[Disclaimer read by SpaceNapoleHitler]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
NARRATOR: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged...
KRILLIN: WAH! WAH! WA--! ~~he's losing his shit~~
(ded)
FREEZA: Oh, out of *all* the people I've blown to bits, that one will hold a special place in my heart. (I just realized if he didn't kill krillin, goku would've have turned super saiyan and they would be all dead)
GOKU: (Shakes/grunts in anger) {he is mad}
FREEZA: Oh, what's wrong, monkey? {racist >:o} Come on now, give me something funny.
GOKU: You... killed my best friend...! [Nice joke]
FREEZA: Ha! That is pretty funny. Hilarious, actually. [Not for long.] {indeed}
GOKU: RRAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH!! {it was at this moment frieza didn't know... he f*cked up}
FREEZA: What?! {your death}
GOHAN: Dad?
GOKU: HM!
FREEZA: That's..
FREEZA: That's... that's not funny.
[High pitch signal]
KING KAI: I don't believe it! Goku has truly done it. He has become...
the one and only Super Saiyan™! {OmG, I miss those moments when the super saiyan form where achieved by hardwordk and suffering through training
...Right?
NARRATOR: Y...yeah... [If only he knew.]
KING KAI: You hesitated there for a second.
...What?
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫ {EPIC @$$ INTRO}
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z) {EPIC @$$ INTRO}
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~) {EPIC @$$ INTRO}
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫ {EPIC @$$ INTRO}
FREEZA: What the hell is all this about?
What's up with your hair? What's up with your eyes? ( Oh, I like that golden color; I may use it one day...) {it's the sign of your death frieza}
Answer me! {n0}
GOKU: Gohan...
Take Piccolo, find Bulma, get back to the ship. {the smarted word he said through all this series}
GOHAN: But what about you?
GOKU: If Piccolo dies, then all this was pointless! Take him, get to the ship, and get out of here! [this is surprisingly well-thought-out for him]
GOHAN: This is surprisingly well-thought-out for you. {agreed xd} [[yeah i just said that]
GOKU: Gohan, where should you be right now?
GOHAN: The ship?
GOKU: *The SHIP*!
GOHAN: OK!
FREEZA: Oh-ho, real cute. But at the very least, I do love a moving target. {bet you also like a broken hand}
GOKU: Hurrh!
FREEZA: Gah! What are you--... let go of me! {did you try to say "please"?
GOKU: I'm going to *break* you...
FREEZA: What? [he going to *break* you...]
{CRUNCH} AAH!
GOKU: ...like a Kit-Kat™ bar. [Tasty]
FREEZA: ...*What*? [: ...like a Kit-Kat™ bar.]
D'AAAGH! {his neck though}
'*What*?! [he going to *break* you...like a Kit-Kat™ bar.
{CRUNCH} GAAAAAH!
[Next Generation Dodging]
You... you're different!
What happened? What the hell are *you*? {g0d}
GOKU: Can't you tell, Freezer? It's just like Vegeta said. {the most popular quote ever in this series}
FREEZA: No, you f***ing *don't*...! {you see, frieza, you arn't dealing with an average saiyan anymore...}
GOKU: I am the hope of the Omniverse! [How does Goku Know about the omniverse?] {this is the TFS version, expect anything}
I am the lightbulb in the darkness!
I am the bacon in the fridge for all living things that cry out in hunger! {that means you will get eaten? oh no it sounded a little bit sexual there}
I am the Alpha and the Amiga! {and the omega? eh.}
I am the terror that quacks in the night! [so is not the average space duck any more?]
I... AM SON GOKU! [SPACE DUCK!]
AND I AM A SUPER--!
{BING}
FREEZA: Hurrrurrrgh...!
GOKU: ...sandwich [space duck]
FREEZA: HurrriURRRRGH! {he is angery}
KING KAI: (Gasping in disbelief)
YAMCHA: King Kai! What's going on on Namek right now?
KING KAI: You know you could always just grab my shoulder and watch.
YAMCHA: Yeah, but, you kinda... smell...
KING KAI: That's just my natural musk.
Mmmmusk...
Mmmmmmmusk...
TIEN: Stop saying "musk".
KING KAI: Stop eating my food!
KAMI [telepathically]: King Kai, do you hear me?
KING KAI [t]: Oh, hey Kami. How's everything coming along?
KAMI [t]: Well, I've sent off Mr. Popo to collect the Dragon Balls like you asked.
