[Disclaimer read by Perverted Kame-sennin]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
MASTER ROSHI: Heh! "Release".
IMPERFECT CELL: All right...
* So South City is to the North
* North City is to the West
* And East City is~...
* So South City is to the North * North City is to the West * And East City is~... also to the North.
Where the f**k am I? [Next to a very confused road sign.]
[The coach radio is tuned to a music station] COACH ROGER: Raaagh!
[Music continues to play despite the crash]
Sir, I need to ask you to move off the road.
We have a very important game today against the West City Southerners and we're already running late.
IMP. CELL: (Gasp) 'Aww, East City has a Panda Sanctuary, that's cute.'
COACH ROGER: I am now going to start applying the horn.
{HONK}
I am *now* going to use it again.
{HONK HONK}
I will now continue to use the horn until you *politely* move!
{HONK HONK}
{HONK HONK HONK HONK}
{HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK}
[Well, this obviously isn't creepy...]
{HONK} IMP. CELL: Beep!
{HONK} Beep!
[etc...]
{HOOOOOOONK} BEEEEEEEEEEP!
'Now, I just need to find my brother and sister before--'
BUCKO: Hey, ya giant green pylon! You ain't no car, so get off the road!
Else me and the boys are gonna have ta make yer face look like yer ass, and yer ass look like yer face! [Technically, they already look the same.]
Else me and the boys are gonna have ta make yer face look like yer ass, and yer ass look like yer face! [BTW, pixelation on left side needed for YouTube censors...]
IMP. CELL: Mmm... (inhales)... hey you, I wanna make a joke about your team. What's its name? [Does he think he's cutting a wrestling promo or something?]
BUCKO: The East City Westmen!
EAST CITY WESTMEN: Hoo-Hah! BUCKO: The East City Westmen!
IMP. CELL: 'Oh, I am too hungry for this *shit*.'
BUCKO: WOOH-HAH!
[Mmm... liquefied muscle tower!]
[Yeah, I'd nope the fuck away too.]
IMP. CELL: Beep beep!
COACH ROGER: UWAAHAAH...!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai ♫
♫ *Sparking!* ♫
PICCOLO: Dammit!
PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit!
PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!
PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!
KRILLIN: Wow, Piccolo's pulling a your dad.
VEGETA: Dammit!
VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit!
VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!
VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!
KRILLIN: Ah, yeah. See?
TRUNKS: And now we have *this*.
VEGETA [jealous]: You!
VEGETA [jealous]: You! Namekian!
VEGETA [jealous]: You! Namekian! Too strong!
VEGETA [jealous]: You! Namekian! Too strong! Explain now!
TRUNKS: He fused with Kami so he could become stronger.
VEGETA: The f**k's a "Kami"?
KRILLIN: Basically God.
VEGETA: But I'm still here!
TRUNKS: Do you really believe your own hype that much?!
"GOD": I AM THE HYPE!!
TENSHINHAN: Hey, finally found you guys. Just followed Vegeta's screaming. What did I miss?
KRILLIN: Piccolo fused with Kami.
TENSHINHAN: Oh, that finally came full circle.
PICCOLO: More importantly, there's a new threat: *Another* Android created by Dr. Gero!
[Le shock!!]
VEGETA: DO I HEAR FIVE?!
CHI-CHI: Everyone! You have to come quickly!
GOHAN: Aww, but we're about to drink our lima bean and lentil smoothies.
MAS. ROSHI: Eh, they taste like vomit but they keep me regular. I'm like a soft-serve ice cream machine in the mornin'!
CHI-CHI: No time for those! Come upstairs!
MAS. ROSHI: I'm comin'! I'M COMIN'!
I came. Heh! [Ugh.]
CHI-CHI [off-screen; overjoyed]: Look! Look at Goku!
GOKU: Mmm...
OOLONG [deadpan]: What a miracle we have witnessed. Allow me to go call the local news.
CHI-CHI: I've had to deal with him screaming bloody murder for the last three hours; I'll take what I can get.
MAS. ROSHI: I wonder what he's dreamin' about...
[Inside Goku's dream]
"MONKEY D. LUFFY": Yay! I'm Pirate Goku! Are you ready for an adventure, Sword-Guy Piccolo? [What. The fuck?]
"RORONOA ZORO": Uh, actually, I think you need to wake up. The Androids are-- [Accurate.]
"MONKEY D. LUFFY": Wait, look! It's *Ninja* Goku!
"NARUTO UZUMAKI": Hey, Pirate Goku! Let's go on an adventure! [Y'know, that actually fits him.]
"MONKEY D. LUFFY": Yeah!
[Back in the real world...]
GOKU: Yeah...
PICCOLO: So yeah, that's basically it in a nutshell.
