1
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,273
[J‘J‘J‘]

2
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:06,020
[CRASHING]

3
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,397
The pump caught
in my trouser leg.

4
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,152
My pump caught
in my trouser leg,

5
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,154
and my sandwiches
were badly crushed.

6
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,815
Thirty-five p, please.

7
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:18,655
These sandwiches were
an excellent substitute.

8
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,319
Give us ten woods,
Barney.

9
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,534
Hello. It's funny how one can
go through life, as l have,

10
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,326
disliking bananas and being
indifferent to cheese,

11
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:29,165
but still be able
to eat and enjoy

12
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,170
a banana-and-cheese sandwich
like this.

13
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:33,582
-Thirty-five p.
-Oh.

14
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,342
Oh, I have only a 50.
Do you have change?

15
00:01:36,388 --> 00:01:38,253
Well, I'll have to look,

16
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,389
-but I may have to go to the bank.
-l'm most awfully sorry.

17
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,767
-Fifteen p.
-Oh, what a stroke of luck.

18
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,474
Well, all the very best.

19
00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,139
And thank you again
for the excellent

20
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:52,150
banana-and-cheese delicacy.

21
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:55,437
[J‘J‘J‘]

22
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,034
[CRASHING]

23
00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:18,006
And the pump got caught
in my trouser leg.

24
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:20,592
And that's how
they were damaged.

25
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,553
The eggs. You remember,
the hard-boiled eggs

26
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,513
l was telling you about.

27
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,144
They were in a Tupperware
container,

28
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:30,647
reputedly self-sealing,

29
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,273
which fell open
upon contact

30
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,731
with the tarmacadam surface
of the road.

31
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:40,528
The B489.
The Dawlish Road.

32
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:43,410
That shouldn't happen to a self-sealing
container, now, should it?

33
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:49,165
What do you keep
your hard-boiled eggs in?

34
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,251
I think, in future,

35
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:02,546
I will lash them to the
handlebars with adhesive tape.

36
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,135
This should obviate a recurrence
of the same problem.

37
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:14,271
Well, I can't stand around
here chatting all day.

38
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,486
I'm on a cycling tour
of North Cornwall.

39
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,361
Must be off.

40
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:26,487
[J‘J‘J‘]

41
00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,210
[CRASHING, cow MOOS]

42
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:36,247
PITHER: August the 26th. Fell
off near Ottery St. Mary.

43
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,631
The pump caught
in my trouser leg.

44
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:41,384
Decided to wear short
trousers from now on.

45
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:48,183
[J‘J‘J‘]

46
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,184
[CRASHING, HORSE WHINNIES]

47
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,315
PITHER:
Fell off near Tiverton.

48
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,479
Perhaps a shorter pump
is the answer.

49
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,573
Excuse me, madam,
I wonder if you could tell me

50
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,075
of a good bicycle shop
in this village

51
00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:09,113
where I can either find a means
of adapting my present pump,

52
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,329
or, failing that,
of purchasing a replacement?

53
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,789
There's only one shop here.

54
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,665
What a stroke of luck.

55
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,544
Now perhaps cycling
will become less precarious.

56
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,096
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

57
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,007
Yes?

58
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,301
Um, a Mr. Pither
to see you, doctor.

59
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,185
His bicycle pump
got caught in his sock.

60
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,687
Ah, thank you, nurse,
show him in, please.

61
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,768
This way, please.

62
00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,432
Morning.

63
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,192
And a very good morning
to you too, doctor.

64
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,193
I understand
you had an accident.

65
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,483
That's right.
My pump got--

66
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,022
-Caught in your sock.
-Abso|ute|y, yes.

67
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,236
My fruitcake
was damaged on one side.

68
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,571
Well, now--

69
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,111
In fact,
it's got grit all over it.

70
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,575
Well, now,
are you in pain?

71
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,616
-Oh, heavens no.
-Well, where are you hurt?

72
00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,080
Fortunately,
I escaped without injury.

73
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,585
Well, what is the trouble?

74
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,293
Please, could you tell me
the way to lddesleigh?

