[Old Android Geezer reading the above]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
BABY TRUNKS: (Crying)
BULMA: Ugh... oh wow... pretty sure I was about to be a wish there.(The dragon won't be happy about 'dat)
OH GOD THE BABY!!
Uhh, there you are.
Aww, don't worry, Trunkie! It was just an explosion!
You'll get used to those. Those happen a lot around Mommy.
Can't Say: I could have sworn I saw somebody else in the car with you.
BULMA: Hmm?
YAJIROBE ("KORIN"): "Hey, Yajirobe!"
YAJIROBE: "What is it, Korin?"
'"KORIN": "Why don't you go help out the gang?"
YAJIROBE: "Oh sure, Korin. Why not? What's the worst that could happen?"
...I got a rock up my butt. [Ew]
♫
♫ Cha la! Head cha la! ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai! ♫
♫ Sparking! ♫
♫
VEGETA: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! He got away AGAIN!?
And not a nut, or bolt to be found!
NOT THAT YOU HAD ANY NUTS TO BEGIN WITH! [Actually, ep #36 says otherwise...]
NOT THAT YOU HAD ANY NUTS TO BEGIN WITH! TRUNKS: Hurrh!
Look. I don't mean to tell you how to be a father, but why didn't you try and save your wife and son?
VEGETA: My what and my son?
TRUNKS: Wait! You mean you two never got married?
VEGETA: What is that? Some kind of food? [I mean... Goku thought the same thing when he first met Chi Chi]
TRUNKS: No, just... listen. When two people love each other--
VEGETA: Oh wow, I'm just f***ing with you. My God. Who doesn't know what marriage is? [Kid Goku, who thought it was some kind of food.]
Also - love each other? Making a lot of assumptions here. [Oh-ho, he has no idea... ;)]
TRUNKS: Grrrh...!
BULMA: Soo... I thought you guys were fighting Androids.
Why was Dr. Gero here?
[Le gasp, suspenseful music!]
KRILLIN: ...Who dat?
BULMA: Scientist, worked for the Red Ribbon Army... adequate with robotics.
KRILLIN: Ohhhh!
Hey, Mr. Can't Say! You may want to hear this!
DADDY DEAREST: *You f***ing failure*!
FAILURE: Hold on a second! I--
VEGETA: You told us: Two Androids,
VEGETA: You told us: Two Androids, May 12th,
VEGETA: You told us: Two Androids, May 12th, 10:00 AM,
VEGETA: You told us: Two Androids, May 12th, 10:00 AM, South City!
TRUNKS: Well, nine miles off o--
VEGETA: And what happens?
We waste our time on the WRONG F***ING ANDROIDS!
TRUNKS: Look! I was... uh, how old is that baby?
SINGLE MOM: 'Bout ten months.
TRUNKS: Ten months old at the time!
VEGETA: How 'bout next time you come back to give someone a heads-up,
YOU GIVE 'EM A GODDAMN PHOTO!
TRUNKS: Just listen!
I think travelling back in time may have caused a butterfly effect. The Androids that kill you in the future could still appear!
VEGETA: I don't give a shit about butterflies!
With all this time we've wasted, *Dr. Gero*~ has probably made it back to his lab already!
And God only knows where that is.
God: I know where that is.
VEGETA: You do?
TRUNKS: You do!?
Why didn't you tell me!?
BULMA: Because this never came up before!
TRUNKS: No, I meant... in the future--
...nevermind. How do you know?
BULMA: All scientists know where other scientist's labs are!
Dr. Frappe, Dr. Wheelo...
TRUNKS: Who?
BULMA: Long story.
Last time I checked, Gero had a secret lab right outside North City.
VEGETA: Well, then it's time for Round goddamn Two!
TRUNKS: Wait!
You can't just take off on your own!
VEGETA: *Are you giving me orders*?
TRUNKS: No. I'm trying to help you!
VEGETA: Oh-ho-ho-ho, well, I'm sorry, but...
*I don't listen to bastards*. [Damn, that's cold.]
PICCOLO: Gohan...
GOHAN: Yeah?
PICCOLO: ...You're a good kid.
GOHAN: Oh! Thanks...? [Thanks, Dad.]
TRUNKS: No! We have to stop him!
DAD! Wait!
BULMA: Wait, "Dad"??
PICCOLO: Oh yeah, by the way, that kid's your son.
No harm telling you now; damage already done.
BULMA: Oh, wow! He grows up to be a cutie! And...
Oh my God, I solicited my son for sex... [Cue a dozen doujinshi on said "couple"...]
KRILLIN [off-screen]: Hu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! [I haven't actually checked, but y'know I'm right]
WHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha! [I haven't actually checked, but y'know I'm right]
WHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha-ha-ha! BULMA: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?
KRILLIN: Because it's hilarious!
