(Disclaimer read by Larry the Lousy Martial Artist) (Who is still better than Mr. Satan) {Stronger than Mr. Satan anyways}
Welcome to canadian subtitles, these have added awesomeness added to them for your convenience.
[Please try to keep the added subtitles clean.] [Seperate each subtitle so it's not all bunched up. Also, try not to add too many subtitles to one line. I'm sure no one wants to pause the video every 10 seconds in order to read everything.]
(Enjoy the show.!) (Please do Theres a long hiatus comin.)
(Mysterious tune) [is that zelda ?] {yep}
(EXTREME CLOSE-UP)
SUPER KAMI DENDE: (Annoyed) I CAN'T SEE SHIT!! (cause your eyes are closed you dumbass)
SUPREME GOD OF DESTRUCTION POPO: I told you before, you have to- (Know the Pecking Order?)
SPK DENDE: Clear my mind of all other thoughts! (Sounds like some Obi-wan type shit)
Yeah, PRIMO advice. [DON'T MOCK LORD POPO LITTLE GREEN!] (DON'T FORGET THE PECKING ORDER!)
Might as well ask me to herd STARG-KNOTHS... (What?)
THE BLACK DEVIL: I'm going to assume those are similar to cats? (Why would you assume that?) [Cause he's Popo]
SPK Dende: Oh no, they EAT cats... [as long as they don't eat pussycats, I'm fine with them] {w-what?}
....exclusively. [Ths could be taken out of context, but nah]
ME-DAMMIT, I WANNA WATCH THE STUPID FIGHT!! [Idk if you have heard of this invention but it is called a TV which everyone else is using to watch the fight]
ZENO'D: Tell me.
What thoughts are clouding your mind? (i think we ALL know the answer to that question) [wink wink]
DENDE'S PERVERTED THOUGHTS: *sleazy piano music* Hey Dende! Could you put this lotion on my back and/or butt? (SEE?! I KNEW IT) [I ship it] {I don't...}
SPK DENDE: Mmm... God Stuff. (Uh-huh... sure... "God stuff..." let's go with that.) [Gohan's ass transcends asexuality confirmed]
POPO: (Clearly not convinced.) Well, worry not. All we really need is a little green. [O SNAP]
LITTLE GREEN: I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT. [Pecking order, Dende. Pecking order~.]
DRUG DEALER: I'm not~. (Can I get some of that?) {me too!} [me three!]
JAMAICAN: ..... Yo~ (How does he know what weed is but doesn't know what a dog is) [It's green, he is probably related to it] [Do not XD, 500$ penalty]
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
(Satisfied sound brought to you by Hetap. #Cellgames) [Man, I'd kill for a Hetap]
(Let's just enjoy this fight) {Yeah Dont let the fact that if they lose, the world will blow up and Cell will destroy everything in his path with no one able to stop him}
[That foot work tho]
[I almost forgot Goku was a good martial artist] (That's cause the man acts like an idiot more often than he fights.)
(Boom, right in the jawline)
DADDY-JIMMY FIRECRACK-CORN-AND-HE-DON'T-GIVE-A-F*CK: MY GOD...
JIMMY FIRECRACK-CORN-AND-HE-DON'T-GIVE-A-F*CK: MY GOD... What feats of incomparable skill and might!
What power!
What Speed!
WHAT A BATTLE [I know right , it's great]
WHAT A BATTLE-IS WHAT I'D BE SAYING if they were in the ring; [but then there's you three]
Where are they-? [Disqualification??]
DBZ LOGIC: Maybe they're moving at speeds too fast for the human eye? ~Then why can WE see them?!~
(HALLELUJAH GIVE THE MAN A PRIZE.) I could try using the High Shutter Camera-
BOOTLEG HULK HOGAN: Jerry, (NO YOU SHUT UP) [Just let him talk, man.]
You're a terrific camera guy, but a LOUSY Martial Artist. [Says the guy who got punched to a mountain]
Nobody's that fast! [My god you should have been killed]
They're just using camouflage! Like the Predator! [Or that invisible man that Goku fought] ~Or Princess Snake~
[SHUT UP or I will shove my arm DOWN YOUR THROA-] Or Harry Potter. [Or Frodo]
(OH THANK GOD, the Anti-idiocy squad.) [when you think about it Mr satan is the 6th strongest human at this point]
(Which is ironic since one of it's best members, is, in fact, an idiot.) [Krillin, Tien, Chiaotzu Chi-Chi Yamcha, then Satan]
JIMMY: ..... Harry Potter, sir? (Never expected that did ya ?)
