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[Disclaimer read by SpaceNapoleHitler]

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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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NARRATOR: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged...

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KRILLIN: WAH! WAH! WA--!
~~he's losing his shit~~

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(ded)

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FREEZA: Oh, out of *all* the people I've blown to bits,
that one will hold a special place in my heart. (I just realized if he didn't kill krillin, goku would've have turned super saiyan and they would be all dead)

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GOKU: (Shakes/grunts in anger)
 {he is mad}

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FREEZA: Oh, what's wrong, monkey? {racist >:o}
Come on now, give me something funny.

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GOKU: You... killed my best friend...! [Nice joke]

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FREEZA: Ha! That is pretty funny.
Hilarious, actually. [Not for long.] {indeed}

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GOKU: RRAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH!! {it was at this moment frieza didn't know... he f*cked up}

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FREEZA: What?! {your death}

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GOHAN: Dad?

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GOKU: HM!

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FREEZA: That's..

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FREEZA: That's... that's not funny.

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[High pitch signal]

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KING KAI: I don't believe it! Goku has truly done it.
He has become...

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the one and only Super Saiyan™! {OmG, I miss those moments when the super saiyan form where achieved by hardwordk and suffering through training

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...Right?

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NARRATOR: Y...yeah... [If only he knew.]

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KING KAI: You hesitated there for a second.

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...What?

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
{EPIC @$$ INTRO}

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
{EPIC @$$ INTRO}

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
{EPIC @$$ INTRO}

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
{EPIC @$$ INTRO}

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FREEZA: What the hell is all this about?

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What's up with your hair?
What's up with your eyes? ( Oh, I like that golden color; I may use it one day...) {it's the sign of your death frieza}

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Answer me! {n0}

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GOKU: Gohan...

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Take Piccolo, find Bulma, get back to the ship. {the smarted word he said through all this series}

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GOHAN: But what about you?

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GOKU: If Piccolo dies, then all this was pointless!
Take him, get to the ship, and get out of here!
[this is surprisingly well-thought-out for him]

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GOHAN: This is surprisingly well-thought-out for you. {agreed xd}
[[yeah i just said that]

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GOKU: Gohan, where should you be right now?

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GOHAN: The ship?

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GOKU: *The SHIP*!

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GOHAN: OK!

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FREEZA: Oh-ho, real cute.
But at the very least, I do love a moving target. {bet you also like a broken hand}

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GOKU: Hurrh!

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FREEZA: Gah!
What are you--... let go of me! {did you try to say "please"?

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GOKU: I'm going to *break* you...

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FREEZA: What?
[he going to *break* you...]

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{CRUNCH}
AAH!

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GOKU: ...like a Kit-Kat™ bar. [Tasty]

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FREEZA: ...*What*?
[: ...like a Kit-Kat™ bar.]

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D'AAAGH! {his neck though}

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'*What*?!
[he going to *break* you...like a Kit-Kat™ bar.

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{CRUNCH}
GAAAAAH!

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[Next Generation Dodging]

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You... you're different!

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What happened? What the hell are *you*? {g0d}

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GOKU: Can't you tell, Freezer?
It's just like Vegeta said. {the most popular quote ever in this series}

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FREEZA: No, you f***ing *don't*...!
{you see, frieza, you arn't dealing with an average saiyan anymore...}

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GOKU: I am the hope of the Omniverse! [How does Goku Know about the omniverse?] {this is the TFS version, expect anything}

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I am the lightbulb in the darkness!

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I am the bacon in the fridge for all
living things that cry out in hunger! {that means you will get eaten? oh no it sounded a little bit sexual there}

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I am the Alpha and the Amiga! {and the omega? eh.}

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I am the terror that quacks in the night!
[so is not the average space duck any more?]

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I... AM SON GOKU! [SPACE DUCK!]

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AND I AM A SUPER--!

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{BING}

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FREEZA: Hurrrurrrgh...!

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GOKU: ...sandwich [space duck]

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FREEZA: HurrriURRRRGH! {he is angery}

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KING KAI: (Gasping in disbelief)

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YAMCHA: King Kai! What's going on on Namek right now?

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KING KAI: You know you could always just grab my shoulder and watch.

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YAMCHA: Yeah, but, you kinda... smell...

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KING KAI: That's just my natural musk.

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Mmmmusk...

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Mmmmmmmusk...

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TIEN: Stop saying "musk".

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KING KAI: Stop eating my food!

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KAMI [telepathically]: King Kai, do you hear me?

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KING KAI [t]: Oh, hey Kami.
How's everything coming along?

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KAMI [t]: Well, I've sent off Mr. Popo to
collect the Dragon Balls like you asked.

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KING KAI [t]: Good. The whole plan is coming together.

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YAMCHA: Hey, I don't think you ever told us your plan.

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KING KAI: I don't have to tell you everything!
I don't have to tell you anything!