PICCOLO: You *just* learned about it.
KRILLIN: And it, is hilarious!
PICCOLO: Anyway... Gohan, I think Bulma and the baby need to go home.
BULMA: We do?
PICCOLO: You do.
GOHAN: Well, it would be nice to check in on my Dad...
YAJIROBE: Actually, I kinda need a ride, too.
GOHAN: But, I--
BULMA: ACTUALLY, I'd like you to take me home first.
GOHAN: But, you--
PICCOLO: Stop worrying, Gohan. I'm sure Goku's fine.
[Holy shit - Goku *really* dislikes grape-flavored medicine...]
DR. GERO (ANDROID 20): 'Alright, made a miscalculation!'
'...A couple miscalculations.'
'Lost an Android, and a hand,'
'and I think my brain case is loose!'
'But, there's no way they can follow me, and none of them know where to find my lab--'
'huh?!'
'That's funny, they're all flying right toward my--'
(Says something about a back-door firewall breach.)
'No. There's no way they could have secured the location of my secret lab.'
'Unless they know a scientist. Like Wheelo, or Frappe. Or any of the Brief--'
*S💩H💩I💩T*!!
[Flashforward (alternate timeline)]
BULMA: Oh! Your... father, h-uh?
TRUNKS: Yeah! You never talk about Dad! What was he like?
BULMA: H-he was... a loner?
Had a lot of trouble making friends, very abrasive...
TRUNKS: Am I a lot like him?
BULMA: ...You have his gender. [Translation: ...No. Thank fuck.]
[Flashforward ends]
VEGETA: Y'know, if you really wanted to help out, you could stop following me around, and start searching these mountains.
TRUNKS: I'm trying to save your life! If you'd just stop and listen to me--
VEGETA: The hell do you care?
TRUNKS: Oh, come on! We both know I'm your son!
VEGETA: And are you as disappointed as I am?
[Ouch.] TRUNKS: Grrrh!
PICCOLO: Alright, we've got a lot of ground to cover.
KRILLIN: Please don't say what I think you're gonna say...
PICCOLO: We should probably--
KRILLIN: Here it comes...
PICCOLO: --stick together for safety.
KRILLIN: Oh! Thank our green God on the Lookout--!
TIEN: I dunno... probably cover more ground if we split up.
KRILLIN: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
PICCOLO: Nah, he's got a good point.
KRILLIN: Agh, green goddammit...
Why am I so scared anyway?
There's like a sextillion mountains around here.
Chances of me running into him are--
(Scream)
[CARNAGE!] [275 points]
[ATOMIC!] [807 points]
[SMOKIN' SICK STYLE!!!] [1896 points]
DR. NERO: Five hundred forty thousand to one! Lucky you!
Ta-ta~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
KRILLIN: (Squealing)
[Correction: 32 →] KRILLIN: (Squealing)
DR. GERO: 'Ahh, there's no place like home.'
'And the only person who even got close is currently incapacitat--'
KRILLIN: Hey, guys! I found Dr. Gero!
And his lab!
I found Dr. Gero's lab!!
DR. GERO: INCONCEIVABLE! How are you al--
KRILLIN: Senzu bean.
DR. GERO: ...I don't know what I was expecting.
Please - if you wouldn't mind waiting for a moment, uhh...
Tien...
I have something I'd like to show you!
KRILLIN: Okay!
(Blissful humming before realizing he dun goofed)
Ahh crap, it's the Androids.
DR. GERO: 'I literally can't believe that worked.'
'I also can't believe I may have to resort to Seventeen and Eighteen.'
'I should measure my choices. I can't be too careful with thi--'
KRILLIN [o-s]: Piccolo! Over here! I found Gero's lab!
PICCOLO [o-s]: Rrrragh!!
[Thud]
AAUGH, MY WRIST!!
DR. GERO: 'Caution to the wind, then!'
"ANDROID" 17 (robotic voice): Hello, Dr. Gero. How are you today?
DR. GERO: Well that's... new. I--
17 (natural voice): I'm just messin' with ya, man. What's up, doc?
DR. GERO: Oh, there it is...
Good morning, Android 17.
17: Man! According to my database, it's been a while since you last turned us off.
DR. GERO: You mean since you tried to destroy me.
17: Yeah, doc. And I'm real broken up about that.
It's just, every time you talked, all I heard was, "Kill me! Kill me! Kill me!"
Something with my auditory. Think it's gone now, though.
DR. GERO: Well, suppose you just needed to be turned off and on again.
17: Hmm. How 'bout that.
You gonna wake my sister up, too?
DR. GERO: Indeed. I require both of your assistance.
17: Wow. Must've gotten yourself in some shit~
TIEN [o-s]: Here. Let me get in on this.
[Thud]
AGH! Now *my* wrist!
