[Disclaimer read by Idiot Hero]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness. If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
BULMA: Wait... so you're saying he had a sub-lab?
DR. BRIEFS: *Of course* he had a sub-lab! We all have sub-labs; where do you think I keep your mother's clones?
BULMA: Mom's *what*?! :o
DR. BRIEFS: Don't go in the basement.
Oh, look! There's bombs in the Androids! I could probably make a detonator for that!
KRILLIN: I don't know - do you really have to blow them* up? [* The girl ;)]
DR. BRIEFS: Why do you care? They're mostly just machinery at this point.
Oops! Except for the lady; baby-maker's still intact. Guess she's still useful for somethin'.
KRILLIN: So, you're saying she still has a--
DR. BRIEFS: Vagina, yes. (...But why? Is Gero not telling us something? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))
KRILLIN: Just went from a nine to a ten!
BULMA: Ugh! Anyway, where's everyone else right now?
KRILLIN: Well, Piccolo and the others are searching for Cell...
PICCOLO [off-screen]: How are all these rides still running?! [A.I., probably.]
TENSHINHAN [o-s]: Why are the clothes still on them? [That should be obvious.]
PICCOLO: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PLACE OF FUN! (It is. It's just a place of fun after Cell f*cked everything over.)
KRILLIN: ...So hopefully that's going well...
and Trunks went out to find Vegeta.
TRUNKS: NOTICE ME!
VEGETA: NOOO!
KRILLIN: Best of luck there.
BULMA: And any update on Goku?
KRILLIN [o-s]: Oh, he's just resting at Kame House... probably still asleep.
{KABEEEEWM!}
CHI-CHI: Uuu-uhh! Uh, huh?! AHHH! THE ANDROIDS ARE HERE!
Bring it on, you robotic sons of--
...huh?!
Oh no! They've already got him!
[Footsteps]
AH!
MASTER ROSHI: Did I miss something?
Ehh...?
Well, either Goku's awake or Moses has brought the Jews. Either way, my pantry's not full enough.
CHI-CHI: (Gasp!) MAS. ROSHI: Hm?
CHI-CHI: Goku! MAS. ROSHI: Eh heh!
MAS. ROSHI: IEEE...!
GOKU: Oh hi!
CHI-CHI: (Laughs joyfully) [Believe it or not, she *does* care.]
GOKU: Aww, hugs are nice! [Damn right.]
CHI-CHI: Oh, tell me you're finally okay!
GOKU: Yuh-huh! Never felt better! Wanna see?
CHI-CHI: Hold on--
AAAHHHH...!
GOKU: Huh! Wonder when she'll come back down--
CHI-CHI: AAAHHHH--!!
[It was at this moment, Goku realized...]
[It was at this moment, Goku realized... He f*cked up.]
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai ♫
♫ *Sparking!* ♫
"ANDROID" 18 [o-s]: I can't believe you took this thing off-roading...!
This thing *barely* handled on the *freeway*!
"ANDROID" 17: Oh, come on, Eighteen! Where's your sense of adventure?
18: About 15 miles back with the shocks!
ANDROID 16: I personally enjoy this alternate route.
It is decked with foliage and wildlife and--
...and spending time with you. But clearly, you disagree. [Aww, poor fire-crotch.]
17: Won't lie, sis. Kind of a dick move.
18: Oh, come on! We'll take him to a zoo after this.
How's that? You wanna hit up the zoo, Sixteen?
16: I want to see the parrots.
[Waves splashing]
[Goku gearing up]
{SNAP}
MAS. ROSHI: Goku! You have missed a hell of a day!
GOKU: Oh, I know everything; I learned it in my pirate dream.
I was having a ninja dream too, but it ended.
CHI-CHI: Alright, now listen: I know you just woke up, so--
GOKU: Yeah, I was outta permission for a while! I really oughta get back to training...
CHI-CHI: (Growls)
GOKU: ...so I can fight Cell!
CHI-CHI: (Growls louder)
GOKU: What? I-if you're worried about Gohan, I'll bring him along with me!
CHI-CHI: (Sigh)...
CHI-CHI: (Sigh)... fine.
GOKU: Huh?
CHI-CHI: Go ahead, go train! Take Gohan. Fight your evil android bug monster!
But I want you to promise me *one thing*...
GOKU: Okaaay... what's that--
CHI-CHI: I want another baby!
GOKU: Mmm, mmm... [Hmm/Mmm Counter: 2 (There will be a lot of 'em this episode.)]
K, BYE!
[Goku f*cks off]
MAS. ROSHI: Uhh... was that a "yes"?
