1
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,154
[ANIMALS CHATTERING]

2
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,316
And now for something
completely different.

3
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,277
It's...

4
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:41,746
[J‘J‘]

5
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:51,464
NARRATOR:
Monty Python ’3 Flying Circus.

6
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,564
Hello. Tonight on
Face the Press,

7
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,323
we're going to examine
two different views

8
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,155
of contemporary things.

9
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,695
On my left is the minister
for home affairs,

10
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,616
who is wearing a striking
organza dress in pink tulle

11
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:29,002
with matching pearls
and a diamante collar necklace.

12
00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:32,710
The shoes are in brushed
pigskin with gold Clasps

13
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,841
by Maxwell of Bond Street.

14
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:38,049
The hair is by Roger,
and the whole ensemble

15
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,180
is crowned
by a spectacular display

16
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,806
of Christmas orchids.

17
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,262
And on my right,

18
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,052
putting the case
against the government,

19
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,596
is a small patch
of brown liquid.

20
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,058
Which could be creosote

21
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,194
or some extract used
in industrial varnishing.

22
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,695
Good evening.

23
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:58,315
Minister, may I put
the first question to you?

24
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,240
you claimed
that you would build

25
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,201
88,000 million, billion
houses a year

26
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,208
in the Greater London
area alone.

27
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:11,541
In fact, you've built only
three in the last 15 years.

28
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,664
Are you a bit disappointed
with this result?

29
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,633
No, no. I'd like to answer
this question if I may

30
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,168
in two ways.

31
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:20,007
Firstly in my normal voice

32
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:22,594
and then in a kind of silly,
high-pitched whine.

33
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,554
You see,
housing is a problem really.

34
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:27,219
Well, while the minister
is answering this question,

35
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,103
I'd just like to point out

36
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,561
that the minister's dress
has been made entirely by hand

37
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:34,818
-from over 300 pieces of Arabian silk.
-[HlGH-PITCHED WHINING]

38
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,816
Especially created
for the minister

39
00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,488
by Vargar's of Paris.

40
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,400
The low slim line
has been cut off the shoulder

41
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:44,536
to heighten the effect
of his fine bone structure.

42
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,446
Well, I think the minister
is coming

43
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,081
to the end of his answer now,

44
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,208
so let's go back over
and join the discussion.

45
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,209
Thank you very much,
minister.

46
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,587
Today saw the appointment
of a new head of--

47
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:57,249
-Don't I say any more?
-No, fear.

48
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,094
of Allied Bomber Command.

49
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:04,973
Air Chief Marshal Sir Vincent
"Kill the Japs" Forster.

50
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,679
He's in our Birmingham studio.

51
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:10,767
Hello, sailors.
Listen, guess what?

52
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:14,270
The ministerette of aviation
has made me head

53
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,769
-of the RAF Ola Po/a--
-[DOORBELL RINGS]

54
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,114
Hello. Mrs. Rogers?

55
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,491
No.

56
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:26,119
Ooh, I must be
in the wrong house.

57
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,739
Whew!

58
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,468
[GRUNTING]

59
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:03,031
So from now on, we 're going
to do things my way.

60
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,988
For a start, David Hockney is
going to design the bombs.

61
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,736
-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-And I've seen the plans...

62
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,996
That must be
the new gas cooker.

63
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,407
[J‘J‘]

64
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,666
Morning.
Mrs. G. Crump?

65
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,630
No,
Mrs. G. Pinnet.

66
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,635
This is
46 Egernon Crescent?

67
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:27,514
No. Road.
Egernon Road.

68
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,220
Road, yeah, it says here.
Yeah.

69
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,726
Uh, right, could I speak
to Mrs. G. Crump, please?

70
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,433
Oh, there's nobody here
of that name.

71
00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:36,519
It's Mrs. G. Pinnet.
46 Egernon Road.

72
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,684
-Well, it says "Crump" here. Don't it,
Harry? -Yeah. It's on the invoice.

73
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,105
Yeah, it's definitely Crump.

74
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,066
There must have been
a mistake.

75
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,776
The address is right, and
that's the cooker I ordered.

76
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,531
A blue and white CookEasi.

77
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,196
You can't have this.
This is Crump.

78
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:48,325
Dear, what are
we going to do?

79
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:49,781
I don't know.

80
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,367
What we can do
is take it back to the depot,

81
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,205
get a transfer slip
from Crump to Pinnet,

82
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:54,700
put it on
a special delivery.

