1 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,363 NARRATOR: In the modern Britain, united under a great leader, 2 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,366 it's the housewives of Britain who are getting things moving. 3 00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:39,278 Here, a coach load of lovely ladies are on their way 4 00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,413 to speed up production in a car factory. 5 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:44,165 And here we are, boys, it's the no-hurry brigade, 6 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,293 hanging around for endless overtime. 7 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:49,296 And just watch these gallant girls go into action. 8 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,086 Not working fast enough? 9 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,470 Well, there ’3 an answer for that. 10 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:01,633 Yes, this is certainly the way to speed up production. 11 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,681 This is the recipe for increased productivity, 12 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,641 to meet the threat of those nasty foreigners 13 00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,647 when Britain takes her natural place 14 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,516 at the head of the British common market. 15 00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:14,359 And how’s this for a way to beat strikers? 16 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,649 [ALL WHOOPING] 17 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:19,151 Those spotty continental boys 18 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,694 will soon have to look out for Mrs. Britain. 19 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:23,033 And talking of windmills, 20 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,324 these girls aren't afraid to tilt at the permissive society. 21 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,826 Business is booming in the so-called arts, 22 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,337 but two can play at that game, chum. 23 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,418 And it's not just the modern so-called plastic arts 24 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,382 that get the clean-up Ueahnent 25 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:41,845 -Desdemona. -Come on, dear. Don't let that fool... 26 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,759 [ALL SHOUTING] 27 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,848 And those continentals had better watch out 28 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,355 for their dirty foreign literature. 29 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,142 Jean-Paul Sartre and Jean Genet won 't know what's hit them. 30 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:53,185 Never mind the foulness of their language, 31 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:56,313 come '73 they’ll all have to write in British. 32 00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:01,031 You can keep your fastidious continental bidets, Mrs. Foreigner, 33 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,445 Mrs. Britain knows how to keep her feet clean. 34 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,238 But she'll battle like bingo boys 35 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:08,375 when it comes to keeping the TV screen clean. 36 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,706 Better watch out for those nasty continental shows 37 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,500 on the sneaky second channel. 38 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:15,006 But apart from attacking that prurient hotbed 39 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:17,043 of left-wing continentalism at Shepherd’s Bush, 40 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,794 what else do these ordinary mums think? 41 00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:21,380 -Do they accept Hegelianism? -No. 42 00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,549 Do they prefer Leibnitz to Wittgenstein? 43 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,183 No. No. 44 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:27,719 And where do they stand on young people? 45 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:30,059 Just here, dearie. 46 00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,103 Their power is growing daily, 47 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,767 and when these girls roll their sleeves up, 48 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,560 it's arms all the way. 49 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,654 Yes, this is the way to fight 50 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,657 the constant war against pornography. 51 00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,462 [PLAYING ORGAN] 52 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,668 -And now... -|t's... 53 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:58,129 [J‘J‘J‘] 54 00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:04,757 ANNOUNCER: Monty Python's Flying Circuses. 55 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:31,117 [J‘J‘J‘] 56 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:40,376 [SOFT KNOCKING] 57 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,090 [LOUDER KNOCKING] 58 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,300 [POUNDING ON DOOR] 59 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,135 Doctor! 60 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,568 -Doctor! -[D|NG|NG] 61 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,655 Doctor! 62 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:15,327 Doctor! Where is the doctor? 63 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,546 Hello. 64 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,510 Are you the brain specialist? 65 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,273 Hello. 66 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:41,528 Are you the brain specialist?! 67 00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,691 No! 68 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,535 No, I am not the brain specialist. 69 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,405 No. No, lam not. 70 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,323 Yes! Yes, lam. 71 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,835 My brain hurts. 72 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:03,049 Well, let's take a look at it, Mr. Gumby. 