1 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:34,735 [J‘J‘J‘] 2 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,527 ANNOUNCER: Boxing Tonight comes from the Empire Pool, Wembley, 3 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,116 and features the main heavyweight bout 4 00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,284 -between Jack Bodell... -[CROWD CHEERS] 5 00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,623 ...British and Empire Heavyweight Champion, 6 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,661 and Sir Kenneth Clark. 7 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,045 It's the first time these two have met, so there should be 8 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:51,457 -some real action tonight. -[BELL DINGS] 9 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:57,046 This, then, is the height of the English Renaissance. 10 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:59,806 The triumph of classical over Gothic. 11 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,307 -Oof! -ANNOUNCER: He's down. 12 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,723 Sir Kenneth Clark is down in eight seconds. 13 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,637 [GARBLED COUNTING] 14 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,481 ANNOUNCER: But he's up again. He's up at six. 15 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:12,319 The almost ordered facades of Palladio's villas reflect-- 16 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,229 -Ooh! -ANNOUNCER: And he's down again. 17 00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:17,320 And I don't think he's gonna get up this time. 18 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,318 [GARBLED COUNTING] 19 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,784 -Winner. -[BELL DINGS] 20 00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:27,122 ANNOUNCER: No. 80, Jack Bodell has defeated Sir Kenneth Clark 21 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:29,331 in the very first round here tonight. 22 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,250 And so, this big Lincolnshire heavyweight 23 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:35,134 becomes the new Oxford professor of fine art. 24 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,678 Thank you. Thank you. 25 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,674 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 26 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:42,682 And now... 27 00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:45,515 [PLAYS ORGAN] 28 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,728 It's... 29 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,264 [J‘J‘J‘] 30 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:55,442 ANNOUNCER: Monty Python's Flying Circuses. 31 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,047 [J‘J‘J‘] 32 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,738 MAN: Stand and deliver. 33 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:45,613 Drop that gun. 34 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,622 -[GUNSHOT] -[MAN GROANS] 35 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,410 Let that be a warning to you all. 36 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:54,413 You move at your peril, for l have two pistols here. 37 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:57,048 I know one of them isn't loaded anymore, but the other one is. 38 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,085 So that's one of you dead for sure. 39 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,752 Or just about for sure, anyway. 40 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:02,587 Certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it, 41 00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,097 because I'm a very good shot. 42 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,757 I practice every day. 43 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,684 Well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week. 44 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,062 I expect I must practice... 45 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,440 four or five times a week at least. 46 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,438 At least four or five. 47 00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,603 Only, some-- Some weekends, like last weekend, 48 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,696 there wasn't much time, so that moves the average down a bit. 49 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:23,074 But I should say it's definitely 50 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,486 a solid four days' practice every week. 51 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,530 At least. I mean, I reckon 52 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,992 I could hit that tree over there. 53 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,782 The one behind the hillock. 54 00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:32,534 Not the big hillock. The little hillock on the left. 55 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,373 You-- You see the three trees. 56 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,664 The third from the left and back a bit. That one. 57 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,710 I reckon I could hit that four times out of five... 58 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,636 on a good day. 59 00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:47,470 Say, with this wind, say-— Say. seven times out of 10. 60 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,384 -What, that tree there? -Which one? 61 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,770 The, uh, big beech with the sort of bare branch 62 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,351 coming out of the top left. 63 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,765 No, no, not that one. 64 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,150 No, no. He means the one over there. 65 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,527 -Look. Do you see that one there? -Yes. 66 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,484 Well, now, go two along to the right. 67 00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,447 Uh, just near that little bush? 68 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,233 Well, it's the one just behind it. 69 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,118 Oh. The elm. 70 00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,700 No, that's not an elm. 71 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,705 An elm's got sort of great clumps of leaves like that. 72 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:14,619 That's either a beech or a, um... a, uh... 73 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,081 a hornbeam. 74 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,338 -A hornbeam? -No, not a hornbeam. 75 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:21,546 What's the--? What's the tree that has a leaf with regular veins coming out. 76 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,711 And the veins go all the way out to the, uh--? 77 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,504 -Serrated? -To the serrated edges. 78 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,006 -A willow. -Oh, that's right. 79 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,345 That's nothing like a willow. 80 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,351 Well, it doesn't matter, anyway. 