83
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,536
That's best. We'll special it
for you, get it there today,

84
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,787
-and you'll get it in 10 weeks.
-Yeah.

85
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,250
Ten weeks?

86
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,086
Blimey, can't you just leave
this one?

87
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,217
-What, this?
-What, leave it here?

88
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,968
-Yes.
-Well, I don't know.

89
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,470
I suppose we could.

90
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,507
She'd have to fill out
a temporary dispatch note.

91
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,432
MAN 1: We could leave
it on a dispatch note.

92
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,184
-That's sorted out.
-Yeah.

93
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,390
What a mess, isn't it?

94
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,978
It's ridiculous,
but there you are.

95
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,514
Glad we could be
such a help.

96
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,398
Right, would you sign it
down there please, Mrs. Crump?

97
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,230
-Pinnet.
-Pinnet, yeah.

98
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,065
Listen, just for the books,
make it a bit easier,

99
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,230
could you sign it
Crump-Pinnet?

100
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,778
Right.

101
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,733
Thank you very much, dear.
The cooker's yours.

102
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,281
Yep. Here we go.

103
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,786
Right.

104
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,363
Sorry about the bother,

105
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,498
but, uh, there you are,
you know. Cheerio.

106
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:36,533
Cheerio, Mrs. Crump.

107
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,122
Hey, e-excuse me.

108
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,160
Cooey!

109
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,088
-Uh, can you put it in the kitchen?
-You what?

110
00:05:42,092 --> 00:05:44,333
Well, I can't cook on it
unless it's connected up.

111
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,593
Oh, we didn't realize you had
an installation invoice.

112
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,094
An MI.

113
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,554
No, we can't touch it
without an Ml.

114
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,260
-Or an R16.
-Maybe it's a special.

115
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,099
No, it's not.
That's back at the depot.

116
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,055
Special's same
as installation invoice.

117
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,221
-|t's an R16.
-What's an installation invoice?

118
00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,514
Pink form from Reading.

119
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,398
Oh, we wondered
what that was.

120
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,058
-These are the forms.
-That's the one, love.

121
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,943
Yeah, this should be
all I need. This--

122
00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,105
Hang on.
This is for Pinnet.

123
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,397
Mrs. G. Pinnet.

124
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,690
That's right.
I'm Mrs. G. Pinnet.

125
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,608
We've got Crump-Pinnet
on the invoice.

126
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,993
Shall I sign it
Crump-Pinnet?

127
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,744
No, no, no.
Not an Ml. No.

128
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,281
No. That's from Area Service
at Reading.

129
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:18,700
-No, Cheltenham, isn't it?
-Not this side of the street.

130
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,043
Look, | just want it
connected up.

131
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:22,499
What about London office?

132
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,380
-No, they haven't got machinery.
-Not now.

133
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,087
What?
The Hounslow depot?

134
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,251
No, they're still
on standard pressure.

135
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,635
Same with Twickenham.

136
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,799
Surely they can connect up
a gas cooker?

137
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,215
We could connect it up,
but only if it's an emergency.

138
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:35,509
-This is an emergency. -No, it's not.
Emergency is a 290.

139
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,302
"Where there's actual
or apparent loss

140
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,016
of combustible gaseous
substances."

141
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,601
-Yeah, it's like-- Like a leak.
-Yeah.

142
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,062
-Or a 478.
-No, that's valve adjustment.

143
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,102
Well, there can't be a leak
unless you've connected it.

144
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,986
No, quite.
We'd have to turn it on.

145
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,738
Well, can't you turn it on
and connect it up?

146
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:52,321
No. But what we can do, and
this is between you and me--

147
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,702
I shouldn't be telling you this.
We'll turn your gas on,

148
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,613
make a hole in your pipe,
you ring Hounslow emergency,

149
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,281
they'll be around
in a couple of days.

150
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,371
A house full of gas?
I'll be dead by then.

151
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,753
Oh, well. In that case you'd
have southeast area manager

152
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,251
-round here like a shot.
-Really?

153
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,667
Oh, yes. "One or more person
overcome by fumes,"

154
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,543
you'd have head office Holbom
round here.

155
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,054
-Really?
-Yeah. That's murder, you see.

156
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,464
-Or suicide.
-No. That's S42.

157
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:15,973
-Oh.
-Sti||?

158
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,509
I thought it was Hainault.

