WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:07.000 Hello, I'm Mr. Red. 00:07.000 --> 00:16.000 A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and no one can talk to a horse, of course, 00:16.000 --> 00:20.000 that is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Red. 00:20.000 --> 00:24.000 Go right to the source and ask the horse, he'll give you the answer that you endorse. 00:24.000 --> 00:31.000 He's always on a steady course, talk to Mr. Red. 00:39.000 --> 00:42.000 Could you take pictures of both children at the same time? 00:42.000 --> 00:45.000 Sure, my horse, Burndine, don't mind. 00:45.000 --> 00:49.000 She can carry the whole family, and you can climb on too, lady. 00:49.000 --> 00:54.000 Me? Oh, ho! 01:01.000 --> 01:04.000 Gee, you're lazy. Come on, Ed, let's go. 01:04.000 --> 01:06.000 Backseat driver. 01:06.000 --> 01:07.000 Stop kidding around. 01:07.000 --> 01:11.000 Who's kidding? My bunions are killing me. 01:11.000 --> 01:15.000 I've never met such a gold-rick. Remember, it was your idea to come to the park. 01:15.000 --> 01:19.000 I thought I was going to a picnic, not a steeplechase. 01:19.000 --> 01:25.000 You are just lazy. Look at that horse over there, working for a living. 01:25.000 --> 01:28.000 I'll have your picture ready in a couple minutes, lady. 01:28.000 --> 01:31.000 Thanks. Can we all stay on the horse? 01:31.000 --> 01:35.000 Sure. Burndine don't care. She's got a strong back. 01:35.000 --> 01:41.000 Strong back? That poor old horse is ready for Social Security. 01:41.000 --> 01:43.000 She looks okay to me. 01:43.000 --> 01:48.000 Please, she's due right now for the rocking chair and the shawl. 01:48.000 --> 01:51.000 Come on, Ed. 01:55.000 --> 01:56.000 Your picture taken? 01:56.000 --> 01:58.000 No, thank you. No. 01:58.000 --> 02:00.000 Nice looking horse you got there. How old is she? 02:00.000 --> 02:02.000 Burndine's 18. 02:02.000 --> 02:03.000 How old is yours? 02:03.000 --> 02:05.000 Seven. 02:05.000 --> 02:10.000 Although he acts like he's ready for the rocking chair and the shawl. 02:10.000 --> 02:14.000 Yeah, he does look lazy. 02:16.000 --> 02:19.000 Only time he moves is to lie down. 02:19.000 --> 02:23.000 How would you like to buy him? He's for sale. 02:23.000 --> 02:28.000 No, thanks. Burndine's got a lot of good years left in her. 02:28.000 --> 02:32.000 I work her seven days a week, 12, 14 hours a day. 02:32.000 --> 02:34.000 And she never complains. 02:34.000 --> 02:40.000 Well, if you should change your mind, my name is Post and I live on Valley Road. 02:42.000 --> 02:45.000 Funny looking kid. 02:45.000 --> 02:50.000 Hey, lady, they came out great. Beautiful children. 02:54.000 --> 02:59.000 Well, Burndine, so you're going to sell me, huh? 02:59.000 --> 03:01.000 Well, you don't scare me a bit. 03:01.000 --> 03:05.000 No, your four knees were shaking like castanets. 03:07.000 --> 03:11.000 A man's horse works 14 hours a day and she never complains. 03:11.000 --> 03:14.000 How can she? She can't talk. 03:14.000 --> 03:19.000 Ed, someday you're going to find out that you can't enjoy life unless you work. 03:19.000 --> 03:23.000 I've been pretty happy so far. 03:23.000 --> 03:29.000 I can't make a Burndine work 14 hours a day. There ought to be a horse labor law. 03:31.000 --> 03:35.000 Come on, Ed. Let's go. 03:37.000 --> 03:39.000 Hey, I've just got to talk to you. 03:39.000 --> 03:41.000 Why, of course, sweetie. 