[Welcome to English (Canada) - Still celebrating Christmas with jokes!]
-Disclaimer because Toei-
??: War... [What is it good for?]
[Awkward Silence]
Greed... [What does a pot of greed do?]
[Insert catchy title here]
Pollution. [Oh at least someone is talking about it...]
Destruction. (Literally every year in DB for the past decade?)
The world has been overcome by naughtiness. (Well Trump did become President)
It cannot be saved... [Well then, you're not trying hard enough]
*People dying all around*
It can only be culled... (Uhh... cold?)
Christmas...
Christmas... is ho...
Christmas... is ho... ho...
Christmas... is ho... ho... ho-ver [This is gonna be filled with puns isn't it? Also, hover?] (Gonna add a pun counter [1])
[WOOO!! BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT YET!!]
*PLAN TO ERADICATE FREEZA DAY*
{POP}
ORANGE HILLBILLY: Merry Christmas Eve, Bulma!
GOHAN: And Happy Holidays, Dad!
GOHAN'S REAL DAD: Y'know I actually do celebrate Christmas. [Do you want us to go back to The Tree of Might?] (You do?)
GOHAN: Really? [No]
MR. PICCOLO: Yeah, if you think about it I'm basically the Son of God. [Used to be the Son of God. Super Kami Dende is God now]
GOD (telepathically): Oh, Freezus Icest...
SON OF PREVIOUS DENDE (t): Kinda...
HOLY SPIRIT (t): Wait, so does that make me the Holy Spirit?
FATHER & SON (t): KINDA! [Oh my, we got the Holy Trinity]
THE ONLY SENSIBLE PERSON: Um, have any of you seen the news today? [Only minor character humans do that]
SON OF JESUS: The only thing my dad watches on Christmas is the Rankin-Bass Rudolph Movie on loop. [To be honest, that movie was good.]
BULMA: Well... [Don't lie saying you never saw it]
Asuna: May McStand here, live from West City:
- Where a toxic miasma has the local towns-folk collapsing en-masse... [Supreme Kai of Time probably cooked something again]
GOHAN: Good thing we POPPED.
-In unrelated news. Several machines have been descending from the skies via a dark ungodly orb in the outer atmosphere. [Oh good, we're not ignoring it]
{Click}
PRINCESS TRUNKS: I don't think that's unrelated.. [You'd be right]
IDIOT HERO: Someone-or-someTHING is trying to ruin Christmas again... [Why do I get the feeling he was hoping this would happen?]
- And that's got me Christ-miffed. [Ah, that's why. Puns] (To be fair, thats a good one) [Pun Counter: 2]
SMARTASS SON: Solid pun dad. [I would usually be pissed, but no... That's actually good this time] [TOLD YA!]
DUMBASS FATHER: Thanks, I've been waiting for someone to try and ruin Christmas again. [Kinda feel like every movie is about saving Christmas]
QUEEN BULMA: Those machines are the ones expelling the gas. [Did they eat too many Christmas beans?]
It's some kind of, aerosolized coal particulates. [*Cold, as in King Cold! :D]
But, something's weird about it...
PRINCESS TRUNKS: So what, is someone trying to kill the whole world with Miner's Lung?
{GASP}
GOKU: Be careful Gohan! You're a minor! [Literally the most concerned we've ever seen him be?]
MINOR: I'm, surprised you knew that- [We all are]
IDIOT HERO: And so is Piccolo, [Kinda! What is he like 15?]
and Bulma [No, she's not.]
MINOR CHARACTER: Oh, you meant character. [Damn, what's with the shade?]
GOKU: -AND VEGETA! [Nothing about Trunks?]
MINOR VEGETA: The f**k I am. [I mean, he arguably is until Majin Vegeta.]
MAJOR MORON: Oh, hey Geets! When'd you get here? [He lives at Capsule Corporation]
GEETS: I live here you dolt.
UNSATISFIED WOMAN: Coulda fooled me.
PRINCESS TRUNKS: What's up, Dad?
You're looking, uncharacteristically wistful.
WISTFUL MAN: Well, it's just~
Every Christmas Eve. [Wait Planet Vegeta had Christmas?]
