NARRATOR: The South Galaxy.. .
( And now it's gone)
...has been painted over. (Freeza didn't do it)
SOUTH KAI: HOLY SHIT!
KING KAI: Okay, first of all, calm down.
SOUTH KAI: I was in the bathroom for FIVE MINUTES! And now it's all gone!
*HOW*?! (How do you think asshole?) (he sounds like a constipated donkey)
...*WHO*?! (Probably Beerus)
KING KAI: Could've been Beerus. (Ha, called it)
SOUTH KAI: Oh, you know that mother's still asleep! [Oh, wait, nevermind.](To be honest if it was Beerus, that would have been a fucking kickass plotline
This is my ex, man! (Vados?)
She told me she would hurt me in a way I'd never see comin'! [Pro-tip - never stick your dick in crazy. You *will* regret it.] (If you want an example just ask those crazy bitch mothers in divorce courts who try and take everything the man has)
*WHY*, EAST KAI?! *WHY*?! ( TBH most people screamed *WHY* when Dragon Ball Evolution Was made)
KING KAI: South Kai, listen.
SOUTH KAI: I thought she may, like, steal my Blu-Ray player, man! (Yeah, because crazy ex-girlfriends steal blu-ray players as revenge.) [WRONG THEY WILL TAKE 3 THINGS, your dignity, your money and probably your house]
North Kai KAI: South Kai! We are going... to figure... this out.
SOUTH KAI: We need to get whoever did this, North Kai!
KING (NORTH) KAI: Alright then, listen.
I got a guy...(who knows a guy...who knows another guy?)
SOUTH KAI: What's his name? (Saitama? All Might!?)
CHI-CHI: Goku! I'm gonna show you! (Oh, close enough)
The Guy: Show me what?
Real Adult: How to act like an actual adult. [Good luck with that XD]
Man Child: But Chi-Chi, we're missing the wedding reception! (Aaaanddd Exhibit A)
We sat through that boring talk about love and junk for 40 minutes just waiting for the banquet! ( See what I mean?) ($20 it's a potluck)
I learned how to count up to 40 because of that! [His previous best was 15...]
That's ten fours, by the way. [And that's terrible.]
Concerned Wife: And *that* is exactly why we're here.
CHI-CHI: I don't want Gohan ending up the same, barely functional man-child you are!
GOKU: Uh...? CHI-CHI: I don't want Gohan ending up the same, barely functional man-child you are!
GOKU: Eeeee! CHI-CHI: I don't want Gohan ending up the same, barely functional man-child you are!
CHI-CHI: I don't want Gohan ending up the same, barely functional man-child you are! ( Goku may be stupid but you married the most powerful mortal in universe 7, so in the words of Donald Trump, You knew what you signed up for)
And I made sure to schedule this college interview on the same day as the wedding, because as we both know,
getting you into a suit is like trying to give a cat a bath.
Man Kitten: But I like baths! ( Not a surprise similes don't work on him)
[A terrible rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'"] ( WHAT IS THIS FUCKING EAR RAPE, EVEN NICKEL BACK DIDN'T SOUND THIS BAD IN COMPARISON) KRILLIN: ♫ Dooon't stop! Belieeevin'! ♫
♫ Hold on to that feeeeeliiiii-iiiiin'! ♫ (Krillin For the Super Bowl)
♫ Streetlights! ♫ [suggest you mute this part before your ears bleed] (Still better than the original)
[suggest you mute this part before your ears bleed] (Still better than the original)
[Good God, his voice is so bad it could be weaponized...] ♫ Peeeeopleee-aa-aa-aa-olhuuuull! ♫
[Good God, his voice is so bad it could be weaponized...and then banned by international treaties] KRILLIN: Aaaaaahaaaaa!
Drunken Perv: Yeaaaaah, sing it girl! Ha haaa! KRILLIN: Aaaaaahaaaaa!
Perverted Pig: Are you drunk already? The reception just started.
dirty old man: Pig, I am the pre-gaming master.
Whiskers The Wonder Cat: Aw, sweetheart, I'm so sorry your best man had to skip out on the reception.
Bean Daddy: That's okay. I have my real best man right here.
Whiskers The Wonder Cat: Daww, save it for the honeymoon.
Bean Daddy: Hoho, that's not all I'm savin'... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)﻿
Whiskers The Wonder Cat: Is it a turkey?
Bean Daddy: You know me so well. [well that was a letdown]
PISSED VEGETA: I came here for a banquet, and I find out it's a potluck, you CHEAP F**KS! ( FUCK YEAH $20 BITCHES PAY UP)
GILF: Well, I'm surprised *you* came ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), sweetheart! (Yeah, at that age with a smoking addiction)
An interspecies, homosexual marriage ( HOW CAN YOU SEE YOUR EYES ARE MORE SQUINTED THAN EVERY ASIAN STERYOTYPE )
Racist Doctor: I just wanted to see what the gay agenda looked like in person!
Frankly? Not impressed.(you haven't seen there "flagship" yet)
Oh, great - and now *immigrants*! Truly a liberal wonderland around here.(the wall broke...again)
VEGETA: Do you fools have any idea whose planet this is? (This is Goku's planet)
SOLDIERS: All hail Lord Vegeta!
LORD VEGETA: Well, good! Glad we're clear on that. (oh goddammit)
(Mystical alien prophet...?): It has been too many years, Prince Vegeta.
