1 00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:03,000 [Disclaimer read by Oolong] 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:12,220 [WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~] 3 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,440 "ANDROID" 18: Seriously, can we speed this up? It's cold as tits up here. 4 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:29,140 "ANDROID" 17 [off-screen]: Y'know, maybe if you stopped whining and helped me look, we'd... oh, oh look, there's one. There's... 5 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:34,820 Actually, second thought, we don't *have* to steal the first one we see. 6 00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:37,680 18: Oh I'm sorry, I can't hear you over your welching. 7 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,200 17: Hukgh, whatever. 8 00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:44,260 CHUCK [o-s]: So Jones, uh, how's the wife and kids? 9 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:48,120 JONES: Still dead, Chuck. Been four months. 10 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:48,740 CHUCK: Oh... [Awkward...] 11 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,660 I am terrible at small talk. 12 00:00:51,660 --> 00:00:53,120 JONES: Yes. You are. 13 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:53,700 Uh? 14 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:56,760 17: Huh, "Lucky Foods". Kind of ironic. 15 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,940 JONES: Uh, young man? Need you to stay out of our van. 16 00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,840 17: Alright guys, we're taking the van. 17 00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,860 No buddy, we're gonna drive it. 18 00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:06,580 ANDROID 16: Oh... 19 00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:09,060 sorry. 20 00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:11,200 17: It's cool. Now you have a place to sit. 21 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,060 16: Affirmative. 22 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,380 Shotgun. 23 00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,620 17: Not quite what that means, but hey, keep trying, man. 24 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,840 Bitchin'. Next stop - Casa de Goku. 25 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:27,660 18: How 'bout no? New clothes first, Goku's "casa" second. 26 00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,880 17: T'heh. Women... Am I right, Sixteen? 27 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:33,420 16: Confirmed: She is female. [Blunt guy is blunt.] 28 00:01:33,580 --> 00:01:35,460 17 [o-s]: T'hah! She is. 29 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,860 [♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫] 30 00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:41,300 ♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫ 31 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:45,000 ♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z) 32 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,520 ♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~) 33 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:49,940 ♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫ 34 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:06,020 KRILLIN: Y'know, I should have brought this up earlier, but we should probably move Goku before the Androids get to his house. 35 00:02:06,020 --> 00:02:10,080 TRUNKS: It's been pretty non-stop here, so I'm a little out of the loop. What happened to Goku? 36 00:02:10,340 --> 00:02:13,860 KRILLIN: Oh, uh, he didn't take his medicine; grape-flavored. Go figure. 37 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:16,040 TRUNKS: Yeah... go figure... 38 00:02:16,340 --> 00:02:20,620 TENSHINHAN: Actually, I really need to go pick up Chiaotzu. Left him over at Kame House. 39 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:25,320 CHIAOTZU: So - how do you like my Chashu Ramen? 40 00:02:25,860 --> 00:02:26,480 {GULP} 41 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,820 OOLONG: Wow, that is frickin' tasty! What's in this? 42 00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:32,520 CHIAOTZU: Little bit of sake, soy-sauce, beansprouts, 43 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:36,240 poooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr [Fact: "Chashu" is Japanese braised pork XD] 44 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:36,740 k... [Fact: "Chashu" is Japanese braised pork XD] 45 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,880 SWINE CANNIBAL: I'm delicious...! 46 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,540 MASTER ROSHI: How old are you?! 47 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,020 TENSHINHAN: So, I'm going to go grab him before things get... *weird*. 48 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,160 KRILLIN: Later, Tien! 49 00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:50,020 I can never read that guy... 50 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,160 Wait, before we go in, uh, 51 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,160 TRUNKS: Uh, huh? KRILLIN: I wanted to ask: 52 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:03,040 You ever think that Android 18 is, uh, kind of... 53 00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:04,080 cute? 54 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,080 [The silence is real] 55 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:06,860 TRUNKS: ...No. 56 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,180 KRILLIN: Alright then - dibs; by the way, quick warning! 