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[Disclaimer read by Kami]

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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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[Van idling]

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[Yamcha's Country Re:REMIX playing in background]

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"ANDROID" 18: This is, the best, you've got?

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STORE CLERK: That is our top o' the line! How do ya like it?

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18: "Like" is a strong word. So is "tolerate".

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"Hate's" actually looking a little weak right now.

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STORE CLERK: Oh, but darlin', you look like
the most beautiful rose in a rose garden!

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I'm sure if I came home with you, my Daddy might even love me again!

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18: And that is my cue to leave! Later, cowboy.

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STORE CLERK: Uh, sweetheart, you gotta pay for those!

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Uh, c-c-cash or credit!

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The register's on the inside!

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[muffled] You are getting into your car!

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You are driving away, aaand I have been robbed.

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YOU BLONDE BIMBO! YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!

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[Tires screech]

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[Vehicle reversing]

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Oh, no, nonononononono!
[Welp, he's dead.]

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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[Beeping]

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TRUNKS: Alright, we should be getting close to the site!

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GOHAN: Um, Mr. Trunks?

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TRUNKS: What's up?

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GOHAN: If you don't mind me asking, you know me in the future, right?

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TRUNKS: Yeah, actually, you were my mentor.

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GOHAN: Oh, wow! What is adult me like?
[Dead]

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TRUNKS: Well, I suppose you take a lot after your father.

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GOHAN [suddenly worried]: ...In what regard?

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TRUNKS: You're the strongest, bravest warrior on the planet.

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GOHAN [relieved]: Okay, good.

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By the way, why do you keep staring at my arm?

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TRUNKS: Oh, uh... hey, what's that?

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GOHAN: Oh!

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TRUNKS: Well, this definitely looks like my Time Machine.

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But, it also looks like it's been here for ages.

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GOHAN: Ooh, a mystery!

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I never get to solve mysteries!
Like Sherlock Holmes or Batman!

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Usually we're just busy fighting people. Like Bruce Lee!

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Or Batman!

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BULMA: Heeey!

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GOHAN: Oh look, your Mom's here!

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TRUNKS: Oh, good...

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BULMA: Hey there, Gohan!

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And...

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...son.

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TRUNKS: ...Mother.

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[9000 levels of awkwardness right here...]

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BULMA: So, is that your Time Machine?

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TRUNKS: Well, it looks like mine, but it can't be mine!

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{CLICK}

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[Capsule opening sound]

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This one here's the one I used to travel back in time with.

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If you'll notice, it has the word "Hope" written on the side.

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So unless this one has it written on it in the same place, we--

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...Oh.

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Crapbaskets.

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GOHAN: Oh, you say that too.

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BULMA: Wait... why "Hope"?

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TRUNKS: Because you called me our last hope.

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BULMA: Holy crap, that's so cheesy!
What, do I have, like, a ton of cats, too?

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GOHAN: Hey, anyone else notice the hole on  the top?

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BULMA: Huh, weird. Do you think whoever was piloting it was attacked?

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DETECTIVE SON: Actually, I don't think so.

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Considering the curvature of the melted glass...
combined with the lack of any glass or damage in the cockpit...

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we're safe to assume... whatever shot the canopy...

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came... from the *inside*!

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TRUNKS: And what does that tell us?

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GOHAN: Um... that the blast came from the inside...
[Or the person didn't know how to open it.]

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TRUNKS: Here...

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[Whirring]

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Huh.

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So, any idea what these are?

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GOHAN: Oh, I think I kicked an alien that looked like that, once.
[Dodoria came from an egg? You learn something new everyday.]

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BULMA: Hey, lemme get a look at it! I wanna help too!

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{CLUNK}

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As the daughter of the world's leading-class scientist, with doctorates
in both bio-engineering and evolutionary biology, I can only deduce...

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{CLUNK}

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...that this is a mutant coconut.

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{CLUNK}
Either that or an egg.

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Either that or an egg.

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GOHAN: An egg? (Gasp) I know!

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Trunks! Whatever made that hole, hatched from this egg!

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You keep examining the Time Machine!
I'm gonna go search for clues!

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TRUNKS: Well at least one of us is having fun with this.

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{CLUNK CLUNK}

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{CLUNK}

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Two of us.

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[Pac-Man sound effect]
[That is one mutant Pac-Man]

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KRILLIN: And then they flew off!
God only knows where they are now!