81 00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:35,188 I could hit it seven times out of 10. That's the point. 82 00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,148 -Never a willow. -Shut up! 83 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,360 This is a hold-up, not a botany lesson. 84 00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,230 Right. Now, my fine friends... 85 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,194 no false moves, please. 86 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,569 I want you to hand over all the lupines you've got. 87 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,032 Lupines? 88 00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,413 Yes, lupines. Come on, come on. 89 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,324 What do you mean, "lupines"? 90 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,368 Don't try and play for time. 91 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,537 I'm not. You mean the flower, lupines? 92 00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,046 Yes, that's right. 93 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,173 -Well, we haven't got any lupines. -Honestly. 94 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,460 Look, my fine friends, I happen to know 95 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,220 that this is the Lupine Express. 96 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,472 You must be out of your tiny mind. 97 00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:10,974 Get out of the coach. 98 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,350 Come on, get out. 99 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,727 Just as I thought. 100 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:21,689 Not clever enough, my fine friends. 101 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,649 Come on, Concorde. 102 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,568 Well, so much for the lupines. 103 00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:35,790 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore Galloping through the sward J‘ 104 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,665 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore And his horse, Concorde J‘ 105 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:43,673 J‘ He steals from the rich And gives to the poor J‘ 106 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:46,175 J‘ Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore J‘ 107 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,586 Here we are. 108 00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,134 -l'll be back. -J‘ Mr. Moore J‘ 109 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,762 [WOMAN HUMS] 110 00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:00,765 Morning, Mrs. Trepidatious. 111 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,605 Oh, ldon't know what's good about it. 112 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:05,270 My right arm's hanging off something awful. 113 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,988 Oh, you want to have that seen to. 114 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,694 What, by that Dr. Morrison? 115 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:12,782 He's killed more patients than I've had severe boils. 116 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,617 What do the stars say? 117 00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:18,500 Well, Petula Clark says burst them early. But David Frost-- 118 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,251 No, the stars in the paper, 119 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,039 you cloth-eared heap of anteater's catarrh. 120 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:26,959 The zodiacal signs. The horoscopic fates. 121 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,003 The astrological portents. 122 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:32,013 The omens, the genethliac prognostications. 123 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,798 The mantalogical harbingers. 124 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,467 The vaticinal utterances. 125 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,511 The fatidical premonitory utterances 126 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,520 of the mantalogical omens. 127 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,148 What do the bleeding stars in the paper predict? 128 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,814 Forecast, prophesy, foretell... 129 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,320 ANNOUNCER: And this is where you at home can join in. 130 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:50,532 -...augur, spell, foretoken, presage... -[AUDIENCE JOINS IN] 131 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:55,116 ...portend, foreshow, foreshadow, forerun, 132 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:59,704 herald, point to, betoken, indicate. 133 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,243 I don't know. 134 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:02,957 Well, what are you? 135 00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,291 I'm Nesbitt. 136 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:08,004 There's not a zodiacal sign called Nesbitt. 137 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:09,634 All right, Derry and Toms. 138 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:15,306 Aquarius, Scorpio, Virgo, Derry and Toms. 139 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:18,515 April the 29th to March the 22nd. 140 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,636 Even dates only. 141 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,304 Well, what does it presage? 142 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,974 You have green, scaly skin, 143 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,688 and a soft, yellow underbelly 144 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:29,480 with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. 145 00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,147 Although lizard-like in shape, 146 00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,533 you can grow anything up to 30 feet in length 147 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:37,279 with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. 148 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:40,790 You inhabit arid subtropical zones and wear spectacles. 149 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:43,584 Oh. That's very good about the spectacles. 150 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,371 -It's amazing. -Hm. 151 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,210 -What's yours, Irene? -Basil. 152 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,590 I'm sorry. What's yours, Basil? 153 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,469 No. That's my star sign, Basil. 154 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:55,130 -Oh. There isn't a-- -Yes, there is. 155 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:58,016 Aquarius, Sagittarius, Derry and Toms, Basil. 156 00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,301 Oh. 157 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,436 June the 21st till June the 22nd. 158 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,721 Well, what does it say? 159 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,273 You have green, scaly skin 160 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,149 and a series of yellow underbellies 161 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,561 -running down your spine-- -That's exactly the same. 162 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,938 Oh. Try another one. 163 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,027 What's Aquarius? 