Hello. I'm Mr. Red.
Morning, Wilbur. Ed, isn't this a beautiful morning?
Only for people. What are you so grouchy about?
Didn't sleep a wink last night. What kept you up?
The smoke from your barbecue. What bothered you, huh?
No. That's too bad. Still, we've got to use the barbecue.
Wanna bet? Hello.
Wilbur? It's that fussy Mr. Goodwin again.
Thanks, Ed. Good morning, Mr. Goodwin.
Wilbur, I've been thinking it might be a good idea to put the fireplace in the den after all.
Fine, but yesterday you told me that... I changed my mind.
My wife wants the fireplace. All right. It's your money, Mr. Goodwin.
Goodbye. That Goodwin. His wife says one thing, he jumps.
Wilbur? Coming, honey. Hey, Wilbur.
Yeah? You're not a bad jumper yourself.
There you go.
One morning, just one morning, I'd like to see go past without trouble from that mischievous horse.
Honey, you can't blame Mr. Ed for everything. I mean, this could have been done by a stray cat.
Well, it must have been some cat to kick over a barbecue and leave hoof prints all over it.
Wilbur, that horse is becoming destructive. Maybe we ought to get rid of him.
Honey, you can't blame Ed. I mean, maybe the smoke kept him awake all night.
He said it gave him quite... I mean, you can tell by his cough.
Wilbur, you never ride him. He doesn't do any work for us. Why are we keeping him?
Well, he came with the house.
Oh, I suppose if termites came with the house, you'd want to keep them too.
Only the friendly ones.
If you must keep him, at least tie him up so he won't go wandering about the place destroying things.
I'll do it right now.
Now, Ed, look, I just saw that barbecue. I'm going to have to tie you up.
But that's slavery. You know, we fought a war.
Ed, please.
Four score and seven...
Well, it's about time you got a little sunshine.
Wilbur, have you tied Mr. Ed up yet?
What a silly question. How's your vegetable garden doing, honey?
Oh, honey, I'm so thrilled with it.
Just imagine, I put a little seed in the ground and up come those beautiful tomatoes.
It's a miracle of nature.
Yeah? Especially when you planted radishes.
No kidding. That garden has cost me $62.
Don't you think that you could whip up a couple of those tomatoes in a salad tonight?
Eat my tomatoes.
Honey, don't look at me as though I were a cannibal. We've got to eat them sometime.
Wilbur, let's not eat those tomatoes just yet, huh?
What are you going to do, make lamps out of them?
Mmm.
What you thinking about, honey?
My spring onion. It should have been up by now. What do you think it needs?
Another spring onion.
So, you know, this garden of yours has cost me a fortune.
What are you going to show for it?
Three radishes, four tomatoes, and a spring onion that can't make up its mind.
You're a big help.
Hey, scratch my back.
Hi, Luther Burbank.
Hi, Kate.
Guess what? Addison's surprising me with a gorgeous mink stole.
Oh, what's the occasion?
My anniversary.
Is it today?
Well, not exactly. It's eight months from now.
Eight months?
As a matter of fact, he doesn't even know he's buying me the stole.
That's the surprise.
Yes.
Well, I'm going to have to ask him to come downtown with me and help me pick it out.
Kate, can we go a little later this afternoon?
Oh, I have to finish shopping by three.
Why three?
By that time, the banks are closed and my husband's helpless.
Come on, put that thing down. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Oh, hello, Roger.
How are you today?
Not so good.
During the night, someone demolished my barbecue.
And there's been a stray cat around the neighborhood.
Stray dog?
Try old plug.
I'm awfully sorry about your barbecue, Roger.
I'll take it.
Hello?
Yes, he's here. Just a minute.
It's your wife.
My wife?
Oh, thanks.
Yes, Kate?
Are you wearing your sweater, darling?
Yes, I am.
Keep it buttoned.
I don't want you catching cold, pudding pie.
Pudding pie.
She's setting me up for something. I can feel it in my wallet.
Just because a wife is nice to her husband doesn't mean she wants anything.
Post, how long have you been married?
Three years.
I put in 21 years.
Take my advice.
When your wife begins to act unnaturally kind, kiss her.
But don't take your hands out of your pockets.
Roger, did it ever occur to you that Kate is being nice to you because she loves you?
That horse seems to have more sense than you have.
But in the future, just keep him away from my house.
Ed, I'm ashamed of you.
Why did you destroy our neighbor's barbecue?
Well, what have you got to say for yourself?
I'm not saying a word until I hear from my lawyer.