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Thanks for letting us keep Goku here, by the way.

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ROSHI: Yeah, that's nice. So there's a HOT one now?

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KRILLIN: Oh yeah, like you wouldn't believe!

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Her eyes are this beautiful, piercing, blue; her confidence is *stunning*; and she
does this adorable little thing with her hair where she brushes it out of the way--

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ROSHI: Fantastic! How's the rack?!

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TURTLE [off-screen]: Uh, Master Roshi, Goku's sweating purple. Is that normal?

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ROSHI: Did he eat grapes?

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TURTLE [o-s]: I... don't... know?

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ROSHI: That boy can't handle his grapes.

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Speaking of fruit, what're we talking here?
Apples? Oranges? MELONS?!

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KRILLIN: Is that really important?
(You do remember who you're asking, right?)

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ROSHI: YES!

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GOHAN: (Humming)

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Oh, hello! And what are you?

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Hey, Trunks! I think I found a clue!

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Either that or a record-setting cicada.

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I'm okay with both, actually.

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TRUNKS: Uu-aagh!

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BULMA: Aaah!

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Oh my God, is that thing alive?!

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GOHAN: No, pretty sure that this is just a molt.

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BULMA: Something crawled out of that?!

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GOHAN: Hey, if you guys don't want it, mind if I take it home with me?
[I don't blame him; I'd probably take it home too.]

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TRUNKS: 'Whatever was in here, might just be
the creature that came out of that she--'

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{SQUELCH}
TRUNKS: 'Whatever was in here, might just be
the creature that came out of that she--'

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Oh... ohhh no...

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Oh, really wish I hadn't!

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TRUNKS: Oh, it's all over my hand!
GOHAN: Considering how fresh this molt is, it's likely that

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GOHAN: Considering how fresh this molt is, it's likely that

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TRUNKS: Oh God, it's sticky!
GOHAN: whatever shed its skin did so very recently.

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GOHAN: whatever shed its skin did so very recently.

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TRUNKS: And now it's starting to harden! Oh no!
GOHAN: Meaning that it might very well still be here!

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[Whirring]
BULMA: Trunks-it-was-good-to-see-you-again

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[Engine starting]
and-Gohan-say-hello-to-your-mother-I'll-call-you-later-okay

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byyyyyyyyye~!!

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TRUNKS: Long shot, but you wouldn't happen
to carry hand sanitizer on you, would you?

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GOHAN: Do--... do you not?

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BULMA: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

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["Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)" ⬇]
PHONE: ♫ (Give it to me baby) Uh-huh, uh-huh! ♫

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PHONE: ♫ (Give it to me baby) Uh-huh, uh-huh! ♫

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BULMA: ...Eww!
PHONE: ♫ (Give it to me baby) Uh-huh, uh-huh! ♫

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♫ (Give it--) ♫

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[News jingle playing in background]

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BULMA [on phone]: What?

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KRILLIN: Ssso, you guys are by Ginger Town, right?

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BULMA: We were... why?

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KRILLIN: 'Cause there is some major shhhit going on down there!

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BULMA: Shit of what variety, exactly?

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KRILLIN: The not-good kind.

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FLASH [on TV]: This is Flash Stormwood reporting
live for CQTV here on location in Ginger Town! [Jimmy Firecracker's bitter rival]

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HAL [on TV]: Well thank you, Flash.
What's the situation down there?

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FLASH: Mass unadulterated panic, Hal!

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Just moments ago, screams erupted throughout
the streets, only to be followed by deafening silence!

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Now there seems to be nothing left but a ghost town,
littered with the clothes of its former inhabitants!

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We have yet to find out the reason why.

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HAL [on TV]: Well, do you have any speculations, Flash?

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FLASH: Well Hal, I cannot say for certain;
however, recreational marijuana use was recently legalized in the region!

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So I believe we can all come to the same conclusion!

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[Footsteps on TV]

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[Footsteps on TV]
Just a moment, someone is approaching!

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Excuse me you terrifying looking gentleman,
what are your opinions on the legalization of--

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OH MY GOD, NO!

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[Screaming]
[Slurping]

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[Ecstasy]

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KRILLIN: Wow, someone should probably go check that out.

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ROSHI: Yeah, my stash is running a little low!

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(Laughing, coughing)

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GOHAN: Hey guys, we're back!

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(Sniffs) What's that smell? Is there a skunk in here?

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KRILLIN: Oh, hey Gohan. You like mysteries?