03:41.000 --> 03:44.000 Are you and Wilbur coming with us to the movie tonight? 03:44.000 --> 03:47.000 I don't know. Wilbur hasn't come back from the park yet. 03:47.000 --> 03:50.000 He spends so much time with that horse, sometimes I... 03:50.000 --> 03:53.000 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know Roger was napping. 03:53.000 --> 03:57.000 Oh, you can talk. He's fast asleep. 03:57.000 --> 03:59.000 Watch. 04:01.000 --> 04:04.000 Doll, I'm going shopping. 04:04.000 --> 04:08.000 I'm going to spend all your money. 04:08.000 --> 04:12.000 Now, if that didn't wake him, nothing will. 04:12.000 --> 04:14.000 He looks so comfortable like that. 04:14.000 --> 04:18.000 Oh, he is. He always sleeps with his hand on his wallet. 04:18.000 --> 04:21.000 When do you expect Wilbur back? 04:21.000 --> 04:23.000 That's what I wanted to talk to you about. 04:23.000 --> 04:26.000 When Wilbur's with that horse, I never know when he's coming home. 04:26.000 --> 04:29.000 He certainly spends a lot of time with that animal. 04:29.000 --> 04:33.000 Tell me, sweetie, when you got married, who signed the license? 04:33.000 --> 04:35.000 You or the horse? 04:35.000 --> 04:39.000 Sometimes I think I'd get more attention from Wilbur if I grew a tail. 04:39.000 --> 04:41.000 Let me give you a tip on how to handle your husband. 04:41.000 --> 04:44.000 It's worked with mine for years. 04:44.000 --> 04:48.000 Now, you see, as a matter of fact... 04:48.000 --> 04:53.000 ...the husband goes to the doctor to make sure that his wallet's on the outside. 04:53.000 --> 04:56.000 If it's on the outside, he can't... 05:02.000 --> 05:06.000 I don't know why I bought you this saddle, you loafer. 05:06.000 --> 05:08.000 I should have got you a sleeping bag instead. 05:08.000 --> 05:14.000 That poor old horse, Bernadine. He works her seven days a week. 05:14.000 --> 05:18.000 That's all you have talked about since we came home. 05:18.000 --> 05:20.000 She's 18 years old. 05:20.000 --> 05:24.000 If Bernadine was human, she'd be 126. 05:24.000 --> 05:27.000 Ed, that is enough. 05:32.000 --> 05:37.000 Would you let a 126-year-old woman carry kids on her back? 05:37.000 --> 05:39.000 If she enjoyed it, yes. 05:39.000 --> 05:42.000 A great humanitarian you are not. 05:42.000 --> 05:46.000 Look, Ed, Bernadine is not my horse. What do you want me to do? 05:46.000 --> 05:50.000 Let her come live with us. What's another mouth to feed? 05:50.000 --> 05:54.000 Don't press your luck, Ed. I have enough trouble with Carol just keeping you. 05:54.000 --> 05:59.000 Will you send me out to work when I'm 126? 06:01.000 --> 06:03.000 Oh, stop being so dramatic. 06:03.000 --> 06:07.000 I can see the inscription on my tombstone. 06:07.000 --> 06:11.000 Here lies Ed. Dead. 06:13.000 --> 06:17.000 Look, I don't want to hear another word about that horse. 06:19.000 --> 06:22.000 Wilbur, I hate to interfere in other people's lives, 06:22.000 --> 06:25.000 but if you're wise, you'll take a little friendly tip. 06:25.000 --> 06:26.000 What is it? 06:26.000 --> 06:28.000 Sell your horse. 06:30.000 --> 06:32.000 Sell Ed? Why? 06:32.000 --> 06:34.000 Either that or sell your wife. 06:34.000 --> 06:37.000 And with the cold weather approaching, I would say Carol is a better bet. 06:37.000 --> 06:39.000 Has Carol been complaining about Ed again? 06:39.000 --> 06:42.000 She certainly has. You know, you're spending too much time with him. 06:42.000 --> 06:44.000 My boy, take a little friendly tip. 06:44.000 --> 06:46.000 Spend more time with a little woman. 