CHI-CHI: It~ wasn't a "no"~!
MAS. ROSHI: Mmm! Mmm! [Hmm/Mmm Counter: 4]
K, BYE!
KRILLIN [o-s]: Thanks for swinging by to pick me up!
YAMCHA [o-s]: What were you doing at Bulma's house anyway?
KRILLIN: Oh, just droppin' off the blue-gina-- I mean vag-prints!
I mean, thanks for swinging by to pick me up!
PICCOLO: This is bad! We can't keep running after Cell. Every time he slips away, we lose another city!
TENSHINHAN: Don't be so melodramatic. Worst case scenario - we wish people back with the Dragon Balls.
PICCOLO: Uuh? Uhhhhh... [Or so they think...]
KRILLIN: Oh God, what?!
PICCOLO: So, remember how Kami and I fused?
TENSHINHAN: No...!
PICCOLO: Aaand, remember how we used to have Dragon Balls?
TENSHINHAN: Holy shit! [The penny drops.]
KRILLIN: Wait, I'm still confused!
TENSHINHAN: The Dragon Balls don't exist anymore, Krillin.
KRILLIN [Probably sh*tting himself now]: OH! OKAY!
YAMCHA: Dude, don't worry. I still have the bunker--
KRILLIN [losing his shit, whilst crying like a b*tch]: WHY DON'T WE HAVE GOKU?!
GOKU: I'm taking Gohan, BYE!
GOHAN: Wha--?
PICCOLO: :o
YAMCHA: :o
TENSHINHAN: :o
KRILLIN: :o
PICCOLO: Good news! The Idiot Hero's back!
KRILLIN: Bitchin'! Let's go hang at Kame House!
KAMI: 'Oh, good! We'll have to see if he's carrying.'
PICCOLO: 'Carrying what?' [Understandably confused]
KAMI: 'I'm asking if he's got any grass on that island.'
PICCOLO: 'Well, yeah. But it's mostly covered by that house.' [Pfft, he's not wrong...]
NAIL: 'He's asking if he has any pot.'
PICCOLO: 'I don't know, probably. I mean, he knows the Mafuba.' [...]
KAMI [Series fans]: 'Oh, my God...!' NAIL [Z fans]: 'The *what*??'
[Suddenly, Idiot Hero and Nerd Son.]
TRUNKS: Huh?!
GOHAN [still processing]: What just happened?!
TRUNKS: Goku... and Gohan?!
GOKU: I'll fill you in later, Gohan. Hey, Trunks! How's the training coming?
TRUNKS: I don't know, let's see...
Hey Dad, do you wanna train with me?
GRUMPY OLD GIT: F*** OFF!
TRUNKS: About that well.
GOKU: Ooh! Only on two words, huh? I'll go talk to him.
Hey, 'Geets!
'GEETS: (Growls)
GOKU: I heard you lost your fight pretty bad.
'GEETS: (Growls louder)
GOKU: But you know what they say, Vegeta:
When you fall off that horse, you get right back up, and you *eat that horse*.
Come eat that horse with me, Vegeta! [Anyone else lost here?]
VEGETA: What the hell are you on about?! [Yeah, thought so.]
GOKU: Oh, I just found a place where we can do a whole year's worth of training in a day.
[Wow, that made sense.]
VEGETA: I'm listening...
GOKU: It's up on Kami's Lookout. Although, now I guess it's just... "The Lookout." Either way, they call it the...
MR. POPO: ...Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
VEGETA [o-s]: WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?! [So Popo has already spooked him, huh?]
17: So Eighteen, what's it look like in there?
18: It looks like Goku's wife is a Chinese princess. [she actually is.]
Seriously, I'm glad she's my size, but who wears this junk?
17: I mean, is Goku there?
18: Oh, no; place is empty. Devoid of both people *and* taste. (Burn.)
17: Huh! Didn't figure Goku for a runner.
18: Well, if I were a guessing girl, I'd say they're at Kame House.
17: But that's, like, the second place we'd look.
16: Confirmed: That is the second place we shall look.
17: Mmm... but it's on an island, so we can't take a van...
18: Oh, thank God!
17: ...So we'll find a boat!
16: *No*!
17: Pardon?
16: We have done it your way. Now we do it my way: the bird way.
We flyyy~!
18: He's finally speaking my language. I mean... kind of...
[Footsteps]
MR. POPO: Here it is, maggots - the Hyperbolic Time Chamber.
GOKU: Waiiit... I thought it was called the "Room of Spirit and Time".
MR. POPO: I said that because you kept mispronouncing it.
GOKU: N'aww, I can do it!