KRILLIN: You mean a nut*cell*--
PICCOLO: Shut up! TENSHINHAN: Shut up! TRUNKS: Shut up! VEGETA: Shut up!
TENSHINHAN: So if Cell manages to find whatever he's missing, he'll become even stronger?
PICCOLO: I guess? He was pretty vague about it; no matter what though - if he and the Androids join forces...
none of us will stand a chance.
VEGETA: Says you.
TENSHINHAN: Aaand here we go...
VEGETA: I don't care how many people you fuse with. You'll never be as strong as a Super Saiyan.
PICCOLO: Not really much of a milestone anymore. [Give it 7 years. It'll be even *less* of a milestone.]
VEGETA: As for me, I will find a level *beyond* a Super Saiyan!
TENSHINHAN: So, what? Like a Mega Saiyan? *Ultra* Saiyan?
VEGETA: ...You're mocking me--
TENSHINHAN: *Maximum* Over-Saiyan!
SUPER SAIYAN GOD: F**k off, Triclops!
KRILLIN: Why do you antagonize him like that? You know he can kill you, right?
TRICLOPS: At this point, it's a game. If he gives in, I win...
TRICLOPS: At this point, it's a game. If he gives in, I win... and he knows that.
TRUNKS: Crazy thought - if that Cell's from another timeline, then's there gotta be one in this timeline too.
TENSHINHAN: Pretty sure that *emotional episode* you had earlier levelled Gero's lab.
KRILLIN: Well, he was a mad scientist. Shot in the dark - maybe he's got a basement?
TRUNKS: Ah, crapbaskets.
KRILLIN: Oh, you say that too.
PICCOLO: Alright then. Trunks, you go back to Gero's lab. I'm going after Cell.
KRILLIN: I'm going with Trunks to go after Cell.
TENSHINHAN: Aaand I'm going with, Piccolo to... go after... Cell...?
KRILLIN: Brreak!
PICCOLO: So, now that I have the chance to say this, um...
sorry my Dad killed Chiaotzu.
[You say it best...]
NAIL: '...Aaand you made it awkward...'
[Is that a saxophone I hear? Sounds like *somebody* is getting lucky...]
IMP. CELL: Hey there, cherry. What's your name?
"NICKY TOWN" (Imperfect Cell talking falsetto): My name is Nicky Town. Who are you?
IMP. CELL: Name's Cell...
IMP. CELL: Name's Cell... [licks his, uh, orifice]...
IMP. CELL: Name's Cell... [licks his, uh, orifice]... and you are lookin' fiiine~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
"NICKY TOWN": Well, thank you Mr. Cell, but you're just sayin' that.
IMP. CELL: Oh, I don't say that to *every* town I come across.
"NICKY TOWN": Mr. Cell, please absorb me.
IMP. CELL: Oh don't worry, I'll get around to it.
"NICKY TOWN": But I need you right *now*, Mr. Cell.
IMP. CELL: OK-OK-OK, I'm in the middle of something right now--
"NICKY TOWN": No! Right *now*, Mr. Cell! Right *now*!
IMP. CELL: *BITCH I DO WHAT I WANT*!! ಠ益ಠ
KRILLIN: (Shivers)... oh my God, was it always this cold? We were here at noon, it was not this cold!
TRUNKS: Well, if you need to warm up, start looking.
KRILLIN: You know, I sometimes complain about our lifestyle, but honestly - shooting lasers is fun!
Pe-choo! Pe-choo! Pe-choo!
TRUNKS: Are you... making laser noises?
KRILLIN: All the time in my head. Why; is that weird?
TRUNKS: Pe-pew! Pe-pew! KRILLIN: Pe-choo! Pe-choo! [Anyone who denies doing this as a kid is lying.]
TRUNKS: Hey, there it is!
KRILLIN: Well, we can't climb down that - it's broken.
TRUNKS: Just come on.
KRILLIN: Weeeeeee...!
Wehee!
TRUNKS: I need to ask you a favor.
KRILLIN: What's that?
TRUNKS: If we find any more Androids down here...
please don't tell my father.
KRILLIN: I swear on my life. Unless he threatens my life... in which case... [His life gets threatened often, so you're screwed.]
...Wow. Danger, Will Robinson.
TRUNKS: Who's Will Robinson?
KRILLIN: The future is no fun...
TRUNKS: It's really not... huh?
Hey, so, if I were a gambling man...
KRILLIN: Huh? Oh my God...
It's adorable!
Well, time to waste it.
TRUNKS: No, wait!
KRILLIN: Awww!
TRUNKS: These... these are the schematics for the Androids! We could use these to find a way to turn them off!
KRILLIN: 'Don't ask how to turn them on.'
'Don't ask how to turn her on!'
'Don't ask how to turn Android 18 on!'
How do you turn Android 17 on?