06:46.000 --> 06:50.000 And it might not be a bad idea to bring her some flowers tonight. 06:50.000 --> 06:52.000 Flowers? That's a good idea. 06:52.000 --> 06:55.000 But I wish Carol had told me how she felt. 06:55.000 --> 06:58.000 Well, the time to start worrying is when they stop talking. 06:58.000 --> 07:02.000 You're right. 07:02.000 --> 07:07.000 I remember now. Carol didn't say a word just before I proposed to her. 07:07.000 --> 07:10.000 She sat there staring at me. Sort of makes small talk. 07:10.000 --> 07:12.000 I said, how about getting married? 07:12.000 --> 07:27.000 Wilbur, I'll never understand why you spend so much time with that stupid animal. 07:27.000 --> 07:29.000 Shouldn't have said that. You hurt his feelings. 07:29.000 --> 07:31.000 What? 07:31.000 --> 07:35.000 Animals can tell how you feel about them by the tone of your voice. 07:35.000 --> 07:37.000 They can? 07:37.000 --> 07:40.000 Troublemaker! 07:46.000 --> 07:49.000 You're very juvenile. 07:53.000 --> 07:57.000 What about that poor old Bernadine? 07:57.000 --> 08:00.000 That is enough. 08:00.000 --> 08:04.000 Haven't you got a heart? 08:04.000 --> 08:07.000 All right. 08:07.000 --> 08:11.000 126 years old and still working. 08:11.000 --> 08:13.000 Ed, I'm warning you, you better watch it. 08:13.000 --> 08:16.000 How can I through that door? 08:16.000 --> 08:18.000 You heard what Addison said. 08:18.000 --> 08:21.000 I'm paying too much attention to you and not enough to Carol. 08:21.000 --> 08:24.000 That's going to lead to trouble and trouble is the last thing I want around my house. 08:24.000 --> 08:29.000 I'm going out to buy Carol some flowers now and I don't want to hear another word out of you. 08:29.000 --> 08:32.000 Now about that Bernadine. 08:32.000 --> 08:35.000 Now about that Bernadine. 08:43.000 --> 08:45.000 I wonder where Wilbur went. 08:45.000 --> 08:47.000 I'm afraid we're going to be late for the movie. 08:47.000 --> 08:50.000 He's probably out for a stroll with Mr. Ed. 08:50.000 --> 08:53.000 I wouldn't be surprised if he and that horse eloped. 08:53.000 --> 08:55.000 Oh, I'd hate to miss the opening of the picture. 08:55.000 --> 08:57.000 You never know what's going on anyway. 08:57.000 --> 09:00.000 And what sort of a nasty crack is that? 09:00.000 --> 09:04.000 My dear, at the movie you're either gabbing, buying candy or looking for your shoe. 09:04.000 --> 09:08.000 Oh, what a lucky girl I was to have married the perfect man. 09:08.000 --> 09:10.000 No, no, my dear. 09:10.000 --> 09:11.000 You were not lucky. 09:11.000 --> 09:13.000 You were blessed. 09:13.000 --> 09:15.000 Didn't Wilbur tell you where he was going? 09:15.000 --> 09:16.000 He knows that... 09:16.000 --> 09:18.000 Excuse me. 09:24.000 --> 09:26.000 Wilbur. 09:26.000 --> 09:27.000 Telegram, ma'am. 09:27.000 --> 09:30.000 Mrs. Puts... Putts... Post. 09:30.000 --> 09:33.000 Wilbur, this is no time for games. 09:39.000 --> 09:42.000 Congratulations on your anniversary, Mrs. Post. 09:42.000 --> 09:43.000 What anniversary? 09:43.000 --> 09:49.000 You've been married exactly three years, eight months, six days, 11 hours and 12 minutes. 09:49.000 --> 09:51.000 I never get flowers. 09:51.000 --> 09:53.000 Darling, you're right. 09:53.000 --> 09:58.000 Tomorrow morning I'm going to turn you loose in the garden with a pair of shoes. 09:58.000 --> 09:59.000 Thanks, darling. 