159
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,473
No, central area and
Southall Marketing Division,

160
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,387
they're both
on the S42 now.

161
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,023
-And they'd connect it up?
-Oh, they'd do the lot for you.

162
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,358
They'd come round
this afternoon?

163
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,439
Well, what is it now?
11:30...

164
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:30,196
Murder...
They'd be round here by 2.

165
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:31,526
Oh, well,
that's wonderful.

166
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,531
-All right.
-Okay. Harry.

167
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,699
-Okay.
-Gas on.

168
00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:40,323
-Right, deep breaths, love. -Ring
head office, would you, Norman?

169
00:07:40,377 --> 00:07:42,163
Shango
through maintenance?

170
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,748
No, better go through
Deptford maintenance.

171
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,583
Put Peckham
on a 207.

172
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,463
[CHATTERING]

173
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,170
Arliss, now?

174
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:51,380
Absolutely.
That's Lewisham.

175
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:55,555
What about Tottenham?

176
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,261
MAN 1:
No, that could be 44.

177
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,800
MAN 2:
Bulky, isn't it?

178
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,976
-MAN 3: What about Lewisham?
-MAN 4: Slow us down.

179
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:02,683
MAN 5:
You mean Central, isn't it?

180
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,393
MAN 6:
Or Ruislip.

181
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,312
[CHATTERING]

182
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:15,567
[WHIRRING]

183
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,129
[HUMMING]

184
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:18,964
Good morning.

185
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,302
Morning, sir.
Can I help you?

186
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,512
Help me? Yeah, I'll
say you can help me.

187
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,677
Yes, sir?

188
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,142
I come about your advert.

189
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,515
"Small white pussycat
for sale.

190
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,308
Excellent condition."

191
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,480
Ah, you wish to buy it?

192
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,524
That's right. Just for
the hour.

193
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,688
Only I ain't gonna pay more
than a fiver,

194
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,197
'cause it ain't worth it.

195
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,573
Well, it's come
from a very good home

196
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,081
"Chest of drawers."

197
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:47,663
Chest. Drawers.

198
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,581
I'd like some
chest of drawers, please.

199
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,462
-Yes, sir.
-Does it go?

200
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,590
It's over there
in the corner.

201
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:01,298
"Pram for sale. Any offers."

202
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,760
I'd like a bit of pram,
please.

203
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:08,351
Ah, yes, sir.
That's in good condition.

204
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,565
Oh, good, I like 'em
in good condition, eh?

205
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,100
Yes, here it is,
you see?

206
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,238
"Babysitter."

207
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,489
No, it's a babysitter.

208
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,526
-Babysitter?
-Babysitter.

209
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:22,694
Babysitter.
I don't want a babysitter.

210
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,663
"Be a blood donor." That's it.

211
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:29,542
I'd like to give some blood,
please. Argh!

212
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,545
Oh, spit.
Which one is it?

213
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:35,086
[CLEARS THROAT]

214
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,421
"Blond prostitute will indulge
in any sexual activity

215
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,085
for 4 quid a week."

216
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,346
What does that mean?

217
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:44,678
The Times, please.

218
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,183
Oh, yes, sir,
here you are.

219
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,561
-Thank you.
-Thank you.

220
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,832
Good morning.
Ahem.

221
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,129
Sorry to have kept you
waiting,

222
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,836
but I'm afraid my, uh--

223
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,043
My walk has become rather
sillier recently,

224
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,586
and so it takes me
rather longer to get to work.

225
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,256
Now, then, uh,
what was it again?

226
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,800
Well, sir, l-l have a--
a silly walk

227
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,094
and I'd like to obtain
a government grant

228
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,432
to help me develop it.

229
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:15,019
| see.
Ah, may I see your silly walk?

230
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,059
Yes, certainly, yes.
Ahem.

231
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,203
Uh, that's it,
is it?

232
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,669
-Yes, that's it, yes.
-Mm-hm.

233
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,463
It's not particularly silly,
is it?

234
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,377
The right leg isn't silly
at all,

235
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:45,840
and the left leg merely does
3 toward aerial half-turn

236
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,846
every alternate step.

237
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,679
I think with government backing
I could make it very silly.

238
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:55,188
Mr. Pudey, the very real
problem is one of money.

239
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,352
I'm afraid that
the Ministry of Silly Walks

240
00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,022
is no longer getting
the kind of support it needs.

241
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,111
You see, there's defense,
social security,

242
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,238
health, housing,
education, silly walks.