Or should I say... (Don't say king don't say king don't say king)
Or should I say... KING
Or should I say... KING Vegeta. (GODDAMMIT...AGAIN)
[You hear that? That's Vegeta's boner.] KING
[You hear that? That's Vegeta's boner.] KINGKING
[You hear that? That's Vegeta's boner.] KINGKINGKING
[You hear that? That's Vegeta's boner.] KINGKINGKINGKING
[You hear that? That's Vegeta's boner.] KINGKINGKINGKINGKING
[You hear that? That's Vegeta's boner.] KINGKINGKINGKINGKINGKING
[You hear that? That's Vegeta's boner.] KINGKINGKINGKINGKINGKINGKING
KING VEGETA II: Never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I received it. (Just wait until you turn Blue)
INTERVIEWER: This is rather unorthodox. ( DOES THIS INTERVIEWER REMIND YOU ABOUT JIMMY FIRE CRACKER?)
Your son is 11 years old and home-schooled, but you say he's at a 12th grade level?
Horrible Parent 1: I'm a teacher first, and a mother second!
Also a wife.
INTERVIEWER: I see. Uh, speaking of your husband, Mr...
Son Goku, was it? [or Son Wukong]
Horrible Parent 1 #1: Uhhgh... INTERVIEWER: Can you tell us anything interesting about yourself?
INTERVIEWER: Can you tell us anything interesting about yourself? (other than the hair)
Child Abuser: Oh, sure! Well, uh, I'm a monkey.
Horrible Parent 1: Dumbass?
INTERVIEWER[lying out of his ass]: Oh, so you're a minority! Because that *could* favor your child for enrollment!
Horrible Parent #1: Oh...! Uh, yes! Definitely a minority.
There are only two and a half more like him that are...
Monkey: Huh? KING KAI: Wukong! Are you there? : Oh, hey, King Kai! Long time no talk. How's Bubbles?
: (Gasp)
Horrible Parent #2: Eh, not much. Just a silly school thing.
No, not for me; for Gohan.
INTERVIEWER: Um, excuse me, uh, Mr. Son? GOKU: Oh wow, an entire *galaxy*?
Monkey : Hold on. Talkin' to God.
Wait, there are other Kais?
Horrible Parent #1: Uhh, he's very religious. Monkey: Wait, there are other Kais?
Horrible Parent #1: We both are! Monkey : When were we gonna talk about this?
BAD PARENT #1: Did you know my mother was Jewish?
BAD PARENT #2: One sec. I-I gotta take this. ( WELL GOTTA GO, LATER)
{POP}
BAD PARENT #1: (Gasp!)
INTERVIEWER [astonished]: Ma'am! Is--is your husband a magician?
BAD PARENT #1: Oh--umm, *yes*!
And for his next trick, he will convince you to enroll our son.
INTERVIEWER: Well, if he's as "in touch with God" as you say he is, perhaps he could work that miracle. (A simple lawsuit could fix that, or a visit from PoPo)
BAD PARENT #1: (Worried moan)
[People talking in the distance]
KING VEGETA II: So you're telling me that you've acquired an entirely new Planet me to rule over?
(prophet): That is... exactly what I said, yes.
KING VEGETA II: Ah, well then, it's official.
KING VEGETA II: Attention, everyone! Your planet is a mudhole for entitled weaklings!
BABY TRUNKS: (Cooing) KING VEGETA II: And you're all worthless.
KING VEGETA II: I'm going to claim my birthright. (Better not let Cell hear you, he might kill you and claim HIS birthright)
TRUNKS: But, Dad - what about Cell??
KING VEGETA II: F**k 'im. (Better not let Cell hear you, he might take you up on that)
(Better not let Cell hear you, he might take you up on that)
TRUNKS: Huh? Uhh?
(prophet): Ah, so, you must be...
TRUNKS: My name is Trunks.
(gender blind prophet): Hello, Princess Trunks.
PRINCESS TRUNKS: I'm not a--!
KING VEGETA II: As my first decree, you shall ONLY call her Princess Trunks!
SOLDIERS: All hail Princess Trunks!
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Nooooo! KING VEGETA II: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
PERVERTED OLD MAN: Yeaaaah! Let's go find some space-strippers!
OOLONG: This isn't part of the reception!
KRILLIN: How is he this strong?! (The power of space boners)
BULMA: Sure, just go back into space again. At least I'm not pregnant this time.
Shit, I hope. [ you should probably check ]
PRINCESS TRUNKS: I'll drag him back by his non-existant tail if I have to!
BULMA: (Sigh), don't try too hard...(speaking from experience)
KING KAI: Wait, "take this" where?
Goku?
{POP} Goku?!
SUPREME KAI ALMIGHTY!
What is up with that monkey suit you're wearing?
Talking Movie Bubbles: That's highly offensive, sir.
KING KAI: I'm a god, Bubbles; I don't see race,
[sotto] you filthy macaque.
TALKING MOVIE BUBBLES: Aww...
Idiot Hero: (Grunt)
Ah...
Alright! Who do I gotta kill?
KING KAI: That's what *you're* going to find out.
Now, normally I don't involve myself in the matters of other galaxies,
but South Kai bought me my car, so, I owe him a favor.
Have you seen it? It's only got 63 miles on it! (there may have been foul play with the deal then)
Idiot Hero: She's a Buick™.
KING KAI: Chevrolet Bel-Air™, actually.
Now! It's up to you to find out who destroyed South Galaxy.
Idiot Hero: Okey-doke! I'll go look for clues!
KING KAI: Uh-- wait, look where?
{POP}
GOKU: (Gasp!) S-s-so-ho-ho! I can't breathe in space, apparently! (No Shit Sherlock. Only batman can do that) [But wait wasn't Bardock able to breathe in space when he was fighting Freezer? And what about when Vegeta blew that bug planet?]
KING KAI: You're the salt of the Earth, Goku.
(ass-kisser): And now, my Lord - behold!
Your magnificent new kingdom.
KING VEGETA II: Pretty sure when you rule over a planet, the *planet* is your kingdom.
