WEBVTT

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Hello, I'm Mr. Red.

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A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse, of course,

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that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Red.

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Go right to the source and ask the horse, he'll give you the answer that you endorse.

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He's always on a steady course, talk to Mr. Red.

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Right there by that fence, honey. Perfect spot for a picture.

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Okay, honey.

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Edison Doll, how about a picture of you? Those baby blue eyes would look beautiful in color.

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I don't deny that, my dear, but I'm a little weary.

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Oh, please, just one picture for my wallet.

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That'd be the closest I've been to my money in a long time.

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Hold it just a minute while I focus, honey. There.

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Howdy, folks.

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Oh, darn.

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Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, did I spoil your snapshot?

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That's okay. She's got special rates for group pictures.

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You folks interested, maybe, in buying some doodads for the house?

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I'm running an auction here this Sunday.

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Auction? What auction? Where? What are they selling and how many to a customer?

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Auction? Where?

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Kay, let's go home.

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Come this Sunday, you'll be able to pick up some real fine bargains at Z. Dowd's.

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I'm selling everything on this farm from soup to nuts.

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We have plenty of both, thank you. Come on, let's go.

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Oh, I've got to see what he's selling.

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Right this way, ma'am, through the gate.

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That woman will buy anything.

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To Kay, the world is just one great big department store.

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Come on, Roger, it's only money.

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I'm glad it's yours.

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Well, thank you.

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Sit up on the fence for one more, honey.

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I?

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Oh, move over just a little bit.

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I want to get the horse in the background. Make it look real country.

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Okay.

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Sit back a little more, Roger.

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Sit back a little more.

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Oh, a little more.

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Wilbur? Where are you?

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Wilbur!

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Oh, honey, are you all right?

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I don't know.

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Does that camera take x-ray pictures?

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There's nothing funny about falling off a fence. It can happen to anybody.

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It's never happened to me.

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Wilbur, are you in there?

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Yes, Roger.

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Wilbur, I picked up your snapshots at the drugstore.

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Oh, thank you.

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I'll have to go back and get them.

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I picked up your snapshots at the drugstore.

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Oh, thank you. Roger, how much do I owe you?

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Nothing. If you will help me on this auction business.

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Oh, Kay still wants to go to the auction on Sunday, huh?

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That's all she talks about. She wants to pick up a few things for our backyard.

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Like what?

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Oh, a wagon wheel, a kerosene lamp, an old water pump.

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She'd buy the farmer if he were marked down.

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I don't think that my wife's any different.

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Now, remember, we've got to stick together on this.

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No auction this Sunday. Right? Right.

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Oh, brother.

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What's so funny?

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When I fell off the fence, all...

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all Carol got was a picture of an old plow horse.

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Don't laugh. Some of my best friends pull plows.

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Let me see it.

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Wait till Carol sees this shot.

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Uh-huh.

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Wait a minute.

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What's the matter, Ed?

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That horse in the picture.

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What about her?

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She's my mother.

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Well, there she is.

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Are you sure that's your mother?

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That's Mama.

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Go ahead. Go over to her.

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How do I look?

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You look fine.

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Is my hair combed?

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Yes. Now, look, stop being so nervous.

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Mom taught us kids to be neat.

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Your hair is combed, your shoes are shined, you look great.

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Go over to her.

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Okay.

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Fine-looking horse you got there, mister.

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Oh, hello, Mr. Dowd.

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Say, aren't you the fellow that fell off my fence a couple of days ago?

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That's right.

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Hey, your horse seems to like Betsy.

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I'll sell her to you real cheap.

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Of course, she ain't nothing but a broken-down old plug.

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Ah!

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What's wrong with him?

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You insulted his mother.

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His mother?

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Yeah. He recognized her from a snapshot we took.

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Who recognized her?

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Her son. My horse, Ed.

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Well, uh, excuse me.

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I... I got some butter to churn.

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Calling Mom an old plug.