243
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,525
They're all supposed
to get the same.

244
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,619
But last year,
the government spent less

245
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,030
on the Ministry
of Silly Walks

246
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:15,075
than it did
on national defense.

247
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:18,620
Now, we get 348,000,000
pounds a year

248
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:22,541
which is supposed to be spent
on all our available products.

249
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,670
-Uh, coffee?
-Yes, please.

250
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,588
Uh, Mrs. Two-Lumps, would you
bring us in two coffees?

251
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,802
TWO-LUMPS:
Yes, Mr. Teabag.

252
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,809
Out of her mind.

253
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,139
Now the Japanese have a man
who can bend his leg back

254
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:40,399
over his head and back again
with every single step.

255
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,778
While the Israelis have f--
Ah, here's the coffee.

256
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,281
Thank you.
Lovely.

257
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,746
You're really interested
in silly walks, aren't you?

258
00:13:57,795 --> 00:13:59,285
Oh, rather. Yes.

259
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,170
Well, take a look
at this, then.

260
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,750
[OLD-TIME PIANO MUSIC
PLAYING]

261
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,032
Mr. Pudey,

262
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:40,077
I'm not going
to mince words with you.

263
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,790
I'm gonna offer you
a research fellowship

264
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,164
on the Anglo-French
silly walk.

265
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,753
[SPEAKS FRENCH]

266
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,463
Bonjour.

267
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,382
[SPEAKING FRENCH]

268
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:07,311
[SPEAKING FRENCH]

269
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,791
[BOTH HUMMING]

270
00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,293
[J‘J‘]

271
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,473
ANNOUNCER: And now a choice
of viewing on BBC Television.

272
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:39,010
Just started on BBC 2,
the semifinal of Episode 3

273
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,270
of Kierkegaard's
Journals,

274
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:44,728
starring Richard Chamberlain,
Peggy Mount and Billy Bremner.

275
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,519
And on BBC 1,
Ethel the Frog.

276
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,691
[J‘J‘]

277
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,483
Good evening.
On Ethel the Frog tonight,

278
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:55,697
we look at violence.

279
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,737
The violence
of British gangland.

280
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,076
Last Tuesday,
a reign of terror was ended

281
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,412
when the notorious
Piranha brothers

282
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,544
Doug and Dinsdale,
after one of the most

283
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:07,456
extraordinary trials
in British legal history

284
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,169
were sentenced
to 400 years imprisonment

285
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,458
for crimes of violence.

286
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:12,217
Tonight,
Ethel the Frog

287
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:14,382
examines the rise to power
of the Piranhas,

288
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:17,006
the methods they used
to subjugate rival gangs

289
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:19,266
and their subsequent
tracking down and capture

290
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,644
by the brilliant superintendent
Harry "Snapper" Organs

291
00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,179
of Q Division.

292
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,766
Doug and Dinsdale Piranha
were born, on probation,

293
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,443
in this house
on Kipling Road, Southwark,

294
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,445
the eldest sons
in a family of 16.

295
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,074
Their father, Arthur Piranha,
a scrap-metal dealer

296
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,360
and TV quizmaster,

297
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:40,075
was well-known to the police,
and a devout Catholic.

298
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,742
In January, 1928,
he had married Kitty Malone,

299
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:46,501
an up-and-coming
East End boxer.

300
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:49,459
Doug was born
in February, 1929,

301
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,545
and Dinsdale two weeks
later.

302
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:57,092
Their next-door neighbor
was Mrs. April Simnel.

303
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,723
Kipling Road were a typical
sort of East End street.

304
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,010
People were in and out
of each other's houses

305
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:04,600
with each other's property
all daylong. Heh-heh.

306
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,310
They were a cheery lot,
though.

307
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,270
Was it
a terribly violent area?

308
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,775
[LAUGHING]

309
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:15,106
Yes.
Cheerful and violent.

310
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,449
I remember Doug
was very keen on boxing

311
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,284
until he learned to walk,

312
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,244
and then he took up
putting the boot in the groin.

313
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,155
Oh, he was very interested
in that.

314
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,040
His mother used to have
such trouble

315
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,418
getting him to come in
for his tea. Heh-heh.

316
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,078
He'd be out there

317
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,463
putting his little boot in,
you know, bless him.

318
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,674
But you know, kids were
very different then.

319
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,505
They didn't have
their heads filled

320
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,762
with all this
Cartesian dualism.

