[Disclaimer read by a dying Vegeta]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
VEGETA: Wugh-huhg, oh God...
GOKU: Vegeta, no!
GOHAN: Vegeta, no!
KRILLIN: Don't worry, Little Green'll--
Oh...
Vegeta, no!
Doesn't give a damn:
Doesn't give a damn:: ...Meh...
GOKU: Are you alright?!
VEGETA: I have a fff*cking hole in my chest...
Why didn't you block that one?!
GOKU: I thought you had it!
VEGETA: NAWWWO!
FREEZA: It's funny how he's still talking; I could have sworn I hit a lung--
VEGETA: Ruar-harhg!
FREEZA [off-screen]: Oh, there it is.
VEGETA: Kakarot, if you're ever going to listen to anything I have to say...
Do it now.
GOKU: What is it, Vegeta?
VEGETA: I've lived my entire life under Freeza's rule.
My entire kingdom...
my race...
was enslaved to do his bidding.
FREEZA: >:)
GOKU: I understand now.
If it weren't for Freezer, you wouldn't be--
VEGETA: Dying? No.
GOKU: I was gonna say evil...
VEGETA: Oh, no. I'd definitely still be evil.
If this situation were reversed, this conversation would never have happened.
You'd be dead, and I'd be laughing.
Hehehe, oh ho, it hurts to laugh.
GOKU: Sooo, why are you telling me this?
VEGETA: Because, Kakarot...
you are our race's last hope.
You... are the last, remaining Saiyan...
Oh God, you're the last remaining Saiyan (!) [and then the realization as dropped]
Ehh...
GOKU: Vegeta...
you...
Hrr!
Come on... you deserve a proper burial.
FREEZA: Oh yes, a proper burial:
An unmarked grave on an empty planet in the middle of nowhere space.
Honestly, I'd say it's too good for him. [it is]
GOKU: I'll make sure to give Freezer one for you, best buddy.
Goodbye.
FREEZA: Come now, I'm sure he's in a better place.
Oh, who am I kidding? He's probably in Hell.
GOKU: I don't know; I *went* to Hell once.
The only real bad parts were these two oiled-up German guys trying to wrestle me.
FREEZA: ...Are you real?
GOKU: But now, I know what I have to do.
I have to stop you!
You're a heartless monster who kills everyone in his way.
*Even children*.
FREEZA: Oh please, everyone's always on about the children.
I already tried leaving *them* alive, but all they do is grow up under my rule, or dedicate their pathetic lives to revenge.
Usually both.
Really, killing them is a kindness.
I can retract that kindness if you wish,
but then, who's the villain...?
GOKU: Y--...you.
FREEZA: N-no; that was a rhetorical question.
GOKU: And I gave you a rhetorical answer.
FREEZA: Good Lord, I traded Vegeta for this...
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
GOKU: Gohan, Krillin, Piccolo! Get on out of here.
I"ll take Freezer myself.
GOHAN: But, Dad--!
GOKU: No "buts"!
Piccolo, you take care of Gohan.
PICCOLO: So, keep doing what I've been doing, then? [be his Dady, yes]
GOKU: Yuh-huh.
PICCOLO: Yeah, I figured; let's go!
KRILLIN: Oh, thank God!
GOHAN: Dad...
Beat him within an inch of his life,
AND HANG HIM UP BY HIS ENTRAILS!
GOKU: 'Wow... he sounds like he's had a hard time.'
'Piccolo should *really* have a talk with him.'
FREEZA: I see... sending your friends off to fight me all on your own.
How gutless...
GOKU: What?
How is that gutless?
FREEZA: Because...
suicide is the coward's way out.
GOKU: Can we fight now?
FREEZA: Son of a--
Yes!
Heh!
GOKU: Whoa whoa whoa whoa WHOA WHOA!
FREEZA: (Grunting in frustration)
GOKU: Hey, wait a minute...
They're all missing! He can't sense my energy!
[shouting] Ha ha! You can't sense my energy!
FREEZA: No, but I can HEAR you, moron!
GOKU: (Gasp) 'He has Bat-Vision!'
Ha! You missed!