(ass-kisser): How wise you are, my Lord.
How about we take a tour of your beautiful new palace? ($40 bucks the throne is made of wood)
ROSHI: Somebody get me a raw egg, two shots of Tabasco, salt, pepper,
and a gun to shoot myself!
OOLONG: You know what they say: "Liquor before beer, you're in the clear."
"Liquor before intergalactic travel... feel your insides unravel."
ROSHI: BLEHHHH--!!!
[Elavator Muzak]
{POP}
Salt of the Earth: Cell~...!
Mr. Perfect CELL: Hm?
Salt of the Earth: Did you destroy South Galaxy?
MR. PERFECT CELL: There's a South Galaxy? (*was)
Salt of the Earth: Forget you heard that.
MR. PERFECT CELL: No.
{POP}
Nice CELL: Our talks are nice. [Then again, he would probably would kick Broly's ass anyway]
KING VEGETA II: You call THIS a palace worthy of KING Vegeta?
* First of all, I demand more towers.
* Second, I demand more towels!
* And third, I demand more trowels.
The brick-work on this place is a shit-show.
And who's this scrawny puke?
TALL SCRAWNY PUKE: I'm a foot and a half taller than you, but, whatever...
SHORT KING VEGETA II: What was that?!
SCRAWNY PUKE: I said I can't hear you from down there...
KING VEGETA II: Speak up, boy! I can't hear you from up there! [you're just digging your own grave geets clean the hair out of your ears]
(ass-kisser): Uhm, that is my son, Broly, my liege.
Forgive him; he's a very... passive boy.
KING VEGETA II: Beta male. Got it.
But, for the sake of the Saiyan race...
he has my blessings to bed Princess Trunks. (awww)
PRINCESS TRUNKS: *Excuse you*?!
POWER CRAZED DESPOT: Shut up, girl, think of the bloodline.
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Do you even know what you're doing?! (repopulating the Saiyan race?)
POWER CRAZED DESPOT: I don't need to. I'm King.
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Huh?! BROLY: Your hair looks like lavender, but smells like strawberries...
BETA MALE: Your hair looks like lavender, but smells like strawberries...
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Daaad~!
GOHAN: Something seems really fishy.
KRILLIN: Yeah. Trunks doesn't even have a womb. (You checked?)
GOHAN: I say we investigate.
KRILLIN: Ha! Not that curious! (Stop denying it krillin)
GOHAN: The *planet*.
KRILLIN: Yeah, yeah, I know...
CYBORG TAO: (Screaming)
CYBORG TAO: (Still screaming...) Idiot Hero: I just wanna make sure... if it was you who destroyed South Galaxy.
Idiot Hero: Stop screaming if it was. CYBORG TAO: (Still screaming...)
CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:10)
CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:11)
CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:12)
Idiot Hero: Okay... CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:12)
Idiot Hero: Okay... CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:13)
Idiot Hero: I'ma let you go then... CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:13)
Idiot Hero: I'ma let you go then... CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:14)
Idiot Hero: I'ma let you go then... CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:15)
Idiot Hero: Good luck with your ass-assing! CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:15)
Idiot Hero: Good luck with your ass-assing! CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:16)
Idiot Hero: Good luck with your ass-assing! CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:17)
{POP} CYBORG TAO: (Scream time elapsed - 0:17)
[18 seconds. :O]
Idiot Hero: Man, King Kai, I'm stumped!
I asked Cell,
I asked Cell, Mercenary Tao,
I asked Cell, Mercenary Tao, Piccolo,
I asked Cell, Mercenary Tao, Piccolo, Tenshinhan,
and that *monster*, Pilaf!
And none of them destroyed South Galaxy!
KING KAI: *Goku*... I've been trying to tell you for the last two hours!
GO TO NEW VEGETA!
Vegeta's Best Friend: (Gasp!)
There's *another Vegeta*?!
I wonder if he's stronger than normal Vegeta...
Eeeeee...!
{POP}
KING KAI: ...That man is going to be the death of me. [⚠ EPIC FORESHADOWING ⚠]
KRILLIN: This place looked a lot better as a skyline. (everything does...even detroit)
PRINCESS TRUNKS: What happened here? (probably republicans)
GOHAN: And why does it look like "The Day After Tomorrow" was yesterday? (definitely republicans)
KRILLIN: Hey, over there!
Maybe we can ask one of these abused alien slaves What's going on?
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Aw, crapbaskets...
CONDI: (Coughing in pain)
SHAMO: Grandfather!
CONDI: Worry not, podling... I just inhaled a little bit of rust...
(Coughing)
SHAMO: No, please!
If you are angry, use your whip on me.
I can take it...
GOHAN: No, don't worry; we're not with them. We won't hurt you.
SHAMO: Oh. (great, masochists vegeta's favorite to bad he isn't here)
Whatever. (great, masochists vegeta's favorite to bad he isn't here)
GOHAN: So, uh... CONDI: (Coughing)
GOHAN: You guys slaves, or...
SHAMO: Oh, yeah! A couple of Saiyans landed on our planet a few months ago, and transported us here against our will.
And if we step out of line, well...
AUGH-UGH...!
MASKED SADIST: Surprise, you worthless runt!
It's time for your hourly beating!
HORNY FREAK: Ooh, oh god, *daddy*!
KRILLIN: *Whoa*!
MASKED SADIST: Uh, no! No, no, no, no. That's my name.
It's actually pronounced:
"Dah-Di".
HORNY FREAK: Huaa! Harder, daddy! (works better if you choke them)
DAH-DI (MASKED SADIST): Now, that one was what you thought it was.
HORNY FREAK: Ungh, yeaaah...
Ughh!
CONDI: Please, I beg you! He is but a boy!
Let me take it!