164 00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,361 It's a zodiacal sign. 165 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,367 I know that. 166 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,745 What's it say in the paper, Mrs. FIan-and-Pickle? 167 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,197 Well, all right. 168 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,997 Oh. It says, "A wonderful day ahead. 169 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:27,537 You will be surrounded by family and friends. 170 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,626 Roger Moore will drop in for lunch, 171 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,133 bringing Tony Curtis with him. 172 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,545 In the afternoon, a substantial cash sum will come your way. 173 00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:38,761 In the evening, Petula Clark will visit your home 174 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:41,719 accompanied by The Mike Sammes Singers. 175 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,604 She will sing for you in your own living room. 176 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,766 Before you go to bed, Peter Wyngarde will come 177 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,018 and declare his undying love for you." 178 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,062 -Yuck! -Ew! 179 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:53,104 What's Scorpio? 180 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,023 Oh, that's very good. 181 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:58,739 "You will have lunch with a school friend of Duane Eddy's, 182 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:02,952 who will insist on whistling some of Duane's greatest instrumental hits. 183 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:05,075 In the afternoon, you will die. 184 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,664 -You will be buried--" -Good morning. 185 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,203 -Oh. -Oh. Morning, doctor. 186 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,963 And how's the old arm this morning, Mrs. Ikon? 187 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,125 Oh, it's still hanging off at the shoulder. 188 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,468 Good. Well, let's, uh, have a look at it, shall we? 189 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,632 [CHUCKLES] 190 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,013 Mm. Oh, damn. 191 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,266 Oh, damn this wretched little bag. 192 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:25,179 Oh, damn this wretched, bloody little bag. 193 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,189 If there's one thing I hate about being a doctor, 194 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,101 it's this wretched, bloody little bag. 195 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,486 Damn the bloody little bag! 196 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,776 Damn the bloody-- 197 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,408 Damn you, wretched little bag. 198 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,369 There. Right. 199 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,291 What's that doing in here? Ugh. 200 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,460 Ewwl 201 00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,801 All right. Well... hm-hm. 202 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,347 Uh, hand over the money. 203 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,466 [SCREAMS] 204 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:03,599 Hm-hm. 205 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,095 Come on, all of it. 206 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,763 [G ROANS] 207 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,145 Thank you. 208 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,315 Yes. Good, that seems to be okay. 209 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:21,075 Well, I'll just, uh, test your reflexes. 210 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,156 [BOTH SCREAM] 211 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:27,116 Right. Now then, everything seems to be okay. 212 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,408 I'll see you next week. 213 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,826 Uh, keep collecting the pension. 214 00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,377 Try not to spend too much on food. 215 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,791 -Thank you, doctor. -Uh. 216 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,832 Morning, Mr. Henson. How are you today? 217 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,461 Not too bad, doctor. 218 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,092 Okay. Take it easy. 219 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,715 Expecting any postal orders this week? 220 00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,221 No. 221 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,723 Righty-o. Ah, Mr. Rodgers, 222 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:46,305 have you got your unemployment benefits, please? 223 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,720 Right. Well, can you write me a check then, please? 224 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,063 [HUMS] 225 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,402 Thank you very much. Soon have you down to nothing. 226 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,613 Ahh. 227 00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,738 Ah, Mr. Millichope. 228 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,240 [CLEARS THROAT] 229 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,244 [BLARING] 230 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,243 [TIRES SCREECH] 231 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,666 [DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS] 232 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,625 [KEYS JINGLING] 233 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,713 [MAN GROANS] 234 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,378 MAN: Oh! Whoa! 235 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,139 [SIREN WAILING] 236 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,316 [SIREN STOPS] 237 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,321 [SIREN WAILING] 238 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,457 [SIREN STOPS] 239 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:54,244 [SIREN WAILING] 240 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:11,222 [TIRES SCREECH] 241 00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:12,432 [DOORS SLAM] 242 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,143 Hm. Well, this will have to do. 243 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,145 [TICKS] 244 00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:27,026 [CLOCK CHIMES] 245 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,163 Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! 