[Disclaimer read by Our Savior]
[WARNING: These subtitles contain added commentary by the Team Four Star Community! If you want the clean captions, please select the English option. Ta-ta~]
MISTER PERFECT CELL: I'm making an *announcement*!
MR. SATAN: I'm gonna squash you...
MR. SATAN: I'm gonna squash you... like the bug.
MR. SATAN: I'm gonna squash you... like the bug. You.
MR. SATAN: I'm gonna squash you... like the bug. You. Are.
CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: ...to decide it all.
MR. PER. CELL [distant]: Are you filming up there?
[ RIP Jimmy, squashed like the Human he was ]
CA: Join us as it all comes together...
AT THE #CELLGAMES! ONLY ON ZTV! [TRENDIT]
With your boi, Jimmy Firecracker, reporting live on-site, [#cellgames YES, NEW EPISODE, SO MUCH HYPE]
as the mighty Mister Satan takes on the Sinister Cell, [Finally the #CellGames begins ... We're all gonna die!]
in a no-holds-barred fight for the fate of the world! [Forgot to hashtag who the sponsor is! #CellGames #SponsoredByHetap]
Will it be humanity's last stand?! [Nope] Or will the devil get his due?! [Guess we'll just have to see #CellGames]
Find out this Sunday at the Cell Games! [I guess Saitama still stuck shopping? #CellGames] ( Don't we all wish Saitama could take on Goku, too bad the memes are dreams)
Find out this Sunday at the Cell Games! "Presented by HETAP". [Holy shit! #CellGames]
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
[ KRILLIN USE TINY-DUCK JUTSU!]
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫ [Spoiler Warning!]
[ Gohan: TRIGGEEEEEEERED]
[hai]
GOKU: ♫ Got my wristbands on and my boots are tied ♫ [Goku is a pretty good singer]
♫ Gonna get my friends and fight a bug guy ♫ [For a fighter at least]
♫ Doo, doo-doo, today is Fightin' Day ♫
CHI-CHI: Goku! [THE MONSTER HAS ARRIVED]
GOKU: Hey, Chi-Chi! You comin' with?
CHI-CHI: What? No! I... (I swear to god Goku)
Ughh... look... (..and I married him... should've gone for Yamcha. Wait what? No.)
*You* already died once.
*I* can take that. (I would love that)
I can make *peace* with that. (Definitely make peace with that)
You're a fighter; and to be honest... it's why I fell in love with you. (Which everyday I'm starting to regret) [Nah, it was 'cuz the Idiot Hero kicked your crotch]
But Gohan?
*Not* Gohan... [ why not, I mean, Dragon Balls and Got- sh** did I spoil it?]
Not our baby boy. (I'm warning you Goku)
GOKU: Chi-Chi, come on, don't be like that!
CHI-CHI: Goku~...
GOKU: If Gohan dies, that means the world's doomed anyway - so, what will it matter? [Gee Goku, way to be supportive] (Have your Balls ready New Namek, I MEAN DRAGON BALLS, GOD pervs)
[Wow, really Goku?] [To be fair, he does have a point.]
OK, for the record, we know that I'm not great at this... [Goku, start running]
but you know what I'm *good* at? [Not being a father, that's for sure]
CHI-CHI: Leaving? [OHHH]
GOKU: *Fighting*~! [And letting Freeza get to his full potential] [and eating]
[Instant Transmission: The only way to flee from your Hot Asian Wife]
CHI-CHI: Agghhh... [Instant Transmission: The only way to flee from your Hot Asian Wife]
OX-KING: Maybe I'll get lucky and Cell and him will just kill each other.
CHI-CHI: *Daddy*! [XD] [ooh~]
OX-KING: Sweetie, I can only afford to support *two* Saiyan mouths*, and you've got a bun in the oven. [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
[Here we go]
ALL OTHERS: Huh? GOKU: Hey, guys! Ha ha!
Y'all ready for the... for-- for the... tournament...?
Wow, did someone die? [Way to lighten the possible mood]
Oh gosh, where's Yamcha?! [Yamcha got killed without dying] [Goku with his finger on the show's pulse.]
KRILLIN: Nobody's dead! [Except some of the people that tried to fight Cell before the game.] ( And the pupils, Hercules Pupils)
PICCOLO: *Yet*.
GOKU: Then why are you all so glum, chums? [Goku. Do not. Say that. Again.] (say chums without the h ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )
Come on! Today is Fightin' Day!
KRILLIN: Goku, last time I fought Cell, he basically Tambourin'ed me. [Nah, it was Freeza who did that. Or was it Dr. Gero?] [No, it was Raditz. Poor little Raditz.] [Let's just say it was everyone and call it a day.]
