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[Disclaimer read by Semi-Perfect Cell]

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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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GOHAN: Aaah!

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Aaaaahh!!

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Aaaaaaahhh!!!

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Aaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

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GOKU: Good try, Gohan!

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But you can't just power up and become a Super Saiyan.
(Caulifla begs to differ)

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It comes from pure, raw, emotion.

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You know where *I* was when I became a Super Saiyan?

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GOHAN: Yes, you--

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GOKU: I was on Namek. I thought I'd
finally defeated Freezer with the Spirit Bomb.

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But as it turns out... he was *still alive*!

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GOHAN: Dad, I was ther--

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GOKU: He killed Vegeta,
[This already happened]

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and he killed Krillin,

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GOHAN: I saw everythi--

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GOKU: Piccolo...

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tripped or... something...

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It was pretty bad for everyone.

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Then, he threatened to do the same to MY SON!

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Oh hey, you were there!

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[Our quote/unquote HERO EVERYONE]

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Why didn't you go Super Saiyan?
[JOE BIDEN: 'Cause it was a "Big Fucking Deal" at the time.]

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GOHAN: (Sigh)

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Stop fisting me!

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VEGETA: Okay.

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SeP CELL: HURRHG!
Not all at once!

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[STOP THAT]

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Just... can I...

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have a minute...?

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VEGETA: Sure you can.

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SeP CELL: Well, thank you. That's apprecia--

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[👊 SHORYUKEN, BITCH! 👊]
D'AH-AAUGH...!

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VEGETA: C-C-C-COMBO!

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TRUNKS: (Sigh) [How is he going to get back up? Trunks can't swim.][He can f@cking fly remember]

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"ANDROID" 18: Wait, so I beat Vegeta...

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ANDROID 16 [off-screen]: Data not found.

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18: But now Vegeta is wrecking Cell...

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16 [o-s]: Data not found.

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18: Okay, do you have anything substantial to add to this?

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16: ...Do you?

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18: ...Data not found.
[Translation: Touché.]

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SeP CELL: Hurrrargh!

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VEGETA: Ya know, maybe if you'd actually TRAINED
instead of gorging yourself on a worthless species,

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your punches might actually hit a little closer to home.

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SeP CELL: (Cries of pain)

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SeP CELL: (Cries of pain)

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CELL'S ASS [as Imp. Cell]: Hahahaha, ah, this is an unfortunate turn of events.
[Why would that be a design choice?]

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VEGETA [genuinely disturbed]: Did you just... talk out your ass?

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SeP CELL: Well... to be fair, Vegeta,

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you are part of my DNA.

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[BURN]

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VEGETA: Oo, that is the closest thing you've
done to damage since I've gotten here.

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SeP CELL: Allow me to fix that...

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KRILLIN: Is that Cell or Vegeta?

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[Does that really matter Krillin?]

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Dun' matter; steering clear o' that.

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Except, if I were a bettin' boy, that's...

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...probably where the Androids are.

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Stealth Mode, don't fail me now.

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[Does it ever?]

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SeP CELL: There we are.

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Now,

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do you understand, Vegeta?

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VEGETA: What I understand is I'm about to pound
you so hard, the boy's mother is going to be jealous. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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TRUNKS: Oh, can we not?!

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VEGETA: But, if it makes you feel any better,
I'll give you one free shot.

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But I'm warning you,

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if you waste i--

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SeP CELL: UURGH!

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VEGETA: (Chuckling)

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*you're gonna regret it*...

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SeP CELL: ...How?

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Hooww?!

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How did you get this strong?!

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VEGETA: I trained *all* day yesterday.

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SeP CELL: Oh, you think you're being *cute*!

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VEGETA: Bitch, I'm adorable.  (Careful, Geets you don't wanna summon the supernatural fangirls do you.)

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SeP CELL: Fine!

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Then how about THIS?!

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GALICK GUN...

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VEGETA: Hohoho, and that's just precious...

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SeP CELL: FIRRRRE!!!

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TENSHINHAN: So we're *actually* rooting for Vegeta?

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PICCOLO: Let's be honest - we're rooting *against* Cell.

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[GO TEAM NOT CELL]

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TENSHINHAN: What do we do if he wins?

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PICCOLO: Which one?

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TENSHINHAN: Which one is worse?
[That's a little harsh...]

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BABY TRUNKS: (Making baby noises)
BULMA: Ya know, Vegeta might be...

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...*is* a total ass,

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but he's not *that* bad.
[Come again?]

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TENSHINHAN: Says the woman he left a single mother.
[Indeed.]

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BULMA: Please, I'm rich; it's hardly the same.

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PICCOLO: Really, him leaving was probably for the best.

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BABY TRUNKS: Wohhh...
BULMA: Wow! Really?!

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PICCOLO: What? Would you really trust Vegeta with a baby?