73 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:07,337 No,no,no, my brain in my head. 74 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,381 Ohhh! Huh. 75 00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,603 It will have to come out. 76 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,558 -Out of my head? -Yes. 77 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,398 All the bits of it. 78 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,066 Nurse! 79 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,747 Nurse! 80 00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:42,457 Nurse, take Mr. Gumby to a.... brain surgeon. 81 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,340 Yes, doctor. 82 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:47,048 -Where's the lancet? -NURSE: He's brilliant, you know. 83 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,509 Where's the bloody lancet? 84 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,472 My brain hurts, too. 85 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,103 [SIREN WAILING] 86 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:02,567 [J‘J‘J‘] 87 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,728 Gloves. 88 00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,191 Glasses. 89 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,359 Moustache. 90 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,446 Handkerchief. 91 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,455 I'm going to operate. 92 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,290 ALL: Operate. 93 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,583 Going to operate. 94 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,623 Get better, brain. 95 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:28,510 ALL: Get better, brain. Get better, brain. 96 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,762 Hello! 97 00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:35,722 Ooh! We forgot the anesthetic. 98 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,603 -Anesthetic. -ALL: Anesthetic. 99 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:40,639 Anesthetic. 100 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,353 ALL: Anesthetic. 101 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,644 ALL: Anesthetic. Anesthetic. 102 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:53,493 I've come to anesthetize you. 103 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,822 [METAL CLANGING] 104 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,663 -[FOOTSTEPS] -[CLEARS THROAT] 105 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:04,128 Good evening. Tonight, I'd like to talk to you about-- 106 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:07,507 Oh, oh, uh...excuse me, this is all wrong. 107 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,000 One moment. 108 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,378 [CLATTERING] 109 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,348 [METAL CLANGING] 110 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:22,431 Hello, again. 111 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,065 As l was saying... 112 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,567 Oh, wait, this is, uh, still not quite right. 113 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:27,648 Sorry. 114 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:29,733 [CREAKING, CLATTERING] 115 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,664 No, no. Sorry? No. No, not right. 116 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,370 [FOOTSTEPS] 117 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,414 [METAL CLANGING, CRASHING] 118 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,256 [WATER SPLASHING] 119 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,418 [BUZZER RINGING] 120 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,558 Ah. This is better. [CLEARS THROAT] 121 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:01,265 Now, tonight I want to look at the meaning of life-- 122 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,396 No. Oh, ah, oh, ow. 123 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:05,557 [CLATTERING] 124 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:11,397 -[GIGGLING] -[STAMMERS] 125 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,690 [CLATTERING] 126 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,109 [SQUABBLING, GRUNTING] 127 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:21,494 [CLATTERING] 128 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,408 [METAL CLANGING] 129 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,627 [cow MOOS] 130 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,379 [FOOTSTEPS] 131 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,258 [EXPLOSION, METAL CLANGING] 132 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:36,221 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 133 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:39,429 Hmm. Oh, well. This will do nicely. 134 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:41,597 [CLEARS THROAT] Good evening. 135 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,095 Tonight, I'd like to talk to you about the meaning of life in the context of—- 136 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,472 [SCREAMS] 137 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,022 The Nine O'clock News, which was to have followed, 138 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,481 has been cancelled tonight, 139 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,362 so that we can bring you the quarterfinals 140 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,774 of the All-Essex Badminton Championship. 141 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:58,777 Your commentator, as usual, is Edna O'Brien. 142 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,158 O'BRIEN: Hello, fans. Begorra, and to be sure 143 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,290 there '3 some fine badminton down here in Essex this afternoon. 144 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,000 We really-- 145 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,544 [DOORBELL RINGS] 146 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:22,267 -Hmm... George? -Yes, Gladys? 147 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,973 There's a man at the door with a moustache. 148 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,971 Tell him I already got one. 149 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:29,099 All right, all right, all right. What's he want then? 150 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:32,235 He says do we want a documentary on mollusks. 151 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,736 -Mollusks? -Yes. 152 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:36,615 -What's he mean, "mollusks"? -Mollusks! 153 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,366 Gastropods, lamellibranches, cephalopods. 154 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,778 Oh, mollusks, I thought you said "bacon". 