MR. SATAN: My daughter's a big fan. [Right?]
(Well at least she has taste.) [Better than her dad...]
(BOOM RIGHT IN THE PERFECT JAWLINE.)
[Cell : Right back at ya ;P]
MR. PERFECT CELL: Good Goku, very good. This is exactly what I've been looking for!
*chuckle*
Oh, you know... When I became perfect, I was a little scared. [Personal problem ?]
Scared that I'd never be able to test these abilities! [anything else you want to test with goku?]
Like a master surgeon without a patient. (Odd analogy, but I guess it makes sense)
PATIENT: Or a Grill without a burger. (Only you, Goku. Only you.) [This one was actually good.]
MASTER SURGEON: YES, YOU GET IT GOKU! And that's why we're here today; [wait... what?] (To grill burgers?) {Nah to get more patients for the doctors}
You are the only one who can complete me, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (TMI, Dude... TMI) ~Wait...wasn't that why you ate 17 & 18?!~
COMPETE WITH ME ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [Shonen anime, Cell, calm down]
All the others? Ah, they mean NOTHING. [They mean more than hercule satan anyway] (Except Yamcha)
This tournament,
This tournament, this ring, [YOU GU AREN'T EVEN FIGHTING ON THE RIGHT]
They're all for you~!
So we could have our PERFECT BATTLE. [Turns into raspy imp. cell]
GOKU: ..... Well, honestly you didn't need to go this far. (CELL: Why's that)
I'm just here for a fight [speaking of fighting, GET ON WITH IT!]
MR. PERFECT CELL: Dende.... That's what I adore about you.
You're so simple. [You mean stupid] (They usually call those kind of people *special* )
That's what nobody else understands! ~Y'know, except for EVERY SINGLE Z FIGHTER!~
Now then... How about we slip into something more...
COMFORTABLE? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
(Goku finally gets something right...) Goku: Wait, I'm confused. Are you asking me to get naked?
Cause I'm not gonna say no, [What a miracle we have witness- uhhhhh What.]
But I shouldn't say yes- [uhhhhh] (Chichi will castrate you)
(THERE'S THE REALIZATION.) Oh, crap, GUYS!!!!
~"Zeeky Boogy Doog"!~ (KABOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!)(Shit exploded)
(Rubble settling...)
(Oh.. Dende... A-Are they alive...?)
KRILLIN: Heh, looks like there's a... HOLE in the ring! (Lets let him have this one he only dreams of marriage) [18 likes them desperate] {Oh thank fuck they are alive}
(Krillin laughing)
GOHAN: ... REALLY?
BITCH HUMAN: LET ME COPE!! GOHAN: ... REALLY?
(Jimmy just had his corn popped)
JIMMY: Um...
OTHER BITCH HUMAN: Thank-tha-thank you for saving us, m-m-mister, uh-
16: 16. Android 16, [Bird lover, bomb carrie-nvm, king of westeros and the seven kingdoms, sole ruler of the iron throne.]
ZTV'S LATEST EMMY MAGNET: Anything you'd like to say to the audience-?
DADDYBOT: I want to murder Son Goku! [So do I at times] (daddybot?) (Perfect timing buddy)
ACCESSORY TO MURDER THREATS: Well, you... Heard it here first folks...
Random Viewer: Yeah, F*** Goku! (Shut up, Grant!)
(OKAY SERIOUSLY WHO ARE YOU.) {probably someone who tried going to space australia but got lost on the way}
MR. PERFECT CELL: I'd feel worse about all the time I spent making our perfect ring... [I mean, you had to patch that hole. You basically replaced a hole with an even *bigger* hole!]
But now that it's gone...
WE CAN FIGHT UNABATED. (GROSS) ~So basically you never had a ring-out rule...~
GOKU: Chichi told me that makes you grow hair on your eyes. [How does that even work?] [Its Goku guys. Think too hard and you get an aneurysm]
MR. PERFECT CELL: .....
MR. PERFECT CELL: ..... KILLING YOU will be the HARDEST THING I ever ENJOY. [ok then]
(WHOOOOSH!!!)