246 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,294 [CLOCK TICKS] 247 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,670 [ALARM RINGING] 248 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,045 WOMAN: Ooh, lovely. 249 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,709 Dinner's ready, dean 250 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,298 [CLOCK RESUMES TICKING] 251 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:45,757 [ALARM BUZZES] 252 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,547 MAN: Sorry. Your time's up, Mr. Spume. 253 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,761 I'm afraid you lose both the three-piece suite 254 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:52,723 -and your youngest daughter. -[GUNSHOT] 255 00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,399 [LIT FUSE DISSOLVING] 256 00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:11,158 [J‘J‘J‘] 257 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,752 Hello. Should there be another television channel 258 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,545 or Should there not? 259 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:30,014 On tonight's program, the minister for broadcasting, 260 00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,267 -the Right Honorable Mr. Ian Throat, MP. -Good evening. 261 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,554 The Chairman of Amalgamated Money TV, 262 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,056 -Sir Abe Sappenheim. -Good evening. 263 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,433 The shadow spokesman for television, 264 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,397 -Lord Kinwoodie. -Hello. 265 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,312 And a television critic, Mr. Patrick Loone. 266 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,356 Hello. 267 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,526 Gentlemen, should there be a fourth television channel or not? 268 00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,069 -Ian? -Yes. 269 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,241 -Francis? -Nope. 270 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,204 -Sir Abe? -Yes. 271 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,786 -Patrick? -NO. 272 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,826 Well, there you have it. Two say will, two say won't. 273 00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,332 We'll be back again next week. Uh, next week's great debate 274 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,464 will be about government interference in broadcasting, 275 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,420 and will be cancelled mysteriously. 276 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:07,085 [J‘J‘J‘] 277 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,675 [ALL SPEAK INAUDIBLY] 278 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,693 ANNOUNCER: Just starting on BBC One now, 279 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,980 Victoria Regina, the inspiring tale 280 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,523 of the simple crofter's daughter 281 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,612 who worked her way up to become queen of England 282 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,451 and empress of the greatest empire 283 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,446 television has ever seen. 284 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:38,367 On BBC Two now, episode three of George I, 285 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:41,377 the new 116-part serial about the famous English king 286 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,662 who hasn't been done yet. 287 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,125 On [TV now, the-- 288 00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:45,631 -[THUD] -[ANNOUNCER GROANS] 289 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,511 That's awful, but absolutely delightful. 290 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,217 -[BOTH LAUGHING] -But of course. 291 00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:55,053 But of course, you know, who cares? 292 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,469 He said, "Look--" Ah, 'tis my lord of Buckingham. 293 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,811 -Pray welcome, Your Grace. -Thank you, Grantley. 294 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:02,561 Ladies, may I introduce to you the man who prophesied 295 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:05,147 that a German monarch would soon embroil this country 296 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,439 in continental affairs. 297 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:08,320 Oh. How soon, my lord? 298 00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:10,982 Madam, uh, you'll recall that prior to his accession, 299 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,492 our gracious sovereign, George, had become involved 300 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,202 in the long-standing Northern War, 301 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,113 through his claim to Bremen and Verden. 302 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,327 Uh, these duchies would provide an outlet to the sea 303 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,493 of utmost value to Hanover. 304 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,583 The Treaty of Westphalia has assigned them to Sweden. 305 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,372 -In 1648. -Exactly. 306 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,799 Meanwhile, Frederick William of Denmark 307 00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,172 taking advantage of the absence of Charles Xll, 308 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,795 seized them, 1712. 309 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:35,006 -Oh, yes? -It all falls into place. 310 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,427 -More wine? -Oh, thank you. 311 00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,342 However, uh, just prior to his accession, 312 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,346 uh, George made an alliance with Frederick William of Prussia, 313 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,640 uh, on the, uh, grounds of party feeling. 314 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,309 While Frederick William had married George's only daughter. 315 00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,023 I remember the wedding. 316 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,437 But chiefly through the concerted action 317 00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,115 [ALL GASP, SCREAM] 318 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,697 Stand and deliver. 319 00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,235 ALL: Dennis Moore. 320 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,826 The same. And now, my lords, my ladies... 321 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,372 your lupines, please. 322 00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,749 Our--? Our what? 323 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,293 Come, come, don't play games with me, 324 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,544 my Lord of Buckingham. 325 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,958 What can you mean? 326 00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:10,375 Your life or your lupines, my lord. 327 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,594 [EXASPERATED SIGH] 328 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,218 In a bunch. In a bunch. 