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[Disclaimer read by Krillin's Crush]

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[WARNING: These subtitles contain added awesomeness.
If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]

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[Goku sings to the tune of "Giant Woman"]

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GOHAN: I'LL WRECK YOUR WHOLE WORL--

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GOKU: Hey, son!

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GOHAN: Uh, uhh...?

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Were you... watching me sleep?

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GOKU: Like a papa hawk.

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I don't wanna miss the MOMENT you go Super Saiyan.

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GOHAN: Wow! It's been nearly three months in here, and...
you still think I can do it?

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GOKU: Well, yeah!
If you don't, the whole world'll be doomed!

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[No pressure...]

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Or not...

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maybe I can handle it...

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so don't sweat it!

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And get some sleep, son!

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GOHAN: Uhh... yeah, okay...

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GOKU: ''Cause next episode...'

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'I'ma get you Super Saiyan.'

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[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]

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♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫

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♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫
(With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)

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♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫
(Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)

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♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫

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PICCOLO [off-screen]: Naw, see, I'm *definitely* going with Krillin.
Call it a safe bet, but I think his history speaks for itself.

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TENSHINHAN: You haven't known him as long as I have. Sure, he can be a little...

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(Sigh), well, he's a total bitch.
But when we really need him, he's always stepped up.

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Vegeta, on the other hand...

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BULMA: Hey, uh, what're you two talking about?

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PICCOLO: Aw, we're just making a bet to see who screws this up.
[Oooh, this is interesting...]

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TENSHINHAN: See - he's betting on Krillin, but I'm betting on Vegeta.

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BULMA: Ohhh... I'll get in on that action.
BABY TRUNKS: (Cooing)

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PICCOLO: Okay - Vegeta or Krillin?

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BABY TRUNKS: Baah...!
BULMA: Both.

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PICCOLO: *Wow*.

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TENSHINHAN: *Damn*!

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BULMA: Eh, please, I've been in this longer than the both of you.
[Since DB episode #1]

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Although, if I had to pick who's gonna screw up first...

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TRUNKS [o-s]: (Screaming from a distance)
THIS GUY WILL: 'Okay Krillin, pull yourself together.'

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'She's right over there...'

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'standing there like a...'

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'mechanical angel...'

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'and all I have to do is push this button and...'

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[Trunks' screaming fades out]
'watch her explode...!'

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'Everywhere.'

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'Little bit of blonde hair here...'

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'her blue eyes there...'

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'and then it's done!
I m--I mean, she probably won't even feel it!'

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'Or even know it happened - just her life... ended in an instant...'

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'by me...'

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'with no Dragon Balls to wish her back when Cell dies...'
[You have the Namekian Dragon Balls.]

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'D--Oh c'mon, Krillin! Be strong for one second in
your worthless life and push the stupid button!'

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'If you don't, everyone you know and love is going to die!'

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'INCLUDING HER!'

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'Oh...'

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TRUNKS [fades back in]: ...aaaaaaaaaaa!

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VEGETA: Quiet, boy!
TRUNKS [fades back in]: ...aaaaaaaaaaa--!

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TRUNKS: Hnnng!

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VEGETA: Now...

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VEGETA: Now... continue.

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SEMI-PERFECT CELL: Thank you.

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You see, my dear Prince--

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PRINCE: Don't push it.

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SeP CELL: Uh, you see, Vegeta,

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this is only my second form.
I am merely *semi*-perfect.

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HUMBLE AS FUCK: Wait, how can you be *semi*-perfect?
You're either *perfect* or you're *not* me; there's no gray area.

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SeP CELL: My point, is that this form was achieved
by absorbing my brother, Android 17...

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and the only way I may obtain *true* perfection...

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VEGETA: ...is to absorb the *bitch*.

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So in summation:
You get the Android, and I get a proper challenge.

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SeP CELL: Oh, I promise you Vegeta...
you're going to get everything that's coming to you.

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VEGETA: Ohoho, ominous!