75
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,001
-l'm a doctor, you know.
-Oh, yes, absolutely.

76
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,261
Normally, I would have asked a
policeman or a minister of the church.

77
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,422
But finding no one available,

78
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,557
I thought it better to consult a man
with professional qualifications,

79
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:15,562
rather than rely on the possibly
confused testimony of a passerby.

80
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,351
Oh, all right.

81
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,520
Take this to a chemist.

82
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,275
Thank you.

83
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:35,790
[J‘J‘J‘]

84
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,748
[MUSIC STOPS]

85
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,588
PITHER:
September the 2nd.

86
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:49,338
Did not fall off
outside lddesleigh.

87
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,133
[J‘J‘J‘]

88
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,102
[CRASHING]

89
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:58,680
My foot caught
in my trouser leg,

90
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,687
and that's how
the bottle broke.

91
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,068
Tell her today,
you could ring her.

92
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,399
I can't. I can't.

93
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,109
I said you'd never guess.

94
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,573
Sixteen years
we've been together.

95
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,108
l can'tjust
ring her up.

96
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,072
If you can't do it now,
you never will.

97
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,449
Do you like Tizer?

98
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,287
-What? No.
-Look.

99
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,665
Do you want me or not, James?
It's your decision.

100
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,168
I suppose it is still
available in this area.

101
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,124
Do you want me or not,
James?

102
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,497
-What?
-A Tizer.

103
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,086
Yes or no?

104
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,341
Is it still available
in this area?

105
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,047
-I don't know.
-I see.

106
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,341
In that case,
it's goodbye forever, James.

107
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,755
No. I mean, yes.

108
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:32,968
Oh, it is, is it?

109
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,383


110
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,676
You never could
make up your mind.

111
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,969
I can.

112
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,307
Goodbye, James.

113
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,642
l have.
No, wait, Lucille.

114
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,523
Does your lovely little
daughter like Tizer, eh?

115
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,230
Lucille!

116
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,815
Wouldn't mind buying her
a bottle of Tizer.

117
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,650
If it's still available
in this area, that is.

118
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,615
Would you like me
to show you the door?

119
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,616
Oh, that's kind of you,
but I saw it on the way in.

120
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,244
You stupid little rat!

121
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,326
The very words of the garage
mechanic in Bude.

122
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,741
I'd just fallen off my bicycle--
This is most kind of you.

123
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,330
--and my lemon curd tartlet--

124
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,125
Damn your lemon curd tartlet!

125
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,709
[SOBBING]

126
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,468
Hmph. Hm.

127
00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,434
Just had a chat
with your dad.

128
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,516
[CRYING]

129
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,765
[J‘J‘J‘]

130
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:28,486
[CRASHING]

131
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,782
Really? And what happened
to the corned-beef rolls?

132
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:38,204
The rolls were crushed
out of all--

133
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,160
How did you know about
my corned beef rolls?

134
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,576
I noticed them, or what remained
of them, in the road.

135
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,120
I noticed also
that the lemon curd tart

136
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,458
had sustained
some superficial damage.

137
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,248
That's right.
The curd had become--

138
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,508
-Detached from the pastry base.
-Absolutely right, yes.

139
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,716
OthenNise, the contents of the
sandwich box were relatively unharmed,

140
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:57,678
although I detected small particles
of bitumen in the chocolate cupcakes.

141
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,263
But they were wrapped
in foil.

142
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,052
Not the hard chocolate top,
I'm afraid.

143
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,146
Oh, that's the bit I like.

144
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:06,228
The sausage roll, the crisps and
the ginger biscuit were unscathed.

145
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,397
How do you know
so much about cycling?

146
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,358
Well, I'm making a special study
of accidents involving food.

147
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:13,524
-Really?
-Yes.

148
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:16,067
Do you know, in our laboratories,
we have developed a cheese sandwich

149
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:19,079
that can withstand an impact of
4000 pounds per square inch?

150
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,494
-Good heavens.
-Amazing, isn't it?