329 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,229 Thank you, my friends. 330 00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,687 And now, a good evening to you all. 331 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,396 -[HORSE WHINNIES] -MOORE: Giddyap! Forward! 332 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:34,524 He seeks them here. He seeks them there. 333 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:38,240 He seeks those lupines everywhere. 334 00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:41,284 The murdering blackguard. He's taken all our lupines. 335 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:44,076 Not quite. 336 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:47,169 -Oh! You-- You tricked him. -We still have one. 337 00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:48,705 ALL: Hooray! 338 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,544 [J‘J‘J‘] 339 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:55,424 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore Riding through the night J‘ 340 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,259 J‘ Soon every Iupine In the land J‘ 341 00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:59,424 J‘ Will be in his mighty hand J‘ 342 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:03,436 J‘ He steals them from the rich And gives them to the poor J‘ 343 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:07,349 J‘ Mr. Moore, Mr. Moore J‘ 344 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,266 J‘ Mr. Moore J‘ 345 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,606 [GROANING] 346 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:17,699 Try to eat some, my dear. 347 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,281 It'll give you strength. 348 00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:23,163 Oh, Mr. Moore. Mr. Moore, She's going fast. 349 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,621 Don't worry. I've--I've brought you something. 350 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,040 -Medicine at last? -NO. 351 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,704 -Food? -Nope. 352 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,123 Uh, some blankets, perhaps? Clothes? Wood for the fire? 353 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,292 Nope. 354 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,630 Lupines. 355 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,387 -Oh, Christ! -I thought you liked them. 356 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,138 I'm sick to bloody death of them! 357 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,640 So am I! 358 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,135 She's bloody dying, and all you bring us is lupines. 359 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:47,434 All we've eaten, mate, for the last four bleeding weeks 360 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,725 is lupine soup, roast lupine, steamed lupine, 361 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,643 braised lupine in lupine sauce, 362 00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,317 lupine in the basket with sautéed lupines, 363 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:58,236 lupine meringue pie, lupine sorbet. 364 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,991 We feed the cat on lupines. 365 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:07,374 We burn lupines. We even wear the bloody things. 366 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,535 Looks very smart. 367 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,169 Oh, shut up! 368 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,333 We're sick to death with the stench of them. 369 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:13,463 [CAT MEOWS] 370 00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,463 [THUMP] 371 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:20,130 Look! The cat's just choked itself to death on them. 372 00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:23,640 I don't care if I never see another lupine till the day I die! 373 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:26,598 Why don't g--? You go out and steal something useful? 374 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:27,636 Well, like what? 375 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:29,396 Like gold and Silver, 376 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,649 and clothes and wood and jewels and-- 377 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,559 -Hang-- Hang on, I'll get a piece of paper. -Oh. 378 00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:37,147 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore J‘ 379 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,315 J‘ Dum, dum, dum The night J‘ 380 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,027 J‘ Dum, dum, dum, dum Plight J‘ 381 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,741 J‘ He steals, dum, dum, dum J‘ 382 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,031 J‘ And dum, dum Dum dee J‘ 383 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:51,036 J‘ Dennis, dum, Dennis, dee J‘ 384 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,500 J‘ Dum, dum, dum J‘ 385 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,335 This, coupled with the presence of Peter 386 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,001 and Charles and his Swedes in Pomerania, 387 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:01,546 made George and Stanhope eager to come to terms with France. 388 00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,635 -Meanwhile, a breach-- -[GLASS BREAKS] 389 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,299 -Oh, no. Not again. -NO! 390 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:08,220 -Oh, come on. -Stand and deliver again. 391 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,721 Your money, yourjewllery, your-- Hang on. 392 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:15,397 Your clothes...your snuff, 393 00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:18,233 your ornaments, your glassware, your pussycats... 394 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,147 Don't say anything about the lupine. 395 00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,408 ...your watches, your lace, your Spittoons... 396 00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:25,619 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore Riding through the woods I 397 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:30,033 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore With a bag of things J‘ 398 00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:34,204 J‘ He gives to the poor And he takes from the rich J‘ 399 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,168 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore J‘ 400 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:39,755 -Here we are. -J‘ Dennis Moore J‘ 401 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:42,257 BOTH: Ooh. 402 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,762 [MURMUR INDISTINCTLY] 403 00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,261 ANNOUNCER: It may be the end of that, 404 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,767 but it’s far from the end of-- 405 00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,435 Well, in--in fact, it's the beginning. 