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I should have kicked him in his rutabaga.

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Yeah, please. Mr. Dowd didn't mean it.

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Hello, Betsy. You've got a wonderful son.

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No use, Wilbur. She doesn't understand.

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You mean she doesn't talk like you?

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Nope. I'm the only black sheep in the family.

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Then how do you communicate with her?

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Horse talk.

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You know, we were here before people.

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Tell her I like her.

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Mmm.

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Mmm.

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Mmm.

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Okay.

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Buy my mother and let's go home.

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Gee, I don't know, Ed.

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I'm gonna have to ask Carol first.

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But I don't want my mother pulling a plow.

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I know how you feel, Ed.

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Well, tell your mother I'll do my best.

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Carol?

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Yes?

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Come here, dear.

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Oh, I've missed you.

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We've been together all evening.

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No, we haven't. You've been in that kitchen for five minutes.

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Oh, Wilbur.

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You know when I miss you most?

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When I'm on my horse.

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What?

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Yeah. You know, some days when I'm riding along on Mr. Ed,

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I just wish you were right there with me.

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Wouldn't it be a little crowded in the saddle?

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Carol, I've been thinking about buying you a horse.

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Two horses?

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Well, isn't that a little extravagant?

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I mean, the upkeep and...

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Oh, what's money when you're riding alongside the woman you love?

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Wilbur, you know I don't ride very well.

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Yeah, I know.

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And that's why I was looking around and I found a real gentle horse.

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You'll love her.

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Oh, where did you find this horse?

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Well, you remember that picture you took when I fell off the fence?

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Mm-hmm.

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No!

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You mean you want me to ride that...

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that decrepit old plow horse?

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Please. You're talking about somebody's mother.

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I get it, Wilbur. We just don't need two horses.

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I'll make a deal with you.

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You ride Ed and I'll ride the plow horse.

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That's absurd.

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I'll finish the dishes and we'll go to a movie, huh?

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Don't worry, Mama.

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You're not gonna pull that plow much longer.

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I know I was a kooky kid, but I've sold my wild oats.

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I'm gonna take care of you in your old age.

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Old age.

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Hi, Ed.

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Hi, Wilbur.

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When do we pick up Mother?

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I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

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Carol just doesn't want another horse.

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Oh.

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Look, I'm not giving up.

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She wants to go to a movie tonight, so I'll pick a real sentimental one.

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Maybe this will soften her up.

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Chin up, Mom.

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Your little Edward ain't letting you down.

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I isn't.

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Mother, you are growing old.

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Silver thread among the gold.

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Oh, come in, neighbors.

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Hi, kids. Too late for a cup of coffee?

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No, come on in.

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Oh, good. How was the picture, darlings?

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Great. Just great.

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All about a son's love for his mother.

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We're not getting another horse.

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Is that the name of the picture?

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Wilbur wants to buy that plow horse we saw at the farm the other day.

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Oh, that's the place we're going to this Sunday.

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Kay, dear, I told you we are not going to that auction.

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She's a real sweet horse.

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But all I want to do is pick up a few things for the backyard.

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It was our front yard before she started adding things.

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She's the gentlest thing you've ever seen.

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You wouldn't think so if you lived with her.

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I'm talking about the horse.

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We're not getting any horse.

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Did my husband call me a horse?

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I'm talking about Ed's mother.

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Ed's mother?

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He had one, you know.

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Well, most of us do.

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Will somebody please tell me what we're talking about?

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My husband wants to buy another horse.

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This is not just another horse. This is Ed's mother.

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Really?

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How do you know?

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He says that Mr. Ed recognized his mother from the picture I took.

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Pardon me, I've got to bed down my horse.

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Does he really want to buy that old plow horse?

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Well, you know how Wilbur loves animals.

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If it were up to him, we'd be living in a zoo.

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Ed's Mother

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Well?

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I'm sorry, Ed. Carol said no again.