(BOOM!!!!!)
~*Cell's attempt at a Bert laugh*~ [Cell your inner Vegeta is showing] (He's aming where he is, instead of where he's going to be!)
THE UNLUCKIEST CAMERMAN IN THE WORLD: Sir, what's our life insurance policy?
JIMMY: Same as our ethics policy!!! (So nonexistant?)
A VERY BRAVE CAMERAMAN: THEN I'M REAL GLAD I DON'T HAVE A FAMILY!!!!! (I'll take that as a yes)
(KABOOOOOOM!!!!!!!)
MR. PERFECT CELL: Huh-??
KRILLIN: Huh, what's he doing up there? Ooh, you think he's going for a solar flare?!
A KAME-AND-A HAME-AND-A-SEND-EM'-HOME-TA-MOMMY: KAAAAAA... [Wait that's the kamehameha]
(NOPE-!!!!) PICCOLO: That's NOT how the solar flare works!!! (YOU DON'T F*CKING SAY!!!)
MR. PERFECT CELL: He... he can't be serious-..! (Either he is playing dumb or actually serious) [It's Goku, technically he's ALWAYS playing dumb]
GOKU: MEEEEEE... (Ok he is serious!)
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Getting dad flashbacks here-!!!!!!! (You don't say princess?) {To be fair, Vegan did try to blow up the planet not too long ago)
DAD FLASHBACKS: *HAAAAAAAA...* (No no no no no!)
MR. PERFECT CELL: Ha.. HAHAHAHA-!!. I see!
Yes, Goku! You're absolutely right. This is the only way it can end!!!!! (He could just steal Tien's Shin Ki Ko Ho)
This Tournament!
This Tournament! These fools!!
This Tournament! These fools! This planet!! (OH CRAP EVEN VEGGIE IS PISSING HIS PANTS)
They mean nothing to men like you and I!!! ~And now that we know Cell's pronoun...~
We will go out together, [You mean, you'll finish together, right?]
*IN A BALL OF MOLTEN ROCK AND DEATH!!!!!!!* (so... an asteroid field) ~Sounds fun! When's the ball?~
GOKU: *MEEEEE...* (NO GOKU THINK OF THE MUFFINS!)
KRILLIN: (Sporting a new wet spot on his pant leg.) GOKU NO!! (YES LISTEN TO BALDY!) ~"Daddy no!!"~
MR. PERFECT CELL: YYYEEEESSS!!!!!! ~"Daddy yes~!!!"~
(POP)
[......]
[Oh.]
[Somehow i completely forgot about that.]
MR. PERFECT CELL: Oh...... Crap BASKEEEEETS! {Oh, you say that too.} (Well, he DOES have Gohan's cells.) [Clever girl]
GOKU: HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
(KABOOM!!!!!!!) (GGWP) (Deflinitely one of Goku's smartest moments
(⊙▃⊙)
(the silence is real)
USELESS GUY #1: Larry, are you alive??? {Wait for it}
USELESS GUY #2: Somehow, sir!
USELESS WASTE OF FILLER #1: Then get back out there Larry! [Still does more than Yamcha*.] (*Filler loser #3.)
[Donate $5 today to stop the abuse of Larrys everywhere] (You mean Canadian Dollars)
~Seems he's...HALF THE MAN HE USED TO BE!~
YAMCHA: Ha! Well those guys for the camera better stop rolling - cause looks like Cell's going topless! Ha-ha! [Someone murder Yamcha pls] (Yamcha did nothing wrong) [1...]
KING BONER: Y'know, Just because everyone somehow survived this, I'm gonna let you have that. [Baldies unite] [2...]
KING BONER: Y'know, Just because everyone somehow survived this, I'm gonna let you have that. [Baldies unite] [3...]
Vegeta: I WON'T, YOU SUCK!! [YE GO TELL HIM VEGIE!] [Yamcha has a rough life] [4..]
OWNED: Oh.
JIMMY: God as my witness. It looks like that orange hillbilly has exploded the top of Cell! [5...]
JIMMY: God as my witness. It looks like that orange hillbilly has exploded the top of Cell! [6...]
Mr. Satan, do you have any explanations? [You mean more bullshit to spew] [7...]
