Hello, I'm Mr. Red.
Well, did you find a good movie, honey?
There's a new Japanese picture at the art cinema, Yakimura Samurai.
Oh, I'm not crazy about those foreign pictures.
When they're finished, I'm always five subtitles behind.
Those subtitles in Brigitte Bardot's pictures don't seem to bother you.
You ever heard of Who Reads?
Oh, mouth to teeth.
To me, you are a combination of Brigitte Bardot, Gina Lollobrigida, and Larry Sherry.
Larry Sherry?
Isn't he a baseball pitcher?
Oui, oui.
But like him, you have the wonderful curve.
Oh, okay.
The last time my husband kissed me was New Year's Eve, 1946.
In the dark, he thought I was a cigarette girl.
Wilbur and I are going to a movie tonight.
How about you and Roger joining us?
Oh, Kat, my civic group is meeting tonight, and I'm heading up a new campaign.
Really?
It sounds exciting.
Sweetie, why don't you join my club?
How about coming along tonight?
Oh, I don't think so.
Oh, you go on, honey.
I think women should take an interest in civic affairs.
Right now, our group is fighting for something important, very important.
Anything that helps the community helps the country.
What are you fighting for?
Benches at every bus stop.
Don't elect a woman president.
At least you'll have a few seats in the house.
Wilbur, are you sure you don't mind?
Not at all.
This will give me a great chance to finish up those Whitaker sketches.
Oh, let's go, huh?
Kat, if I do join, can I be on your committee?
Well, do you like Mabel Benson?
Not really.
Then you're on my committee.
How about you and you'll be late?
These westerns, they all look alike to me.
I thought you didn't like westerns.
I'm waiting for Leonard Bernstein.
Well, you'll have to catch Leonard Bernstein some other time.
I have work to do.
Moe, brow.
Hello, Wilbur.
Oh, hi, Roger.
I can't understand why you don't build an office in the house.
How can you work in a barn near this broken down nag?
I have a feeling that horse doesn't like me.
Oh, by the way, your wife dropped by.
She took Carol to a club meeting.
Club meeting?
I hope you'll have a good photograph of your wife.
Why?
You may not be seeing her for years.
But you let your wife join the women's committee for civic improvement.
What is so terrible about that?
Before Kay joined the WCCI, I had a wife.
Now I find I've married a gypsy.
Oh, she doesn't leave you alone that much?
I have to stick pins in a map to keep track of her.
Wilbur, when you let your wife join that group, you became a husband without portfolio.
A married bachelor.
A man in search of a can opener.
Now, wait a minute, Roger.
Carol would never neglect me for anything.
Mark my words.
The only time you'll see her in the kitchen is when she's passing through on her way to
meet the girls.
Now, you just don't know my wife.
Your wife, my wife, they're all alike.
They get married to escape their parents.
Then they join clubs so they can escape their husbands.
Oh, I'm glad you're in, Roger.
Hey, you left it on your television set.
I must have left it on.
You know, you're all wrong about Carol.
You think Carol is different.
I'd say that by tomorrow, your dear little wife is going to be so involved in her civic
duties that you'll be doing the shopping for her.
Care to make a bet on that?
Any amount you want.
Sky's the limit.
How about a dollar?
You got a bet.
That'll be the day when Carol has me pushing around a shopping cart.
Oh, pardon me.
I'd like three tomatoes.
Beef tomatoes.
Kind Mrs. Post gets.
Mrs. Post.
She real fine lady.
You Mr. Post?
Yes.
I'm helping out today.
My wife is sick.
Oh, that's too bad.
I throw in extra tomato for good luck.
Oh, well, thank you very...
I better throw him a stick.
You need something Mr. Post?
Oh, yes.
I dropped a dime.
Oh, I'll help you find it.
I can't...
Hello Sam.
How are the endives today?
Oh, fine.
I see you're shopping again.
Yes, Mrs. Addison has just started a new campaign with her civic group.
Oh, you're going to be with us through watermelon season.
Excuse, just my customer.
Please, if you must squeeze, squeeze apple.
Good morning.
How come you look for dime here when you drop there?
Well, you never know how far money will go these days.
You feel all right Mr. Post?
Oh, hello Mrs. Post.
How come you're out of bed?
What?
Sam, there's a wonderful picture playing at the art cinema.
Yakamura Samurai.
Why don't you go see it?
No, American subtitles too confusing.
Wilbur, why did he ask me what I was doing out of bed?
Oh, he just takes an interest in his customers.
I'm glad you're going to finish the shopping.
Oh, but I'm not Wilbur.