155 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,330 All right, all right, all right. 156 00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,541 -What's he charge then? -lt's free. 157 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,167 Oh, where does he want us to sit? 158 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,249 He says yes. 159 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,258 Good evening. Tonight, mollusks. 160 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,097 The mollusk is a soft-bodied, 161 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:06,761 unsegmented, invertebrate animal, 162 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,727 usually protected by a large shell. 163 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:13,314 One of the most numerous groups of invertebrates, 164 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,228 it is exceeded in number of species 165 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:18,569 only by the arthropods, viz. 166 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,734 Not very interesting, is it? 167 00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:23,529 -What? -I was talking to him. 168 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:29,160 Oh. Anyway, the typical mollusk, viz., a snail, 169 00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:32,579 consists of a prominent muscular portion, the head-foot, 170 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,463 a visceral mass, and a shell, 171 00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,216 which is secreted by the free edge of the mantle. 172 00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,594 -Dreadfu|, isn't it? -What? 173 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,096 l was talking to him. 174 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,723 Oh. Well, anyway, 175 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,430 in some mollusks, however, viz., slugs, 176 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,435 the shell is absent or rudimentary. 177 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,766 Switch him off. 178 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,772 Whereas in others, viz., cephalopods 179 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,729 the head-foot is greatly modified, 180 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:56,235 and forms tentacles, viz., the squid. 181 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,070 -What are you doing? -Switching you off. 182 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,232 -What? Don't you like it? -Oh, it's dreadful. 183 00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,029 -Embarrassing. -|s it? 184 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,069 Yes, it's perfectly awful. 185 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,741 Disgraceful. I don't know how they got the nerve to put it on. 186 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,488 It's so boring. 187 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:10,750 Well, it's not much of a subject, is it? Be fair. 188 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,243 What do you think, George? 189 00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,416 Oh, give him another 20 seconds. 190 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:16,751 -All right. -Oh, um, anyway, the majority of mollusks 191 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,416 are included in three large groups: 192 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,089 The gastropods, the lamellibranches 193 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,427 and the cephalopods. 194 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,803 We know that. 195 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,426 However, what is more interesting 196 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,096 is the, uh, mollusks', uh, s-sex life. 197 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,559 Ooh. 198 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,431 Yes, the mollusk is a randy little fellow, 199 00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,774 whose primitive brain scarcely strays 200 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,438 from the subject of you-know-what. 201 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,528 -Disgusting. -Ought not to be allowed. 202 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,610 The randiest of the gastropods is the limpet. 203 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,775 This hot-blooded little beast, 204 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,368 with its tent-like shell, is always on the job. 205 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,622 Its extramarital activities are something startling. 206 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,033 Frankly, I don't know how the female limpet 207 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,042 finds the time to adhere to the rock face. 208 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,703 -How am I doing? -Disgusting. 209 00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:58,499 -But more interesting. -Oh, yes. 210 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:01,133 Another loose-living gastropod is the periwinkle. 211 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,002 This shameless little libertine, 212 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,468 with its characteristic ventral locomotion, 213 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,222 is not the marrying kind. 214 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,600 "Anywhere, anytime," is its motto. 215 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,102 Up with the shell and they're at it. 216 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:13,012 What about the lamellibranches? 217 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,272 I'm coming to them. 218 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,023 The great scallop. 219 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,527 Pwah! This tatty, scrofulous old rapist 220 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,655 is second in depravity only to the common clam. 221 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,157 This latter is a right whore. 222 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:27,493 A harlot. A trollop. 223 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:30,079 A cynical, bed-hopping, firm-breasted, 224 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,989 Rabelaisian bit of seafood, 225 00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,534 that makes Fanny Hill look like a dead pope. 226 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:38,171 And finally, among the lamellibranch bivalves, 227 00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:43,134 that most depraved of the whole subspecies, the whelk. 