FREEZA: Or did I?
GOKU: Yeah! You did!
FREEZA: Well, no, I really d--
GOKU: You see? Not a hole on me!
FREEZA: I wasn't *trying* t--
GOKU: You should really work on your aim.
FREEZA: You know what? I'm not going to say anything.
I'm just going to let this next part be a surprise.
GOKU: What part--?
Whoahotlava!
FREEZA: Ha! Now what do you have to say?
GOKU: MY BUTT IS FLAMING!
FREEZA: ...I miss Zarbon...
GOKU. Wow, that was close...
I was almost out of the frying pan, and into the...
lava...
FREEZA: How do you *function*?
GOKU: Hey, I'm just like any other guy.
I pay my taxes, one leg at a time.
FREEZA: ...I'm going to drown you.
I'm going to drown you like a sack of dumb puppies.
GOKU: What?
Why would you drown puppies?!
FREEZA: Because they're cute and cuddly! [and they bark all the time]
GOKU: Are... you coming on to me?
FREEZA: Grr!
[Muffled struggling]
GOKU: 'Aw, man! This guy's strong!'
'I've gotta catch him by surprise.'
'Wait... he can't sense my energy.'
'I know!' [did goku just had a thought?]
'Ka'
'Ka Me'
'Ka Me Ha'
'Ka Me Ha Me'
'Ka Me Ha Me Haaaaa!'
'This is the best idea I've ever had.' [yeah, he did, and rather good one]
'Second only to the double-baconwich: [that sound delicious[
'A sandwich with *bacon* instead of bread.' [that sound delicious] [and an awesome idea]
FREEZA: Come now, I've waited long enough.
I know it's something new to you, monkey, but it's called a "bath".
GOKU: 'Go, my children!'
FREEZA: What?!
That's just distracting!
GAH!
And that's just annoyingly distracting!
GOKU [decreasingly distant]: Gerominooooooooo!
FREEZA: Huh? GOKU [decreasingly distant]: Gerominooooooooo!
{POW!!} FREEZA: HIIIHG--!!
{BOOM}
GOKU: 'Bout time someone kicked you to the curb!
Nice work, brain. [good to know you have one]
GOKU'S BRAIN: 'You're welcome.' [Holy crap - he has one]
ORPHEUS: Hey, man!
[Wasn't he *eaten* last episode...??]
FREEZA: You're a cheeky little monkey, what with your silly martial arts.
But do you know what the difference between you and I is?
You can punch a board and it will break in half.
I can punch a board and wipe out its entire race.
GOKU: But can you block?
FREEZA: I'd like you to meet my friend.
GOKU: A friend? Is he nice?
FREEZA: Rock solid.
Filthy monkey, meet General Mountain! [Actually, that looks more like Colnel Plateau]
GOKU: Hi, General Mountain! My name's Go--
[muffled] I'm sorry, Mr. Mountain!
(Sigh)
Wuh!
FREEZA: ...Want to play a game?
GOKU: Yes...
[Pinball sound effects]
{KABOOM}
[Arcade high score fanfare]
[Official power levels 🡹]
[BTW, Raditz is only worth 2 games.]
FREEZA: Ha!
[Indeed. ;)]
So, how did you like that game, monkey?
GOKU: Eh, it was okay.
FREEZA: Wha...? You...?
GOKU: It's not Donkey Kong though. That has a pie level!
[Creaking]
[Bulma is gulping water like there's no tomorrow]
BULMA: Oh, God, that was so refreshing.
Too bad it was all saltwater, though... [you spoused to be the smart one]
[Yes, saltwater makes you *thirstier*]
FREEZA: Alright, then - how about this for another game?
I'll fight without using either of my hands.
GOKU: Okay. Then I'll fight without using my shirt!
FREEZA: I think you're missing the poi--
GOKU: Fight time now!
♪ Ha, ha, got your tail! ♪
FREEZA: What are you...?
Do you think this is a game?
GOKU: Well, you... you said it was a game.
FREEZA: I was being *coy*, you imbecile!
I'm trying to kill--
aahhahahh! GOKU: Aaah...
GOKU: Aaaah...