Darling, I'm on my way to an emergency meeting at the WCCI.
So, would you be a darling and take care of these things after you finish your shopping?
Have a car wash, take shoes to repair, pick up laundry.
I hope you don't mind dear.
Well, honey.
Oh, thanks honey.
I believe the wage here was for $1.
Thank you little mother.
Whoops.
Why do you insist on eavesdropping?
You haven't been around for three days.
I'm lonesome.
I've been busy.
Doing what?
Keeping house?
What's wrong with a man helping out his wife?
Nothing Wilma.
Wilma, Wilbur.
Ted, I admit I have been neglecting you, but really, these committee meetings at Carroll
will be all finished with in about two weeks.
Maybe.
If you were a real man, she'd stay home nights.
Are you suggesting that Carroll is losing interest in me?
If the horseshoe fits.
What am I doing wrong?
Nothing.
That's what's wrong.
Maybe I have been taking Carroll for granted.
After a man's been married for a few years, he stops showering his wife with these little
attentions.
And then, before you know it, strange cigarettes in the ashtray.
Still, I can't remember the last time I brought Carroll anything like, well, like little things.
Like flowers.
Or perfumes.
Or candles.
Or even taker dancing.
Stop jumping up and down.
You're making me dizzy.
I'm not giving up.
No sir.
Boy, am I glad I remained a bachelor.
Honey, I've got so much work to do.
Can I help you?
Would you like to hear my speech?
Love it.
Madam Chairman.
Beautiful, beautiful.
You may get a prize for this.
Oh, Wilbur, they're lovely.
What's the occasion?
You're my wife and I love you.
Now listen, Madam Chairman, it is with pleasure that I report to you tonight that, honey,
that the funds for the benches at every bus stop...
Wilbur, let me finish my speech.
Go ahead, I'm listening.
Carroll?
Very sorely, long number.
Honey, you should have let me talk to her.
It might be something important.
You're a devil when there's fire in your eyes.
Maybe I'd better call a bath.
Come here, you jezebel.
Wilbur, what's happening?
What's gotten into you?
This is the real me.
Ardent, impetuous, irresistible.
Yes, just like a great woman.
Don't you two ever fight?
I can't.
Very sorely, long number.
You know, when you said it the second time, your voice fooled me completely.
Oh, probably an echo.
We've been getting a lot of that in the party line.
Still, I don't mind as long as they don't double our phone bill.
Oh, Carroll, I've got good news.
We just got a big contribution from Mrs. Harding for our bus bench drive.
Oh, how wonderful.
Who's Mrs. Harding?
Her husband manufactures bus benches.
Now, there is a coincidence.
Carroll, you know what this means.
With the added money, we can keep our campaign going for months and months.
Isn't that great?
And, Carroll, you know, we're all gonna have to pitch in and work twice as hard, maybe
three, four nights a week.
Get about the club, honey.
You know you can count on me, Ken.
Did you finish the correspondence, dear?
All we have to do is stamp them and mail them.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Cost $5.
They are divine.
Honey, this is your husband talking.
Oh, heavens, we haven't made up our mind about that yet.
I'm going upstairs now, honey.
Oh, we'll just have to call another emergency meeting.
I'm gonna look upstairs and throw myself out of the window.
How about Mabel Benson?
I think that's pretty good.
We can get some bar food for a change.
That's marvelous.
Now, listen, you've got to know.
I'm gonna dig my heels out, honey, I ain't never gonna come home.
Oh, god!
Hello?
Is Carol there?
Belle et Salle.
Long number.
Get off the phone.
Is this Carol Post's house?
Yes, it is Mr. Post.
This is Mabel Benson.
Oh, Mabel, well, my wife left a message for you.
You are to pick up some stationery at Joanne's.
Or Agnes'.
Or Linda's.
I vote for Agnes.
Get off the phone.
Who are you talking to?
Would you believe it's a horse?
Mr. Post, isn't it rather early in the morning to be hitting the bottle?
Hello?
He hung up on us.
To quote my own immortal words, a man in search of a can opener.
Oh, Lord.
I just got busy with these sketches, so I picked up a sandwich at Hofmeyer's Delicatessen.
Anything wrong with that?
No.
Only I have the feeling that for the next six months, you're going to be seeing more
of Hofmeyer than you do of your wife.
How about that?
You know, it's quite ironic when you think of it.
Our wives out fighting for benches at bus stops.
My wife's never been on a bus in her life.
The club is doing some good, isn't it?
Good.
Two years ago, those women put up a fight to save a park statue that even the pigeons
didn't want.