09:59.000 --> 10:01.000 Thank you, honey. 10:01.000 --> 10:05.000 You know, for a while there I was beginning to think you preferred your horse to me. 10:05.000 --> 10:07.000 Are you kidding? 10:07.000 --> 10:11.000 It may have more legs than you, but in nylons he's nothing. 10:11.000 --> 10:16.000 Well, now that we've had a belly full of this marsh, shall we get on to the movie? 10:16.000 --> 10:17.000 Right. 10:17.000 --> 10:19.000 I'll get it. I'll cut it short, honey. 10:19.000 --> 10:23.000 I'll get the car. 10:23.000 --> 10:24.000 Hello. 10:24.000 --> 10:31.000 How can you sit at the movie while Bernadine stands on fallen arches? 10:31.000 --> 10:35.000 Look, I told you I refused to discuss it. 10:35.000 --> 10:38.000 I'll be right out. 10:38.000 --> 10:42.000 I'll phone you from my office. 10:42.000 --> 10:43.000 Be right back, honey. 10:43.000 --> 10:45.000 Who was that on the phone, dear? 10:45.000 --> 10:46.000 Jerry Williams. 10:46.000 --> 10:48.000 He wants to discuss a business deal. 10:48.000 --> 10:50.000 It's kind of confidential, so I'm going to phone him from my office. 10:50.000 --> 10:52.000 All right. 10:52.000 --> 10:54.000 Oh, honey, don't stand too close to the roses. 10:54.000 --> 10:55.000 Why not? 10:55.000 --> 11:01.000 Next to you, they look like weeds. 11:01.000 --> 11:03.000 Oh, isn't Wilbur wonderful? 11:03.000 --> 11:06.000 Flowers, compliments, kissing my hand. 11:06.000 --> 11:09.000 If my husband acted that way, I'd have him followed. 11:09.000 --> 11:11.000 Oh, I don't have to worry about my Wilbur. 11:11.000 --> 11:13.000 He's like the geyser in Yellowstone Park. 11:13.000 --> 11:16.000 Old faithful. 11:16.000 --> 11:22.000 So young. 11:22.000 --> 11:23.000 Ed, you are acting like a child. 11:23.000 --> 11:25.000 Now, I don't want to hear another word about Bernadine. 11:25.000 --> 11:28.000 But why can't she live with us? 11:28.000 --> 11:30.000 Two can live as cheap as one. 11:30.000 --> 11:33.000 Not when they both eat like horses. 11:33.000 --> 11:35.000 Okay, then I won't eat. 11:35.000 --> 11:39.000 Give her my food. 11:39.000 --> 11:42.000 Now, where's Wilbur? 11:42.000 --> 11:45.000 By the time we get to that movie, it'll be on TV. 11:45.000 --> 11:46.000 Relax, doll. 11:46.000 --> 11:48.000 The price has changed hours ago. 11:48.000 --> 11:49.000 I'm sorry, Roger. 11:49.000 --> 11:51.000 Wilbur had a call from Jerry Williams. 11:51.000 --> 11:52.000 Jerry Williams? 11:52.000 --> 11:54.000 He left for Europe yesterday. 11:54.000 --> 11:56.000 Well, sweetie, he could have called from the boat. 11:56.000 --> 11:58.000 That'd be a good trick, since he took a plane. 11:58.000 --> 11:59.000 A plane? 11:59.000 --> 12:00.000 Yeah. 12:00.000 --> 12:01.000 Oh, no, no, no. 12:01.000 --> 12:02.000 Must be somebody else. 12:02.000 --> 12:08.000 I'd better turn off the motor. 12:08.000 --> 12:11.000 Why would Wilbur say Jerry Williams called if he didn't? 12:11.000 --> 12:13.000 That's a good question. 12:13.000 --> 12:18.000 Kissing my hand, bringing me flowers, full of compliments. 12:18.000 --> 12:20.000 Why is he doing all of this suddenly? 12:20.000 --> 12:23.000 Oh, well, darling, it could be any reason. 12:23.000 --> 12:27.000 Your husband loves you, and he wants you to be happy. 12:27.000 --> 12:29.000 Or he has a guilty conscience. 12:29.000 --> 12:33.000 Your reason will sound better in court. 12:33.000 --> 12:34.000 They're waiting for me. 12:34.000 --> 12:38.000 Poor Bernadine is 130 years old. 12:38.000 --> 12:40.000 You said she was 126. 