[Disclaimer read by Vegeta]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
GOKU: ♪ 'You put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up' ♪
♪ 'You put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em both up' ♪
KING KAI [telepathically]: Goku, come in!
GOKU [t]: Oh hey, King Kai!
KING KAI [t]: Your friends are in trouble, Goku! Are you healed yet?
GOKU [t]: Uhh... nah, I don't think so.
KING KAI [t]: Well, how long do you think it's gonna take?
GOKU [t]: Well, I think the machine will tell me when I'm done.
KING KAI [t]: OK... you *think*, or you *know*? [both aren't goku strong side]
GOKU [t]: ♪ ...You put the lime in the coconut-- ♪
KING KAI [t]: GOKU!
GOKU [t]: Aww c'mon, King Kai, they don't need my help. I bet they're doing just fine on their own. [You *are* thinking of the same people we are, right?]
VEGETA [off-screen]: Healer's down!
KRILLIN: Need a res!
GOHAN: Out of mana!
VEGETA: WAAAAAAAGH...!
KRILLIN: WAAAAAAAH...! VEGETA: WAAAAAAAGH...!
GOHAN: AAAAAAAH...! KRILLIN: WAAAAAAAH...! VEGETA: WAAAAAAAGH...!
FREEZA: >:) GOHAN: AAAAAAAH...! KRILLIN: WAAAAAAAH...! VEGETA: WAAAAAAAGH...!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
[Dramatic sting]
PICCOLO: (Growling)
FREEZA: It's been so long since I've had to use this form. It feels like an old suit I never have an occasion to wear.
PICCOLO: Ugh! KRILLIN: Ugh!
FREEZA: Unfortunately, whenever I put it on...
someone *dies*. [Freeza's final form cost: One soul.]
GOHAN: Dende... *no*!
FREEZA: Oh, don't cry for the poor thing. I've saved him the fate of seeing what I'm about to do to you.
VEGETA: Joke's on you; he hated the bald one . [WHICH BALD ONE?!]
KRILLIN: Hey, that's not fair! [What Isn't?]
He just met Piccolo! [Pretty sure Dende thought Piccolo was Nail.]
[Dramatic music]
[Damn it, Gohan! Dodge!]
VEGETA: GET DOWN!
{BOOOM} [Dramatic sting]
KRILLIN: I couldn't even follow that attack! It was almost instantaneous! [Are you even going to recognize that Vegeta helped Gohan?]
VEGETA: Yep! Just gonna stand here and keep being awesome.
PICCOLO: There's nothing we can do against that kind of power! [Really? Nothing?]
VEGETA: Uhh, hello? Awesome. Right here.
GOHAN: We're all gonna die! [Guess not. Proceed.]
VEGETA: You know what? All of you better duck, because I'm about to turn left,
and I don't wanna smack you with my dick. [No wonder he got Bulma...]
FREEZA [patronizing]: Oh look at you, Vegeta. You're really going to fight me.
Well, n-not really fight, more like... flailing angrily... [that not 'Untrue']
VEGETA: Make your jokes while you can, Freeza, because I can now see the peak of your power... [Vegeta, if only you knew... If only you Knew...]
while I'm only beginning to tap into mine. [Vegeta, if only you knew... If only you Knew...]
FREEZA: I feel like we've been here before. Have we been here before? [Yes you have.]
VEGETA: You see, I have finally realized the legend!
FREEZA: Oh my God, this *is* happening again!
VEGETA: That's right. You're not dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore, Freeza.
I,
I, Vegeta,
I, Vegeta, have finally become:
THE LEGENDARY
I, Vegeta, have finally become: THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAIYAN™!
[Dramatic sting]
FREEZA [Sick of this shit]: OK, seriously, first off - "Super Saiyan"...
what *is* that? What even *is* that? I'll tell you what it is: [The... Like, Only thing you fear and the reason you blew up Planet Vegeta when you did?]
It's just some *stupid* legend passed by your filthy monkey ancestors around a campfire like it was their own dung!
Let me tell you, Vegeta:
I don't deal in *legends*;
Let me tell you, Vegeta: I don't deal in *legends*; I deal in facts.
And here's a fact:
By the end of this, you are going to be crying... [FREEZA CAN SEE THE FUTUUUURE]
By the end of this, you are going to be crying... like a little... [FREEZA CAN SEE THE FUTUUUURE]
By the end of this, you are going to be crying... like a little... *bitch*. [FREEZA CAN SEE THE FUTUUUURE]
VEGETA: ...Bitch, you just jealous of my Super Saiyan Swagger!
FREEZA: Oh, for f**k's sake...
VEGETA: HAARRRWAAUGH!
HYAHH! [What did that mountain do to you?]
[Vegeta continues to grunt while he attacks Freeza]
'Yes! I have him on the ropes! All he can do is dodge me!'