151
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:24,626
We've also developed a tomato which can
eject itself when an accident is imminent.

152
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,204
-Even in an egg-and-tomato roll?
-Anywhere.

153
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,294
Even in your stomach,
it senses an accident,

154
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,005
it'll come up your throat
and out of the window.

155
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,089
You know what this means?

156
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,008
-Safer food!
-Exactly.

157
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,639
No longer will food be squashed,
crushed and damaged

158
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,097
by the ignorance
and stupidity of the driver.

159
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:44,559
Whole picnics will be built to
withstand the most enormous forces.

160
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,472
Snacks will be safer
than ever.

161
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,233
A simple pot of salad dressing,
treated in our laboratories

162
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,770
has been subjected to the impact
of a 4000-pound steam hammer

163
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,197
every day for
the last 16 years.

164
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:55,982
-And has it broken?
-Well--

165
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,776
Of course it has. But there
are things that haven't.

166
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,782
Safety straps for sardines,
for example.

167
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,956
-[WH|ZZ|NG NOISE] -Here, that
tomato's just ejected itself.

168
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,621
Really?
It works! It works!

169
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,162
[CRASHING]

170
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,627
Mr. Gulliver appears
to have lost his memory,

171
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,379
and far from being interested
in safer food

172
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:20,174
is now convinced
that he is Clodagh Rodgers,

173
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,091
the young girl singer.

174
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,386
I am taking him
for medical attention.

175
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,645
Is this
the Casualty Department?

176
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,100
Yes, that's right.

177
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,141
[CRASHING]

178
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,359
And what can I do for you?

179
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,486
[SCREAMS]

180
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,159
I am at present on a cycling tour of the
North Cornwall area taking in Bude and--

181
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:40,990
Yes. Could I have
your name, please?

182
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,578
Ah. My name is Pither.

183
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:46,162
-What?
-P-l-T-H-E-R.

184
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:50,045
As in brotherhood, except with a "P-l"
instead of a "B-R-O", and no "hood."

185
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,455
| see.

186
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,999
-I had just visited Taunton--
-[CRASH|NG]

187
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,462
Shh!

188
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,298
--and was cycling north
towards the--

189
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,803
Yes, where were
you injured?

190
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,757
Oh, just where
the A237 llfracombe--

191
00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,596
-On your body.
-Ah!

192
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,352
No, no, it's not I who was
injured, it's my friend.

193
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,398
-Name?
-Pither.

194
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,359
No, no, no.
Your friend's name.

195
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,278
Oh, Clodagh Rodgers.

196
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:21,822
Clodagh Rodgers?

197
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,528
Well, only since about 4:30--

198
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,532
Yes. I think you'd better
talk to Dr. Wu. Doctor?

199
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,540
What? Damn.

200
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,415
[SCREAMS]

201
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,045
What's the trouble?

202
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,539
I'm on a cycling tour
of North Cornwall--

203
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,293
He thinks
he's had an accident.

204
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,631
l have friend who,
as a result of his injuries,

205
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,546
thinks he is Clodagh Rodgers.

206
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,305
-He what?
-Well, what happened was--

207
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,556
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

208
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,805
[SCREAMING]

209
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,773
PITHER: September the 4th.
Well, lnever.

210
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:59,189
We are now in the
Alpes-Maritimes region

211
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,233
of Southern France.

212
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:04,119
Clodagh seems more intent
on reaching Moscow

213
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,327
than on rehearsing
her new BBC 2 series

214
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:10,993
with Buddy Rich
and the Younger Generation.

215
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,295
Oh, hello.

216
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,456
We cannot stay here.

217
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,170
We must leave immediately.

218
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,755
There is a ship
in Marseilles.

219
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:23,220
I did enjoy your song
for Europe, Clodagh.

220
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,598
l have seen an agent
in the town.

221
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,679
My life is in danger.

222
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,515
Danger, Clodagh?

223
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,226
Stalin has always hated me.

224
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,311
No one hates you, Clodagh.

225
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,444
I will not let myself fall
into the hands of these scum.

226
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,730
I think you should go have
a little lie-down, my dear.