12:40.000 --> 12:43.000 Well, you know how women lie about their ages. 12:43.000 --> 12:45.000 I have just made up with Carol, 12:45.000 --> 12:47.000 and I don't intend to start any more arguments. 12:47.000 --> 12:49.000 Now go to sleep. 12:49.000 --> 12:50.000 I won't sleep. 12:50.000 --> 12:53.000 Will you? 12:53.000 --> 12:56.000 I don't want to hear another word about this. 12:56.000 --> 12:59.000 It's over, it's settled, it's finished, it's... 12:59.000 --> 13:01.000 Final. 13:01.000 --> 13:05.000 Final. 13:05.000 --> 13:07.000 About Bernadine. 13:07.000 --> 13:09.000 Go eat your hay. 13:09.000 --> 13:11.000 Party pants. 13:17.000 --> 13:18.000 Well, let's go. 13:18.000 --> 13:19.000 Coming, princess? 13:19.000 --> 13:22.000 Wilbur, who did you say called you before? 13:22.000 --> 13:25.000 Hmm? Oh, Jerry Williams. 13:25.000 --> 13:27.000 That Jerry Williams never stops working. 13:27.000 --> 13:28.000 Working. 13:28.000 --> 13:31.000 Here it is, 8 o'clock, and he's still talking business. 13:31.000 --> 13:35.000 Several days ago, we started on an expedition to the movies. 13:35.000 --> 13:37.000 What happened? Have I lost the safari? 13:37.000 --> 13:39.000 Sorry, Roger. Come on, girls, let's go. 13:43.000 --> 13:45.000 Don't be suspicious, dear. 13:45.000 --> 13:47.000 Whatever you think Wilbur is up to, 13:47.000 --> 13:50.000 we're probably mistaken. 13:50.000 --> 13:54.000 I just hope Old Faithful isn't blowing off steam for somebody else. 13:54.000 --> 14:02.000 Boy, that movie really put me to sleep. 14:08.000 --> 14:10.000 Wilbur? 14:10.000 --> 14:12.000 Yes? 14:12.000 --> 14:14.000 Do you like my hair this way? 14:14.000 --> 14:16.000 Huh? 14:16.000 --> 14:19.000 Oh, yeah, I like it right where it is. 14:19.000 --> 14:20.000 Top of your head. 14:20.000 --> 14:22.000 Good night. 14:22.000 --> 14:25.000 Would you like me better if I changed the color? 14:25.000 --> 14:26.000 Huh? 14:26.000 --> 14:28.000 How about if I dyed it red? 14:28.000 --> 14:31.000 Or black? 14:31.000 --> 14:33.000 Or do you like platinum better? 14:33.000 --> 14:35.000 Honey, I'd like you if you were bald. 14:39.000 --> 14:41.000 Don't you care how I look? 14:41.000 --> 14:44.000 Honey, you can be red one day and brunette the next. 14:44.000 --> 14:46.000 I don't care. 14:46.000 --> 14:52.000 I like girls with convertible tops. 14:52.000 --> 14:55.000 Wilbur? 14:55.000 --> 14:57.000 Do you love me? 14:57.000 --> 14:59.000 Of course. 14:59.000 --> 15:00.000 Say it. 15:00.000 --> 15:01.000 Huh? 15:01.000 --> 15:03.000 Say it. 15:03.000 --> 15:05.000 Oh. 15:05.000 --> 15:09.000 Night. 15:09.000 --> 15:14.000 Is it so hard for you to say I love you? 15:14.000 --> 15:19.000 I love you. 15:19.000 --> 15:21.000 I can't sleep. 15:21.000 --> 15:22.000 Then take a pill. 15:22.000 --> 15:26.000 I don't want a pill. 15:26.000 --> 15:28.000 Would you mind getting me one? 15:28.000 --> 15:49.000 You seem to be keeping me awake. 15:49.000 --> 15:52.000 Wilbur? 15:52.000 --> 15:56.000 Is there anything you think I should know? 15:56.000 --> 16:00.000 Wilbur, there's something we must discuss. 16:00.000 --> 16:04.000 I know you weren't talking to Jerry Williams tonight. 16:04.000 --> 16:16.000 And if there's some other woman in your life, please tell me. 16:16.000 --> 16:18.000 No. 16:18.000 --> 16:20.000 No. 16:20.000 --> 16:24.000 No, Bernadine. 