FREEZA: 'God - Zarbon's dead, Dodoria's dead, the Ginyu's are dead... this has been one giant mess.' [And Cui...and Appule]
'It's just like that jockstrap incident; only now, I don't have Ginyu around to dig the holes.'
VEGETA: AAAARRRRGH!
Huh? Wha--?
FREEZA: This may be a little off topic, but how good are you at digging holes?
VEGETA: Ugh! FREEZA: This may be a little off topic, but how good are you at digging holes?
[Well, he can blow up a planet with Ki, so probably pretty good.]
VEGETA: What are--
FREEZA: I mean, besides the one you've already dug yourself into.
VEGETA: Hurrgh, don't you MOCK ME!!
FREEZA [intrigued]: Oh?
VEGETA: HRAAAAGH!
HRAGH! HRAGH! HRAGH! HRAGH!
KRILLIN: I don't get it! Why can't Vegeta hit him?!
VEGETA: DAKKA! DAKKA! DAKKA! PICCOLO: Because he keeps aiming where he is instead of where he's going to be! [Shows he's never played Space Invaders before.]
GOHAN: Uuugh!
PICCOLO: 'Oh, crap (!)'
FREEZA: >:) KRILLIN [o-s]: So, does this mean we should--?
PICCOLO: DOOODGE!!
KRILLIN: Hah! PICCOLO: DOOODGE!!
VEGETA: DAKKA! DAKKA! DAKKA! DAKKA! DA--!
DAKKA! DAKKA--
DAKKA DAKKA--AH!
VEGETA: Ah... hurrgh! FREEZA: So, are we done playing children's games, Vegeta? [You can play Yu-Gi-Oh next.]
FREEZA: Or do I have to *tickle* you? [Or Pokemon.]
VEGETA: St-stop... stop, stop... FREEZA: Eh? Eh~? Coochie coo, coochie coochie coochie coo?
VEGETA: STOP IT OR I'M GONNA BLOW YOU UP!!
We'll see how you stand up to everything I've got!
Take...
Take... My
Take... My Super...
Take... my Super... Saiyan...
Take... my Super... Saiyan... WRAAATH!!
FREEZA: 'Oh, and I should probably send the Ginyu's families something...'
'Perhaps some wine, a gift basket...'
[Falcon Kick!]
VEGETA: AUGH!
FREEZA: '...or maybe gift baskets *with* wine.' [Huh, he really is a good dictator. Just don't piss him off.]
VEGETA [saddened]: Wh-what...?
VEGETA [saddened]: Wh-what...? How-aah...?
VEGETA [saddened]: Wh-what...? How-aah...? How is tha--...?
VEGETA [saddened]: Wh-what...? How-aah...? How is tha--...? Oh God...
FREEZA: See? It's like I told you, Vegeta... like a *bitch*! [FREEZA CAN SEE THE FUTUUUURE]
A BITCH: [tearful]: Shut up!!
FREEZA: Oh my *God*, you actually are crying! >:D
A BITCH [crying]: I'm not crying!! Not!!
FREEZA: Honestly, now I just feel bad. Usually, I just blow up whatever's in my way,
but with you, I've gotten kind of attached. [Vegeta whimpers in fear]
It's sort of like putting down Old Space Yeller. [Damn.]
KRILLIN [o-s]: How is that a thing?? [He's evil Krillin, he doesn't care.]
FREEZA: It's sad, really... but before we part ways, Vegeta, let me tell you a *tale*.
["Prince Of All Monkeys Gets Whipped"] VEGETA: AAAAH!
FREEZA: The End. [Story end] [Good story. *****]
{SPLASH}
[Moses ain't got shit on Emperor Freeza.]
FREEZA: See that, Vegeta? Now, for my next trick, I'm going to make an asshole disappear!
ORPHEUS (yes, the crab): Wagwan, brethren Vegeta? Me be a spirit animal.
And me here tell you how to mash up that bumbaclot Freeza. All ya gotta do is-- [Vegeta groans and pants]
AAH! [Apparently Freeza likes live crabs... who knew?]
{Nom nom nom}
{GULP}
FREEZA: Hey, Vegeta!
VEGETA: Wha... whaat--?
{THUMP} BAAH!
FREEZA: Stop hitting yourself.
{THUMP} VEGETA: UUGH!
FREEZA: Stop hitting yourself.
{THUMP} VEGETA: URGH!
FREEZA: Stop hitting yourself.
{THUMP} VEGETA: AAGH-AAH!
{THUD} Aha! Haha, you're the one hitting me!
FREEZA: Au contraire, Vegeta... you brought this upon yourself. [He's not wrong.]
VEGETA: UGH! AAH!
BUGH!
KRILLIN: Should... we... help... him?
GOHAN: WUGH! KRILLIN: WUGH! PICCOLO: WUGH!
FREEZA: Oh, go ahead. Pool's open; water's fine.
Hm? No? Just going to stand there like a bunch of pissants?
Thought so.
Now, where were we? Oh right, I believe it waaaaas...