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TIEN: And that just about sums up our time spent here. [Called out]

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KING KAI [sarcastic]: Ha ha...

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GOHAN: Huh?
It's the ship!

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See, Mr. Piccolo - we're halfway home!

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I mean, not literally, but... just don't bleed out, okay? 
piccolo: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTROL IT!

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'God, so many buttons...!' [The Muffin Button is all that matters though.]

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'I forgot, I don't know how to fly the ship! {THEN HOW THE HELL DID GOKU FLY IT, HUH?}
I could have sworn somebody did that for--'

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Oh my God, Bulma!

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BULMA: Help? {rip}

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...Somebody?

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FREEZA: I have to admit, this is new, monkey! {call him monkey again and your name will be "racist frieza", promise ;)}
This is definitely new!

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But a monkey is still a monkey, and I've killed plenty in my day. {SERIOUSLY?}

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*Millions*. Literally, *millions*.

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What's the matter, run out of quips?
Cat got your tongue?! No more words to fail?!

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You think now that you're this, so-called "Super Saiyan",
that you're *better* than me, *Lord Freeza*?! {dude, you needed to transform three times to be able to defeat piccolo, and he can beat hi easily}

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Well, you're NOT! {pr0v3 1t}

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I own you!!!1

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I own ur planet!!!1

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I own dis planet!!!1

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INFACT..

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F*** THIS PLANET!!!

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GOKU: Wait, I zoned out there for a second. Wha--? {wait I messed up the subtitles there for a second wha--?}

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Rest in peace *this planet*

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KING KAI: No... *no*, *no*, son of a bitch! Daaarrgghh...!

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YAMCHA: What's wrong, King Kai?

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KING KAI: You dumb assholes are gonna be here forever! (w0t?)(Erm, Super Dragon Balls)

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TIEN: Tch, yeah, real funny, King Kai.

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Oh You, you're serious.

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KING KAI: I had this whole plan ready to go,
but, as it turns out, Freeza's a sore loser, and just--

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CHIAOTZU: Blew himself up along with his opponent? [If he can use explosion, does that make Chiaotzu a pokemon?]

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What? It's what I do. {So pokemon?}

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KING KAI: Yeah, only this time, it *worked*. {OH MY GOD EVEN MORE SHOTS FIRED}

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And now Goku, Gohan, Piccolo... everyone's dead! {you trippin' there m8}

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And I'm stuck with you idiots for the rest of my lyf!

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KAMI [t]: Should I call you back when you're done screaming?
Or is that just not happening?

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KING KAI [t]: And then there's *this* c--... {c*nt? WATCH OUT FOR YOUR LANGUAGE, THERE'S KIDS WATCHING!}

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Kami?

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C*--? KAMI [t]: Yes, I wanted to inform you that Mr. Popo
has acquired the sixth Dragon Ball an--

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KING KAI [t]: You're alive?!

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KAMI [t]: So this is what counts for omnipotence these days, hmm? [I do hope you realize he isn't actually a god.]

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KING KAI [t]: But if you're not dead,
then that means Piccolo's not dead,

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and Namek is still there!

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GOKU: D...didya miss? {even if he missed, it would've done not crap to you m8 xd}

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FREEZA: How could I miss?

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GOKU: I dunno, how didya?

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FREEZA: I know I hit the core. God, this always
happens when I try and perform under stress. {yeah you look stressed... look at dat boi}

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GOKU: Seems to me like you just couldn't
go through with blowing us *both* up.

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FREEZA: That's not the problem, you idiot.
I can breathe in space. {aha sure, HOW THE F****?}

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GOKU: (Gasp)... But space is a vac-uum! {HE ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING SMART AGAIN}

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FREEZA: Honestly, I'd say you only have...

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I don't know... five min--... is it five? {not, it's 19 episodes!}

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Y-yes, five! {baka}

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[5:00 to Zero Time] {didn't I just say it's 19 episodes?}
Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.

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[4:59 to Zero Time]{didn't I just say it's 19 episodes?}
Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.

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[4:58 to Zero Time]{didn't I just say it's 19 episodes?}
Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.

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[4:57 to Zero Time] {eh..}
Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.

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[4:56 to Zero Time] {just gonna watch ya count...}
Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.

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{4:56 to Zero Time}
GOKU: Oh...

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Well then, I'll just have to kill you in four! {you can kill him in 5 seconds you realize?}

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FREEZA: Wait, hold on!
I-I'm only at half my full power.

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GOKU: I don't see how that's my problem... {oh my god that makes sense}

143
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FREEZA: No, listen!
If you let me power up...

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I'll give you a pizza!

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GOKU: You killed my best friend, Freezer.
That's not gonna work anymore! {OH THANK GOD HE'S NOT A BAKA}

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FREEZA: Two pizzas!

