1
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[Disclaimer read by Perverted Kame-sennin]

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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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MASTER ROSHI: Heh! "Release".

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IMPERFECT CELL: All right...

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* So South City is to the North

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* So South City is to the North
* North City is to the West

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* So South City is to the North
* North City is to the West
* And East City is~...

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* So South City is to the North
* North City is to the West
* And East City is~... also to the North.

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Where the f**k am I?
[Next to a very confused road sign.]

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[The coach radio is tuned to a music station]
COACH ROGER: Raaagh!

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[Music continues to play despite the crash]

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Sir, I need to ask you to move off the road.

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We have a very important game today against the
West City Southerners and we're already running late.

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IMP. CELL: (Gasp) 'Aww, East City has a Panda Sanctuary, that's cute.'

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COACH ROGER: I am now going to start applying the horn.

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{HONK}

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I am *now* going to use it again.

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{HONK HONK}

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I will now continue to use the horn until you *politely* move!

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{HONK HONK}

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{HONK HONK HONK HONK}

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{HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK}

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[Well, this obviously isn't creepy...]

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{HONK}
IMP. CELL: Beep!

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{HONK}
Beep!

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{HONK}
Beep!

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[etc...]

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{HOOOOOOONK}
BEEEEEEEEEEP!

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BEEEEEEEEEEP!

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'Now, I just need to find my brother and sister before--'

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BUCKO: Hey, ya giant green pylon!
You ain't no car, so get off the road!

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Else me and the boys are gonna have ta make yer
face look like yer ass, and yer ass look like yer face!
[Technically, they already look the same.]

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Else me and the boys are gonna have ta make yer
face look like yer ass, and yer ass look like yer face!
[BTW, pixelation on left side needed for YouTube censors...]

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IMP. CELL: Mmm... (inhales)... hey you, I wanna
make a joke about your team. What's its name?
[Does he think he's cutting a wrestling promo or something?]

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BUCKO: The East City Westmen!

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EAST CITY WESTMEN: Hoo-Hah!
BUCKO: The East City Westmen!

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IMP. CELL: 'Oh, I am too hungry for this *shit*.'

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BUCKO: WOOH-HAH!

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[Mmm... liquefied muscle tower!]

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[Yeah, I'd nope the fuck away too.]

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IMP. CELL: Beep beep!

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COACH ROGER: UWAAHAAH...!

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai ♫

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♫ *Sparking!* ♫

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PICCOLO: Dammit!

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PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit!

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PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

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PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!

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PICCOLO: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!

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KRILLIN: Wow, Piccolo's pulling a your dad.

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VEGETA: Dammit!

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VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit!

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VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

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VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!

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VEGETA: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!

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KRILLIN: Ah, yeah. See?

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TRUNKS: And now we have *this*.

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VEGETA [jealous]: You!

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VEGETA [jealous]: You! Namekian!

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VEGETA [jealous]: You! Namekian! Too strong!

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VEGETA [jealous]: You! Namekian! Too strong! Explain now!

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TRUNKS: He fused with Kami so he could become stronger.

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VEGETA: The f**k's a "Kami"?

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KRILLIN: Basically God.

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VEGETA: But I'm still here!

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TRUNKS: Do you really believe your own hype that much?!

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"GOD": I AM THE HYPE!!

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TENSHINHAN: Hey, finally found you guys.
Just followed Vegeta's screaming. What did I miss?

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KRILLIN: Piccolo fused with Kami.

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TENSHINHAN: Oh, that finally came full circle.

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PICCOLO: More importantly, there's a new threat:
*Another* Android created by Dr. Gero!

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[Le shock!!]

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VEGETA: DO I HEAR FIVE?!

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CHI-CHI: Everyone! You have to come quickly!

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GOHAN: Aww, but we're about to drink our lima bean and lentil smoothies.

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MAS. ROSHI: Eh, they taste like vomit but they keep me regular.
I'm like a soft-serve ice cream machine in the mornin'!

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CHI-CHI: No time for those! Come upstairs!

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MAS. ROSHI: I'm comin'! I'M COMIN'!

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I came. Heh!
[Ugh.]