Every Christmas Eve Before it was replaced by Freeza Day- [Screw Rusev Day! ♫IT'S FREEZA DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY♫]
-I'd sit out on my porch, and fire into the night sky
Hoping to kill Santa~ [Vegeta is every kid who believes in Santa and did not get the present they wanted]
DOLT: {Gasp} Oh No! You never hit him did you?! [Please say yes! I never got that wienie whistle...]
PRINCE WISTFUL: I thought I did once, but it was actually just a pod carrying my brother, Tarble. [Wait, you had a brother?] [Watch Yo! Son Goku and His Friends Return for context.]
They never found it...
They never found it... or the body... [Huh, is he actually sad?]
What I'm saying is: It's Christmas Eve and something needs to die. [Sentiment shared by everyone during a family christmas gathering]
So I'm feeling a little nostalgic.
NIECE TRUNKS: I have an uncle? [Who knew?] [I did]
DIRTY BROTHER KILLER AKA Caïn: You HAD an uncle.
(Flying Noises)
GOKU: There it is...
One of the machines that's ruining Christmas.
*First, we blow 'em all up.. [Woah, hold up!! That was Vegeta's line!]
*First, we blow 'em all up... *Then we find the Grinch that made them...
*And send that Grimacing Green Monster straight to HFIL.
GRIMACING GREEN MONSTER-JESUS: Um...
GRIMACING GREEN MONSTER'S SON: Not you Dad.
TRIGGER-HAPPY GOKU: Who wants to blow it up? [Do it now or Vegeta will]
1-2-3~
TRIGGER-HAPPY VEGETA: MINE! [Been awhile since we heard that] (Called it!)
UPSET DOLT [o-s]: Aw, dangit..
TRIGGER-ITCHING VEGETA: Hahaha, and that's how Vegeta saved- aaaaaarap...
DOLT: Want I should take a swing at it? (Rip english-Canadian subtitles)
DUM CUMPSTER [o-s]: Go to hell Kakarot! [Don't you mean HIFL?]
?? [o-s]: Oh please, do go to hell. [That voice sounds familiar...]
{Gaaaaaaaaaaasp}
It's wonderful this time of year! [Oh, shit]
I should know.... [He's really getting into that flower field vibe.]
GOD'S GRANDSON: FREEZA [Today is Freeza Day Eve]
LORD FREEZA: That's right, Monkeys!
We have returned for our revenge! [Wait, we?]
MONKEY: Is that like the Royal "We"? -Or?
LITTLE PINK PRINCESS: Yes.
LITTLE PINK PRINCESS: Yes. Also no.
Come forth! The Villains of the DBZA movies!
Dick Kicker: Brother, we agreed on Villains of CHRISTMAS past. [I feel family akwardness coming]
VEGETA: Cooler! [Dick-kickings slowly flooding back]
Green Slug Man with an awesome scar: K, so I like showed up in like July, I-I'm just here for revenge, y'know more or less.
Piccolo CHRIST: SLUUUUUUUG! [Nail: Why are you yelling?] [Kami: Why are you yelling?]
Original Black Goku: And I'm MORE than happy to take another crack at this nut. [Wait, who are you referring to?]
Idiot: Dark me! [nay, that one's cooler... :3] [Does he see the future with Black?]
DARK GOKU: Dark Y-{baffled} You remember me right? [He doesn't]
LIGHT GOKU: Of course [Not]
Every time I look in the mirror. (At night)
NEGA GOKU: No, I'm-
VEGETA: Turles, right? [Wait, how does he know him?]
UKOG: Yes!
Oh my Kami, Prince Vegeta? [Is it Kami or Dende?] (Since Dende's the new Dende the word Dende is now replaced with Dende)
KING VEGETA: How's the Tree doing? [You knew about the Tree?]
NOKU: ...Destroyed.
UPPER CLASS: And THIS is why we don't let the lower class have nice things.
APOLITIC GOHAN: And here we go with the politics... [Thats what you get for electing a dog as King!]
RACIST Princess: So, monkeys...
MONKEY: DUDE!