406 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,100 Well, not quite the beginning. 407 00:19:52,108 --> 00:19:54,190 Well, certainly nearer the beginning-- 408 00:19:54,235 --> 00:19:56,146 Well, yes, damn it, it is to all intents and purposes 409 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,481 the beginning of this year's Ideal Loon Exhibition, 410 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,613 sponsored by the Daily Express. 411 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,652 Numbskulls and boobies from all over the country 412 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,239 have been arriving to go through their strange paces 413 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,243 before a large paying crowd. 414 00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,450 This is the 15th Ideal Loon Exhibition, 415 00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,119 and we took a good look round 416 00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,533 after it was opened by its patron. 417 00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,292 Here '3 Kevin Bruce, the digger duffer from down under, 418 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,211 who's ranked 14th in the World Silly Positions League. 419 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:22,126 This kind of incoherent behavior 420 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,545 is really beginning to catch on down under. 421 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,304 There '3 Norman Kirby from New Zealand, 422 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,432 whose specialty is standing behind a screen 423 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,342 with a lady with no clothes on. 424 00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,352 In real life, Norman is a gynecologist, 425 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,229 but this is his lunch hour. 426 00:20:34,275 --> 00:20:36,140 And from France, there '3 a superb exhibition 427 00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,143 of rather silly behavior 428 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:41,191 by the Friends of the Free French Osteopaths. 429 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,821 ALL: Un, deux, trois. 430 00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,152 Un, deux, trois. 431 00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:50,120 ANNOUNCER: They do this over 400 times a day. 432 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,656 Nobody knows why. 433 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,328 But for sheer pointless behavior, 434 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:55,121 you've got to admire Brian Broomers, 435 00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:57,253 the battling British boy, who, for two weeks, 436 00:20:57,298 --> 00:21:00,586 has been suspended over a tin of condemned veal. 437 00:21:00,634 --> 00:21:02,374 Always popular with the crowd 438 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,464 is the Scotsman With Nae Trew's exhibit. 439 00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:06,424 And this year is no exception. 440 00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:09,261 Sponsored by Natural Gas and Glasgow City Council, 441 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,346 this exhibit is entirely supported 442 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:13,309 by voluntary contributions. 443 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,346 But for a truly magnificent waste of time, 444 00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:18,311 you've got to go no further than the exhibit from Italy. 445 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,770 Italian Priests in Custard, 446 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,186 discussing vital matters of the day. 447 00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:24,104 These lads from a seminary near Cremona 448 00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:26,240 have been practicing for well over a year. 449 00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,025 As always, one of the great attractions 450 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,527 of this 14-day exhibition 451 00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:31,445 is the display of counter-marching 452 00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:34,411 given by the massed pipes and toilet requisites 453 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:38,203 of the Colwyn Bay Massed Pipes and Toilet Requisites Club. 454 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,041 An interesting point about these boys 455 00:21:40,049 --> 00:21:42,335 is they all have one thing in common: 456 00:21:42,384 --> 00:21:44,295 hip injuries. 457 00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:46,552 Not far away, the crowds are flocking to see 458 00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:50,548 a member of the famous Royal Canadian Mounted Geese. 459 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:54,552 But the climax of the whole event is the judging. 460 00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:01,400 MAN [OVER MICROPHONE]: Mr. Justice Burke. 461 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:07,406 Well, that's the last, and let's just see 462 00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,445 those last six once again. 463 00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:20,662 And the winner is number 41, 464 00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,579 Mr. Justice Burke. 465 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,214 [CROWD APPLAUDS] 466 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:37,727 [WHEELS SQUEAKING] 467 00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,764 [MISCHIEVOUS CHUCKLE] 468 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,277 Attention. Attention. 469 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:47,233 Uh, suspect heading due north. 470 00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:50,525 Uh, plan 13-A is now in effect. 471 00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:53,411 [SQUEAKING] 472 00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:58,619 Whoop! 473 00:23:03,007 --> 00:23:05,214 [SCREAMING] 474 00:23:17,271 --> 00:23:19,683 [SCREAMING RESUMES] 475 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,353 Yet fear, not like an aged florin, 476 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:26,314 can so disseminate men's eyes 477 00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:28,654 that fortune, straining at a kissing touch, 478 00:23:28,699 --> 00:23:30,314 may stop a ceaseless search 479 00:23:30,326 --> 00:23:32,658 to sport amidst the rampant thrust of time, 480 00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:34,364 and bring the thing undone to pass, 481 00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:37,200 by that with which the cock may chance an arm. 482 00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:40,616 Well, that's all very well, sir, but this is an off-license. 483 00:23:40,669 --> 00:23:42,500 Uh, just a bottle of sherry then, please. 484 00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:44,332 Certainly. Uh, amontillado? 485 00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:46,205 -Yes, I think amontillado. -Mm-hm. 486 00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:49,671 Finely grown. Well-chosen from the cask of Pluto's hills. 