PICCOLO: And he's gone through two transformations since we fought, so...
still trying to come to terms on that one, really. [TFW you realize Piccolo is the strongest non-Saiyan Z-Fighter]
KRILLIN: Long story short: We're basically just going for moral support. [Not like this is new]
GOKU: Oh, I know. But I'm just so excited, guys!
I finally get to *punch him*! [And maybe a little bit more...]
Right in his handsome face! [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]
PICCOLO: *Why* do you keep calling him "handsome"? [We all know you think the same thing Piccolo, why else were you fantasizing about him in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
GOKU: Because that jawline don't lie and neither do I! [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)] [Once again, Goku's got a point.]
Now let's go! I don't want nobody gettin' a swing at Cell before me! [Swing and a miss.]
KRILLIN: Ah, sure. Like anyone else would be *dumb* enough to show up... [Oh, if you only knew.]
JIMMY: Jimmy Firecracker here, live from the Cell Games, presented by HETAP! [Here's someone who's dumb enough.] ( Aren't Firecrackers supposed to blow up? WHY ISN'T HE DEAD?)
Because apparently nobody else would take this job. [I wonder why..]
But don't worry about me. [We weren't.]
Because Jimmy Firecrack corn and he don't give a f**k!
He'll take any job!
He'll take every job!
He'll take YER job! [he tuk mhjeb]
And speaking of jobs... [Pretty sure we're all looking for one job ;D]
nobody else is here yet. [Who in their right minds would?]
Will Jimmy Firecracker have to get in that ring?
Does Jimmy Firecracker gotta come down there *and SLAP that perfect jawline*?! [Ah. you have a kink for death wishes]
It looks like Cell is saved the wrath of Jimmy Firecracker (true champ) as his first opponent has arrived.
I'm receiving words that This. Is. Him, Folks!
I'm receiving words that This. Is. Him, folks! The Man!
I'm receiving words that This. Is. Him, folks! The Man! The Legend!
The Winner Of The 24th World Martial Arts Tournament! [THE SAVIOR HAS COME]
MISTERR
MISTERR SATANNNN! (Hail Satan) [If nobody knew any better, Hercule would be pretty intimidating!]
MR. PER. CELL: Maybe shouldn't have made this an open invite... [You see this, folks? This is the face of regret.]
JIMMY: The Champ has stepped up into the ring! [But you're still on the hill]
Better update that TV-PG to TV-MA, 'cuz you're about to see a *full-blown-massacre*! [Viewer discretion is advised]
Wait, what's this? [Mr. Satan's trying to look cool and failing miserably, that's what]
The Champ is calling us down! [Yes, stand closer to the super-powered bug man]
Come on, Larry! What do I always say?!
LARRY: Where there's smoke, there's Firecracker, sir! [Get this man an Oscar] [There is also death and destruction]
JIMMY [off-screen]: Yer
JIMMY [off-screen]: Yer god
JIMMY [off-screen]: Yer goddamn
JIMMY [off-screen]: Yer goddamn right!
Mr. Satan, sir!
What do you have to say to your adoring public?
[Mr Satan:I. Have. A. Hot. Asian. Wife]
MR. SATAN: First, to all the kids at home:
*Do not* recreate the violence you are about to see. [Yeah, you'd need a nearby mountain and a mop for that.]
[Crowd cheers]
Unless you buy the new *Mr. Satan Action Figure!* [So homicidal minors are acceptable then?]
[Crowd cheers] On sale now, in stores everywhere! [With a low price of Ƶ299.99]
JIMMY: And why, Mr. Satan, have you come here today?
MR. SATAN: Well, aside from being sponsored by HETAP,
[Crowd cheers] MR. SATAN NEVER BACKS DOWN FROM A CHALLENGE! [Don't you mean always?]
[Crowd cheers] [I would kill for a HETAP] [I'll kill you for that HETAP][ ILL KILL YOU ALL FOR THAT HETAP]
[Crowd cheers] MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil!
MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile!
MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched!
MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched! Contemptible!
[Crowd cheers] MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched! Contemptible! Wicked! [5]
[Crowd cheers] MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched! Contemptible! Wicked! Monstrous! [6]
MR. PER. CELL: *Definitely* shouldn't have made this an open invite... MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched! Contemptible! Wicked! Monstrous! Inhuman! [7]
MR. PER. CELL: *Definitely* shouldn't have made this an open invite... MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched! Contemptible! Wicked! Monstrous! Inhuman! Dishonorable! [8]
MR. SATAN: Not when it comes to evil! Vile! Wretched! Contemptible! Wicked! Monstrous! Inhuman! Dishonorable! Nefarious...! [9]
GOHAN: Oh, hey! It's Tenshinhan and Yamcha! [You mean Tenshinhan and Jesus' Incarnate?]