YET ANOTHER BITCH HUMAN: Well, if I were a bettin' man, and I am, it's a serious problem, [At least you admit it] [8...]
They combined the lasers and the mirrors with C4 charges-- [You know. people would hate you less if you stopped applying real life logic to a shonen anime series] [9...]
Jimmy: and switched the body out in the ensuing chaos! [JIMMY NO HE LURED YOU IN WITH HIS LIES] [10. GOKU WINS!]
LARRY'S LESSER: Now you're thinking like a Satanist, Jimmy. [Tbh, the satanism jokes are the only reason I see this guy living] [Spoiler:This guy NEVER dies]
GOKU: Awesome. Hey Krillin, can I get a ten-count? [a goku owned count?]
KRILLIN HEBNER: You got it, Goku! ONE! [ohhhhhh] ~Krillin, where is your ref shirt?!~
(OH SHIT) (KRILLIN COUNT 1-10 FAST) [Technically, this would've been a 15 count by now.]
Twooooo... [OH SHIT]
(DAMMIT KRILLIN YOU HAD ONE JOB!) ~AND IT WASN'T REFEREEING IN THE CELL GAMES!~
MR. PERFECT CELL: All right, time!!
Timeout!
Time *RIGHT* the hell out!!!! [THANK you for growing back (yamcha made a horible pun)]
GOKU: How did you-?!? ~Muffin button!~ MR. PERFECT CELL: you weren't here for this, but TL;DR:
Piccolo's cells. (That makes sense)
GOHAN'S GREEN DAD: Okay, I am-
90% sure I can't do that. [well I'm 100% sure you can't Piccolo]
MR. PERFECT CELL: We'll figure THAT OUT *LATER.* [Fun fact; he can't. Piccolo can only regenerate if his HEAD is still in one piece.]
In the meantime, what I really want to know is how you keep popping in and out of reality!!!! [Well, you should have watched some earlier episodes] (What's wrong Cell? At wits end~?)
GOKU: Oh, that's just my instant transmission. [I would've said Muffin Button]
MR. PERFECT CELL: And don't tell me, is that another technique you STOLE?
Goku: NO!
GOKU: No! Kinda...
I got it from eating sick aliens. (ONCE AGAIN EW)
MR. PERFECT CELL: That's disgusting! (YOU ARE THE LAST THING I WANT TO AGREE WITH ME.)
GOKU: YOU eat people all the time! [SEE GOKU GETS IT!!! AND HE BARELY GETS 'ANYTHING!!] [Actually he drinks them]
MR. PERFECT Monster: Yes... And I'M A MONSTER... [Fair point]
GOHAN: Yeah, with all our stolen DNA.
EDGY TEEN: I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN, DADS!! [Ok, That deserves platinum medal in jokes.]
[THANK YOU GOKU.] (Yet another mighty blow to the perfect jawline) ~"Boot to the head."~
[That conversation was starting to get REALLY effing awkward.]
JIMMY: Mr Satan, can you make heads or tail of this??? [Satan is a big guy]
Because right now, I'm more confused than a homeless man under house arrest! [That might be offensive] (Might?) (That IS offensive) [Thats why its funny :^)]
MR. Satan: First of all; I find that offensive [......Why??] [He was probably homeless before Nappa picked him up]
JIMMY: why? (obvious why..) [TELL THEM THE TRUTH]
MR. Satan: Secondly... Uhh...
I don't want to give away ALL the trade secrets! (Nice save...)
Otherwise, what would be left for the kids, Jimmy? [Well yeah, he's literally a NORMAL human.] [But, technically he IS the STRONGEST normal human.] [Nah it's Krillin who is the strongest pure human]
What would be left for the kids??? ~Think of the children, Jimmy, you heartless monster!~
JIMMY: Pragmatism at its finest Mr. Satan. [(Facepalm.)] ~Insert MasakoX!Roshi "BULL[BLEEP]!" here.~
BULMA: Hey, I'm here! Sorry i'm so late, I had to pick up Trunks from daycare. [Why did you go all the way to Roshi's to watch? Im sure you have a TV since you're rich.] (HA that's a girl's name)
ROSHI: Ahh, you brought the baby... [... -?]
BULMA: Is..that a problem?
ROSHI: Uhh... Nah it's fine... [.... -???]