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GOHAN: Do I?!

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PICCOLO: Hmm? Okay, so you felt *that* one, right?

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KAMI: I did...

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PICCOLO: And you're *still* just going to put this off?

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KAMI: I might...

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PICCOLO: Alright, I've had enough of this.
I have literally been sitting here, meditating--

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NAIL: 'Dozing.'

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PICCOLO: --*meditating*, for the last... uhh...

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MR. POPO: THREE! HOURS! :o

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PICCOLO: Thank you, Mr. Popo.

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Three hours!

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So either shit, or get in my body.
[Come again?]

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NAIL: 'Uhh, I...'

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PICCOLO: No!

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KAMI: Listen, I still need to feel the situation out.

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PICCOLO: What the *hell* is there left to feel out?
Between your cryptic warnings and jerking me around,

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I'm pretty sure an entire city is either missing, or DEAD!

183
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You're the Guardian! Start acting like it!

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KAMI: Yes! I am the Guardian! The Guardian of *this* planet!

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And you wish to *take* that title from me!

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PICCOLO: Are you kidding me? This can't be about the job.

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The first chance you had to drop this gig,
you tried to hand it off to *Goku*!

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*GOKU*!
[He's not joking.]

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He doesn't even look after his own kid!
*I* look after his kid more than he does!

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KAMI: But it's still my job! My responsibility!

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PICCOLO: And that's really good and all,

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but if you don't fuse with me, the entire world you're "guarding",

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might be DESTROYED!

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KAMI: Maybe I'd RATHER it be destroyed
than ever have to be a part of YOU again!

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[And there it is...]

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NAIL: '...Mom, Dad, please stop fighting.'

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PICCOLO DAIMAO (sort of): So *that's* what this is all about, huh?

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KAMI: No, no, that's not what I--

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PICCOLO DAIMAO (sort of): No, no, it's fine. I was kind of a dick. I get that.
[Another Dragon Ball reference, in case you're wondering]

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KAMI: Listen, Piccolo.

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I've been the Guardian for over 300 years.

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I've seen wars, sickness, death and worse.

203
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All the while trapped on this Lookout.

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Unable to interact with the outside world
for more than... moments at a time.

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Now the only chance I have left is
giving up my free will to someone else.

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It's just another prison.

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PICCOLO: Wow, I... I didn--

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KAMI: It's fine. I'm done, anyway.

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You're right. If I don't do this now, we are likely to lose everything.

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But know this, Piccolo:

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Once I fuse with you, the Dragon Balls will be no more.

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PICCOLO: Ah, that's not a problem. We've got a whole
planet of our people just waiting to make us more.

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SMARTASS: What do you mean, "our people"?

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PICCOLO: Stop being a smartass and let's just do this already.

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KAMI: Well then, Mr. Popo... I suppose this is goodbye.

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It's been... a trip.

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LORD POPO: (Giggling) YES! (Giggling)
[Is he channeling Broken Matt Hardy or something?]

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KAMI: Well... I'm sure you're already familiar with the technique.

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PICCOLO: Right.

220
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KAMI: Alright now...

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lower.

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PICCOLO: Yeah, not falling for that.

223
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,960
KAMI: Hmph. I didn't think so.

224
00:10:05,460 --> 00:10:09,520
PICCOLO: (Yelling)
KAMI: (Yelling)

225
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:13,520
MR. POPO: Oh my God, I'm coming dooooown!!

226
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,200
Whoo, that was crazy!

227
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:21,960
So did you actually eat Kami or was that the acid?

228
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,500
PICCOLO*: 'So THIS is who we were, huh?'
[* Technically "nameless" because he forgot the name his late dad gave him.]

229
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,900
[* Technically "nameless" because he forgot the name his late dad gave him.]

230
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:26,780
'Hello...?'
[No, really.]

231
00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:30,140
'Got real quiet...!'

232
00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:32,220
'Holy crap, are they finally--'

233
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,280
NAIL: [Trolling like a boss]

234
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,920
PICCOLO: Ohhh, of course not...
NAIL: [Trolling like a boss]

235
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,520
NAIL: 'Hu-heh, isn't this the part where you chant to yourself?'

236
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:39,360
PICCOLO: Shut up!

237
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,000
KAMI [in Piccolo's head henceforth]: 'Come now,
we should do whatever feels right.'

238
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,660
PICCOLO: Oh, please, no!