SOCIAL JUSTICE SAIYAN [o-s]: -and the racism. [What a holiday!] [Have a wonderful year!!]
DADDY'S PRINCESS: We're here to make this your last Freeza-Day on Earth...
COOLER FREEZA: Seriously, it's always got to be about you, doesn't it? [Aaaannndd the family drama...]
DADDY'S PRINCESS [o-s]: Well, that is what father said.
LEFT OUT SON [o-s]: He also said he loved us both equally.
SPACE NAPOLHITLER [o-s]: Well, you know how fond father was of jokes!
FIRSTBORN NUT KICKER [o-s]- And that's why he had you SECOND, punchline!
PRINCESS TRUNKS: This is really uncomfortable...
GOHAN: Yup, that's Christmas. [So you better get used to it]
GOKU: ALRIGHT GUYS!
{Power Up}
Let's jingle these bells! [Again with the puns] [Pun Count: 3]
VE-SCROOGE: I refuse to fight for that. [And he never did.]
[Oh yes, fighting at the 5 minute mark... Perfect] [Cue awesome music]
[Well, this is supposed to mimic Dragon Ball, so 1/3 of the way through for fighting is par for the course.]
[Uninterrupted fight scene.]
[Woah, Trunks just annihilated Freeeza single-handed...] (Villain Dead:1)
[Without his sword, too. And that boy loves his swords.]
(Villain Dead:2)
[Wonder what their plan was against the people who killed them and now powered up?] (Villain Dead:3)
(Villain Dea- WTF )
(HIM TOO?!)
(Even Freeza?!)
(Fuck this i'm out they can't die)
GOKU: Killing them isn't working! [Have you tried hitting them really hard]
GENIUS-IN-TRAINING: It's something in the air dad! [Oh, so that's it.]
{Cough}
COOLER: That's right fools! Lets just say you're getting a little more than coal for Christmas.
PUNCHLINE: Freeza-Day!
TRIGGERED BROTHER: F**K [Uh-oh, he pushed the Freeza button]
TRIGGERED BROTHER: F**K OFF! [Ya shouldn'tve did that.] [Cooler: Representing Older Brothers Everywhere]
HOPEFUL GOKU: Y'know Christmas is a time where we should all come together...
[Group comes together]
151 Goku in a new 00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,800 So let's all come together~ [Oh yeah, rip out your sweet juicy power-ooze]
So you can all DIE together!
FREEZA THE PUNCHLINE: Kami-rest ye Monkey Gentlemen.
[Enter Bulma Ex Machina]
VOFDP: WOAH HOLY WHAT THE JUICE? PICCOLO
THE ONLY USEFUL PERSON: Hey everyone!
I ran a bunch of tests on the gas, and I discovered that it's not just coal.
But pure concentrated naughtiness! [From Vegeta?]
So I took some of baby Trunks' blood. [Oh yeah, forgot about that... WHERE IS CELL?]
and synthesized enough niceness to destroy the-
SON WUKONG: Magic baby blood, cool. [Only in DBZ Abridged will you hear the phrase "Magic Baby Blood" talked about positively.]
BULMA: Right?! Now I'm off to go destroy the other machines. [Vegeta: TAKE ME WITH YOU!]
Also visit some African war-lords. [Vegeta: Nevermind.]
PUNCHLINE: Did...
PUNCHLINE: Did... Did nobody shoot her?
"KING PICCOLO": Why didn't you? [Oh great, pass the blame]
THE BOSS: BECAUSE I HAVE YOU FOOLS.
PRICK: I'm sorry dear Brother, but I though it was all about YOU.
DADDY'S LITTLE PRINCESS: Oh stop being a prick... [Don't let you little brother talk to you like that!] [Do you guys not see the King right in front of you?]
VEGETA: HEYAH!
[Various screams of the dying VOFDP]
GOKU: TEYAH!
JESUS: Cathartic as that was, I don't this this is over.
SON OF JESUS: That did feel more of a symptom than a cause.
GOKU: Hold on, lemme check with the big-guy upstairs. [There's stairs?]
*Hey King-Kai!*
BIG GUY UPSTAIRS (t): Oh, hey, Goku! Merry Christmas!