Hypebola Mine Chamber. [Strike 1]
MR. POPO: No.
GOKU: Hyperglycemic Crime Chamber. [Strike 2]
MR. POPO: You get one more.
GOKU: ...Hypebonics Rhyme Chamber. [Strike 3. Also, what the actual fuck?]
MR. POPO: Hmm. [Hmm/Mmm Counter: 5]
Inside, time moves at 365.24 times that of this dimension.
In Goku terms: One day out here - one year in there.
And only two of you maggots can enter at a time.
GOHAN: Wait! How long have you known about this?
GOKU: Since I was a kid.
GOHAN: Then why didn't Krillin and the others use it to train against the Saiyans? Why didn`t WE use it to train against the Androids?!
MR. POPO: They had... other training...
Besides, they most likely would not have survived. I threw Goku in there once when he was a kid.
GOKU: I almost died. (ALMOST. Unfortunately, the moron still lives.)
MR. POPO: Hmm. [Hmm/Mmm Counter: 6]
VEGETA: Then the boy and I will go first and save you two the trouble.
MOVE IT, BOY!
TRUNKS [quietly]: Help me...!
GOKU: Have fun, Trunks! You too, best buddy!
Huh! You know, you don't really seem like yourself today, Mr. Popo.
[Popo hallucinating, most likely from another gallon of LSD... or maybe...]
MR. POPO: Hmm. [Hmm/Mmm Counter: 7] [...he misses Kami :P]
REPORTER [on TV]: ...find a cabin in the woods, and if anyone comes knocking, make sure you let the right one in, or you'll be dead by dawn.
KRILLIN [sleepy]: Not today...! REPORTER [on TV]: ...find a cabin in the woods, and if anyone comes knocking, make sure you let the right one in, or you'll be dead by dawn.
NEWS ANCHOR: The death toll keeps rising as...
ANOTHER NEWS ANCHOR: ...the unknown creature continues its...
YET ANOTHER NEWS ANCHOR: ...terrifying siege across our nation!
PICCOLO: I GET IT, HE'S ABSORBING PEOPLE! I'M TRYING TO STOP IT!
KAMI: 'Maybe you should get some sleep like everyone else.'
PICCOLO: I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD!
17 [o-s]: I can help with that!
PICCOLO: Huh?!
WAKE UP!
KRILLIN: AHH!
Oh man! I had the craziest dream - Cell was there.
PICCOLO [o-s]: Well, the Androids are *here*!
17: Yo.
KRILLIN [o-s and scared as f*ck]: AAAHH!!
17 [o-s]: We're here for Goku.
PICCOLO: Son of a bitch!
16: Son Goku is not here.
17: Son of a bitch! [Geddit? ;)]
PICCOLO: You heard him: Goku's not here.
17: Oh, I heard him. We're just not very happy about it. Right, 16?
16: Son Goku... is not here!
17: Exactly! And we came all the way out here to kill *somebody*.
So, you've got one of two choices:
You can either tell us where Goku is, or, well...
PICCOLO: Or, what?
18: Or we kill you! Oh, my God!
KRILLIN: Hey, Eighteen! You... you come around here... often? [Speed dating, DBZA-style!] [If by speed dating you mean completely and utterly being akward as f*ck, then yes, speed dating.]
18: Nope!
KRILLIN: Hmm! [<sarcasm>Success!</sarcasm>]
MAS. ROSHI: Uh, excuse me Androids?
If you're gonna fight, could you please move it off the island? It's quite literally the only thing I own.
17: That's fine. But when I win, I'm blowing it up for funsies.
MAS. ROSHI: Hmm! [Hmm/Mmm Counter: 8
PICCOLO: Alright then, follow me. There's a series of uninhabited islands over there.
17: How do you know that?
PICCOLO: You three stay here. I'll handle this.
KRILLIN: Okay! I'll Spacebook you later!
YAMCHA: So, if he fails, we're all gonna die, right?
TENSHINHAN: Basically... and we have no Dragon Balls.
YAMCHA: Hope training's going well...
TRUNKS (shudders): Holy...! This place...
It's... nothing but a white void!
I can't see where it ends... or even where it begins!
It's... overwhelming! I need time... time to adjust, time to--
VEGETA [o-s]: TRAINING BEGINS NOW!
[Trunks gets rekt]
TRUNKS: AHH!
VEGETA: You weren't ready. [That was the most loving gesture to his son so far]
TRUNKS [o-s]: (Groans) [That was the most loving gesture to his son so far]
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫] [Grand Hmm/Mmm Total: 8]
DR. BRIEFS: Soon...
(Chuckling)