TURTLE: He is legally obligated to inform you that he is- [??????] ~Maron's List?~
OLD PERVERT: Turtle, I've watched her poop, she knows what I'm about. (TMI Roshi, TMI) [He also almost drowned after Bulma flushed him down the toilet]
MR. PERFECT CELL: I'll admit, Goku, I'm impressed!
A blast that strong should have wiped you but here you are still swinging away at me!! [shipper fuel]
GOKU: Cell... ~Not just a name but a request.~
If I gained...
ANYTHING in the days leading up to this tournament,
It was ENDURANCE. [CHI CHI DID SOMETHING USEFUL]
[Surprisingly cute Chi Chi sneeze.]
OX KING: .... What did you DO to him? (EXACTLY)
CHI CHI: What DIDN'T I do to him? [...... EW.](Kinky.) ~If there was ever a time for ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), this is it.~
OX KING: You're just like your mother. [WAIT, IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY!?] [of course it runs in the family. Have you SEEN what she was wearing when she was a kid?]
[oh boy Pan's future boyfriend is going to a crazy ride]
PICCOLO: This is bad..... [No shit Sherlock]
The last time I saw Goku this winded, He was having a heart attack!! [And that time with CHI CHI.]
He can't keep this up...! [Oh you're fucking right, namekian.]~( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)~
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Wait, what about the senzu beans??
Y'know the..... magical beans that....
heal all wounds and... (Princess pls Goku doesn't need any beans he will fight without giving up!)
restore your stamina? (Goku will fight to the end even if it kills him! AM I RIGHT VEGETA?!]
Okay, guys if you're bothered by cheating either loosen your moral Code [There Moral Code is to not do anything you stupid eggplant]
OR STOP HINGING 'THE FATE OF THE WORLD' on **DEATH MATCHES!** {Is Trunks the smartest person here or what?} [Yes, Yes he is.]
VEGETA: I can't believe you're my son. [Father of the Year People........] [Give it seven years, he'll earn that title.]
TRUNKETTE: Hey, you said it, not me. (The princess spoke the truth)
VEGETA: Kakarot isn't like you. He's a full-blooded Saiyan warrior! (A full blooded black hole belly is the right term)
He'd throw that Senzu Bean back in your face, because it's not the world that's at stake!! (Is it his pride?) [Angry manlet projects a lot, More at 11]
PRETTY LITTLE PRINCESS: ..... I'm Pretty sure it is. (Princess pls the King is talking)
VEGETA: IT'S HIS SAIYAN PRIDE!!! (CALLED IT!)
He'll see this fight to the end without any of our help!! [Countdown 3...
He'll see this fight to the end without any of our help!! [Countdown 3... 2...
even if it kills him! [Countdown 3... 2... 1...]
[THERE IT IS.]
GOKU: I give up! (YOU SON OF A MONKEY!)
VEGETA: I'LL KILL HIM!!!! (7 years from know] [KILL HERCULE FIRST] (KICK HIM IN THE NUTS!)
MR. PERFECT CELL: I'm sorry, I'm rather high up here. (what drugs do you do?!)
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY GOKU?!?! (He said uh... he is a monkey's uncle) ~To be fair, he has no ears.~
GOKU: I give up! You win! Great fight! [I WILL FUCKING KILL YOUR FAMILY]
GOHAN: Wait.... What is he doing? (I think he want's us to kick him in the nuts)
PICCOLO: Well, this is your *biological* father,
so he's either saving all of our lives or dooming us all. (Aint that the truth... -_-) (Well this is Goku we're talking about here, so I think we know the answer...)
MR. PERFECT CELL: But we're not finished...[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]
I'M NOT FINISHED!!! This isn't a victory! This is... I don't even know what this is-....!!! [teasing( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?] [Don't worry Cell. Everyone gets blue balled.]
STUPID PROUD FULL BLOODED SAIYAN #2: Nah, it's totally a victory. 'Cause I'm giving up. That means you win. ~Student of Wimp Lo.~
CELL: Every word you just spoke has made me violently angry. VEGETA: Every word you just spoke has made me violently angry. CANADA: Every word you just spoke has made me violently angry.