321
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:41,177
REPORTER: At the age of 15, Doug
and Dinsdale started attending

322
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,809
the Ernest Pythagoras
Primary School in Clerkenwell.

323
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,346
Anthony Viney. You taught
the Piranha brothers English.

324
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,640
What do you remember
most about them?

325
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,605
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

326
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,347
Anthony Viney.

327
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:32,100
When the Piranhas left school,
they were called up

328
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:34,144
but were found
by an Army Board

329
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,279
to be too mentally unstable
even for National Service.

330
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,657
Denied the opportunity
to use their talents

331
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,192
in the service of their
country,

332
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,784
they began to operate
what they called

333
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,362
"The Operation."

334
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:45,996
They would select a victim

335
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:47,748
and then threaten
to beat him up

336
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,784
if he paid them the so-called
protection money.

337
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:53,250
Four months later,
they started another operation

338
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,756
which they called:
"The Other Operation."

339
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,508
In this racket they selected
another victim and threatened

340
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,170
not to beat him up
if he didn't pay them.

341
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:04,636
One month later, they hit upon
"The Other, Other Operation."

342
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:06,516
In this the victim
was threatened

343
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,518
that if he didn't pay them,
they would beat him up.

344
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:11,397
This, for the Piranha brothers,
was the turning point.

345
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:14,976
Doug and Dinsdale Piranha
now formed a gang

346
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:17,236
which they called "The Gang,"

347
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,021
and used terror
to take over nightclubs,

348
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,236
billiard halls, gaming casinos
and racetracks.

349
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,276
When they tried
to take over the MCC,

350
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,446
they were for the only time
in their lives, slit up a treat.

351
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,990
As their empire spread
however, we in Q Division

352
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,579
were keeping tabs
on their every movement

353
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:32,247
by reading
the color supplements.

354
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,588
A small-time operator who
fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha

355
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,249
was Vince Snetterton-Lewis.

356
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,634
Well, uh, one day
I was sitting at home

357
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,762
threatening the kids

358
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,180
and I looked out of the hole
in the wall

359
00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:47,592
and I saw this tank drive up.

360
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:50,057
And one of Dinsdale's boys
gets out,

361
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,597
and he comes up,
all nice and friendly like,

362
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,312
and says Dinsdale
wants to have a talk with me.

363
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,693
So he chains me
to the back of the tank,

364
00:19:57,738 --> 00:20:00,730
and takes me for a scrape
round to Dinsdale's.

365
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:04,401
And Dinsdale's there
in the conversation pit

366
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:08,321
with Doug and Charles Paisley,
the baby crusher,

367
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,330
and a couple of film producers

368
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,332
and a man they called
Kierkegaard

369
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,619
who just sat there
biting the heads off whippets.

370
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:16,541
And Dinsdale said:

371
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:19,127
"I hear you've been
a naughty boy, Clement."

372
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:22,002
And he splits me nostrils open
and saws me leg off

373
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,045
and pulls me liver out.

374
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,805
And I said,
"My name's not Clement."

375
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:29,676
And, uh,
then he loses his temper.

376
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,469
And he nails my head
to the floor.

377
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:33,645
INTERVIEWER: He nailed
your head to the floor?

378
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,310
At first, yeah.

379
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:38,184
Another man who had his head
nailed to the floor

380
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,148
was Stig O'Tracey.

381
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:42,358
Stig, I've been told
that Dinsdale Piranha

382
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,820
nailed your head
to the floor.

383
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:47,489
No.
No, never, never.

384
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,278
He was
a smashing bloke.

385
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,492
He used to give his mother
flowers and that.

386
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,282
He was like
a brother to me.

387
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,621
But the police have film
of Dinsdale

388
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,832
actually nailing your head
to the floor.

389
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,999
Oh, yeah, well,
he did that, yeah.

390
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:02,500
Why?

391
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:04,714
Well, he had to, didn't he?
I mean, be fair,

392
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,629
there was nothing else
he could do.

393
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,638
I mean, I had transgressed
the unwritten law.

394
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:10,549
What had you done?

395
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,764
Uh...

396
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:14,644
Well,
he never told me that.

397
00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:16,726
But he gave me his word
that it was the case,

398
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,358
and that's good enough
for me with old Dinsy.

399
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,477
I mean, he didn't wanna
nail my head to the floor.

400
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,272
I had to insist.
He wanted to let me off.