KING KAI [t]: Good. The whole plan is coming together.
YAMCHA: Hey, I don't think you ever told us your plan.
KING KAI: I don't have to tell you everything! I don't have to tell you anything!
TIEN: And that just about sums up our time spent here. [Called out]
KING KAI [sarcastic]: Ha ha...
GOHAN: Huh? It's the ship!
See, Mr. Piccolo - we're halfway home!
I mean, not literally, but... just don't bleed out, okay? piccolo: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTROL IT!
'God, so many buttons...!' [The Muffin Button is all that matters though.]
'I forgot, I don't know how to fly the ship! {THEN HOW THE HELL DID GOKU FLY IT, HUH?} I could have sworn somebody did that for--'
Oh my God, Bulma!
BULMA: Help? {rip}
...Somebody?
FREEZA: I have to admit, this is new, monkey! {call him monkey again and your name will be "racist frieza", promise ;)} This is definitely new!
But a monkey is still a monkey, and I've killed plenty in my day. {SERIOUSLY?}
*Millions*. Literally, *millions*.
What's the matter, run out of quips? Cat got your tongue?! No more words to fail?!
You think now that you're this, so-called "Super Saiyan", that you're *better* than me, *Lord Freeza*?! {dude, you needed to transform three times to be able to defeat piccolo, and he can beat hi easily}
Well, you're NOT! {pr0v3 1t}
I own you!!!1
I own ur planet!!!1
I own dis planet!!!1
INFACT..
F*** THIS PLANET!!!
GOKU: Wait, I zoned out there for a second. Wha--? {wait I messed up the subtitles there for a second wha--?}
Rest in peace *this planet*
KING KAI: No... *no*, *no*, son of a bitch! Daaarrgghh...!
YAMCHA: What's wrong, King Kai?
KING KAI: You dumb assholes are gonna be here forever! (w0t?)(Erm, Super Dragon Balls)
TIEN: Tch, yeah, real funny, King Kai.
Oh You, you're serious.
KING KAI: I had this whole plan ready to go, but, as it turns out, Freeza's a sore loser, and just--
CHIAOTZU: Blew himself up along with his opponent? [If he can use explosion, does that make Chiaotzu a pokemon?]
What? It's what I do. {So pokemon?}
KING KAI: Yeah, only this time, it *worked*. {OH MY GOD EVEN MORE SHOTS FIRED}
And now Goku, Gohan, Piccolo... everyone's dead! {you trippin' there m8}
And I'm stuck with you idiots for the rest of my lyf!
KAMI [t]: Should I call you back when you're done screaming? Or is that just not happening?
KING KAI [t]: And then there's *this* c--... {c*nt? WATCH OUT FOR YOUR LANGUAGE, THERE'S KIDS WATCHING!}
Kami?
C*--? KAMI [t]: Yes, I wanted to inform you that Mr. Popo has acquired the sixth Dragon Ball an--
KING KAI [t]: You're alive?!
KAMI [t]: So this is what counts for omnipotence these days, hmm? [I do hope you realize he isn't actually a god.]
KING KAI [t]: But if you're not dead, then that means Piccolo's not dead,
and Namek is still there!
GOKU: D...didya miss? {even if he missed, it would've done not crap to you m8 xd}
FREEZA: How could I miss?
GOKU: I dunno, how didya?
FREEZA: I know I hit the core. God, this always happens when I try and perform under stress. {yeah you look stressed... look at dat boi}
GOKU: Seems to me like you just couldn't go through with blowing us *both* up.
FREEZA: That's not the problem, you idiot. I can breathe in space. {aha sure, HOW THE F****?}
GOKU: (Gasp)... But space is a vac-uum! {HE ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING SMART AGAIN}
FREEZA: Honestly, I'd say you only have...
I don't know... five min--... is it five? {not, it's 19 episodes!}
Y-yes, five! {baka}
[5:00 to Zero Time] {didn't I just say it's 19 episodes?} Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.
[4:59 to Zero Time]{didn't I just say it's 19 episodes?} Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.
[4:58 to Zero Time]{didn't I just say it's 19 episodes?} Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.
[4:57 to Zero Time] {eh..} Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.
[4:56 to Zero Time] {just gonna watch ya count...} Five minutes before this planet explodes, and you perish along with it.
{4:56 to Zero Time} GOKU: Oh...
Well then, I'll just have to kill you in four! {you can kill him in 5 seconds you realize?}
FREEZA: Wait, hold on! I-I'm only at half my full power.