It's MY TURN. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
DAH-DI: Only after you lick my boot! (he'll lick your dick if ya pay him enough ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))
HORNY OLD FREAK: Oh, you monster~!
GOHAN: Stop that! (Come on, we were getting to the good part)
DAH-DI: Huagh!
GOHAN: Leave these... odd people alone.
MAH-STEHR: Ha ha ha... We've been beating up children all day long.
What makes you any different?
KRILLIN: Because he's with me! (Uh-oh, better run away while you still can)
Hii ya!
Ha! Hua!
Whacha-cha!
MAH-STEHR: Okay, *kinky* we can handle, but we're not being paid for crazy.
We're out. (must be ex Chippendales)
KRILLIN: Wawawawawawa!
KRILLIN: WATAAH! Dumbass: ...eeee--
Dumbass: aaaagaaghhh!
Oh... agh.... And I just bit the inside of my cheek earlier! Augh...
KRILLIN: Dumbass?! What the heck are you doing here?!
Also, sorry.
Dumbass: Oh, just looking for the New Vegeta.
I followed Old Vegeta's energy here and I found you guys!
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Uh, Goku? New Vegeta is actually just a planet. '
Dumbass: Aw, NOW you tell me! (King Kai kinda did) Who names their planet after themselves?
KING VEGETA II: A goddamn idiot! (Your Words not mine)
GOKU: Huh? KING VEGETA II: A goddamn idiot!(Your Words not mine)
KING VEGETA II: That's what I am for buying into this garbage heap.
desperate ass kisser: Please, my liege!
KING VEGETA II: I'm not your "liege", you brown-nosing toady!
You promised me a kingdom. But I have no subjects, no infrastructure, and a throne made of wood! (FUCKING CALLED IT AGAIN THAT'S $50 BUCKS NOW) [Sounds like the soviet bloc]
What am I, the Space Pope?!
BROWN-NOSING TOADY: I beg of you, King Vegeta! Please stay!
For roughly... three--... maybe three and a half hours?
Space Pope: And continue wasting my time?!
Oh, and tell your creepy brat to stop following me!
CREEPY BRAT: What's your power level?
KING VEGETA II: *And stop asking that*! NO ONE CARES ANYMORE! (Not even Toryiama...the man not the bird)
CREEPY BRAT: Mine's pretty big... (OOOOOH MYYYYYYY) [for god sakes takei STOP STALIKING KING KAI]
Dumbass: Hey, 'Geets~!
BROWN NOSING TOADY: Oh, shit, it's Kaka--
BROLY: (mild trigger)!
BROWN NOSING TOADY: KUU!
Goku! Hello, Goku. (How does he know that name?)
Have you come to join the rest of your marvelous race?
KING GEETS: Or did you just come to see my new palace? It has six towers! LIKE A PEASANT!
BROLY: Hello. What is your power level?
Dumbass: Uh, dunno. Pretty big, though.
BROLY: Mine too...
BIG POWER LEVEL: Cool! (You like that, don't you?)
So, 'Geets, I'm actually looking for the person who blew up a galaxy.
OBVIOUS ACCOMPLICE: But who would blow up South Galaxy?! [How do you know which galaxy?]
GUY WHO DID IT: Probably someone with a really big power level...
Clueless Idiot: That's a good point! You've got a good point.
What's your name?
BROLY: Broly.
Still Clueless (What else is new tho?): Good point, Broly! (Why Can't We Be Friends?)
BROLY: Mmm... (Why Can't We Be Friends?)
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Father! It's all a lie!
KING VEGETA II: I know; a queen-sized bed?! Paragus, you squalid f**k.
PRINCESS TRUNKS: No. Paragus has been fabricating this entire planet. [Finally! We know his name now!]
From its palace to its people!
SQUALID F*CK: Princess Trunks, hrn-- perhaps...
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Okay, I'm putting a moratorium on that right now. (Sorry Princess Trunks, you can't overrule a king's first decree)
Father, this psychopath has been enslaving races from other planets to build your kingdom.
Even the greenery is manufactured!
KING VEGETA II: Paragus...
is this true?
PARAGUS: My liege...
Yes, it is.
KING VEGETA II: *My God*...
You're not the shitstain of a Saiyan I thought you were!
PARAGUS: Thank you, my liege!
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Oh, goddammit, Dad. (The fuck did you expect he's evil)
KING VEGETA II: You are now my Royal Grand Vizier! (better pick than last time)
GRAND VIZIER PARAGUS: Ah! Big shoes to fill... (Well, Nappa did have some massive Size 16s...)
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Father! What this guy has done...
It's inhuman!
KING VEGETA II: Yes, but it's not in*saiyan*. (MC WidowsPeak drops mic, exits stage left)
SHAMO: Actually, we much enjoy the slavery!
GOHAN: Say wha...?
MASOCHIST: Yes. Being enslaved and exploited by another... stronger, *strapping* race, fulfills us completely.
KRILLIN: You know, I... actually kinda get it. (of course you would)
SHAMO: Although, it is kind of strange he would force us to build a kingdom on a doomed planet.
GRAND VIZIER PARAGUS: 'Oh, goddammit.' (how's it feel jackass)
KING VEGETA II (AKA MC WidowsPeak): Explain, shitstain.
EX-GRAND VIZIER SHITSTAIN: To hell with this, I'll leave the boot-licking to the Shamoshians. (You shoulda done that in the first place)
Well, then!
You have finally unravelled my plan, King Vegeta!
KING VEGETA II: (confused) Okay...?
PARAGUS: This whole wretched planet will soon be encompassed by the cataclysmic comet, Camori...
...wiping it, and you, out with it.
KING VEGETA II: I'm confused. Am I being pranked? 'Cause I don't do jokes.
PARAGUS: This is no joke!