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"ANDROID" 18: He wouldn't...!
Sixteen, he wouldn't, would he?!

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ANDROID 16: Wouldn't you?

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18: *No*!

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16: I'm sorry... what are we talking about again?

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KRILLIN [o-s]: Hey!
18: Huh?!

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'Whoa, it's the cute one.'
[Wait, the feeling's mutual? That's interesting.]

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'Was he hiding there?'
[Wait, the feeling's mutual? That's interesting.]

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'Wait, what's that on the grou--'

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Oh my God (!)

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KRILLIN: H... hi...!

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18: Uh, hey...

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KRILLIN: Look, I just...

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can I ask something of you?

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18: S-sure?

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KRILLIN: Un, g-g-gh-gh, *please* don't kill anyone!

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18: Wait, are you--

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16 [o-s]: NO DEAL!

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18: Sixteen!

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16: Son Goku is a person; therefore he is *part* of "anyone".

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*Therefore*: No. Deal.

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18: Sixteen, calm down, I will *get* you a Goku!
[Just borrow Trunks' time machine.]

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16: ...Do you promise?

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18: Yes!

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16: ...Proceed.

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18: Okay, now listen:
We weren't planning on killing anyone.

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16 [o-s]: Except Goku!

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18: We haven't even killed anyone thus far.
In fact, the only thing we want *dead* right now is *Cell*.

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16 [o-s]: Also Goku!

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KRILLIN: Oh.

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Thank God, that makes this so much easier!

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PICCOLO: HA!
And *you* owe me some zeni!

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TENSHINHAN: Oh *no*...!

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BULMA: Alright, what did Krillin do?
[Baby Trunks knows shit just went down XD]

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PICCOLO: He crushed the remote.

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TENSHINHAN: He did WHAT?!

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BULMA: That was twenty hours of my life; that DICK!

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PICCOLO: And possibly the rest of it if Vegeta follows suit.

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TENSHINHAN: I don't understand!
All he had to do was push the button and blow up the--

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...*the girl*.

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BULMA: Oh, that makes sense.

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PICCOLO: I don't get it.

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TENSHINHAN: He really did it...
he actually risked every life on the planet just for...

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for *cyber-sex*!

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[Wouldn't that technically require a USB port?]
I didn't Kikoho myself half to death so he could get laid!!

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PICCOLO: Oh...

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gross.

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18: Oh... oh wow...

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well, I mean, that was...

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really sweet and all, but...

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maybe you should've kept that around.

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KRILLIN: What? *Why*?

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SeP CELL: Vegeta, this is the only chance you're going to get.

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If she slips away now, you'll never get the
opportunity to fight me at my full potential.

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And let's be honest - do you really think *Goku*
can give you the challenge you deserve?
[Give it seven years.]

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VEGETA: Ya know, the funny thing is, I know you're playin' me...
[He's not the first, either]

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but you're right. She's all yours.

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SeP CELL: Oh-ho, thank you Vegeta!

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Trust me - great things are about to happen...

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PICCOLO: Oh no, god *damn* him!

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BULMA: Okay, now what did *Vegeta* do?

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PICCOLO: He's letting Cell absorb Eighteen!

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TENSHINHAN: Well, looks like nobody wins...

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BULMA: Well, I technically do.

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BABY TRUNKS: (Cooing)

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BULMA: ♪ You guys owe me zeeeniii~ ♪

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PICCOLO: CELL IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!

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BABY TRUNKS: (Crying)

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MR. POPO: Jeez, bring down the whole mood, why don't you?
BABY TRUNKS: (Crying)

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VEGETA: Make it snappy!
The boy's gotta be in bed by seven or he gets cranky.

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SeP CELL: Huh!

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TRUNKS: Yeah, so I'm gonna be the only voice
of reason here and say *absolutely not*!

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SeP CELL: Hurrgh!

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TRUNKS: Don't you get it?!
He's just been feeding you everything you wanna hear!

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He's playing you!
[Dude, he already knows.]

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SeP CELL: To be fair, I haven't lied since I got here.