401
00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:26,486
There's nothing Dinsdale
wouldn't do for you.

402
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,321
And you don't bear him
any grudge?

403
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:32,033
A grudge? Old Dinsy?
He was a real darling.

404
00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:34,327
I understand he also nailed
your wife's head

405
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:35,786
to a coffee table.

406
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,417
Isn't that right,
Mrs. O'Tracey?

407
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:40,205
Oh, no, no, no.

408
00:21:40,216 --> 00:21:43,458
Yeah, well, he did do that.
Yeah, yeah.

409
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:46,423
He was a cruel man,
but fair.

410
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,679
INTERVIEWER: Vince, after he
nailed your head to the floor,

411
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,464
did you ever see him again?

412
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:54,056
Yeah, after that I used
to go around to his flat

413
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,679
every Sunday lunchtime
to apologize,

414
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,563
and we'd shake hands

415
00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:00,395
and then he'd nail my head
to the floor.

416
00:22:00,444 --> 00:22:01,479
Every Sunday?

417
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:02,735
Yeah.

418
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,524
But he was very reasonable
about it.

419
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,154
I mean, one Sunday

420
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,156
when my parents
were coming round for tea,

421
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:09,692
I asked him if he'd mind
very much

422
00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:11,701
not nailing my head
to the floor that week.

423
00:22:11,747 --> 00:22:13,362
And he agreed,

424
00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:16,157
and just screwed my pelvis
to a cake stand.

425
00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:17,996
He was the only friend
I ever had.

426
00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:19,706
[COUGHING]

427
00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:23,414
I wouldn't hear a word
against him.

428
00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:25,583
MAN:
Lovely fella.

429
00:22:25,594 --> 00:22:29,052
Clearly, Dinsdale inspired
tremendous loyalty and terror

430
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,508
amongst his business
associates,

431
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,799
but what was he really like?

432
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:36,010
I walked out with Dinsdale
on many occasions

433
00:22:36,063 --> 00:22:38,429
and found him
a most charming

434
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:41,189
and erudite companion.

435
00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:43,601
He was wont
to introduce one

436
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:45,690
to many eminent persons,

437
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:49,448
celebrated American singers,
members of the aristocracy

438
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,108
and other gang leaders.

439
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,031
INTERVIEWER:
How had he met them?

440
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:54,570
Through his work for charity.

441
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,329
He took a warm interest

442
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,832
in boys' clubs,
sailors' homes,

443
00:22:59,044 --> 00:23:02,081
choristers' associations,
scouting jamborees

444
00:23:02,131 --> 00:23:04,588
and of course,
the household cavalry.

445
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:07,295
Was there anything
unusual about him?

446
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:09,419
I should say not.

447
00:23:09,471 --> 00:23:13,180
Dinsdale was a perfectly
normal person in every way.

448
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,383
Except...

449
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:19,474
Except in as much
as he was convinced

450
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:23,349
that he was being watched
by a giant hedgehog

451
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:26,314
whom he referred to
as Spiny Norman.

452
00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:28,984
How big was Norman
supposed to be?

453
00:23:29,033 --> 00:23:30,773
Normally, he was wont to be

454
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:33,408
about 12 feet
from snout to tail,

455
00:23:33,454 --> 00:23:36,571
but when Dinsdale
was very depressed,

456
00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:40,367
Norman could be anything
up to 800 yards long.

457
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:43,752
When Norman was about,
Dinsdale would go very quiet,

458
00:23:43,797 --> 00:23:47,460
and his nose would swell up
and his teeth would start

459
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,795
moving about
and he'd become very violent

460
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:52,803
and claim that he'd laid
Stanley Baldwin.

461
00:23:52,848 --> 00:23:55,214
Dinsdale was a gentleman.

462
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:59,010
And what's more he knew how to
treat a female impersonator.

463
00:24:01,148 --> 00:24:05,391
It's easy for us to judge
Dinsdale Piranha too harshly.

464
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:08,607
After all, he only did
what most of us--

465
00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:11,693
Most of us
simply dream of doing.

466
00:24:12,743 --> 00:24:14,699
[GRUNTING]

467
00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:19,367
I'm sorry.

468
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:21,331
After all, a murder--

469
00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:25,245
A murderer is only
an extroverted suicide.

470
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,336
Dinsdale was a loony,

471
00:24:30,386 --> 00:24:33,378
but he was a happy loony.

472
00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:35,004
Lucky bastard.