This... is my revenge! (some revenge plan. he can literally just leave now. you ruined it)
GOHAN: But, *why*?
PARAGUS: Because that *bastard* Vegeta left us both to die.
BASTARD KING VEGETA II: Sounds like me, but that doesn't sound familiar. [Way to own up to your dad's accomplishments.]
PARAGUS: Not you, you self absorbed blue-blooded snot! (these days he's a Self Absorbed blue HAIRED Snot)
Your father.
The true king.
Mere days after my son was born, [Incoming baby wiener.]
they realized his immense power level:
A whopping 10,000!
blatant lair : Pff, yeah, well I was like, 20,000 as like a sperm, so, y'know. (wait so it went DOWN when you worked for freeza...makes sense)
PARAGUS: And so, threatened by the magnificence of my progeny,
the king ordered for him to be executed.
YOUNG PARAGUS: This is insane!
Freeza's got us paying rent under his boot-heel,
and you're just going to murder a Saiyan baby with a power level of 10,000?!
He's like a trump card, if the card literally flipped the table over,
and shot the other player!
He would be of great use to Vegeta!
KING VEGETA I: My son, the planet, or me?
Smartass: *YES*!
(OG King Vegeta does not like smartasses) HUAAAAAAAAAAGH
(OG King Vegeta does not like smartasses) GAHBHOOHUAAHYEAB HYUNNOBHUHA
[Crash]
KING VEGETA I: Grand Vizier Nappa! [Oh, shit, not again.]
I require your "treasured" guidance once more.
GRAND VIZIER NAPPA: Stab the baby. [God... Dammit... Nappa]
KING VEGETA I: Are... you sure?
GUY WITH MIND SET: Look, we've got a meeting with Freeza in one hour,
so either stab the baby, or we have to cancel your six 'o' clock. (That solidifies it, Nappy is a spy for Freeza)
PARAGUS: He then saw to my son's execution himself.
With, well, less than success. (of course)
BABY BROLY: Ahh!
KING VEGETA I: Son of an Arlian whore...!
SOMEONE FETCH ME A BETTER DAGGER SO I MAY PROPERLY STAB THIS BABY!
BABY BROLY: (Crying)
KING VEGETA I: Oh, good, now it's crying. To hell with this!
{SPLAT}
KING VEGETA I: Just dump him in a hole with his father...
PARAGUS: Luckily, the king was as half-assed at murdering us as he was at raising you, Vegeta.
And with Broly's magnificent power, we survived the extinction of our race.
FUCKING MORON: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So does this have *anything* to do with South Galaxy?
Cause that's kinda why I'm here.
PARAGUS: Actually, yes.
You see, one night while I was discussing The Son of Bardock™... (which one)
KING VEGETA II: The scientist?
PARAGUS: The very same. [I think you mean the low-class warrior, but whatever.]
That night, I uttered a single word that triggered Broly.
And he suddenly went wild!
In his furious rage, he painted over the South Galaxy *in its entirety*.
THE SON OF BARDOCK™: What was the word? [Android 16: Bird is the word]
PARAGUS: I...
Why would I--?
THE SON OF BARDOCK™: Was it "non-fat"?
PARAGUS: No! Why would it be--
THE SON OF BARDOCK™: "Diet"?
PARAGUS: This is ridiculous. Stop trying to trigger my son! [New Vegeta is a Safe Space.]
THE SON OF BARDOCK™: Freezer with an "i".
PARAGUS: *For God's sake*... (don't bother he has a skull denser than dark matter)
KING VEGETA II: First of all, Paragus, your seed couldn't compare to my own.
And he's a filthy half-ling.
PRINCESS LAVENDER Halfling: Hate you too, Dad.
KING VEGETA II: And second, I couldn't care *less* about any South Galaxies, or lack thereof.
So, if you're done wasting everyone's time...
Grab your friends,
Grab your friends, grab your shit,
Grab your friends, grab your shit, AND GO HOME,
Grab your friends, grab your shit, AND GO HOME, KAKAROT! [You done fucked up, Geets.]
Broly: (TRIGGERED)
PARAGUS: Please do not say that again.
KAKAROT: It was "friends", wasn't it!
KING VEGETA II: I said *shut it*, Kakarot!
BROLY: (TRIGGERED)
PARAGUS: Please! Stop saying that name!
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Father, just call him "Goku"!
KING VEGETA II: And disrespect MY heritage?!
I will address him with the name given to him by the glorious Saiyan race! [This actually makes a lot of sense.]
KAKAROT,
KAKAROT, KAKAROT,
TRIGGERED PASSIVE BOY: KAKAROOOOOOOOOT~!!
KING VEGETA II: See, he's slow, and he gets it.
PARAGUS: I suggest we all run.
TRIGGERED LESS PASSIVE BOY: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!
[beerus' madness...appropriate]
KING VEGETA II: This power... Wha... What is he?!
PARAGUS: He...
is The Legendary Super Saiyan™.
BROLY'S #1 FANBOI: OH, THAT'S SO COOL.
KAKAROT: But why is it kinda... *green*...?
PARAGUS: Because it's *legendary*.
BROLY'S #1 FANBOI [blowing his load]: AAAAAHHHHH!
SS TRIGGERED BROLY: Hey, Kakarot.
You said your power level was pretty *big*, right?
KAKAROT: Yuh-huh...
...Why?
SS TRIGGERED BROLY: Because *my* power.
SS TRIGGERED BROLY: Because *my* power. IS!
SS TRIGGERED BROLY(Somehow more triggered): Because *my* power. IS! MAXIMUM!
KAKAROT: Prove it. [prepare to get fisted]
SS TRIGGERED BROLY: HUUUAAGH!!!!
GOHAN: Why-hy?!