GOKU: Hiya, guys? How ya doin'?
TENSHINHAN: Just heading towards the arena.
Vegeta passed us earlier; flipped us off. So that was a good way to start the morning.
JESUS' INCARNATE: Yeah, but we totally flipped him off back.
TENSHINHAN: *I* flipped him off back. You just waved and laughed nervously.
JESUS' INCARNATE: Look, I don't have your mutually-sustained hate-boner for the guy, OK? [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
TENSHINHAN: I don't have a *hate-boner* for him. [Yeah you do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]
JESUS' INCARNATE: Dude, it's a pretty hateful boner. [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
MR. SATAN: ...Baneful! [8,999]
MR. SATAN: ...Baneful! Iniquitous! [9,000] [Scouter explodes] [Not yet, at 9,001 >:/]
MR. SATAN: ...Baneful! Iniquitous! Execrable...! [9,001] (Over 9000 on the scale?) [Probably a dubbing error.] [NOW IT EXPLODES]
MR. SATAN: ...Baneful! Iniquitous! Execrable...! *Villain*
MR. SATAN: ...Baneful! Iniquitous! Execrable...! *Villain like*
MR. SATAN: ...Baneful! Iniquitous! Execrable...! *Villain like you*!
[Crowd cheers] [Has it been 20 hours already?] [I think I left my oven on.]
Now... [No, only 5 minutes]
what d'ya haf'ta say ta THAT?! (WHEN?! I MEAN HOW?!)
(Oh.. why do I have to deal with this today...) [MPC is non-plussed. as well as reconsidering the conditions of the #CellGames]
Oh, what's the matter? Satan gotcha tongue? [not gonna question how Satanic that sounds]
MR. PER. CELL: Are you sure about this? (honest question)
MR. SATAN: Speak up, bug-boy!
PER. CELL: You look like an extra from a budget porno flick. [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) OOOOH] [Well, he's not wrong] [And he's being honest]
The kind where *everyone* gets tested afterwards. [Still not wrong.]
Even the cameraman. [Gross, but still not wrong.]
"PORNO FLICK EXTRA": Oh... um, you're-- [That hit close to home.]
MR. PER. CELL: Did they find you in the subway? Were you homeless? [Memories flood back to Mr. Satan.]
Did you get your start in bum fights? [Is Cell psychic?]
HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA":This is getting oddly personal... [You know it!]
MR. PER. CELL: Do you have any actual friends?
Any relationships at all that aren't about your money or your position? [Honest question)
MR. MARK HERCULE" SATAN A.K.A. HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: ...I have a daughter.
MR. PER. CELL: Ohh, that poor orphan [... Ouch]
MR. MARK HERCULE" SATAN A.K.A. HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: C-- can we cut to commercial? ಠ_ಠ [I think some nerves got struck.]
[Oh thank you Vegeta for saving us from that awkward mess of an introduction.]
[YES. VEGETA. COMEDY. NOW.]
JIMMY: Another man has just touched down at the arena! [litterally]
Uh-uh-sir! Are you looking to take on the terrifying Perfect Cell? [This guy should be dead. Like. Right now.]
VEGETA: Get that mic out of my face before I give you a colonoscopy with your camera. (ง'̀-'́)ง [Vegeta as equally non-plussed right now.]
JIMMY: Message received, violent stranger! [ you mean, violent savior?] [SHITSHITSHITSHIT]
MR. PER. CELL: Answer the question, Prince!
Do you plan to take me on? (♪Take on me.♪)
Because I'm ready to throw down when you are, buddy! [So he's your buddy now?]
Come on, let's toss you through a mountain or five for old times' sake.
[If looks could kill.]
...The old "silent treatment", is it?
Don't tell me you came all the way out here just to stand around and look mean~! (Chuckles)
MR. PER. CELL: Ohhh~, I see! You took my advice~!
VEGETA: (Growling) MR. PER. CELL: Ohhh~, I see! You took my advice~!
You're waiting for...
ANDROID 16 [o-s]: Goku! [Is the "Goku"-button broken?]
MR. PER. CELL: Hm? Is the "Goku"-button broken?]
My dear Android 16!
How *wonderful* for you to join us today!
Are you here for--
16: Goku!