GOKU (t): Merry Christmas King Kai, quick question:
Do you know if anyone is attacking the earth right now? [Did you not just fight four of your worst enemies ever?] (Come on Turles doesn't rank in the first 10)
KK (t): Oh yeah, real suspicious looking mini-moon sitting around in your upper atmosphere.
I was going to tell you tomorrow, since; Y'know, it's Christmas. [Wait, you all just saw this on TV!]
GOKU (t): But it's Christmas Eve though... [Come on, King Kai. That's how DAYS work.]
BIG GUY (t): Not in this timezone.. [There's timezones in heaven?]
Anyway:
That thing is overflowing with naughty energy. [From Vegeta?]
So whatever you do...
Be careful... [It's Goku. Do you really think he can be careful?]
Or don't. Whatever, I'm like, five eggnogs in.
SECRET BOSS: I see...
You have failed me, my dark ornaments.
But,
But, it is of no concern. [That's a lot of Dark Dragon Balls over here]
Soon...
The whole world will know the true meaning of Christmas. [Destroying everything?]
CHAMPION OF CHRISTMAS [o-s]: Not on our watch!
THE BOSS LEVEL: Oh good!
You're right on time.
Welcome to my Workshop. [Workshop of Horror]
The star of DEATHLEHAM! (Admittedly, thats a good one too) [Pun Count: 4]
JESUS: Wait, workshop?
Like,
Like, Santa's workshop?
THE LEGIT BOSS: Yes,
THE LEGIT BOSS: Yes, MY workshop. [Oh, don't tell me...]
{Gaaaaaaaa
{Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
{Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasp}
GIDDY GOKU: SANTA!
GOHAN: Dad, he's the one trying to destroy Christmas. [Who wouldn't after dealing with so many children?]
CONFUSED SANTA FANBOY: Huh? [Didn't you meet him in the last Christmas movie?]
But, that would make him... [Didn't you meet him in the last Christmas movie?]
Evil... [No shit]
EVIL SANTA: I'm the one with the list here.
I decide Good and Evil.
And you're all, at the top of my Naughty List [Wait, but what about you?]
Jesus...
You tried to subjugate the entire planet. [Like 20 years ago] [There's a prescription now, no?]
JESUS: Pfft, sins of the Father much?
SANTA: Princess Trunks
You've completely destabilized the space-time continuum with your reckless time travel. [Insert Xenoverse] (Zamasu couldn't agree more)
PRINCESS TIME TRAVELER: That's absurd!
80's PRINCESS TRUNKS: I have no idea what you're talking about, the space-time continuum is fine..
SATANTA: And you Vegeta; [Oho boy, were do we start?]
Piccolo, I... I mean, just... Wow.
There's not enough time in the day,
But how about we start with the HOLE you put in my sleigh? [So he did hit Santa]
VEGETA THE TRUE SCROOGE: HA! I did hit him! [Then what happened to Tarble?] [We may never know.] [Or care] [Or maybe Vegeta's brother is Santa!!]
SATANTA: Aaaand, yyyooouuu (Son Wukog).
GOKU: Um...
SATANTA: Your ceaseless lust for battle has endangered not only your Family,
but your ENTIRE planet [He saved it multiple times tho] [and Christmas twice, so a little bit more of respect plz]
Time, and time again! (The Earth has only been in danger like 12 times)
[But like, the world would be worse off without Goku's existence. Pilaf?]
You are a danger to the entire Universe! [and somehows manage to save it] (debatably)
DANGEROUS MAN: What? That's crazy! (3...)
How could *I* ever endanger the whole Universe? (2...)
How could *I* ever endanger the whole Universe? (1...)
[Watch the Universe Survival Saga for context] [10/10 would watch again]
SON OF JESUS: Wait but, what about me?
SATANTA: You're actually on the nice list. [Of course, he's the strongest fighter]
M-heh-erry Christmas, Gohan!
NICE BOY: Oh wow! Thank you so much Santa!
I wonder what it; oh, it's Moby Dick.
In French! [NEEEEERRRRRRD]
Merci beaucoup, Père Noël!