Still, I'm not going to beg Carol to give up the club.
I mean, if she wants to quit, she can do it of her own will and accord.
I can see you now celebrating your golden anniversary with Hofmeyer.
To fill in all those empty years ahead, I would suggest you take up a hobby.
Perhaps butterfly mounting, stamp collecting, painting, taxidermy.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold it, hold it.
What?
You got it.
Got what?
I'm going to take up a hobby.
Yeah, what, what?
Painting.
You want to paint in the kitchen?
Taking up painting will get Carol back in the kitchen?
Yeah, well, it will the way I'm going to do it.
Now, see, I've got an easel here.
I just need to get some canvas, some paints.
Do you think that's enough food?
Is Mabel Benson coming?
Uh-huh.
Then you haven't got enough.
She's the only one I know who starts with seconds.
Hello, girls.
Is it Halloween already?
What in the world are you doing in that outfit?
Haven't you ever seen an artist before?
Did you get enough air in that bun?
I thought I would take up a hobby as long as you were busy with your club meetings.
Oh, I think that's wonderful, honey.
Tonight I'm going to do a picture of Mr. Ed.
Well, do a good job.
If it comes out nice, he may order a half a dozen.
Oh, I must have got that mouth on canvas.
Oh, there are the girls.
Well, good luck with your bus benches.
I shouldn't have done that, you know.
I may never paint again.
Ed, what are you doing?
Cut off my ear and call me Van Gogh.
What are you doing with my canvas?
Ed, I'm sorry.
I know I've been neglecting you lately, but it won't be for long.
As you all know, our campaign to get bus benches on every corner is rapidly gaining momentum.
The reason for this meeting is to find an appropriate slogan.
Oh, I've got one.
A bench is a place for people to meet.
It's also a wonderful place to eat.
How about this one?
Excuse me.
Sit and leave your trouble.
Hello, I'm Jane Parker.
Mr. Post is expecting me.
He is?
Yes, I'm modeling for him.
But I thought he was painting his horse.
He is.
I'll be sitting on it.
We're doing Lady Godiva.
Where is your husband's studio?
It's that building in the rear, right off the patio.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, Ed, stop being so stubborn.
Nobody's sitting on my back.
You can talk.
You tell it to the model.
I only talk to you and dumb animals.
Very funny.
I'm Jane Parker.
Oh, how do you do?
I'm Wilbur Post.
Didn't you bring your costume?
Sure, it's in here.
Well, you can get changed in here.
I'll be outside.
I'm painting you by moonlight.
How are you?
Oh, did, um, did my wife say anything to you?
No, she just seemed a bit surprised.
Good.
Just a minute.
Here he comes.
It is therefore resolved that the Women's Committee for Civic Improvement...
Pardon me, girls.
Do you mind if I steal these olives?
Are you having martinis?
No.
Janey just had a yen for olives.
Hello, Wilbur.
Oh, hi, Roger.
What are you doing out here?
Well, this is part of my plan to get Carol back in the kitchen.
By painting your horse?
That's ridiculous.
Well, I'm ready.
Oh, this is Mr. Addison, my neighbor.
This is Miss Parker, my mother.
May I split a canvas with you?
Why, it's Roger.
Hello, dear.
I just dropped in for a tray of ice cubes.
Girls, meeting adjourned.
I think I better put Picasso to bed.
Now relax, my dear.
Now smile.
Show me those beautiful teeth.
Not you, Ed.
I beg your pardon?
Oh, nothing.
Just smile, my dear.
Hi, dear.
Hello, honey.
Now let's see those lovely dimples.
That's wonderful.
Darling, it was getting a little chilly,
and I thought maybe Miss Parker would like to borrow my sweater.
No, thank you.
I'm very warm-blooded.
Now, Janie, my dear, lift the knee just a little.
That's it. That's it.
Wilbur?
Yes, dear?
How long do you think it's going to take you to finish this picture?
A few weeks, a few months.
Rembrandt never punched a time clock, you know.
Guess what?
I just resigned from my club.
You did?
Uh-huh.
It was taking up too much of my time.
Well, you know best, dear.
Hey, what do you think?
Not very good.
It's terrible.
All right.
Better take up another hobby.
I think that's a wonderful idea.
That'll be all, Miss Parker.
Wilbur?
Hmm?
What hobby are you going to take up next?
That's a nice hobby.
Ed, Carol and I are going dancing, so I thought...
Ed, what in the world are you doing in that beret?
I got a little filly coming over for a sitting.
This has been a Filmways television presentation.
Thank you.