487 00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,844 Celled deep within the vinous soil of Spain, 488 00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:55,097 wrenched thence from fiery regions of the sun. 489 00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:56,507 Yes, yes, sir. Uh, just one bottle? 490 00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:58,054 Just one bottle. 491 00:23:58,103 --> 00:23:59,343 Just one jot. 492 00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,186 Just one tittle. That's a lot. 493 00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:02,721 There we are, Sir. That'll be a pound, please. 494 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,515 A pound, a pound, and all-around abound. 495 00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:07,480 A pound, found, found. Lost, lost the cost till was embossed. 496 00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:09,736 -Yes, uh-- Uh, excuse me, sir. -Yes, good victualer. 497 00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:12,194 Nature's trencherman, mine honest tapster-- 498 00:24:12,242 --> 00:24:14,233 Be-- Uh, I was just wondering: Um, are you a poet? 499 00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:16,402 Uh, no. No, I'm-- I'm a solicitor. 500 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,116 Solicitor. Well... 501 00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:20,121 Well-versed within the written law of man. 502 00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:22,249 -Who can to those who need-- -Oh, Shut up. 503 00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:25,039 I'm sorry. 504 00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:26,454 I'm-- I'm afraid I've caught poetry. 505 00:24:26,507 --> 00:24:28,543 Oh, really? Oh, well, don't worry, Sir. 506 00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:30,548 I used to suffer from short stories. 507 00:24:30,594 --> 00:24:31,754 Really? When? 508 00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:33,465 Oh, once upon a time... 509 00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:39,262 there lived in Wiltshire a young chap called Dennis Moore. 510 00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,097 Now, Dennis was a highwayman by profession. 511 00:24:41,146 --> 00:24:43,228 And for several months, he had been stealing from the rich 512 00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:44,729 to give to the poor. 513 00:24:45,734 --> 00:24:47,395 One day... 514 00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:51,570 Here we are again. 515 00:24:51,573 --> 00:24:53,404 Mr. Jenkins. 516 00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:57,614 There we are. I'll be back. 517 00:24:57,663 --> 00:25:00,496 Meanwhile, Frederick William, busily engaged in defending 518 00:25:00,541 --> 00:25:02,998 against the three great powers, the province of Silesia... 519 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:05,250 Oh, which had seized in the War of the Austrian Succession 520 00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:06,744 -against his word. -Yes, I remember. 521 00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:09,087 -...was now dependent on-- -[GLASS BREAKS] 522 00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:12,254 My lords, my ladies, on your feet, please. 523 00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:14,343 -Oh. -[|NDISTINCT MURMURS] 524 00:25:14,388 --> 00:25:17,255 I must ask you to do exactly as I say, 525 00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:19,764 or I shall be forced to shoot you right between the eyes. 526 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:22,760 -Oh! -Oh, not right between the eyes. I mean... 527 00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:25,972 when I say "between the eyes," obviously, I don't have to be that accurate. 528 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:28,186 I mean, if! hit you in that sort of area, like that, 529 00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:30,066 obviously, that's all right for me. 530 00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:32,603 I don't have to try and sort of hit a point bisecting a line 531 00:25:32,656 --> 00:25:34,612 drawn between your pupils or anything. 532 00:25:34,658 --> 00:25:37,024 I mean, from my point of view, it's perfectly satisfactory-- 533 00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:40,069 What do you want? Why are you here? 534 00:25:40,122 --> 00:25:41,453 Well, why are any of us here? 535 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,238 I mean... when you get down to it, 536 00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:45,123 it's all so meaningless, isn't it? 537 00:25:45,127 --> 00:25:46,788 I mean, what do any of us want? 538 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:49,207 -No, no. What do you want now? -Oh, I see. 539 00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:52,043 Oh, just the usual things: Uh, a little place of my own, the right girl, a-- 540 00:25:52,092 --> 00:25:55,380 No, no, no. What do you want from us? 541 00:25:55,429 --> 00:25:59,718 Oh, s-- Um, your gold, your silver, yourjewelry. 542 00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:01,007 You've taken it all. 543 00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:02,470 This is all we've got left. 544 00:26:03,145 --> 00:26:04,635 That's nice. 545 00:26:04,688 --> 00:26:07,646 I'll have them. Come on. 546 00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:10,273 You'd better take the bloody lupine too. 547 00:26:10,319 --> 00:26:12,776 Thank you very much. I've gone through that stage. 548 00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:16,321 [J‘J‘J‘] 549 00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:18,152 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore J‘ 550 00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:20,488 J‘ Et cetera, et cetera J‘ 551 00:26:25,542 --> 00:26:26,748 What you got for us today then? 552 00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:28,500 Well, I managed to find you 553 00:26:28,545 --> 00:26:31,036 four very nice silver spoons, Mr. Jenkins. 554 00:26:32,216 --> 00:26:34,673 Who do you think you are, giving us poor this rubbish? 555 00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:38,043 Bloody silver. I won't have it in me house. 556 00:26:38,097 --> 00:26:41,430 Uh, and those candlesticks you got us last week were only 16 carat. 557 00:26:41,475 --> 00:26:45,138 Yeah, why don't you go out and steal something nice, like some Venetian silver? 558 00:26:45,187 --> 00:26:47,428 Yeah, or a Velasquez for the outside loo. 559 00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:50,806 Oh. All right. 560 00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:53,017 J‘ Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore J‘ 561 00:26:53,070 --> 00:26:55,026 J‘ Riding through the land I 562 00:26:57,032 --> 00:26:58,693 J‘ Without a merry band J‘ 563 00:26:58,742 --> 00:27:02,576 J‘ He steals from the poor And gives to the rich J‘ 564 00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,452 J‘ Stupid bitch J‘ 565 00:27:04,498 --> 00:27:05,613 What did you sing? 566 00:27:05,666 --> 00:27:07,531 SINGERS: We sang: 567 00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:10,200 "He steals from the poor and gives to the rich." 568 00:27:12,089 --> 00:27:13,295 Wait a tic. 569 00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:18,463 Blimey, this redistribution of wealth is trickier than I thought. 570 00:27:20,347 --> 00:27:23,760 Oh, good evening, and welcome to another edition of Prejudice. 