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Did you tell her it's my mother?

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Yeah, she just doesn't believe me.

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Does she want to see my birth certificate?

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Yes, Ed. It's hopeless.

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Uh, Wilbur.

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Yeah?

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Would you let your mother pull a plow?

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Big deal.

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Where's the phone directory?

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I'll call Dad myself.

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Hello, Ed.

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Hello.

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Don't worry, Mom.

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What is your mother doing here?

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What mother?

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Tell me, what? How did she get in here?

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You bought her.

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Me? What are you talking about?

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Okay, so I bought her.

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What did you do?

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I called up Dowd and I told him I was your business manager.

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You didn't?

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Just send him a check for $50.

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Oh, I gotta keep Carol out of here.

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Carol's coming. If she sees your mother, she'll kick us both out.

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Don't let her come in here.

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How? How am I going to keep her out?

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Fiddle buster.

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Honey, I brought you some lunch.

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Sandwich, some milk and some cookies.

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Thank you. I'll eat it out here.

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In this wind?

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What wind?

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Oh, Wilbur.

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I like to eat outdoors. It's invigorating.

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Oh, honey, I don't have time. I have a roasting oven.

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You shouldn't have done this, Ed.

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Carol's going to think I did it behind her back.

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Look at her, Wilbur. Isn't she beautiful?

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I better find a place to hide her while I try to get Carol to accept her.

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Mm-hmm.

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Addison's garage.

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Bless you, Wilbur.

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Fine lad.

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I'm going to get you.

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The line's busy.

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Ed, I better take your mother right over there.

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Mr. Dowd, what time are you starting your auction tomorrow?

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11 o'clock? Fine. We'll be there. And I...

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The voice you have just heard has been disconnected.

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You shouldn't have done that.

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Woman, have a heart. We've got a whole garage full of junk.

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It's not junk.

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We have enough grandfather clocks to start an old folks' home.

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Oh, really, Roger. Stop exaggerating. I'm going to use everything I bought.

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Kay, dear heart, light of my life,

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what do you intend to do with the spinning wheel you bought three years ago?

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Well, I... I may make a platter out of it.

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You'd make a platter out of anything, wouldn't you?

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Addison, please, doll. Let's go Sunday.

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I promise you I won't buy. I'll just look.

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Well, if you must look, come and have a look at the pawn shop

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we laughingly call our garage.

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Oh, really, Roger. What are you trying to prove?

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I know what I bought.

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I just want you to see why I have to park my car in the driveway every night.

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Addison, I know what's in this garage,

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and it's all stuff that we can use someday.

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What kind of a platter is that going to make?

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How did that get here?

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Why, it's that old plow horse that Wilbur wanted to buy.

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Wilbur, where do you think I ought to take her on Mother's Day?

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Dad, we're going to have a lot of trouble with Carol.

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You should never have phoned Mr. Dowd.

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There comes a time when a horse has to take matters into his own hooves.

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Well, I'd better phone Roger again and tell him I've got your mother in his garage.

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Moo, moo, moo, moo, moo, moo.

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Anything else I can get you, dear?

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No, thank you, honey.

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Are you still angry with me, darling? I mean, about the other horse?

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No, no, I see your side of it, dear.

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I just hope you'll change your mind.

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I don't want to see you obstinate.

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That's my girl.

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I mean, just promise me you'll keep an open mind. Sleep on it, huh?

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All right, Wilbur. I'd better get back to my roast.

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Let me carry that for you.

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Honey, if you change your mind about that other horse, I think I can get you a quick delivery.

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Wilbur.

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I, uh, believe this belongs to your herd.

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Roger, where'd you get the horse?

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Do you like horses? Carol?

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Wilbur, there must be an explanation for this.

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Yeah? Well, let's hear it.

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Wilbur, how could you?

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You'll excuse me if I miss this preliminary bout.

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I'm fighting in the main event next door.

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Keep an open mind. Quick delivery.