227
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:44,275
It's a busy day tomorrow of
concerts and promotional tours.

228
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:49,039
l was one of the founders
of the greatest nation on earth!

229
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:54,294
l, whom Lenin has called
his greatest friend.

230
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,788
-[MAN SHOUTING lN FRENCH]
-Oh, dear.

231
00:11:56,841 --> 00:12:01,050
I, who have worked all my life
that my people should live.

232
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,962
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

233
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:07,007
Oh, my name is Pither.

234
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,142
Oh, you are English?

235
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:12,137
Yes, that's right. I'm on a
cycling tour of North Cornwall--

236
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,059
I will not be defeated.

237
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,190
I will return to my country

238
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:20,730
to fight against
this new tyranny!

239
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:25,075
This is Clodagh Rodgers,
the Irish-born girl singer.

240
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,155
[SPEAKING FRENCH]

241
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:28,490
"Jack in the Box."

242
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:32,123
J‘ I’m just a jack-in-the-box J‘

243
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,033
J‘ You know
Whenever love knocks J‘

244
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,669
J‘ I’m gonna bounce up and down
On my spring J‘

245
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,288
J‘ Bam, bam, bam J‘

246
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:40,252
Michelle, Paul!

247
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,509
[SPEAKS FRENCH]

248
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,344
And I will never surrender!

249
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,345
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

250
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,530
-Wha...?
-[SPEAKS FRENCH]

251
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:05,649
Trotsky?

252
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:09,741
[BOTH SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

253
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,154
...Lenin.

254
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,447
Ah, Lenin.

255
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,785
[SPEAKS FRENCH]

256
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:17,210
J‘ lfl ruled the world J‘

257
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:21,498
J‘ Every day would be
The first day of spring J‘

258
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:25,339
Lenin. My friend. I come!

259
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,596
Oh, excuse her, she has not
been very well recently.

260
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,179
Pressure of work, laryngitis,
you know.

261
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,514
[IN FRENCH]

262
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,145
"Little White Bull," eh?

263
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:39,102
Oh, formidable.

264
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,018
Lenin!

265
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:50,698
-Clodagh! Clodagh, my dear!
-GULL|VER: Lenin.

266
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,746
I come.

267
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:58,369
I come. My friend, I come.

268
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,662
Lenin!

269
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:02,751
Clodagh!

270
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,005
Lenin.

271
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:09,633
Je t'aime...

272
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:10,967
Mmm.

273
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,304
Maurice, regardez!

274
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,765
[SPEAKS FRENCH]

275
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,265
[SPEAKS FRENCH]

276
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,101
[BOTH SINGING IN FRENCH]

277
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,015
J‘ You know
Whenever love knocks J‘

278
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,982
J‘ I’m gonna bounce up and down
On my spring J‘

279
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,646
PITHER:
After several days,

280
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,236
I succeeded in tracking down
my friend, Mr. Gulliver,

281
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,776
on the outskirts of Smolensk.

282
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:34,074
Smolensk,
200 miles east of Minsk.

283
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,704
Two hundred north of Kursk.

284
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:38,207
Fifteen hundred miles
west of Omsk.

285
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,492
Thank you.

286
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,165
PITHER: Anyway, as we
were so far from home,

287
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,460
and as Mr. Gulliver, still
believing himself to be Trotsky,

288
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:52,301
was very tired from haranguing
the masses from Monte Carlo--

289
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,424
Monte Carlo.
Hundred miles south of Turin.

290
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,808
Hundred miles east of Pisa.

291
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,303
Five hundred miles
west of Bilbao.

292
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,020
Thank you.
I decided to check--

293
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,146
PITHER:
I decided to check--

294
00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:03,148
Sorry, you go on.

295
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,733
PITHER: [decided to
check him into a hotel

296
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:06,735
while I visited
the British Embassy

297
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:09,614
to ask for help
in returning to Cornwall.

298
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,534
And so we registered
at the Smolensk

299
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:17,071
Young Men's
Anti-Christian Association.