57 00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:13,300 Be super nice to Goku's wife, she can be a total-- 58 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:15,960 (Pained griping) CHI-CHI: Gohan! Oh... it's you. 59 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:16,920 CHI-CHI: Gohan! Oh... it's you. 60 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,020 KRILLIN: Yeah, fine, I pretty much asked for that one. 61 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:19,520 {DING} 62 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,420 YAMCHA: Huh? Hey, guys! How it is? 63 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:27,620 TRUNKS: Oh, uh, Yamcha, right? How's it ha-- I mean, how you doing? [Smooth.] 64 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,440 YAMCHA: Oh, you know... hanging in there. 65 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,200 TRUNKS: Ughhhhhhh... 66 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:34,400 YAMCHA: So, what happened? Did Vegeta clean up the Androids? 67 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,800 KRILLIN: Not quite... 68 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:36,920 * Turns out there were three more 69 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,100 * Turns out there were three more * Vegeta got his arms broken 70 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:38,820 * Turns out there were three more * Vegeta got his arms broken * They beat everyone up 71 00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:39,640 * Turns out there were three more * Vegeta got his arms broken * They beat everyone up * Piccolo flipped out 72 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,020 * Turns out there were three more * Vegeta got his arms broken * They beat everyone up * Piccolo flipped out * And *I* got kissed by the cute one. 73 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:43,960 YAMCHA: ...The clown? 74 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,500 [LOL] KRILLIN: No no no, there's a girl now. 75 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,380 YAMCHA: I don't believe you. 76 00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:49,720 TRUNKS: You know, we should probably continue this conversation after we've moved Goku. 77 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,360 YAMCHA: Move Goku? But he finally stopped screaming! 78 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,900 GOKU [o-s]: Gwaaaaaw... 79 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,760 YAMCHA: N'okay, well-well, he's petering out. 80 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,540 KRILLIN: We'll take him to Kame House! They'll never look for him there! [Or you could fly him up to the Lookout?] 81 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,520 YAMCHA: That is literally the second place they'll look. 82 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:06,040 KRILLIN: Look, we're short on time *and* options. And who knows what those dastardly Androids are doing? [GO TO THE LOOKOUT!] 83 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,720 18 [unimpressed]: Wow, you actually pulled over. 84 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,460 17 [having fun]: No no no, this is gonna be great, shut up. 85 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:18,900 TEX: You two! This vehicle has been reported as stolyn! You are under arrest! 86 00:04:18,900 --> 00:04:22,520 AVERY: Sir, I have checked the vehicle and I have identified another male. 87 00:04:22,780 --> 00:04:25,200 And he is f*cking biiiig! 88 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,820 16: You cannot sit in the back. I called shotgun. 89 00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:29,720 AVERY: He has a weapon! 90 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:30,640 TEX [o-s]: Cuff him! 91 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,100 AVERY: Do we have any bigger... 92 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,400 stronger cuffs? 93 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,960 TEX [o-s]: Yeah, they're in the car. 94 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,380 TEX: [Catching flies] AVERY: [Evacuating himself] 95 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,680 18: Alright, I take it back. This is fun! 96 00:04:49,740 --> 00:04:52,120 YAMCHA: So, where's Vegeta during all this, anyway? 97 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,320 KRILLIN: Oh, I'm sure he's off somewhere... 98 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,260 VEGETA: GODDAMMIT! SHIIIII...!! 99 00:04:58,540 --> 00:04:59,500 KRILLIN: ...*coping*. [Heh.] 100 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,420 CHI-CHI: GOHAAAN~! 101 00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,080 GOHAN: 'Oh, good...' 102 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,660 CHI-CHI: Oh, I swear I am never letting you get away from me again. 103 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:11,020 We're gonna get that GPS tracking chip installed in your neck by the end of the week! 104 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:12,440 GOHAN: Uh, little help? 105 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,020 KRILLIN: Androids are coming! Gotta move your dad! Get on the ship! 106 00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:15,880 GOHAN: Where are we going? 107 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:16,880 KRILLIN: Kame House. 108 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,120 GOHAN: Isn't that literally the second place they'll look? 109 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,440 KRILLIN: Less lip, more ship! 110 00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:32,840 TENSHINHAN: I'm here for Chiaotzu. 111 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:34,400 We need to train. 112 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,740 CHIAOTZU: But Tien, the doctor said if your shoulders get any bigger-- 113 00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:39,860 MUSCLE TOWER: That's why we don't see him anymore. 