[IN ENGLISH: Be my daddy, Santa ;)]
Père Noël: But for the rest of you,
and this unsalvageable planet! [wait but what about Baby Princess Trunks!?]
The only present I have is-
WISTFUL VEGETA: FINAL
FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!! [Since when was it blue?] [Since now]
THE TRUE SCROOGE: GOT HIM!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS FOR VEGETA!!!
UPSET FANBOY: Vegeta noo! [Mindy: Daddy no!]
THE VEGETA WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS: VEGETA YES! [Plankton: DADDY YES!]
JESUS: Okay, so did we just...
Save Christmas?
Again? [Yes]
UPSET 5-YEAR OLD MAN: No, [Yes*]
its ruined... [YOU GUYS LITERALLY SAVED THE EARTH FROM HIM!!]
WE KILLED SANTAHAHAHA [You have Dragon Balls-- I-I mean Crystal Balls! Gotta watch out for those copyright strikes]
SATANTA [o-s]: YOU FOOLS!
You cannot kill Santa! [Wanna bet?]
HAPPY FANDOLT: I KNEW IT!!!!
*Transformation Noise*
[Whoooshshshshsosshshshsoshshshs]
True Final Boss: Prince of the Saiyan, [It's actually King of the Saiyans]
Yule regret your actions against the Mighty Clause! [Pun Count: 5]
KING OF THE SAIYANS: Ah, Yule; Like the log right-
O'HOLY NIGHT!!!
[DUDE! WHERE'S YOUR BODY?!?]
THE MIGHTY CLAUSE!: What you destroyed was merely a leftover shell from my,
Christmas Eve-olution. [ENOUGH WITH THE PUNS!!!!] {NO!} {Pun Count: 6}
You see Saiyans;
You're not dealing with the average Father Christmas anymore. [What... the hell... I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THIS]
AVERAGE SAIYAN: Oh my Dende he's gone SUPER SATANTA!
SUPER SATANTA: And I'm a right grumpy old elf...
[Queue everyone being beaten..] [But why Gohan?]
KING VEGETA: EAT YOUR MILK AND COOKIES IN HELL!
YAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
(Look! I can see their parachutes, they're okay!)
JOHN McCLANE: Yippie-ki-yae MOTHERFUCKER!
[Wait, so they censored "fuck" earlier, but not now? Eh, whatever. Lanipator cursing is always funny]
SUPER SATANTA: You better watch out... [I like this song! Especially the new version]
CONFUSED KING: Umm....
SUPER SATANTA: You better not cry... [You better not lose]
GOKU: {Aw this is my JAM!}
SUPER SATANTA: You better not pout... [You better not die]
But you're gonna die... [Cause I'm telling you why]
GOKU: {I don't like this version..} [Yeah, I also prefer the Futurama vesion]
SATAN [NOT THE REAL ONE]: Santa Claus is taking you DOWN. [Santa Claus is dying tonight~]
GALICK GUN... [Is he pulling a Goku/Cell and stealing a move?]
GALICK GUN... (actually, everyone steals moves, except roshi and vegeta)
V3G374: U W0T M8?
SUPER SATANTA: FIIIRE [Run?] (They're floating they can't run) (They can FLY AWAY!)
SKROO-GETA (o-s): SHIT!
(Big Fucking Explosion)
PRINCESS OF ALL SAIYANS: Why'd you just stand there?
DUMB KING: Hehe,
It's the last thing he'd expect...
DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION: Merry Christmas, Dad... [You know he wanted to say that forever]
GOKU: I got you so-augh!
(At least you tried)
EVIL JOSH GROBAN: What child is this? Who lay to rest, on Santa's lap is bleeding!
[Second time the attack is used.]
SAVIOR: Not really feeling the goodwill towards men up in here... (Where have you been?)
SUPER SATANTA: I'm all out of goodwill,
but here's a stocking stuffer for you! [Attack 3]
JESUS: Starting to get really sick of these Christmas-- bwawawaw!!! [Can none of y'all just dodge?????]
SON OF JESUS: DAD!