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That horse goes to the barn.

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Keep an open mind. Quick delivery. That horse goes back this instant.

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Carol.

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Wilbur, right now.

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Carol, please.

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Right now, Wilbur. Take that horse back right now.

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Oh!

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Ed, I'm sorry. I tried.

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Can I say goodbye to Mama?

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Oh, my God.

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Hmm. Hmm.

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Cheer up, Ed.

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Hmm.

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Mother, you are growing old.

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Silver threads among the gold. Hmm.

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Breakfast in a few minutes.

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Is he still angry about returning that other horse?

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I guess so.

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Husbands can be so stubborn.

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Do you know that Addison actually believes that I'm not going to that auction today?

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And you're not.

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Yes, I am.

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Good morning, Wilbur. No, you're not.

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Good morning, Wilbur. Yes, I am.

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Good morning. What's going on around here?

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Oh, they're just discussing going to the auction today.

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And we decided against it.

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Carol would like to go.

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Only if it's all right with you, dear.

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Oh, yeah. Well, no.

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No, I thought we'd just relax around the house today.

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Wilbur, you're a man after my own heart.

19:22.000 --> 19:25.000
Well, I'll be right back. I've got to feed Ed.

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Hurry, dear. Breakfast will be ready in just a few minutes.

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Morning, Ed. How's...

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Ed?

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Went home to mother.

19:55.000 --> 19:57.000
He must have just left.

19:57.000 --> 20:00.000
The crown is still wet.

20:00.000 --> 20:02.000
Addison, please.

20:02.000 --> 20:06.000
I promise you that we'll only stay at the auction for an hour.

20:06.000 --> 20:08.000
Half hour?

20:08.000 --> 20:10.000
Breakfast is ready.

20:10.000 --> 20:12.000
Fifteen minutes?

20:12.000 --> 20:14.000
We'll just drive by?

20:14.000 --> 20:17.000
My dear, you are not buying any wagon wheels today.

20:17.000 --> 20:20.000
Wilbur and I have decided against it.

20:20.000 --> 20:23.000
Why do you men always stick together?

20:23.000 --> 20:27.000
Because every day of a married man's life is Custer's last stand.

20:27.000 --> 20:31.000
Well, let's finish up breakfast and get down to that auction.

20:33.000 --> 20:36.000
I have just been scalped.

20:49.000 --> 20:52.000
All right, folks, the auction will start in a few minutes.

20:52.000 --> 20:55.000
The auction will start in a few minutes now.

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Pardon me, sir.

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Yes, sir, what can I... Oh, it's you.

21:05.000 --> 21:08.000
Now, look, Mr. Post, that wasn't fair.

21:08.000 --> 21:11.000
Buying my horse on the telephone and then sending her back.

21:11.000 --> 21:15.000
Anything you buy today is strictly cash on the barrel head.

21:15.000 --> 21:18.000
I'm sorry. Have you seen my horse around here?

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What makes you think he'd be around here?

21:20.000 --> 21:23.000
Well, he left a note saying he was going back to mother.

21:28.000 --> 21:31.000
Well, uh, I...

21:31.000 --> 21:34.000
I guess I'd better start the auction.

21:41.000 --> 21:44.000
Wilbur, have you seen Kay? I've been looking all over for her.

21:44.000 --> 21:46.000
No.

21:46.000 --> 21:49.000
I've got to find her before the bidding starts or I'll walk home in a barrel.

21:49.000 --> 21:52.000
All right, folks. All right, gather around.

21:52.000 --> 21:56.000
Now, we got some right powerful bargains for you lucky people.

21:56.000 --> 22:00.000
Now, the first item is this sturdy plow horse.

22:00.000 --> 22:03.000
Got a lot of hard working years left in her yet.

22:03.000 --> 22:05.000
Now, who'll start the bidding?

22:05.000 --> 22:06.000
$10.

22:06.000 --> 22:07.000
$15.