114 00:05:39,860 --> 00:05:42,420 MAS. ROSHI: Wait, so you didn't beat the Androids?! 115 00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:44,840 TENSHINHAN: Well, they broke both of Vegeta's arms... 116 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,340 so you know, that was pretty fun. Otherwise, it was a total wash. 117 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,940 OOLONG: I can never read that guy... 118 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:55,900 MAS. ROSHI: Welp, you heard the man. Pig, fetch my laptop. 119 00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:58,020 We're gonna buy us a submarine! 120 00:05:58,020 --> 00:06:00,540 OOLONG: Alright, but you're not allowed to name it after your junk. 121 00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:02,420 MAS. ROSHI: Bitch, I'm buyin' it, I'm namin' it! 122 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,160 [Mr. Popo is still on one of his benders.] 123 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,980 [Then again, when *isn't* he?] 124 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:10,680 KAMI: Mmm. 125 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:11,340 PICCOLO: Mm? 126 00:06:11,340 --> 00:06:11,960 KAMI: Hnn? 127 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:12,600 PICCOLO: Hnn? 128 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:13,260 KAMI: Hghn! 129 00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:13,820 PICCOLO: Hn?! 130 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,640 KAMI: Hmm... 131 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,240 PICCOLO: Hghmm...! 132 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:21,120 NAIL: '*Oh, just fuck already*!' 133 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,540 YAMCHA [o-s]: So, both arms, huh? 134 00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:26,940 KRILLIN: Both. She was beautiful with a capital B-- 135 00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:28,160 I-I mean brutal! 136 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,860 Uncomfortably brutal! 137 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,540 ...I wasn't distracted by her eyes... [He was.] 138 00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:36,300 GOHAN: So wait, Trunks? I'm curious.... 139 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:40,580 If you came back in time again to help us, does that mean we already failed? 140 00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:43,640 TRUNKS: Actually - turns out that's not how time-travel works. 141 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:48,380 KRILLIN: So you're saying I can't just take your Time Machine, go back in time, and tell myself not to date Maron? 142 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:54,060 TRUNKS: I don't know who that is... but, no, you couldn't. I mean, you could, but it wouldn't be the same you! 143 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:59,340 You see, when I traveled back to the past, I'm... technically going to a different universe. 144 00:06:59,340 --> 00:07:01,260 GOHAN: Oh - you mean Multiverse Theory? 145 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:02,200 TRUNKS: Wait, what? 146 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:02,940 GOHAN: Yeah. 147 00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:05,960 With every decision, it creates a branch in the timeline. [Who'd have thought you'd get a science lecture during an abridged series?] 148 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:10,260 Whenever you travel back in time, you're actually entering another parallel universe. [Who'd have thought you'd get a science lecture during an abridged series?] 149 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:11,820 TRUNKS: How could you possibly--? 150 00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:16,440 GOHAN: I've been studying theoretical physics... although at this point, I guess it's just physics. 151 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,780 CHI-CHI: Good. Then if that's all out of the way, we can start your review on cellular biology! 152 00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:23,440 GOHAN: Aw, but cells are *boring*! [Ow, the irony hurts.] 153 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:24,400 YAMCHA: I don't get it. 154 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:29,500 If it doesn't affect your timeline, why even come back to ours and tell us anything in the first place? 155 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,980 TRUNKS: Well, besides wanting to make at least one timeline without the world being destroyed... 156 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:37,280 my mother didn't tell me until AFTER I'd already done it once. 157 00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:40,480 KRILLIN: ...And then she tried to bang you~...! 158 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,040 [Ringtone] 159 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:42,560 TRUNKS: Uh-huh? 160 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,840 KRILLIN: Oh, speak of the devil! That's her ringtone. 161 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,440 TRUNKS: What is *that*? 162 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:47,500 YAMCHA: What is what? 163 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,680 TRUNKS: This music! 164 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,140 KRILLIN: You mean country music? 165 00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:50,640 TRUNKS: Oh! 166 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,660 *This* is country music? 167 00:07:52,660 --> 00:07:54,420 KRILLIN: What, you don't have country in the future? 