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TRUNKS: You're not involved in this anymore!

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SeP CELL: I'm feeling pretty involved...

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VEGETA: *Boy*, don't make me come up there and be a parent!

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TRUNKS: First time for everything!
[Apparently the HTC sharpened his wit, too.]

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VEGETA: Ohoho!
[Daddy approves.]

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SeP CELL: WOW, Vegeta, are you just gonna stand there and take th--

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(Gasp)

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[Drooling in shock]

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TRUNKS: 'Huh? Why is he doing th--'

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'...oh...'

158
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'oh no...'

159
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[Cell's drooling fades out]
'wait, but there's Krillin! Does he have the--'

160
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'...no...!'

161
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'...no...! But,'

162
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'...no...! But, why?!'

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'...no...! But, why?! He...'

164
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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?!'

165
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[Cell still drooling]
'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But,'

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[Cell still drooling]
'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android!'

167
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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin...'

168
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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed'

169
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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!'

170
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[Cell drooling louder]
'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But...'

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[Cell drooling louder]
'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But... could turn...'

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[Cell drooling louder]
'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But... could turn... perfect!'

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[Cell drooling louder]
'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But... could turn... perfect! Crushed!'

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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But... could turn... perfect! Crushed! Why?!'

175
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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But... could turn... perfect! Crushed! Why?! Kril--?'

176
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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But... could turn... perfect! Crushed! Why?! Kril--? But...'

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'...no...! But, why?! He... why?! But, the Android! Krillin... crushed remote!
But... could turn... perfect! Crushed! Why?! Kril--? But... *twenty hours*!'

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[Noises Cell shouldn't be making]

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(ಠ_ಠ) 😠 *WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU*?!?! 😠 (ಠ_ಠ)

180
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KRILLIN: Oh hey, it's Trunks!

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SeP CELL: Hurrgh...!

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KRILLIN: AH!

183
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TRUNKS: I said absolutely NOT!

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SeP CELL: ARGH!

185
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'Huh, Vegeta was right.
He *is* almost as strong as--'

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AAUGH!

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VEGETA: Look, if this is about getting your own turn in,
just wait until I'm done with him!

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TRUNKS: Just ignore him.
[To Krillin] Krillin! Get the Androids out of here NOW!

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KRILLIN: Don't need to tell me twice! Or at all, actually...

190
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Let's go!

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18: Right! [To 16] Sixteen, let's move!

192
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16: But I just got comfortable...

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18: Sixteen!

194
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16: More importantly, Cell is only after you.
I will slow you down.

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Now go!

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18: Fine, but I'm coming back for you!

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KRILLIN: You're doing a brave thing.

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16: As are you.

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You are way out of your league, tiny duck.

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TINY DUCK: So hey, I know this isn't the best time,
but um-er-uh, are you seeing anyone right now?

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{BOOM}

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KRILLIN: ERGH!
18: ARGH!

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SeP CELL: She *is*.

204
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TRUNKS: There you are!

205
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,300
SeP CELL: Vegetaaa~! Trunks is picking on meee~!

206
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DADDY [o-s]: Learn to share, brat!

207
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DADDY [o-s]: Learn to share, brat!
BRAT: Huh?

208
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D'AAGH! AUGH! Ah-hah!

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SeP CELL: That's better.

210
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Now, Eighteen... I'm not sure I like you hanging around with other men.

211
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:08,460
Or in this case... half of one.

212
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KRILLIN: Oh-yeah-no-the-short-joke-yeah-sure-fine...

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16 [o-s]: How about you leave the girl alone?

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SERIAL RAPIST: C'mon Sixteen, don't be so jealous.
This is meant to be, and she knows it.

215
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Just look at what she's wearing!
She's practically *asking* to be absorbed!

216
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KRILLIN: Okay, that line has been *crossed*.
You wanna go, big guy?!

217
00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:30,540
LET'S GO--!

218
00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:31,040
AAGH!