300
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:21,209
YMACA. Corner of Anti-Semitic
Street and Pogrom Square.

301
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,166
Go away. No, not you.
No, no, no.

302
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:26,581
A single room
for my friend, please?

303
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,590
Yes, sir.
Bugged or unbugged?

304
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:31,002
I think I'd be happier
with a bugged one.

305
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,137
Right, one bugged with bath.

306
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:36,640
Well, just have a nice lie-down
and I'll go down to the Embassy.

307
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,051
Trotsky?

308
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,811
My lack of God, it's Trotsky!

309
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,763
Comrades.
Socialism is not a--

310
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:58,200
[J‘J‘J‘]

311
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:06,496
Oh, uh, excuse me.
Is this the British Consulate?

312
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:10,007
Yes, yes, si, si,
that is correct.

313
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:14,341
Yes. Piccadilly Circus,
miniskirt and Joe Lyons.

314
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:17,598
Oh. l'd to see the consul,
please.

315
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,430
Yes, yes, speaky-speaky,
me Blitish consul.

316
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,561
Oh.

317
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,144
You are Rear Admiral
Sir Dudley Compton?

318
00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:26,979
No. He died.

319
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,609
He have heart attack
and fell out of window

320
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,519
onto exploding bomb

321
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,189
and was killed
in a shooting accident.

322
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:36,109
Oh, yes.
| his, how you say...?

323
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:39,029
Succa...
Sussor...

324
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,412
Oh, successor.

325
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,791
I'm his successor,
yes, Mr. Atkinson.

326
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,243
Oh.

327
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:50,753
Would you like drinky,
or game bingo?

328
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,213
Oh. A drink
would be very nice, yes.

329
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,002
Mr. Livingstone.

330
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,263
-Go get sake.
-Yes, boss.

331
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,346
Oh.

332
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,352
How is Tunblidge Wells?

333
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,478
How I long to see again

334
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:08,733
walls of famous Shakespeare-style
theatre in Stlatford-on-Avon.

335
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,315
I'm a West Country man myself,
Mr. Atkinson.

336
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:14,982
Oh, Texas, Arizona,
Kit Carson, super scout.

337
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,366
No, no. West of England.
Cornwall.

338
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,948
Oh. Coronworl.

339
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,321
Cornwall.

340
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,367
Coronworl. Oh, yes,
know Coronworl very well.

341
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:29,003
Went to school there,
mother and father live there.

342
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,791
Oh, yes, go many weekend parties
and polo playing in blidge club.

343
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:36,336
Belong many clubs
in Coronworl.

344
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:42,009
Ah, Mr. Livingstone, thank you.
Sake and Bakewells tart.

345
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,596
Well, chaps,
buttocks up.

346
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,605
Rather.

347
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,152
-Now, Mr...?
-Ah, Pither.

348
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:56,781
Mr. Pither,
we Blitish here in Smolensk

349
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,568
very interested in clicket.

350
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,030
Oh, cricket?

351
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,241
No, no. You no speak English
very wells.

352
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:06,078
No. Not clicket, clicket.

353
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,994
Clickety-click. Clicket.
Housey, housey. Bingo.

354
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,627
-Oh, bingo.
-Oh, bingo!

355
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,129
-Bingo!
-Bingo!

356
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,710
Bingo. Bingo.

357
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,251
ALL:
Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!

358
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:20,217
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

359
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,388
Bingo!

360
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:29,056
Sorry. Our boys
got very excited.

361
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:32,976
-Bingo.
-Shut face!

362
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:37,693
Now, Mr. Pither, perhaps you
could put in good word for us

363
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:42,202
so we can join a very smart
bingo club in Coronworl.

364
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,535
Well,
it's not really my--

365
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:46,197
We sit very quiet at back,
not say anything

366
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,332
except shout "housey, housey."

367
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:55,423
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

368
00:18:55,468 --> 00:19:00,087
CROWD: Housey, housey!
Housey, housey!

369
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,176
[SHOUTING IN CHINESE
GIBBERISH]

370
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,096
...bingo cards!