168 00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:58,080 TRUNKS: No! Shortly after I was born it all just... vanished. 169 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,260 Nobody knows exactly what happened. 170 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,400 YAMCHA: So, someone wanna get that? Kinda flying the plane...! 171 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,360 KRILLIN: Aw, fine. 172 00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:06,240 {BEEP} 173 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,460 Krrillin~ sp-- 174 00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:09,480 BULMA: Shut up, I've got some important news. 175 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,780 KRILLIN: Good or bad news? 176 00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:12,840 BULMA: It depends. Is Trunks there? 177 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:15,340 KRILLIN: ...Is this a booty call? 178 00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:16,120 BULMA [via phone]: *Krillin*! 179 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,020 KRILLIN: Right behind me! 180 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:18,540 TRUNKS: Hi, Mom... 181 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,300 BULMA: Hey... 182 00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:24,500 [Never has the phrase "I'll be your Mommy" (ep #34) been so awkward & ironic...] 183 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:25,440 [Gunshot] 184 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,680 YAJIROBE [vp]: Ya missed me, four-eyes! 185 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,660 DOCTOR BRIEFS [o-s]: That was a warning shot, fat-ass! Now put down the fridge! 186 00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:33,460 YAJIROBE [vp]: Viva la honey-baked ham! 187 00:08:33,460 --> 00:08:35,720 [Gunshots] 188 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:43,760 BULMA: ...Yeah, anyway, I just got the strangest call from some farmer in the countryside fifty miles out of Ginger Town... 189 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,980 said he found one of our vehicles out there. 190 00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:50,860 KRILLIN [sarcastic]: Wow, this is so interesting, does it have anything to do with the *Androids* we're fighting? 191 00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:52,300 BULMA: Shut up, and it might. 192 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,980 [Fax dialtones] I'm faxing over the picture he took. 193 00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:55,520 [Fax dialtones] KRILLIN: You have a *fax* machine? 194 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:56,800 [Fax dialtones] TRUNKS: What's a fax machine? 195 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,300 [Fax dialtones] KRILLIN: You see; that one makes sense. 196 00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,160 BULMA [vp]: Just shut up and show it to Trunks! 197 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:01,700 TRUNKS: What? 198 00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:03,500 No, this can't be right! 199 00:09:04,420 --> 00:09:05,980 This is my Time Machine! 200 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,380 KRILLIN: Maybe you misplaced it. 201 00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:11,060 TRUNKS: That's impossible; I put it away in its capsule! 202 00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:11,860 GOHAN: Are you sure? 203 00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,160 TRUNKS: Of course I'm sure. Here, just let me show you. 204 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,020 KRILLIN: WAIT, NO! 205 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:15,520 {CRASH} 206 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:16,020 TRUNKS: Oh, no! [Screams of terror] 207 00:09:16,020 --> 00:09:16,620 KRILLIN: Oh, my God! [Screams of terror] 208 00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:17,640 YAMCHA: It's on top of Goku! [Screams of terror] 209 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,140 GOHAN: Dad! 210 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,260 KRILLIN: Put it back, put it back, put it back! 211 00:09:19,260 --> 00:09:20,440 [Goku screaming] 212 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,080 YAMCHA: Oh good, that's back... [Goku screaming] 213 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,840 [♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫] 214 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:34,160 18: So, I've been thinking about it... what do we do after we kill Goku? 215 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,840 17: Whatever the hell we want! [Like range a park, maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯] Who's gonna stop us? 216 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:37,960 16: Not Goku. 217 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:41,540 17: *Exactly*. Speaking of which, Sixteen - what's our ETA? 218 00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:44,420 16: We are currently 2,544 miles from our destination. 219 00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:46,380 18: Ohhh, my God... 16: We are currently 2,544 miles from our destination. 220 00:09:46,380 --> 00:09:50,860 17: Hey, come on sis, it ain't so bad! Let's turn on our good old friend, the radio. 221 00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:53,500 [Country music plays] 222 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:56,120 18: Oh, that is ten pounds of nope in a five pound bag. 223 00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:59,600 17: Right right, sorry. Forgot we were out in the sticks. 224 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,960 18: You know what? I think I know the first thing we're gonna do.