(a few bars to the CYBERMAN theme)
"ANDROID" 18 (robotic voice): Hello, Dr. Gero. How are--
17: I already did it.
18 (natural voice): Ugh. You dick! We were supposed to do that together!
17: I know. But, I couldn't help myself.
18: Whatever. [To Dr. Gero] What do you want?
DR. GERO: Well, Son Goku's comrades are *currently knocking at our door*!!
[Thud]
PICCOLO [o-s]: AUGH, MY OTHER WRIST!
KRILLIN [o-s]: JESUS! Use your shoulder!
DR. GERO: After a bit of an... *incident* earlier today, I lost Android 19. And my ar--
18: Wait a sec... you built another Android?
17: Waitwaitwait... was it that *fat clown* thing? I thought that was a joke!
18: Well, clearly it was. It's dead.
DR. GERO: And so are we if you don't--
17: Whoa, slow down. Are YOU an Android?
Holy shit, you're an Android! How did you even DO that?
DR. GERO: I took my brain out and put it into this body.
18: ...How? [SCIENCE!]
DR. GERO: I-- ...huh.
How DID I do that? ("ANDROID"21 might've had a hand in that.)
TIEN: Agh! Now my shoulder! [Anime logic: These guys can destroy entire cities, yet they can't take care of a door...]
KRILLIN: I think it's made of some kind of metal! [Anime logic: These guys can destroy entire cities, yet they can't take care of a door...]
VEGETA [o-s]: So. We havin' a party?
PICCOLO: Must be. 'Cause you're late.
VEGETA: Only because of this brat's constant backchat!
TRUNKS: Because YOU flew 200 miles past North City!
VEGETA [o-s]: And I'm about to put my hand 200 miles upside your head!
TRUNKS [o-s]: That doesn't make any sense!!
18: Jesus, they're loud...
DR. GERO: Great. And now Vegeta's here!
Seventeen! Eighteen! You two are charged with eliminating them!
17: Y'know, I'll get right on that. But first, we gotta talk about these trust issues,
because I get this strange feeling that after we kill them, you're just gonna turn us off again.
And I don't even know how.
DR. GERO: Why... with this remote, of course!
17: Oh...! You mean *this* remote?
DR. GERO: Gha! But... y-you see, that's just the decoy remote! [Obvious bullshit is obvious]
I wouldn't show you the real thing, hah!
But, uh... I do need that remote back. It was my mother's. [OMG did his arm grow back!!!]
17: Oh, don't you worry. I'ma hold onto it *real* tight.
Whoops!
18 [o-s]: Did your hand just malfunction, bro?
17: Think it did, sis!
VEGETA: Enough of this. I'm sick of standing around!
TRUNKS: NO! We can't do this without Goku!
VEGETA: WHY? It's a goddamn door!
TRUNKS: That's not what I--
VEGETA: GAAARGH!
...Alright, so where are the "real" Androids?
TRUNKS: That's them...
DISAPPOINTED FATHER OF A BASTARD: Wow. You are just the Grand Central Station of disappointment, aren't you?
TRUNKS: How are these people friends with you!?
TIEN: Makin' a lot of assumptions right now.
18: Wow. You got a whole hot mess of these guys over here.
DR. GERO: And you NEED TO GET RID OF THEM!
18: I dunno, we might need some help.
Oh, what's this? Your "secret project"?
DR. GERO: No, he's in the base--
I mean, YES! Very secret! DON'T TOUCH!!
18: Wait a second... did you build a ginger Android?
Man. There's a soul-less machine joke there, but that's beneath me.
TRUNKS: Wait, what!?
VEGETA: So, I'm pretty sure that's *three* Androids you've missed? Do I hear four?
TRUNKS: 'No, no no no no!'
DR. GERO: Do not activate Android 16! He's not properly programmed!
17: Oh, and how many of us are?
"Howdy, folks, I'm Android 13! Look at ma trucker hat!"
DR. GERO: I was going through a phase!
18: Well, let's say we open him up and get to know our new friend.
DR. GERO: Don't you *dare*! I am your master! And you will do what I say!
17: I... I'm sorry. Could you repeat that? I think the ear thing's back.
DR. GERO: I said - I am your *master*! AND YOU WILL DO WHAT I--
(Choking / gurgling)
17: Sorry, doc.
DR. GERO: GURAAUGH...!
17: Just following orders.
KRILLIN: (Whimpering) SENILE OLD GEEZER: So...
...could one of you possibly spare one of those Senzu be--?
♫
GOHAN: Bulma? Are you sure it's safe to hold the baby like that while we're flying?
BULMA: Well, what do you expect me to do?
GOHAN: Give him to Yajirobe?
BULMA: I'm afraid he'll either drop him, or eat him out of spite.
YAJIROBE: I am pissed and hungry. She is right to fear me.