16:24.000 --> 16:26.000 No. 16:26.000 --> 16:33.000 No, I can't support two. 16:33.000 --> 16:38.000 Carol would never let me have another around the house. 16:38.000 --> 16:40.000 I can't. 16:40.000 --> 16:41.000 All the time. 16:41.000 --> 16:45.000 Bernadine. 16:45.000 --> 16:48.000 Bernadine. 16:48.000 --> 17:04.000 What's so funny? 17:04.000 --> 17:08.000 Bernadine. 17:08.000 --> 17:10.000 Benedict, ooh. 17:13.000 --> 17:14.000 Aah! 17:21.000 --> 17:23.000 Ready for breakfast, dear. 17:28.000 --> 17:30.000 What's for breakfast, honey? 17:30.000 --> 17:31.000 Your favorite. 17:33.000 --> 17:36.000 Black coat, burnt eggs, chard, bacon? 17:36.000 --> 17:38.000 Where'd you get this, at a fire sale? 17:38.000 --> 17:40.000 You should have married a better cook. 17:40.000 --> 17:42.000 Didn't you sleep well last night, dear? 17:42.000 --> 17:44.000 No, but you did. 17:44.000 --> 17:46.000 With a big smile on your face. 17:50.000 --> 17:51.000 Hi, Kay. 17:51.000 --> 17:52.000 Good morning, Wilbur. 17:52.000 --> 17:54.000 Kay, I wouldn't go in the kitchen. 17:54.000 --> 17:56.000 You'll have all your hit with a frying pan. 17:56.000 --> 17:58.000 She is in a bad mood today. 17:58.000 --> 17:59.000 I wonder why. 17:59.000 --> 18:01.000 Kay, would you do me a favor? 18:01.000 --> 18:02.000 Find out what's bothering her. 18:02.000 --> 18:04.000 You mean you have no idea? 18:04.000 --> 18:06.000 Hmm? 18:06.000 --> 18:09.000 Oh, yeah. 18:09.000 --> 18:11.000 We talked about it last night. 18:11.000 --> 18:12.000 She made it very plain. 18:12.000 --> 18:15.000 Well, what are you going to do about it? 18:15.000 --> 18:17.000 Hmm? Nothing. 18:17.000 --> 18:19.000 If she wants red hair, it's okay with me. 18:22.000 --> 18:23.000 Excuse me, Kay. 18:23.000 --> 18:24.000 I'm gonna feed Ed. 18:24.000 --> 18:28.000 I'm gonna feed Ed. 18:32.000 --> 18:35.000 Now, who's Bernadine? 18:35.000 --> 18:36.000 I thought you were Wilbur. 18:36.000 --> 18:38.000 Bernadine who? 18:38.000 --> 18:40.000 I don't know. 18:40.000 --> 18:42.000 Wilbur talked about her in his sleep last night. 18:42.000 --> 18:44.000 Oh, poor little doll. 18:44.000 --> 18:47.000 Kay, I'm going to have it out with him. 18:47.000 --> 18:48.000 Oh, no, sweetie. 18:48.000 --> 18:50.000 That'd be the worst thing you could do. 18:50.000 --> 18:52.000 Well, what do you expect me to do? 18:52.000 --> 18:53.000 Keep quiet? 18:53.000 --> 18:56.000 Darling, once you tell him you know, it could be the finish. 18:56.000 --> 18:59.000 Just be patient. 18:59.000 --> 19:00.000 Oh, don't eat that, Kay. 19:00.000 --> 19:02.000 I burned it on purpose. 19:02.000 --> 19:03.000 Mmm. 19:03.000 --> 19:05.000 Tastes fine to me. 19:05.000 --> 19:07.000 This is how Addison always cooks my breakfast. 19:09.000 --> 19:12.000 Kay, what am I going to do? 19:12.000 --> 19:13.000 Look, doll. 19:13.000 --> 19:15.000 I'll have my husband pump Wilbur. 19:15.000 --> 19:19.000 Men tell each other things they never tell their wives. 19:19.000 --> 19:21.000 But then Wilbur will know I know. 19:21.000 --> 19:23.000 Oh, no, doll. 19:23.000 --> 19:25.000 Addison may not be the brightest man in the world, 19:25.000 --> 19:28.000 but he ranks with the sneakiest. 19:31.000 --> 19:34.000 I wonder what Bernadine looks like. 19:42.000 --> 19:44.000 Yes, Wilbur. 19:47.000 --> 19:49.000 It won't stop. 19:49.000 --> 19:51.000 Wilbur, stop shouting. 19:51.000 --> 19:53.000 Stop shouting? 19:53.000 --> 19:55.000 I've never heard of such a thing. 