VEGETA: *OH GREAT! NOW I'M AGREEING WITH CELL!* CELL: *OH GREAT! NOW I'M AGREEING WITH VEGETA!* CANADA: *OH GREAT! NOW I'M AGREEING WITH THESE TWO!*
CELL & VEGETA & CANADA: **LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!**
GOKU: Cell, you knew what this was. (Do you know what it was for him?)
Just a fight... nothing more... [IT'S A FIGHT FOR THE LIFE OF EVERY PEOPLE, MUFFIN, DRAGONS AND EVERY RACE YOU DUMB MONKEY!]
MR. PERFECT CELL (TRIGGERED): You *BITCH..!* [He is an ultra bitch] [Cell sounds a lot like an abusive boyfriend here]
If you seriously concede I'll...
I'll just blow up the Earth like I SAID! [Oh god do not do that]
So unless you want me to turn this whole planet into an asteroid field, KAKAROT..!! ~OH DAMN! He went full Vegeta!~
**GET BACK UP HERE AND PUNCH ME IN MY PERFECT JAWLINE!!!!!** (Sounds tempting.) [hasn't he done that like.. 30 times]
GOKU: Hold your horses, Cell.
You SAID this was a tournament. [... Huh. He DID Didn't he?]
There's still a fighter left to take you on so you'll have to fight him first. ["Still a fighter left" Just One?]
MR. PERFECT CELL: Oh-..? oh... Oh-ho-ho..!! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I see!!
This is a prank! (FooseyTube ?) [Filthy Frank, I hope] ~Ashton, eat your heart out.~
My God, I honestly never figured you for a prankster, Goku, but you son of a bitch!
Ya *got me.* Okay, Who is it? Is it the Prince? [ha like Veggie would win]
No, it couldn't be. I don't even take my own sloppy seconds. (man he'll need a senzu for that one...)
[SERIOUSLY EW] The boy? [The Eggplant? she would kill herself trying again]
Hardly, he looks like he's about ready to crush coal into diamonds with his sphincter. [Lets test that, shall we?]
Oh, could it be Tenshinhan? [Could he use the Ki Ko Fuck yourself?!]
Cell: *PLEASE tell me It's Tenshinhan...* [Cell really wants more of that sweet Shin Kikōhō] (The hate-boner is strong with this one)
YAMUCHA: Man. It's like a hate boner triangle [again kinda( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ )] (#ALLTHEHATEBONERS!)
GOKU: Nope-a-rino! (Huh, I didn't know Goku had a bit of Flanders' blood inside him)
The fighter I've selected...
The fighter who will finally put your terror to an end is... (John Cena?)
Mr. Satan! [Yeah we're screwed]
Get out here you~! {Can we get a dumb Goku counter?}
MR. SATAN: DIARRHEA! [I would actually believe that] [Can't blame him tbh] (He didn't bring his brown pants)
GOKU: Well, Shoot, original plan then. ~Wait...he PLANNED?!~ [I'd hardly call *dooming* the entire planet a PLAN]
GOHAN! Get out here! [WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!]
PICCOLO'S ACTUAL SON: I'm sorry. We're little high up here. [.... WHAT-????] (Stop tripping, you're only 11)
What did he just say Mr. Piccolo? [OH MY GAMIKAI]
GOHAN'S DAD: I think he just said- ~Mother****er, you heard Trunks and Goku having a conversation in Ep34! YOU *HEARD* WHAT HE SAID!~
MR. PERFECT CELL: GOHAN?
OUT THE ENTIRE LIST YOU PICK...
*HIM?!?!*
HE WASN'T EVEN *ON* THE LIST!
*YAMCHA* WAS ON THE LIST!!! [Wait. He was-?]
USELESS #1: Wait- Why was I..? MR. PERFECT CELL: HALFTIME ENTERTAINMENT! (.....Harsh.) [Oh What about Krillin? Is he on list?]
[Okay yeah, that makes sense.]
HALFTIME ENTERTAINMENT: Frankly, I'm just happy to be included. [It was probably out of pity, let's be honest] ~Yamcha Owned Count?~
IDIOT: Alright, Gohan. He's all yours. Have fun! :D [The orange hillbilly calls dying *fun*]
SOON-TO-BE-DEAD: Dad, I'm gonna to have to politely ask you to back the HFIL up! (same here, gohan)
What... in [SUPER KAMI] Dende's name are you doing??? [Would you believe me if I told you that he's training you?] (Kind of a bad time to be training when the world's at stake)
NUMBER #1 MOST TERRIBLE DAD: I'm sending in the strongest fighter we've got. *This* is what we trained for. (WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* STRONGEST FIGHTER WE'VE GOT?)