Well, I'm going to lock you in your stall until you've learned your lesson.
No, I've got a better idea.
You're going to go without your lunch today.
Well, aren't you going to say anything?
Time doesn't pay.
Go without my lunch?
Not while there's a garden full of vegetables.
Hey, Ed!
What are you doing?
Blocking my plants, darling.
Mr. Ed, Carol's garden is completely ruined.
Those crows will eat anything.
It was you who ate them.
Me?
Then whose hoof prints are those?
So far, that's pretty flimsy evidence.
Why did you do it, Ed?
You took away my oats.
I was hungry.
When Carol finds out you wrecked her garden, she'll insist on getting rid of you.
What are you going to do about it, Wilbur?
Me?
You could cover up for an old pal.
What do you suggest?
Run down to the market.
Buy a few vegetables to stick back into the ground.
Pretty sneaky.
Yeah, I thought you'd like it.
I'll give it a try.
Why do I do these things for you?
Because we like each other.
Get going.
Yeah.
Boy, I got out of that one pretty neatly.
Hi, Roger.
Hello, Wilbur.
Don't tell me you're planting vegetables in the hope seeds will come up.
Oh, if you'll excuse me, I'm in a jam.
Have you seen my wife?
She and my checkbook seem to have gone out together.
Well, I think she went shopping with my wife.
Then she'll be returning soon.
Yeah, the banks have just closed.
Wilbur, I don't think you're well.
Ed, she's here.
Thanks, Carol.
It's a lovely stove, Kay, and I know you'll look just beautiful in it.
Well, I hope Addison will think so.
When are you going to show it to him?
I may have to break it to him gently.
Maybe I'll just wear the box for a couple of days.
Thanks a lot, Carol, for going with me.
Well, happy anniversary, whenever it is.
Kay, good luck.
I'll need it.
Uh-oh, here she comes.
Relax, Wilbur.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh!
Hello, Wilbur.
Carol, oh, darling.
Sweetheart.
Why, what have we here?
Don't you recognize the vegetables from my garden?
Yes, they're beautiful.
Aren't they?
You know, this is the most amazing tomato I ever grew.
Really?
It grew without a stem, upside down, and all tied up.
Nature is wonderful.
And just look at these radishes.
Oh, those are lovely radishes.
You should win a prize with those.
I should.
You see, I planted red radishes and white ones came up.
Wilbur, what happened to my beautiful garden?
Honey, it was an accident.
It was that horse again, and now don't you try to cover up for him.
It was all my fault.
You see, I took his oats away, and he was very hungry.
He promised he'd never do it again.
He promised?
What I mean is you could tell by the look on his face that he was sorry.
You're always alibiing for him.
Sometimes I think you love that horse more than you do me.
Just a minute.
And if he could cook, I'd be without a job.
You would not.
Well, as far as I'm concerned, if you love that horse so much, you could sleep in the barn with him.
Carol, you don't mean that.
Oh, yes, I do.
And for your sake, I hope your friend doesn't snort.
Whoa!
Buddy boy.
What do you want?
So it won't be a total loss.
Pass me those vegetables, hmm?
Hmm?
Carol thinks I'm going to call her and apologize.
She's mistaken.
Uh, Wilbur, next time get my pizza pie with anchovies.
You know, just between the two of us, Carol is perfectly justified in being angry with you.
You had no right to eat her vegetables.
Look who's talking.
You stuck those vegetables in the ground, not me.
Andre.
Sit, I'll get it.
Never mind.
Hello, honey.
This is Mr. Goodwin again.
Oh.
All right, I'll put the fireplace back, Mr. Goodwin.
Goodbye.
You know, maybe I ought to call Carol.
Wilbur.
You're right.
Any woman who would allow her husband to sleep in a broken-down stable...
Please, you're talking about our home.
Come in, honey.
Please, you're talking to your next-door neighbor.
Somebody here?
No, I was just talking to myself.
Oh.
I understand you're going to be sleeping in the stable tonight.
Oh, news gets around quick, doesn't it?
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
I've got work to do.
Besides, this isn't really a stable, this is my office.
Oh, sure, sure.
And I see you've engaged a secretary to take short-hand.
Mr. Ed.
My boy, do you know where you made your first mistake?
Getting married?
No.
There's nothing wrong with marriage, provided there is just one in the family who wears the pants.
I'll take it.
Excuse me.
Hello, honey.
Oh, no, Wilbur, this is Kay.
Is Addison there?
Yes.
Your pants is on the phone.
Yes, dear.
Doll, will you please hurry home?
I just baked a special cake for you.