MR. PER. CELL: Of course; your little murder-crush. [It's a pretty hateful murder-crush]
JIMMY: And another mysterious stranger has appeared from thin air! [You could even call it a 'hate boner'( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
Where do these people keep coming from? [The real question: Does 16 have a d*ck?]
And who does their hair?! [Krillin. Bulma. Dr. Briefs]
MR. SATAN: Obviously they're just hidin' behind rocks, waitin' to make their dramatic entrances,
and usin' cranes and wires to make it look like they're flyin'. [How's that tinfoil hat feel?]
Similar to the practical effects we used in
[Crowd cheers] Skygina II: Mr. Satan Vs Doctor Boy-Man!
[Crowd cheers] In theaters Friday! [Is there going to be a Friday?]
MR. PER. CELL: Will you be participating in the Games as well, Sixteen?
Or are you just going to sit on the sidelines like the Prince over here?
VEGETA: Hmm. Or are you just going to sit on the sidelines like the Prince over here?
16: GOKU! [Say his name three times and he shall appear.]
MR. PER. CELL: OK, are you seriously just gonna say his name over and over? [Say his name three times and he shall appear.]
16: HE IS HERE! [16 moves the plot forward like no other]
MR. PER. CELL: Hm?
[DRAMATIC FEET ENTRY]
[WHY, did Vegeta's feet appear? w8 that was Trunks, sh*t]
And our roster is complete. [Not until we get Waluigi!]
I hope this day finds you well, Son Goku.
GOKU: Slept a little weird on my arm, but, yeah.
MR. PER. CELL: I see you've brought the whole gang along to witness our battle.
Piccolo,
Piccolo, Trunks... [That's princess Trunks to you]
Piccolo, Trunks... [Wait where'd his shirt go?]
Piccolo, Trunks...*Tenshinhan*.
TENSHINHAN: Ki-ko-how ya doing? (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ [THE DISRESPECT]
MR. PER. CELL: *Perfect*. (He's first on my shit list.)
And Yamcha! What a surprise! How's it going, man? [THANK GOD WE HAVE YAMCHA]
YAMCHA: Oh, uh, good...
I brought towels and water bottles.
MR. PER. CELL: And like that, you've already contributed more than Vegeta. [Anyone else smell smoke?] {Probably the nicest anybody has been to Yamcha}
16 [o-s]: Hello, little duckling.
Little Duckling.: He-hey, Sixteen! Looks like they fixed up your dome real nice, huh buddy?
16: Indeed. I am now operating at 100% efficiency. [So he basically said "yes" twice"]
And for some reason, register 10 kilograms lighter. [Oh the foreshadowing]
KRILLIN: Good on ya, buddy! Ya look great!
GOKU: Oh, hi! I'm Son Goku! Who are you?
[♫ I Have Waited So Long ♫]
Huh?
16: ♫ I have waited oh so long ♫
[creepy but ok
♫ Please don't tell me baby ♫
♫ I was wrong ♫
♫ Dreaming of you every night ♫
♫ Holding back until the time was right ♫
♫ I've counted the days ♫
[Music cuts-off] (Damn, I was getting into that.)
[Don't worry. TFS will bring out the whole music cover. Hopefully.]
GOKU: ...This guy's *intense*. [That singing was absolutely *PERFECT*]
MR. SATAN: Yeah, uh, I get paid for every second I'm on camera, so if we could just--
JIMMY: Excuse me, sir? Are you or any of your freakish-looking friends participating in the tournament today?
GOKU: Oh yeah! I'ma go punch that Cell a lot!
In fact, if you don't mind, I'ma gun go do that right now!
MR. SATAN: *OK, enough*!
JIMMY: Aah!
[You survived a shove from Our Savior, you are the CHOSEN ONE]
F**k! [You survived a shove from Our Savior, you are the CHOSEN ONE]
MR. SATAN: I am not playing second-fiddle to a buncha gym rats with too much time on their hands!
*I* am the World Martial Arts Champion, and *I* will be the one to defeat Cell!
GOKU: (Gasp!)
There was a tournament? [Yep you missed it]
You won a tournament?! [Satan's face. Does nobody remember Goku was a champion too?]
*I* WON A TOURNAMENT! [You two have so much in common!]
That means he's even stronger than Krillin! [Add another to the list.]
KRILLIN: Wait, hold u-- uh, why me specifically?! [You're the one with the "Krillin Owned Count" :P] {It's also more of a feat than being stronger than Yamcha}
GOKU: Dang it, and I really wanted a turn!
Oh well. I guess we'll just have to let *The Champ* handle it.