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CHI-CHI [off-screen; overjoyed]: Look! Look at Goku!

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GOKU: Mmm...

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OOLONG [deadpan]: What a miracle we have witnessed.
Allow me to go call the local news.

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CHI-CHI: I've had to deal with him screaming bloody murder for the last three hours; I'll take what I can get.

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MAS. ROSHI: I wonder what he's dreamin' about...

88
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[Inside Goku's dream]

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"MONKEY D. LUFFY": Yay! I'm Pirate Goku!
Are you ready for an adventure, Sword-Guy Piccolo?
[What. The fuck?]

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"RORONOA ZORO": Uh, actually, I think
you need to wake up. The Androids are--
[Accurate.]

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"MONKEY D. LUFFY": Wait, look! It's *Ninja* Goku!

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"NARUTO UZUMAKI": Hey, Pirate Goku! Let's go on an adventure!
[Y'know, that actually fits him.]

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"MONKEY D. LUFFY": Yeah!

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[Back in the real world...]

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GOKU: Yeah...

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PICCOLO: So yeah, that's basically it in a nutshell.

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KRILLIN: You mean a nut*cell*--

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PICCOLO: Shut up!
TENSHINHAN: Shut up!
TRUNKS: Shut up!
VEGETA: Shut up!

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TENSHINHAN: So if Cell manages to find
whatever he's missing, he'll become even stronger?

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PICCOLO: I guess? He was pretty vague about it;
no matter what though - if he and the Androids join forces...

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none of us will stand a chance.

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VEGETA: Says you.

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TENSHINHAN: Aaand here we go...

104
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VEGETA: I don't care how many people you fuse with.
You'll never be as strong as a Super Saiyan.

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PICCOLO: Not really much of a milestone anymore.
[Give it 7 years. It'll be even *less* of a milestone.]

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VEGETA: As for me, I will find a level *beyond* a Super Saiyan!

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TENSHINHAN: So, what? Like a Mega Saiyan? *Ultra* Saiyan?

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VEGETA: ...You're mocking me--

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TENSHINHAN: *Maximum* Over-Saiyan!

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SUPER SAIYAN GOD: F**k off, Triclops!

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KRILLIN: Why do you antagonize him like that?
You know he can kill you, right?

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TRICLOPS: At this point, it's a game.
If he gives in, I win...

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TRICLOPS: At this point, it's a game.
If he gives in, I win... and he knows that.

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TRUNKS: Crazy thought - if that Cell's from another
timeline, then's there gotta be one in this timeline too.

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TENSHINHAN: Pretty sure that *emotional episode*
you had earlier levelled Gero's lab.

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KRILLIN: Well, he was a mad scientist.
Shot in the dark - maybe he's got a basement?

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TRUNKS: Ah, crapbaskets.

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KRILLIN: Oh, you say that too.

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PICCOLO: Alright then. Trunks, you go back to Gero's lab.
I'm going after Cell.

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KRILLIN: I'm going with Trunks to go after Cell.

121
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TENSHINHAN: Aaand I'm going with, Piccolo to... go after... Cell...?

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KRILLIN: Brreak!

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PICCOLO: So, now that I have the chance to say this, um...

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sorry my Dad killed Chiaotzu.

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[You say it best...]

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NAIL: '...Aaand you made it awkward...'

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[Is that a saxophone I hear?
Sounds like *somebody* is getting lucky...]

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IMP. CELL: Hey there, cherry. What's your name?

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"NICKY TOWN" (Imperfect Cell talking falsetto): My name is Nicky Town. Who are you?

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IMP. CELL: Name's Cell...

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IMP. CELL: Name's Cell... [licks his, uh, orifice]...

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IMP. CELL: Name's Cell... [licks his, uh, orifice]... and you are lookin' fiiine~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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"NICKY TOWN": Well, thank you Mr. Cell, but you're just sayin' that.

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IMP. CELL: Oh, I don't say that to *every* town I come across.

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"NICKY TOWN": Mr. Cell, please absorb me.

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IMP. CELL: Oh don't worry, I'll get around to it.

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"NICKY TOWN": But I need you right *now*, Mr. Cell.