[XD] '*Shit!*'
TRUNKS: Also, it lists their real names: "Lapis" and "Lazuli". And apparently, Android 16 was modeled after Gero's son!
KRILLIN: Are you making that up? It sounds like you're making that up.
TRUNKS: No, it's all here, really!
KRILLIN: Well, OK. Grab those and let's kill Cell!
TRUNKS: Hold on, I-I've been thinking...
Technically, its never done anything wrong... so, doesn't it have the right to life? [Yeah, why not keep it? You can raise *this* Cell to be good.]
KRILLIN: This isn't about a right to life...
It's about making a choice. A choice we both need to make.
A choice between a terrible mistake that can ruin lives, and--
F**k it, I'm dropping the pretenses; we're aborting Cell!
BOIYAHH!
TRUNKS: Alright, let's get out of here before this place comes down on our heads.
KRILLIN: Sorry, just a little caught up in gloating.
III~ KILLED CELLLLL~!
Hasta la vista, baby!
{BOOOOOOM}
Probably should've backed up first...
(Hacking coughs)
That was fun! We should hang out more.
PICCOLO: Nothing but clothes with stab marks. Cell's calling card.
TENSHINHAN: Naw dammit, he killed my star battle back! My entire fantasy team just went straight to hell.
PICCOLO [incredulous]: Are you serious?
TENSHINHAN: What? I have hobbies.
PICCOLO: (Scoffs)... no you don't.
TJ [Radio Broadcast]: Hey there, Nicky Town. This is your local station 98.5, *The Nick*, where TJ--
WOMBAT [RB] (decreasing pitch): And the Wombat! Wombat! Wombat!
WOMAN [RB]: Me so horny.
♫
TJ [RB]: What's the weather looking like out there, Wombat?
WOMBAT [RB]: Wombat Weather Forecast!
♫
WOMBAT [RB]: We're in the middle of an impossible heat wave - a balmy 104 degrees - so make sure you stay hydrated! *Real* hydrated!
LUNCH (meal, not the woman with DID): Ergh... RAAUGH! ♫
TJ [RB]: And in local sports news, many of our listeners are still waiting at the stadium for the East City Westmen,
TONS OF LUNCH: (Gasping, screaming and squelching) TJ [RB]: who are becoming increasingly late to the game. Probably hit some traffic on the turnpike...
TONS OF LUNCH: (Gasping, screaming and squelching) WOMBAT [RB]: Or maybe, they're just *scared*!
LUNCH IN A HAT (still not DID woman): AHHHHHHHH!
TJ [RB]: Oh, looks like we got our first call-in of the segment! Hello there, caller. What can TJ...
WOMBAT [RB]: And the Wombat!
TJ [RB]: ...do for you?
GLUTTON [phone via RB]: Hello there, I--
YET MORE LUNCH [phone via RB]: UUGH, HAHH--!
GLUTTON [phone via RB]: OK, hold on, hold on...
(Kills and consumes lunch with relish)
...Ah, there. OK. Could you play "Video Killed the Radio Star"?
["L'Anus Serré"? Really? XD] TJ [RB]: Wow, uh, we usually only do the top 20...
WOMBAT [RB]: But today, we'll make an exception for you, *killer*!
[♫ "Video Killed the Radio Star" ♫] GLUTTON [phone via RB]: Dohh, shucks! Thanks, fellas! I'll be right in.
TJ [RB]: Uh right, wh-what'd he say?
[GLUTTON breaks into the studio]
Oh, God...! Oh, God! WHAT IS THAT THING?! NO! NO, GET AWAY! GET AWAY FROM WOMBAT!
[Mmm... liquefied Wombat!] NO! PUT HIM DOWN! NO-HO-HO! WHY, GOD?!
OHHHH GOD, I LOVED YOU, WO-HOMBA-HA-HAT!! I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!!
♫ Video killed the radio star ♫ OHHHH GOD, I LOVED YOU, WO-HOMBA-HA-HAT!! I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!!
♫ Video killed the radio star ♫ GAH! OH, MY GUHH--
♫ Video killed the radio star ♫ AAAAAAAAAH...!!
♫ Pictures came and broke your heart ♫
[Sleep well, bitches!] ♫ Pictures came and broke your heart ♫
[♫ Intermission (closing theme) ♫]
♫
IMP. CELL [RB]: Hey, welcome back to 98.5, The Cell. We have another caller making a request...
SNACK (sorry, "CALLER") [RB]: Please don't kill me!!
IMP. CELL [RB]: Sorry, that's not in the lineup.
[Unfortunately, neither is "Another One Bites the Dust"]
Speaking of the lineup, in the next half-hour, we've got:
"Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran,
"Killing Me Softly With His Song" by Lauren Hill,
followed by "All By Myself" (by Eric Carmen). [What, no "Killing in the Name Of"?]
Now, don't touch that dial...