22:07.000 --> 22:09.000
$20.

22:09.000 --> 22:12.000
All right, I hear $20. Do I hear $25?

22:12.000 --> 22:13.000
$25.

22:13.000 --> 22:15.000
$30.

22:15.000 --> 22:16.000
$35.

22:16.000 --> 22:19.000
$35. I have $35. Do I hear $40?

22:19.000 --> 22:21.000
Ed, what are you doing?

22:21.000 --> 22:24.000
Buying my mother. Do you mind?

22:24.000 --> 22:26.000
$40 anyone? $40, $40, $40 anyone?

22:26.000 --> 22:27.000
Thank you.

22:27.000 --> 22:29.000
But you know we can't take her home.

22:29.000 --> 22:31.000
$45.

22:31.000 --> 22:34.000
$45. I have $45. Do I hear $50?

22:34.000 --> 22:37.000
Ed, you don't have any money. How are you going to pay?

22:37.000 --> 22:39.000
This is my mother.

22:39.000 --> 22:44.000
I'll beg, I'll work, I'll steal, I'll do anything.

22:44.000 --> 22:46.000
$50, $50, do I hear $50?

22:46.000 --> 22:47.000
$50.

22:47.000 --> 22:50.000
Thank you. I have $50, $50, $50. Do I hear $55?

22:50.000 --> 22:53.000
Wilbur, what's Miss Ed doing here?

22:53.000 --> 22:56.000
Do I hear $55?

22:56.000 --> 23:03.000
All right. $50 once, $50 twice, $50...

23:03.000 --> 23:05.000
$55.

23:05.000 --> 23:10.000
Sold to that man for $55.

23:10.000 --> 23:14.000
Wilbur, why did you buy that horse?

23:14.000 --> 23:17.000
Honey, because that is Mr. Ed's mother, believe me.

23:17.000 --> 23:20.000
I bought her and I'm going to give her to some nice family,

23:20.000 --> 23:23.000
maybe with a couple of kids who can love her

23:23.000 --> 23:26.000
and make her last year's happy ones.

23:30.000 --> 23:32.000
All right, honey.

23:32.000 --> 23:34.000
I don't mind if you're an animal lover,

23:34.000 --> 23:38.000
as long as you keep on being a wife lover.

23:38.000 --> 23:40.000
I better go find Kay.

23:43.000 --> 23:47.000
Wilbur, if you were a girl, I'd kiss you.

23:47.000 --> 23:50.000
I think I will anyway.

23:54.000 --> 23:58.000
All right, folks. Who'll give me $15?

23:58.000 --> 24:00.000
Believe me, it's a steal.

24:00.000 --> 24:01.000
$15.

24:01.000 --> 24:02.000
$17.

24:02.000 --> 24:04.000
$20.

24:04.000 --> 24:06.000
$22.

24:06.000 --> 24:09.000
$22, $22, I've got $22. Do I hear $23?

24:09.000 --> 24:12.000
Why don't you go up to $50?

24:12.000 --> 24:17.000
$50 sold to that gentleman with a mustache for $50.

24:19.000 --> 24:23.000
Oh, thank you, doll. You bought me my wagon wheel.

24:26.000 --> 24:29.000
I just bought a $50 wagon wheel.

24:29.000 --> 24:34.000
Congratulations. It should make a beautiful planter.

24:59.000 --> 25:03.000
I was on a steady course, talked to Mr. Ed

25:03.000 --> 25:07.000
People yakety yak the streak and waste your time a day

25:07.000 --> 25:11.000
But Mr. Ed will never speak unless he has something to say

25:11.000 --> 25:13.000
A horse is a horse, of course, of course

25:13.000 --> 25:15.000
And this one will talk to his voice, his horse

25:15.000 --> 25:18.000
You never heard of a talking horse?

25:20.000 --> 25:22.000
Well, listen to this

25:22.000 --> 25:29.000
I am Mr. Ed