FREEZA: What are you doing? GOKU: Aaaaaah...
GOKU: Aaaaaaah...
FREEZA: Stop it! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaah...
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... To...! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... To...! Gyuh...! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA: Stop it now, or I'm going to... To...! Gyuh...! Ghm...! GOKU: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
FREEZA [distant]: BEURHG!!
KRILLIN: Huh - what's that?
Nooooooooooooooooooooo...! [A.K.A. Aquaman post-whale massacre]
{DING}
GOKU: HIIYAH!
'Ah...! He's gone...! I'll have to keep on guard.'
'All my vital areas.'
'Oh no! My mouth! My most vital area!'
FREEZA: Oh, what's wrong? Don't have anything cute to say this time?
GOKU: (Choking)
FREEZA: Adorable!
GOKU: 'He's gonna choke me to death!'
'Quick, Goku, use your instincts!'
{CHOMP}
FREEZA: ⨂_⨂
GAAAHH!
Son of a--!
Mother--!
{POW} Pagh!
GOKU: Agh!
You punched me in the *face*!
FREEZA: You bit my tail!
GOKU: YOU PUNCHED ME
GOKU: YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE *FACE*!
FREEZA: YOU BIT MY F**KING *TAIL*!!
GOKU: Yeah, well, I still haven't used my shirt!
Does that mean I win? [yes]
FREEZA: ...Yes.
FREEZA: ...Yes. Yes!
FREEZA: ...Yes. Yes! You win!
GOKU: (Gasp) What do I win?!
FREEZA: *Another bath*!
GOKU: But I'm not dir--
FREEZA: Just tell me when you need to come up for air!
GOKU: 'Crap!'
'Lungs... filling with water...'
'Muscles... burning...'
'Brain... status report!'
GOKU'S BRAIN: (Incoherent bumbling)
'Frozen peas...'
GOKU: 'Well, that's not good...!'
'That's not... good...'
'at all...'
[Goku's vision] GHOST VEGETA [o-s]: Kaaaakaroooot...
Kaaaakaroooot...
Kaaaakar--
ugh, you know what? Screw this.
Wake up, dumbass!
GOKU: Uhh!
V-...Vegeta?
GHOST VEGETA: You're failing your race, Kakarot.
Freeza's unlike any opponent you've ever faced.
You need to embrace your heritage.
Become the Saiyan that you were meant to b--
GOKU: Why are you naked?
GHOST VEGETA: What?
GOKU: You're naked.
Why?
GHOST VEGETA: Idiot, you don't take your clothes with you when you die.
GOKU: Well, I did.
GHOST VEGETA: What?
GOKU: Yeah!
Even had my weighted clothes on, too!
And I didn't even die in those.
Huh...
GHOST VEGETA: That lying red motherf*cker!
Anyway, listen, Kakarot.
Inside you is the primal, burning fury of the Saiyan race!
Like a wild, raging Oozaru, you must unleash it, Kakarot!
GOKU: So, do I gotta throw my poo at him...?
GHOST VEGETA: Oh, for God-- tch. *Just use your stupid Kaio-whatever*!
GOKU: Oh, okay! Thanks, Vegeta!
GHOST VEGETA: F*ck off.
I'm gonna go get my clothes back...
[Vision ends]
FREEZA: So, any last words, monkey? You know, besides, "gurgle gurgle"?
GOKU: Yeah!
KAIO-KEN!
FREEZA: Kaio-what--?
GAH!
GOKU: KA
GOKU: KA-ME
GOKU: KA-ME-*HA*
GOKU: KA-ME-*HA-ME*
GOKU: KA-ME-*HA-ME-HAAAAAA*...!!
FREEZA: HrrrrrAAAAGGHH!
{BOOOOM}
No, seriously. Kaio-*what*?
GOKU: Kaio-crap! ⊙▂⊙
FREEZA: I thought so.
GOKU: WAAH-AAH-AAH-AAH!
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
BLUE OGRE: Attention! Any sin you commit before being judged will be used against you.
KING YEMMA: Next! Strip...
Next! Strip...
Nice!
RECOOME [o-s]: Recoome thanks you.