239
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:44,520
KAMI: 'You Can Win!'
NAIL: 'You Can Win!'

240
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,520
KAMI: 'You Can Win! You Feel Great!'
NAIL: 'You Can Win! You Feel Great!'

241
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,320
KAMI: 'You Can Win! You Feel Great! You! Can!'
NAIL: 'You Can Win! You Feel Great! You! Can!'

242
00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:47,080
KAMI: 'You Can Win! You Feel Great! You! Can! Do! This!'
NAIL: 'You Can Win! You Feel Great! You! Can! Do! This!'

243
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:48,400
PICCOLO: Hmm...

244
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:53,660
KORIN: Hey Piccolo, could you pick up Yajirobe?
He doesn't have a ca--rrrrrr, crap!

245
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,140
Well I know SOMEONE who's not getting invited to Sunday brunch!
[You know he doesn't eat, right?]

246
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,320
D'oh, who am I kidding? We like him.

247
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,720
LORD POPO: Well... only one thing to do.

248
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:07,620
[Click]

249
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:08,760
♪TURN DOWN FOR WHAT♪

250
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,760
["Turn Down for What" by Lil Jon plays loudly]
[Fireworks screeching, exploding]

251
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:16,420
BRUSH [on TV]: Now now now now, now the Libs are
surely gonna shout "Racism" over this one, but...

252
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:19,740
this is just what happens when you elect a DOG as King!

253
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,820
GOHAN: So you think this is whatever came from that egg, Trunks?

254
00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:26,000
TRUNKS: Definitely. This isn't the work of the Androids, that's for sure.

255
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,900
KRILLIN: Not unless they're starting the
world's first mandatory nudist colony.

256
00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:30,900
TRUNKS: I'm going to go down there and check it out myself.

257
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,300
I'll admit... after everything that's happened,

258
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:35,960
I'm a little bit worried I'm responsible for these events.

259
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,200
YAMCHA: Wait! Are you sure you should go alone?

260
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:41,620
TRUNKS: The only other person strong enough
to help us right now would be my father.

261
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:45,900
And even if I knew where he was, which I *don't*,
I'm not sure he *would* help us.

262
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:52,900
STILL FULL OF IT: No! You see, I didn't f**k up! I just
underestimated her! I went in a little too overconfident.

263
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:58,760
But of COURSE I was a little overconfident!
I mean, have you ever met me?! I'm ME! I'm a big deal!

264
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,040
And you know who's REALLY at fault here?!

265
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,700
*The boy*.

266
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,880
"Oh, the future is SO bad!"

267
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,360
Well maybe it wouldn't be, if YOU weren't such a PANSY ASS!

268
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:10,420
[Power up sound]

269
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:14,340
Now once I get back in the game,
and DESTROY THOSE METAL BRATS...

270
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:18,060
there'll be nothing left to get in my way.

271
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:25,060
NAIL: (Snickers) 'Well, this is classic.
The moment God disappears, suddenly the Rapture happens!'

272
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:27,440
KAMI: 'Yes, the irony is not lost on me...'

273
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,720
PICCOLO: 'Could you guys stop talking for, a *minute*?'

274
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:35,080
NAIL: 'Oh yeah, don't wanna distract you.
Might get hit by one of these *abandoned* cars!'

275
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:40,520
KAMI: 'I've always wanted to drive a car. But by the time
they were invented, eyes weren't so good for it anymore.'

276
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,700
[Creepy humming in background]
'Piccolo, you've driven a car, right? How was it?'

277
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,700
[Creepy humming in background]
PICCOLO: 'Wait, seriously, shut up. What is that?'

278
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:51,220
[♪ Creepy humming / rendition of "Mr. Sandman" ♪]

279
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,640
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): ♪ Mr. Sandman... ♪

280
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:59,120
♪ Bring me a dream... ♪
[Well, this isn't creepy as fuck.]

281
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:04,720
♪ Make him the cutest, that I've ever seen... ♪

282
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:11,040
♪ Give him two lips, like roses and clover... ♪

283
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:15,040
♪ Then tell him that his lonesome nights... ♪

284
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,200
♪ are... ♪

285
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:17,880
♪ over. ♪

286
00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:21,320
MR. IMPERFECT CELL: Hello...

287
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,480
*friend*.

288
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,440
(Reptilian growl)
(AAAAAAAND... pants shat.)

289
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:46,280
[8-Bit Rendition of Cha-La-Head-Cha-La plays]