228 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:47,718 The whelk is nothing but a homosexual of the worst kind. 229 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,679 This gay boy of the gastropods, 230 00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:52,844 this queer crustacean, 231 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:56,685 this mincing mollusk, this screaming, prancing, 232 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,817 Iimp-wristed queen of the deep makes me sick. 233 00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:02,194 -Have you got one? -Here. 234 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,029 -Let's kill it. -Yeah. 235 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,316 Disgusting! 236 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:09,406 There, yeah, that'll teach it. 237 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,571 Well, thank you for a very interesting program. 238 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,160 Oh, not at all. Thank you. 239 00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,415 -Yes, that was very nice. -Thank you. 240 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,701 -Oh, thank you. -And good night. 241 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,537 And now a word from the man in the-- 242 00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,206 -Street. -Anyway. 243 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,717 [BABY TALK] 244 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,509 [BABY TALK] 245 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,300 Hello. Oh, and dear little fellow. Hey, hey. Look at him. 246 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:33,308 Oh, aye, little twinkle in his eye. 247 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:41,021 Oh, he is a little dear, isn't he? 248 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,732 But you shouldn't let him suck on a dummy, my dear. 249 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:46,482 Oh, my God. No! Don't touch it. 250 00:13:46,534 --> 00:13:48,570 [SUCTIONING] 251 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,405 [ALL SCREAMING] 252 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,163 [WHEELS CREAKING] 253 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,049 [MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY] 254 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:17,971 The minister for not listening to people toured Batley today 255 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,764 to investigate allegations of victimization 256 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,599 in home-loan improvement grants 257 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:23,727 made last week by the shadow minister 258 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,441 for judging people at first sight 259 00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,277 to be marginally worse than they actually are. 260 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,741 At the Home Office, the minister for inserting himself 261 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,620 in between chairs and walls in men's clubs 262 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,655 was at his desk after a short illness. 263 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,040 He spent the morning dealing with the Irish situation, 264 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,792 and later in the day, had long discussions 265 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,744 with the minister for running up stairs two at a time, 266 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,631 flinging the door open, saying: "Ha, ha, caught you, Mildred." 267 00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,338 In the Commons, there was another day of heated debate 268 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,175 on the third reading of the Trade Practices Bill. 269 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,805 Mr. Roland Penrose, 270 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,765 the undersecretary for making deep growling noises... 271 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,267 [G ROWLS] 272 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,143 ...Iaunched a bitter personal attack 273 00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,305 on the ex-minister for delving deep into a black satin bag 274 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,479 and producing a tube of Euthymol toothpaste. 275 00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,735 Later in the debate, the junior minister 276 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,021 for being frightened by any kind of farm machinery, 277 00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,235 challenged the undersecretary of state 278 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,774 for hiding from Terence Rattigan 279 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,280 to produce the current year's trading figures, 280 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,117 as supplied by the Department of Stealing Packets of Bandages 281 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,747 From the Self-Service at Timothy White's, 282 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:22,001 and Selling Them Again at a Considerable Profit. 283 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,290 Parliament rose at 11:30, 284 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:27,082 and, crawling along a dark passageway into the old rectory, 285 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,500 broke down the door to the serving hatch, 286 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,339 painted the spare room, and next weekend, 287 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:33,463 they'll be able to make a start on the boy's bedroom, 288 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,132 while Amy and Roger, up in London for two days, 289 00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,221 go to see the mysterious Mr. Grenville. 290 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,683 He in turn has been revealed by D'Arcy 291 00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,767 as less than an honest man. 292 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,775 Sybil feels once again a resurgence of her old affection, 293 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:49,688 and she and Boileau return to a little house in Clermont-Ferrand. 294 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:53,032 The kind of two-up, two-down house that most French workers, 295 00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,196 and, indeed, most workers throughout the European community, 296 00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,531 are living in today. 