59,780 --> 00:07:01,580
UHHHHHHHHHHH: You don't even know my name.

182
00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:03,360
VEGETA: OH! I-I do! It's, uh...

183
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:04,440
Um, uh...

184
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:06,800
Little... Green?
[No, Dende.]

185
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,800
TOTALLY NOT LITTLE GREEN: Hahahahahaha - no.

186
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,180
No - it's Dende.

187
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:11,320
Say "Dende".

188
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:11,960
VEGETA: Dende.

189
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,220
DENDE: Now say, "Please heal me, Dende."

190
00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:15,640
VEGETA: Please heal me, Dende.

191
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,640
DENDE: Well, since you asked so nicely...

192
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,140
VEGETA: Come back, magic man...

193
00:07:22,140 --> 00:07:23,080
augh...

194
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,040
[High pitch/frequency pulse]
MAGIC MAN: And you, my friend, are a subject of nepotism.

195
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:26,960
[High pitch/frequency pulse]
PICCOLO: Ughh...

196
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,280
Thank you, magic man.

197
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,660
MAGIC MAN: It's good to have you back, Nail.

198
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PICCOLO: I'm not Nail.

199
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:31,860
NAIL: 'Technically you kinda are.'

200
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:32,940
TECHNICALLY NAIL: Shut up, Nail!

201
00:07:32,940 --> 00:07:34,360
DENDE: Why are you talking to yourself?

202
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,240
TECHNICALLY NAIL: No reason; now go heal Vegeta.

203
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,400
DENDE: Why would I do that?

204
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,780
FREEZA: AHHHHHHH...!
[There's your reason Dende.]

205
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TECHNICALLY NAIL: Because *that*.

206
00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:43,280
DENDE: Oh yeah... that's happening right now.
[Yes it is.]

207
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:45,460
FREEZA: YEH-AHHHHHHHHH...!

208
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,640
GOHAN: Krillin, why aren't you using your Kienzan?
[Exactly Gohan.]

209
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,060
KRILLIN: Yeah you know, I keep forgetting to do that.

210
00:07:51,060 --> 00:07:51,560
GOHAN: ...And?

211
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:55,160
KRILLIN: Well, I kind of used all
my energy to mortally wound Vegeta.

212
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,000
GOHAN: Seriously, what did I miss?!
[Zenkai abuse.]

213
00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,980
DENDE [off-screen]: (Sigh), twist my arm
a little bit more, why don't cha?

214
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,860
VEGETA: You... healed me.

215
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:04,400
DENDE [o-s]: Of course I did. I'm a nice guy.

216
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,200
VEGETA: And now what's to stop me from kicking your face in?

217
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,360
DENDE: Because you touch me...
and you're not getting back up again.

218
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,140
WHITE MAGE: That's right, I'm your White Mage...

219
00:08:13,140 --> 00:08:14,580
WHITE MAGE: That's right, I'm your White Mage...
and *nobody*...

220
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:15,880
WHITE MAGE: That's right, I'm your White Mage...
and *nobody*... f**ks...

221
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,180
WHITE MAGE: That's right, I'm your White Mage...
and *nobody*... f**ks... with the White Mage.

222
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:18,920
*FIRAGA* [Nobody on his team that is...]

223
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:21,600
[The Enemy Final Boss on the other hand...]

224
00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:26,840
FREEZA (now with his normal cultured tone): Oh, I feel
REAL good about my life right now.

225
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,780
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]

226
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,300
KRILLIN: LITTLE GREEN! NOOOOOO!

227
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,720
GOHAN: Actually, Krillin, his name was Dende.

228
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,680
KRILLIN: Huh, that's funny.
Never spoke up about it.
[That's why you get punched so much.]