473
00:24:35,057 --> 00:24:37,719
Most of these strange tales
concern Dinsdale,

474
00:24:37,768 --> 00:24:39,508
but what of Doug?

475
00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:42,428
One man who met him
was Luigi Vercotti.

476
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:45,689
Well, I've been running
a successful escort agency--

477
00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:48,146
High-class. No, really,
high-class girls.

478
00:24:48,195 --> 00:24:50,311
We didn't have any of that.
That was right out.

479
00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:51,695
And I decided--

480
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:54,402
-[TELEPHONE RINGS]
-Oh, excuse me.

481
00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:56,066
Hello?

482
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:57,576
Oh, no, not now.

483
00:24:57,579 --> 00:24:59,490
Shtoom, shtoom.

484
00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:06,036
Right. Yes, we'll have the watch
ready for you at midnight.

485
00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:08,124
The watch.

486
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:12,667
The Chinese watch.

487
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,756
Yes, all right. Bye-bye...

488
00:25:14,972 --> 00:25:16,963
Mother.

489
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:20,304
Anyway I decided then to
open a high-class nightclub

490
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,343
for the gentry
at Biggleswade.

491
00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:25,604
With international cuisine,
cooking, top-line acts,

492
00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:27,605
eh, not a cheap clip joint
for picking up tarts.

493
00:25:27,651 --> 00:25:29,687
That was right out.
I deny that completely.

494
00:25:29,737 --> 00:25:31,773
And, uh,

495
00:25:31,989 --> 00:25:33,604
one night Dinsdale
walked in

496
00:25:33,615 --> 00:25:35,606
with a couple
of big lads,

497
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:39,151
one of whom was carrying
a tactical nuclear missile.

498
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:41,616
They said I'd bought one
of their fruit machines

499
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:43,329
and would I pay for it?

500
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:45,240
How much did they want?

501
00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:47,706
Uh, three quarters
of a million pounds.

502
00:25:47,755 --> 00:25:49,416
Then they went out.

503
00:25:49,465 --> 00:25:52,457
Why didn't you call
for the police?

504
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:56,127
Well, I'd noticed that the lad
with the thermonuclear device

505
00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:58,762
was the chief constable
for the area.

506
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:01,469
Anyway, a week later,

507
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,224
they come back,

508
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:05,352
said the check had bounced

509
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:07,353
and that I had to
see Doug.

510
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:08,605
Doug?

511
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:11,313
Doug.

512
00:26:17,201 --> 00:26:19,783
I was terrified of him.

513
00:26:19,995 --> 00:26:22,577
Everyone was terrified
of Doug.

514
00:26:22,623 --> 00:26:25,035
I've seen grown men
pull their own heads off

515
00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:27,575
rather than see Doug.

516
00:26:27,628 --> 00:26:29,789
Even Dinsdale
was frightened of Doug.

517
00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:31,586
What did he do?

518
00:26:36,136 --> 00:26:38,502
He used sarcasm.

519
00:26:38,514 --> 00:26:41,176
He knew all the tricks,
dramatic irony, metaphor,

520
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:44,516
pathos, puns, parody, litotes

521
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,512
and... satire.

522
00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:50,397
REPORTER: By a combination
of violence and sarcasm,

523
00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:52,728
the Piranha brothers
by February, 1966,

524
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,609
controlled London
and the southeast.

525
00:26:54,655 --> 00:26:57,613
In February, though,
Dinsdale made a big mistake.

526
00:26:57,658 --> 00:26:59,489
Latterly Dinsdale had become

527
00:26:59,535 --> 00:27:02,197
increasingly worried
about Spiny Norman.

528
00:27:02,246 --> 00:27:05,454
He had come to the conclusion
that Norman slept

529
00:27:05,499 --> 00:27:09,492
in an aeroplane hangar
at Luton Airport.

530
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:14,005
And so on February the 22nd,
1966, at Luton Airport--

531
00:27:17,553 --> 00:27:20,169
Even the police began
to sit up and take notice.

532
00:27:20,222 --> 00:27:23,259
The Piranhas realized
they had gone too far

533
00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:24,548
and that the hunt was on.

534
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,050
They went into hiding

535
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,517
and I decided
on a subtle approach,

536
00:27:27,563 --> 00:27:30,054
viz. some form of disguise,

537
00:27:30,107 --> 00:27:32,063
as the old helmet and boots
are a bit of a giveaway.