571 00:27:23,976 --> 00:27:26,262 The show that gives you a chance to have a go at wops, krauts, 572 00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:28,723 nigs, Eyeties, gyppos, bubbles, froggies, Chinks, 573 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,722 yids, Jocks, Polacks, Paddles and dagos. 574 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,640 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 575 00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:36,776 Tonight's Show comes live 576 00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:39,776 from the tiny village of Rabid in Buckinghamshire. 577 00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:42,699 And our first question tonight is from Mrs. Elizabeth Scrint, 578 00:27:42,744 --> 00:27:45,736 who says she is going on a Mediterranean cruise next week 579 00:27:45,789 --> 00:27:49,452 and can't find anything wrong with the Syrians. 580 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,787 Well, Mrs. Scrint, apart from being totally unprincipled 581 00:27:52,004 --> 00:27:55,246 left-wing troublemakers, the Syrians are also born Skivers. 582 00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:57,339 They're dirty, smelly and untrustworthy. 583 00:27:57,384 --> 00:27:59,750 And of course, they're friends of the awful gyppos. 584 00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:02,252 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 585 00:28:02,306 --> 00:28:04,262 Well, there you are, Mrs. Scrint. 586 00:28:04,308 --> 00:28:06,469 I hope that answers some of your problems. Have a nice trip. 587 00:28:07,603 --> 00:28:09,935 Well, now the result of last week's competition, 588 00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:13,768 when we asked you to find a derogatory term for the Belgians. 589 00:28:13,942 --> 00:28:15,603 Well, the response was enormous, 590 00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:18,485 and we took quite a long time sorting out the winners. 591 00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:20,236 There were some very clever entries. 592 00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:22,022 A Mrs. Hatred of Leicester said: 593 00:28:22,075 --> 00:28:24,487 "Let's not call them anything, let's just ignore them." 594 00:28:24,536 --> 00:28:26,072 -[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] -[LAUGHS] 595 00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:30,539 And a Mr. St. John of Huntingdon said 596 00:28:30,584 --> 00:28:33,747 he couldn't think of anything more derogatory than "Belgians." 597 00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:36,628 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 598 00:28:36,673 --> 00:28:40,040 But in the end we settled on three choices. 599 00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:41,958 Number three: the Sprouts. 600 00:28:42,012 --> 00:28:43,468 Sent in by Mrs. Vicious of Hastings. 601 00:28:46,141 --> 00:28:47,221 Very nice. 602 00:28:47,267 --> 00:28:49,303 Number two: the Phlegms. 603 00:28:49,311 --> 00:28:51,222 From Mrs. Childmolester of Worthing. 604 00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:54,979 But the winner was undoubtedly, 605 00:28:55,025 --> 00:28:57,812 from Mrs. No-Supper-for-You from Norwood in Lancashire: 606 00:28:57,986 --> 00:28:58,850 miserable, fat Belgian bastards. 607 00:28:59,988 --> 00:29:01,649 -[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] -[LAUGHS] 608 00:29:05,202 --> 00:29:07,659 Very good. Very good. Thank you, Carol. 609 00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:10,529 But, as you know, on this program, 610 00:29:10,582 --> 00:29:14,666 we're notjust prejudiced against race or color. 611 00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:17,412 We're also prejudiced against-- yes, you've guessed 612 00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:19,295 --stinking homosexuals! 613 00:29:19,341 --> 00:29:22,003 [ALL APPLAUD, CHEER] 614 00:29:22,010 --> 00:29:24,251 So before the streets start emptying in Chelsea tonight, 615 00:29:24,304 --> 00:29:27,171 let's go over to our popular prejudiced panel game 616 00:29:27,224 --> 00:29:31,388 and invite you once again to shoot the poof. 617 00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:36,229 And could our first contestant sign in, please. 618 00:29:40,112 --> 00:29:43,400 AN NOUNCER: Our first contestant is a hairdresser from-- 619 00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:45,359 -[GUNSHOT] -[SCREAMS] 620 00:29:45,367 --> 00:29:48,279 Oh, I never did like that kind of person. 621 00:29:57,421 --> 00:29:58,661 DENNIS: Halt. Halt. 622 00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:03,541 Gentlemen, ladies, bring out your valuables, please. 623 00:30:03,593 --> 00:30:05,083 ALL: Oh, no. 624 00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:06,377 Come along, sir. Come along. 625 00:30:06,388 --> 00:30:08,094 [CLEARS THROAT] Come along, madam. 626 00:30:10,100 --> 00:30:11,340 Now... 627 00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:13,724 Is that all you've got? 628 00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:15,180 Yes. 629 00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:16,436 Well, he's got much more than you, 630 00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,346 so you better have some of his. 631 00:30:19,568 --> 00:30:21,433 You got a lot of these. Oh, sorry. 632 00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:23,067 Pick them up in a moment. 633 00:30:23,113 --> 00:30:24,603 There's about, ooh, what, nine down there. 634 00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:28,148 So you must have about-- Oh, well, he's still got lots-- 635 00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,533 You've got what? You've got more than he started with. 636 00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:33,070 So if I give you some of those... 637 00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:35,743 Uh, well, now, look. If I give you that-- 638 00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:37,748 Uh, have you got a bit ofjewelry? Yes. 639 00:30:37,753 --> 00:30:39,744 If I give you that one... 640 00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:44,124 and you have some of his coins... 641 00:30:44,176 --> 00:30:45,791 Is that another box? 642 00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:47,709 Were you trying to hide it? 643 00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:51,470 Well-- 644 00:30:51,516 --> 00:30:53,632 Ooh, that's nice. 645 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:55,141 I'll have that. 646 00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:57,269 Right. Now, I've got a tiara. 647 00:30:57,272 --> 00:30:58,682 You've got one. You've got one. 648 00:30:58,732 --> 00:31:00,268 You've got one in the box. You've got one. 649 00:31:00,275 --> 00:31:02,436 Anyone else got a tiara? 650 00:31:04,071 --> 00:31:06,027 Take your hat off. 651 00:31:08,992 --> 00:31:11,153 Oh, honestly, it's absolutely pointless 652 00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:12,784 trying to do this if you're going to cheat. 653 00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:14,744 It really is awful of you. 654 00:31:19,669 --> 00:31:21,375 I thought you should have won. 655 00:31:21,421 --> 00:31:24,254 I mean, judicially, you swept the board. 656 00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,210 All right, he had posture. 657 00:31:26,259 --> 00:31:28,090 But where was he in the summing-up? 658 00:31:29,096 --> 00:31:30,461 -Oh, shut up, Melford. -[SOBS] 659 00:31:30,514 --> 00:31:32,095 There's always next year. 660 00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:35,424 [J‘J‘J‘]