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BULMA: Well, not *my* baby...

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[Need we go on?]

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TENSHINHAN: And there you go.

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SeP CELL: '"Look at me, I'm Vegeta! I'm the Prince of all Saiyans!"

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'"And I both wear, and *am*, a unitar--"'

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VEGETA: You call THAT a Galick Gun?

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Dear God, get it together.

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SeP CELL: I WILL END YOU!

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VEGETA: You'll die trying.

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SeP CELL: (Screaming in D#)

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(Screaming in G)

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(Screaming in C)
[If you hit him hard enough, you can play a song]

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KRILLIN: 'Eesh... somehow I actually feel kinda bad for *Cell*...'

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[Krillin feeling sorry for his DNA folks]

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'Oh well, should probably start lookin' for the Androids.'

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'Aaand found 'em.'

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'Man, I am REALLY good at this...'

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[Stealth Mode]

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'Okay, Krillin...'

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'Mission...'

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'Mission... (Gulp)...'

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'Mission... (Gulp)... *Start*.'

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VEGETA: I know I kicked him into the water somewhere...

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Damn it, he's pulling a bald one on me and hiding his energy...

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[

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Urgh, if I were a disgusting bug-man, where would I--

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SeP CELL: SURPRISE!

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Looky what I caught!

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A walking, talking Napoleon complex.
[He's not wrong. :P]

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Huurgh...!

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VEGETA: And looky what I caught!

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SeP CELL: Oh no, *not again*!

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VEGETA: So, what do you do with this... *thing*?

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SeP CELL: I screw people!

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VEGETA: Were you trying to screw me?

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SeP CELL: N-n... no!

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(Cell's tail nods honestly)

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...Yes.

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(Groans in pain)

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Raarhhg--!

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VEGETA: You feel that?

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That's what honesty feels like.

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SeP CELL: This... this is all wrong...

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You can't be this strong!

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Nothing about this makes sense!

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VEGETA: Well if THAT'S wracking your brain, try drinking this in:

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It may pain me to say it, but the boy over there
is actually almost as strong as I am.

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Then again, unlike you,

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he's HALF me.

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[Wait did Vegeta just say something nice to Trunks?]

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SeP CELL: What?!

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VEGETA: 'Course the other half is his mother...

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I mean, look at that hair!

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TRUNKS: I--
VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT!

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VEGETA: YOU LOOK LIKE A FRUIT!

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TRUNKS: Y-you--

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VEGETA: And not like a homosexual,
I mean like a literal, walking fruit!

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...EGGPLANT

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Vegeta: DAMN IIIIIIIT!

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I want to be perfect!

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[Clearly we all know where he gets this from folks. Eeh Vegeta?]

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I wanna!

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I wanna, I wanna, I wanna--

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[muffled] I wanna-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa...

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VEGETA: Excellent, I've broken both your body *and* your spirit.

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Time to die.

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SeP CELL: If only you had showed up just a minute later...

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I would've had Eighteen...

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Then NOBODY could've stopped me!

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VEGETA: ...Oh really?

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[He wouldn't]
[He totally would]

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EGGPLANT: Nooo...

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SeP CELL: Vegeta...

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I would've destroyed you without a second thought...

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EGGPLANT: ...Nooo!

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[I think we all know what his answer is...]

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Idiot Prince: ...Go on.[Vegeta making Goku look smart.]

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EGGPLANT: NooooOOOO--!

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[DBZ intermission (post-commercial)]

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GOKU: Aaah...

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GOHAN: Aaah...

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You know, Dad,

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it's honestly been kinda nice training with you.

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GOKU: Right? I like training too.

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GOHAN: Hm...

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GOKU: But even though we're taking a nice, soothing bath,

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we can't hold back.

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We have to stay training at all times.

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Soooo...

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Splash attack!

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GOHAN: Hu-ha-ha-ha-ha...!

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Alright, then - here I go!

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[Laughing and splashing]

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GOKU [o-s]: Got you there!
[Laughing and splashing]

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[Laughing and splashing]

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KAME

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HAME

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GOHAN [o-s] Dad, no!

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Man Child [o-s]: No holding back!

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HAA!

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VEGETA: Hey, puny Earth-whelps!

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If you liked what you saw, be sure to show it
by clicking that like button down there.

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And if you wanna see MORE of my greatness,

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be sure to click the subscribe button to stay updated.

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And if you wanna see what it would be like if
I, the Prince of all Saiyans

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were to waste my precious training time
on some video games,

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then you should click that
Renegade for Life button right there.

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Or if you want to see something
ELSE video game-related,

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be sure to click the
Final Fantasy 7 Machinabridged button.

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Ha! Look at that Super Saiyan wannabe...

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Now if you'll excuse me,

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I need to figure out what that
big-lipped bug-man was going on about...

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{MLB}