297 00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,325 PRESENTER: The ease of construction, 298 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,160 using on-site prefabrication facilities, 299 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,074 makes cheap housing a reality. 300 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,538 The walls of these houses 301 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,294 are lined with pre-stressed asbestos, 302 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,330 which keeps the house warm and snugly, 303 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:10,090 and ever so safe from the big bad rabbit, 304 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,377 who can scratch and scratch for all he's worth, 305 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:15,763 but he just can't get into Porky's house. 306 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,590 Where is Porky? 307 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,133 Here he is. 308 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,724 What a funny little chap. 309 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,347 But Porky’s one of the lucky ones. 310 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,187 He survived the urban upheaval of the '303 and '40s 311 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,568 For him, Jarrow is still just a memory. 312 00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,563 The hunger marches, the East End riots, 313 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,107 the collapse of the Labour government in 1931. 314 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,276 Dim reminders of the days before 315 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,069 a newfound affluence swept the land, 316 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,241 making it clean and tidy, 317 00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,240 and making all the shops full of nice things, 318 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,375 lovely choo-choo trains and toys, 319 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,581 and shiny cars that go vroom, vroom, vroom. 320 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:49,498 And everybody was happy and singing all the day long, 321 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,713 and nobody saw the big bad rabbit ever again. 322 00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:56,596 But of course, it's all very easy to blame the big, bad rabbit 323 00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:59,306 when by-elections are going against the government. 324 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,310 But how often do you think we should be blaming ourselves? 325 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,142 Because, you know, that's where we ought to start looking. 326 00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,394 [J‘J‘J‘] 327 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,146 MAN READS: 328 00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:49,417 Hello. All the activity you can see here in progress, 329 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,249 is part of the intricate-- Ah. 330 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:56,382 --preparations for the British naval expedition to Lake Pahoe. 331 00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:01,550 The leader of the expedition is Sir Jane Russell. 332 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,011 What is the main purpose of your expedition? 333 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,925 Well, this is a completely uncharted lake, 334 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,139 with like hitherto unclassified marine life, man, 335 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,931 so the whole scene's wide open for scientific exploration. 336 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,224 One can see the immense amount of preparation involved. 337 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:16,144 Have there been difficulties in setting up this venture? 338 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,563 Well, the real hang-up was with the bread, man, 339 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,314 but when the top-brass pigs came through, 340 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,233 we got it together in a couple of moons. 341 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,572 Commodore Betty Grable, who's a real sub-aqua head, 342 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:26,696 has got it together diving-wise, and, like, the whole gig's 343 00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:29,081 -been a real gas, man. -Thank you. 344 00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:33,498 Lieutenant Commander Dorothy Lamour. 345 00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,582 Pieces of eight. 346 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,299 Dorothy, you're in charge of the security 347 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,754 and liaison for this operation. 348 00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,548 Right on. 349 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:44,680 You've kept this all very hush-hush so far, shipmate. 350 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,512 Yeah, it's been, uh, really heavy, man, 351 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:49,347 with all these freaks from the fascist press 352 00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,762 trying to blow the whole scene. 353 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,764 There's no doubt about it, 354 00:19:52,775 --> 00:19:56,063 this expedition does have some rather unusual aspects, Jim lad. 355 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:58,524 For starters, why do the senior personnel 356 00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:01,314 all bear the names of Hollywood film stars of the '40s, 357 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:05,235 and female ones at that? Shiver me timbers, 'tis the black spot. 358 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,779 And secondly-- I be not afraid of thee, Blind Pew. 359 00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,739 --why do they talk this rather strange, 360 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,454 stilted, underground jargon--? 361 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,539 Belay the main brace, Squire Trelawney. 362 00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,295 This be my ship now. Ha, ha. 363 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,006 Ah. A tranquillizing dart 364 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,670 fired by the cowardly BBC health-department dogs. 365 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:27,307 They've done filled me full of chlorpromazine. Damn. 366 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:30,138 [SCREAMS] 367 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:33,304 I'm sorry about my colleague's unconventional behavior. 