538
00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:34,191
Luckily my years
with Bristol Rep

539
00:27:34,236 --> 00:27:35,726
stood me in good stead,

540
00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:38,395
as I assumed a bewildering
variety of disguises.

541
00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:39,984
I tracked them to Cardiff,

542
00:27:40,033 --> 00:27:42,365
posing as
the Reverend Smiler Egret.

543
00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:44,072
Hearing they'd gone back
to London,

544
00:27:44,079 --> 00:27:45,319
I assumed the identity

545
00:27:45,372 --> 00:27:47,738
of a pork butcher,
Brian Stoats.

546
00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:49,455
On my arrival in London,

547
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:52,163
I discovered
they had returned to Cardiff.

548
00:27:52,212 --> 00:27:54,749
I followed as Gloucester
from King Lear.

549
00:27:55,757 --> 00:27:58,169
Acting on a hunch,
I spent several months

550
00:27:58,218 --> 00:28:00,379
in Buenos Aires as Blind Pew,

551
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:02,385
returning through
the Panama Canal

552
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:04,922
as Ratty
in Toad of Toad Hall.

553
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,591
Back in Cardiff,
I relived my triumph

554
00:28:07,728 --> 00:28:11,095
as Sancho Panza
in Man of La Mancha.

555
00:28:11,106 --> 00:28:13,518
Which the Bristol
Evening Post described as:

556
00:28:13,567 --> 00:28:16,650
"A glittering performance
of a rare perception."

557
00:28:16,695 --> 00:28:19,562
Although the Bath Chronicle was
less than enthusiastic.

558
00:28:19,615 --> 00:28:22,231
In fact, it gave me
a right panning. I quote:

559
00:28:22,284 --> 00:28:23,694
CRITIC 1:
As for the performance

560
00:28:23,744 --> 00:28:25,530
of Superintendent Harry
"Snapper" Organs

561
00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:27,661
as Sancho Panza,
the audience were bemused

562
00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:29,492
by his high-pitched
Welsh accent

563
00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:31,577
and intimidated
by his abusive ad—libs.

564
00:28:31,627 --> 00:28:33,288
ORGANS:
The Western Daily News said:

565
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:35,248
CRITIC 2:
Sancho Panza (Mr. Organs)

566
00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:38,004
spoilt an othen/vise impeccably
choreographed rape scene

567
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:40,336
by his unscheduled
appearance and persistent cries

568
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:43,047
of "What's all this then?"

569
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:47,093
Never mind, Snapper love,
you can't win 'em all.

570
00:28:47,142 --> 00:28:50,009
True, constable. Uh, could
I have my eyeliner please?

571
00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:51,302
Telegram for you, love.

572
00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:53,687
Ooh, good-o.
I bet it's from Binkie.

573
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,472
Those flowers are
for Sgt. Lauderdale

574
00:28:55,525 --> 00:28:57,231
from the gentleman
waiting outside.

575
00:28:57,277 --> 00:28:58,483
Oh, good.
Heh-heh.

576
00:28:58,487 --> 00:29:00,148
Thirty seconds,
superintendent.

577
00:29:00,155 --> 00:29:02,066
Oh, blimey,
I'm on.

578
00:29:02,115 --> 00:29:03,651
Is me hat straight,
constable?

579
00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:04,985
Oh, it's fine.

580
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:06,574
Right. Here we go then,
Hawkins.

581
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:08,326
Oh, merde,
superintendent.

582
00:29:08,330 --> 00:29:10,491
Good luck, then.

583
00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:25,211
Read all about it.

584
00:29:25,264 --> 00:29:27,380
Piranha brothers escape.

585
00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:29,969
[SCREAMING]

586
00:29:30,018 --> 00:29:32,680
Dinsdale?

587
00:29:32,729 --> 00:29:34,970
[J‘J‘]

588
00:29:40,696 --> 00:29:43,108
SPINY NORMAN:
Dinsdale?

589
00:29:49,538 --> 00:29:51,699
Dinsdale?

590
00:29:56,753 --> 00:29:59,290
Dinsdale?

591
00:30:04,303 --> 00:30:07,545
Dinsdale?
Dinsdale?

592
00:30:07,597 --> 00:30:08,712
Hmm...

593
00:30:19,568 --> 00:30:21,024
Well, that's all for now.

594
00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:22,559
And so until next week...

595
00:30:22,612 --> 00:30:23,601
[ROARS]