PRINCESS TRUNKS: When I woke up this morning for a gay wedding...
PRINCESS TRUNKS: I did not expect this.
VEGETA: H-- how... how is he this strong?
* How many pushups did he do?!
* How many pushups did he do?!(>9000) * How many situps?!(>9000) *WHAT KIND OF JUICE DID HE DRINK?! (powerthirst)
PARAGUS: This is not the result of *paltry training*...
THIS... IS PLOT CONTRIVANCE.
For you see, PRINCE Vegeta…
You're not dealing with the *average* Saiyan warrior anymore. [Freeza: how's it feel now, bitch]
F̶r̶e̶e̶z̶a̶ PRINCE VEGETA: Nooooo… (Yes, drink in the irony, my sweet Prince)
KAKAROT: Gohan! Princess Trunks!
Haaaaa!
GOHAN: Hu!
BROLY'S WIFE: Huuuu ahhh!
Wha…?! Aw, dammit, my jacket! I only had the one!
Augh, Mom is gonna kill me! (Right you are) (unless your husband does it first)
BROLY: OUUUAAAAGHHHH!
GOKU: Hurrngh!
AGHA!
GOHAN: Ahhhh! PRINCESS TRUNKS: Ha!
AUGH!
GOKU: Listen, Broly...
I don't wanna tell you how to be the The Legendary Super Saiyan™, but...
You're not supposed to start *all-out*…
You're supposed to start small and then work up to it!
THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAIYAN™: I am starting small.
GOKU: Oh! (you guys are fucked so hard...in more ways than one)
Good for you! (you guys are fucked so hard… in more ways than one)
*Holy crap*… (you guys are fucked so hard… in more ways than one)
KRILLIN: Hey, Goku! I brought the masochists!
GOKU: *Why*?
SHAMO: There's no way we're going to miss sadism like this!
GOHAN: Dad, what is sadism?
GOKU: Ask your mother. [Always consult an expert.]
THE LEGENDARY SUPER SADIST™: Yeah, you know your place.
Under your master's feet!
SHAMO: Oh, God, yes! [HORNY x3.5]
THE LEGENDARY SUPER SADIST™: You want the ultimate punishment?!
HORNY MIDGET: Mmm, yeah! [HORNY x10]
THE LEGENDARY SUPER SADIST™: Then I'll just blow up your planet!
WORRIED MIDGET: …Guys? What's our safeword? [HORNY x0]
SLAVE #1: Uhh, I think it was "banana"?
SLAVE #2: No; "pineapple"!
SLAVE #3: It wasn't a fruit; it was a vegetable!
SLAVE #2: "Brussels sprouts"? [Don't ever say that again]
CONDI: "Broccoli"! It was "brocco"—! (lol)
[Big Fuckin' Explosion]
SHAMO: Why did we not know our own safeword…?!
CONDI: It was lost to time… (meaning: we'd never think we'd need to use it)
BROLY: Princess Trunks~… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)﻿
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Please, no. (oh yes)
BROLY: You lied to me.
BROLY'S SOON TO BE BITCH: I did no such thing!
BROLY: You dirty boy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)﻿ (here comes the Fuck train)
BROLY'S BITCH: (knowing what is coming) …Goku, get me off this planet right now.
BROLY'S BITCH (knowing what is coming): ...Goku get me off this planet right now. I'm serious!
BROLY'S BITCH: (knowing what is coming) …Goku get me off this planet right now. I'm serious! *Instant Transmission*--! (wrong safeword)
AGH!
GAH!
ordinary regular super sayian: Okay, Gohan...
I was gonna save this for Cell,
but I'm gonna need you to let go, and—.
COWARD: Got it. Leaving. [Damn, that was easy.]
GOKU: Gohan? Where'd you go, Han? (Ha, good one)
HUAAAA—!
GOHAN: 'It's okay, Gohan. Just find that ship we came here on, grab everyone else, and—'
BROLY: THE FUCK TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES, BITCH!!!
BROLY'S OTHER BITCH: 'I should apologize to Mom if I get home.'
Aggh!
Gaaah ahhhhh!
Aghh!
COWARD'S PARENT: Gohan!
BROLY: RAAAGH! GOKU: Huaaoouu!
BROLY: RRUAGH!
KAKAROT: Ahhhhh!
(Pained grunts)
BROLY: What's wrong, Kakarot?!
Don't you care if I kill your son?!
KAKAROT: Ugh… I'd rather you *not*?
We have Dragon Balls, but, that's like a *whole day*.
Oh! But he's never met King Kai.
UNCONCERNED PARRENT: Hey, Gohan! You're gonna meet King Kai!
Eeeeeeeeeee! (Honestly, Gohan would be better off with this Moron gone, Papa Piccolo is all he needs)
PARAGUS: You are probably wondering where this unfettered hatred for Kakarot stems from.
PRINCE VEGETA: Not… really…?
Hating Kakarot kinda gives me life, so— (Awwwe, look at him, still on a post-coital high)
PARAGUS: It all began… BABY CARROT: (crying)
PARAGUS: It all began… VEGETA: Oh, I'm being ignored. (big surprise there…)
PARAGUS: when they were but newborn babes.
Their cribs in the maternity ward were right beside each other.
And Kakarot cried…
TERRORIZING MY SON.
VEGETA: And… then…?
PARAGUS: That's it.
PRINCE VEGETA: Didn't my father stab him?
PARAGUS: Indeed.
PRINCE VEGETA: Then why doesn't he hate *me*?
PARAGUS: Oh! No, *I* hate you.
...Well, I hated your father, and therefore, you. (logic 101)
*Broly* hates Kakarot.