368 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:35,473 The navy's out of sight. Come together with the RN. 369 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,357 It really is something other than else. 370 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,394 [J‘J‘J‘] 371 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,671 Can you dig it, man? 372 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,753 Hello. I'm sorry about my colleague's 373 00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:03,713 rather unconventional behaviorjust now, 374 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,550 but, uh, things haven't been too easy for him recently. 375 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,806 Trouble at home. Rather confidential, 376 00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:10,633 so I can't give you all the details, 377 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,642 interesting though they are. 378 00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,644 [MUMBLING] Three bottles of rum with a Weetabix and so forth. 379 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,807 Anyway-- Apparently, the girl wasn't even, uh-- 380 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,609 Anyway, the activity you see behind me-- 381 00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,519 It's the mother I feel sorry for. 382 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,522 l-l'll start again. 383 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:29,239 for the new naval expedition to Lake Pahoe. 384 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,074 The man in charge of this expedition 385 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,738 is Vice Admiral Sir John Cunningham. 386 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,249 -Sir John, hello there. Hello. -Oh, hello. 387 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,376 Well, first of all, I'd like to apologize for the behavior 388 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,128 of certain of my colleagues you may have seen earlier. 389 00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:43,337 But they are from broken homes, circus families and so on. 390 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:45,341 And they are in no way representative 391 00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,504 of the new, modern, improved British navy. 392 00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:51,264 There is a small, vociferous minority. 393 00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,052 And may I take this opportunity of emphasizing 394 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:57,180 that there is no cannibalism in the British navy. 395 00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:58,769 Absolutely none. 396 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:02,060 And when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, 397 00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:03,732 more than I'm prepared to admit. 398 00:22:03,739 --> 00:22:07,027 But all new ratings are warned 399 00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:10,318 that if they wake up in the morning, and find any tooth marks at all, 400 00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:12,032 anywhere on their bodies, 401 00:22:12,081 --> 00:22:13,742 they're to tell me immediately, 402 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,331 so that I can immediately take every measure 403 00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:18,163 to hush the whole thing up. 404 00:22:18,212 --> 00:22:23,172 And finally, necrophilia is right out. 405 00:22:23,217 --> 00:22:27,085 Now, this expedition is primarily to investigate 406 00:22:27,137 --> 00:22:30,470 reports of cannibalism and necrophilia in-- 407 00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:33,098 This expedition is primarily to investigate 408 00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:35,680 reports of unusual marine life 409 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:38,186 in the as yet uncharted Lake Pahoe. 410 00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:40,564 And, uh, where exactly is the lake? 411 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:43,692 Uh, 22-A Runcorn Avenue, I think. 412 00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:46,695 -Yes, that's right, 22—A. -Runcorn Avenue? 413 00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,322 Yes, i-it's just by Blenheim Crescent. Do you know it? 414 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,700 You mean it's in, uh, an ordinary street? 415 00:22:51,745 --> 00:22:53,610 Of course it's not ordinary, it's got a lake in it. 416 00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:55,613 Yes, but |-- 417 00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,748 Look, how many streets do you know that have got lakes in them? 418 00:22:57,793 --> 00:22:59,624 You mean--? Is it very large? 419 00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:01,535 Of course it's not large. 420 00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:04,251 You couldn't get a large lake in Runcorn Avenue. 421 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:07,087 You'd have to knock down the tobacconist's. 422 00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:10,253 Jenkins, no! 423 00:23:11,515 --> 00:23:13,551 [J‘J‘J‘] 424 00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:20,391 I'm now standing in Runcorn Avenue. 425 00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:22,477 Sir John, where exactly is the lake? 426 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:23,724 Now, let's see, 427 00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:25,768 that's 18, that's 20, 428 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:27,686 so this must be the one. 429 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:29,731 Um, excuse me, um-- 430 00:23:29,783 --> 00:23:32,195 -Yes, this is the one all right. -But it's an ordinary house. 431 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,610 Look, I'm getting irritated with this line of questioning. 432 00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:36,278 But it doesn't even look like a lake. 433 00:23:36,332 --> 00:23:38,197 Your whole approach since this interview started 434 00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:39,740 has been to mock the navy. 435 00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:42,500 When I think that it was for the likes of you 436 00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,165 I had both my legs blown off-- 437 00:23:44,173 --> 00:23:45,788 You haven't had both your legs blown off. 438 00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:48,207 l was talking metaphorically, you fool. 439 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:51,548 Jenkins, put that down. 440 00:23:51,597 --> 00:23:53,007 Right, is the equipment ready? 