219
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:31,540
{DING}
[LOL]

220
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:33,800
SeP CELL [sarcastic]: Oh no, who would've seen that coming? :P

221
00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:34,540
Anyway--

222
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:36,240
...Really?

223
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,680
Oh, you precious little cinnamon bun! Never change!

224
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,140
16: B'AAGH!

225
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,200
18: Haah!

226
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,440
SeP CELL: 'A one-y and a two-ey and a
you-know-what-to-do-ey!'

227
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:46,080
18: AAGH!

228
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:53,540
TRUNKS: That is IT!
I am stopping this now!

229
00:09:53,540 --> 00:09:54,600
VEGETA: Oh?! What're you doin'?!

230
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,520
TRUNKS: What am I doing?!

231
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:56,460
VEGETA: Thwartin' ma plans?!

232
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:57,380
TRUNKS: Thwarting your plans?!

233
00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:58,360
VEGETA: *Are you*?!

234
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,880
TRUNKS: ...You know what?!

235
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:01,680
*YES*!!

236
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:05,200
VEGETA: SSPLAAAARRRGGHH...!!!

237
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:06,700
{KLING}

238
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:08,860
KRILLIN: 'Oh, God...'

239
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:11,600
'If I had a nose, I'm pretty sure it'd be broken.'
[Chances are some of you never noticed the lack of one...]

240
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:12,500
(Gasp)

241
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:13,660
Oh no...!

242
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:16,520
You leave her alone or I SWEAR I'LL--

243
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,980
16: No, little duckling! It is not your time!

244
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:25,620
[Cell humming his own theme song]

245
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:33,660
[Evil laughter]

246
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:34,620
TRUNKS: FUTURE KICK!

247
00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:35,120
SeP CELL: What?

248
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:35,840
D'ooargh!

249
00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:39,260
TRUNKS: Blow yourself up or leave! I don't care which!

250
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,400
18: Yeah, okay...!

251
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:42,260
SeP CELL: (Grunting)

252
00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:45,580
I hope you know, this means wa--

253
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:48,020
wahglbrrlgbllgngrnbglrbglgrl!
[Yeah, safe to say he's well aware... ;)]

254
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:49,920
Where is Vegeta...?

255
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:50,900
TRUNKS: Duh!
SeP CELL: Ur-urgh...!

256
00:10:51,260 --> 00:10:52,960
18: C'mon Sixteen, *move it*!

257
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,180
16: Why.

258
00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:55,520
16: Why. Are You.

259
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:56,720
16: Why. Are You. Still Here?!

260
00:10:56,720 --> 00:11:00,140
18: It's like Seventeen said, remember? The Three Amigos?

261
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,480
Well, I guess more like... Dos Compadres, now...

262
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,140
KRILLIN: Here, uh, allow me.

263
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:07,680
I might not be good for much but, I can lift.

264
00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:09,660
18: 'If we make it through this,'

265
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,920
'I am going to ROCK his four-foot world.'

266
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:16,780
VEGETA: Huh.

267
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,280
This is a new feeling.

268
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,420
Pride in someone else.

269
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,920
Unfortunately, it's overshadowed by all this

270
00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:26,780
UNYIELDING RAGE!!!

271
00:11:28,060 --> 00:11:31,320
SeP CELL: ...glbrrlgbllgngrnbglrbglgrl!

272
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,080
BLAGH!

273
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,900
'Okay, THIS obviously isn't working!'

274
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:36,680
'Waaiitt...'

275
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,540
'Tenshinhan got me into this.'

276
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,380
'And now...'

277
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:44,040
'he's going to get me *out*.'

278
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,580
TRUNKS: H-hey!

279
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:53,000
SeP CELL: I've been so close for so long, and I can't take it anymore!

280
00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:54,640
EIGHTEEN!

281
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,080
I'm *coming*!
[Up *there*?!]

282
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,620
VEGETA: (Growling)

283
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,580
SeP CELL: SOLAAR FLAAARE!

284
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:02,080
[⚤]
[Nappa would be delighted]
SeP CELL: SOLAAR FLAAARE!