371
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,266
Bingo cards.

372
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:14,059
[BOTH SPEAKING
IN CHINESE GIBBERISH]

373
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:17,979
Now, Mr. Pither,
tell me which better:

374
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:22,446
Hackney Star Bingo or
St. Albans Top Rank Suite?

375
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,578
l was hoping you could help me and
my friend get back to England.

376
00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,579
Hackney Star Bingo.

377
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,744
You see, we're on a cycling
tour of North Cornwall.

378
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:31,617
[SPEAKING IN CHINESE
GIBBERISH]

379
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,286
Bingo. Bingo. Bingo.

380
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,250
Housey, housey!

381
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:38,041
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

382
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,758
ls Mr. Trotsky in his room,
please?

383
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,132
No.
He has gone to Moscow.

384
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,267
Moscow.
Fifteen hundred miles south--

385
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,010
-Shut up!
-Moscow?

386
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:51,600
Come with us, please.

387
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,097
Oh, who are you?

388
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,606
Well, we're not
secret police, anyway.

389
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,267
That's for sure.

390
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,360
If anything, we are ordinary
Soviet citizens

391
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,271
with no particular interest
in politics.

392
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,613
None at all.
Come with us.

393
00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:04,275
Oh,
where are you taking me?

394
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:06,989
What do we tell him?

395
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,654
-Don't tell him any secrets.
-Agreed.

396
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,699
Tell him anything except
we're taking him to Moscow

397
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,992
where Trotsky is reuniting
with the Central Committee.

398
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,704
We are taking you
to a Clambake.

399
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,419
Oh, a Clambake. I've never
been to one of those.

400
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:20,753
Right, let's go.

401
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,384
Who's giving orders
around here?

402
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,045
lam. I'm senior to you.

403
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,760
No. You're a greengrocer,
I'm an insurance salesman.

404
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,470
Greengrocers are senior
to insurance salesmen.

405
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,475
-No, they're not.
-Cool it!

406
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,811
I'm an ice cream salesman,
I am senior to both of you.

407
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,809
You're an ice cream
salesman?

408
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,523
I thought you were
a veterinarian.

409
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,560
I got promoted.

410
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,648
-Taxi.
-CABBY: Yes.

411
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,317
Drive us to Moscow.

412
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:44,155
-l have no cab.
-Why not?

413
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:47,068
I'm in the secret police.

414
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:50,579
[J‘J‘J‘]

415
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:04,005
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

416
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,216
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

417
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,146
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

418
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,585
And now, comrades,

419
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,213
the greatest moment
of a great day,

420
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:44,380
the moment when | ask you
to welcome the return

421
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:47,378
of one of Russia's
greatest heroes,

422
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,592
creator of the Red Army,

423
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,678
Lenin's greatest friend,

424
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:55,720
Lev Davidovich Trotsky!

425
00:21:55,773 --> 00:21:57,809
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

426
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:02,143
Comrades, Bolsheviks,

427
00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:05,279
friends of the revolution,
I am returned.

428
00:22:08,702 --> 00:22:13,196
The bloodstained shadow of
Stalinist repression is past.

429
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:19,666
I bring you the new light
of permanent revolution.

430
00:22:21,423 --> 00:22:24,506
I may have been ousted
from power,

431
00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:30,092
I may have been expelled from
the party in 1927,

432
00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:34,263
I may have been
deported in 1926...

433
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:38,809
J‘ But I'm just
An old-fashioned girl J”

434
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:42,061
J‘ With an old-fashioned mind I

435
00:22:42,111 --> 00:22:45,729
Comrades, I don't want
to destroy in order to build.

436
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:48,614
I don't want a state founded
on hate and division.

437
00:22:48,659 --> 00:22:51,776
J‘ I want
An old-fashioned house I

438
00:22:51,787 --> 00:22:54,529
J‘ With an old-fashioned fence J‘

439
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:58,450
J‘ And an old-fashioned
Millionaire J‘

440
00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:03,245
PITHER: Our friend, Mr. Gulliver,
was clearly undergoing

441
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:06,291
another change of personality.