441 00:23:53,057 --> 00:23:54,672 Diving equipment all ready, man. 442 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,092 Right. Now, quite simply, 443 00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:01,012 the approach to Lake Pahoe is up the steps, 444 00:24:01,065 --> 00:24:03,056 and then we come to the shores of the lake. 445 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:05,690 Now, I'm going to press the bell just to see if there's anyone in. 446 00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,028 Hello. 447 00:24:10,074 --> 00:24:12,486 Good morning. I'm looking for a Lake Pahoe. 448 00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:15,409 There's a Mr. Padgett. 449 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,194 No, no, a lake. 450 00:24:17,247 --> 00:24:19,659 There's no lake here, mate. This is Runcorn Avenue. 451 00:24:19,708 --> 00:24:21,164 What's that camera doing? 452 00:24:21,210 --> 00:24:23,246 Camera? What's he want? 453 00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:25,206 Oh, are we on the telly? 454 00:24:25,214 --> 00:24:26,454 He's looking for a lake. 455 00:24:26,507 --> 00:24:28,122 Lake Pahoe. 456 00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:31,212 Oh, you want downstairs, 22-A. The basement. 457 00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,126 Ah. Thank you very much. Good morning. 458 00:24:33,180 --> 00:24:35,011 Come on men, downstairs. 459 00:24:35,057 --> 00:24:37,389 -Were you successful, Sir John? -lt's in the basement. 460 00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:38,758 In the basement? 461 00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,017 Pieces of eight. 462 00:24:40,062 --> 00:24:41,427 -[GROANS] -[B|RD THUDS] 463 00:24:45,234 --> 00:24:46,724 Hello? 464 00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:50,398 Ooh, I think it's someone about the damp. 465 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:54,323 Tell them about the bleeding rats too. 466 00:24:54,368 --> 00:24:57,030 I know. Yes? 467 00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:58,239 SIR JOHN: Good morning. 468 00:24:58,247 --> 00:25:01,239 Is this Lake Pahoe? 469 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:05,163 Well, I don't know about that, but it's bleeding damp. 470 00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:07,419 Are you from the council? 471 00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:12,042 SIR JOHN: No. We are the official British naval expedition to this lake. 472 00:25:12,094 --> 00:25:13,300 May we come in? 473 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,425 Hang on. 474 00:25:23,272 --> 00:25:25,354 [SCREAMS] 475 00:25:25,399 --> 00:25:28,106 -Bloody sharks. -Get back in. 476 00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:30,108 -Get in. -Get in. 477 00:25:38,328 --> 00:25:41,786 Well, that would appear to be the end of the expedition. 478 00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:46,784 Magna Carta, was it a document signed at Runnymede 479 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:48,706 in 1215 by King John, 480 00:25:48,756 --> 00:25:51,338 pledging independence to the English barons, 481 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:54,716 or was it a piece of chewing gum on a bedspread in Dorset? 482 00:25:54,762 --> 00:25:57,344 The latter idea is the brainchild of a man 483 00:25:57,389 --> 00:26:00,131 new to the field of historical research. 484 00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:03,472 Mr. Badger, why-- why are you on this program? 485 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:05,511 Uh, well, I think I can answer this question 486 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:08,431 more successfully in mime. 487 00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:22,368 But why Dorset? 488 00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:26,115 Uh, well, I have for a long time been suffering 489 00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:27,999 from a species of brain injury, 490 00:26:28,045 --> 00:26:30,411 which I incurred during the rigors of childbirth. 491 00:26:30,464 --> 00:26:33,251 And I'd like to conclude by putting my finger up my nose. 492 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,670 Mr. Badger, I think you're the silliest person 493 00:26:36,678 --> 00:26:38,794 we've ever had on this program, 494 00:26:39,014 --> 00:26:40,800 and so I'm gonna ask you to have dinner with me. 495 00:26:43,393 --> 00:26:46,305 My wife, Maureen, ran off with a bottle of Bell's whisky 496 00:26:46,355 --> 00:26:48,687 during the Aberdeen versus Raith Rovers match, 497 00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:50,563 which ended in a goalless draw. 498 00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:53,225 Robson, particularly in goal, had a magnificent first half. 499 00:26:53,278 --> 00:26:56,691 His fine positional sense preventing the build-up of any severe pressure 500 00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:58,404 on the suspect Aberdeen defense. 501 00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,031 McLoughlan missed an easy chance 502 00:27:00,035 --> 00:27:01,696 to clinch the game towards the final whistle, 503 00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:04,077 but Raith must be well-satisfied with their point. 504 00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:06,239 Do, please, go on. 505 00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:08,703 This is the least fascinating conversation I've ever had. 506 00:27:08,752 --> 00:27:10,617 Would you like to order, sir? 507 00:27:10,671 --> 00:27:12,753 Ah, yes, Mr. Badger, what would you like to start with? 508 00:27:12,965 --> 00:27:16,207 Uh... I'll have a whisky to start with. 509 00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:18,046 -For first course, sir? -Aye. 510 00:27:19,221 --> 00:27:20,711 And for main course, sir? 511 00:27:20,722 --> 00:27:23,054 Uh, I'll have a whisky for main course, 512 00:27:23,058 --> 00:27:25,720 and I'll follow that with a whisky for pudding. 513 00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:28,764 Yes, sir. And what would you like with it, sir? 514 00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:31,142 -A whisky? -No, a bottle of wine. 515 00:27:32,401 --> 00:27:34,608 "Fine, sir," he said between clenched teeth, 516 00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:37,520 knowing full well it was the most unrewarding part. 517 00:27:39,324 --> 00:27:42,236 This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in. 518 00:27:42,244 --> 00:27:43,780 Shall we stop it? 519 00:27:45,414 --> 00:27:46,574 Yeah, all right.