GOHAN: But THAT'S WHAT *YOU* TRAINED FOR! I WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO FIGHT! [I don't think he ever said that]
I WAS JUST THERE TO MAKE YOU STRONGER!
GOHAN'S GRAVEDIGGER: Oh, Gohan, you're just being insincere. ~He is. If it was strictly for Goku, he and -Vegeta- would have gone into the HTC.~ [You're implying that the Vegeta at this point would actually spend more than 5 minutes with Goku.]
GOHAN'S REAL DAD: Insecure, and NO HE'S NOT!!! HE'S 11 YEARS OLD!!!! [You tell him JESUS]
LEGITIMATE POINTMAKER: Goku, we're not gonna to tell you how to be a parent right now--
ENRAGED SLUG FATHER **I AM!!!!**
LEGITIMATE POINTMAKER: but how do you think CHI CHI is gonna react to this? (excellent question! Let's check!)
Endurance Trainer: ***I AM GOING TO CASTRATE HIM!!!*** [RUN GOKU!] (Well, you have Goten now. No more point in keeping it around anymore)
MORON: Guys, trust me on this one. [That sounds like a bad idea]
I spent a whole year training him last week. So get out there, Gohan! (... time means nothing in Dragon Ball Goku (-_-))
You got this! [To be fair. He DID survive Namek] [With a kill count of 1.]
GOHAN: Do I even have a choice? (What do you think?)
GOKU: 'Course you do!
You either go out there and kill him or the planet gets exploded. (Damn) [This isn't even confidence anymore, he's just okay with everyone dying]
GOHAN: That's not a choice, That's an ultimatum! [still a choice, though. Just not a good one.] ~"Either die to him or die to me!" but hero flavored!~
IDIOT FATHER: Gohan, we both know I don't know what that word means. (Honesty at its finest)
GOHAN: Obviously not.
*sigh of a mix between disbelief and anger*
Okay, fine. I'll go fight Cell. I've never been wished back by the dragon, so hey! This will be a learning ex..
..perience... (Come to think about it Gohan never died) [Trunks would disagree] [THIS Gohan]
GOKU: Gohan, wait. Before you go...
GOHAN: What?! [ You are obviously not that smart]
GOKU: You're so much stronger than you think you are. (Told ya) [He's not wrong tho]
GOHAN: Yeah, well let's see what CELL thinks... [probably still thinking about Goku]
JIMMY FIRECRACK-CORN-AND-HE-DON'T-GIVE-A-F*CK: My goodness... The orange hillbilly previously reported to BEAT his wife, (In a tournament, that is)
has resigned himself and *SENT HIS OWN CHILD TO FIGHT CELL!!* [nice] (I wouldn't call child murder *nice*) (Cell would, though...)
Jill the Ripper: (BURST METER MAX) ***WITH A BUTTER KNIFE YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!*** ~OH! That's how!~ (CHI CHI Burst Awaken activated)
Chi Chi: ***I'LL TIE YOU TO A CHAIR FIRST*** (Well it's a good thing Goku dies afterwards, otherwise this show would be rated R.)
***AND GAG YOU WITH A GODDAMN DAIKON RADISH!!!!!*** (Well it's a good thing Goku dies afterwards, otherwise this show would be rated R.)
MR. PERFECT CELL: So, the biggest, most important fight of my life
WALKS AWAY, and sends in the world's strongest BOOKWORM......
Fine, Goku. I'll play along with this little joke... (I *PRAY* that this is a joke...)
But I want you to know, while I'm busy *POUNDING YOUR SON* [GEORGE TAKEI: Oh myyyy~]
I'll be thinking of you the entire time. [GEORGE TAKEI: OHHH MYYYY] {KING KAI: DAMMIT TAKEI}
GOHAN: (thinking) 'Thinking about it, I might actually have the advantage here.' (...I'm listening...)
'He took as much of a beating as dad did, if not more.' (Is he making a plan?)