442
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:09,551
So you have duped us.
You shall pay for this.

443
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,383
Guards, seize him!

444
00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:13,388
J‘ The sound of oil wells J‘

445
00:23:13,434 --> 00:23:15,641
J‘ As they slurp
Slurp, slurp...J‘

446
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:17,509
Shall I seize him too?

447
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:20,350
No, I think we have to keep
him, he's going down well.

448
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:21,639
He's more fun
than he used to be.

449
00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:23,398
He's loosened up a lot.

450
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,060
This is an old Lenin number.

451
00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:28,695
J‘ That are labeled
"Hers" and "hers"... I

452
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:32,325
PITHER: April 26th.
Thrown into Russian cell.

453
00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:35,031
Severely damaged my Mars bar.

454
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,787
Shall I ever see
Bude bus station again?

455
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:40,119
Oh, excuse me.

456
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,846
What a pleasant exercise yard.

457
00:23:54,016 --> 00:23:56,507
How friendly
they were all being.

458
00:24:02,483 --> 00:24:04,348
Cigarette?

459
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,352
Oh, no, thank you,
I don't smoke.

460
00:24:10,491 --> 00:24:14,484
After a few moments, I perceived
a line of gentlemen with rifles.

461
00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:18,529
They were looking
in my direction.

462
00:24:20,209 --> 00:24:23,576
I looked around,
but could not see the target.

463
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:33,711
Blindfold?

464
00:24:33,764 --> 00:24:36,176
No, thank you, no.

465
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,347
[SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN]

466
00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:50,110
[DRUMROLL]

467
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,071
Nyet! Nyet!

468
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:02,163
N yet!

469
00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:05,334
A telegram?

470
00:25:05,379 --> 00:25:06,710
From the Kremlin.

471
00:25:08,090 --> 00:25:11,423
The Central Committee.
It says:

472
00:25:11,427 --> 00:25:13,668
"Carry on
with the execution."

473
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:17,713
[SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN]

474
00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:19,256
[DRUMROLL]

475
00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:21,509
PITHER:
Now I was really for it.

476
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:28,982
How could you miss?

477
00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,646
He moved.

478
00:25:33,699 --> 00:25:37,237
Shut up. Go and practice.

479
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:43,288
I'm so sorry. Would you mind
waiting in your cell?

480
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,086
PITHER:
What a stroke of luck.

481
00:25:53,135 --> 00:25:55,251
My Crunchie was totally intact.

482
00:25:55,304 --> 00:25:58,671
I settled down
to a quick inter-meal snack.

483
00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:01,640
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

484
00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,765
-[DRUMROLL]
-[OFF|CER SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN]

485
00:26:05,981 --> 00:26:07,517
[GUNSHOTS]

486
00:26:13,155 --> 00:26:16,113
Next time, definitely.

487
00:26:17,159 --> 00:26:19,150
Now, how many
have been injured?

488
00:26:19,203 --> 00:26:21,239
Oh, God.

489
00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,576
PITHER: As [lay down to the
sound of the Russian gentlemen

490
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:26,206
practicing their shooting,

491
00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:29,084
I realized
I was in a bit of a pickle.

492
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:32,496
My heart sank as I realized
I should never see

493
00:26:32,549 --> 00:26:36,007
the Okehampton Bypass again.

494
00:26:40,182 --> 00:26:43,174
Come on, dear.
Wake up, dear.

495
00:26:46,063 --> 00:26:47,428
Mother.

496
00:26:47,481 --> 00:26:49,346
Come on, dear.

497
00:26:49,358 --> 00:26:53,021
So it was all a dream.

498
00:26:53,028 --> 00:26:57,522
No, dear, this is the dream,
you're still in the cell.

499
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:06,288
We're going to have another
try. I think we've got it now.

500
00:27:06,333 --> 00:27:09,291
My boys have been looking down
the wrong bit, you see.

501
00:27:09,336 --> 00:27:12,703
Oh, no, you've got to look
down that bit there.