I'll be there.
Baked a cake, huh?
She must have bought something really expensive.
If there's whipped cream on it, I'm bankrupt.
Just one more piece of cake, Addison doll.
Really, Kay, three pieces are sufficient.
Oh, but Addison, I...
Well, shall we have the ice cream now or later?
Later.
All right, sweet.
Now, let mother make you comfy.
Here, I'll put this nice pillow behind you.
Now, lay back, you've had a hard day.
Here's the evening paper for you.
Thank you.
Isn't that nice?
Nice.
Now, just you relax, dear.
Relax, dear.
It goes back in the morning.
You could at least look at it.
Beautiful.
It still goes back in the morning.
I'm keeping it.
Oh, is it going to be one of those nights?
Am I losing the ice cream, too?
I'm keeping the stole.
Over my dead checkbook.
Oh, now, Addison, be fair.
Did I raise a fuss when you went out last week and squandered a fortune?
I bought a pair of socks for $2.
That doesn't answer my question.
Did I raise a fuss?
That stole goes back in the morning.
If it does, it will have to walk by itself.
Are you going to let me have some peace tonight, or must I find somewhere else to stay?
Say, Wilbur, is this animal going to sleep in here with us?
Yeah, he's paid up till the end of the month.
Besides, maybe we can learn a few things from him.
He's the only one around here who hasn't been kicked out by his wife.
I'm afraid this couch is too narrow for both of us.
You know, I toss a little in my sleep.
Oh, I toss, too.
Well, look, you take the couch.
I'll get something for myself from the patio.
Oh, Wilbur, I'm sorry to put you to so much trouble.
Oh, forget it.
And look at it this way.
You haven't lost a wife.
You've gained a stablemate.
Oh, yeah.
Stablemate.
Well, did you get those with chop suey?
They happen to be a gift from Kay.
Is that what started the fight?
No, our little tiff revolved around a mink stole my dear wife purchased this afternoon.
Oh, is that why she was buttering you up all day?
This was more of a lubrication job.
Take heed, folks.
Females are tricky creatures.
They don't have teeth but fangs.
Not nails but claws.
And instead of a heart, a charger plate.
If you feel that way about women, why did you get married?
Man does not live by bread alone.
Come on, admit it.
You know you're crazy about your wife.
Of course I am, but I dare not tell her that.
It would destroy our entire relationship.
I'm crazy about Carol, too.
So why are we sleeping in the barn?
We are teaching them a lesson.
Oh, thank heaven that sleeping pill is beginning to take effect.
Gesundheit.
Of all things.
I'm allergic to hay.
Gesundheit.
Thank you, Wilbur.
You better cover up, boy.
You sound a little hoarse.
Yeah.
Night.
Oh!
That stall still goes back in the morning.
Oh!
Maybe I can help.
Darling, I'm sor...
Oh, hi, Carol.
I thought it was my diamond Jim Brady.
Do you mind if I come in, Kay?
Glad to have you, honey.
I was getting tired talking to my mink.
Kay, I have something to tell you.
Oh?
Maybe we were wrong.
Maybe we should tell them.
We asked them to come home.
Well, I don't know, honey.
What was that?
Do you think it could be prowlers?
Louie, this joint looks like a pushover.
But don't use the rods unless you have to.
Let's get out of here quick.
Wilbur!
Wilbur, wake up!
Wake up, Wilbur!
What happened? What's wrong?
There are prowlers outside.
They're trying to rob the house.
Prowlers? Prowlers?
Wake up, honey.
They're going to rob the house.
It still goes back in the morning.
Oh, dear.
Be careful, darling.
They were right under that window.
Huh.
There's nobody here but...
but Ed.
Hi.
They seem to be gone, darling.
Mr. Ed must have scared them away.
Mr. Ed?
Yeah, pretty smart, huh?
Smart? He's wonderful.
You still want to get rid of him?
Oh, no, honey.
I'm so ashamed of myself.
Believe me, if Ed could talk,
he'd forgive you.
Come on, honey.
It's nice of you to drive me downtown, Wilbur.
Kay is using my car.
That's all right.
And I'm sorry I took that sleeping pill last night
and wasn't able to assist you in that emergency.
Oh, that's okay.
There were only four burglars,
so I was able to handle it all.
Four, huh?
Yeah. Well, where are we going?
To the fur shop.
Fur shop?
I told you, I wear the pants in my family.
And this morning, when I insisted on returning this mink stole,
Kay gave it to me without an argument.
Oh, well, let's go.
This has been a Filmways television presentation.