Because he cried. (Literally the actual reason, look it up on the wiki)
A lot. (Literally the actual reason, look it up on the wiki)
For, like, *three hours*. (Literally the actual reason, look it up on the wiki)
DISSILUSSIONED FAN-BOI: But… that's really dumb. (Kind of like tyrannosaurs in f-14's)
B-but he's so cool! (Kind of like tyrannosaurs in f-14's)
BUT THAT'S SO DUMB! (Kind of like tyrannosaurs in f-14's)
BROLY: My power…
My power is…
(OVER TRIGGERED) MAXIMUMER!! (Shouldn't you have exploded by now then?)
'TEEN' GOHAN: Dad…
'ADULT' GOKU: Yeah, son?
BEATEN TO A PULP GOHAN: Holy f**k, he's strong.
BEATEN TO A PULP GOKU: Yeah… and to make things worse…
I think we blew your college submission… (Holy Shit he actually cares! I'm so proud of my moron)
GOHAN: Man, this just isn't my day.
GOKU: Eh, don't worry. I think it's your movie next. (It is) [WEN BOJACK??]
BROLY: BUT NOW IS BROLY...
…NAO BROLI!!!
GOHAN: Piccolo, help! (EVERYBODY: PICCOLO, HELP)
GOHAN'S DAD: Gohan, are you okay?!
Do you need some juice?!
Did you get into that school you wanted?!
GOHAN: Doesn't look like it.
GOHAN'S DAD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
GOHAN: How did you get here?
GOHAN'S DAD: I came when I heard you call.
GOHAN: …How? (paternal instincts, son)
LOVEABLE COWARD: Thanks for the ship, Piccolo!
ROSHI: We're taking this bitch to Space Vegas!
OOLONG: Yeaaaaaah! KRILLIN: Wooooooo! DRUNK ROSHI: He he he he haa!
BROLY: You! Green man!
You're new.
What is *your* power level?
GREEN MAN: I dunno, give me a minute.
BROLY: BROLY DOES NOT LIKE TO WAIT!
GREEN MAN: Goku, can we beat this guy?
GOKU: Uh!
I dunno! I'm sure I'll pull something out my butt. (Most likely Broly's fist)
BROLY: AND IT WILL BE BROLY'S *FIST*! (Man I'm good at this!)
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Probably… (But you just got it out of yours)
PICCOLO: Let's see how *you* fare when it's four-on-one, monster!
BROLY: "Monster"?
Broly is not a monster.
Broly is…
Durh…
SS GOHAN: A genuine demon?
SS GOKU: A true freak?
SS TRIGGERED BROLY: THE DEVIL!
BROLY'S #1 FANBOI [blowing his load again]: OH MY GOD,
BROLY'S #1 FANBOI [blowing his load again]: OH MY GOD, HE'S SO
BROLY'S #1 FANBOI [blowing his load again]: OH MY GOD, HE'S SO GOD
BROLY'S #1 FANBOI [blowing his load again]: OH MY GOD, HE'S SO GOD DAMN
BROLY'S #1 FANBOI [blowing his load again]: OH MY GOD, HE'S SO GOD DAMN *COOL*!
GOKU: Haaaaaa!
PICCOLO: Raaaaaa! GOKU: Haaaaaa!
PICCOLO: (Grunting) GOKU: (Grunting) [Vegeta fapping to Broly]
THE DEVIL: Ruuaaaahhh!
GOHAN: Masenko! (Suck my Toe?) PRINCESS TRUNKS: Masenko! (Suck my toe?)
PICCOLO: HUUUUUUUAAARRR—!
*pain*
*more pain*
GOHAN: Waghh!
GOHAN: Ahhh uaagh! PRINCESS TRUNKS: Ahhh uaagh!
*even more pain*
AAAAAAAHHHH…!!!
*still more pain*
PICCOLO: URRRGHH OOUHH…
What… the f**k are you *doing* back here?! (spanking the monkey?)
DISTRESSED FANBOI: I don't know what's going on anymore.
He's so cool but he's so… goddamn dumb!
PICCOLO: Okay, Vegeta…
While you're here having this "crisis",
WE'RE OUT THERE GETTING BEATEN INTO A BLOODY PASTE.
VEGETA: But you don't understand! The Legendary Super Saiyan™
is motivated by a *crying infant*!
HE IS A LITERAL GIANT F**KING BABY!
PICCOLO: So, kind of what you're being right now? NAIL: (OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!) KAMI: (Damn!) (THANK YOU)
Giant Baby 2: You're just mad you're not The Legendary Super Namekian™. (NAIL: SHOTS FIRED!)
ORDINARY NOT-SUPER NAMEKIAN: Alright; bye, Vegeta.
VEGETA: Byeeeeeeeeee…
GOKU: Hey, Broly!
KA…
KA… ME…—
Ah! Oh wah!
LITERAL GIANT F*CKING BABY: You were SAYIAN'?
GOKU [muffled]: I am Saiyan!
Hu hu hu—!
Ah aughh…
BROLY: This all you got, Kakarot?
Broly is disappointed.
Kakarot killed Freeza.
Kakarot supposed to be strongest.
But now Broly strongest.
And now YOU…
DIE!
VEGETA: *Excuse you*.
BROLY: Excuse BROLY?
VEGETA: You've been ignoring someone this entire time.
BROLY: Broly's Bitch?
BROLY'S BITCH: Well, technically, I was the one who killed Freeza.
BROLY: THAT'S HOT. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
KING VEGETA II: No, you mouthbreather! You have been ignoring your *King*!
MOUTH-BREATHER: What is a King to a God? (Well technically he is a god.... in the future at least)
NONBELIEVER: And what is a God...
TO A NONBELIEVER?!
HEAAAAAAAAAAA--!
MMMFF!!
GOD: DO YOU BELIEVE NOW?