'and after spending a year with dad in the time chamber' (He's onto something)
'I'm at least as strong as he is now.' (You got this buddy)
'Man, if i play it carefully, i could actually win this!' [FINALLY!! ACTUAL LEGITIMATE STRATEGY!!] (This is..actually smart) ~This is GOHAN we're talking about! Mom's brains?~ {Maybe Goku's plan wasn't such a bad idea after all...}
[PRAISE THE KAIS-] (And[Supreme Kami] Dende)-
[-?] GOKU: Oh hey Krillin, can you bean me real quick? (When the beandaddy's nowhere to be seen, Krillers here to hand you a bean)
KRILLIN: Oh, sure. Here. [Goku... What are you doing-?]
CHILD MURDERER: Thanks friend. [Goku-?] [ok Goku is plotting something]
Hey, Cell!! [WAIT WHAT ARE YOU-??] (No no no no NO NO NO NO!)
SENZU BEAN! [WAIT WHAT-?!?!?!] {Seriously, WHERE IS THE DAMN DUMB GOKU COUNTER?! GET TO WORKING ON IT GUYS!}
KRILLIN: *NO!* (*NO!*)
PICCOLO: **WHAT?!**
YAMCHA: WHY?! (At least you won't die first, buddy.)
GOKU: What? I'm just playing fair? He's tired, [...This is the reason I liked VEGETA more than YOU, Mr. Orange Garbage Hillbilly!!!!!] (HE DEAD)
He's got post-Goku exhaustion. [**THAT WAS THE ENTIRE EFFING POINT YOU MOUTH BREATHING-!!!!!!!!!**] [Goku is a sink or swim mentor.]
*Obviously nettled* DEAD MEAT: DAD..! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME! (Oh the irony of your logic) [...What do you mean by irony?...
MR. PERFECT CELL: Hey you said it not me! (You were prolly thinking it though)
[Cue the sound of one half of the Dragon Ball Fandom Keeping the other half from TRYING TO PUNCH GOKU.] ~Hey, it's the first non-alive thing he's consumed!~
OH, THAT'S THAT GOOD SHIT! [Better than liquidated humans?] ~That you're gonna take later.~
Suck it Kale you bush-league super food. [Good thing we're not in Universe 6.]
GOHAN: 'Well, war of attrition is out... So deep end it is....' [Ohh myy]
[And cue more screaming from Gohan] ~Poor MasakoX's larynx...~
VOICE OF REASON: Which one was it, Goku?
*Which **CONCUSSION** did you **SUFFER** that made you think **ANY** OF THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!? [Which one **DIDN`T** he?] (You first need a brain to suffer a concussion)
CORPSE DONATOR: Piccolo, just watch.
You're going to see amazing things out there. (Man you really hate your son) [Nah, He doesnt hate him. He's just a retard that Chi Chi swindled into marrying. Seriously]
SMART FATHER: What's amazing about watching Your 11 year old son get **MURDERED?!"** (EXACT-FUCKING-LY!)
IDIOT FATHER: Gohan might be 11 years old, but he's also like... (What? Now you're gonna repeat Cell is not dealing with a average Saiyan anymore?)
I dunno, a hundred times stronger than I was at that age! (try about 50,000) [And he survived Namek]
MURDER WATCHER: Goku...
WUKONG THE IDIOT: He's been keeping pace with us since he was a baby! [Fair point]
I mean, You should know, you kidnapped him. (Ouch.) GOHAN'S REAL DAD: GOKU!
WUKONG: And after spending that year alone with him. I know more than anyone that he's going to...
GOHAN'S REAL DAD: **GOKU!!!!!** GOHAN'S FAKE DAD: *What?!*
(Ok he spend a year with his dad but still hasn't learn how to dodge?! Goku what have you been doing?!) [He's Pavlov's bitch.] [Gohan is supposed to be the smartest of the group, yet he never picked up dodging.]
(Cell then says...)
MR. PERFECT CELL: THINKIN' OF YOU, GOKU! (Yamcha would be saying "Gay." rn)
[Dragon Ball Outro] (Now to wait ages until we find if Goku wasn't an idiot after all...*sigh*...)
JIMMY: ...previously reported to beat his wife has resigned himself,
JIMMY: And sent his "OWN CHILD TO FIGHT-"
VIDEL: Hmm... Sweet hair. [( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)] [Sweet young Videl, you will like more than just the hair]
See ya'll next time ;)
If there IS a next time, that is...