I'LL PUNCH YOUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS OU-W
[Gohan and Trunks getting their Christmas lights punched out]
GOKU: {Aw man, this is bad! They're getting pa rum pum pum pummeled up there!} (WAH-HYYY??!!!) [Pun Count: 7]
{Think Goku!}
{How do we save Christmas?}
{Wait, that's it!}
{I see now!}
Guys!
I've figured out his weakness.. [Punching him really, really hard?]
SUPER SATANTA: HO HO H-Oh?
[So he does try to hit him really really hard' hmmm that does work a-lot]
CHRISTMAS CHAMP: You see Santa, Christmas isn't about the Presents, [Is it about figgy pudding?]
[Attack 4]
it's not about the figgy pudding, [...Clearly Goku got hit really hard...] [What about the pretty lights?]
[Attack 5]
Or the pretty lights, [What about the obnoxiously catchy music?]
or the obnoxiously catchy music. [Santa at least?]
And most of all;
It's not about YOU. [ooh] [It's about Piccolo being brought back to life by the Dragon Balls.]
KA...
SUPER SATANTA: Fools! I'll crush your Christmas Spirits! [Attack 6] {ME...}
And then I'll send this naughty world INTO OBLIVION!!! [That was a good game.] [That's funny, I just bought Oblivion for Christmas.]
JESUS: Goku's right! Christmas is about the bonds that bring us together! [Pls don't say "it's about friends"] {HA...}
PRINCESS TRUNKS: It's about friends! [Ok then don't say "and about family"]
SON OF JESUS: And Family! {ME...}
SCROOGE: (most importantly) AND KILLING SANTA!
GOKU: And that's the true meaning of Christmas!
(Cue oversized energy wave)
[Various yelling]
{HAAAAA!!!}
[Various yelling] (Since when was every technique blue?)
SATANTA: HO HO NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [So basically just blasting Santa is how to save Christmas. That makes sense.]
SATANTA SHELL: AHhhhh...!!
[The same attack 6 TIMES. About as original as Xenoverse 2's writing.]
[There goes the Mini-moon]
GOKU: And now, he's Feliz Navi-dead! [I'm about to stop watching this]
SON OF JESUS: And that's the last Christmas pun! [THANK YOU PICCOLO!!] {8 is Enough}
{POP}
(BFE) [How does this not affect the Earth? Its right next to it.]
{POP}
GOKU: Woah! Hey guys!
KRILLIN: H-hey! [Why is he alone with his best friends wife?]
Champion of Christmas! Son of Jesus! Scrooge! Jesus, and Princess Trunks! [Nervous ass]
HOT-ASIAN MOM: Gohan, where have you two been?
SON OF JESUS: We, went to go see Santa... [He's not technically wrong]
CHI-CHI: Aww~ [Wait for it...]
SCROOGE: AND WE KILLED HIM! [There ya go]
CHI-CHI: Oh..... [Not his role-model, thankfully.]
KRILLIN: Heh, guess you had to be there?
Anyway! Who wants Eggnog? [ME ME!]
DOLT: OOH! ME!
PRINCESS TRUNKS: Honestly, this is the best Christmas I've ever had. [I Wonder why...]
KING OF ALL THE SAIYANS: Damn right, a proper Saiyan Christmas!
BUZZKILL JESUS: Y'know a lot of people probably died in that smoke.
DOLT: Oh...
Well we can wish 'em all back...
TOMORROW!
V3G374: YES! BOXING DAY!
{Punch}
PUNCHING BAG: GAH MY 'NOG! [Owned Count, where R U?!]
CHAMPION OF CHRISTMAS: Merry Christmas to all!
And to all a good Fight!
[I'll let that one slide] {Pun Count: 9}
[Rest in Peace] [For those of you who don't know, Hiromi Tsuru was the Japanese voice of Bulma since the first episode of Dragon Ball]
[These were your Canadian English subtitles, have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!]
KaiserNeko: Hey folks! Hope you enjoyed "Plan to Eradicate Christmas"
If you did, how about you take a sleigh right over to our Discord to chat up other fans about it.
And all the other projects we have going on.
You can also ask us questions in the #tfs-qna channel, post and view fan art and more.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays and lots of love from Team Four Star!
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[HAPPY HANNUKAH] [חנוכה שמח]