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GOKU: I SAID I'M *DONE*! HAAAAA...!

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FREEZA: ...With stuffed crust.

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{No.... why did you stop? WHY DID YOU STOP?}

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KING KAI [t] and the Canadian translator: *Gokuuuu...!*

151
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GOKU [t]: Now, hear me out, King Kai.

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If I let him power up to 100%, and beat him *then*... it'll demoramalize him!
And he'll never threaten anyone again!

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KING KAI [t] and the Canadian translator: Goku, that is retarded!

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GOKU [t]: *Stuffed crust*, King Kai!
You can eat it in *reverse*! [I'd trade that for Krillin.]

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KING KAI [t]: I-I can't even believe we're having this conversation... {I can't believe HE DIDN'T KILL HIM YET}

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GOKU [t]: Me either...

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FREEZA: Thanks for waiting, by the way.

158
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GOKU [t]: Hold on one second, King Kai. 
[To Freeza] What was tha--?
{OH COME ON!}

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Huhh!

160
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Racist FREEZA: Smash monkey! [What does that even mean?]

161
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SMASH MONKEY! [Super Smash Monkey Bros. Melee]

162
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[4 minutes to Zero Time] {yeeh}

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GOHAN: Bulmaaa... where are you?

164
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165
BULMA in her 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,600
Oh, well how nice of you to finally come and get me...

166
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only you left me stranded all on my own to fend for myself!

167
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Planet's going to hell, I almost die,

168
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and I'M FREAKING THE F*** OUT!

169
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GOHAN: Bulma, how high would you
have to fall from to hit terminal velocity? {195 km/h}

170
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*the sound of the shots that have been fired}

171
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...I thought so.

172
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GOKU: Huaagh!

173
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FREEZA: I just love how easy it is to
get away with this s*** with you people!

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I want to transform, you just sit there and let me.

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I want to transform, you just sit there and let me.
I want to blow the planet up, you just sit there and let me!

176
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I want to transform, you just sit there and let me.
I want to blow the planet up, you just sit there and let me!
I want to reach 100% power...

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*and you just sit right there and let me*!

178
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GOKU: Sooo, can I get a Meat Lover's®? {oh my~, I love those too}

179
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OW! {that must've hurt :/}

180
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KING KAI: And that is my star pupil. [I mean it is Goku...]

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I don't even know why I bother. [Exactly]

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KAMI [t]: King Kai, are you there?

183
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KING KAI [t]: Oh Kami, d'you have an update for me?

184
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KAMI [t]: Apparently it's all I'm good for anymore... {roasted himself}

185
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I wanted to tell you that Mr. Popo has acquired the
final Dragon Ball and is ready to summon the Dragon.

186
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[3 minutes to Zero Time]
KING KAI [t]: Awesome, now let me talk to him.

187
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KAMI [t]: Heh, if you insist.

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KING KAI [t]: Alright, now Mr. Pop--

189
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oaarrggh!
[PACKING ORDER]

190
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How the hell do you work with this guy?? ( He doesn't; Kami works for him! )

191
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KAMI [t]: It's easier than you think...

192
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MR. POPO: I'm so f***ing high right now! {nice}
[what else is new?]

193
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(PHEWWWWWWWWWWWW)

194
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SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon.
Speak your wish and I sha--

195
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:23,140
...oh. It is you, my Master.
Is it time to lay waste to this world? {yes please}

196
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LORD POPO: Eh, not yet. Give 'em a couple hundred years.
See if they can clean this up.

197
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SHENRON: Then how might I be of service, Lord Popo?

198
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LORD POPO [t]: Good question.
Kami, the f*** am I doing? {forgot he didn't tell them}

199
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KAMI [t]: Good question.
King Kai, the f*** is he doing?

200
00:09:36,380 --> 00:09:37,840
KING KAI [t]: Ow, my head...

201
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:42,660
OK, listen. I want you to bring back
everyone Freeza and his men have killed. [Wait... Nappa?]

202
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:43,700
KAMI [t]: Why? {MAYBE BECAUSE ALL OF THEM WAS INNOCENT PEOPLE, wait no never mind he killed vegeta}

203
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,000
KING KAI [t]: Are you questioning God?

204
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:45,800
KAMI [t]: Are *you*? {he's actually the god of creation}

205
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,080
KING KAI [t]: Not in the mood, Kami!

206
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,520
KAMI [t]: Fine, not my problem anyway.
Mr. Popo--

207
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:50,420
MR. POPO [t]: I heard.

208
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:52,400
Dragon, bring back all the worthless maggots that were
killed by Freeza and his men, or whatever...

209
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,140
[2 minutes to Zero Time]
Dragon, bring back all the worthless maggots that were
killed by Freeza and his men, or whatever...

210
00:09:55,140 --> 00:09:59,380
SHENRON: As you command, so it shall be. [When your shows are three part.]