502
00:27:12,714 --> 00:27:14,705
I thought you had
to look down that bit.

503
00:27:14,758 --> 00:27:17,340
You've got to look down that,
or you won't hit anything.

504
00:27:17,386 --> 00:27:20,594
All right, we'll give it
a whirl. Guards, seize him!

505
00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:24,636
Listen, you've got
to look down this bit.

506
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:26,471
[J‘J‘J‘]

507
00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:30,137
[APPLAUSE]

508
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,066
[CHUCKLING]

509
00:27:35,112 --> 00:27:38,195
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

510
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:02,090
[LAUGHING]

511
00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:10,345
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

512
00:28:18,113 --> 00:28:20,604
...Eartha Kitt!

513
00:28:20,616 --> 00:28:23,528
[APPLAUSE]

514
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:29,371
[MIMING TO EDWARD HEATH'S VOICE] Trade
Union leaders, I would say this:

515
00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:31,281
We ’ve done our part.

516
00:28:31,335 --> 00:28:33,951
Now, on behalf
of the community,

517
00:28:34,004 --> 00:28:36,211
we have a right to expect you

518
00:28:36,256 --> 00:28:38,292
the Trade Union leaders,
to do yours.

519
00:28:38,342 --> 00:28:39,331
[CHATTERING IN RUSSIAN]

520
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:40,464
Nyet! No talking!

521
00:28:40,469 --> 00:28:41,549
Edward Heath!

522
00:28:41,595 --> 00:28:43,551
[TALKING IN RUSSIAN]

523
00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:47,135
--an unjustifiable wage today.
-MAN: Sing "Old-fashioned Girl!"

524
00:28:47,142 --> 00:28:48,348
[CROWD SHOUTING]

525
00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:51,100
Sing "Old-fashioned Girl"!

526
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:56,482
[CROWD SHOUTING] "Old-fashioned Girl"!
"Old-fashioned Girl!"

527
00:28:57,527 --> 00:28:59,768
That turnip's
certainly not safe.

528
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:04,064
Oh, no. Mr. Pither. Pither!

529
00:29:04,117 --> 00:29:06,984
CROWD [CHANTING]:
"Old-fashioned Girl!"

530
00:29:09,039 --> 00:29:12,156
Pither! Mr. Pither!

531
00:29:20,425 --> 00:29:21,505
Mr. Pither.

532
00:29:27,641 --> 00:29:30,758
Mr. Pither! Mr. Pither!
Mr. Pither!

533
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:35,349
Mr. Pither!

534
00:29:47,744 --> 00:29:49,234
Mr. Pither!

535
00:29:49,288 --> 00:29:50,619
PITHER: Here.

536
00:29:55,002 --> 00:29:56,208
Gulliver.

537
00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:58,327
Pither.
What a stroke of luck.

538
00:29:58,380 --> 00:30:00,496
Well, yes and no.

539
00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:03,586
Squad, fix bayonets!

540
00:30:05,721 --> 00:30:08,212
-Charge!
-[ALL SHOUTING]

541
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:14,802
Phew. What an amazing escape.
Well, goodbye, Reginald.

542
00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:17,513
Goodbye, Mr. Pither,
and good luck with the tour.

543
00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:22,734
[J‘J‘J‘]

544
00:30:48,805 --> 00:30:52,172
Hey,
I think he's finally gone.

545
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:54,557
Oh, yeah.

546
00:30:56,438 --> 00:30:57,678
Ready, Maurice?

547
00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:59,437
Right-o, Kevin. Let's go.

548
00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:01,599
All right,
maestro, hit it.

549
00:31:01,610 --> 00:31:05,774
J‘ I’m just your
Jack-in-the-box J‘

550
00:31:05,989 --> 00:31:07,775
J‘ You know
Whenever love knocks J‘

551
00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:11,734
J‘ I’m gonna bounce up and down
On my spring J‘

552
00:31:11,787 --> 00:31:13,652
J‘ A toy used up when it stops J‘

553
00:31:13,705 --> 00:31:15,696
J‘ I’m just your
Jack-in-the-box J‘