GOKU: I don't see how that's my problem... {oh my god that makes sense}
FREEZA: No, listen! If you let me power up...
I'll give you a pizza!
GOKU: You killed my best friend, Freezer. That's not gonna work anymore! {OH THANK GOD HE'S NOT A BAKA}
FREEZA: Two pizzas!
GOKU: I SAID I'M *DONE*! HAAAAA...!
FREEZA: ...With stuffed crust.
{No.... why did you stop? WHY DID YOU STOP?}
KING KAI [t] and the Canadian translator: *Gokuuuu...!*
GOKU [t]: Now, hear me out, King Kai.
If I let him power up to 100%, and beat him *then*... it'll demoramalize him! And he'll never threaten anyone again!
KING KAI [t] and the Canadian translator: Goku, that is retarded!
GOKU [t]: *Stuffed crust*, King Kai! You can eat it in *reverse*! [I'd trade that for Krillin.]
KING KAI [t]: I-I can't even believe we're having this conversation... {I can't believe HE DIDN'T KILL HIM YET}
GOKU [t]: Me either...
FREEZA: Thanks for waiting, by the way.
GOKU [t]: Hold on one second, King Kai. [To Freeza] What was tha--? {OH COME ON!}
Huhh!
Racist FREEZA: Smash monkey! [What does that even mean?]
SMASH MONKEY! [Super Smash Monkey Bros. Melee]
[4 minutes to Zero Time] {yeeh}
GOHAN: Bulmaaa... where are you?
165 BULMA in her 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,600 Oh, well how nice of you to finally come and get me...
only you left me stranded all on my own to fend for myself!
Planet's going to hell, I almost die,
and I'M FREAKING THE F*** OUT!
GOHAN: Bulma, how high would you have to fall from to hit terminal velocity? {195 km/h}
*the sound of the shots that have been fired}
...I thought so.
GOKU: Huaagh!
FREEZA: I just love how easy it is to get away with this s*** with you people!
I want to transform, you just sit there and let me.
I want to blow the planet up, you just sit there and let me!
I want to reach 100% power...
*and you just sit right there and let me*!
GOKU: Sooo, can I get a Meat Lover's®? {oh my~, I love those too}
OW! {that must've hurt :/}
KING KAI: And that is my star pupil. [I mean it is Goku...]
I don't even know why I bother. [Exactly]
KAMI [t]: King Kai, are you there?
KING KAI [t]: Oh Kami, d'you have an update for me?
KAMI [t]: Apparently it's all I'm good for anymore... {roasted himself}
I wanted to tell you that Mr. Popo has acquired the final Dragon Ball and is ready to summon the Dragon.
[3 minutes to Zero Time] KING KAI [t]: Awesome, now let me talk to him.
KAMI [t]: Heh, if you insist.
KING KAI [t]: Alright, now Mr. Pop--
oaarrggh! [PACKING ORDER]
How the hell do you work with this guy?? ( He doesn't; Kami works for him! )
KAMI [t]: It's easier than you think...
MR. POPO: I'm so f***ing high right now! {nice} [what else is new?]
(PHEWWWWWWWWWWWW)
SHENRON: I am the Eternal Dragon. Speak your wish and I sha--
...oh. It is you, my Master. Is it time to lay waste to this world? {yes please}
LORD POPO: Eh, not yet. Give 'em a couple hundred years. See if they can clean this up.
SHENRON: Then how might I be of service, Lord Popo?
LORD POPO [t]: Good question. Kami, the f*** am I doing? {forgot he didn't tell them}
KAMI [t]: Good question. King Kai, the f*** is he doing?
KING KAI [t]: Ow, my head...
OK, listen. I want you to bring back everyone Freeza and his men have killed. [Wait... Nappa?]
KAMI [t]: Why? {MAYBE BECAUSE ALL OF THEM WAS INNOCENT PEOPLE, wait no never mind he killed vegeta}
KING KAI [t]: Are you questioning God?
KAMI [t]: Are *you*? {he's actually the god of creation}
KING KAI [t]: Not in the mood, Kami!
KAMI [t]: Fine, not my problem anyway. Mr. Popo--
MR. POPO [t]: I heard.
Dragon, bring back all the worthless maggots that were killed by Freeza and his men, or whatever...
[2 minutes to Zero Time] Dragon, bring back all the worthless maggots that were killed by Freeza and his men, or whatever...
SHENRON: As you command, so it shall be. [When your shows are three part.]