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IMP. CELL: OK-OK-OK, I'm in the middle of something right now--

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"NICKY TOWN": No! Right *now*, Mr. Cell! Right *now*!

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IMP. CELL: *BITCH I DO WHAT I WANT*!! ಠ益ಠ

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KRILLIN: (Shivers)... oh my God, was it always this cold?
We were here at noon, it was not this cold!

142
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TRUNKS: Well, if you need to warm up, start looking.

143
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KRILLIN: You know, I sometimes complain about
our lifestyle, but honestly - shooting lasers is fun!

144
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Pe-choo! Pe-choo! Pe-choo!

145
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TRUNKS: Are you... making laser noises?

146
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KRILLIN: All the time in my head. Why; is that weird?

147
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TRUNKS: Pe-pew! Pe-pew!
KRILLIN: Pe-choo! Pe-choo!
[Anyone who denies doing this as a kid is lying.]

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TRUNKS: Hey, there it is!

149
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KRILLIN: Well, we can't climb down that - it's broken.

150
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TRUNKS: Just come on.

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KRILLIN: Weeeeeee...!

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Wehee!

153
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TRUNKS: I need to ask you a favor.

154
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KRILLIN: What's that?

155
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TRUNKS: If we find any more Androids down here...

156
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please don't tell my father.

157
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KRILLIN: I swear on my life. Unless he threatens my life... in which case...
[His life gets threatened often, so you're screwed.]

158
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...Wow. Danger, Will Robinson.

159
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TRUNKS: Who's Will Robinson?

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KRILLIN: The future is no fun...

161
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TRUNKS: It's really not... huh?

162
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Hey, so, if I were a gambling man...

163
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KRILLIN: Huh? Oh my God...

164
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It's adorable!

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Well, time to waste it.

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TRUNKS: No, wait!

167
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KRILLIN: Awww!

168
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TRUNKS: These... these are the schematics for the Androids!
We could use these to find a way to turn them off!

169
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KRILLIN: 'Don't ask how to turn them on.'

170
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KRILLIN: 'Don't ask how to turn them on.'
'Don't ask how to turn her on!'

171
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KRILLIN: 'Don't ask how to turn them on.'
'Don't ask how to turn her on!'
'Don't ask how to turn Android 18 on!'

172
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How do you turn Android 17 on?

173
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[XD]
'*Shit!*'

174
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TRUNKS: Also, it lists their real names: "Lapis" and "Lazuli".
And apparently, Android 16 was modeled after Gero's son!

175
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KRILLIN: Are you making that up?
It sounds like you're making that up.

176
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TRUNKS: No, it's all here, really!

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KRILLIN: Well, OK.
Grab those and let's kill Cell!

178
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TRUNKS: Hold on, I-I've been thinking...

179
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Technically, its never done anything wrong... so, doesn't it have the right to life?
[Yeah, why not keep it? You can raise *this* Cell to be good.]

180
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KRILLIN: This isn't about a right to life...

181
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It's about making a choice.
A choice we both need to make.

182
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A choice between a terrible mistake that can ruin lives, and--

183
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F**k it, I'm dropping the pretenses; we're aborting Cell!

184
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BOIYAHH!

185
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TRUNKS: Alright, let's get out of here
before this place comes down on our heads.

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KRILLIN: Sorry, just a little caught up in gloating.

187
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III~ KILLED CELLLLL~!

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Hasta la vista, baby!

189
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{BOOOOOOM}

190
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Probably should've backed up first...

191
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(Hacking coughs)

192
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That was fun! We should hang out more.

193
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PICCOLO: Nothing but clothes with stab marks.
Cell's calling card.

194
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TENSHINHAN: Naw dammit, he killed my star battle back!
My entire fantasy team just went straight to hell.

195
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PICCOLO [incredulous]: Are you serious?

196
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TENSHINHAN: What? I have hobbies.

197
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PICCOLO: (Scoffs)... no you don't.

198
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TJ [Radio Broadcast]: Hey there, Nicky Town.
This is your local station 98.5, *The Nick*, where TJ--

199
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WOMBAT [RB] (decreasing pitch): And the Wombat! Wombat! Wombat!

200
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WOMAN [RB]: Me so horny.