Now, where were we? Oh right, I believe it waaaaas... kidney punch!
{THUMP} VEGETA: AAAAGH!
{THUMP THUMP THUMP} VEGETA: AAGH! URGH! UUGH! FREEZA: Kidney punch! Kidney punch! Kidney punch!
FREEZA: And pause...
{THUMP} VEGETA: AAAAUGH! FREEZA: And pause... kidney punch!
GOKU [t]: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪
GOKU [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪
GOKU [t]: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪
GOKU [t]: ♪ Life is but a dream ♪
GOKU [t]: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪
KING KAI [t]: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪
KING KAI [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪
KING KAI [t]: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Life is but a dream ♪
KING KAI [t]: ♪ Life is but a dream ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪
KING KAI [t]: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪
TENSHINHAN: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ KING KAI [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪
TENSHINHAN: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ KING KAI [t]: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Life is but a dream ♪
TENSHINHAN: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪ KING KAI [t]: ♪ Life is but a dream ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪
TENSHINHAN: ♪ Life is but a dream ♪ KING KAI [t]: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪
TENSHINHAN: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ KING KAI [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪
YAMCHA: (Inhale) TENSHINHAN: ♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪ KING KAI [t]: ♪ Gently down the stream ♪ GOKU [t]: ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪
{BEEP} [yeah fuck Yamcha]
GOKU: 'Pod's done!' {BEEP} [yeah fuck Yamcha]
{SLAM} VEGETA: UGH!
UGH-uhh!
FREEZA: It seems our game is over, Vegeta.
Now that we're done here, it's time to send you crying home to mommy.
VEGETA: My mother's dead...
FREEZA: I know. [Badass.]
HYEEEEEEEAAAH!
PICCOLO: Urgh! KRILLIN: Aah! GOHAN: Uhh!
[Musical swell (heroic music)]
FREEZA: ...Who--
GOKU: Hey guys, how's it going? [To Piccolo] Piccolo? When did you come back?
PICCOLO: Uh... Dragon Balls.
GOKU: Oh, neat! [To Krillin] Hey, Krillin! That armor looks funny on ya!
GOHAN: Hey, Dad!
GOKU: Hey. [father of the year everyone]
So are you that Freezer guy?
Freezer Guy ...I am *Lord* Freeza, yes.
GOKU: Awesome! I'mma deck you in the schnoz!
{THUD} VEGETA: Owww...
FREEZA [surprised]: I'm sorry, that's a new one, er... who, are you, exactly? [Does that count as a Heroic Speech though?]
GOKU: I'm Goku!
I'm insane... [true that]
GOKU: I'm Goku! I'm insane... from Earth! [and that]
FREEZA: ... [Contemplating if what he said is correct.]
VEGETA [weakly]: He means Saiyan...
FREEZA: Uh, between you and the Namekian, I think I've lost my touch at genocide!
GOKU: What's wrong, Vegeta? Did Freezer do this to you?
Freezer: Oh look, he's all concerned. I'm impressed, Vegeta; you managed to make a friend. [As of this Saga, 'Friend' Is kind of an overstatement. 'Begrudged allies' is more like it.]
VEGETA [weakly]: Hate you... hate you both... [Told you so.]
FREEZA: Unfortunately, Vegeta and I were having a disagreement.
He wanted himself to live, and well...
I didn't.
GOKU: Why do you wanna die?
FREEZA: Wha--... no, I, I-I mea--I meant I want *him* to die--
GOKU: Is it 'cause you look weird?
[He *does* look pretty weird...]
FREEZA: ...WHAT?!
GOKU: Well, you know you got that big head, those weird lips and that tail...
FREEZA: Eeeegh! GOKU: Well, you know you got that big head, those weird lips and that tail...
GOKU: ...and you don't have ears... [He technically does]
FREEZA: Okay, *NO*!
GOKU: ...and to top it all off, you're really kind of a jerk. [He's not a jerk, he's just evil.]
FREEZA: And apparently, this is now happening.
Vegeta! Explain!
VEGETA [weakly]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
FREEZA: [To Goku] What are you...? VEGETA [weakly]: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
you see, Freeza... you aren't dealing with the average Saiyan warrior anymore...
FREEZA: Oh~
FREEZA: Oh~ my~
FREEZA: Oh~ my~ *God*~!!
VEGETA [weakly]: He has risen above, and become a legend... the legend that you fear...
He has become... A SUPER SAI--
He has become... A SUPER SAI--YAN!!
GOKU: (Gasp) VEGETA!!
{HISS} GOKU: (Gasp) VEGETA!!
FREEZA: No, seriously, you have no idea how old that got. [I agree with Freeza on that.]
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
VEGETA: Laugh while you can, Freeza!
Because I'm about to rock you...
like a hurricane.
[♫ "Rock You Like A Hurricane" ♫]
[Cut-off]
Huh...
I should've known that was only a one hit wonder. [but Scorpions has tones of hits+you just throw a small rock at him, its not gonna do much]