PICCOLO: Are you for real right now? [Yes. He is.]
GOKU: Yeah - he's The Champ! He's got this.
PICCOLO [To the audience]: I can't tell if he's serious - and that's very concerning.
MR. MARK HERCULE" SATAN A.K.A. HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: Good! Now that we have rank all sorted out,
I think it's about time I teach Cell where he falls:
Specifically at my feet! [Sounds kinky]
When I, MR. SATAN [A.K.A. HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS], end this little freak-show, once and for--
PIIZA [through speakers]: Hope y'all ready to get down and dirty with the three hottest stars from the Y Network! [Sounds kinky enough ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
JIMMY: What's this? New challengers from the bitter rivals of ZTV?!
HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: Like we don't got enough knuckleheads hogging mah spotlight! {Their network doesn't even promote hetap}
PIIZA [ts]: Coming to you live from the Cell Games Arena, it's Piiza!
PIROSHIKI [ts]: Piroshiki!
CARONI [ts]: And Caroni!
And we are--
[DEAD] [YES!!!]
[Look! I can see their parachutes! They're okay!]
[It looks more like an arm...]
[Thank you, Cell. Sincerely, the entire DBZ fandom.]
JIMMY: ...Di-- [That one's gotta hurt]
...Did those people just die?
HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: Pfft! Don't be an idiot, Jimmy.
Obviously that was just an unmanned remote-controlled cargo robot with a voice-recordi-- [This f**king idiot.]
[THAT REAL ENOUGH FOR YA', CHAMP?]
...and filled with fake cadavers for added effect! [This f**king idiot x2.]
I'll give 'em points for effort, tho. {and I give you points for foolishness}
JIMMY: Mr. Satan ain't *no one's* fool! [You wait and see.]
GOKU: Go Champ! [I SWEAR TO MOTHERF**KING DENDE]
HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: Grrrrrh! [That has to hurt.] [It's Satan. He wasn't using it.]
KRILLIN: If we're lucky, it'll be that quick with this Satan guy, uh?
GOHAN: Krillin, people are dying and we're just watching. [Fantastic summary of the series so far.]
KRILLIN: Yup! (Finally, not me!)
HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: Now, Cell... if that is your real name...
MR. PER. CELL: It's actually *Perfect* Cell-- (Mister Perfect Cell if you're being informal--)
HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS: IT'S ACTUALLY "GARBAGE"! [Roasted]
And Mr. Satan's gonna take out the trash.
GARBAGE: Wait, you were serious?! You're actually gonna *fight*? (Genuine shock)
I thought you were just somebody's hype man.
THE HYPE: I AM THE HYPE!
[ooooh]
[oh sh*t]
VEGETA: KILL HIM! [For stealing your line?] [Who are you cheering for exactly] [Only Vegeta can be the hype!]
HOMELESS "PORNO FLICK EXTRA" THAT HAS NO FRIENDS THAT WANTS TO BE THE HYPE: Now try to get this on camera, Gary! [And grab an umbrella...]
Gary [o-s]: L-- Larry. [..lots of flying debris in trainwrecks.]: 'Cus I'm gonna end this in a single blow, and it's gonna be [Saitama isn't gonna like this.]
*faster than light*!
SATAN...
SATAN... PUUUU--! [Hmm.... Yep.]
*Splat*
[Is he dead?]
[Aren't there paramedics]
[What kind of tournament DOESN'T have paramedics]
{Prolly this one since it was set up by a being bent on destroying the Earth}
[Ok, someone really needs to check his pulse]
BYSTANDER: ...WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!! [Seriously though, even Stevie Wonder saw that coming]
[DBZ intermission] [Cue "It's The End of the World As We Know It"]
[♫ I Have Waited So Long ♫]
[Fade-out] [♫ I Have Waited So Long ♫]
16: Hello,mynameisSixteen,mayIpleasekillyou?
GOKU: [To Krillin] Hold on. [To 16] What'cha say?
16: ...Nothing. [Now THAT'S a hate boner if I ever saw one.]
♫ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ♫
Hey folks! KaiserNeko here!
Make sure to check out our gaming channel as well as our post-release stream at 6PM Central at twitch.tv/streamfourstar. Link in the description.
Also, make sure to check out all the "Cell Vs" videos leading up to this episode,
plus our two new shirts at sharkrobot.com: "All Hail Princess Trunks" and Satan's "I Am The Hype."
Link in the description and I'll see you next episode! (Canadan captions presented in-part by Kazood & Piano and the Team Four Star Community.) (Put name here if edited : The Banana Overlord, )