201
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♫

202
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TJ [RB]: What's the weather looking like out there, Wombat?

203
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,700
WOMBAT [RB]: Wombat Weather Forecast!

204
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♫

205
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WOMBAT [RB]: We're in the middle of an impossible heat wave - a balmy
104 degrees - so make sure you stay hydrated! *Real* hydrated!

206
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LUNCH (meal, not the woman with DID): Ergh... RAAUGH!
♫

207
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TJ [RB]: And in local sports news, many of our listeners
are still waiting at the stadium for the East City Westmen,

208
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:49,980
TONS OF LUNCH: (Gasping, screaming and squelching)
TJ [RB]: who are becoming increasingly late to the game.
Probably hit some traffic on the turnpike...

209
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:52,340
TONS OF LUNCH: (Gasping, screaming and squelching)
WOMBAT [RB]: Or maybe, they're just *scared*!

210
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,840
LUNCH IN A HAT (still not DID woman): AHHHHHHHH!

211
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:58,960
TJ [RB]: Oh, looks like we got our first call-in
of the segment! Hello there, caller. What can TJ...

212
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,300
WOMBAT [RB]: And the Wombat!

213
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,400
TJ [RB]: ...do for you?

214
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,260
GLUTTON [phone via RB]: Hello there, I--

215
00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:03,180
YET MORE LUNCH [phone via RB]: UUGH, HAHH--!

216
00:10:03,180 --> 00:10:04,340
GLUTTON [phone via RB]: OK, hold on, hold on...

217
00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:07,780
(Kills and consumes lunch with relish)

218
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:12,220
...Ah, there. OK. Could you play "Video Killed the Radio Star"?

219
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:15,580
["L'Anus Serré"? Really? XD]
TJ [RB]: Wow, uh, we usually only do the top 20...

220
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:19,120
WOMBAT [RB]: But today, we'll make an exception for you, *killer*!

221
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:23,040
[♫ "Video Killed the Radio Star" ♫]
GLUTTON [phone via RB]: Dohh, shucks! Thanks, fellas! I'll be right in.

222
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,460
TJ [RB]: Uh right, wh-what'd he say?

223
00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:25,300
[GLUTTON breaks into the studio]

224
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:31,000
Oh, God...! Oh, God! WHAT IS THAT THING?!
NO! NO, GET AWAY! GET AWAY FROM WOMBAT!

225
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:35,100
[Mmm... liquefied Wombat!]
NO! PUT HIM DOWN! NO-HO-HO! WHY, GOD?!

226
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:39,640
OHHHH GOD, I LOVED YOU, WO-HOMBA-HA-HAT!!
I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!!

227
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,140
♫ Video killed the radio star ♫
OHHHH GOD, I LOVED YOU, WO-HOMBA-HA-HAT!!
I LOVED YOU SO MUCH!!

228
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:43,460
♫ Video killed the radio star ♫
GAH! OH, MY GUHH--

229
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:47,120
♫ Video killed the radio star ♫
AAAAAAAAAH...!!

230
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:49,940
♫ Pictures came and broke your heart ♫

231
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,120
[Sleep well, bitches!]
♫ Pictures came and broke your heart ♫

232
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,860
[♫ Intermission (closing theme) ♫]

233
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:57,480
♫

234
00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:02,800
IMP. CELL [RB]: Hey, welcome back to 98.5, The Cell.
We have another caller making a request...

235
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,440
SNACK (sorry, "CALLER") [RB]: Please don't kill me!!

236
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,280
IMP. CELL [RB]: Sorry, that's not in the lineup.

237
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:07,640
[Unfortunately, neither is "Another One Bites the Dust"]

238
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,180
Speaking of the lineup, in the next half-hour, we've got:

239
00:11:10,180 --> 00:11:12,380
"Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran,

240
00:11:12,380 --> 00:11:14,980
"Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran,
"Killing Me Softly With His Song" by Lauren Hill,

241
00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:17,800
"Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran,
"Killing Me Softly With His Song" by Lauren Hill,
followed by "All By Myself" (by Eric Carmen).
[What, no "Killing in the Name Of"?]

242
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,440
Now, don't touch that dial...