19:55.000 --> 19:57.000 The crime is done. 19:57.000 --> 20:00.000 I've already kidnapped Bernadine. 20:00.000 --> 20:02.000 Ed, you are going to get me into a lot of trouble. 20:02.000 --> 20:05.000 She'll never punch a time clock again. 20:05.000 --> 20:08.000 I'm putting her out to pasture. 20:08.000 --> 20:12.000 Ed, Bernadine's owner, this Charlie Woods, just called me. 20:12.000 --> 20:14.000 He knows she's missing. 20:14.000 --> 20:15.000 Where are you calling from? 20:15.000 --> 20:19.000 That phone booth in the parking lot on Laurel Road. 20:19.000 --> 20:22.000 Oh, I owe you a dime. 20:22.000 --> 20:23.000 A dime? 20:23.000 --> 20:26.000 I took it off of your desk. 20:26.000 --> 20:29.000 Go ahead, add robbery to your charges. 20:29.000 --> 20:31.000 Look, I am not going to change my mind. 20:31.000 --> 20:34.000 You know how I feel about Bernadine. 20:34.000 --> 20:36.000 You stay right where you are. I'm coming over. 20:36.000 --> 20:39.000 We're going to settle this once and for all. 20:39.000 --> 20:40.000 Hi, Roger. Look, I got to run. 20:40.000 --> 20:42.000 Wilbur. 20:42.000 --> 20:44.000 There's something I want to talk to you about. 20:44.000 --> 20:45.000 Not now. I'm in a hurry. 20:45.000 --> 20:47.000 But this is important. 20:47.000 --> 20:50.000 You know, there comes a time in every married man's life 20:50.000 --> 20:52.000 when he feels like stepping out. 20:52.000 --> 20:54.000 Don't do it, Roger. Kay's a wonderful girl. 20:58.000 --> 21:00.000 Didn't Wilbur say where he was going? 21:00.000 --> 21:02.000 No. He just jumped in the car and drove off. 21:02.000 --> 21:04.000 But you were supposed to have that talk with him. 21:04.000 --> 21:05.000 I did. 21:05.000 --> 21:06.000 Well, what did he say? 21:06.000 --> 21:08.000 He said I should stick with you. 21:08.000 --> 21:10.000 What? 21:10.000 --> 21:12.000 He never even came in to say goodbye. 21:12.000 --> 21:14.000 Oh, I'm sure this is a misunderstanding. 21:14.000 --> 21:16.000 Wilbur just isn't the type. 21:16.000 --> 21:17.000 Of course he isn't. 21:17.000 --> 21:19.000 And at least you'll get the house. 21:19.000 --> 21:21.000 Wilbur wouldn't even look at another woman. 21:24.000 --> 21:26.000 Where's my Bernadine? 21:27.000 --> 21:28.000 Ah! 21:31.000 --> 21:32.000 Mr. Post stole her from me. 21:32.000 --> 21:34.000 Just a minute, my good man. 21:34.000 --> 21:35.000 I'll take him to court. 21:35.000 --> 21:36.000 There are laws against these things. 21:36.000 --> 21:38.000 You have only yourself to blame. 21:38.000 --> 21:40.000 If you had treated her properly, she never would have left you. 21:40.000 --> 21:43.000 Mr. Don't-tell-me-how-to-handle-Bernadine, 21:43.000 --> 21:45.000 I haven't laid a whip to her in years. 21:47.000 --> 21:49.000 No wonder you can't hold on to her. 21:50.000 --> 21:52.000 I don't want to argue. 21:52.000 --> 21:54.000 Where's my Bernadine? 21:54.000 --> 21:56.000 With my husband. 21:56.000 --> 21:58.000 Ah! 21:59.000 --> 22:01.000 What's he want with her? 22:01.000 --> 22:03.000 She's 18 years old. 22:03.000 --> 22:05.000 18 years old? 22:05.000 --> 22:06.000 That's right. 22:06.000 --> 22:10.000 And she's got another four or five good years left in her. 22:11.000 --> 22:13.000 No way to talk about your wife. 22:14.000 --> 22:15.000 What? 22:15.000 --> 22:17.000 Bernadine is a horse. 22:18.000 --> 22:20.000 He married her. He ought to know. 22:21.000 --> 22:23.000 Look, I don't know what's going on around here, 22:23.000 --> 22:25.000 but where's my horse? 