BELIEVER [muffled]: Uh-huh.
So cool…
BROLY: Now, Kakarot…
KAKAROT!
KAKARRROOOOT!
PARAGUS: He has devolved into saying only a single word. (so like a pokemon)
'Time to hit the ol' cosmic trail…'
BROLY: KAKAROT?
NOT LOVABLE COWARD: Oh.
Hi, son.
BROLY: KAKAROT.
WORRIED FATHER: N-no, i-it's your father.
I was just prepping this pod for us to leave, before the comet hits.
BROLY: KAKAROT.
REALLY WORRIED PARENT: Yes, true… it's a pod meant for one person, but—
BROLY: KAKAROT!
PARAGUS: Broly! Be a good boy and show your Daddy the love he has shown you. (he's doing a good job then)
BROLY: HUG.
PARAGUS: Oh, nononononono! BROLY: HUUUUUUUG!
BROLY: HEAAAAUNGH!!
BROLY: …Kakarot.
GOKU: Okay, guys…
Be real with me…
Is this the worst, or what?
PICCOLO: Frankly, at this point…
I wish we could open up The Dead Zone™ and bring back Garlic Jr. (popo has seen to that. so too bad)
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Can't believe I'm saying it, but… I'll take some more Androids, please. (one is coming)
VEGETA: And I'd rather get kicked in the dick…
a *thousand* more times, (kinky)
than hear that idiot scream Kakarot's name again.
THAT IDIOT: KAKAROT!
VEGETA: ARRRGHH…
GOHAN: I'd even take Turles.
And he was just an evil version of my Dad.
VEGETA: Wait, that guy with the tree? Is he alive?
GOOD TURLES: Not anymore.
Also, that Wheelo guy. He was nice…
GOHAN: Oh, yeah…
Too bad he died of brain cancer... (a moment of silence)
GOKU: Cool… then I'll cut to the chaste…
Give me all of your energy.
Right now.
I'll end it in One Punch, Man™. (ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNCH!)
PICCOLO: Done.
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Doing it.
GOHAN: Please make it end.
SAITAMA: Now, Vegeta… I know you're probably not going to—
VEGETA: F**k it, you have it, just go.
(HYPERCHARGED) GOKU: Thanks, best buddy!
GOKU'S BEST BUDDY: No.
BROLY: HUUUAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!!
BROLY: HUURRRAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!
(HYPERCHARGED) GOKU: Hey!
BROLY!
SAY MY NAME!
[Fisting broly's meatgrinder chest]
BROLY: HUUNGH?!?!
[Crying]
GOKU: HUUUNGH!
BROLY: KA
BROLY: KAKAA
BROLY: KAKAAROOOOOOOOOTTT!!!!!!!
(You're Goddamn right!)
BROLY: KAKAAROOOOOOOOOTTT!!!!!!! KAKAROT: Victory for Go—!
[EXPLOSION] Huaaaaa!
{POP} (WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK)
KRILLIN: HOLY SHIT!
SHAMO: OHH, IT'S SO *TIGHT*!
PICCOLO: Okay, just gonna drop this one out there,
but, earlier, nobody brought up Slug and I feel that's kind of racist. (You're the one who started mentioning Garlic Jr., Piccolo)
OOLONG: What are these things and why is one GRINDING ON ME?
SHAMO: STEP ON MY GENITALS!! (Thanks TFS, you owe me a keyboard.)
KING KAI: There you go, South Kai.
Your galaxy has been avenged.
SOUTH KAI: …But it's still gone.
KING KAI: Sorry, but ain't no Dragon Balls that'll bring that back!
...I think. (The Super Dragon Balls??)
SOUTH KAI: But what about the Otherworld Tournament coming up?
KING KAI: Well, now you have a lot more options. (Damn that's cold)
SOUTH KAI: …That's f**ked up, man.
[♫ "Broly Chronicles" ♫]
♫ Broly's legend first began in 1993 ♫
♫ With biceps bigger than Goku's head ♫
♫ And a heart that longed to be free ♫
♫ Broly, Broly, Broly ♫
♫ Why are you so strong ♫
♫ Your power level is twice as high ♫
♫ As your Saiyan hair is long ♫
♫ Broly was a motherf**ker ♫
♫ Stronger than that robot trucker ♫
♫ Broly's enemies are done!! ♫
Yeah!
That's it, everybody!
That's Broly!
WEN BROLI, BROLI DUN!
DON'T EVEN
DON'T EVEN ASK ANYMORE!
Y'SHOULD JUST SUBSCRIBE AND ENJOY!
AND I'M OUT!
{POP}
BAD FATHER [whispering]: Alright… let's see if we can just sneak into the house… and—
THE REAL DOM: ROOM! NOW!
GOHAN: Okay!
BAD FATHER: Oh, hey, Chi-Chi!
Did Gohan not make it in?
THE REAL DOM: Oh, no, he made it in!
After a sizeable donation from my father!
GOKU: Good! Man, I'm glad we come from money!
CHI-CHI OF MONEY: *I* come from money, Goku!
You come from a race of idiots!
GOKU OF IDIOTS: I sure do, Chi-Chi!
I sure do!
♫ Listen Up, Listen Up... ♫
THE REAL PISSED OFF DOM: I want a divorce.
BAD, IDIOTIC FATHER: Me too, I'm starving!
LANIPATOR: Hey, everyone, Lanipator here.
Thanks for watching!
If you're new to the channel, and enjoy what you saw, make sure you subscribe and stay up to date!
And if you're in the mood for some more anime violence,
why not check out Hellsing Ultimate™ Abridged?
Also, if you're catching this on release day,
join us at 6 Central Time for a post-release stream over on twitch.tv/streamfourstar
Love ya, and catch you later.