285
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,300
TRUNKS: Ah, ahh-ha-ha...

286
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:04,760
VEGETA: 'AH, MY RAGE HAS BLINDED ME!'

287
00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:07,060
[16, 18 and Krillin groan]

288
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,720
TRUNKS: (Still groaning)
SeP CELL: Now... for the climax.

289
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,700
KRILLIN: I won't let him touch you.
Just stay behind m--

290
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:14,620
{DING}
AH-HA-HA!

291
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,220
18: SIXTEEN!

292
00:12:24,540 --> 00:12:25,240
16: ...*Yes*?

293
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,340
18: Look after the little guy...

294
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,060
16: Confirmed!

295
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,100
[18 screaming]

296
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:41,100
[Choral music]
SeP CELL: (Growling)

297
00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:45,620
TRUNKS: '*No*!'

298
00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:46,300
16: 'No!'
TRUNKS: '*No*!'

299
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:47,080
KRILLIN: 'NO!'
16: 'No!'
TRUNKS: '*No*!'

300
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,000
VEGETA: 'YEEEESSSS!' (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
KRILLIN: 'NO!'
16: 'No!'
TRUNKS: '*No*!'

301
00:12:56,420 --> 00:13:00,820
BULMA: Hey, so, I can't sense power levels, but I can feel *that*.

302
00:13:00,820 --> 00:13:02,220
Does that mean anything?

303
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:03,480
PICCOLO: *We're f**ked*.

304
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:20,500
[Orchestral theme]

305
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:38,600
PERFECT CELL (now with a refined voice): [Singing ⬇]
♫ "P" is for "Priceless", the look upon your faces ♫

306
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:42,660
♫ "E" is for "Extinction", all your puny races ♫

307
00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:46,780
♫ "R" for "Revolution", which will be televised ♫

308
00:13:46,780 --> 00:13:52,460
♫ "F" is for how F**ked you are, now allow me to reprise~ ♫
[What a lovely singing voice.]

309
00:13:52,820 --> 00:13:56,680
♫ "E" is for "Eccentric", just listen to my song ♫

310
00:13:56,680 --> 00:14:00,640
♫ "C" is for "Completion", that I've awaited for so long! ♫

311
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:04,640
♫ "T" is for the "Terror", upon you I'll bestow... ♫

312
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,860
(Chuckling)

313
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:07,960
My name is Perfect Cell.

314
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,280
My name is Perfect Cell.
And I'd like to say...

315
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,260
My name is Perfect Cell.
And I'd like to say... *Hello*.

316
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:25,800
18: We haven't even killed anyone thus far.
In fact, the only thing we want *dead* right now is *Cell*.

317
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,040
16 [o-s]: Also Goku!

318
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:27,940
KRILLIN: Oh.

319
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,460
Thank God, that makes this so much easier!

320
00:14:30,460 --> 00:14:30,960
{BEEP BEEP}

321
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:31,580
18: Huh?
{DOOM}

322
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:32,080
KRILLIN: AAH!

323
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,220
TRUNKS: Well, it looks like my father just killed us all!

324
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:43,220
Make sure to catch what's coming to him by hitting the subscribe button, so you can follow the REST of our ever-shortening lives...

325
00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:47,740
If you're in the mood for something else Dragon Ball-related,
click the Legacy of Goku button right there.

326
00:14:47,740 --> 00:14:54,100
Or, check out our latest new series, Final Fantasy 7 Machinabridged,
that's celebrating its first season finale.

327
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:59,960
And while we're still alive, I'd like to give thanks to all the
patrons of the Team Four Star patreon campaign.

328
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:04,800
Apparently, it's made everything much easier for them to work on,
and for that, they thank you.

329
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:11,980
If you'd like to check out the campaign yourself,
feel free to click the patreon button or head to patreon.com/TFS

330
00:15:11,980 --> 00:15:15,360
Have a happy New Year, folks. It may be the last one...

331
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,380
{MLB}