22:25.000 --> 22:27.000 I got to take pictures in the park. 22:27.000 --> 22:28.000 I got to make a living. 22:28.000 --> 22:31.000 Do you mean Bernadine is really a horse? 22:31.000 --> 22:32.000 Sure. 22:32.000 --> 22:33.000 With four legs? 22:33.000 --> 22:36.000 What other kind is there? 22:36.000 --> 22:38.000 Oh, thank you! 22:41.000 --> 22:43.000 Hey, what's going on? 22:45.000 --> 22:48.000 Mr. Post, I've been looking for you. 22:48.000 --> 22:50.000 Where's Bernadine? 22:50.000 --> 22:52.000 She's outside. I just brought her back. 22:52.000 --> 22:54.000 What's the idea of stealing my horse? 22:54.000 --> 22:55.000 I didn't steal your horse. 22:55.000 --> 22:57.000 My horse stole her. 22:57.000 --> 22:59.000 No, I mean, he didn't steal her. 22:59.000 --> 23:02.000 He thought she was working too hard. 23:02.000 --> 23:05.000 I mean, he doesn't know... 23:05.000 --> 23:07.000 Hey, what's going on? 23:07.000 --> 23:09.000 You're a kook. 23:12.000 --> 23:14.000 Excuse me. 23:17.000 --> 23:19.000 I'm not well. 23:19.000 --> 23:21.000 I've had better days myself. 23:22.000 --> 23:24.000 Wilbur. 23:24.000 --> 23:25.000 I know, I know. 23:25.000 --> 23:28.000 You're upset because I've been spending so much time with Ed. 23:28.000 --> 23:31.000 Come here. 23:35.000 --> 23:37.000 Why were you kissing that man? 23:37.000 --> 23:40.000 Wilbur, you're jealous. 23:40.000 --> 23:42.000 I'm surprised at you. 23:42.000 --> 23:44.000 If a couple can't trust each other, 23:44.000 --> 23:46.000 what is there to a marriage? 23:46.000 --> 23:50.000 You're right, dear. I shouldn't have been jealous. 23:50.000 --> 23:52.000 But why were you hugging that man? 23:52.000 --> 23:58.000 Oh, Wilbur. 24:01.000 --> 24:03.000 People. 24:03.000 --> 24:07.000 They sure can get a horse into a lot of trouble. 24:13.000 --> 24:15.000 Well, wise guy, 24:15.000 --> 24:18.000 I just had a talk with Bernadine's owner. 24:18.000 --> 24:19.000 Do you know what he says? 24:19.000 --> 24:20.000 Yeah. 24:20.000 --> 24:23.000 She was a scrawny, unhappy animal when he got her. 24:23.000 --> 24:25.000 Now she is happy and healthy. 24:25.000 --> 24:26.000 And do you know why? 24:26.000 --> 24:27.000 Yeah. 24:27.000 --> 24:29.000 Because she loves to work. 24:29.000 --> 24:31.000 She loves to work? 24:31.000 --> 24:32.000 That's right. 24:32.000 --> 24:36.000 Only through some horses are dumb animals. 24:45.000 --> 24:47.000 A horse is a horse, a horse is a horse, 24:47.000 --> 24:50.000 a horse is a horse, a horse is a horse, 24:50.000 --> 24:52.000 and no one can talk to a horse, of course, 24:52.000 --> 24:53.000 that is, of course, 24:53.000 --> 24:56.000 unless the horse is the famous Mr. M. 24:56.000 --> 24:58.000 Go right to the source and ask the horse, 24:58.000 --> 25:00.000 he'll give you the answer that you endorse. 25:00.000 --> 25:03.000 He's always on a steady course. 25:03.000 --> 25:05.000 Talk to Mr. M. 25:05.000 --> 25:09.000 He'll yakety-yak the street and waste your time a day, 25:09.000 --> 25:11.000 but Mr. M. will never speak 25:11.000 --> 25:13.000 unless he has something to say. 25:13.000 --> 25:15.000 A horse is a horse, a horse is a horse, 25:15.000 --> 25:19.000 you never heard of a talking horse? 25:19.000 --> 25:22.000 Well, listen to this. 25:22.000 --> 25:26.000 I am Mr. Ed. 25:26.000 --> 25:42.000 This has been a Filmways television presentation.